McAllister's Retirement Agency
<u>Page 1</u> (six panels)
Panel 1. A superhero stands with his hands on his hips, cape flapping majestically behind him. His head is turned to the left. This is Incredible Man who we will meet later. He is a stereotypically handsome superhero. A cross between a Superman and Homelander.
CAP. It is a truism in the super community that superheroes don't retire.
Panel 2. A man in a suit uses pyrokinetic powers to light candles on a birthday cake, surrounded by happy office workers. He does this via finger guns.
CAP. A pyrokinetic lawyer may only light the candles at birthday parties...
Panel 2. The man in the suit from earlier is now older and standing on the deck of a yacht.
CAP. ... and stop working at 65 to cruise the Caribbean on his boat.
Panel 3. A person in a polo and khakis holds a filing cabinet in each hand. They are in a room cluttered with filing cabinets and look overwhelmed.
CAP. A civil servant with superstrength may be the go-to for reorganizing the old records...
Panel 4. The same civil servant, now older, holds two grandchildren in the same pose as they had held the filing cabinets. Now they are smiling.
CAP.
...and retire with a pension.
Panel 5. A close up on a superhero's tights from behind. Once again, this is Incredible Man.
CAP. Yet the minute you put on the flame-resistant, rip-stop, dry clean only tights...
Panel 6. A full-body shot from the front of an elderly superhero, posed to fight. This is the WWII hero we will meet later.
CAP. ... retirement is no longer an option.
<u>Page 2</u> (one panel)
Panel 1. Two friends lounge about, drinking beer. One is Incredible Man, out of his supersuit. The other is our Narrator. We have walked in on them mid-conversation.
INCREDIBLE MAN: It's not like I can get a job anyway with a three year gap on my resume.
NARRATOR: I'm sure being Incredible Man counts as work experience.
INCREDIBLE MAN: No one would believe I was him. Even if they did-
<u>Page 3</u> (one panel)
Panel 1. Incredible Man sits behind a desk sipping coffee. He is in a button down shirt and tie, not his supersuit. He looks content. Through the window we can see a bank being robbed.
INCREDIBLE MAN (speech bubble carried over from other page): -would you be satisfied with the guy who can stop bullets sitting behind a desk while bad things happen?
<u>Page 4</u> (three panels)
Panel 1. Incredible Man, out of his supersuit, and the Narrator are in the same room as Page 2. They are still drinking.
NARRATOR: How about we fake Incredible Man's death and claim you worked for a failed start-up?
INCREDIBLE MAN: If I worked for a start-up, it wouldn't have failed.
Panel 2. The same room as Panel 1. The Narrator and Incredible Man are still drinking but now Incredible Man is excited.
INCREDIBLE MAN: I have an idea. Give me a pen, some paper, and another beer.
Panel 3: The same room as the previous two panels. Incredible Man points to a pad of paper. There are empty beer bottles and crumpled papers strewn about the room.
CAP. Several beers later, McAllister's Retirement Agency was born.
<u>Page 5</u> (six panels)
Panel 1: The dossier on Dr. Lazarus. It states that Dr. Lazarus has an obsession with lasers and no familiarity with the biblical Lazarus.
CAP. I'd be lying if I said our first retirement was a flawless success.
Panel 2: Dr. Lazarus laughs maniacally as he wields a large laser weapon. There is a crowd gathered but keeping a respectful distance from the superhero/supervillain fight.
CAP. The retirement party itself went off without a hitch.
Panel 3: A laser shoots from Dr. Lazarus' weapon toward Incredible Man.
Panel 4: Incredible Man wraps himself in his cape to shield himself from the laser.
Panel 5: A blinding flash.
Panel 6: A smoldering pile of ash sits where Incredible Man had been.
<u>Page 6</u> (three panels)
Panel 1: Dr. Lazarus threatens a group of people with his laser. They are more afraid than they were on Page 5, panel 2.
CAP. That's where the trouble began.
CAP 2. Everyone believed Dr. Lazarus had killed Incredible Man..
Panel 2: Dr. Lazarus' henchmen stuff optics equipment into sacks.
CAP. ...including Dr. Lazarus.
Panel 3: Incredible Man, in civilian clothing, and the Narrator clink beer bottles in the living room where they had planned his death. The tv news is covering Dr. Lazarus' crime spree and the ensuing panic in the city.
CAP. While we celebrated a job well done, the city panicked.
<u>Page 7</u> (One panel)
Panel 1: Incredible Man stands before a very alarmed Dr. Lazarus. Incredible Man is in his heroic pose. A car is on fire in the background.
CAP. The situation had become intolerable. Someone was going to get hurt.
CAP 2. The city needed Incredible Man back.
<u>Page 8</u> (Five panels)
Panel 1: Dr. Lazarus is led into the back of a police van in handcuffs. Incredible Man is surrounded by reporters.
CAP. We came up with a ridiculous lie...
INCREDIBLE MAN: His laser sent me to an alternate dimension.
CAP 2. ... and the public ate it hook, line, and sinker.
Panel 2: A parade. Incredible Man rides in the back of a convertible and waves to the crowd. He seems to be genuinely enjoying himself.
CAP. The city celebrated their hero's reluctant, triumphant return.
Panel 3: Incredible Man, in his supersuit, sits on the couch of a late night host.
INCREDIBLE MAN: You'd think Dr. Lazarus would have realized someone resistant to every conventional weapon thrown at him-
LATE NIGHT HOST: And several unconventional ones
INCREDIBLE MAN: -would also be resistant to hot light.
Panel 4: Movie posters, books, magazine, and academic journals all covering Incredible Man's return.
Panel 5: The Narrator looks up at Incredible Man on a large screen similar to the ones seen in major cities.
CAP. Caught up in the limelight as he was-
CAP 2. -I thought my friend had forgotten about McAllister's Retirement Agency.
<u>Page 9</u> (One panel)
Panel 1: A grinning Incredible Man, in civilian clothing, stands in front of the Narrator. The Narrator holds his door open. He is shocked by Incredible Man's presence. Incredible Man holds a six pack of beer in each hand.
CAP. So I was flabbergasted when he showed up a few weeks later.
INCREDIBLE MAN: How are we going to kill me this time?
<u>Page 10</u> Six panels
Panel 1. Incredible Man and the Narrator are in the same living room as on page 2. Incredible Man stands before a large pad of paper on a tripod. He is brandishing a Sharpie. The Narrator sits in front of him. There are various empty beer bottles scattered around.
NARRATOR: So we need a villain we can control.
INCREDIBLE MAN: Someone who will be content to kill me and slink back into the shadows.
NARRATOR: We need-
INCREDIBLE MAN: You.
Panel 2. The Narrator is incredulous.
NARRATOR: Me?
INCREDIBLE MAN: You.
NARRATOR: You're insane. I can't be our villain.
INCREDIBLE MAN: Why not?
NARRATOR: I'm not evil.
Panel 3. Incredible Man is exasperated with his friend.
INCREDIBLE MAN: There are only three things you need to be a supervillain...
Panel 4: Incredible Man throws open a closet full of supersuits and accessories.
INCREDIBLE MAN: A costume
Panel 5: An online ad on a hench-for-hire site.
INCREDIBLE MAN: Some hired henches
Panel 6: Incredible Man in a dramatic pose.
INCREDIBLE MAN: And showmanship!
<u>Page 11</u> Four panels.
Panel 1: Incredible Man and the Narrator square off. As with the fight with Dr. Lazarus, there an audience of civilians keeping a respectful distance. The Narrator is in his new costume as Death, the supervillain.
CAP. We followed largely the same script as last time.
Panel 2: Incredible Man and the Narrator fight.
CAP. Fight
Panel 3: Incredible Man and the Narrator have broken apart during their fight.
CAP. Dramatic dialog
INCREDIBLE MAN: You're reign of terror ends here!
NARRATOR: You fool! I have only just begun!
Panel 4: Incredible Man and the Narrator fighting.
CAP. Fight some more.
<u>Page 12</u> Four panels.
Panel 1: A large metal dome descends on Incredible Man.
Panel 2: Inside the dome Incredible Man operates power tools in front of microphones.
CAP. With a little acting from my friend...
INCREDIBLE MAN: Aaaaahhh!
Panel 3: Incredible Man squeezes a blood bag out onto the ground underneath the dome.
CAP. ... and a bit of blood...
Panel 4: The dome is lifted, revealing blood and some scraps of Incredible Man's costume.
CAP. ... we convinced the city their hero had been mulched in front of them.
<u>Page 13</u> One panel.
Panel 1: Incredible Man, in civilian clothes, whistles a happy tune as he walks down the street. Other heroes battle robots overhead.
CAP. Other heroes continued to deal with minor world-ending disasters and my friend got his life back.
<u>Page 14</u> Five panels.
Panel 1: Incredible Man and the Narrator are setting up an office.
CAP. Our small start-up became a thriving business.
CAP 2. My friend reached out to other heroes he knew wanted to retire...
Panel 2: Incredible Man is punched by another hero.
CAP (this caption stretches out across panels 2-4). ... and received an amusing assortment of reactions when they found out he was alive.
Panel 3: Incredible Man is hugged by another hero.
Panel 4: Incredible Man stands beside a hero who is sitting at a bar. There is a glass and a bottle of hard liquor sitting in on the bar in front of him.
HERO AT THE BAR: Who cares?
Panel 5: An elderly hero whispers into the ear of a younger hero.
CAP. McAllister's Retirement Agency became a closely guarded secret in the superhero community.
CAP 2. Whenever an old hero is ready to retire or a new one determines that life in the tights isn't for them, they come to us.
<u>Page 15</u> Three panels.
Panel 1: The Narrator sits inside a van, watching monitors. He is not wearing his helmet. The monitors show the WWII hero from page 1.
CAP. Today I am retiring a 90 year old superhero who wants to spend more time with his grandchildren.
Panel 2: A close up on the WWII hero's face.
CAP. On the van's monitors I can see the giddy excitement in his eyes though his lined face has the same grim determination it has had since WWII.
Panel 3: The Narrator steps out of the van, prepared to do fake battle. He is wearing his helmet.
CAP. A moment before the door slides open, I pull on my helmet.
CAP 2. I am become Death.