emo log

let me be. i need an outlet bc im sad and das not good.

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

why they thought changing the autism symbol, representing a group of people who very decidedly hate change, was a good idea, I will never understand

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

sometimes i think there is a finite number of tears we shed for each situation.

but my tears still won’t stop now even after i cried the night before in preparation.

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

i get all emo and cringe on my period yall

tehehe

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

its what i learnt from watching and studying things so i do them but when people don’t reciprocate i get a bit confused and upset because is there something wrong w me

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

im scared to ask for things because i dont know what i deserve

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

i have overactive imagination that my therapist calls anxiety

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

been there done that, only in it for the food

the people are just kinda culty and i’m not sure that’s my whole vibe

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

fomo is a weird thing because i know i won’t enjoy whatever they are up to but why do they have to be so secretive about it

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

ever since i have been going to therapy for my autism

i have come to realize that people don’t think like me

and that heightens my anxiety in social situations

but at least i’m less confused

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

huh

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

you are not a good best friend

and i am not going to continue to put in effort to care for you when i don’t feel the same care and support that i tried to have for you

it was my mistake to place that pressure on you when you clearly didn’t want it

im sorry it took me so long to realise that your actions never matched your words

if i never realised, i think i would have ended up resenting you

but im done going the extra mile when you were still at the starting line when i needed you

maybe the word meant something different to you

but its time to drop the ‘best’ now

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

one day i want to cry over somebody that isn’t me

i want to cry over somebody else

i want to cry over something that isnt myself

one day i don’t want to act

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

i don’t know why i give out so much of myself and expect people to give themselves to me too. what’s left is a broken and fragmented mess trying to support itself under the pressure of it all.

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

just because i decided to live doesn’t mean i can’t hate life every now and then

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

insecure people will always seek out something better

they will never be satisfied with what they have.

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

i want to leave scars to show that my pain was worth something, if not its just a non existent struggle that i cant see and i dont think i can deal with that.

[gninxwkrknfbaok]

i don’t think the love that i want exists for me

i want the love that is written in my books

soft understanding and knowing smiles

i want someone to read me like im their favorite novel

i want someone who would sacrifice everything if it made me happy

i want to be so in love that they make everything better with their presence

the rock against my raging sea

two halves of a whole

i want us to exist solely for each other

that they would never think about another in a romantic light

because why would they

when what we have is everything we ever wanted

but what i read is so deep

that people can’t possibly emulate

love so superficial and easily broken

sometimes i think im not worthy of a love so great

when im so broken and jagged

that when i love it hurts

and all i deserve is someone who hurts me as much as i hurt them

because even if i fall in love now

i would still choose myself every time