baby cloud forming

Birdy, 28, they/them with sprinkles of he/him. still forming myself out

[gobbledok]

I am on the verge of begging on my hands and knees for my coworkers to mask consistently at work. I do my best to politely remind people. It is in our policy and I swear some of them just don’t give a fuxk. Cant I just have this ONE THING

[cannibalchicken]

[anusgeorg]

My ancestors died because they were born a long time ago

[gobbledok]

Ok so like. Abel is Bubble. I’m not the only one who sees it now too right (Cain absorbed whatever bubble was originally and erased whatever his original identity/purpose was ((remember when it was shown that they share a tongue? I think it was like the pilot or like ep 2? It was an early episode. I’m too crazy with ramblings to look it up right now. Anyway it was shown that they can at least swap the tongue or something. Therefore suggesting that Under the hood they’re one thing)) and tried to reduce him into a wacky sidekick he controls, effectively killing him? But clearly he didn’t fully succeed in his plan bc bubble is tormenting him behind the scenes. Is it because Bubble is still somewhat “conscious” despite being absorbed by Caine?)

I WANT BUBBLE ANSWERS

[innerchildabortionclinic]

favorite genre of joke. starting a collection

[kushblazer666]

[gobbledok]

Do you think if we all bitch about it hard enough, ConcernedApe will abolish Clint’s marriage candidacy the way they abolished Sonic’s original movie design

[comment-tube]

[ohcaptains]

[enyter]

[weirdrtvscomments]

.

[donthitanybody]

Tomska going hard on Twitter again.

[i-might-be-vanny]

[beardedmrbean]

[theradicalace]

we cannot live in chains

[gobbledok]

Watching the Kingdom Hearts fandub episodes after getting into RTVS is one of the most beautiful things bc suddenly I realize the lines and jokes that were references to previous stream bits and it makes me feel like I have insider knowledge

[gobbledok]

Every day I grieve how I missed the Joshua era of Wayneradiotv

[gobbledok]

I have started drawing dogshit art on purpose. My perfectionism will suffer and die if I have a say in anything anymore. RTVS has been a great second monitor for this, here are some shitty Baluup, Scorpy, and Wayne

[cad-comic]

[kiwimidnight]

TINY WRLD (2020)

[cocotine]

[revretch]

I love how much the monkey has the expression of a dog who *desperately* wants to play with something and has been told “no”

[gobbledok]

Vent post about drawing and disillusionment

I am trying to get back into drawing for real. I more or less stepped away from it 3ish years ago. A drawing here or there, but I completely abandoned any consistent form of practice.

I’ve felt the itch to go back for months now, but fuck. this is still so scary. There is still so much pressure inside my body and mind for the things I draw to look good and I don’t know why it won’t go away. I used to do this shit for years. Why can’t it just go away?

I’ve seen artists online say “just draw whatever you want! It’s more fun if you put your efforts into what makes you happy!” But like. For me it seems it’s not that simple. My perfectionism doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter how much I like the character or how much fun the thing I’m drawing is supposed to be, if it isn’t turning out the way it looked in my head, then I’ve failed this thing I like.

It all goes back to perfectionism and this fear of failure. I truly never learned how to just draw for myself. At some point I noticed that making good drawings came with compliments and attention, so I stuck with it. And it was fun! But now it seems that desire for validation has destroyed art for me from the inside-out.

It’s so sad to lose the spark. Attention or not, it was a part of me for so long, and now I can’t even doodle without scrutinizing and scolding my dumb hands for not making something look clean and professional on the first go, bc how dare I waste my precious limited time on something so mediocre? Being mediocre will never get me compliments. It will never make me worthy of anything.

I feel like I’m in Death of a Salesman. At some point I convinced myself my art was going to be something really special. I was going to make a webcomic or a graphic novel, and people would read my work and adore it and success would just naturally spring up around me. Of course logically I knew that was a complete fantasy, nothing is ever that easy, but I couldn’t help but think maybe there was a chance I had that special something, and that one day Lady Luck would just randomly bless me and my art would take off.

But in reality I’m not special. I never was. I’m not successful, I’m not popular. I’m just an average joe with a hobby. It might be all I’ll ever be. I guess even now I’m still not ready to accept that. Will I ever be? I can’t imagine never drawing ever again, but I also can’t imagine drawing without the hope that one day I could reach a ton of people, make them happy with my art, and in return get a lot of nice things said to me. Truly stuck between a rock and a hard place right now. I need a therapist