@goddessdmind - Tumblr Blog

...And we fell into each others arms as if it were the safest place to break apart again...

All I ever needed was your attempt to understand me, your belief that hopefully I was worth studying and learning as lessons on love continued to find their way in.

But all you ever wanted to learn were ways to get the best of me while giving the least of you. All you did was beg me to give you chances you wouldn’t give me, and be to you what you wouldn’t dare to be to be me.

All I ever needed was to feel understood while you were still learning how to understand me.

He talks about you like you put the stars in the sky, yet admitting you love them is like explaining what water tastes like... I’m content with the quiet things, the soft times and gentle moments. Yet his words are like rising waters crashing against the lighthouse walls of my heart. Will my heart withstand the push of your waves or will I finally let myself drown??

I fell in love with an illusion of you, the words you spoke fell so easily in my ears, straight to my heart... severing the veins to my longing heart.

You shattered the magic trick to love. Exposed to the lies I try to see through the veil. Yet still I believe you found my Queen of hearts out of the chaos of my life.

When all along you had the extra heart in your sleeve like a magician, a master of illusion

I’m sorry for giving you everything I had without making sure you wanted it.

I'm sorry I haven't been treating you like gold. I should've been polishing you until you shine.

I'm sorry I've abandoned your needs and disappointed them with wants.

I'm sorry I forced a drought on our loving home instead of watering our soil. I thought I was drowning.

I'm sorry I've taken the joy from your lips instead of feeding you with hope.

I'm sorry I mistreated your body with toxic and poison. Didn't offer you cure just lethal weapons. I thought you wanted to end.

I'm sorry I pushed you too far. The greatest distance. I must've thought you could run one more mile.

I'm sorry i grasp the thorns. My hands covered in blood. I must've thought it was going to be painless.

I'm sorry I didn't listen to your voice.

I'm sorry I opened you to love again. A heartbreak in the end.

I'm sorry I put you through a lot.

I am a shiny curse that takes hold of the deepest parts and won’t let go.

Most importantly I’m sorry that it was me that loved you.

Your kiss lit up my world like some forgotten galaxy lost inside my heart... When I look at you, I feel like I'm gazing at a distant star. It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago. Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more? Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything that I’ve ever felt. Your touch is an intoxicating draw with the power of a blackhole consuming my being pulling my soul closer to yours. Our feelings serenading around each other like comets pulled in orbit by the gravity of a distant planet waiting to collide with either disastrous effects or a beautiful design.

You’re such a unique being yet a familiar soul. Our spirits are attracted to each other in an intoxicating way which is terrifying and intriguing. It’s been very hard to let walls down and completely be my unfiltered self with anyone and it’s so frustratingly easy with you. I feel like we both know how to love wholeheartedly but don’t know how to believe we are truly loved. I feel like our paths crossing might change that... Even throughout a lot of chaos there’s there’s a sense of peace between us. You’re starting to fill the spaces between my fingers and pour love and care into the voids of my imperfect heart - it’s comforting yet so terrifying..

What if love was gravity? Gravity is the essence of attraction in the most basic form. What if time was an illusion? Time is not a clock. Time is the movement of gravity and light. There are no numbers, seconds, days or hours. That is why when you're in the flow, time seems to move differently.

What would you do if you were to free yourself from time, stop being afraid of love and live in this moment? Live your time for love. It is the one thing in life worth living for and dying for simultaneously.

I always ran away from situations when things went wrong. I never had an issue with confrontation but whenever I felt that someone was going to leave, I always made sure I left before they got the opportunity. Immature? I was I know. As I sit here and reflect, I thank God for growth. I’m happy that I’m able to sit down and hash things out rather than say my part and disappear. I had to learn that it’s not healthy and it wasn’t fair to me or to them. Don’t get me wrong, I still have that urge to run away when things go wrong but I’m learning how to breathe, tough it out, not let my emotions get the best of me and most importantly, communicate. Communication the hardest thing for my mind and lips to dance in Harmony. My make or break.

I had a dream last night... in this particular dream I died in my dreams - as I awoke not knowing I was sleeping I decided to walk.

See in my dream that night I walked in my sleep, I slept in my walk, I walked backwards until I saw you for the first time and I could barely muster the courage to introduce myself all over again.

You see, I’ve been trying to find the right words, been trying to find the right steps to what seems to me like thousands of years but something just keeps going wrong...

Loving you kept leading to my death. I kept resurrecting and laying foundations to your love.

Continuously dying and coming back in a loop...

I died and came back as a caterpillar turning into a butterfly and landed in the palm of your hands and as you brushed me away the rejection killed me.

But then I came back and I left notes in random places hoping that you would stumble across them.

I carved our names in trees then prayed it would jog your memory. I whispered your name in the wind hoping somehow maybe someway my voice would reach you... but it didn’t and I died.

I died early, I died young with breadcrumbs still in my hands just hoping that you would find me but you never did.

So I was buried and when they did they put coins over my eyes and I used those coins for a bus fare back to earth just so I could look for you.

That’s why... well... that’s why sometimes when we hold hands, every so often, I hold on a little too tight and I’m sorry... I just don’t want to lose you again…

I imagine that when God made you- he cussed for the first time... I bet he turned to an Angel gave em a high five and said “God damn I’m good!” Or maybe he’d say “Me damn I’m good” !?!?!? I don’t know but when he created the beautiful imperfect perfection of stardust that is you he smiled for the first time.

I gotta be honest it’s not often I find myself eager to write about love. In fact every time I try to write about love, my hands cramp up, just to show me how painful love can be. Sometimes my pencils break just to prove to me that every now and then love takes a little more work than you planned.

I heard love is blind... so maybe I should write my poems in Braille?!?

My poems never seem to actually finish because true love is supposed to be endless.

I always believed that real love is kinda like a Bob Ross painting “it’s the imperfections that make something beautiful”

I love you the same way I learned how to ride a bike - scared but a little reckless, No helmet or elbow pads, so my scars can tell the story of how I fell for you. Of how you have the audacity to remain beautiful even on days where the world around you is dark and ugly. Of how your fingers are like violin strings playing symphonies every time you stroke them against my skin. Of how I melt in front of you like an ice sculpture every time I hear the vibrations in your voice. Of how every time I see your name on my phone my heart plays hopscotch inside of my chest. It climbs onto my ribs like monkey bars and I feel like a child all over again. I know it’s gonna sound weird but... I pray that God somehow turns me back into your rib just so I wouldn’t have to spend an entire day apart from you... I never understood the depth of the oceans until your eyes locked with mine... Suddenly my heart filled with the weight of the sea. Like a million feelings in a single wave.

If you still wonder how I feel about you... Well let me put it like this...

I want to be your Ex-girl’s stuntman - I want to do everything she didn’t have the courage to do... like trust you. To love every imperfection and fault. To show you falling is easy when my arms are there to catch the pieces of your soul and stitch them whole with your heart. To lead the way beside you to a lifetime full of bliss hope and love...

That night I wanted to be set free. I wanted to feel something instead of feeling dark and twisted. I speak about my past like it’s the last good thing I left. I speak about the days when life didn’t taste sour and when my blood didn’t smell like whiskey, But when I talk about now and what’s ahead the words spill like poison inside my head. I say I regret opening up because it gave people the chance to dig holes inside my heart. But that night I wanted everything to be different. I wanted to bottle up the stars like you do to these feelings, and maybe just maybe decide to come out of the dark.

I am not stuck.

I was committed to certain patterns of behavior and communication because they were so very helpful in the past, but now those patterns have become more harmful than helpful.

Those patterns have been all I've ever know, and has helped me get to where I stand but, Why can't it move forward? Because I kept applying an old formula to a new level of my life.

The biggest thing is having trust in not following something that I once trusted my life on. It's like learning how to live again, like walking into an unknown forest barefoot, blindly, and cold, not knowing if it even speaks a language I can comprehend, but I am so exhausted of all this harm, yet I swear I can hear a thunder storm raging in the forest but the devil I know might not be better than the one I don't know.

It's finding that trust in yourself that the forest has been ready and waiting for my arrival for a long time, they have fresh socks, A warm blanket, and light for my eyes to see, a sunshining constantly, a song playing so beautifully, harm can't even exist as a thought but standing outside the forest, trusting on nothing physical, just pure heart.

My hearts been begging me to walk in, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't uncomfortable, or uneasy, scared. But I no longer have anything to lose, but only harm to gain the longer I stand outside the forest that's been calling my name.

You were supposed to stop me... You were supposed to hold on to me even though I tried to run.

I watched the love you had for me die before I had a chance to water the ground.

I resent the star that tricked my tired eyes into believing you burn brighter than you really are

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN TELL YOU THAT YOU DON'T ALREADY KNOW. BUT I CAN WEAVE A MILLION WORDS THAT MIGHT INSPIRE YOU TO LISTEN TO THE CHOIR YOU HAVE MUTED IN YOUR SOUL

Never have I been a calm blue sea. I have always been a raging storm waiting for someone brave enough to sail through my towering waves and conquer the deep treasures of my heart.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs