I've been having nothing but break downs lately. It just feels like everything in my life is coming at me. I've never truly been happy with how my life is and every chance I get to try and change it around, I always feel like something comes to ruin it. I put too much interest into people that I start getting feelings for and it drives them away because I come off as a fucking weirdo to them. The reason my last relationship ended was because I was a piece of shit that put my needs first before someone else's and it wasn't until the end that I even decided to change my stupid ass ways. I broke someone's heart more than I could imagine and I hate that no matter what I do, or try to do, there's nothing in this world that I could have done to make it up to them other than to cease to be a part of their life and even then I had to learn that the hard way. That's why whenever someone does show interest in me I get overly excited and end up ruining it all at the end. Nowadays I try to spend my time trying to make others happy, putting their needs first before mine, and for the most part I do get happy knowing that I make people happy or help them in a positive way but sometimes I feel like I can't keep going on with that. Thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore, or just hurting myself, come crawling back but I get scared thinking of what will happen if I ever do go through with it all. I don't want to keep depending on others for my own happiness, I just want to be happy by my own actions that are for myself. And I need to stop drinking and fucking around, it helps me cope with reality but it's not what I need to come to terms with what I'm going through. I just need to find inner peace and I hope I find it soon
izzy806
kaledo-art
theartofmadeline
jacobvanloon
