characters will be tagged according to name (ex: sister imperator, mr psaltarian, papa iii) with the exception of non-canon names and characters with several names. this includes:
# frater imperator : cardinal copia, papa iv
# mama imperator & papa imperator : sister imperator’s parents
# ghosty twins : sister imperator’s twin sisters
# the reverend : sister imperator’s stepdad
# mama emeritus & papa emeritus : papa nihil’s parents
he literally being so obnoxious and manhandling her while they’re just fooling around after a show and he’s squeezing her ass and slyly trying to nudge the crotch of her leotard aside and rudely try to push a finger or two inside of her already soaked cunt
he’s being mean and very loudly telling her how wet she is already <3 he’s making her hold her leotard aside while she sits on his dick and he just sits back and holds the ribbons of her costume aside <3 she’s soaking through the front of his jeans <3 he’s promising not to get any cum on her outfit but is wiping his dick off using the inner fabric of her leotard just to make more of a mess for her to clean up and think about him later <3 and so she has to feel his cum against her cunt when she’s walking back to change out of her costume <3
nihil does nawttttt give a single fuck when he finds out. he’s been horny for TOO damn long and nothing is stopping him. he’s got sister laying in his lap with her ass up while he works two fingers down to the knuckle. he’s being greedy and when he’s eating her out, he’s got a hand between her legs to jerk her off at the same time until she’s shivering and pressing back into his face for more between the stuttering of her hips to fuck his hand. she’s trying to talk back and mouth off at him like usual, desperate to keep up their regular banter to fight off her nerves when he’s lubing her up and preparing to fuck her for the first time but she’s digging her nails into his shoulders until he’s bleeding. he’s kissing her face all over and telling her to relax when he’s finally got a hand on his own dick, tip resting against her puffy hole and slowly working his way inside her….. ugh he’s literally being such a sweetheart about it all he wants to make her feel good all the time
young sister imperator/nihil is so awesome. they were just stupid teenagers working in a circus. nihil would leave for unspecified amounts of time for seminary (which he would promptly run away from every few months before the semester even wrapped) and sister would just be bored sitting around his trailer looking through his things when he isn’t around to tell her to quit it (because clearly there isn’t enough work to be done). nihil is not at all prepared for her to hold up his childhood stuffed animal that he keeps tucked beneath his sheets when he’s away (so it does not get cold) and ask him why he still has it. she can’t even bring herself to bully him for keeping around his raggedy looking horse plushie because he already looks embarrassed about it but she brings it up anytime he suggests they go back to his room. “i can’t give you a handy. ur horsey is looking at us.” nihil hates that she knows but is somewhat thankful that she didn’t make him throw it out and hasn’t mentioned it to his siblings (who would 100000% bully the fuck out of him for it. the way siblings do) so he supposes it could be worse. after her discovery, when nihil is away she steals his horsey to take to her own room because it smells like him and even if it is stupid, she knows it’s important to him so it feels like a fitting token to cuddle with when he isn’t around.
let’s hear some noise for little family marika/psaltarian + young cardi <3
- marika is ALWAYS five minutes late. doesn’t matter what they’re doing, where they’re going. it drives psaltarian up the wall because nothing he does to help works. setting her bedside alarm earlier to give her time to dilly dally? she’s still lounging in bed and rolling onto his side so she can enjoy the “accidental” extra time cuddling. lying about the time of events so that they have to leave earlier? marika manages to lose her glasses right before they’re set to leave and everyone in the house has to go on a scavenger hunt- only for her to find them in her purse once everyone has given up hope. there’s no telling the exact reason why it’s always five minutes that she’s late by but it’s forced psaltarian to be less anal about timeliness after years of her wearing him down.
- family gatherings are held every sunday at the psaltarian’s house upon marika’s insistence (and her brothers’ eager push for it to be held at their bougie beach house instead of the ministry) that cardi grows up around family. except, cardi can’t stand it. they’re all too loud and everyone always winds up drinking a bit more than they should. this means embarrassing questions from his weird uncles who won’t stop asking if he has a girlfriend yet (which marika admittedly shuts down immediately because her baby is five and secondo does not need to put ideas in his mind). then there’s sister imperator who’s always hovering and calling him over to talk except it’s like she never knows what to say so it winds up being some lecture about how he has to be good in school and how in a few more years he’ll be able to help around the ministry (like he’s been absolutely dying for the opportunity). thankfully, psaltarian feels the same way as cardi about these gatherings. he’s tired of watching drunken idiots stumble off his deck and yelling over card games and petty debates so when he sees cardi’s social battery die, he gets to come to the rescue. psaltarian gets to be the responsible dad and tell everyone that it’s getting late for cardi and to say their goodnights to him. cardi is finally led back into the house where his pa follows him back to his room and just plops down on the floor, no mention of pajamas or teeth brushing because he knows they both just need a break. they get to sit together and play with his toy cars on the floor in silence before psaltarian is called back to the party again.
- psaltarian’s family is still very much baptist and have no goddamn clue what he’s gotten himself into soooo when the holidays come around, he’s still expected on christmas. now that he has a family of his own this includes training little cardi that there will be absolutely no satan-talk or any mention of their church whatsoever because psaltarian and marika are aware that he’s the most likely to slip up. cardi nods along, very confused because the church basically rules every moment of their lives (sunday and saturday mass, preschool studies in the ministry daycare, alternating mondays and thursdays when marika leads prayer). by some miracle, cardi does a wonderful job avoiding these topics (with a little bit of nudging and intense stares from his parents) with his grandparents. except he is doing TOO well because he is stressing himself out and getting upset when he can’t ask anyone to grab some of his favorite appetizer because it’s a “bad word.” after a plethora of guesses from everyone just assuming he’s too little to verbalize it or forgot the word, cardi finally breaks down. deviled eggs. he just wanted his deviled eggs but he didn’t want to disappoint mama and papa by breaking his promise of no satan-talk.
- the official move to california was really stressful on little cardi and marika for obvious reasons. she was grateful to be closer to psaltarian and part of this new chapter of the ministry’s history but with the language changes, being away from the brunt of her family, and guiding cardi through it all was a lot to manage especially at that stage in his life. once a month, marika will pull him out of school to enjoy a day to themselves just like old times. they’ll go out for ice cream first, cardi enjoying his mint-chip waffle cone and marika with her cup of strawberry gelato. they sit on the benches outside of the shop (because cardi is just too messy to sit at a table) and take turns playing i spy. more often than not, it just turns into people watching and the two giggling to each other in romanian about it.
- because of his role in the clergy, psaltarian doesn’t get to spend much time with cardi. to tiny cardi, the gap in their relationship is painstakingly noticeable. despite having younger siblings himself, psaltarian just gets incredibly awkward and unsure of how to handle little cardi at times. the rare bonding moments they do have most often happen when marika is away, some business trip or another (committing felonies with sister imperator) that cuts her out of the picture and gives them a chance to interact in a non-staged way. they can only handle so many father/son bonding days set up by marika before they’re both asking when they can go home. after a particularly boring day of cardi sitting around his office coloring, psaltarian suggests they go see a movie to kill some time waiting for traffic to calm down. there’s nothing much on the children’s film front and psaltarian isn’t entirely sure than he’s going to be able to sit through any of these. and then they see it: that bright yellow and pink poster for black belt jones. sure, it’s maybe a tad more mature than what marika would want her little boy to be watching but it entirely opens up a new world for psaltarian and cardi. their bonding over martial arts is just enough for psalt to put aside all the times he’s been embarrassed at the park when cardi begs to play plague pit instead of catch. it becomes their little tradition whenever marika is out of town.
- cardi is the world’s most nightmarish picky eater. many a night psaltarian and marika will be forced to sit at the table with him until bedtime, swearing that he won’t be able to leave the table until he finishes his vegetables. this is the least effective method possible and truly becomes more of a punishment for marika/psaltarian than for cardi. quick negations between cardi and one of them are frequent, hushed offers of “if you just eat one green bean and promise to finish them next time, we can both leave. okay?” neither of them realize that they’ve been falling short on discipline side of things and try to maintain that hardass facade but they just don’t have the spirit for it. at the end of the day, psaltarian could give less of a fuck if cardi doesn’t like brussel sprouts or fish jello- he knows damn well he won’t even eat it himself and doesn’t see any point punishing cardi for having tastebuds.
- re: cardi and sports. cardi so desperately wants to be an athlete, begs to be put into any sport he knows of and swears that he’ll really stick to it this time. he never does. marika gets stuck trying to train cardi (too ashamed to admit to psaltarian that they should probably just stop paying the little league fees) and it very well be her breaking point. she’s got the patience of a saint and is willing to go slow with cardi, takes the time to make sure he stops flinching every single time she tosses the ball to him and stops him from spending his time in the field picking out handfuls of grass and wild flowers. even after everything, card just doesn’t get it. his greatest success was finally hitting the ball- behind him. out of bounds. by the bag making contact with the ball was just enough for marika to burst into tears in the bleachers because she knows it’s the best she’ll get out of him.
- nightmares are a frequent occurrence and more often than not, they end with little cardi worming him way between marika and psaltarian because it’s the only way to calm him down. except, cardi has absolutely no understanding of personal space and is hogging the entire center of the bed until his ma and pa are on the verge of falling onto the floor. tiny cardi is throwing his arm over psaltarian’s face and kicking marika in the stomach while passed out, not a single care in the world until he hears someone (marika) snoring and suddenly he’s raising hell over it. he also insists on bringing the most inconvenient toys into their bed for comfort. that big teddy bear they got him for winter solstice? nope. that elephant plushie that he picked out on their trip to the zoo? nah. the giant fire truck that has working sirens and lights? obviously. psaltarian is so close to kicking cardi out but even after being poked in the eye by the fire trucks little plastic ladder, marika refuses to let her little boy grow up so soon. if that means literally losing sleep over it, so be it. they can suffer through this until cardi decides that marika’s snoring is just too bothersome and he finds some way to manage in his own bed.
young sister imperator having such a difficult time grappling her feelings for nihil because being a preacher’s daughter has done crazy things to her head and also it is unfortunately 1959. she’s so damn thankful that nihil is only around every so often and that the circus remains safe for her when nihil isn’t making her face burn and palms itch with the need to smack her for every joke and compliment sent her way. sister has never been in love before, she can’t even begin to place a name to what nihil makes her feel other than sick. and still, she misses her when she’s away. she misses nihil’s company and the way she snorts when sister trips over her own feet, the gentleness that she approaches others (her horse and nephews and sister imperator. that’s it.) with. it isn’t nihil’s fault that she makes sister dizzy when she’s around, like she’s high off of her energy and hanging onto her every word like she’s desperate for another hit- well, maybe it is nihil’s fault. the constant touching is appropriate on paper, taking heavy objects from sister’s hands and gripping her forearm for support when shifting the load, a palm pressed against her shoulder when sister backs out of the ring and almost races back into the equipment. she’s just being helpful and it doesn’t mean anything. right?
the dynamic is different when they make it back to the romanian abbey for winter. for the first time since she’s met her, nihil looks proper. hair combed and slicked back beneath her veil, her black habit managing to be tight around her chest and arms even with all the extra fabric they’re made with to maintain some hint of anonymity. more than once sister catches herself staring at the outline of her biceps when sitting on the pew behind the family during mass, so lost in thought that she forgets to follow along the prayers that she’s meant to be learning. nihil doesn’t mind though. during the moments of silent prayer she makes sure to kick terzo in the shin as she turns to face sister, face lit up in a crooked smile because she already knows that sister’s eyes won’t be closed in focus- she’s felt her stare over the course of the hour, stomach all light with some sort of giddy hope. throughout the cold months and countless trials, nihil is still sweet on her. she’s been tasked with familiarizing sister with their faith and she is taking it very seriously. by seriously, nihil means that she will be spending as much time alone with sister pouring over the same shitty bible she’s had since she turned 13 just to hear imperator repeat every verse and prayer that nihil tells her to (not that it goes without a fight). she knows it’s hard for sister for reasons that the girl won’t explain to her and that’s alright, she wouldn’t pry. nihil tells her all of her old tricks, how she manages to look busy during adoration and liturgy, midnight mass and every other event that happens at a time of day that she really could not care to devote herself to. sister smiles and recounts her own experiences with it, how when she was little she’d say the alphabet backwards instead of following along with the choir and all the time she spent kicking the underside of the pew when the people in front of her talked too loud. for the first time, it isn’t nerves that eat her up when nihil is around but an overwhelming familiarity. it feels like she’s known nihil her entire life.
their first kiss is instinctual. there’s nothing planned about it, no real sense of acknowledgment when they fall into each other- it just feels right. it’s supposed to happen. nihil sneaks sister imperator around during rituals, takes her through attic crawl spaces and storage rooms just for a glimpse into what her life could be like if she went through with her vows, if she stayed with nihil’s family like they desperately want her to. the orgies, the sacrifices, the countless performances which seem more like entrainment than worship to her but make nihil’s eyes light up like she’s seeing something holy that sister isn’t. it’s dirty and messy and it makes her feel more human than she has in years- not just the rituals but sneaking around with nihil too. it’s exciting having a secret that doesn’t make her ache, her hand clasped in nihil’s while she’s guided through messes of retired chapel equipment and forgotten relics. kneeling beside nihil taking turns peeping through a crack in an aged brick wall, she feels alive. when her hand falls from the wall and reaches out to make sure nihil is still there, she cant let go of the hand that nihil offers her in return. the humming of the ritual beyond the wall is nothing but a low drone, only the sound of her own blood rushing in her ears and the combined noise of their ragged breathing. sister moves first. it’s undefined and more hesitant than she’d like it to be, eyes clenched shut like she’s scared to see nihil’s reactions when she presses their mouths together. god nihil doesn’t move for five, ten seconds and her heart is going to tear a hole right through her chest with the way it’s beating so hard. but then it happens. it all hits nihil at once, breaking out of her shock and unbridled joy and finally remembering that she has a job to do. she wraps an arm around sister’s waist, dusty hands brushing against her pure white habit as she pulls her closer and kisses her back like she’s dreamt of doing for the past year.
Apart from Romanian food, what is Marika's favourite cuisine (maybe separate cuisines for home cooking and date nights with Psaltarian?)
this became an exploration of marika's relationship with food as a whole so! cw: disordered eating mentions
given all the traveling she's done in her life, marika is entirely open to any foods she comes across. in her youth it's a bit more rocky because of her very Very strict diet thanks to weight expectations set and managed by her parents (she loves her family but it’s the 50s and they’re in a cult, the dynamic isn’t entirely ideal) which determines whether she is going to make it into the show. combine that with religious fasting and her relationship with food is not the best to say in the least.
that being said, marika still enjoys the foods from everywhere she visits! the circus primarily tours throughout eastern europe so she’s already familiar and accustomed to a lot of the slavic dishes in the busy cities they visit while touring. when visiting nihil in the parisian seminary, she is making a few extra stops around the city to enjoy various cheeses. she loves a good charcuterie board/spread mostly because of the social aspect of snacking which becomes even more important to her in her later years after the time spent away from her family (very much raised to be a good host). other than that, she gets to “splurge” during the winters when they return to the romanian abbey and gets to enjoy her family’s foods to the full extend for at least the first half of the season before she needs to pursue training seriously again.
home/family meals tend to vary by night because they take turns cooking! this was mostly suggested and enforced by marika because she is a #modernwoman so she/psalt split chores relatively evenly. then more importantly, marika grew up taking turns preparing meals with her siblings/the troupe/abbey (communal meals as shown in vol. 2) and she wants cardi to experience that too! marika tends to stick to traditional foods she grew up with (comfort foods for both her and cardi when they’re feeling particularly homesick) but she also happens to be a big fan of making whatever the fuck is in their cabinets. she LOVES a savory jello dish thanks to similar dishes she grew up with. however, seeing that gelatin mold put out on the counter is an instant day-ruiner for cardi and psalt. though her diet practices aren’t anywhere near as rigid as they were in her performing days, most of the meals she prepares tend to be very high in protein.
when it comes to ordering takeout, thai food is the go-to for marika. she is one of two emeritus’ that can actually handle spice (secondo and terzo both swear up and down that they love spicy foods too but they are red in the face the moment it hits their tongues) and enjoys a gaeng kiew wan along with other curries, which she will be eating the family serving of (it’s a special treat okay). they live in california so, naturally, mexican cuisine is in their regular rotations as well which she doesn’t mind but definitely doesn’t enjoy it to the extent that cardi does (that boy will fuck up an enchilada like nobody’s business). at the influence of her own cultural dishes, marika fucking LOVES stew and usually goes for birria because it tends to be available at most of the (admittedly americanized) restaurants they dine at, although she prefers pozole rojo.
date nights tend to be steakhouses, higher end places where they can splurge and more importantly enjoy the atmosphere because they tend to stick around for hours. as unfortunate as that may be for their server, marika makes sure to sneak a few extra bills beneath their cheque to cover psaltarian’s more performance-based tipping system. marika, usually bored of her protein goals by this point, opts for a simple pasta dish or soup on the nights that she doesn’t split a plate with psaltarian (although you can guarantee they will be swapping bites from each other’s plates no matter what). now, older marika has developed a prominent sweet tooth after a youth mostly deprived of sugar so dessert is a must when they go out. she’ll usually go for any sort of chocolate cakes available (à la mode of course) but also enjoys custard-based treats like flan or crème brûlée on the nights that she doesn’t want something “too sweet.”
Last day of June is still Pride Month, and also every month can be pride month if you want it to, so here's a Ghost post after forever!!
This art is dedicated to my beloved mutual @barelydaisy and all the silly fun and juicy posts about Era 0 over on their Ghost sideblog @gogodollie. Specifically this post for Marika and Sister dancing together during the circus days and this post for how Nihil and Psaltarian could have met back in the day. Thanks for supporting every art post I make on this blog mutual ily <3 sry I lowkey didn't have patience to draw a background lol 😭
marika wasn’t worried for the bloodline when she realized cardi was gay because she had already learned from her dear brother primo that you don’t need to like women to produce children🩷
What if I said the bob was trans woman Nihil's first attempt at presenting feminine and immediately everyone bullied her for it
fuckkkkk this fucking circus man nihil’s older brothers will be cross dressing for their clown act and then call HER the faggot for growing her hair out. we can’t have anything nice apparently. their satanic church itself is not transphobic and actively preaches against the gender binary BUT things get murky when the bloodline comes into play- at least to papa -1 it makes all the difference between success and happiness. that doesn’t keep baby transfem nihil from clutching her baphomet sigil necklace and praying for a sign though.
aside from nihil’s family being less than kind to her (many such cases), the important thing here is that NIHIL LOVES HER BIG SISTER!!!!!! nihil deciding to grow her hair out in the same style and fashion as marika because she wants to be just like her big sister💔 and marika finally getting the sister she’s always wanteddddd which does mean holding nihil down for manicures (nihil doesn’t have the patience for them but marika won’t stand for raggedy dirty nail beds in her circus)
novice sister imperator who’s recently gotten closer with nihil (in her standoffish way which only allows nihil to ask her one personal question per day) having a general sense that something is Different about nihil that makes him more tolerable than the other brothers and men of the circus. it takes a few weeks (and then some) before things finally click for sister and before nihil even knows it herself, she comes to find a spare habit and veil laid out on her bed. certainly isn’t suspicious that marika had shown sister imperator the garment storage earlier in the week to prepare for her vows……..
baby faced teen nihil sneaking into his big brother’s tent in the middle of the night per his usual cigarette stealing routine (he cycles through his siblings’ trunks every other day so that there’s a short period of time between the last missing cigarette). primo is face down in bed, ass up and deforesting entire fucking continents with how loud he’s snoring while his latest girlfriends are tucked against each side of him. nihil very briefly gets distracted trying not to laugh out loud at the very frog-like shape of primo’s ass, which he knows he will have to refrain from joking about the next morning at breakfast because obviously he knows primo will skin him alive if he finds out about the dozens of cigarettes that he’s stolen over the years. he then proceeds to forget his mission when his useless teenage boy brain shifts to the naked woman in the room and he stares open mouthed for a solid minute because nihil is god’s weakest soldier and a hint of boob is a lot for him at this time. eventually he snaps out of it and makes out with TWO whole cigarettes for his troubles, which he will be sharing with the current love of his life: a trapeze artist who is going to leave him for his gay artsy brother in about 30 minutes.
hello gogodollie here certified marika/psaltarian warrior who saw your post about them fucking old people style AND i also saw your post about soft cocks… and basically…. older psaltarian with erectile dysfunction from his high blood pressure is very Very real to me. and lord you know marika is on that shit STILL nothing is stopping her from appreciating her husband whether that little blue pill is there to help or not
SO TRUEEEEEE
These elderly fucks Love and Fuck each other soso much. They love every deep wrinkle and every bit of sagging skin on each other's aged bodies, and they've had a long time to learn each other's needs and how they've changed as they got older. I'm kicking my feet imagining them after a long day's work lazily undressing each other (esp Psalty undoing Marika's hair and letting it fall long and gorgeous on her chest and shoulders) and going down on each other for a while to unwind. Urg I really need to draw themmm
I also think Mr Psaltarian likes an occasional pegging
every so often i just have to stop by your inbox to dangle more cardi analysis / headcanon bait in front of you 🎣
tell us about cardi and star wars 🎤
Wow as a lifelong Star Wars fan myself this is perfect bait (also I love you for doing this for me every so often, thank you) - but oddly enough I ended up on a black hole about Jim Crow and black survivors of Vietnam because I wanted to make sure my Mr. Psaltarian headcanons worked and now that's a whole other post I'm gonna have to make one day (so thanks for that too XD).
Credit to your own Star Wars Day post for the shot of his bedroom's Star Wars pillow which I'm using as the header/pre Keep Reading Image
Cardi was 7 years old when Star Wars (retroactively titled A New Hope) came out, 10 years old when The Empire Strikes Back came out, and 13 years old when Return of the Jedi came out. As a point of personal comparison, I was 9 going on 10 (and culturally sheltered enough to probably map on to Cardi's 7) when the Star Wars Trilogy Special Edition started their theatrical release and I saw them for the first time. And well. Star Wars fundamentally shaped me as a person. I am certain it was worse for him.
I am completely convinced that Mr. Psaltarian and Marika were the ones to take him to see the movie. They were raising him after all - I feel like in a more equal world than 1977 Mr. Psaltarian would have taken him on his own as a father figure/adopted son bonding excursion, but Marika was definitely there because I imagine that the practicality of a mixed race couple raising a white baby is something they grappled with in every decision they made and they wouldn't have wanted Psalty to get harassed for being out in public alone with an apparently unrelated white kid. So while Psaltarian is watching the film and feeling some kind of way about Vietnam (I headcanon that he, like his actor, is a veteran) and Marika is falling asleep with her head on his shoulder, Cardi is sitting there with a bag of popcorn in his lap that he keeps forgetting to eat from because he is spellbound.
From that point onward Star Wars is an essential building block of the Psaltarian household. Cardi is using footwork from his ballet lessons to make even more impressive lightsaber duels with a stick from the yard and laser noises in his mouth. Any time he is forced to sit still for longer than two minutes he mimes turning off a targeting computer and flying an X-Wing in his seat. He overidentifies with Luke from the Start - he doesn't yet know that the Psaltarians are his Aunt and Uncle and that the parallel is that direct, but he knows in his gut that the woman he calls Mom probably isn't and Psalty has been honest with him from the start about not being Dad. He begs and pleads to get permission from Marika to stay up late enough to watch the Star Wars Holiday Special when it airs - something he steadfastly denies having done when he is older and it becomes the beacon of uncoolness it later represented (and for years he quietly celebrates the Christmas season as Life Day because he's a baby Satanist what does he care about Jesus's birthday).
If the original 1977 Star Wars release is the embodiment of his childhood wonder and something that permanently shaped his imagination, then The Empire Strikes Back is something that set him up for the existential questions that encroach on smart kids when they hit the double digits (and I firmly believe that Cardi is a total himbo dumbass and also very smart, he can be both). He knows Psalty is not his father. He doesn't know who his father is. He identifies with Luke - and look which scene is on the pillow in Cardi's bedroom. The "I am your Father" moment I think effected him profoundly. Cardi came away from ESB fantasizing about the moment where something similar might happen to him - what if a big scary monster came to him one day and told him he was his father? Super cute mental image - for a little while Cardi wonders if his biological Dad might be Primo, because of the shared eyes and the fact that Luke's father turned out to be the most terrifying person he knew.
I think ESB also helps Cardi cope with and contextualize his relationship with Mr. Psaltarian - Psalty is his Yoda. That's why Psaltarian always held him to such high standards growing up, "Do or Do Not - there is no try". Putting Psaltarian in that context I think is a bit healing for him - he can't expect the unconditional love of a father from a Jedi Master, that's not what Yoda's there for and it's not what Psalty is there for. Identifying with Luke so strongly and recognizing that he too was placed with a mentor figure probably does nothing to deflate his sense of ego and destiny. Note I don't think any of this is conscious thought, this is things in his mind clicking into place without him doing a lot of introspective legwork - he's only 10 still after all.
By the time he's 13, Return of the Jedi is coming out and Cardi is torn - a part of him worries it might be Uncool to still care this much about Star Wars at his age, but he is also desperate to see where the ending goes. If ten year old Cardi went to see ESB with feral enthusiasm, a more subdued teenager attends ROTJ - seeing the movie by himself this time. I think Return of the Jedi pisses Cardi off. As a huge ROTJ fan myself, I'm sorry, I think Cardi was that kind of obnoxious Gen Xer who sincerely argues about Star Wars like the scene in Clerks (I say was because I think by age 56 and the release of Prequels and Sequels he would have grown out of it a bit).
But for one, he identifies with Luke, and Luke does not get the girl - Han does (the girl even turns out to be his sister! what a ripoff!). Luke has a sobered, emotionally mature personal here and Cardi is seeing it as a cocksure 13 year old who will be yelling at Luke to just fight already. I think he'd come to appreciate the movie and its themes later in life, but as an angsty teen he's not looking for a story about redemption he's looking for a story about revenge. However! I don't think he disliked the Ewoks. I bet he cheered like a goof in the theater each time they succeeded in ambushing the stormtroopers.
Once home media is a thing he is rewatching the VHS tapes every chance he gets, especially Empire. Even when he comes around a bit on Jedi (which still takes him decades), Empire remains his favorite. Whenever he has a sick day, he curls up in a blanket and watches Empire Strikes Back to feel something again. By the 90s, Extended Universe novels are coming out and he's devouring those with a spoon during his breaks in his career as a cardinal. He cries in the theater at the Special Editions, though at this point he STILL isn't wild about ROTJ.
He has mixed feelings on the Prequels. I don't think he hates Episode I like a lot of his cohort - I could see him thinking Jar Jar Binks is actually kinda funny, he's a career bureaucrat himself so he's not lost in the byzantine plot about trade embargoes, and he is absolutely delighted by seeing more Jedi Shit in a way that makes him feel like a kid again. He comes out of Phantom Menace cautiously optimistic and wishing he had a ghoul who was like Darth Maul. He hates Attack of the Clones for the bloat of the romance plot - I keep making him hate my favorite movies in the trilogy but I like AOTC for being the Detective Obi-Wan Show and I don't think he has imprinted enough on young Obi-Wan to get over both the snoozefest of the romance and seeing Anakin slaughter children to avenge his mom. Cardi LOVES Revenge of the Sith. It ties back into the main trilogy in ways that don't feel overly fanservicey and he comes out of the theater for that one trying to convince people he was NOT crying, there was something in his eyes.
I don't think Cardi saw the Clone Wars cartoons but not for lack of interest - he was very busy and I think his attention span was ill suited to following a long series. (it is my dream date to binge watch them with him). So we fast forward to the Sequels. I don't think he's seen Rise of Skywalker and The Last Jedi. He was at this Most Busy Ever when those two came out. He still hasn't seen them to this day. He had fun at The Force Awakens and it's one of the last movies he saw in a theater, but it left him feeling a bit hollow, like something was missing - older more mature Cardi acknowledges that this movie is not for him, it's for younger people.
I think that specifically Frater Imperator has a whole new appreciation for Return of the Jedi. Specifically, I think in his period of grief after Sister's death he comforted himself with a Star Wars marathon. And this time it hit different. This time he Knows who his father is. This time he too has a long lost twin. This time he understands what it is to forgive a deeply flawed old man who saved him at the last minute after a lifetime of being shitty. It...does not cheer him up the way it hoped. But it settles something inside him, the way that ESB originally settled something about being adopted inside him. Empire is still his favorite, but he Gets ROTJ now in a way he never did before.
Side note: the joke of the Audition Tape chapter is that he's constantly getting the lines wrong of all the films he's quoting, and I can imagine one might have a criticism of this wondering how could he be such a huge Star Wars fan and misquote it? To that I say - Cardi often got lyrics wrong on stage, mostly to cover songs (there's a Jesus He Knows me performance in particular that devolves right into Simlish) but occasionally to his own, he forgot to hand the flowers that were actively in his hand to Sister when he saw her in the hospital and in the same episode couldn't remember what he was supposed to announce, and he calls himself the 'main poncho' despite that not being a thing anyone has ever been. Cardi has memory problems. This is canon. Poor Pookie's brain is scrambled.
I am out of steam and I wish I had more to say on the topic because Cardi and Star Wars are my two favorite topics
marika talking about what a sad little boy her poor cardi has been and how he’s been so distracted with grief that she’s “had” to step up to help him with the decision making meanwhile psaltarian is nodding sagely as he reminisces taking shots with perpetua backstage
pre-dating sister imperator and papa nihil curling up together as they’re huddled around the only working radio in the romanian abbey. nihil blushing and attempting to make another joke about sister mindlessly resting her hand on his knee, which sister immediately cuts him off by turning the sound dial up to drown him out (she’s blushing too but never mind that).
single parents au sister imperator and papa nihil…. their stupid babies HATE each other but god knows sister imperator is bribing cardi with ice cream so that she can see her stupid boyfriend who also happens to be cardi’s music teacher🙄
lovers, close together. @gogodollie - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
