What makes orgasm denial worth it for you? I'm really trying to understand because I can't imagine a scenario in which I don't get to come without being homicidal about it.
Iâve been mulling this over. I donât know anything about you, so I can put it in terms that would speak uniquely to you. I am speaking from my perspective, maybe you can relate.
Youâve been making yourself orgasm for a long time. You know the best way to do it the quickest and most deliciously. Maybe a cheeky edge or two first, but then youâre cumming hard and your visionâs blurring and youâre feeling high. Maybe youâre feeling great and youâre doneâŠor you go for a second, a third, a seventh. Then when you can barely feel your clit anymore, you clean yourself up and move onto the next thing. Youâre calm, satisfied, and the queen of your castle.
Or, youâve just finished playing with your partner. Theyâve made sure to spend time on you, ensuring you can orgasm, before their time with you is done. You know that this is the right way, because your pleasure matters just as much as theirs of course. You deserve to be satisfied just as much as they do. Whatâs the point otherwise?
What is orgasm to you, then? Satiation, pleasure, plenty, relief, the agency to close the activity and move on with your day. What does your possession of and entitlement to orgasm give you? Equality, power, freedom, dignity, satisfaction, self possession. It means youâre deserving. It means things are fair. It means your pleasure matters and that sex was a give and take experience. If someone thought otherwise, you would say with pride, âNo, of course I deserve to orgasm too. Why would it be any different for me?â
If youâve been following me for any period of time, you might know that I enjoy power exchange, but that itâs taken me a considerable amount of time to bring it from kinky escapades in bed to a lifestyle commitment. Itâs always been hot as hell to me, but itâs difficult to do in practice. Why? Because itâs exceptionally difficult to hand over things you really value - things that you tie to your sense of self possession and dignity - to another person.
When someone asks to take your orgasm from you (or tells you to sacrifice it at their altar, consent pending), theyâre taking those intangibles youâve attached to it, too. That seems exaggerated but you know itâs true when your cheeks flush hot with the indignation. You feel pinpricks of fear, embarrassment, that youâre considering saying yes (or not safewording). How could I possibly agree to this?! Itâs not fair!! How dare they even suggest it? Iâd feel homicidal if I wasnât allowed to cum. That unsettled feeling in your gut is right; it isnât fair, not even one bit. Well, it wouldnât be fair if you were equal to them, right? Maybe youâre not, come to think of it, or wouldnât you have said no already? Are you really upset about the prospect or are you worried you wouldnât be able to do it? Couldnât bear it? You never considered it before as your orgasm belonged to you. Past tense. You were once the queen of your castle, but someone has moved in and said âIâll take it from here, donât you worry your pretty little head. Just do as I say and I will make everything better.â Your stomach flips as you find yourself saying Yes. But then you feel so good! How could you not, seeing them beam with happiness at your gift. God they seem so happy (turned on) that youâre giving this to them. They promise it will make you feel better - âI mean consider how much more explosive your release will feel when youâve been edged a few times! And itâll help your stamina for when we want to have sex later in the day.â That doesnât seem too bad. It even seems reasonable. They are very pleased with you and youâre so very fond of them. You can do this! It might be fun, like a tease.
You feel your dignity being picked apart with each denial, with every single capricious âno.â An orgasm after a few edges becomes none at all by the end of sex. They orgasm, satisfied, while you ache for more. Youâre frustrated, fired up. âWell Iâll probably want to fuck you later, so this will keep you nice and tense until then. When we have sex later, itâll feel amazing.â You think about saying no, but youâve agreed to hand over this autonomy. Youâre trying to show trust in this gameâŠIt feels wrong, but for some reason it makes your cunt wet. Yes, you canât deny it makes your cunt wet. And the reasoning is sound. The next time will feel more intense, itâs true. You are hornier and things feel better if you donât get to follow through and cum. You assent, pushing through the brain fog youâve been feeling more and more lately, to get back to your day. When they leave you denied like this, sometimes itâs difficult to think. Theyâve said itâs okay for you to edge on your own, just not cum. In fact they encourage it! Itâs good practice. Maybe a few edges will help clear the fog. Maybe. Did it help? Not sure. Maybe a few more will help. Yes, later the sex and the orgasm are AMAZING. They were so right. So so right. Silly you for not trusting their guidance on this.
You notice, edged out and frustrated, that itâs been a few days since theyâve let you finish. In fact, they used to let you rub and cum when you gave head, as a give and take, but now they said you could only edge! What is this? You feel like youâre going crazy. (And edging yourself out a few times a day to try to stop the aching is not seeming to help.) You tell them that itâs been nearly a week without relief. They smile and pull you into an embrace, stroking your hair. âOf course thereâs been relief, Iâve finished lots of times thanks to your fantastic mouth and cunt. Silly. Fucking you is perfection, especially with your new training. Iâm so lucky to have you. Youâre so pent up that you do such an amazing job. Your cunt is so wet every time I want to fuck you and your head skills are getting even better. Iâm so proud of your progress; the longer youâre denied, the better you get! Iâm so satisfied, Iâve never been more satisfied.â You glow with the praise. How could you not? Youâre so deeply fond of them, maybe you can manage a little while longer. You wonât give up!
Itâs been weeks since youâve last orgasmed. Maybe a month? Youâre edging every day now. You canât help it. You feel the high of sexual tension throbbing at the back of your mind all the time, sometimes bullying out critical thought. Your mind is foggy but itâs comforting somehow. The only issue is the hunger. You feed it more and more sexual depravity but the hunger doesnât fade, it gets stronger. The hunger sends you to their side, begging. For what? Anything. You hang onto every word. Theyâre holding your orgasm for you, theyâve been making you better. Maybe theyâll help you. You can follow their lead, even if they make your status lower and lower. Their smiles reflect onto your face. Youâre so glad you could please them like this, as you tell them youâve been edging again today. This turns them on. They decide to use your body to cum, right then and there. They donât want to pay attention to you at all, though, they just want to relax and masturbate using you - thatâs alright isnât it? I mean youâre not going to cum anyway. Itâs just like them jerking off but youâre helping! Youâre so helpful. Theyâll just watch some porn and enjoy. You find yourself nodding, swallowing the tiny stash of pride you kept hidden away in case of emergencies. They finish. It feeds your hunger, it makes them happy. But the ache remains between your legs.
Itâs been months now. Youâre enjoying a gentle moment of intimacy. Theyâre stroking your hair, giving your body a sweet gentle massage. Every nerve ending is lit up with tension; you feel your cunt start to ache and drip just from their touch in desperate hope for stimulation. Their happiness these last few months has filled you with satisfaction, the satisfaction youâve been missing from orgasm. Thatâs such an empty place inside you, willing and waiting to be filled to the brim with their satisfaction in your progress. Youâre wishing to do more, to be more for them, to get that dose of their praise and fulfillment. You find yourself wishing theyâd use you, just so you could feel something and bring them relief. Relief. Relief. Desperate to create relief, if not for you then for them. Thatâs enough, thatâs the same thing isnât it? Itâs the same thing. Their pleasure is your pleasure. God. Please. You find yourself nuzzling at their crotch, drool starting to pool in your mouth, you look up at them with vacant eyes, brain hopelessly cloaked in fog. They allow you to serve. Their satisfaction pours into you, filling that endless pit they created. But you donât suffer the lack of dignity anymore, you savor it. You just wonder what more you can do next.
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