I had the loveliest trip with my boyfriend yesterday.
We started in the early day by picking up a light lunch to take to the park. I took my shrooms in the car on the way, and since I hadnāt eaten yet, it hit my system fast. We got to the park and ate, and right as we started the trail, it hit me.
The ground started breathing and the lake sparkled in silver. My man and I walked through the trail and I enjoyed it more throughly than I ever had before, i was overwhelmed with a sense of safety and peace. He stayed sober and guided me through my trip and through the trail, pointing out beautiful plants and birds along the walk. He held my hand as I stepped over the wooden blocks that made up part of the trail. I opened my heart to him more fully than I had in months.
Around a third of the way into the trail, we had the strangest and most magical experience. As we walked we saw two vultures standing in our path, walking along it just as we were. We decided they must be a mating pair, just as we are. I was flooded with a sense of connection to these lovely birds. Beautiful and strong and ugly, like me.
They knew we were there but they didnāt fly off. We walked slightly closer, and they moved forward on the path too. They walked calmly and never raised their wings to fly off. We proceeded down the path, keeping them at a respectful distance in front of us. Slowly we made it to a bend in the path with a bench in the shade of overhanging branches, so we sat and let our friends continue on their way. We sat and rested and I watched the leaves sway against the sky. I was distracted by their dance and the brightness of the flowers when Bb called my attention.
Under the tree next to us, there was a small opening in the roots. A perfect little den for a small animal. He peeked inside, and found a small metal box with tree bark glued to the outside to disguise it. It was labled āGeocachingā with the name of our town on the sticker as well. Inside, a bag of odds and ends: a Spider-Man toy, assorted discount cards, keychains, all left by those who had found the box before us. Also in the box was a journal with visitors writing their names and when they made our same discovery. The dates went back as far as five or six years ago.
A blessing. A connection to our community. It felt amazing to make a discovery like that.
During our walk, I made some amazing breakthroughs in my mental health. I made connections that I never had before. I touched the trees and ground without worry of dirt or bugs. I analyzed the intricacies of a spiderās web and visitors she had caught in it. I observed the ants in their small kingdom, working tirelessly for the colony and I marveled at their organization. I didnāt concern myself with sweat or dirt or burning sunlight, my body felt great and my heart was soaring. I asked myself: why do I never allow myself fun?
After that trail, we stopped at the convenience store. Bb left me in the car with beautiful music playing so I could watch the clouds while he brought back water.
We stopped by the lake and watched the small white cranes fly across the water. We watched the lillypads float and the reeds sway in the breeze.
We didnāt stay long though, he drove us to a more familiar nature trail in the area that we frequent for smoking. The sun was setting and it was much darker than Iām typically comfortable with when walking in the parks. I wondered why that usually scared me. I couldnāt see as much but I could hear better than normal, and itās a comfortable area for me. We smoked and enjoyed the area before it got actually dark, then we left for a ride by the lake.
Yesterday I stuck my face out of the car and felt the wind without worrying for my hair. I let my face be entirely naked and without make up. I sweat and I moved and I let the sun touch my skin without discomfort. I touched the land without thinking about dirt. I threw away my own internal barriers and honestly lived for a whole day. I felt whole within myself for the first time.
I want to be that woman forever.
