GoldenHerm

|| Spaniard, 33, she/her || INFP || Multifandom blog || Helluva Boss and Stolitz are currently consuming my soul || Critical Role sideblog: makeawisdom.tumblr.com

[whiskysky]

To all those who miss our melancholic owl

[goldenherm]

I had the theory that they dropped a hint about when season 3 was going to air, but I forgot and never talked about it. But then Brandon confirmed that we are getting a trailer and that they are gonna release the season in two parts, the first part almost done, and now my theory is not so silly anymore.

This was part of the last batch of merch they released with the new short. I was surprised no one mentions this:

Man, that's a date. 20th July. CALL ME CRAZY BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY ON A CONSPIRACY BOARD, BUT LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THEY WOULD NOT DO THIS KIND OF SHIT.

If we are getting a trailer next month and the first part of season 1 is done, 20th July is not a ludicrous possibility for a premiere date, just saying 😶

[goldenherm]

We criticize Paimon harshly because he can't remember Stolas' name, but have you ever tried playing Crusader Kings III and having 8+ children? You will remember the name of the first two, perhaps also the name of the youngest ones if you're lucky. But those in between? You don't have any fucking clue who they are.

And no, you aren't paying attention if you are marrying them off to a complete psychopath either.

[goldenherm]

So, imagine that you have a business idea. The idea is that you want to be a hitman and kill people for profit. Well, you are a hitman already but only in your little town, and your dreams are big. Intercontinental kind of big. You want more profitable targets, but in order to get to them, you need a vehicle.

Nor a car, nor a van, nor even a bus or a truck. You need something that you cannot buy, that is far more difficult to obtain: a private jet. Do you have a pilot license? No, you do not. Anyone at this point would have been fine with staying in the little town killing little people, but not you.

You remember that your father once sold you for a day as a playmate to a rich child you met once, and that child got a private jet as a birthday gift. So you go: "It's been 25 years, but I guess that rich guy still has the private jet. What if I get into his mansion and steal it?"

And you do, and you were caught. You thought you're fucked, but the rich guy takes you to the hangar, and flirts with you strongly. So you go: "You know? I could come on to him even more strongly to distract him and steal the private jet". At first it doesn't work, but then it does, and you have the chance to flee with your jet, but the guy says it feels good to be desired by his first ever friend, and you go: "Well, I fuck him first and then I'll leave with the jet".

You fuck the guy, you take the private jet and buy and office. You are ready to go with your international hitman business. But the rich guy finds you, thinks you took the private jet to get his attention (he thinks that because you come on to him, by the way) and you let him believe it because, what are you gonna say? That you stole it? Are you gonna give it back, and face the consequences? No, killing people across the globe is your dream and you'll do anything to achieve it.

So, the rich guy. He wants to fuck, and you go for it, for your hitman businesses, for the private jet you stole AND are not allowed to pilot. And the rich guy is happy, but now he's trying to leave with the private jet. You ask him if you can keep it for a while because you have always wanted to visit this one place, and the rich guy, who thinks you are genuinely interested in him, let you have the private jet for a while.

But you never gave the private jet back, and at some point the guy is like: "Hey, I need the private jet to take care of my business overseas. I know you've been using it for this international hitman business of yours, so what if you give it back once a month and, in exchange, we fuck?" And you say, yeah, okay, because you want the fucking jet.

My point with this stupid analogy is that it seems people keep saying Blitzø was coerced by Stolas, and I think that's because they draw a parallel with real life as if Stolas was Blitzø's boss, he caught him stealing office supplies and asked for sex in order not to fire him, when a more accurate parallelism will be THAT BLITZØ STOLE A PRIVATE JET FROM STOLAS AFTER HE MADE HIM BELIEVE HE WAS SEXUALLY INTERESTED IN HIM TO ACCESS SAID JET, AND STOLAS, WHOSE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOT SO GOOD, THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO LEND HIM HIS PRIVATE JET IF THEY FUCK.

It's transactional? Yes. It's a little fuck up? Also yes. It's a situation BOTH OF THEM HAD GET INTO AFTER A SERIES OF MANY, MANY BAD DECISIONS? Fuck yes! THAT'S THE FUCKING POINT, MAN. Their situation is nuts and IS BOTH THEIR FAULT!

[vanemiin]

Little starlight 💫💜

[empeydids]

How much do you think it burns Stella's toast that her daughter looks so much like Stolas?

Just a thought.

[goldenherm]

A lot. This is just a theory, but I'm giving it some thought and I can see Via looking so much as her father being the reason why Stella seems to be barely involved with her. I'd say, had Via looked more like her, Stella would have tried to be closer to her, and she wouldn't have let Stolas and Via have the close-knit relationship they had. I think Stella didn't put too much of a fight on keeping them apart because she couldn't be bothered, but she would have, had Via looked like her.

We don't really know how their mother-daugther relationship really is. I don't think Stella actively hates her. Although Via doesn't seem to be as close with her as she was with Stolas, Stella didn't look especially worried when Andrealphus warns about Via being the heiress if Stolas dies. But she refused to wake up when Via had a nightmare, which makes me think she is not putting in a lot of effort either.

Stella is a pretty self-centered individual. Andrealphus insisting with the "You are lucky you are hot" is more than an incestuous joke: he compliments her appearance to get on her good side, to keep whispering on her ear so she'll do what is more beneficial to him. I'm sure she cares about how she is perceived. She would have been elated if her daughter had been a mini version of herself.

Via wasn't, though. She is the mirror image of her father. Neither Stolas nor Stella were particularly interested in pushing for another child, but if they had, and that second child had resembled Stella, I'm positive Stella would have had a clear favorite.

TL,DR: Because Stella is very superficial, I think she would have been more involved with Via, and wouldn't have let Stolas get as close to her, if her child had resembled her instead of Stolas.

[goldenherm]

I have many theories about this picture, but the most painful one is that Blitzø took this picture on their first night together just to blackmail Stolas so he would lend him the grimoire if (when) he catched him. The next morning, though, he landed on Stella's cake and shot himself in the foot by confessing he fucked her husband, rendering the picture useless.

After that, I could picture Blitzø trying to delete it multiple times. Why keep it, anyway? He can't threaten Stolas to tell her wife if she already knows. Besides, the arrangement works. The whole blackmailing thing is pointless now. It's just wasted storage space on his device so he just should get rid of it.

But every time he sees it, he came up with a excuse: "Well, for the future. When Stolas gets tired of me, I could keep the book by telling him I would sell the picture to the newspapers or something", until more time pases and that thought gets reduced to just: "Well, for the future, when Stolas gets tired of me", since he wants something to remember Stolas by when he leaves him like everyone else.

[goldenherm]

Sentence: "Stolas is an abuser and a bad father"

Translation: "The person that said that doesn't like Stolas' character, and instead of not thinking about him at all and doing something enjoyable instead, they prefer to be spiteful, show that they can't comprehend nuanced situations in which both parts of an argument can be right AND wrong, and blantly ignore Stolas' characterization just to make other people on the internet mad"

[crystal-moon-101]

Helluva Boss for this roll, so I went for a stained glass window style, inspired by all of Stolas's windows in his house, along with a sun and moon motif! ☀️ 🌓

[platonbatonn]

helluva dump

[ajyyna8]

I love Octavia so much

[timkontheunsure]

Hypocrite?

Ok, yer it's most likely a meta joke.

But it wouldn't be the end of the world if Blitz ment it in show.

Stolas' is wearing his turtle neck that Blitz nicks for him. So this is set after Sinsmas, and Stolas staring to work at IMP.

(Honestly the shorts make the most context sense if they happen when they air.)

Blitz has a habit of poking fun at people he works with via the whiteboard, (along with jokes others like Verosika); like he does with Moxxie in Spring Broken.

"Days since last fuck up: 0."

Or how he draw Loona killing the doctor at her vaccination appointment.

Or having a counter of how many days Moxxie's not sung at work.

Stolas making it onto the whiteboard means he's is part of the team, to be gently taken the mick of by Blitz. 🙂

And while I love Stolas, he can be a hypocrite. And the guy has zero experience working in an office. 😆

So this is probably about Stolas unthinking saying something daft and privileged again.

I don't know about you, but I really love the way Blitz and Stolas bicker.

The little no heat 'fuck you's, that say 'yes, you have won the conversational point; but you don't have to be a dick about it'.

So this is almost certainly something small and petty.

Like Stolas not understanding chords.

Or even whinging about having to do the coffee run as a tea drinker.

We've seen Millie do it before, but it probably is the secretaries' job.

And Moxxie's order is wellllll... Complicated is putting it nicely.

"I'll Have The Neapolitan Cappuccino More Captain Then Chino Make Sure It's Got No More Then Four Ounces Of Milk The Beans Won't Have The Right Texture Other Wise And Make Sure They Spell My Name Correctly On The Cup They Always Put Foxxy Or Roxxy I Hate That. If You Can't Handle That I'll Have A Venti Traditional Misto, Please Use Soy Milk With Two Blonde Shots Affogato AND Ristretto! I'd Also Love Three Vanilla Pumps At The Very Bottom Then, Add The Coffee After Then."

Heh it's even taken the mick out of in the official sinstagrams.

(Hey look Stolas can boil water😛).

Who's betting IMP do not own a kettle, and Stolas would rightly bitch if told to just use a microwave.

(Ok, microwave product hot and cold spots in water, so it doesn't boil evenly. Making the temperature wildly off, and on average a 10-5° degrees below boiling. Black tea needs 100°C/212°F or doesn't steep. Making it taste bad.

Imagine trying to make coffee with water that doesn't ever get to the right temperature. It would taste really bad right? Ok, good. Now back to the post).

I can see Stolas being very salty about crap tea, while being sent to get fancy coffees for everyone else. Possibly suggesting they drink instant coffee instead lol. 😆

(Coffee shop machines are set 90°C/195°F, so Stolas couldn't just get his tea at the cafe.)

So yer, I can see this causing a minor squabble, and Blitz calling him a hypocrite for being fussy about his own drink; but bemoaning Moxxie's fussy order.

[goldenherm]

Man, I LOVE this little easter egg because it has meaning in universe and out of it.

One one hand, this is a doodle that Blitzø drew at some point between Apology Tour and Mastermind, while he was still trying to get over the break up.

On the other hand, 'hypocrite' is one of the buzzwords Stolas' haters usually use to talk about him, very recognizable on their discourses, so this little doodle in the background is also the show literally laughing at Stolas' haters🤣

[hollowboobtheory]

imagine hiring an assassin and they talk to you in a customer service voice

[teaboot]

"Hello, how can I help you today? Wonderful, can I get a first and last name? And how would I spell that? Awesome. And would you happen to have an address for this individual? And place of work? Fantastic.

Now, I'm going to give you a number, and I'm going to ask that you send in a photo of your target alongside any additional information you may have- family members, security, combat training, medical conditions, just anything you can think of that might be helpful.

Wonderful, you are all good. All we need now is a piece of government-issued ID, for insurance purposes, and a location for payment pickup. We accept cash, gold, processed uranium, and etransfer.

I'm sorry, we don't take american express.

Good, okay, so it looks like we are all set- when the job is complete, you will be notified VIA discreet codeword that a stranger will whisper to you on a crowded street.

We do not issue receipts, but if you'd like, I can arrange for a specific breed of tropical flower to be sent to your home address. Our associates will be able to validate it should the need arises.

And is that everything you were looking for today? Great! Thank you for coming to us. Have a nice day!"

[teaboot]

Alternatively,

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid the Pope is a high-status target that is beyond our area of service.

Yes, I- no, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that for you.

Okay. Okay. Yes, I understand.

Sir, if you're going to use that sort of language, you should know that our HR department does operate in a hands-on capacity.

Wonderful. You take care."

[goldenherm]

This will definitely be Stolas the moment he's able to answer the phone without crying.

[goldenherm]

There is something I didn't catch the first time I watched the show, so I'm sharing it just in case someone else is as obtuse as I am.

We all know that this room:

and this room:

are the same, but this is just not a mostly empty random room.

This is the palace ballroom.

The fact that this is the ballroom has two implications.

First one: the covered chandelier serves as a metaphor for Blitzø and Stolas' relationship as something veiled and obfuscated that hides the genuine joy they shared together as children, but there is also a practical reason as to why it was covered to begin with.

Since Stolas and Stella are getting a divorce, and Stella was the one keen on parties, covering the chandelier made the most sense. Stolas was not going to be throwing balls any time soon anyway.

Second one: this ballroom is the place where Stolas and Blitzø played as children, as well as the place where they broke up...

...and this was also the very same place where they met again as adults.

[vanemiin]

Based on that ending scene from the KnK movie, because I think it perfectly represents the stolitz family dynamic 😂

[goldenherm]

Wait. Does this mean that this bitch (affectionate) used the Dragon Driller 5000 WITHOUT BLITZØ???? HOW DARED HE????

You'd better learn everything that there is to know about horses, motherfucker. You need to make up for that.

[amalthea-13]

God forbid a demon is independently getting off. Hes an independent man! Let him live! >:C

[goldenherm]

It's not fair! Poor Blitzø paid for that with his well earned money! He deserved to be there and enjoy it with him! 😭😭😭

[amalthea-13]

After being yelled at by Blitz?! Nah Stolas earned that much needed alone time and self soothing! Aint his fault Blitz chose to be rude! >:C

[goldenherm]

Okay, that's fair. Stolas can have a little of the Dragon Driller 5000 on his own as a treat.