Power
Based on the song Power by Isak Danielson
Word Count: 1506
masterlist
tw: swearing I guess and talks about smut but none actually
It stated as casually hook ups, nothing more. The both of you were in relationships with other people.It was your little secret. There were no feels involved, until there was. It was months into the hookups when he showed his feelings. He asked you to stay the night, something that had never happened. You stayed, but only until you knew he was out, you had to get back to the other him. It was not until later that week that you found out why he had done that. They broke up. His seemingly perfect relationship, which you knew not to be true, had ended in shambles. News broke of it. Headlines claimed there was cheating but all from her side. You were relieved that your secret had not come out, but you were feeling something else. Something that you should not have felt. Somewhere deep inside, you felt bad for Ashton. You were longing from him, but in such a different way than you ever had before. You wanted his hand in yours, figures tightly wrapped around each other. You wanted his lips on yours, rather than on your neck like they typically were. All you wanted was to lay next to him, eyes locked on one another. Maybe you would let a hand drag slightly up his chest. Embracing each other like significant other would, that is what you wanted. You were not even longing for him in a sexual way. This was dangerous territory. These were all the things you promised would not happen. You had a boyfriend who did not deserve you cheating on him in the first place, but one hundred percent did not deserve you feeling this way about another man. Ashton’s body replayed in your mind. The way he moved, the gestured he would make. You never spent more than a few hours together, now you knew that was a good thing. Any more time together would end in disaster. You would be drawn too close to him and nothing good could come from that.
The feelings you were not supposed to catch is what lead you to here. It had been weeks since you saw Ashton, despite the desire you had for him. All of his late night text went unanswered, unread in some cases. You fringer had lingered over the block button on his number hundreds of times. There was always something inside you that stopped the finger from pressing it, probably the same thing that made you hover over the call button equal amounts of times. On this particular day, your boyfriend was visiting friends. You should have gone, the lack of his presence made the longing for Ashton more prevalent.Every bone in your body ached for his touch, for his love. You were coming to terms with the idea that both of you had caught the feelings. Everything felt even better knowing his girlfriend was out of the picture. But you were not strong enough to break your boyfriend's heart. If you were though, you knew the second it happened you would run to Ashton’s arms.
Somehow the finger lingered over that call button again, only this time you pressed down on it. The ringing began and it did not stop you. You sat still, waiting for the answer, not prepared for it though. The voice was rough, different from what you remembered. Usually he is so smooth, effortless. This time it sounded as he was struggling, like every world took a toll on him to get out. You swallowed hard.
“Look who finally called me back.”
You let silence fall on the line for a moment. Your body was doing things that your mind was not ready for.
“I hate you Ashton Irwin.”
He let out a small huff before he came back. “I’m not the one who has been acting so bitchy lately am I?”
“You made me catch feelings, asshole.”
It was his turn to be quiet. Your eyes flicked to the clock on the wall, watching the second hand spin around. Each tick made you worried he was not going to respond. You breathing became more rapid, waiting for him to come back. Maybe you had read his emotions wrong the last time you were together. It was not about you, he was just sad that his relationship ended. There was no way he had any feelings for you.
“Y/n, we agreed no feelings, no commitments.”
“Says the one who won’t stop texting me!”
“I thought we could fuck.”
“Ashton! We both know that is not all you wanted.”
“Why are you saying all of this y/n. It was supposed to be nothing but physical. I am sorry if I lead you on in a different.”
The voice was still weak. Though you spent little time together, you knew he was lying. He was not acting in his normal confident way. He had feelings, or he was hiding something from you. From all the texts you ignored, he had to have wanted something else than a hookup, or he would have stopped trying weeks ago.
“You’re the one who seduced me, lured me in with your beauty.”
“Y/n we found each other and you know that.”
“Damn it Ash hang up if you don’t want to hear it then.”
There was no click. He stayed on the line and so did you. It was not until he encouraged you to keep going that you began another sentence.
“We were not supposed to catch feelings I know Ashton, but you did too. Stop lying, I know how you acted with me the last time we were together, it was different than any of the other times. You wanted me to stay, to actually talk. Please don’t make me feel crazy.”
“It’s my desire that you feed, you know just what I need. Everything move you make is perfect y/n. So sure I feel something towards you, but you still have a boyfriend and we are toxic. No way will we ever work together. We can still keep up with what we are doing though, right?”
“No we can’t because that hurts Ashton. It hurts me knowing that he could find out and he does not deserve that. And now it hurts knowing we both feel more for each other, but we will not accept it. All I feel as I get closer to you is the desire to move like you do. I want to do everything you do. I do not like feeling like that but that is the truth. I want to be all yours or nothing. You can not hold pieces of me anymore. Can we say that we love each other?”
“I love you.”
You never thought he would actually admit it, but it only made you feel worse. You were telling someone, who is not your boyfriend, that you love him. You are showing him so much intimacy. It felt wrong in the situation, but it felt right to be with Asthon. Your mind was in a game of tug of war. You would rather hurt both of them than giving one the satisfaction of winning, not that your boyfriend knows he is in this game.
“You got power over me. It is scary Ashton but such a rush at the same time. But we can not do this, I can not keep getting pulled in different directions.”
“We you not just the one trying to tell me we should be together? Why are you making this so difficult. You have convinced me that we can do this. Leave him and come to me.”
There were two voices in your head. One said to just do it, be with Ash and be happy. The other one told you to stay, that Ashton did not deserve you. He had pulled you along for too long. He would only want you until someone new came along that would peak his interest more.
“All you did was confuse me. You’re no longer what I need. Why won’t you set me free?”
“Fine y/n. We will end everything, but don’t call me again. Do not even think about me. You have changed your mind so much just in these few minutes. Now I can see that I don’t need you and I don’t even know why I thought I did in the first place.”
It looked like one voice had won. He hung up. There was no official goodbye. He was right though. You felt crazy and confused. It was not until now that you felt the tears streaming down your face. From the pool on your neck it seemed like you had cried through the whole conversation. Your hand reached out and grabbed the throw pillow on the bed. Your head smashed into it and a frustrated scream erupted. They kept coming with every tear. You had no idea what had just happened. The phone call only left you with more questions than answers.
