Gold star lesbians are good!

This is a space for gold star lesbians to discuss their experiences!

[thelonelygoldstarlesbian]

my biggest issue with the term “gold star lesbian” is that it’s soo exclusive and divides a community that shouldn’t be. we’re all lesbians at the end of the day and it doesn’t matter how you got there. it’s just such a problematic term and it baffles me how people still use it to this day. we’re lesbians and that’s it. why must people specify that they haven’t had sex with a man and flaunt it? it’s extremely shameful to many groups of people and excludes people *in our own community* and we shouldn’t be doing that. i wish people were more sensitive to that and cared for one another instead of constantly tearing each other down.

This is basically heteronormativity at its finest, but lemme try to take it seriously. I dunno how long ago this ask was submitted, so if it were more than a couple years, forgive me because you might have noticed by now the erasural black hole lesbians are quickly being funnelled down.

Your 'problem' with gold star lesbians is exactly the same 'problem' people have had with minorities since the dawn of time. That being that, you, the majority, can't relate to them, don't understand them, and therefore the easiest response is to be affronted and offended by them. Maybe, instead of expecting to relate to and be included in absolutely every demographic on the planet, and accusing noncompliant demographics of 'exclusivity', would it not be more accepting to acknowledge different povs, acknowledge that people are born in different circumstances and have different life experiences, which might be entirely alien to your own, and acknowledge that exclusive spaces for these minorities (particularly intersectional minorities like gold star lesbians) are beneficial to those minorities, even if they don't serve your own wants and needs.

Honestly, if you had any idea of the extra layer of societal bullshit gold star lesbians had to go through I doubt you'd be accusing them of wanton 'exclusion' and 'tearing people down'. You simply have absolutely no clue about what it's like to be a gold star lesbian. And imo, the safest option, if you have no clue about a particular demographic, and never will, is to just shut tf up about them.

[mshyde]

this user is a gold star lesbian.

[meangan-thee-lesbian]

For me, it's growing up knowing I was a lesbian, from a very young age, and even before I knew there was a word for it, I knew it (and I) was socially unacceptable, I watched my cousin's jeer at bulldykes on the street, watched my father salivate over the "lesbians" in music videos on tv, watched my uncle sexually assault a lesbian couple who had made the mistake of holding hands in front of him, and then finally being outed in grade 8, and having my previous 'popular girl' status destroyed overnight, and having no one show up to my parties anymore, but having them show up at 1am to daub 'dyke' in animal's blood on my bedroom window, and having the school chaplain constantly cornering me, trying to get me to sign up to gay conversion therapy, and being suddenly 'failed' in all my classes, despite being a grade A student up until my sexuality became public knowledge, suddenly being sent to detention for the most inane shit, and having to deal with the kids who were in there for fighting or smoking weed or selling crack, and I was there because I forgot to turn my Nokia flip phone off in class and it dinged when my mum texted me, and getting my driver's licence at 16yo and being constantly tailed by the cops, and soon learning it was because I'd been at a local gay party, and the cops had taken all our number plates, and even to this day my name and rego is flagged in police databases because of that, and having experienced all of this before turning 18yo, for me it's getting told my experience as a gold star lesbian was 'easy' and 'privileged' by women who spent their formative years hiding behind heteronormativity. Like my experience is the reason y'all chose to hide behind fifteen fake boyfriends and him/his pronouns, so why don't you sit tf down.

[goldstar-positive]

Every time a bisexual says something to the effect that the term "gold star" is "problematic", a puppy dies.

[goldstar-positive]

My current relationship is my first one with a fellow gold star. It's never been a requirement for me - I have a strong preference for dating other lesbians, but their past never mattered to me.

So what a welcome surprise when I saw my own life experiences reflected in my partner, in a way that I never had before. I don't have to tiptoe around the topic of past relationships. I don't get asked how I can know I'm gay if I haven't tried being with a man (one of my exes said that to me). She just gets it, because, just like me, she *knew*, even if she couldn't verbalize it.

[a-gentle-whisper]

Gold star lesbians are biphobic and aphobic because they assume that anyone who has slept with a man must be sexually attracted to men because they assume that sex doesn’t happen outside of attraction and try to force the ‘bisexual’ label on everyone who doesn’t fit their ideas of lesbian so they can call everyone who disagrees with them lesbophobic

[meangan-thee-lesbian]

Gold star lesbian here to say this bitch ain’t know shit except how to be a comedian lmao

[sighing-is-a-song]

Saw a post trashing gold stars ✨

If women are allowed to talk about being with men then women are allowed to talk about not being with men. Gold stars show girls that men are not the default and you can live a happy life without ever being intimate with one. Our stories matter just as much as anyone else’s. To say our mere existence shames other women is ludicrous. It’s not our fault you take our sexual history as an insult.

Gold star lesbians are wonderful.

[urfaveisagoldstarlesbian]

Shout out to goldstar lesbians who:

Get online hate for being goldstar

Aren't out yet to their family and friends

Found out later in life yet are still goldstars

Feel like they are all alone

Have trauma from homophobic bullies

Are tired from people's homophobia

And those who don't give a fuck what others think of goldstar lesbians ✨

[sapphos-darlings]

⭐ Discovering that you’re a gold-star lesbian is such a wonder ⭐

It turns out that I was not frigid, unlovable, cold, childish, unwanted, a failed woman, forever alone, pitiful or ugly.

I was an outsider lost in the world, lost to my own people and unknown to those around me.

I wandered and yearned, bore those cruel labels others pushed on me, and for the longest time thought there was something wrong with me.

That was, until I found my way home. Home to myself, to the lesbian who I always was and just didn’t know it, to the woman who is not cold and unlovable, but burns bright and beautiful for all those other wandering women who were misplaced and longing for something they couldn’t name yet.

⭐ We were never cold. We were always pure fire, and finally the sky has cleared. ⭐

[quite-corking-deactivated201907]

Non-gold stars leave gold star lesbians alone regarding their preferences and sex life challenge ⭐️

[meangan-thee-lesbian]

Anyway, as much as I love defending gold star lesbians against violent homophobes I actually have a wide variety of opinions with which to piss off the world that I want to air on this tumblr so 💁

Today’s topic; you know the slogan ‘hearts not parts uwu’ ‘fall in love with the person not the gender’ or any other inane version of this subtle homophobic nonsense usually spouted by spicy straights who think they’re qUeEr because they dyed their hair blue and offered their boyfriend a threesome one time? Yeah, like, those slogans be homophobic y’all. The entire point of homosexuality is being sexually attracted to one sex on the basis of their parts. It’s a fucking hard-wired biological reaction, the same way you’d prefer to eat a cheese grill over dog shit. Literally, the choice between females and males gives me the same exact visceral feeling. Just because you ain’t never experienced that doesn’t make you better than anyone. Stop spouting this slogan at gays like you woke and not actually a basic ass homophobe.

Like did they forget the Great Bisexual Outrage of the early 2000s where we collectively decided it was ‘biphobia’ to tell people to pick a side or whatever. But now we gotta listen to this ‘everyone is bisexual’ bullshit and if we say anything it’s always ‘tee hee this is just about me, I wasn’t saying anything about you, don’t take it personally uwu’ (meanwhile the same exact people can’t wait to take personally any gay culture that doesn’t explicitly include them (gold star lesbianism, for example)). Honestly, homophobia from bisexuals just annoys the shit outta me on a whole other level.

[peachfemmepoetry]

It's literally crazy how many lesbians get mad at you for saying lesbophobia is bad. I'm literally being called a nonlesbian and told to "stay in my lane" (babe lesbianism is my lane I am the most lesbian bitch you'll ever meet) just because I said I don't like lesbophobia. I, a lesbian, am being told I'm too young to understand lesbophobia. This is hilarious

These are the same ppl who say "all the lesbians are disappearing." You wanna know why lesbians are disappearing? Because you say any lesbian who has questioned or experimented or thought they weren't a lesbian ever isn't a real lesbian. Lesbians are here, you just hate us <3

[goldstar-positive]

Wait... are we saying here that lesbians who have never experimented with guys are the CAUSE of lesbian erasure? And not like... the boatloads of people who insist that being a homosexual female is either an afront to God and nature, or that it's close-minded and exclusionary? There are a lot more religious conservative straight people and moralizing left-leaning bi people combined than there are gold star lesbians out there. Like, seriously? How do you not see the actual, black-on-white lesbophobia in your own words?

[sapphos-darlings]

Gold-star lesbians are real.

There are women who have never “tried” men, never touched them, never  dated them, and never slept with them, and our lives don’t lack anything.

There are lesbians who have been in touch with their nature from early on.

There are lesbians who have always known we love women and women only. We have not been and are not uncertain.

Gold-star lesbians are real, we’re here, we are happy to be exactly who we are, and we are happy for the lives we have led.

This is possible.

[urfaveisagoldstarlesbian]

Gold star lesbians are amazing and strong because it takes so much confidence and courage to not let the lesbophobia and forced hetero-normativity from families and friends get to them and make them sleep with men in a desperate attempt to make themselves "straight". It also takes much more confidence and courage from a gs lesbian to be proud and open about her gs status online where we are all hated by everyone simply for existing and having a lable for ourselves.

Goldstars you are loved <3

[goldstar-positive]

What's a gold star lesbian?

TLDR: a gold star lesbian is simply a lesbian who has never agreed to have sex with a man. It includes, therefore, lesbian victims of male-on-female sexual assault. On this blog at least, it is a neutral descriptor, not a badge of honour. Gold star lesbians aren't "better" than anyone else.

Lesbians who have had sex with men exist, and I am not trying to argue here that they are necessarily bisexual or that they are a "lesser form" of lesbian. While I don't agree with the Tumblr radical feminist/political lesbian concept of compulsory heterosexuality (AKA comphet), and therefore do not believe that every single woman who claims to be a lesbian on this platform necessarily is one, I acknowledge that there are lesbians out there who have had sex with men in the past. Our sexual orientation is the same, we just have different experiences and that's fine.

One may ask: why have a term just for this experience? If being a gold star isn't a sexual orientation, why a word just for it? Well, first, because "lesbian who has never been with a man" is kind of a mouthful. Second, it's obvious that this experience needs to be talked about more. There is something deeply upsetting to people about women who have never ever been with a man. Is it homophobia? Is it misogyny? Is it both? Maybe we can discuss this and come up with a conclusion together. But the fact remains that this discomfort people have is extremely alienating for us, and therefore, I think a short hand term for our experience is necessary.

Gold star, as a label, likely started out as a joke. It is unknown whether it was a self-ascribed moniker, a term of endearment, or a mockery/insult. I would be interested in knowing where it comes from, with good sources, as I've heard both versions. But honestly, the origins don't matter. It's kind of cute and aesthetic, and most people here seem to know what it means.

[goldstar-positive]

Corrected a typo

[hello-homophobes]

lesbians, there’s another way. guys aren’t inevitable. i didn’t have comphet crushes. i didn’t think i was bi. i thought i was a freak.

a boy asked me out when i was 14, my friends were excited, they encouraged me to say yes. i had already turned him down. they couldn’t believe it. they asked him to ask me again. i said yes, panicked all weekend, turned him down at our lockers monday morning. the next weekend i had a sleepover with the best friend who would later pull away from me when it came out i might be gay, and i wrote some self indulgent melodramatic poem how there was something wrong with me bc i got in my own way all the time, i couldn’t be happy like everyone else, i had to overthink everything, and i was going to die alone. girls didn’t fall in love with boys then date them. girls dated boys to get to know them, then either fell in love or broke up to get to know different boys. i didn’t understand the dread in my belly, why i refused this first superficial step that didn’t mean anything but i couldn’t go through. 

many of us didn’t know that we liked girls, we just knew boys felt wrong. that’s a normal part of growing up lesbian. lots of coming out stories start: “i always knew i was different.” it’s COMMON for lesbians to feel alienated from heteronormative culture without being able to articulate why. yes there are lesbians who faked crushes on male celebrities and entire relationships with men to fit in, but that’s not the only history a lesbian has. enough with these stupid posts how most lesbians went through comphet with men. all lesbians went through pressure to express heterosexual attraction. but many of us resisted it, consciously or unconsciously. 

this discourse is skewed by honest to god political lesbian radfems exploiting sympathy to hide in plain sight, young girls who are actually bi but don’t know the lack of attraction they had to their last boyfriend has to do with their age and dating pool instead of their sexuality, bi feminists hoping lesbianism will align their actions with their ideology, lesbians who don’t have comphet experiences assuming other lesbians probably do, and nongoldstars miffed our experiences prove none of their capitulation was necessary. let’s stop burying more common lesbian experiences bc they’re less relatable to men and man-loving women. 

[yorksilk]

I think there’s a much higher prevalence of gold star lesbians being celebrated over gold star gay men because of the way women’s sexuality is stigmatized and shamed in the context of wider society. Women are shamed for having sex with men regardless of their orientation and that’s where this branch of lesbian purity culture comes from, so if you celebrate being a gold star lesbian, you are contributing to the misogynistic ideals put on women’s sexuality as well as putting down other groups of women to do it 💫

[goldstar-positive]

"Women are more stigmatized for conforming to societal expectations of heterosexuality than they are for being openly homosexual" that take smells like hot garbage.