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Good Indian Mom: Summer Breaks

by Indu Parth, @InduPartha

My parents weren’t big believers in summer BREAKS, as it turns out. My siblings and I would go to bed each night longing for a morning of sleeping in, only to be woken up day after day at 7:00am by the sounds of the pressure cooker whistle and/or by the voice of M.S. Subbulakshmi whose job apparently wasn’t only to wake God up with her music. Shortly thereafter, my father would enter with instructions on all the chores he expected done before he came home from work. And so the day would begin, hours before any of our self-respecting classmates would even dream to rouse from slumber.

We would grouse and complain, but we could do nothing about the fact. Our Tam Brahm forefathers had been genetically engineered to start each and every day either with, or before, the sun. How could we expect to fight the system? Instead we swore to (famous last words), “never be like our parents.”

Fast forward many years later. I am now faced with the prospect of trying to figure out how my three kids are to spend their time over their summer break. The eternal struggle between my “white” and my desi sides rages on. Do I let them sleep in and laze around, knowing that they have earned the right to some R and R? Do I teach them that life doesn’t allow you much downtime, so “get while the getting is good?” Read to expand your mind, practice math to keep up your skills, do housework so no on thinks you are lazy or that I’ve raised spoiled children? Just when I decide to let them be, I get updates from my “go get ‘em” friends about all of the amazing camps and classes they have found for their kids. After I hurriedly steer my kids down the path of academia, look up Khan Academy courses, and check out the pamphlets from the Tutoring Club, my soccer mom friends ask why my kid is “the only one” not signed up for a sleep away soccer camp. Great. Now I have to worry if I’ve doomed my son to a season as a benchwarmer.

I don’t know what the answer is. Is there an answer? Common sense tells me that one way doesn’t work for all, but as I leave the house every morning, I have to make the decision for the day: go in and tell my grown daughter to have dinner ready by the time I come home exhausted from work, or let her enjoy this last summer of her childhood with her friends and Twitter and YouTube. Is it okay in the uber competitive world we live in today, to just not have any summer plans?

Thoughts?

#good indian mom #summer break ideas #desi parents

8 Must-See Summer Movies

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

Summer movie season can be overwhelming. Every week it seems like a bigger, louder, sequel to some movie that came out two years ago hits the theaters. I’m a glutton for the sensory-overload buffet of summer films. Every summer studios also sneak smaller films into theaters, but they get swallowed up and spit out by men in tights, things exploding and big-name stars. Sadly, a lot of these are movies with much to offer. So here’s a list to make wading through the endless sea of summer films easier. Some full of CGI and Tonight Show regulars and the others a bit less flashy but no less worthy. All of them are movies I look forward to.

Big Budget Blockbusters:

Neighbors: Seth Rogen consistently makes funny movies. Granted they can be immature, lewd, and probably have three to four scenes you wouldn’t want to watch with your mother, but they are usually gut-bustingly funny. With a premise full of opportunities for ridiculous behavior (fraternity moves in next to newlyweds. Hilarity ensues) and a killer supporting cast in Rose Byrne, Dave Franco, and the continuing adultification of Zac Efron; Neighbors looks like another hit from the Joe DiMaggio of modern comic actors. (Out Now. Trailers: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL5c2szf3E4)

Godzilla: This will be the 31st time the big green atomic lizard stars on the big screen and it looks breathtaking. With a stable of excellent character actors including Bryan Cranston and Ken Watanabe to add a little human emotion to all the destruction, director Gareth Edwards’s take on a legend looks to be the most visceral Godzilla film yet. The use of IMAX camera’s and 3D techniques will just add to the epic scope of Edwards’s on-screen apocalypse. (Out Now. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64c6VLNJQiE)

X-Men: Days of Future Past: Its hard to look past all the controversy and allegations swirling around director Bryan Singer, but lets do that and instead just look at the movie. This might be the most ambitious take on super-heroes since The Dark Knight. Combining the cast of the first 3 X-Men movies and the recent X-Men: First Class, there’s no shortage of star power(J-Law, Jackman, Fassbender!!) here. Couple that with a complex storyline beloved by fans of the comics and a director that knows his way around a super-hero movie and you’re looking at the most fascinating blockbuster of the summer. (Out Now. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsjtg7m1MMM)

22 Jump Street: The first one was an irreverent, surprisingly hilarious take on the ridiculous premise of the television show 21 Jump Street, grown men going ‘undercover’ at a high school to bust a drug ring. It proved Channing Tatum was disarmingly funny and the odd ball chemistry of Tatum and Jonah Hill made the film more enjoyable (and profitable) than it had any right to be. Sequels to comedies are almost always a letdown (see: Caddyshack II.) Moving the setting to college, we’ll see if there’s more than one trick in this pony. (June 13. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9S_dYuq0vE)

Small Budget Gems:

Gulaab Gang: A fictionalized account of the unbelievable true story of Sampat Pal Devi and the Gulabi Gang; a group of women who banded together to protest and act (sometimes violently) against various injustices females are subjected to in India. It also marks the first time that Bollywood screen legends Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla take the screen together. And ultimately, its a big step for the Bollywood industry in general as the two top-billed stars are women, there isn’t a male lead to speak of, and the film is getting wide release and marketing both nationally and internationally. (Out Now. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAcN8RR3Ry4)

Boyhood: Over the span of 12 years and 4207 days of shooting, director Richard Linklater filmed the an entire movie about growing up in real time. You see Mason, played by Ellar Coltrane, literally grow up before your eyes. Its a difficult, ambitious project but one that in the expert hands of a director like Linklater could turn into the most unique cinematic experience of the summer. (July 11th. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiDztHS3Wos)

The Fault In Our Stars: Based on the best-selling YA novel by Indianapolis native John Green, The Fault In Our Stars deals with the love that grows between two cancer-stricken teens. Difficult material? Sure. But considering the grace with which Green handled it in the novel and the talented cast that includes Shailene Woodley and Laura Dern bringing it to life, adapting it to the screen shouldn’t be difficult. With a highly enthusiastic built-in audience and a love story that might strike the right chord with audiences looking for a change of pace from the usual summer fare, The Fault In Our Stars should be the sleeper hit of the summer. (June 6. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuVjGbncgQE)

Get On Up: If there was one musician whose life story reads like a movie its James Brown. From the music, to the women, the drugs, and the run ins with the law; Brown lived life to the fullest. This biopic, with a lot of buzz surrounding Chadwick Boseman’s performance as Brown, looks to capture all the manic, wild charisma of the man himself and remind us all what a giant impact he had on the music we listen to today. (Aug. 1. Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vptGSENcXeI)

What movie are you looking forward to seeing this summer? Share with us in the comments!

#gulabi gang #summer movies

Good Indian Girl, Definitely: Reshma Thakkar

AVID WORLD TRAVELER, YOGA JUNKIE, LOVER OF LIFE

I currently reside in: Chicago, IL

What’s your favorite hangout in Chicago: The lake! For everything from running, doing yoga, catching up with a friend or meditating early morning, it's always blissful.

I currently work as: Wellness consultant/yoga teacher for overstressed professionals. I do this because: The number one question people ask me is "How can I have your life?" The funny thing is, I have been in their shoes, working a corporate job, stressed out beyond belief, sick, unhappy, but then I realized I had the power to change it all. I embarked on a life changing journey a few years ago and these days, I am happier than I have ever been. Now, through my business, Poses with a Purpose, I share my experience with others so they too can have a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life full of fun and adventure. And it's not as hard as you may think!

What are some Indian traditions you still follow? No shoes in the house, following a vegetarian diet, putting oil in my hair, cooking with ghee, and tongue scrapers. And I LOVE to rock a sari.

Bollywood or Hollywood, and why?I am not a big movie buff, but if I have to choose, it would be Bollywood, because no matter how cheesy, they always get to that hopeless romantic in me. Plus the music rocks my world.

Favorite movie? DDLJ

What’s your favorite thing about culture? How colorful it is, in every possible way. The clothing, the people, the customs, traditions, food, everything. And in spite of all the differences and variations, there is an intense sense of unity among Indians. It's beautiful.

What’s one piece of advice your parents have given you that should probably be or are abiding by? Be honest and humble, do good things, treat others well, and then trust that everything is working out and will always work out in your best interest.

So are you a Good Indian Girl (Definitely, Maybe, Sort Of, No Way)? Definitely, I have such a deep love and respect for my heritage and culture. It has played a major part in defining who I am and what I have become, and I hope I can pass along what I know to others.

To learn more about Reshma's work, please visit www.poseswithapurposes.com!

#reshma thakkar #poses with a purpose #good indian girl

Movie Review: Lunchbox (Dabba) featuring Irrfan Khan

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

When you think about Indian movies, it’s impossible to not think about the colorful excess of Bollywood. Tired stories and hammed acting covered up with elaborate song and dance scenes and exotic locales. Ritesh Batra’s The Lunchbox is a wonderful example of the subtle changes happening in Hindi cinema.

The story is simple enough. A lonely widower on the verge of early retirement accidentally receives a lunchbox from a lonely wife stuck in a loveless marriage. She’s been convinced by a faceless ‘Auntie’ in the apartment above that a great meal will help her back into her husband’s heart. When she gets the now empty lunchbox back and realizes that it fell into the wrong hands, the hands of the lonely widower; she continues to cook for him and the two start exchanging notes about their lives. A connection grows and you are left with a ‘will they or won’t they’ scenario.

The performances are strong. Irrfan Khan, playing the widower, brings a prickly intensity to his role. His Saajan Fernandes wanted to leave the world long ago but still frustratingly finds himself trapped in a day to day routine. And Nimrat Kaur, on screen alone for much of the film, finds the aching soul inside a woman with so much to give that finds nothing in return.

Mr. Batra has crafted a quiet, touching film punctuated intermittently by the commotion and insistence of modern India. He deftly shows you the complicated relationship tradition and progress have in India without taking away from the story.

The Lunchbox, while definitely worth the watch though, is important for vastly different reasons. It is the first Hindi film since 2001’s Oscar nominated Lagaan (the Rocky of Indian films) to be distributed by Sony Pictures Classics and is part of a much larger investment by Sony pictures in the Hindi film industry.

And Irffan Khan is not the most famous Khan in the Hindi film industry (Salman, Aamir, Shah Rukh...you can brawl it out,) but he is easily the most recognizable Khan to international film audiences due to Life of Pi and The Amazing Spider-Man. So an international distributor chose Ritesh Batra’s The Lunchbox because it was the most marketable film available. A relatable story, an almost European sensibility in its presentation, and a familiar star that audiences worldwide appreciate.

Critics can deride Bollywood for its near cartoonish filmmaking at times, but there is also the threat of losing your identity as a filmmaking culture. The best French films are always indelibly ‘French’ and if I had to send any filmmaker’s work to another country as ‘American’ film, without hesitation I would send something by Spike Lee or Woody Allen.

This movie perfectly walks the line of modern sensibility and traditional India. And even more deeply traditional Indian filmmaking. There are no song and dance numbers, no exotic locales, but The Lunchbox has the same yearning heart as any love story Bollywood ever told.

About Krishna: I'm 34 now, but for the last 10 years, whether it be for my college newspaper, my hometown daily, or my own blog I've been trying to convince people what/what not to listen to and watch. I have opinions…on nearly everything. And you might not always agree with me, but I’ll make damn sure its entertaining enough to read. So get ready for the ride! You can see more at unkut.tumblr.com and if you want to tell me how you agree with me, or more likely how you think I’m completely off base, you can blast me at @kthinakk on Twitter.

#the lunchbox #dabba #good indian girl #irrfan khan

Good Indian Mom: Confessions of a Working Mom

Good Indian Girl has launched a new series called “Good Indian Mom” discussing how we can tactfully pass on Indian culture to our third generation kids. If you have any specific issues/question please email us [email protected]. We’d love to hear from you! by Indu Partha, @InduPartha Guilt. Do you suffer from it? Me? I'm guilty as charged. I do believe that there are few feelings as powerful as working mom guilt. Truly, for the most part, I have no qualms about having a job. I think I am putting my hard-earned education to use, helping my community at large, and setting a good example for my kids to follow. It is nice to show them that yes, you can have a career and a family both. I like my children to see all the myriad aspects of my life: mother, doctor, wife, school volunteer, daughter, friend, and blogger.

Of course, what they have yet to learn is the fact that while a woman can "do it all" these days, she rarely can "have it all." It is a constant juggling act to keep up with responsibilities at the office and at home while also often being the primary social organizer. Very few women can keep all the balls up in the air at all time, and when one or the other comes crashing down, it comes with a heavy dose of guilt. My latest: forgetting to pick up my daughter’s repaired saxophone from the shop because I was too distracted taking care of my feverish son. While the choice was obvious--cancel my clinic time to stay home with my son--I stayed logged in to my electronic medical record in order to somehow stay “available” to my staff and patients. Feeling pressure to constantly keep one foot in the home and one foot in the office is awfully draining. It seems that I am always prioritizing the roles I play, and one role seems to move up or down on that list on an almost daily basis. And while I have some days when I think, "Hey, I'm really managing quite well," there are probably many more days when I am feeling torn about the choices I have made.

There are the days of resentment that I haven't climbed as far up the work ladder as I wanted to/intended to/could have/should have because I have worn the mommy hat for too long. These sentiments are oft accompanied by a certain degree of resentment that my sacrifices have allowed my husband to strive and achieve a good deal of success in his career. Reading “Lean In” just added fuel to this fire; boy, I wish I had read that book 20 years earlier. I’ve already told my high school senior that this book is a must-read before she leaves for university. On the other hand, there are many envy-filled days as I watch stay-at-home moms chat at the bus stop and head off to exercise class while I am hurriedly driving past to reach work on time.

People talk about finding a work-life balance. The longer I do it, the more convinced I am that such a thing doesn't exist. I do know that there are many working moms who are content in how they are managing their home and work lives. I suppose as long as the decision has been hers alone, a woman can come to peace with her unique solution-whatever it may be. However, I wonder how those women stop the "what if I had made that other choice?" thoughts that seem to plague me at times. Is it just a case of “the grass is always greener?”

Thoughts?

Indu Partha grew up in Southern California with roots in Tamil Nadu. She is a Stanford grad working as an internist with 3 kids, 1 husband, while trying her darndest to have an identity of her own while doing the caretaking thing…patients, hubby, kids! You can follow her on Twitter at @InduPartha

#good indian girl #good indian mom #parenting

Movie Review: Bad Words

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

At some point in the last 20 years spelling bees became a vicious battleground for the non-athletic set to prove themselves. Helicopter moms and overbearing dads at every turn; pushing and prodding their children to learn the entire dictionary from all angles and take no prisoners. The world of competitive spelling bees is also one dominated by kids of Indian descent. Kids who long ago cornered the market on pushy, prodding parents. So dominant, in fact, that the ESPN televised Scripps Spelling Bee has crowned an Indian-American champion for 11 of the last 15 years.

Jason Bateman sets Bad Words, his directorial debut, in this hyper-competitive world. Mr. Bateman also stars as Gus Trillby, a foul-mouthed reprobate who, for reasons all his own, decides to enter the prestigious Golden Quill Spelling Bee. Along the way he meets his chief rival for the title; the wide-eyed, all-too precocious Chaitanya Chopra, played by Roshan Chand, who carries a nasty little secret as well.

As a director, Mr. Bateman shows some promise. His brisk pacing keeps the laughs coming and he gets memorable performances from his actors. Only the always-welcome Kathryn Hahn seems a bit underused in her role as the journalist footing the bill for Trillby’s childish behavior in hopes of a feature article.

But the dynamic between the brilliantly acidic Mr. Bateman and the irrepressible sweetness of Mr. Chand is the movie’s strong point. Mr. Bateman possesses tremendous gifts as a comedian. Here he brings the world-weary deadpan that served him so well on Arrested Development, but mixes it with a razor-sharp mean streak. Its a committed, bitingly funny performance. Mr. Chand, so damn adorable they probably ripped him directly out of a Disney movie about orphans, proves up to the task. Every jagged barb from Mr. Bateman is countered with a fresh breath of innocence and acceptance.

The bond that grows between these two loners; Trillby’s isolation by choice and Chopra by circumstance, comes naturally. Chopra, when asked where his father is on the flight to the spelling bee, responds matter-of-factly, “First class,” and he is flying coach because his “father says it builds character.” Trillby responds by telling him to “shut his curry hole” and turn around...in so many words. But they find a connection in their loneliness.

Usually in films where the key relationship is between an older person and a younger person, the younger person reminds the older person how to get back into the world and live life and the older person imparts important life lessons. Think Up or Gran Torino.

Bad Words takes a unique approach and flips the script. Mr. Bateman’s character needs to be taught some very specific life lesson. Meanwhile, Mr. Chand’s Chaitanya lives a life familiar to many first generation Indian Americans. Sheltered, lonely, and faced with almost unrealistic expectations; Chaitanya Chopra needs to see the world and Gus Trillby takes him on one hilariously inappropriate ride.

#bad words movie review #bad words jason bateman goodindiangirl

Good Indian Mom: Third Generation Indian Kids and Dating

by Indu Partha, @InduPartha

My daughter was asked to the Prom last weekend. She was excited, we were happy for her, and then the moment passed. The sheer normalcy of the moment was not something I would have imagined when she started high school three years prior.

When she began her freshman year, we wondered how she would handle the pressures of her teenage years, and my husband and I wondered how we would navigate through heretofore uncharted waters: high school dances, dates, football games, etc. Her younger sister seemed the most curious, “ When are you going to let her date?” Neither my husband nor I had a precedent to follow. My parents handled the question of dating very easily…”no!” Having missed out on Homecoming dances, the joys of picking out Prom dresses, and the anticipation of a first date while I was in high school, I knew that I would make different choices for my child(ren) as a mother. I just knew that I’d be the cool mom who would giggle when talking about cute boys and would take my daughter shopping for heels and gowns.

As my daughters grew older, however, things weren’t quite as black and white. Talking to my young teenaged and college aged patients, I was shocked at how blase they were about physical intimacy. The mom in me would get even more freaked out with each abnormal PAP smear that I diagnosed in these young women. I took the opportunity to talk to my daughters about how an evening of fun can sometimes lead to a lifetime of regret.

During this same period, my older daughter was close to a girl I’ll call Mary. Mary was determined to always have a boyfriend, and successfully managed to date one boy and then another. However, at age 15, “relationships” are fleeting. With each breakup, Mary would dissolve into tears and wonder what was wrong with her. Again, I took the opportunity to tell my daughters why I was concerned about them having boyfriends at too early an age. Before they knew who they were, I didn’t want some random teenage boy making them feel unworthy, unattractive, and unwanted. My husband and I both realize that they will most certainly have boyfriends in time, and it would be silly of us to expect different. We aren’t expecting them to suddenly agree to an arranged marriage at the age of 25 after years of “not being allowed to date.” We do, however, feel that they would be best served to wait to get serious about a boy after high school, when they would have the maturity to handle the distraction, and truthfully, the heartbreak, that would be sure to come at some point. As my daughters have gotten older, and observed the doings and happenings in their high school, have supported brokenhearted friends, and realized that their goals were quite different from many of the “cute boys” they would have crushed on, they seemed to understand where we were coming from.

Now that our senior has successfully made it to the last semester of school with good grades and college acceptance letters in hand, we realize that this is a great time to test the waters. Easier to get over the first date jitters before heading off to the oft-intimidating college world. Her dad and I are there to help guide her, if she asks for it. Her besties and her sister are there to share the giggles.

Now, I just need to figure out how to handle this when my son grows up. I’m sure it’s going to be a whole different ballgame.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

#good indian mom #parenting

Movie Review: The Grand Budapest Hotel

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

There’s a line near the end of Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel that the wonderful F. Murray Abraham delivers about the ability to “maintain the illusion.” He might as well be talking about the entire arc of Mr. Anderson’s career.

His idiosyncrasies are endless. The bold color schemes, the unique costume choices, the multi-directional pan shots, “telling” a film as if it were a book chapters and all...whether you find these ticks endearing or annoying probably determines whether you’re first in line to see a new Wes Anderson movie or at home making fun of the trailer. But if you accept this placeless antiquity, the illusion Anderson presents, he is a storyteller of impressive skill.

His latest finds him in peak form. The film tells the tale of legendary concierge Gustave H. and his dedicated lobby boy Zero Moustafa of the Grand Budapest Hotel; a tale that deals with murder most foul, art theft, prison breaks, true love and the spectre of war. This is Mr. Anderson’s broadest canvas yet. And with the aid of a truly unexpected, inspired performance from Ralph Fiennes as Gustave H. he creates something magical.

To call anything Mr. Fiennes does as an actor “unexpected” belies some failing on his part. But that is miles away from the intent, which is to say that he’s just never done anything like this before. Unchained from the gravitas usually required of him and given the chance to do comedy, Mr. Fiennes dives in head first. Arrogant, kind and resourceful, his Gustave H. is a marvelously complex creation and responsible for most of the truly hilarious moments sprinkled throughout the film.

The rest of Anderson’s growing stable of actors contributes greatly to the experience. Spot appearances by Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzmann, and Owen Wilson bring about that familial air that runs through all of Mr. Anderson’s movies. But just like his last film, Moonrise Kingdom, its the newcomers that shine. As if this strange world Mr. Anderson creates gives an actor chances to explore different ways of acting.

Mr. Fiennes aside, Saorise Ronan in her all too short time on screen brings a touching reality to her relationship with Zero Moustafa, played by the green Mr. Revolori. And Jude Law, as The Writer who bookends the movie, finds the same sense of wonder everyone feels as they hear this incredible tale.

In the end, The Grand Budapest Hotel stands apart from the rest of Mr. Anderson’s films. It doesn’t get mired in dealing with individual relationships and he doesn’t allow his whimsy to distract from the plot. Instead of an insulated world, this one exists in the world at large which adds more weight to the events. It’s a filmmaker in perfect balance with his own desires and what the audience deserves. The story of Gustave H. and Zero Moustafa is one for the ages.

#the grand budapest hotel

Good Indian Mom: Where Should My Aging Parents Live?

Good Indian Girl has launched a new series called “Good Indian Mom” discussing how we can tactfully pass on Indian culture to our third generation kids. Check out our second post by guest blogger Indu Partha. If you have any specific issues/question please email us [email protected]. We’d love to hear from you!

by Indu Partha, @InduPartha It was rather disconcerting for me to discover that my parents and in-laws were getting old. My husband and I find ourselves simultaneously encouraging our children’s quest for independence while worrying about our parents’ potential dependence. Our age-matched peers are experiencing similar dilemmas and I have had any number of patients also dealing with aging parent issues. It is interesting to note how different families tackle the question of how best to take care of Mom and Dad in their senior years.

Growing up in Indian families, my husband and I have always assumed that when our parents reached a certain age, or level of disability, we (along with our siblings) would step forward to help. I will admit--that is far as we have gotten. I am one of three kids and my husband is one of four. The logistics of who Mom and Dad will move in with (and when) hasn’t really been discussed. A lot of factors have probably contributed to not discussing the elephant in the room.

As “ugly” as it is to mention, it costs money to care for 2 adults. If either parent has health issues, costs can multiply. It is difficult to decide what the best financial arrangement is when caring for aging (and usually retired, on-a-fixed-income) parents. Who has the space and the resources to house 2 more people? If the parents stay with sibling x, who should pay for the ticket for them to visit sibling y? Speaking of traveling between siblings: should time be split between the siblings to both divide responsibility and share the joy?

Honestly, I don’t think the members of our parents’ generation are chomping at the bit to live with any of their kids. They no more cherish giving up their independence than their children relish giving up their privacy. Our parents don’t want to impose on their kids, or be dependent on people whom they have spent their whole lives caring for and worrying about. Traditionally, joint families have been the norm in India; different generations have co-existed peacefully (and oftentimes not so peacefully) for many years. It is interesting to note, though, that the typical arrangement was for a son and daughter-in-law to move in to Mom and Dad’s home. And Mom/Mother-in-Law was queen. The women of our parents’ generations, who already have paid their youthful dues having to follow their mother-in-law’s house rules, may not be excited about spending their old age listening to their daughters and daughters-in-law.

Though the concept of “old age” homes is becoming more popular in India, there is still a cultural taboo of putting Mom and Dad in “a home.” The thoughtless children would be a grave disappointment to their community, while Mom and Dad would be the recipients of lots of sad head-shaking, pity, and gossip. I have many non-desi patients who live active happy lives in retirement communities and assisted living facilities, who join their neighbors for rounds of golf and happy hours. I suspect, however, that most of our immigrant parents spent too many hours working and saving for their kids’ education to brush up on their golf game. The Sun City golf and tennis retirement communities would likely be a poor fit for many desi senior citizens.

The more I stew over this topic, the more I realize that there is no one right solution that will suit every person’s needs, wants, and hopes. What works for Radha may be a failure for Rani. The key, I think, like in most every situation, is honest and open communication between parents and children. It is silly not to acknowledge that aging is a tough process. Age takes a toll on physical health, strength, and stamina, and many times on self-sufficiency. It is okay to ask and offer help, but decisions need to be made together. Expectations need to be discussed from the outset, and potential issues and conflicts need to be anticipated honestly from the get go. Responsibilities need to be divided and shared so that no one individual or family feels overburdened. In the end, I think we all want to do right by our parents, just like they did by us. Unfortunately, it takes more than just good intentions when it comes to charting a game plan that will keep all involved parties feeling happy, respected, and cared for. Do you have a plan? Share with us in the comments section.

#good indian mom #good indian girl

Movie Review: Kumare (Documentary)

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

In a disposable culture like ours, people find themselves searching for a greater sense of belonging, a meaningful path. This desire led to the boom of the yoga industry in the United States and for many to look for spiritual meaning and purpose in Buddhist and Hindu philosophies. To find a guru, a guide, to lead them to a better place.

Kumare, Vikram Gandhi’s feature documentary debut, starts as an attempt to understand what motivates people to follow without question and the fall-out when realizing a prophet as false. What you arrive at in the end though becomes something completely different.

Gandhi, born and raised in America to a devout Hindu family, grows his hair and beard out, adopts a clipped Indian accent when speaking English, dons the garb of a Hindu ascetic, starts calling himself Shree Kumare and heads to the vast emptiness of Arizona to find his followers.

Gandhi and his two assistants, who are in on the ruse, ingratiate themselves into the local yoga community. As Shree Kumare makes a name for himself as a guide and teacher, the number of followers begins to grow exponentially. There’s an initial sense of pity for the people who fall into Kumare’s camp. Its easy to see them as misguided as best, naive and foolish at worst.

But as the line between Gandhi/Kumare begins to blur and his philosophies become more than just pseudo-religious babble, you see the connection that grows between Kumare and his followers. These are people desperate for connection, for someone to listen to them, for someone to acknowledge their humanity. And Kumare gives them that.

Gandhi doesn’t allow his creation to fall into parody, that of the huckster snake-oil salesman in town to take all your money and sleep with your wives. Instead, Kumare proves a caring, insightful advisor; whose main teaching is that the real guide, the person who can make the most impactful changes to your life is actually you. The change in Gandhi is almost as profound as that you see in the faces of the people who follow Kumare. He realizes that looking for and finding your true self in your faith isn’t a fool’s bet.

In the end, Gandhi reveals his deception and the reaction of his followers is surprising. His message sticks with more than you’d expect, even after finding out they’d essentially been lied to for months.

As a study of faith and its motivations, Kumare works wonderfully. As a film though, its a bit problematic. The initial premise is forgotten in order for Gandhi/Kumare and his followers to sort through their various problems. As Kumare becomes an integral part of the spiritual process for many of these people, you can’t help but wonder what the eventual damage will be after they find out the truth.

Problems aside, Kumare is a fascinating look at the nature of faith and the transformative power of human connection. Its a sharp debut from Gandhi and worth a watch.

#kumare

Introducing Good Indian Mom

Good Indian Girl is launching a new series called "Good Indian Mom" discussing how we can tactfully pass on Indian culture to our third generation kids. Check out our first post by guest blogger Indu Partha. If you have any specific issues/question please email us [email protected]. We'd love to hear from you! by Indu Partha, @InduPartha I was the sole brown face in a sea of white while growing up in Orange County. Nobody really knew where India was, and their questions about Hinduism all revolved around, “So, you worship cows?” or “Why do you wear a red dot on your head?” Needless to say, I didn’t go out of my way to trumpet my ethnicity. Being Indian was something I did on the weekends—Bharatanatyam, Carnatic music concerts, temple visits, and parties with all of the “aunties and uncles.” In truth, I didn’t really allow my classmates a glimpse of my “other life,” until my senior year in high school, when I had my arangetram. It felt almost like a “coming out” party. As I got older, I felt more confident and comfortable in my Indian skin, and didn’t think too much about my ethnic identity until I had children.

As a parent raising third generation Indian kids, I worried about my ability to raise “Indian” kids. Living in a smallish town as we do, I was concerned about the lack of a supportive desi community. We have no nearby temple, and Indian grocery stores are scarce. I had to figure out: What does being Indian mean to me?

My husband and I tried to promote specific friendships just because they, and we, were Indian. A few flourished, many failed. Our Indian names and looks did not guarantee a bond. Ultimately, we decided that having an Indian friend didn’t guarantee pride in being Indian. We put our time and energy into developing things we thought were special about our Indian culture: close relationships with family, a faith in God within the Hindu framework that was our heritage, a love and appreciation for the art/music/dance of India, and a strong work ethic. When we travel to visit family in California, we visit temples and pull out the Indian clothes we otherwise don’t wear very often. We allow our kids more freedom than our immigrant parents allowed us, but have a stricter parenting style than those of their friends’ parents. Our daughters are learning Bharatanatyam, and I think they are really benefitting from hearing “sa-re-ga-ma” and “dhit dhit thai” while spending time with other girls and women who look like them. A big failure for us? Language. None of our children speaks our mother tongue, despite the fact that my husband and I have the same one. It is hard to think that generations of Tamil speaking have come to a halt because of the two of us. That is a bit painful. I’m frankly not sure how to best tackle this.

The world has become smaller than it used to be. Being Indian is actually “cool” and exotic. In ways, it has been easier than I thought it would be to encourage my kids to feel Indian. They aren’t embarrassed to have their friends see them, or me, in Indian clothes. They invite classmates to our India Society events, and pray regularly at our home altar. Given what I am hearing about the “westernization” of India, I guess we haven’t done so badly.

Indu Partha grew up in Southern California with roots in Tamil Nadu. She is a Stanford grad working as an internist with 3 kids, 1 husband, while trying her darndest to have an identity of her own while doing the caretaking thing...patients, hubby, kids! You can follow her on Twitter at @InduPartha

#good indian mom #good indian girl #parenting

Review: Aziz Ansari Tour 2014

by Krishna Thinakkal, @kthinakk

Stand-up isn’t easy. If you’ve ever seen Tom Hanks in “Punchline” you’d understand. It's usually a sweaty, complicated mess. Like most relationships.

But Aziz Ansari gets it. Not just the funny side of it, the joke side. He gets how to work an audience, how to get them involved in the act.

Mr. Ansari is a tiny Indian man, standing 5’6”, born and raised in South Carolina. Again, tiny Indian man, born and raised in South Carolina. It’s important because it isn’t important at all. At this stage in Mr. Ansari’s career, his ethnicity plays a minor role in his comedy.

Its bigger than you think. Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce...they harped on their heritage, their unique American cultural experience to shock audiences into awareness.

Mr. Ansari, at least in this his current ‘Modern Romance’ tour, sees it another way.

In today’s high-speed, a-touch-away wireless world the idea of the “Other” isn’t as funny anymore, and Mr. Ansari mines that perfectly. His is a comedy of assimilation.

A 21st century comic, Mr. Ansari has mastered modern communication technology (check out his hilarious emoji translation of “N****s in Paris” by Jay-Z and Kanye West if you want proof) and is well aware of how these technologies affect modern romantic relationships. The inherent informality of it all. From text to Facebook to Instagram and Snapchat, sometimes everyone else knows things before the people that should. He draws from that well throughout the entire show.

From a bit that relied on first-time conversations people in the audience texted with romantic interests that fell a bit flat (frankly the audience failed to give him much to work with), to a hilarious back and forth he did with himself on how getting to know each other and planning things by text message might be the flakiest thing two people can engage in; Mr. Ansari displayed an obvious desire for relationships to work like they used to. Simply two people getting to know each other better, connecting with each other on a deeper level; not while staring at the screen of your phone or tablet, but actually sitting face to face.

He closed with a good five minutes talking about his current, and first, serious relationship. Even though he laced it with hilarious stories, his affection and love for this unnamed girl came through bright as day. And if you looked around the room, you noticed the audience leaning in, nodding their heads, hanging on every word. Not only were they waiting on the punchline, they were acknowledging the experiences that tie us together in today’s world. Aziz Ansari, in one hilarious night, showed everyone how ridiculous most of those experiences are. Have you seen Aziz live? What did you think? Share with us!

About Krishna: I'm 34 now, but for the last 10 years, whether it be for my college newspaper, my hometown daily, or my own blog I've been trying to convince people what/what not to listen to and watch. I have opinions...on nearly everything. And you might not always agree with me, but I'll make damn sure its entertaining enough to read. So get ready for the ride! You can see more at unkut.tumblr.com and if you want to tell me how you agree with me, or more likely how you think I'm completely off base, you can blast me at @kthinakk on Twitter.

#aziz ansari #aziz ansari tour 2014

Good Indian Girl, Sort Of: Angelique Chandy

URBAN URCHIN, SOCIABLE LONER, EXTOLLER OF LIFE'S VAGARIES

I currently reside in: New Yorker from the old country now living in Austin, TX

What’s your favorite hangout in Austin: My INTJ personality has me shying away from bawdy revelry like a nervous filly. Since I'm not big into alcohol, it's quaint bookstores, cozy cafés (with extensive tea lists), juice bars and antique shops. A favorite hangout is Juan Pelota after a weekend run, fat tome in tow, sipping a blue dragon smoothie and watching the silhouetted bikers file up in the early morning light. I'd top that off with a dollop of 'WOAH NELLY!', by ambling over to the farmer's market on Guadalupe.

I currently work as: An artist. I do this because: I must.

What are some Indian traditions you still follow? Oy! Our household was anything but traditional with a Visigoth surnamed, Portuguese speaking mother and a Syrian Christian father who met at a Goan beach concert. With nomadic ancestral genes ever-so-questionably Indian, the staunch saving grace is my paternal grandmother's Nambudiri roots.

Bollywood or Hollywood, and why? Neither. Indian & American indie. Why go Bollywood when you can get lost in a Satyajit Ray film? I have a long attention span and all that bombastic, plastic, hollybolly frenzy with flat characters and ever flatter plots, leaves me with a flatline-sounding headache.

Favorite movie? Something that delves into the human psyche (no matter how dark), with long exposure shots and quietly expressive visuals. Think: A Single Man, Man Push Cart, Gummo, Winter's Bone, etc. That being said, I do have a weakness for Scifi (<3 BSG!). Fritz Lang's Metropolis is a favorite but I don't discriminate… monster that looks suspiciously like a tottering iguana? Im in! Visible strings on that spacecraft? I'll watch it!!

What’s your favorite thing about culture? The emphasis on family and education.

What’s one piece of advice your parents have given you that should probably be or are abiding by? I grew up pretty feral but I've found it's wiser to learn from other peoples mistakes. The myriad of paths available to you in your time have been walked by a myriad before you stretched along the ages. Take notes.

So are you a Good Indian Girl? I am an outlier. I don't follow the rules but I don't break them either. This walking conundrum picks: None of the above.

Banksy ain't got nothin' on you, Angelique! To see more of Angelique's artwork you can "Like" her Facebook page.

Movie Review: Kai Po Che

By Guest Blogger Barnali Dasverma, San Francisco, CA

“Another Hindi movie about cricket?!” This was the first thought that crossed my mind when asked if I wanted to spend an afternoon watching “Kai Po Che.” I was skeptical of what I feared was yet another feel-good Bollywood flick about India’s favorite pastime – cricket. About two hours later, I sat in stunned silence, impressed and truly moved by this powerful film. “Kai Po Che,” directed by Abhishek Kapoor, is a highly compelling drama that explores life in Gujarat at the turn of the century – including the devastating 2001 earthquake and tragic 2002 Godhra Hindu/Muslim riots – through the lives of three friends who open a cricket shop and training center together.

“Kai Po Che” does an impressive job of telling the story of three friends – the thoughtful and serious Govind (Raj Kumar Yadav), the hot-tempered and gifted cricketer Ishaan (Sushant Singh Rajput), and the agreeable and good-natured Omi (Amit Sadh) – as they pursue their dream of opening a sporting goods store and cricket training center in their hometown of Ahmedabad, Gujarat. The film is based on a book by Chetan Bhagat called “The 3 Mistakes of My Life.”

The movie, which is increasingly intense towards the end, is not without its “feel good” storylines. Ishaan discovers a child cricket prodigy and convinces the boy’s father to let him begin training at the cricket center to nurture his talent. Govind befriends a young woman he tutors, and, in a genuinely believable storyline, their friendship blossoms into romance as they become each other’s confidantes.

The most compelling element of “Kai Po Che” is that it is an incredible piece of historical fiction. Through the lives of Govind, Ishaan, and Omi, we as viewers witness the destruction of the 2001 Gujarat earthquake and the devastation it causes. The friends’ new shop is destroyed and leaves them heavily in debt. Around them, those less fortunate – including cricket prodigy Ali – are left without food or shelter. Learning about historical events this way is much more emotional and touching than reading about it in the news – because as we become invested in the stories of these well-developed characters, their pain becomes ours.

In a tragic finale, the Godhra Hindu/Muslim riots that left thousands dead directly impact the lives of the three main characters. “Kai Po Che” masterfully deals with multiple topics including Hindu fundamentalist politics, mob violence, revenge, and ultimately, forgiveness.

While “Koi Po Che” is not without its faults – there are some unnecessary and unresolved storylines, for example – it is overall an excellent film that should impress both Western and South Asian audiences. It deftly explores modern history in a way that leaves the viewer moved, emotionally drained, and yet wanting to learn more about this dark part of recent Indian history.

Have you watched Kai Po Che? If so, share your thoughts with us on the film below.

Barnali lives in San Francisco and enjoys exploring new SF restaurants, going to the theater, reading fiction, and traveling internationally. She is also Scuba certified. Barnali holds both a BA and MA from Stanford University.

Good Indian Girl, Definitely: Tara Sharma

DUALITY SEEKER, HIGH/LOW ENTHUSIAST, OBSERVER OF PEOPLE, PLACES AND THE NIGHT SKY

I currently reside in: New York, NY

What’s your favorite hangout in New York: Because New York is so multi-faceted, my answer will be as well:

Central Park for calming and lush greenery and stunning landscapes and an escape from the noise. West Village for a night out at a favorite restaurant and a walk amongst the European like streets. The Highline - a unique raised park that used to be a freight train line back in the day. It offers the most interesting views of the city in such a great urban green setting.

I currently work as: Product Manager at an Financial Company by day, Wedding and Portrait Photographer by night.

I do this because: I am a naturally analytical person with a fierce creative passion with a love of working with people. Therefore, I have two jobs because they challenge me in completely different ways and allow me to grow in so many more ways than just one.

What are some Indian traditions you still follow? I was raised and still am vegetarian, I don't allow shoes past my doorstep, cooking and I put amla oil in my hair every few weeks.

Bollywood or Hollywood, and why? Both. I am a fierce believer in all things fusion - being raised as a second generation Indian (American) in the US - my upbringing is such a complex mix of both cultures down to my core. I actually feel very strongly about this on so many levels - and the result is a mix of both traditions that is uniquely my own little world. I adore Bollywood, I learned to dream watching all my favorite movies and the emotions that any Bollywood movie stirs up in me is of nostalgia and a connection to a culture, music and people that I feel so deeply. On the other hand, Hollywood movies are so glamorous, funny and relatable and are the stuff of my childhood. So short answer - both :)

Favorite movie? As you may have guessed - I have more than one: You've Got Mail, Love Actually, Before Sunrise, Dil Se, KKHH

What's your favorite thing about culture? Passion, Color, Depth, Complexity, Spirituality woven into everything. The ability to feel so much love for the human race and a people as a whole. Unity.

What’s one piece of advice your parents have given you that should probably be or are abiding by? Be honest and work hard.

So are you a Good Indian Girl? Definitely. I am so deeply proud and respectful of my culture and heritage. I love to cook Indian dishes (upma and palak paneer are my favorites), I can wrap a sari, I love the various forms of Indian dance, and I studied Sanskrit in college. Really these are all my ways of understanding where my parents came from, and a way for me to incorporate some of that culture into my present day life with my non-Indian husband. Together I'd like to be able to teach some of these things to my future children so they have a sense of where my family came from.

The world through the eyes of Tara Sharma is very special, we think! To check out her photography, please visit www.tarasharmaphoto.com. Check out our full site at www.goodindiangirl.com.

#goodindiangirl #good indian girl #tara sharma

I Know What You Did Last Summer: Bhajans

“Indian Summer” – A Documentary About A Hindu Heritage Camp

By Guest Blogger Barnali Dasverma, San Francisco, CA

The short film titled "Indian Summer" explores the experiences of Indian American children attending the Hindu Heritage Summer Camp in Rochester, New York. The documentary, which is available online as part of the PBS Online Film Festival, is probably most relevant to Hindu parents who are trying to raise children in America while imparting them with knowledge about their Hindu heritage.

The greatest purpose “Indian Summer” serves is to publicize the very good work that many in the Indian American community have been doing for years to provide forums for their American progeny to learn about their heritage. The documentary profiles a summer camp where Indian American children from all around the country come for two weeks to learn about Hindu philosophy, traditions, values, and rituals. Many of the camp attendees comment that they live in communities where hardly anyone looks like them or is of the same religion. The fact that a space has been created for these children to meet others like them while learning about their faith is very special, and Director Chandra does a great job of capturing all that the camp has to offer.

I don’t think “Indian Summer” will appeal much to those outside the Indian American community. This is mainly because the documentary oversimplifies Hinduism's very sophisticated concepts like karma and moksha. For example, the use of a cartoon “karma bank” to illustrate the impact on a Hindu of doing good and bad deeds is slightly off-putting. The documentary is not particularly inspiring nor does it have very smooth or artistic transitions. However, I think “Indian Summer’s” value is in sharing with the Indian American community that there are children’s programs they may not know exist.

As a child, I attended “Gandhi Youth Camp” in Olema, California every summer for several years – it was a camp run by a Gandhian and focused on imparting the values of Mahatma Gandhi to Indian American youth. Every day for a week, we prayed in every world religion, engaged in community service, practiced yoga, and ate vegetarian food. I learned a lot from Gandhi Camp, but it was a miracle that my family heard about it in the first place. My father read about it in the weekly newspaper “India West” (in the mid-1990s, we had no internet) and decided to send me there on a whim. The camp was in Northern California, we resided in Southern California at the time, our family didn’t know anyone attending or running the camp, and there were no documentaries or online reviews – my dad rolled the dice, and it turned out to be a valuable life experience.

My hope is that “Indian Summer” will serve as an excellent publicity vehicle for the Hindu Heritage Summer Camp and others like it throughout the country, and that parents will learn about these programs, figure out which ones are the right fit for their family, and invest accordingly.

To watch Indian Summer in full, please click here and let us know what you think about the documentary on our Facebook page or comments section below.

#good indian girl #indian summer pbs

Yo, Bindu: Can I Work on Side Projects at Work?

Yo Bindu, I've had a lot of down time at work lately. Is it wrong to work on my personal side projects at work when I have down time?

Yo, Moonlighter! You know there is a PC answer and a not so PC answer. We know what HR would say, but let’s think about this together in a way that will keep your supervisor (and you) satisfied.

Let's assume if you’ve got down time, you are probably efficient at your job and do it well (maybe a strong assumption, but we're going to go with it). So remember, a key strategy in leadership is to be visible at work and get noticed. And by this, I don't mean taking on special projects like getting your co-workers to perform your own very special version of Harlem Shake. Stand out with leadership skills, competence, and emotional intelligence.

More, More, More If you have downtime, our first suggestion would be to ask your boss for more projects. This will provide more opportunities at work with more exposure, more experience, and more people to collaborate with outside of your normal role. This more, more, more equation could lead to a promotion or special recognition for taking initiative.

20% Rule Now this next approach depends on your relationship with your boss. You could create some projects that help to get your department noticed (excluding the Harlem Shake video). This would be an opportunity for you to be creative, innovative, and breakthrough the mediocrity. For example, Google allows their employees to use 20 percent of their time to work on whatever they want, as long as it further's Google's mission. If the boss doesn’t support this type of creativity, look at modifying your work hours, that way you can look forward to your personal side projects on your “flex” day.

Full-time Passion Lastly, take a look at your side project. For example, are you extremely passionate about blogging, but you work as a software engineer? Maybe there is there a space at your workplace where they need a guest blog post. This way you can take your side passion and incorporate it into your workplace.

Ultimately, at the end of the day you want to be happy at your job and that does involve a conversation with the boss lady (or man). So take some time to think about your side project vs. your daytime job and how you can really be happy (and still pay the bills).

You know the non-PC response and we know lots of people do it. If you're eager to get your side business going, so carve out a space and time before or after work (outside of the workplace) where you can fully dedicate yourself to this project, uninteruppted, and ethically.

Good luck and if you choose to do a Harlem Shake video, please send it our way!

Yo, Bindu is your go-to column for candid and honest answers to questions about emotional health, wellness, and happiness. Dr. Bindu has a doctoral degree in psychology and as a first generation South Asian woman, she recognizes the challenges of merging the best of two amazing cultures. As co-founder of The Happy Leader, she strives to find ways to bring happiness to many dimensions of our complex, intriguing and eventful lives.

Have a question for Bindu? Email us at [email protected]. For our full website, please visit www.goodindiangirl.com.

#goodindiangirl good indian girl

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