Being southern is really funny cause were inherently fake as hell “bless your heart” is THE shadiest sentence in the entire lexicon of americanized english
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@goodmannersbadjudgment
Being southern is really funny cause were inherently fake as hell “bless your heart” is THE shadiest sentence in the entire lexicon of americanized english
I use this space to post a lot of sadsack dating anecdotes but the past 48 hours have reminded me how fortunate I am. I have wonderful old friendships to keep me rooted and give me useful perspective, and exciting new friendships to look forward to growing. I have mentors who are generous with their time and wisdom. I have people who believe in me, who are miraculously willing to vouch for me at times when I doubt myself. I have the time and resources to go on adventures, but so much more to hunger for and work for still. I have places with fond memories AND a bright future in store for me. All of these lovely things are worth celebrating. Happy Valentine's Day to me. :)
what has the world come to that i can't have three glasses of wine without feeling like death the next day? D:
There's a very big, sad difference between kissing someone because you want to kiss them, and kissing someone because you want someone to kiss.
i hope i do not carry my talents for choosing men who reveal themselves to be deceitful jackasses into 2015.
1. this guy who i met through FSU twitter who lives in broward county -- we talked for about a month, and i did really like him, but he kept trying to sext me and generally heat things up way faster than i was comfortable with. so we didn't talk for a few weeks. then, on my birthday, he texts me to wish me a happy birthday, and ask me to dinner when i am home in west palm later that week. okay, cool. bearing in mind, i would only be home for two nights (well, three, but one was thanksgiving, so not available), i allocate one of those nights to dinner with him. text him the day of to confirm, no response, ever. so once i got back to jacksonville i unfriended him on fb and unfollowed him on everything else. well, i kinda forgot all about him until on saturday i get these flurry of likes and favorites on twitter and instagram from him. i finally go look at his instagram, and he has a new girlfriend --- that if his "1 month #wcw" is accurate, he was dating when he was blowing my phone up and then doing a 180 and pretending like i didn't exist. ><
2. the guy i went out with from home this summer who i have stayed in touch with, kinda intensely -- we were supposed to see each other on sunday, but then on christmas night i drove up to see him. we went to the beach for like three hours but promised to see each other on sunday too. he specifically said: "i want to make sunday a real date, i don't want to just go out for drinks and then fool around." cool, thumbs up.
on saturday night i was out and drunk and texted him to ask him if i would get to see him the next day. on sunday at lunch i get a text back: "ugh unclear. mom issues." now his mom has cancer so i was totally pleasant about the change in plans, obviously. i responded with "Ok. Hope everything is alright. No worries if it doesn't work out." didn't hear from him by 5 so i sent another text: "I think I am gonna go ahead and have dinner with my family but let me know if you are free later, ok?" later that night my facebook feed shares with me a photo of him out with three girls from high school, no ill mother anywhere to be found. -_-
is there something wrong with me that makes it so easy to dismiss? if there were something i could change about the way i am doing business, i would, i swear. the untrustworthiness is so exhausting. and the weird thing is, if this were female friends doing this to me, i would not put up with it. i pride myself on being really, really good at having healthy, productive platonic friendships. it's not like ALL of the relationships in my life carry with them this level of dysfunction. so why is romance so, SO much harder?
o.0
This is part of why it pisses me off a little bit that so many people I grew up with fled Florida for DC and New York and California. I understand the bright lights are calling you (I certainly went farther than that for a while) but there is a greater purpose here at home.
As you grow older, you’ll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don’t you forget it-whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash.
Atticus Finch, To Kill A Mockingbird. (via jockeyfever)
this guy i know from college who lives outside of ft. lauderdale texted me on my birthday and asked me to get dinner with him tonight. we had started talking a little bit more often recently so i was looking forward to seeing him. didn't hear from him all week, so i texted him at lunch today asking if we were still on for dinner -- NO. RESPONSE. grrr i am so mad. mostly because i only had two nights in west palm and i kept tonight clear to see him. i feel so dumb. :(
it's 4:30 am on my birthday and i am battling a wine hangover, which always makes me super melancholy. :(
my parents drove up yesterday to celebrate my birthday with me. their visit made me nervous, mostly because i worry about my mom traveling and keeping both of them happy, but so far, so good. the good times almost make my relationship with them more complicated because i am suddenly ashamed of how much time i spend trying to work out the bad times in my mind and heart, but i won't lie, my fingernails are chewed down and my cuticles are shredded over the past two weeks worrying about this weekend. will my parents like my friends? the place i choose for dinner? will i have done something to inadvertently disappoint them? will i get the disapproving face at how little i have nested in my apartment? these all sound like super dumb questions when i spell them out but they have caused me so much anxiety over the past few weeks. :(
i love them a lot. i really do. in many ways they have been beyond wonderful parents. there are moments, though, where i could be crushed under the anxiety and frustration and sadness.
Your heart is the size of a fist because you need it to fight.
Lora Mathis (via thatkindofwoman)
this weekend. ugh. ugh. ugh. so fun.
orlando is really growing on me. i used to write it off as a nauseating tourist trap but the residential, regular people areas are lovely. just stirs up all this florida pride in me that we can balance it like that in one metro area. :)
we drove down on saturday morning, had a delicious lunch at a faincy restaurant in winter park, then got our hair done at a blow-out salon across the street. let me tell you -- most useless blow-out i've ever gotten. i've paid $5 more to get it done here by a top-notch aveda stylist in a more pleasant atmosphere and it lasted longer in more humid weather than this. this is also really the first time i've asked anyone to attempt teasing my hair and the stylist told me that she couldn't because i have a cowlick in the back? i think i need a second opinion on that one. i don't want to go through life being deprived of the big hair that should really be my birthright just because i came of age with the o.c. and spent too long chasing after mischa barton hair.
my first experience at downtown disney was agreeable. the house of blues was a good venue, very easily accessible and reasonably-priced tickets, especially when you consider that most people were getting to see three artists, if you gave a flip about the last two who performed :P. we drove down to see sam hunt, who i am obsessed with to a degree that is probably immature and disgraceful. how hilarious, though, that when the dj from the radio station that sponsored the contest came out and named all three performing artists, there was polite applause for the other two but just a deafening roar for sam. <3 he is appreciated for his many talents and other blessings.
everything else that happened over the course of the evening, i have too much discretion to retell on the internet. it was just unreal. it was a nice way to cap off 25, though -- my birthday is in a week and a half and 26 just seems like a big number. o.0 my parents are coming to visit that weekend, so this will mark the first time i have seen my brother since our fight in september, and the first time they have visited since LAST july. there's just a lot of drama and tension that i really wish wasn't coupled with the occasion.
i booked myself a trip to nashville in january to visit a friend from college, so if you have any suggestions for mlk day weekend, let me know! i am very much looking forward to it. :)
i mentioned off hand to someone the other day a conversation i had with someone i knew from high school, and that i disagreed or something with them. (it was a really, really trivial conversation.)
they acted disgusted that anyone would keep up with someone they knew from high school. like every high school only graduates one person worth making their way in the world and everyone else has to wither away in their hometown, unfit to socialize.
screw you, dude. i graduated with really smart, sharp, motivated, interesting people. if i don't maintain at least some of those connections, I'M the idiot. but i do realize how lucky i am, that there are at least 8-10 people i talk to semi-regularly whose achievements i admire, and who cheer me on unfailingly, but who have still known me since i looked like this:
if i could find a middle school photo, it would be even worse. but that's love, y'all.
Mona Beysa
what an excellent four days! wednesday i drove down to orlando to meet jenn! :) i am so lucky to have friends who make it so easy to pick up where we left off, even after two years not seeing each other. the "hotel room" we were staying in courtesy of her company was really a timeshare -- two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a full kitchen, and two patios. so nice! we drank on the patio when i got there and then woke up the next morning for breakfast by the lake.
i love introducing people to florida. all the lizards and birds gave her a fit and i enjoyed pointing out the likelihood of snakes and alligators in the lake thirty feet away. :) then someone picked us up to do site visits at the contemporary, the nicest hotel at disney, and epcot. we got into the food and wine festival fo free! a flight of beers in germany, some griddled cheese and spanakopita in greece, then we walked back to the beach and yacht club to take a taxi back to our hotel. the rest of the afternoon was spent exploring winter park, which was unfamiliar to me but so much nicer than i expected. i have visions of the entire orlando area as being trashy and touristy but it's the town where rollins college is located. i wouldn't mind spending more time there. we day drank a bit and then headed to this famous restaurant, the ravenous pig, where i made the ill-fated decision to order foie gras. their "cornbread" was more like cheese straws and the bacon jam was tiny dollops on the plate, but our waiter was mad cute and they played "night moves" when they brought me my artisanal chicken biscuits and pork empanadas. :)
then we went to an ice bar! the whole bar, with the exception of the ceiling and the floor, it is all made of ice! they gave us faux fur parkas to wear and gloves so that our cups, made of ice, wouldn't freeze our hands. we had so much fun! and after 89 degrees and 95% humidity all day, it did wonders for our hair!
friday morning we parted ways after some panera. i drove up to my cousin's house outside of macon for my aunt and uncle's surprise 50th anniversary party. we went to my cousins' football game (one plays, two are cheerleaders). i realized i don't think i had ever been to a high school football game before! it was very fun, even though they lost terribly. on saturday during the day we went to the state fair, which was in town like ten minutes away. let me tell you -- the georgia state fair is AWESOME. we didn't even get to any rides, just wandered around the ag areas. it's ENORMOUS. we saw the shortest furriest little cows, draft horses pulling carriages, a pig show, some sheep and bunnies, and walked through the georgia grown building, which i assumed would have a ton of locally grown vendors but was basically just a place for the georgia department of agriculture to shill.
the party was super sweet. my cousins made their grandparents a slide show of photos from throughout their marriage. it's really fun to see the young hot versions of people you've only ever known as old.
it's crazy how different my life is from my cousins', though. they live across the street from an honest to God cotton field. so fascinating.
now i am back in jacksonville getting ready for the week ahead. drinking the last of the gin i got at my favorite liquor store from my favorite hipster boys (i'm working on them to put my cheerwine, gin, and lime juice on the menu permanently) and i can't stop listening to this rihanna song i heard on the radio on my way to orlando that apparently came out in 2010. :/ wishing you all a happy week!
next week is so exciting. on wednesday night i am driving to orlando to visit jenn teacherrrrrr. :) then i drive back on friday morning to meet my parents to drive to georgia for my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary. i am kind of nervous about that trip -- my brother and i got into a massive fight driving home from north carolina last month. it would break my dad's heart if i ever said this to him, but i just don't like my brother at. all. for someone who has so much potential, he just throws it all away. i've always been the "smart one", but he is the one who was super well-rounded -- handsome, athletic, smart, charismatic. beyond high school basketball he has put no thought or effort into his future. now he should be in his junior year of college but i don't think he has two passing semesters under his belt. it's so embarrassing. it's one thing to not know what you want to do, but he is just in this inert state. he volunteered to drive with me from jacksonville to asheville, because apparently after making an equidistant trip from west palm to tallahassee 2-3 times a semester for four years in college and traipsing back and forth from korea i can't be trusted to drive six hours by myself. then you are rude to me and insult my driving and act inconvenienced when i want to stop for food or the bathroom. we stopped at a sonic outside of columbia and i swear i a) almost threw his cigarettes out the window just to be hateful and b) thought seriously about taking the car and leaving him there. i was furious. i told my dad he was smoking and that he was being ugly to me and my brother threw his gatorade across the car, screamed "fuck!" and acted like he was going to run the car off the road. i don't want to be around him. my parents are set on stopping here, and i'm afraid my mom is going to be ugly about the state of my apartment -- i'm not a super tidy person but i have promised myself it will be in better shape when they arrive. i will still probably get fussed at though. and i really, really, REALLY don't want to be in a car with them for three and a half hours each way. i need need need an excuse to drive myself.
disliking another girl is so exhausting. why can't we just beat the shit out of each other like dudes and move on?