The mourning of...

An obituary to the life that once was, a rememberance, and a celebration of it's joy.

[goodmourning2020]

Songs to listen to...

[goodmourning2020]

Songs to Listen to...

[goodmourning2020]

[goodmourning2020]

To my first dance class,

Circa 2001

Just a little asian girl with a dream to be a ballerina. I guess I got there in my own little way.

[goodmourning2020]

To Bryana,

When I first came to this school, I was so afraid to be the dancer that did shows and went into other people’s territory. We were talking one day and she said “oh yeah I’m in Ancient Future” and I knew this was going to be possible for me. We both got into Parade a couple months later and it brought us together in so many ways. As the only dance majors in the show, we stuck together and became best friends. Fast forward to summer 2019 where I got to see you take on NYC and set up your future. I loved having you around all summer even if we were always on the grind. I can’t wait for us to adventure in nyc together, auditioning for shows, seeing showings, and having the time of our lives. I am so thankful that at times of absolute chaos and continuous laughter, you were right by side. You inspire me to work harder in honing into my craft and jumping at every opportunity I get to aid my success. You are the most organized person I know and I strive to be like you when I grow up. I love you with all my heart and I can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you. You’re my best friend and always will be.

Love,

Mikaela

[goodmourning2020]

To the future UARTS Grad,

To the world we’re going to take over, you’re not ready.

[jericosilvers]

instagram.com/jericosilvers

[goodmourning2020]

To Lanae,

What made you want move?

“It was around 2 am and I couldn’t sleep because my sleep schedule is messed up pretty bad. I turned on some music and started dancing in my head so I figured “hey why not get up and actually dance”

[artsyolivia]

[moonlitpoems]

“who hurt you so badly that you started to hurt yourself?”

— j.e.b. ((you are enough.))

[goodmourning2020]

[goodmourning2020]

To the sunshine that fills my room,

A day of thanks.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to sing my songs, to move to the beat of the world, and walk alongside my family. It’s the little things that I feel grateful to be alive for in times like these. The zoom parties, the virtual concerts, and the social distance dog walks to get away from the world for a bit. Every day I think about how much has changed but remember that my life will go on and I will have so many stories to tell my kids one day.

Happy Monday, May the Fourth be with you

[goodmourning2020]

To my college roomie, my best friend, and forever inspiration,

Was I ready to say goodbye to our crazy 1017 life? not at all. But I wouldn’t  trade the experience of having you around for the most pivotal moments in my life for anything. You were there as I left my teenage years, as I cried over boyfriends, when I knew absolutely no one in first year writing, in my first cycle where we all did hip hop barefoot, I could go on forever. We became friends so quickly and I knew that every moment with you was going to be a good one. 

As an artist, you inspire me with your dancing because it makes me LIVE inside the movement with you. It creates such depth and could write a million stories. You never cease to amaze me whether we were in class or on stage. You push me to be a greater dancer and creator. 

Saying goodbye to our college life and hello to post grad is bittersweet, but I know you will always be in my life. No matter how far away, I will travel anywhere to be dancing by your side, whether in class, on stage, or in a philly bar. You have brought such joy to my heart at all times and I could never repay you for the opportunity to have such a valuable friendship. I love you mucho Julia Lane. Thank you for being a person that will always be part of my best memories of college. 

Check her out at: https://www.julia-lane.com/

[goodmourning2020]

To my mental health,

While being in quarantine and having a broken toe, I found it difficult to participate or feel engaged with online practices that required me to move. I felt paralyzed in self doubt and body dysmorphia because of the weight gain from not working out consistently while injured. It’s difficult to dance when your body is changing and looks different than you remember. To help cope with my anxiety, I tuned into Minding the Gap’s webinar about Dancer Mental Health Town Hall: on “perfect” during COVID-19. 

https://www.wearemindingthegap.org/town-hall

We discussed many topics and I urge you to click on the link to watch the discussion, but one prompt really spoke to me. 

1.Widening your identity, make a list of a dozen items that answer I am a person who_

As perfectionists, we’re scared to try new things because what if you’re bad at it?

These are my answers:

I am a person who dances

I am person who sings

I am a person who acts

I am a person who reads romantic novels 

I am a person who loves to learn about mental health for artists 

I am a person who loves the anatomy of the human body 

I am a person who loves to eat 

I am a person who loves dogs 

I am a person who loves babies

I am a person who analyzes text

I am a person that fights for sexual assault victims

I am a person who loves to love other people 

This exercise brought me to practices I could do while dance seemed unattainable. It helped me ease my mind to put my work ethic toward another task. It was incredibly moving and I hope this exercise can help other dancers leap toward the fear of failing at something you’ve never done before or always wanted to but had no time for. You are perfect no matter what version of you is happening in this moment. 

[goodmourning2020]

To the song that I sing when want to feel comfortable,

I have been singing this song since Freshmen year of college. It’s a song that has grown with me as I walked through every year of college, wondering how to manage, how to cope, and keep moving when I feel like giving up. This song let’s me feel what I want and not hold back. It let’s me scream and cry when I want the world to think that I’m strong. It heals me. 

[goodmourning2020]

To the day I wanted to sing about not being afraid,

As I sat in my boyfriend’s apartment in Philly, I felt defeated because my toe was broken and dance seemed like a distant memory at this point. This song empowered me to keep going and doing what I’m doing because it’ll all be okay in the end. Fear can be crippling but it can also be the push to something great. 

I’m Not Afraid of Anything- Songs for a New World  

{workshop}

[goodmourning2020]

To my ever evolving workbook,

Thesis ideas: Drapes hanging from the top of the y-gym or paper Projection of light on dancers bodies Or on the slips of paper Silhouettes  Shadows- one dancer in front of the screen or sheet the other in front  Shedding Flower blooming growth  Changing front Thesis questions: how do you deal with years of unresolved trauma?  How does the body store trauma?  Weight (on the body, through the body)  Overall theme of carrying or holding tension of trauma  Combat  Sexual abuse  Weight  Angina  Lbs.  Costume ideas: Color palette: white gray red black blue  White gray red gray white  White grey black red pink  How to start: 

Music  Text  Memories  What is the spark?  Emotions  Trauma, experiences, surroundings  Make music with your voice: power of the exhale  Systems: 

Clock  Musical score  Go off a word  Quadrants (mapping)  Manipulation of text  Working with the consonants of words, repeating and exaggerating Musical theatre skeleton  Emotional arc  Feelings  Solos and duets

Research Links: https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/publications_nsvrc_factsheet_media-packet_statistics-about-sexual-violence_0.pdf https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qK28Powy4ZQ "my damage was internal, unseen." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CjVOLToRJk "how much is a little girl worth?" https://uarts.kanopy.com/video/grief-trauma-and-sexual-abuse-two-women Books: Treating Sexual Abuse and Trauma with Children, Adolescents, and Young Adults with Developmental Disabilities : A Workbook for Clinicians Kallstrom-Fuqua, Weston, and Marshall (2004) studied a group of low-income women who were sexually abused as children or adolescents. Several factors were found to determine the level of distress experienced by survivors including the level of force, number of perpetrators, relationship to perpetrator, and age at first assault; however, the relationship between sexual abuse and psychological distress was mediated by feelings of powerlessness and stigmatization. Abuse survivors had a higher chance of developing depression and anxiety as adults as contrasted with individu-als who had not suffered abuse.\

Five Sections The act   the isolation - like everybody else Lennon stella the panic - the exhale  the embrace - bless your heart serpent with feet  the power

Description of research: "Know my name" "Approximately 70% of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime." "I tried to push it out of my mind, but it was so heavy. I didn't talk, eat, sleep, I didn't interact with anyone." -Chanel Miller  I am interested in visually portraying the mental and physical weight that sexual abuse victims carry in every day life. Shedding light on the cyclical effects of this post traumatic stress. Ultimately, illuminating the strength it takes to heal and reclaim the body. This is a dance of healing,shedding, awareness, and reclaiming. choreographic intentions: My work will contain playful antics such as shadows, silhouettes, and bodily story telling. Dancers will have to be intimate in touch and weight baring/sharing. There will also be a short section of breath centralized movement, utilizing breath as the main source of sound. Cast size would be about 6-8 people.  Additional information: I will personally be speaking with mental health professionals to make sure this process is curated properly. This topic is triggering and hard to tackle, but important to keep in the conversation. This is meant to celebrate the people who were hurt, give them a voice, and a space to be known.