feeling good living better

It ain’t me

[goodnightjcob]

jacintamorley​:

Jacinta crossed her arms over her chest, staring at him almost unbelievably at his explanation but laughed softly, nodding her head along with his words. “Crazy, absolutely crazy, I’ll tell you. But I am glad you came back, like I know we just met this year and all, but I couldn’t imagine not seeing you after this,” Jacinta admitted with a smile, “I mean, it feels like I’ve known you my whole life, Jake,” she chuckled as he spoke. Her face perking up at the mention of him leaving something behind for her. “Jake…” Jacinta’s expression softened just slightly, “I’m really lucky to have you as a big brother. I know that this has been a crazy year for the both of us, but I’m glad we crossed paths. You’re the best.”

“Thanks for being so understanding. Don’t get me wrong, this city is nuts and high school was even more so. But, you’re not somebody I want to leave behind.” Jake pointed out as he started to fish into his truck for what he’d brought her. It was true, this place had felt..limiting, in a way. He felt like he needed the chance to grow, become the man he was meant to be, but leaving people behind wasn’t something he wanted to do, least of all family. “I’ll be honest..this year didn’t go the way I planned. I lost..more that I think I should have..” He started, eyes darting away for a moment, not wanting to show the faint pain of loss in them to her before hope could return. “..but finding you was crazy. Like..almost worth the headache.” Once Jake found the gift, he pulled it out, hanging the blue plaid shirt around her neck. “Now it’s worth the headache.” He smiled as he wrapped her into a hug.

[goodnightjcob]

jacintamorley​:

Jacinta was thrilled to finish her first year at Degrassi on a good note regardless of her own fair share of drama it took to get her there. Still, Jacinta felt as if everything gradually fell into place and she was happy to be where she was, for once. She had just gotten home from a shopping spree with Arlene, a little bit of a pick me up as the younger girl was clearly going through something. She slipped into something more comfortable, finally settling herself onto her bed and browsed through her options. Sighing contently, Jacinta knew she could spend the rest of her break in her pajamas. She was very into her reality drama series and had anyone else texted her, Jacinta probably wouldn’t have bothered getting up from bed. But this was Jake, and she’d do anything for Jake. “Oh my god,” Jacinta said through a giggle, smiling vibrantly at the sight of her older brother. “What’re you doing here?! I thought you couldn’t wait to leave us all behind,” Obviously joking, but surprisingly pleased to see him. 

Jake started to pick up some rocks just to be sure, but quickly dropped them once he was his younger sister. “Oh you know, took a wrong turn at the turnpike, me and Katie ended up back in Canada somehow, weird.” He joked as he recalled just how suddenly he decided to leave without so much as a goodbye to some people. It wasn’t like him, and he didn’t want to start off adulthood on the wrong foot. “I kinda forgot to mention I was going to Cali for a few weeks, gonna grow my hair, chill on the beach with my girl. But, I couldn’t do that without giving you something special. I mean, it might not be your style..but, you’re technically a Martin. And I think you should have this.”

[goodnightjcob]

He wasn’t going to come back, he said. Not for a few weeks at least. He and Katie had decided to take their little cross country, literally, trip earlier than expected, the morning after graduation. When their lives and their relationship could truly begin, away from the distractions of Toronto and their former high school. They could just be themselves, no more cliques, no more drama..in fact, they couldn’t wait so badly that they had almost forgotten something. Only a few hours on the road, and the couple realized that they had to turn back and say some proper goodbyes to a few people. While she was making her rounds, Jake decided to make only one stop. Clare Edwards was something he’d deal with another time, but right now..family came first. In true Jake Martin fashion, he couldn’t simply say what was on his mind and just give her a hug goodbye. No, he wanted to get some things off his chest before he started a new chapter in his life, but he felt this one could use a bookmark. waiting outside his car, he sent her a text to let her know he was there outside her house.

jake: come outside or i’m gonna start chucking rocks at your window 🤡

@jacintamorley

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare couldn’t believe the high hopes he had for her. She was not going to some fabulous school in New York. She was just running away. A trick she had been picked up from Tori; when things got rough, just leave. She shook her head, begging, “Please stop.” This was part of why she was leaving. The constant pressure everyone, including Jake, had thrust upon her, was becoming too much. She wasn’t perfect. She wasn’t going to grand things before she turned twenty. She was being a coward; yet only she seemed to know it. “I’m not - I’m not going to school. Not right now. I’m just leaving, Jake.” She was trying to explain, but it was hard. He was the last person she wanted to disappoint. The girl he had projected so high was so scared to spend one more day in high school that she was willing to become some shitty waitress anywhere in New York City just to get away.

Jake didn’t mean to misread what Clare had said, but when she admitted that she was leaving..just because, it confused him a little. “You’re just..going?” He said furrowing his brows. The wheels started to slowly turn in his head, if he hadn’t asked her here for this..would he have been told? Would she have told him she was just leaving for New York..through just a text, if at all? “Clare..” He started to say, the millions of reasons why she should stay here, be with her friends, all of it running through his head. Jake Martin had one more time to play hero, save the day. And yet..he couldn’t. “Well..I still think you should go to school. But, I’m done telling people how to live their lives..and failing.” Sighing, he started walking to the door, pulling the handle as he started to leave, waving a hand to her. “..good luck.”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare actually agreed with him. She had been fighting him and most of her friends for weeks now, preparing herself to cut them all off when she inevitably left early. She had found out after Imogen stole her record from Simpson’s off that she only had three more classes to fulfill. “I’m leaving in the fall,” she blurted out before he leave her behind, not able to keep it in anymore. She sighed heavily, trying to explain herself before he could butt in, “Imogen stole my file from the administration office and I only have a few more credits and then I can be done.”

Jake was about to leave, done with this conversation and wanting to enjoy the rest of his night. But her words caught him off guard, turning around with a surprised look on her face. “Huh?” He asked her curiously, listening to her explain herself and how she only needed a few more credits to graduate. “That’s..great. Wow..I knew you were smart but I didn’t think you were that far ahead..” He said, eyes darting to her as his mind started to wander a little. “Knowing you, you got into some fancy New York school soo..I guess the summer, or whatever we’ve got is it..” He said, somewhat sadly, but fixed his face as he flashed her a small encouraging smile. He couldn’t be mad at her for following her dreams. “You’re gonna do amazing. I know you are.”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare stepped back into him, her whole body started to relax. Then he started talking about him and Katie again. She sighed heavily, not wanting to have a disagreement with him right now. She shook her head, stating, her voice tight, “I told you I would be civil. I didn’t say I was okay with it.” She struggled to keep the annoyance thin. Jake always made terribile choices when it came to partners. Katie and, as much as Clare loved her now, Tori had been awful for Jake too.

“Oh come on..” Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to go down this road with her, hear about how he was making a “terrible” choice and how much better he could do. As much as he cared for Clare, he wanted to make his own choices. “Clare, I’m gonna date Katie. OK? And, maybe date somebody else. I don’t know what’s in the future. But you gotta stop and let me make my choices. It’s my life.” He said emphatically, straightening up his suit jacket. “Now, are you coming or not? Cause I don’t feel like staying here and fighting right now.”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare’s face pinched together as he pulled away and she pouted slightly, not actually ready to go. She wanted to stay in his arms all night, just mourning over everything they lost and could be. They were growing up and it scared the every nerve in her body. But his voice sounded so sure and so calm. She wiped at her eyes with her manicured fingers. “Just,” she started to object, but her breath caught again. “Another minute. Please?” She shook her head, her hair falling out of the careful pins, as she promised, “And then you can go spend forever with Katie.” The words came out stiller than she had thought they would, but felt like she had stabbed herself in the back.

Jake nodded at her request, sure that the two of them would be able to spend a little more time in here since the hotel was on loan to the school for the night. “Yeah, of course..” He said as he started to wrap an arm around Clare, before furrowing his brows at the mention of Katie. “Spend forever? I’m not marrying her, Clare. She’s, well, gonna be my girlfriend once I go talk to her. I thought we talked about this, I know you and her aren’t friends, but I thought you were OK with what I was doing with her?”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare closed her eyes as she let his words set in. The aching from her chest was radiating through her whole body. The worst she had felt all year. Worse than Eli breaking up with her. Worse than when she had gotten the news about her parents. Worse than taking Tori to the hospital and then having her friend abandon her. The most brokenhearted she had been in all seventeen years of her short life. Clare opened her swollen eyes, the shot red veins making the crystal blue irises a bright ocean blue. She nodded, whispering, “Okay.” He always knew the right thing to do. He loved playing the hero for everyone, but she was willing to make him her Superman forever. She folded back into him, clutching him close for now, as she tried to collect her unstable emotions.

Jake hadn’t had an emotional moment, a real emotional moment like this since Tori. And that was full on crying, small glimmer’s of hope and while trying to cope with something he could never forget as long as he lived. This felt..different. It wasn’t a goodbye, per say, but he could sense that things might not be the same between them. But, maybe change was good. He had spent a good chuck of this year avoiding change, but he realized that it was gonna come no matter what, and he had to adapt to what life through at him. They both did. They weren’t those same kids anymore who could hide from the world. Their future was now, and they had to grow. He hugged her once more, pulling back a little as he looked down at her face. “We should..probably get back to everyone. Katie’s probably bugging Maya about where I am, and I hate to see that kid annoyed..you ready to go?”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare leaned into the touch of his hand, letting out another sob. Her heart was literally breaking as she realized this was one of the last few moments she might see him before he left with Katie. She whimpered pathetically and shook her head, choking out her words, “But I don’t want you to go.” Although it wasn’t fair to say that. She could call him any moment of the day. Tomorrow or ten years from now, and he would come running. But running from where? Los Angeles? With his life with Katie? Or even some other woman she may never get to have a chance to approve of for her Jake. She wanted to be selfish, but she just couldn’t. He deserved more than that.

Jake frowned a little bit at her words, knowing that she wanted him to stay here. But at this point..he couldn’t. Not only because of graduation, but because while his home was here..it felt dim. So much had happened that it changed him inside, making him feel like he needed to branch out and explore life. If he was ever going to be the man he thought he could, he needed to grow. Maybe it was for the summer, maybe forever..but he needed her to let him go. “I’ll always be here, no matter where I am. Okay? You and me don’t have a distance problem, just a long drive between houses.” He tried to say with a small smile. “Plus, it’s just a little bit of the summer, I’ll be back before you know it. All you need to focus on is you, like I said. This summer’s about Clare Edwards, so make it a good one.”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌: 

Clare looked him straight in the eye, not even trying to keep herself from holding back sobs as they shuddered through her, leaving her makeup streaked across her flushed face. She nodded fervidly, opening her mouth to catch her breath as her heart thudded through her chest. “Forever. You’ll have me forever, I swear,” she agreed, reaching up with a hand to cup his face in her palm, wanting to touch him for as long as she could before he would inevitably leave.

Jake didn’t have much with him to stop the crying, but he pulled out his handkerchief from his lapel pocket of his suit, using it to dry her tears. He nodded at her words, hoping that it was a promise that the both of them could keep. To Jake, Clare wasn’t some girl of the week or a random conquest. She meant something, and she was someone he held dear for as long as he could remember. And he wanted to keep that girl in his heart, close to him. “It’s rental, but hey, I’m an adult after tomorrow..you only live once right?” He replied with a smile, brushing his hand against her cheek. “You’ll be OK, I know you will.”

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare moved willingly into his arms, slipping her arms underneath his to hold onto her friend. She buried her face in his chest as she wept softly. She looked up at him with a sad smile, sniffling, “I love you too, Jake.” And that was it. That was the truth. It was finally off her chest. But he probably wouldn’t know that she actually meant she was in love with him like Zig had gotten her to realize. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” she admitted through more tears.

Smiling at her response, he hugged her a little bit tighter, glad that he could help end this year on a good note somewhat. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I mean, honestly..this year has been crazy, for the both of us.” He pointed out, sighing as he reminisced about the good as well as the bad from the past year. “But you know the one thing’s that’s always stayed the same throughout all of it? Through..new or old sisters, boyfriends, girlfriends, parents, hell even friends..like, it’s always been fluctuating. But not us, not you and me. And I know it might be kinda dumb..but I hope that doesn’t change. That we’re always there for each other and in each other’s lives.” 

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare listened carefully to his words and then followed his finger to Jessica Martin’s signature. She placed a hand on her heart and let herself finally cry, which she had been holding back for a significant amount of the night. She bowed her head, her pinned hair was starting to falter and fall in her face after all these hours of constraint. She didn’t exactly know what to expect when he had begged her to come to prom, but this certainly wasn’t it.

Surprisingly, this was the second crying girl he was consoling this week. But he could tell these were happier tears and with less of a chance of him getting hurt physically. “Hey..” He said as he pulled her into another hug with both arms, rubbing her back. Jake wanted to let her cry her eyes out and take the banner home of course, but she couldn’t do that with her face a mess. “I’m hoping those are ‘I can’t fit this in the limo’ tears..cause you deserve something nice like this. We love you Clare, I love you.” 

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare was in the middle of reading a note from one of her teacher’s when he moved in to hug her. She closed her eyes and let out a heavy sigh, enjoying him for a moment. She felt a bit at a loss when his warm body was pulled away from hers. She looked back at the banner, her eyes starting to well from the overwhelming emotions hitting her. She gave a series of energetic nods, covering her mouth with her palm. “You didn’t have to do this,” she finally found words, still in shock.

“You were saying that nobody cared about all the hard work you did for them. Or that nobody appreciated you. And Zig and me just wanted to show you that you’re wrong..for once, of course.” He boasted proudly, knowing that her need to be right was important to her. People may have had their issues and could be a bit self centered at times, he knew that first hand. But people loved Clare, even if they couldn’t show it as best they could. “So..yeah. You can like, take it home, show your mom. I know, but I’m sure she’ll think it’s cool. Cause my mom does.” He said as he pointed to his mother’s signature on the banner. 

[goodnightjcob]

clareedwardswrites‌:

Clare had swigged a few drinks by the time Jake had texted her. She furrowed her brow in confusion and then made her way to the room number. It took a little while, given the size of the hotel. She knocked on the door and checked to see if it was locked. “Jake?” she called out, peeking her head inside. She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She wrinkled her nose adorably with a goofy smile. “What’s this?” she asked, seeing the banner, but was reading it already.

Jake could tell she had had a few drinks already, unable to help the laugh that escaped his lips as he did as well as her reaction to the banner. Thankfully, it was doing the trick. “Surprise.” He spoke out, letting her admire the banner as he folded his arms. “Well, you know, I wanted to do something special for you. Me and Zig’s idea. We got friends, teachers, Simpson..a ton of people to sign it. We wanted you to see just how much people cared about you, and appreciated all the hard work you put in. Because..I know I did.” He smiled, opening his arms and hugging her side before pulling back. “So..you can see Tori’s, Zig’s, Becky’s..hell you can read em all! You like it?”

[goodnightjcob]

Jake had been working on this little surprise for her all week. A banner signed by a lot of her friends, the teachers, even Principal Simpson managed to get in on the signature party that was on display hanging up in front of him. It had been a rough yeah for the both of them, Clare especially, and he wanted something that helped her realize that what she had done this year in helping other students really meant something to other people. Grabbing his phone as he exited the room, he texted her to meet him by one of the hotel’s smaller dining rooms, waiting anxiously for her to arrive.

@clareedwardswrites

[goodnightjcob]

can you fuck clare already please god i’m begging

...

[goodnightjcob]

text to big brother 🧸️❤️️

jacinta: i hope you and katie have fun tonight, big bro. if anyone deserves to have a really good night, it's you.

jacinta: but if i don't get at /least/ one dance with my brother, i'll scream. 👼

jake: thanks, hope you and the gaggle have a great time too.

jake: no worries, I’ve got at least one dance for you.