Why does this banana taste funny...

No matter how much people despise us. No matter how much they mock us, we will not mind! However, to be unable to protect what is our duty to protect, only this kind of useless man, I absolutely refuse to be one of them! You can be suspicious of anyone except your own comrades. I believe in Sougo. I'm sure he must have a serious case of constipation. I believe this. Kondo Isao, Commander of that ragtag team of rowdy peace enforcers, the Shinsengumi. So if you wanna rustle up some trouble you're gonna have to go through us! Go take a dump, eat a banana and calm down, no need to make such a fuss, let's be friends! Zodiakos, camel hump fart

[beer-and-bullets]

Open(Repost)

[gorillatama-blog]

Mouse had the habit of getting to close to people. But in his mind, they asked for it. Mouse’s right mind, was typically people’s wrong minds. Though, that was all relative, good and bad. It was not even like Mouse could check with his boss, his boss who was a Shark.  Not like he ever finished the job that Shark designated to him, as he was ordered to do. He always just did what he had to do.

“Who is this, M*ckey Mouse? Does this mouse know about the clocks?  Does he know about, thee clocks? You got it wrong. I do not have a drinking problem. I have a drinking solution.  The solution is, to never stop drinking. Skillet, get more three dimensional beers.”r

With that Mouse’s squirrely companion rocketed off Mouse’s shoulder. And by rocketed, Skillet literally darted into the air, fire beneath his feet into the air, off to get Mouse a three dimensional beer.

“Mouse has never, met a lawyer. If they are cut throat and phallic shaped, I do not know them. I have never met anyone phallic shaped.  What is a Judge J*dy?  What is L*w and *rder? What in the bleep are you talking about?”

Skillet finally rocketed back with two three dimensional beers. The squirrel got one  beer for himself, and one for mouse.

“Oh, Hey Skillet…What you got there?”

Skillet gave Mouse a beer.

”Oh, it is a beer. You can me an expensive three dimensional beer.”

With that Mouse unscrewed the cap and put the bottle to his lip. He chugged it until It was empty.

“Good job Skillet, we still need more though.”

It was then Mouse noticed the man in front of him again.

‘I did not even know I had glory. How did you know that mouse had glory? Who is this M*cky? What is this san? Is it like sand?  I don’t want any sand. “

Mouse looked very confused. While his new appearance surprised him, he did not realize that some consider it wrong. But if it was how he was, how could it be wrong? Mouse was as he was.

“This is unfortunate for Mouse? What is this radiation?”

Background check on line one: Are there any restraining orders or personal space bubble reevaluations in the house? No? Well as long as Mouse's boss wasn't also known as Er*k L*n*her the shark then his quite literal lone shark or furry problems were out the proverbial window for the time being. 

But his dizzying companions' inquiries tugged at what would be a note of pity within Kondo's heart. His eyebrows puckered slightly with sympathy, his hand remaining on the mans' shoulder with a hint of a squeeze of comfort.

"You poor mous-...man...guy! You didn't grow up with him? I suppose in some ways you shan't be disillusioned much, or expect your prince charming to have blindingly white teeth and shoe fetishes, so that might be so bad....Girls should remember that a man looks good in uniform! Like firemen and cops and Ch*ppendale's dancers." It was important for children to have a decent handle of reality along with the magic and frilly knickers, wasn't it? "Clocks? One time he was late for a very important date, a job interview. Does that count?" 

Kondo watched with rapt wonder as the mousely companion darted off in search of alcohol apparently, and further apparently that statement said it all. Mouse must be combating the supervillain B*d W*ser, as well as a hefty bar tab. THAT was why he was on the run like this! Oh, the poor poor guy!

He made a flippant noise and waved his free hand dismissively. "Actually I don't think we've covered that yet, our court system is still debating a few things, like wrestling moves and different kinds of wigs, not to mention whether a DVD player is too expensive or if a VCR is just too classic to change. Finding parts is getting more and more difficult these days."  Thankfully the return of his questionable DUI retainer's (...did mice drive cars? Was that a thing? Kondo was curious) tiny companion changed the subject. And he had a beer.

"He doesn't even have thumbs, how did..." Eh, whatever. The fourth wall would brick that up. "No sand in your undies, not to worry, friend! There will be none of that on our set." Probably. Unless there was another stranded in turtle paradise arc. 

On to the long, drawn out, idiotic explanation. "When a gamma and a ray like each other very much, they do a thing like photosynthesis, but not in the red light district of some seedy place. Though that doesn't make it any less legal." 

[gorillatama-blog]

I've heard enough pitching and catching jokes from old puerto rican men to know where this is going [closed]

It seemed as though going through the motions for [weeks? months? forever? in matters of time constraints and the like, sometimes, if he was the brooding type, Kondo would have felt the panic and the anxiety seep in to the marrow of his very bones. Had it always been this way? Would it always remain this way? This isn't some kinda rose + 2 girls 1 anything kind of spell for a hairy guy with chompers via magic, y'know. He knew something was wrong, that it hadn't always been this way, it hadn't, it hadn't, no matter how much his own silence spread until he nearly forgot, something had to give! Right...?] all this time hadn't done enough to shake Kondo out of the few remaining character traits of his. Not to mention brushing his ass hair with 50 strokes every night never quite left his soul. 

Patrolling the city and getting beaten by grandmas and little kids alike was one thing, but on a calm (for Arcadios, anyway, there were no dinosaurs wrecking havoc in the streets so relatively peaceful) afternoon like this Kondo got the downright kooky, impulsive idea in his hairy head to waltz right over to the Village of Strength's infamous Pit O' Hard Knocking Balls, sketch out a modest and lopsided baseball diamond in the dirt with his shoe, and toss around the closest thing he could find to a baseball. Which turned out to be a coconut that grew into the shape of N*c C**e's face, or at least pree-teee damn close resemblance. It was equally a bummer and an honor, and Kondo wasn't holding back, for the star's likeness or possible reincarnation could take numerous blows to his career so what was a toss or two? 

Matter of fact, as he caught the nutty fru- veg-...pseudo sports gear barehanded for the countless time, he decided another test was in order. With a makeshift bat of some kind. N*c C**e could certainly take a few blows before the go, right? Right. This in mind he let his expressionless gaze flicker across the pit, gorilla eye out for any sort of random stick or pillar or Elder around to use as a bat. 

He wouldn't know what was going to hit him very soon if it came up and tore a chunk of  his ass hair out. Instincts honed as they were, he failed to catch the movement behind him of a familiar figure. Batter up.

[beer-and-bullets]

Open(Repost)

[beer-and-bullets]

Mouse’s body would most likely shut down if he were sober. He had been drunk since before he could remember. Between the alcohol abuse and the strange gap in his memory, he did not remember much. In his mind, the only drinking problem he could have was not being drunk enough. What did concern Mouse was how to acquire more beer. Yet, once again, he felt this feeling before; he felt the desire to know, to know what was going on in his life.  Why was everyone always trying to hide the truth from him? What was the truth?  Was there such thing as the truth? This was too much thought, too much sober.

 Mouse decided that this man would be the man to inform him. His un-mousey ears perked as her heard a foreign word, ‘lawyer.’

 “Lawyer? Is that a profession, like a businessman? I’ve met one of those before, a blind square business guy, he was all—rectangularly.  Hey Skillet, do you know what a lawyer is?”

The small squirrel jumped onto Fitz’ shoulder and screeched, which Mouse could interpreted  as a no.

“Yeah, me either. Wow Skillet, from this angle, you look all small.”

The mouse screeched once more.

“Whhhaatt? You are small?”

Things just got stranger and stranger for Mouse. Just as Mouse became larger and more humanoid, Skillet became more… small. Skillet was always squirrelly, but not, this squirrelly. Mouse realized that this man seemed to not understand what he meant when he said two dimensional or three dimensional…or dimensionally at all.

“Hold on, let me get a picture. A picture, that is in my pocket.”

Mouse took out his wallet, and showed the man a picture of Mouse and his squirrely friend. It was clearly a lot different.

“This is what I look like, right? I’m just drunk into three-dimensionalism? Well, I did drink expensive beers. “

Clocks, mouse knew clocks. And clocks, they knew mouse. When the man said he was ‘testing the urine consistency,’ there was only one way for mouse to respond.

“No, you can’t do that.”

[gorillatama-blog]

As he tapped off the last few drops and tucked himself back into his pants  with a wary hiss of breath and a prayer that he didn't get some of the skin caught again, the cleansing of his hands the last thing on his mind, Kondo swiveled around and stared as the confusing man went around and around in hard to follow thoughts and then when he began to talk to the mouse upon his person the old Kondo would have lost it. 

"I didn't know they had M*cky in other worlds! And that he had friends over the age of twelve and had a drinking problem..." Was actually the only thing he could come up with on such short and cramped notice but ah, it'll do. (That and pointing, slightly wide eyed, but whatev). "Though I think lawyers are described as more sly and slimy and phallic shaped, as I've heard. They're extremely smart and cut throat as well.Yes, I'm sure you've met one or two during Judge J*dy marathons- wait no she just talks smack, there are no lawyers...during L*w and *rder, then, that's it." Being the gullible and trusting sort he was, Kondo naturally had very few fears of this strange stranger being involved on the wrong side of the justice system personally. Even if he was talking to him about his pee, that didn't make him a bad guy.

Strange for Mouse? Think about Kondo's poor soul, and weenie! It was going to take at least a week of suppressed memories to get rid of this awkward moment. But when the other man showed him the picture, a very different outlook on life indeed, Kondo began to wonder if maybe cracking down on alcohol consumption was a lot more important than people originally thought. If they weren't careful, suit types and white tie affairs who sought the release of stress and manly bonding over a drink could lose their 2.7 D dimension and go through the same struggles this poor bastard was subjected to. 

This in mind, Kondo nodded, idea secured, and clasped Mouse' shoulder, concern in his heart though it didn't betray the blank slate of his face. "We'll find a way to restore you to your former glory, M*cky-san. Don't worry. There must be a way to change the beer formula to not have such unfortunate effects! Perhaps someone spiked it with gamma radiation?" Frat boys were getting rowdier and rowdier these days, tsk tsk.

[anpandemonium-deactivated201301]

AH--?! [Intro/Open]

Yamazaki had woken in a new, strange place. He had no idea where in the world he was; There was no way it was Edo. The spy looked around, dazed and confused, scratching the back of his neck.

Eh? No one was around, where were they? Was he the only one there? Yamazaki started to panic, this is bad, the last thing he remembered was being beaten unconscious by Hijikata. Maybe that’s why he’s there. Maybe this place was heaven, he thought laughing nervously. But wait, what if it’s Hell instead? What if he was condemned to an eternity of loneliness? He has escaped death far too many times, and this was his punishment!

No no no, this really couldn’t be happening. He had so much to live for! He had his little groupie of badminton boys and his posse of Kabaddi players to take care of! He had the Shinsengumi to work with and and—-

Yamazaki yelled, shutting up afterwards. He couldn’t afford to stay in this one spot to die, he would have to look around for answers. So, he stood and brushed off some dust, walking away from his original position yelling,

“Hellooooo!? Am I the only one here, please say no!”

[gorillatama-blog]

Someone here is lucky in this situation but for the life of me I can't figure out which one of them it is. Maybe 'Zaki's because for once he hadn't caught Kondo brown handed....with very limited TP.

SUDDENLY because all of these things happen suddenly when peoples' pants are down or they're having their tea breaks and doing more important things than comforting wayward comrades over weenies and noodles- suddenly a familiar hysteric cry caught Kondo's attention, his head snapping in the direction of the voice so fast his hair got whiplash.

Feet carrying him quickly, heart flutter- wait no that's not quite right- heart sputtering excitedly in his chest, Kondo would have been seized with joy and maybe a bit of windedness because wow was he out of shape- nononono he can't be, no no no he is still a muscle-y hairy contender. 

The moment he saw his comrade he saddled up to him, nodded, and clapped the other heartily on the back. "Zaki! You shorts hoarder, welcome back! It's been awhile since I last saw you, I believe it was when you and I staged that pants-ing entertainment and ended up getting beaten by angry mothers...." He trailed off awkwardly, still betraying nary a flicker of a smile. "I'd give that entrance scene a four out of ten though, that wasn't very flashy. You need more pep and sequins." Deep deep deep in there, balls deep, Kondo truly was glad to see a familiar face.

[beer-and-bullets]

Open(Repost)

[beer-and-bullets]

Upon discovering the urinating man, Mouse slowly stood up and staggered towards him. It was difficult to walk in three dimensions. Was it the newly added dimension, or just the beer? Either way, it proved difficult to walk. Mouse might have been drunk, but he was certainly not drunk enough.

“You have it handled? With your hands? I have two hands. Two hands, three dimensions. Look at them. See them. Do you see them?”

Mouse flexed his fingers in front of the man’s face, taking the time to crack every knuckle as his new acquaintance continued to urinate.  The experience was strange; he had never felt a joint crack before.

“You lean to the right? That seems very two-dimensional. I lean to the east. Well, the east by northeast. It is generally a direction such as this,” Mouse leaned in the direction of east by northeast. “Are you two-dimensional? I used to be two-dimensional. Two-dimensional… like you.”

Mouse’s ears perked up at the word “bar”. His ears could still perk up, despite no longer being a mouse. He had, somehow, become a man. Well, a mouse-man. A man who was once a mouse, but was now a mouse-man.

“So this is not a bar? Good. That means I don’t have to pay for this beer. Is this, perhaps, the restroom, then? I… couldn’t help but notice… you were urinating. Is there a line for this restroom? I don’t need to go myself, at least not yet. But, I noticed you have been urinating for quite some time. Perhaps, by the time you are done, I shall need to go as well. I’ll get in line.”

With that, Mouse stood directly behind the urinating man.

[gorillatama-blog]

Kondo could only blink owlishly at the deets waved across his line of vision, brow furrowing slightly, the only echo of the discomfort that was missing.  The man must have been completely pissed, maybe even under a different influence if he was surprised by his hands....unless he was some sort of zombie or something and he thought he'd lost his hands but then they were really attached, like say when someone thinks they lose their glasses and they're on their heads or when he loses his sword or pants sometimes! 

H-he didn't...seem like a bad zombie, Kondo deduced. Just a tad disoriented, and the alcohol wasn't doing him any favors (though he had to wonder about the rate of cells deteriorating and rot and alcohol's chemical affects to those kinds of things) so he must have been hella confused. Thankfully he had his sword, just his case.

Uh, no the other one not the pork-...yeah.

"Really? You must be a lawyer then, because I hear that's the way their swords lean, east like east side baking and armani suits and all. Because that's where they get them from." Kondo's eyebrows rose at the next line of seemingly lucid questioning and a hand rose to scratch at his chin thoughtfully.

"3-D is way too expensive for our show and the writers spend so much time crying onto the story boards that yes, we're more like....2.5 D! Maybe 2.3." Moving past the debate between the many D's, the lack of triple D's and the rumored cash stash of '02, Kondo finally broke himself from his thoughts as his tinkling began to become sporadic and....this strange man was crowding him, physically and spiritually and peefully, with his confusing words and sudden appearance at Kondo's behind. Calm down Isao, it's ok-...well you're already calm. Just breathe. Through your mouth. Shallowly.

"No, I'm afraid this isn't a bar nor is it a restroom I was merely uh...testing the urine consistency in these parts of the city, I'm on the clock so....if you feel nature tugging at your banana you might wanna find one. Oh and don't obstruct justice." Finally, FINALLY the last few drops of pee had fallen. It'd probably been startled out of him in distress. Stress is bad for you.

[beer-and-bullets]

Open(Repost)

It was normal for Mouse to wake up in a drunken daze. Actually, scratch that; it was normal for Mouse to be in a drunken daze. He looked from side to side. It appeared he was in an alleyway.  But it was a bit strange… well, strange for Mouse. The world was all three dimensional.  Mouse lifted up his right hand, only to find a bottle of beer in it.

“Hey…look at what I found…”

Mouse placed the beer against his lips a chugged it down.  He sighed peacefully and leaned back against the wall. All of a sudden, he heard the familiar sound of, “EEEE EEE EEE EEE EEE EEE.”

“Oh Skillet, what is up?”

The Squirrel responded, “EEE EEE EE EEE EEE E.”

“You are in an alleyway?”

Once again the squirrel responded with, “EEEE EE EEE EE”

“You are in this alleyway? Me too. Is this world… Is the world is all three dimensionally?”

“Eee Ee Eee

“You mean I’m all three dimensionally?’

Mouse looked down at his hands. Where once there were just thick lines, now there was an actual, human hand. He flexed his fingers for a while, staring down perplexed. Finally, he grabbed his beer and finished it off, hurling the bottle at the ground and watching it shatter.

“C’mon, Skillet, let’s find out where we are.”

Skillet answered with his usual screeching.

“But first, let’s find out where we can get some more of these three dimensional beers.”

Mouse heard a sound behind him, and looked towards the person making the sound.

“Can I help you?”

[gorillatama-blog]

These past few weeks had been a bummer- is what Kondo would register if he COULD register much emotion aside from mechanically going through the motions of his daily routine. The regular Kondo would miss it; his own obnoxious laughter, the warm feeling he got in his chest when he got an old grandma out of a tree, unharmed, and didn't even get bashed in the face with her purse, the sensation of peeing for about five minutes in blissful, empty relief. He'd miss these things....if he could. But he was about as empty as the men's restroom during the first kickoff, where even the stragglers that piss sitting down don't haunt the restroom in their own privacy. That wasn't patriotic ok. 

Speaking of bathroom privileges; through the haze of confusion and the blank slate he had become, he still felt a...maybe not a need but a automatic response to do his rounds around the city. And during one of these rounds, nature called. Who was he to ignore that? His embarrassment of wet pants had been nuked, sure, but it wasn't very sufficient or normal to walk around like that, thus, when no nearby establishment would let him use their facilities since banning him from the LAST incident (don't ask........), Kondo decided to duck into a nearby alley and whip it out. He was semi-technically the police and no children were around so there was no harm done, plus fertilizer for the concrete.

As he rocked on his heels and let nature take its course he finally noticed squeaking sounds that didn't come from his crotch, thank god (because honestly there's only so much a blank husk could take, problems with his pork sword would be the icing on the cake, you aren't that old Isao, calm d-...nevermind.) and spotted the man partaking in a drink across from his pee spot. 

Oh.

Watching as the glass shattered in slow motion, flow never ceasing, brow betraying nary a furrow of distaste, Kondo shook his head. "No thank you, I've got it handled in my han-, I've got it under contro-...I totally lean to the right like the intellig- I'd rather you didn't. With this. Though...you do realize this isn't a bar, right?" He'd be eyeballing the other man if he could, forreal. Or sputtering in embarrassment. 

[pirateisle-blog]

It's not graffiti, swear!

[pirateisle-blog]

Crow was genuinely stunned that this man hadn’t gotten pissed at his rude behavior. More than that? He was kind of insulted—albeit slightly impressed—because he was trying to get a rise out of him. What a dense character this fellow had…

Though when his talent as an artist was insulted, he just shrugged, already deciding that this man was too dim to realize they were on a fucking island with no continents. Even though Crow never had any proper education, he at least knew that much. What he lacked in schooling, he made up for in book knowledge—contrary to popular belief.

❝…Carnival?❞ Weren’t those like moving amusement parks… that worked? Weren’t they akin to circuses? The childish sparkle in those emerald feline eyes grew as he thought what being in one would be like. Not only could he be an acrobat, but he could swipe junk from all the visitors! It’d be exactly what he’s doing now, but he’d be getting paid for it. 

❝That don’t sound too bad, old man. Too bad there ain’t such a thing here, ya know? Plus back “home” everyone was kinda… lifeless.❞ he said with a dark, dry chuckle at his own choice of words. ❝I’ve never seen one of ‘em, ‘cept in books.❞ Though he would never object to joining one if such a thing were to be established in Arcadios.

Again… the human caught him off guard as he agreed to play. No one ever accepted the android’s offers, and he usually resorting to stealing to coerce them. In other words; the boy only knew how to play his own dangerous version of ‘keep away’. ❝Y’er really dim, ya know? I could be trickin’ ya right now. Blind trust just makes ya stupid.❞ Oh well, if the man wanted to have faith in their deal that was fine, as long as Crow could get some entertainment out of it. 

❝Tag would be the only thing I know how ta play outta all y’er options.❞ Soon a smug grin took over his features, dainty hands placing themselves on his hips. ❝Ya think ya’d be able to catch me? If I win, ya gimme y’er belt buckle—droopy pants or not.❞ 

[gorillatama-blog]

Kondo positively BEAMED at the youths seemingly renewed interest for channeling his feelings into more positive aspects of art and entertainment. He was THIS close to either a most embarrassing victory dance for the entire universe or a job well done pat on the back. He was ready to patiently explain what he meant, feeling slightly sorry for the young man for apparently never experiencing this kind of fun coupled with the promise he silently made to the both of them that he would make this happen some day and show him this kind of fun! "They're loads of fun! With lights and music and people dressing up nice and delicious food and super fun games (No not Donkey Kong but almost as fun, plus there aren't any rude crocodiles trying to belly flop you) and ahhhn the romantic atmosphere~!"

He tittered off with a dreamy look on his face, his hands pressed together as a dream sequence flickered through his head where he FINALLY won the fucking goldfish game and got one for Otae-san and-...give him a minute. When his eyes cease clouding over he eyeballed the youth once more and continued, a look of determination steeling his features, he was the very picture of a leader. "I'm going to show you some day. I've decided. Either we'll set one up somehow, or when there's a festival of some kind here, I'll show you! It's a promise. Everyone should experience it at least once, and this way you'll have a really cool memory to bring back when you go home." 

Was he dense and every other grumble-y and baffled word Crow could think of to describe him? Yeeeeeeeeeeep! He didn't get it and he probably wouldn't, all he could see is a kid that wanted some fun.  Without missing a beat (and only spending about five minutes sweating the 'old man' comment) Kondo plowed ahead, a soft, bemused quirk at his lips. "Trick me? No way, you wouldn't do that. You just want someone to play with, that's all. I wouldn't say it's blind, trust is important in making friends. Plus, people tend to surprise you for the better." He placed his hands on his own hips in turn, matching Crow's grin, and nodded. "I didn't suffer- I mean triumph through years of academy training just to sit around eating donuts, y'know. I'll catch you. But if I win you have to keep your promise." 

[killerliner]

A Hero Arrives! (Intro and Open)

[killerliner]

[The gorilla-man continued to surprise and interest our Hero. Strange words and even stranger expressions were shown by him, and it made it just that much harder to know just who or what he really was. Oh, but regardless of all of that, he was still just a simple, gorilla-man. No change from that. No change at all. And so our Hero’s snickering had sounded once again as her tumultuous mind had soon gotten over the effects of her special medicine. Stronger medicine was needed. A visit with that man that signaled neon-colored bunny girls was noted in our Hero’s mind.] “Heh, pretty fuckin’ good medicine, amirite? Ya won’t be findin’ any o’ this shit at yer fuckin’ pharmacy aisle, ‘r whatever.” [Not hairy? NOT HAIRY? This gorilla-man was more than just hairy to our Panda Hero! He was a gorilla-man, after all.] “An’ o’ course yer fuckin’ hairy, man. Like I’m watchin’ the nature channel right i’ front of me, heh heh… An’ I think it’s camels that got those hump things. Fuckin’ ugly animal…” [Oh, but at least the gorilla-man’s own “humps” were feeling better after that intense baseball practice session. That medicine proved to be an amazing panacea for all kinds of pain! The Panda Hero herself rolled her eyes at the gorilla-man’s comment, not taking any sort of interest in those “humps” of the gorilla-man.]

[But, what’s this? A name? A name given to the gorilla-man? What a shame; our Hero was getting quite used to that name she had made for him… Being a god wasn’t easy, what with having to constantly keep a track of all of the names of her servants and such. Tiring work. Exhausting, even for a Godly Panda Hero. A scratch of her ear and a cough at this little slip from our Hero.] “Uh, yeah… ‘Course I knew yer name, bu’ it jus’ made more sense ta call ya by yer, uh… Yer name that everyone up there i’ heaven has for ya! See, all those shitheads upstairs an’ me gave that name of Gorilla-Man after watchin’ ya for so long. Pretty awesome, huh?” [A perfect cover, Panda Hero! No one would be able to detect such a well-thought excuse for your blunder! A Hero needed to be quick with her wits when thinking of how to avoid those rude men in uniform with their loud cars and sirens.]

[Gorilla-Man had such a good way at flattering our Hero, as he should do with his god. But, the Panda Hero expressed her embarrassment with compliments in a much more direct way. This usually involved a lovely and gracious punch of her gloved fist against the stomach of her flatterer. And so, Gorilla-Man was met with that show of beautiful and feminine embarrassment right in his gut, whereupon our Hero then retracted her fist and crossed her arms.] “Tch, ‘course I’m fuckin’ funny. AND I’ve gotta pretty sweet fashion sense like ya said earlier, heh… All part o’ the job, I tell ya.” [And what was this mentioned earlier about Gorilla-Man thinking our Hero as god would have the body of a lake monster? Oh no no, he must have been thinking about the other god. The one that swam across the seas around Saturn. But impatience had swept across the Panda Hero, what with those tapping of her fingers on those crossed arms of hers.] “A’yway… I’m still pretty pissed that I somehow got sent to a shit-hole like this. Seriously, me, god, gettin’ placed here! An’ ya know what, yer gonna have ta help me find a way outta here eventually. Orders from above an’ all that shit. Heh, but I’ve gotta admit… I’m thinkin’ that I could get kinda used ta this place. ‘Haven’t any real kinda ‘practice’ with my swingin’ in a while, so i’ could get pretty fun, know what I mean?” [Now that she thought of it, our Hero had wanted to ask Gorilla-Man something. Arms still crossed but with an upward tilt of that sharp chin of hers, our Hero’s eyes almost seemed to glow at that poor, poor Gorilla-Man.] “Hey, ya like baseball, right? ‘Got some experience swingin’ around a bat an’ stealin’ the shit out of bases, yeah?” [You aren’t thinking of wanting to start your own team, are you, Panda Hero? No, teams have never been your style, have they?]

[gorillatama-blog]

Kondo spent a few more moments coughing and gagging on the stuff in slight distress, even as far as to go cross eyed in an attempt to look at the remaining powder left on the tip of his tongue, but when it was apparent he wasn't going to break out into hives or exhibit toxic gas he was content to merely shrug it off and relish in the brief relief. "This is true, that didn't taste like any child proof icky grape flavored medicine, afterall! I wouldn't even run from my men and hide on the toilet if this was a flu remedy, heh!" Have a bright, pleased grin at this revelation. Maybe he'd look into that the next time he got sick and had to barricade himself in places- not because he's a big ass baby with medicine ok but it's...the opportune time; if there isn't enough resisting how DO you know the medicine will work just as well!? YOU DONT THAT'S WHY. 

Kondo's lips quirk into a bit of a pout at that. Good job. "I-I am not- I AM NOT THAT HAIRY! YOU KNOW...WHERE IT...IS...THE GREAT PUFF PUFF FOREST BELOW YOU KNOW IT'S NOT...EVERYWHERE! And at least not on my nipples or they say you have a terrible chance of becoming a gorilla wolf if you have some there....so I've got just the normal amount of hair! And humps! Camels and I flaunt our hump and hair perfectly, our curves, curves!" Eccentric gesturing and a pout to rival the heavens, hope shining in his bright poop brown eyes, that is how people win scientific debates like this, right? 

His brow lowered slightly in concern at the movement to cover up her lack of ominous knowledge, was she getting si- COULD GODS EVEN GET SICK? Probably a frog in her throat, possibly that whole plague- Nononono Kondo, she's a fashionable god, frogs won't be fashionable for another twenty years OH. She was covering up a fart, wasn't she? Kondo coughed along, perfecting understanding, and grinned. "That's my Christian given name?! Really? Whoa, that's more scientific than I thought! Waaaay better than Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla which is what I'm listed as in the B*ngo book. That makes me really happy. I hope you didn't get bored watching me up there, I think I put on at least a decent show!" Oblivious grin is a-go! He even pounded a proud fist lightly against his chest. All that's needed is the loincl- ...no.

Annnd another fit of violence wrenches a strangled cough to leave Kondo's lips as the wind is knocked out of him and he stumbled slightly before catching himself, then winced weakly at this God; he was in pain but strangely amused to see this pleasant side to a deity. "In another twenty years you'll start the frog wearing trend," he agreed. "Mmm, I know what you mean. It's a....strange and sometimes tricky place but there are quite a few remarkable people here, and there's always something to do! It's a little hairy to do my duty here and I definitely don't get paid but...I think it'll pay off, protecting these good people." D'aaaaaw Kondo...."Of course I'll help you! I'm happy to help whoever needs me, be they God or mouse or even roach alien. I'll do my best to make this transition from a higher plane as easy as possible for you. I'm not too great at giving shoulder massages so you'll have to find someone else for that, but everything else, I'm your man!" 

W-wait practice her swing on his head again? Shit, maybe this wasn't....welllll there was no need to harm the messenger so it'll be alright. Hopefully. That aside, Kondo's head tilted with interest. "Yes, I love baseball! I haven't played in quite some time since I have work and that comes first, but I did go to games whenever I could." Like those tickets he got that one time for that one date that could never be...."If you want some secret techniques I'm not sure it's in my contract to give 'em out....maybe when you and your team are about to get kicked out of the F**tball Frontier because you don't have a coach then I'll give you my notes but...what do you have in mind?" 

[anitnelav-deactivated20151005]

[whitewildmajesty-blog]

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (or not) [Intro/Open]

[whitewildmajesty-blog]

Amaterasu just stared. This male was quite the extravagant one, she was more amused than anything by him. Ancient Nippon had its fair share of odd individuals, but this guy would certainly stick in her immortal mind for centuries to come.

She wasn’t able to focus on long conversations, and she found her thoughts drifting. If things continued, she’d be about to fall asleep mid-chat, as she always did, when things exceeded her rather short attention span. Such an odd attribute for a Goddess.

The question snapped her out of her thoughts.

Go with him? A good idea. She recalled where his hands had been, but she gingerly placed one white paw in his hand, wagging her tail and barking once more.

[gorillatama-blog]

When she plopped her paw right into his hand for a shake Kondo wasn't just thrilled and baffled and all that. He was ecstatic! Laughing and beaming with a thousand watt smile he vigorously shook her paw in his own gorillapaw, clearly delighted by such a smart and friendly young lady dog! Maybe she had been trained for space like his peopl- er, the little monkeys had been, and could understand such things! 

So there really is an excuse for the excited oohing and aaahing noises frothing from Kondo's big fat mouth. MAYBE SHE'S EVEN THE MISSING LINK BETWEEN HUMANS, WOLVES AND THE CHUPACABRA?! WHOA! If only he knew there was no such link...Too bad he probably babbled just as much aloud as well.

Regardless, after way too long of a time shaking her paw in wonder, he released her and clicked his heels together, waving towards a nearby path. "Well, shall we? After you, m'lady." Ladies first, not to mention she'd at least warn him of danger before they had to defend themselves, right? Not that he can't! She...just...instinct...fur...y'know! She can sense better than his asshair ever could.

[pirateisle-blog]

It's not graffiti, swear!

[pirateisle-blog]

This guy… looked really stupid. Crow only listened to about one minute of the guy’s lecture—if you could even call it that—before showing obvious signs of boredom. His lazy gaze left the brunette and fell to the cans of paint below him, and then the brush in his hand. ”Ya talk too much,” he said dryly before flicking the wet paint on the brush onto the other’s face. Well, who knew someone could look substantially smarter with a bit of makeup?

“Well ain’t ya the next Sherlock Holmes?” Oh look, comparing someone to a book character. He was quite the well-read robot, after all. Ain’t that swell? “If you couldn’t tell it was me from the paint cansright at my feet I’d need ya to go get some glasses. Maybe a new brain?” Could humans even switch out brains like broken circuits? Well, hopefully for this ape it would be possible.

” ‘Course ya found me because the damned clues were directions!” he dropped the item he clutched to the floor and stood up on the stump, placing his gloved hands onto his hips. “If I wanted to find someplace else, I would’a done it. I think I found plenty of places to spread my art ‘round though.” A cheeky grin and he jumped from the pseudo pedestal he was on. With a cartwheel he was about a foot from the ‘detective’. 

For a moment he looked confused as the guy went on to talk about bloomers and some girl he knew. Really, what the hell? Not only did the guy look stupid, but he was stupid! Crow had no fondness for art or architecture, he just liked to play games. 

The AI stuck out his hand to the human, jerking it a few times to exaggerate his gesture. “Gimme somethin’ shiny and I’ll think ‘bout not paintin’ the buildings anymore.” Of course, that was a bold faced lie, but who could tell when the person you’re talking to is a cocky ‘bot with an expert poker face? “Or…” he paused, standing on his tip toes and leaning in closer. “Play with me and I’ll stop.”—for now, of course.

The next time he got bored? Expect to see even bigger words written across the buildings. Perhaps he’d even purchase some red paint and make the words like ‘idiot’ and ‘pea brain’ stand out even more…

[gorillatama-blog]

"And if you'd like, I could show you how to paint a cheat Resurrection code if you stop- FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!" Yeah that's the sound a person's flapping tongue and pinched lips make when meeting head-on with the toxic texture of paint brush bristles and the chalky paint itself. Taking a moment to drag a palm across his mouth, smearing the paint everywhere in the process, Kondo then realized this was no simple case of acting out on a whim of expressive letting off steam. This might be the elusive....delinquent.  DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN went a helpful tune in Kondo's head.

This in mind, Kondo wiped at the paint with the back of his hand, smearing it allll the fuck over, and changed his strategy a little. "You really think so? I'd look pretty snazzy in the coat and the hat, I've gotta agree. I could definitely learn a lot from him too, you can never have too much style! Or attention to acronyms, whatever those are. Sounds like a type of salad dressing actually..." A shrug and a good natured chuckle, it was water under the bridge. Speaking of, he ignored the jab at his intelligence as he always seems to do and cocked his hands on his hips. A knowing smile blossomed on his face. Brace yourself.

"I think your geological map drawing technique needs some new strokes, maybe a continent looking shape or two, but I won't fault you for that! I got here and that's what's important." As he spoke the youth moved and vaulted into an impressive display of energy and skill, leaving Kondo beaming. "What's stopping you from putting your art and obvious acrobatic skills to other uses? Like a carnival or something? Or put on a different kind of show?" Obviously the kid WANTED the attention, to be seen and praised, these were GREAT ideas! Great fun and wholesome family fun ideas! 

Upon those next words Kondo blinked in puzzlement. Both options seemed harmless enough, the kid was just bored and it wasn't like he had pressing issues to deal with right now. Something shiny, he was a bit like a parrot, collecting shiny things, wasn't he? Collecting things was another wonderful way to stay out of trouble! "Hmm, the only shiny thing I have is my pants buckle and I can't give you that or my pants will fall down..." Scratching his chin, he decided with a smile. "Alright, what do you want to play? Kick the can? Sticks? Tag? I'm pretty good at charades myself. It's a deal!"

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Death by cake.

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

I’m not alright..I just poisoned you, you idiot! She screeched in her mind, but to make sure that Kondo wasn’t worried, she merely gave a nod of her head. Rubbing her neck, she shrugged weakly. “Haru hasn’t baked in a long time..Not after she came to Arcadios. But she was able to bake something today.” What a poor unfortunate fate that he would have to be her cake tester to something deadly.

Haru knew that she should of felt guilty - She was in fact, but Kondo’s way of talking and how overdramatic he acted, despite just eating something filled with poison, caused her lips to twitch up a little. How she was feeling right now, went away - If only for a little bit. “I-I guess so..”

Fingers reached up to fix the scarf around her neck when she realized it was falling down. She didn’t want the collar to be exposed to him, but considering how bulgy the scarf looked - he would probably have a hint as to what was beneath it. “Uhm..my name is Haru Miura.” She wasn’t sure why she was introducing herself to him, since he would die soon enough, but she felt like that was something she needed to do.

[gorillatama-blog]

Kondo blinked owlishly and tried to slow his breathing, attempting to draw deeper breaths into his lungs but they stuttered with the effort and the wheezing of warning bubbled past his lips. But, but he didn't want to worry Haru. It was probably just the sudden increase in temperature around them or...or the fact that he hadn't taken a dump in like two days, yeah, that was it! That was exactly why he couldn't catch his breath and his whole body felt like it was on fire and his heart was running a marathon and threatening to burst from his chest! That was exactly it. It wasn't like he was panicking, oh no, he was too thickheaded to do something like that. Yes it was disconcerting but he pegged it all off on stress and the like. When was the last time he had a vacation? After all, Kondo was in perfect shape, there was no reason to be worried, y'know with people dying and killing all around him. None whatsoever. 

Vision swimming, heart pounding, Kondo lifted one trembling hand to make more enthusiastic hand gestures, slow, quivering and weak at Haru's statement. He had a point to make, dammit! There was no time for feeling short of breath and cotton mouth'd. Maybe he should have read the label on that prescription again..

"Oh r-really? That's....that's a shame. But hey, y'know if....if you start b-baking more little by lit...tle...an eventually sell some? Or at.....least.....advertise and share with your frie...nds? Today is just.....just a start! I'm glad I cou...ld be a part....of it!" He offered her a weak grin and a thumbs up like the total dork he was, and, hit by a sudden more severe wave of dizziness, he started to slowly lower himself onto his back, it was as much as he could do without completely collapsing. He was in agony and he could barely breathe but to see a twitch of a smile on the girls' lips made it a little less unbearable. 

"I'm goin....g to lay down f-for a bit, Haru-chan, was it? I hope....you...d-don't mind. I sud....denly feel really...really tired..it was your cake, I bet. Warm and h-homely cooking does that, food is the gateway to....a man's hairy soul, y'know. I'm....Kondo Isao. Nice....to meet you...." By that time he was gasping and gurgling for air, his face ashen and his heart stuttering to maintain enough oxygen in 

From his vantage point on the ground he could see a hint of something shiny and bulging beneath her scarf but he couldn't exactly summon up the energy to investigate or even remember the whole kill or be killed spheel. What kids liked to do with their free time and money wasn't any of his business, fetishes were relative! And as long as they weren't hurting anyone self expression was a beautiful thing. So what if she was in a kinky leather collar group or something? Oh well~! 

"Hey...Ha....ru....chan? If you...n-need an escort back...t-to your place...I'll protect....you. I am a cop...afterall...it's our duty to....protect those....in...need..." His arm moved slowly, shakily, weakly to raise and his cake smeared fingers don't quite have the strength to form a fist but his thumb pops up in another dorky thumbs up, his face muscles not quite twitching into a full and what he hoped was a reassuring grin as his head lolled to one side in order to fix her with his gaze. Protect....protect the innocent that was....that....important, he had to....protect. Kondo's mind flickered to nonessential thoughts like, did he put on clean underwear today or...give 'Zaki that one pointer about the screwdriver? It was getting so hard to focus and the conscious part of himself felt a little bad for being so rude to Haru. The idiot part. Majority rule.

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Death by cake.

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Haru didn’t realize until a minute that her fingers had been clutching onto her scarf, where the collar was hidden as he took the first bite. She let out a shaky sigh, staring at his form. Haru had no idea of how poison actually worked, so she supposed it would take more longer for it to course through his bloodstream? A bit of guilt hit at her suddenly, fingers clutching onto the hanky that Kondo had given her.

—No, NO. She would not feel ashamed. She knew that deceiving this man had been the right thing to do. It was for her own benefit - Her life. She had to remind herself over and over that this was the only way to survive. Once Kondo died, then the collar around her neck would unlock.

Considering this place was Arcadios, he would most likely be brought back to life. (she hoped so, anyways) “I-It’s good, isn’t it? Haru took lots of time to make it!” The brunette started to make casual conversation, heart racing within her chest. She was anticipating what would happen to him. Would he die swiftly? Would it be agonizingly slow? Or would he loose air? Her fingers continued to stroke the collar hidden beneath her scarf, swallowing back some words that had been on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say “I’m sorry.” but couldn’t bring herself to do it. So instead, Haru gave Kondo a rather sad smile.

Well, at least he had the chance to eat something before the poison grabbed a hold. That was good, right? “T-Thank you for eating Haru’s cake.” She gave a sincere bow from her sitting position, holding back a sudden wave of tears. She wasn’t sure if they would be for herself, or for him, but if anything, she would show him the gratitude that he deserved.

[gorillatama-blog]

He heard the sigh and saw the nervous movement she made and, as he finished another mouthful he nodded curiously towards her. "You alright? You don't have to worry so much your," he paused, a curious, dry cough tumbling from his lips and spraying crumbs everywhere. "Your cake is truly superb in taste! Why, I haven't had a cake so light and fluffy and sweet in quite some time!" It was true enough, the cake wasn't terrible but it might be clear to see that Kondo was having a hard time finishing it. It was bitter. And the more handfuls he stuck in his craw the dizzier he got, wave after wave sending him reeling in his seat. And it was like he couldn't seize enough air into his lungs with ever deep inhale of his nostrils. It was strange...but that wasn't important right now! 

What was important was getting a smile out of this girl and finishing up this cake redemption. He COULD be useful! The sad smile she gave him made his heart clench. Or maybe it was just the speed at which his pulse was beginning to pick up. And it had little to do with touch-y feel-y's. "Thank you for letting me have such a yummy way to apologize. You must do lots of baking in your free time, hmm? Do your friends have the honor of being taste testers normally?" 

"I bet they fight over it and go NO HARU, I WILL CLIMB THE ROOF IN ORDER TO GET YOUR SWEETS! Or NO HARU I WILL HANG FROM MY UNDERWEAR ON THE FLAGPOLE UNLESS I CAN GET SOME OF YOUR BAKED GOODS! It's hard being so popular, but its really nice to be so desired by all your friends. It's rarely lonely, or boring."  His rant is accompanied by exciting cake laced hand gestures and voice changes, it's truly a sight to behold.

[iwantbrisingr]

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Death by cake.

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Fingers were currently pressed over her mouth to stifle any more sounds of sobbing, but when the hanky was outstretched to her, she stared at it. She reached over and took it, wiping her face clean. His words caused her to pause, eyes still staring at the mess of a cake on the floor. That’s right. If he was willing to do anything to make it up to her, then he could still eat the cake and that meant that he would die, and she wouldn’t! It was perfect.

Trying to make herself as presentable as possible, Haru let the hanky settle over her thigh, lips pursed. “You said you would do anything, right?” She started, eyes staring at the adult seriously. “..Then eat it.” She stated, while pointing at what was remaining of her baked food. “Eat Haru’s cake. If you do that, she will be very happy.” A part of Haru was anticipating his answer, almost waiting with bated breath. The female wouldn’t know what to do if he refused - but he seemed so guilty and sincere with his words, that she was sure he wouldn’t back down. 

He just had to do it.

For her sake, if anything else.

[gorillatama-blog]

Once she had taken his hanky and began to clean her face Kondo patted her on the back gently and let her have the rest of her cry; for the events that were unfolding now, for her cake, for the ants that would enjoy her cake very soon. At least someone could be happy within all of this. Kondo actually buttoned up his lip and let silence wash over the two of them which didn't exactly remain for long, what, with the shrieking and stomping around, but a moment of silence for the cake was respectful, and if Kondo Isao was anything he was certainly respectful for a funeral. At least until his legs fell asleep and the monk's wig was brutalized. Thankfully there wasn't a monk in sight so that rerun would most likely not occur.

Kondo was in the middle of giving the Stink Eye to the first wave of curious ants raring for the sweet deadly treat when Haru's voice jolted him out of his intimidation practice. "Hmm? Yes, I'll make it up to you in any way I can. But I can't marry you. I can tell you are a charming young lady but I-I'm already spoken for." He trailed off, fidgeting and blushing slightly by just  speaking the words aloud.

Speaking of his beloved monster of a woman, while he missed her terribly Kondo felt it was probably best she wasn't here to see such brutal tactics. He certainly would have died for her, and then who would protect her? That would have scarred her for life and he just couldn't have that. Protecting the city and its inhabitants was hard enough like this. She was safe, and happy back home, that's what mattered. Even if....

Haru's intense brown gaze held his own as she made the contract her demand. She still wanted him to eat the ground bound cake spirit? "Really? I thought you would deem me a cake murderer and banish me from your cakes for all eternity for sure...but if this would make you happy then sure!" Honestly, how the HELL could he say no after those waterworks and the eager face and bright eyes she was giving him right now? There was no way absolutely NO way his already limited will power towards cute brunettes could win against that. It would buckle and be hog tied. 

So manners aside, Kondo reached for the part of the cake higher off the ground and took a handful, bringing it up to his mouth. He took a sniff because man, it smelled a lot like almonds, maybe it was an almond joy cake? Kind of bitter though... Whatever, as long as it didn't have mayonaise he would enjoy it, he was positive as he took the first bite. "Ahhh~"

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Death by cake.

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Haru realized that everywhere around her, she heard screams. Some of agony, some of fright. Her fingers had clutched onto her cake tightly - The severity of the situation just hit her hard, and she struggled to hold back the tears. What was to become of her friends? Of Kaoru? She wanted so desperately to check up on them, but she figured they could take care of themselves. After the chaos was over, she would check up on them.

The brunette was about to walk away when something slammed into her, causing a shriek to leave her lips, and the container in her grasp to fly. She watched in dismay as the cake splattered to the ground, it’s contents crumbling when it hit the ground. Half of her cake had been destroyed, but the other side was still standing, but for how long?

“My cake..” All those hours of making the batter, to make this food, all for nothing. And the poison, that had been the only vile left. She was sure that she wouldn’t find another one. Not unless she stole it from another resident. “..My cake.” She barely registered Kondo talking to her, her gaze still staring down at her now ruined confectionery. Tears filled in her eyes, which she didn’t bother on hiding as they streamed down her cheeks. Her eyes finally turned over to Kondo, a furious look on her face. “Why didn’t you watch where you were going!? Haru’s cake is now ruined and..I- I’m..”

The more she wiped her eyes, a new fresh batch filled in their place. A loud sob escaped her, her figure curling up. She could feel the tightness of the collar constricting her, almost in a warning motion. What was she supposed to do now?

[gorillatama-blog]

Oh good GOD Isao, she isn't listening to your blubbering she's upset and crying! PUT A BANANA SOCK IN IT. Clearly the poor young lady had worked really hard on the cake that was now strewn across the ground thanks to his oblivious haste, in such critical condition a S*per P*tion wouldn't even be able to fix. Once he realized the extent of the damage he settled into a more comfortable position on the ground, tuning out the clusterfuck around them as well as the low hum of the collar, tick tock tick-, and offered her an apologetic slant of his lips, brows puckered in sympathy.

"I am so sorry young lady, it was an honest mistake! I uh...I'm sure it's really not that bad-" Poo brown orbs flickered to ground zero and he let a wince settle onto his face. Kondo really isn't that great at convincing anyone of much, especially when it comes to taxes, baby daddies or cakes apparently. The sweat of guilt and cake murder beaded his face, not helping with the babbling coming out of his big mouth. "SEE IF YOU...MAYBE IF YOU JUST TAKE IT AND MOLD IT INTO A DIFFERENT SHAPE LIKE AN ARMSTRONG CANNON GUN? TAKE OFF THE PIECES WITH LEAVES AND DIRT...HAH...HAH...I KNOW LOTS OF PEOPLE WILL COME TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF SUCH AN IMPRESSIVE MASTERPIECE!" 

Seeing her tears just made him feel like an even bigger asshole and his stomach dropped as he surveyed the cake. The volume in which his passionate suggestions rose dwindled upon witnessing such a sad state. Not only was this place going to hell but he'd just made it a little more awful for this innocent kid. Sighting, he reached into his uniform pocket and retrieved a hanky, holding it out to Haru, a soft look in his eyes, one of guilt. "I really am sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? I don't think you'd want a big idiot like me eating the leftovers of the cake I just smashed, otherwise I would totally still eat it, to prove to you that your baking skills MUST pierce the reputation of a fallen cake heavens! I suppose you could punch me if you want, I'll overlook assaulting a police officer this once."

Shit, he had meant to help people not make little girls cry! What would Sogo do in a situation like thi- nonono not that anything but that, what would Tosh-....nope. He didn't even have any mayo onhand anyway. Za- not even a close honorable mention deserved. Shoulders slumped, he swiped a finger through the mess on the ground and examined it closely. It didn't look too bad, and it smelled great. Though there was the hint of a strange smell wafting from the little smear blob on his finger. Siiiigh moving on, what to do....he was determined to help her now, it was the least he could do! "Please don't cry," he continued with that damn pitiful face of his, "I'll do whatever I can to help you, I promise." 

[cakeobsessed-deactivated2012082]

Death by cake.

Eyes fluttered open, a groan escaping the brunette’s lips. Something cold was clutched in the palm of her hand, but in her sleepy state, she hadn’t cared much to see what it was. Sitting upright in her bed, she rubbed at her eyes with her free hand, fingers stilling when a voice whispered to her these words;

Kill or be killed.

The voice brought great distress to the brunette not long after she realized what was securely wrapped around her neck. Face paling, she struggled to pull it off, but it was only in vain. She could remember this happening before, but only it had all been a big prank by Dolos into scaring everyone. She knew that today though, it was more real. It was serious. Breathing becoming labored by the minute, she stared down at her lap, fingers clutching onto the key tightly.

No, no, no, no, no, NO! In her head, a mantra was beginning to repeat itself, eyes staring ahead, with tears forming in them.

She didn’t want to die - NO, SHE WOULDN’T. The last time, falling off that cliff - It had traumatized her. It left horrible nightmares, a scar that would never leave. She was not going to let death grab a hold of her again.

Kill or be killed.

When she heard the voice again, Haru stumbled over to the chest that was nearby, quickly opening it up with shaky hands. Inside was a material of weapons, and her hand hesitated in what to choose. When her eyes landed on a vile filled with a dark liquid color, she picked it up. Poison, was it? Haru dreaded the fact that she would have to do this, but it was her life, her future - And she wasn’t about to let it go down the drain again. Not this time. If she needed to murder someone, she would do it.

————————-

It didn’t take long for a plan to formulate in Haru’s mind. She had dressed in some fresh spare of clothes as usual, and had wrapped a scarf around her neck (to hide the collar) before trudging to Polis. Finding a store that would allow her to make food had been difficult, but she had found it in a kind man who saw the desperate look in her eyes, and allowed her in. He didn’t question her, and she was grateful for it. Haru, with the skills that she had as a baker, began to prepare the items to make a simple, yet delicious looking confectionery.

The vile of poison had been popped open and every last drop of it was mixed into the batch. Throughout the whole process, Haru’s heart continued to beat in a rapid pace. She was nervous, and it showed with how shaky she was. The man who owned the store came by from time to time asking the brunette if she needed a break with concern in his voice, but she shrugged him off. She just wanted her food to be done.

-Her wish was granted a few hours later, and Haru had taken to decorating it, cutting it (so that the pieces could be taken out quicker) and making it look as delicious as the ones which were often displayed on the see through window. As tempting as it looked, she knew better, and she hastily bowed to the owner of the store, before walking off into Polis again, with her cake in tow which was covered in a small container. Her eyes roamed around, trying to spot anyone who would be willing to eat her food, and who would ultimately die for her own cause.

[gorillatama-blog]

The death toll drumming at the back of his head, surging through his veins with every whisper entwined in his pulse was certainly something new. If Kondo wanted to take part in a survival game he would have at least gotten a change of underwear. His mind automatically went to other trivial thoughts such as, is this what Shounen main characters went through? Except the voices were tinged with J*ne Bond accents and came with a complimentary cup of sake. Right? Those bastards and their perks....

As soon as the countdown started to tick down Kondo's first thought was to immediately track down his homeworld comrades. They were smar-....they were clever and strategic individuals, surely they would figure out some loophole out of this! Comrades should lean on each other in times of need but....but thinking on it again Kondo wouldn't be that burden to them. They should focus their efforts apart instead of together, it would be a lot less chaotic that way. Those kinds of guys, he knew wherever they were they would do all within their power to help someone. But they wouldn't make kicking the bucket that simple either.

Kill or be killed

Kondo knew what it was to take a life. Between the enemy who is infringing on anothers' freedom and wellbeing and defending them as well as the head on rush of life versus life, Kondo knows the soul weight of taking on another life. He certainly didn't like it and sometimes it couldn't be helped but he wouldn't- couldn't accept these terms so damn easily. There had to be something he could do. He could save these people, or damn well try until he had nothing left.  (That had little to do with explosives or MGgr*bber and paper clips and tin foil) He definitely wouldn't let it end like this, he had too much he still had to do. So key in clammy hand he opened the chest, retrieved a weapon (for self defense, he wouldn't go down easily) and headed out into Polis to see if he could be of use. Would the law be enough for something so barbaric and S*w like? Minus the creepy puppets. 

Sure enough it was Hell. Chaos, fights, scrambling; the only thing that was missing were people crashing through windows in order to steal televisions- but he wouldn't jinx it. His feet carried him around and around, incident into incident and-

In the midst of the chaos he quite literally collided with his fate, sending both of them tumbling to the ground. 

 Knees skinned pretty damn good and hands braced to catch his rump juuust barely, Kondo checked on the status of the poor soul he had bowled over, offering her a weak smile and a gentle disposition. "I'm sorry, I was too busy trying to think of what I could make out of paperclips and a belt buckle and didn't see you. Are you alright? Don't you know it's dangerous out here?"