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blake kathryn
Not today Justin
DEAR READER
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
oozey mess
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Misplaced Lens Cap
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
KIROKAZE
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@goyoshimochiball
suddenly remembered this poem as i was making breakfast this morning & frantically googled “poem remembered to buy eggs?????????” & somehow managed to find it & it utterly knocked the wind out of me just as much as when i first read it
they're laughing at a failcompilation
Bruce Weber (2001)
Bruce Weber (2001)
working at a bank and it took me all of three days to be completely disillusioned with money
i held onto $20,000 this morning and my first thought was "i dont wanna fuckin count all this." another person was closing out a mortgage and this life-changing moment for a person was me sitting through a loading screen on a program clearly made for windows vista. a regular refrain is all of us asking each other "hey can i have a couple thousand dollars?" to refill our cash drawers. i see members with $300,000 and members with $30.00 and just have to act like that's fine. it's equally sobering and bewildering.
THIS IS HECKIN ADORABLE <3
Absolute Batman #22 (2026) variant cover by Ryan Sook
Absolute Batman #22 (2026) variant cover by Mike Mayhew
Absolute Batman #22 (2026) variant cover by Dustin Nguyen
Clark : Can I send you money for therapy?
Clark : I wanna marry you and make you my wife so bad
Bruce *sad and confused cryptid noises* : m'kay
I saw this on Twitter, and I thought it was so cute, and I couldn’t stop myself from having Bruce on my mind, so here's something short. Don't expect much; it's rough lol
Basic premise: the alpha knows their omega is pregnant while the omega actually has no clue
——
Clark notices something’s different with his omega immediately. He watches as Bruce shifts uncomfortably on his feet after standing for too long, when before he wouldn’t give it a thought, or how he scrunches his nose at certain foods he used to deem safe, and even goes for food combinations that he never imagined Bruce would ever try. There was even a small change in his scent, which was just... odd.
When Bruce is distracted talking to Duke about a board game the kid recently became obsessed with, Clark takes a moment to figure out what’s wrong with his mate. He just hopes it’s not another injury. It doesn’t feel like Bruce is hiding an injury from him.
Not wanting to be called out by the children around them, Clark decides that using his X-ray vision wasn’t the move for now. He's been caught staring before... It's embarrassing for everyone. He strains his ears, closing his eyes to focus and shut out every other sound in the world to truly and wholly focus on the love of his life in front of him
And there it is.
A faint heartbeat thumping just slightly out of time with Bruce’s.
Clark barely contains himself from flying out of his seat and tackling Bruce into a very gentle hug before sobbing his eyes out and thanking him for being so wonderful and amazing and-
But he doesn’t do that.
No, in fact, he’s sure Bruce would praise him for being able to keep his composure so well.
Ignoring the raised eyebrows and odd looks Damian and Stephanie give him when a wide grin stretches across his face, he sits there and thinks.
There has to be a reason why his husband, who tells him everything unless it’s strictly confidential for a mission or pertains to Wayne Enterprises, decided not to inform him of this wonder and joy.
Despite the impression Bruce gives off and what most people assume of him, Bruce can be quite cute and sappy…
A surprise!
It’s the only explanation. Bruce is planning one of those adorable surprises he sees on social media all the time. One day, when he comes home from work, Bruce will hand him a small box, and inside will be his pregnancy test!
Or maybe a little onesie? Or tiny baby shoes? Or one of the pets running up to him wearing a shirt that says he'll be a Dad? Or maybe ultrasound pictures, if Bruce has gotten that far. Or he’ll drag Clark to the kitchen and show him a bun in the oven?
And then both of them can plan a cute surprise for the other kids. He can order shirts that say ‘best big brother/sister around!’ with little sunglasses, and everyone will be so happy, and they'll take a bunch of pictures and-
“Why does your face look stupid?” Jason’s voice snaps Clark out of the daydream he found himself flying through. “Seriously, why do you look like that? All dopey and shit.” Jason crosses his arms over his chest with an unimpressed look.
Clark lets out a small chuckle and shakes his head. “Ah, just… thinking about some things.”
Dick’s head pops out from behind his younger brother and gives Clark an appraising look. “You’re not thinking any weird thoughts about Bruce, are you?” Dick squints and leans forward. “Cause I’m not afraid to hit you. You know I’m not.”
“Boys, stop bullying Clark.” Bruce’s exasperation was clear as he walked over to the table and placed a hand on the back of Clark’s chair. “You guys are stinking up the house. I thought you two were past the territorial phase?”
“They’re simply imbeciles, Ummi.” Damian pops out of nowhere to push himself between Dick and Bruce before hugging the omega’s waist. “Do you see how I can easily control my scent? Unlike the stinky alphas you decided to adopt.”
“That’s not even a fair comparison since you’re still a pup.” Tim laughs, coming down the stairs, Cassandra right beside him. “What scent do you even have to stink up the manor?”
“I could if I wanted to!”
“Is this the hill you’re willing to die on?” Duke laughed, expertly ignoring the indignant expression on the pup’s face and stealing some of the Oreo’s Clark forgot he was eating.
“Very deep thought? Share with the class.” Cass says as she takes his other Oreo, twisting off the side with cream and handing it over to Steph, who already has her hand out.
“Hey, I was eating those.”
“Barely.” Steph snorts. “You snooze, you lose, old man.”
“Anyways,” Bruce says firmly, taking all attention away from Clark’s stolen snack back onto him. “I hope you all have your outfits picked for the charity ball next week. Attendance is mandatory. Clark, wear the suit I bought you, yes, the one that fits. You’ll be going as my husband, not an investigative journalist. No, there’s no way to get out of this; it’s for a good cause.”
That shut down and retorts or protests anyone in the room had to say.
“Thank you, loves.” Bruce pressed a kiss to Tim’s forehead before turning to go back to his study, presumably to work on something for his company.
Or maybe… to plan out how to surprise him with the baby?
——
An entire week passed with nothing happening.
Every day, when he woke up, when he came back from work, when he and Bruce cuddled after dinner, and before he went to sleep, he waited.
There were plenty of private and quiet moments where it would just be perfect for Bruce to come out and tell Clark he was pregnant, yet nothing happened.
Bruce didn't even stop his patrols, not that Clark ever really expected Bruce to do something like that... yet. Though Bruce did grumble in confusion about how the streets seemed abnormally quiet and calm, ending his patrol early for the fourth time after absolutely nothing was happening.
It was getting tiring, always having to practice his surprised face so he wouldn’t ruin Bruce’s fun when he eventually did say something.
“So… anything you wanna talk about?” Clark asked from bed, watching as the omega meticulously went through his entire nighttime skin routine, gently massaging the expensive moisturizers into his already flawless skin.
Bruce paused and gave Clark a questioning look through the mirror. “You’ve been asking that question a lot… something wrong? Is there something I need to be concerned about?”
“No! No, no, of course not.” Clark waved off the concern with an awkward laugh and squeezed his pillow to his chest. “I just wanted to know if there was anything new… or unexpected?”
Bruce stood up from in front of his vanity, slipping off the dark blue bunny-eared skincare headband Stephanie had bought him as a gag gift, and made his way over to bed.
Bruce narrowed his eyes as he looked down at Clark, who was suspiciously avoiding his gaze. “You’re hiding something from me.”
“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” Clark muttered under his breath, giving Bruce a soft smile. “I’m not hiding anything.” Clark put his pillow back and opened his arms.
Bruce flopped down onto their bed, his head taking its rightful place on Clark's chest, the perfect spot to hear his heartbeat all night long. “I don’t like the way you said that…”
“Mhm, go to sleep. We've got a tiring night tomorrow.”
——
Bruce, or rather Brucie, effortlessly mingles in with the crowd of rich people who swarmed him, eager to talk and cajole him into investing in whatever stupid endeavors they believe will earn them the most money.
He plays the part perfectly.
Anyone would be fooled if not for the fact that Bruce doesn’t truly relax that stiff and plastic smile unless he’s around those who are deemed ‘unworthy’ of being at the party.
The kids in which the charity is for.
Bruce greets them with easy familiarity since he makes a point to visit almost every week, and the kids, in turn, scream Bruce’s name in joy and have no worry of being scolded for getting his suit dirty as they climb him like a jungle gym.
Clark is fondly reminded of itty bitty baby Dick.
"Wowie, did you have a growth spurt while I was gone?" Bruce gasps at a little girl giggling in front of him, the brightest smile on her freckled face. "And you picked such a pretty dress to wear!"
Clark could watch him interact with kids all day, every day if it were allowed. Bruce always looked so happy and relaxed. He could just imagine it now... Bruce interacting with their new kid... and all their other kids interacting with the new pup...
Three people scooted away from Clark as he let out a rumble and had the stupidest, goofiest smile on his face, staring off at nothing.
He only shook himself out of another wonderful fantasy when he realized his omega had just taken a flute of champagne from the platter of a passing waitress, giving them an iconic smile and swirling the glass before lifting it to his lips.
Which makes no sense because he knows Bruce would never willingly put another person in danger, especially a pup, by drinking alcohol, which he didn't even like. So why would he grab champagne and not some apple cider or a non alcoholic alternative?
At this very moment, it occurs to Clark that he didn’t even think to consider something.
Perhaps…
Perhaps his omega had no clue he was even pregnant in the first place. There was no surprise, because Bruce didn’t know.
Shit.
“Sweetheart,” Bruce blinks up at his husband in confusion as Clark takes away his flute of champagne. “Uh, I don’t think you should drink that.”
Bruce narrows his eyes, his body subtly tensing as his eyes shift around the opulent ballroom. "Oh? You're such a spoilsport." He teases, his voice light and airy, but the look in his eyes is sharp and ready for action at the drop of a hat. "Can you believe how protective my alpha is?" Bruce chuckles, causing the rich people around him to titter at the blatant PDA.
Clark subtly shakes his head, indicating there’s no poison or an intruder that needs to be dealt with.
He places the glass on a passing waiter's tray, doing his best to ignore the confused expression burning into the side of his face, and wraps an arm around his omega’s waist.
“It’s getting late in the night, and the pups are getting more rowdy.” Clark croons, glancing over to where Duke, Steph, and Jason are trying to incite a riot with the kids and overtake the dessert table. Then he glances over to Dick, who is trying to inconspicuously make his way onto the chandelier.
Tim has already disappeared under one of the tables; he can hear him talking to Kon and his boyfriend over some game chat. And Cass and Damian are standing in the corner together, glaring at anyone who dares to come close, clearly close to overstimulation, like Bruce, who is just better at hiding it.
"You know they hate it when you call them pups." Bruce chirps, easily falling in step with Clark as they make their way to the doors. "They're gonna throw a fit."
"Maybe they should stop acting like spoiled little pups then." Clark chuckles, letting a low whistle pass through his lips. Even though they also complain about being treated like dogs when Clark whistles for them, each of their heads immediately swivels, and they come trotting over.
"Eclair?" Duke chirped, pushing himself between Clark and Bruce and offering the sweet treat to the omega. "They're so fucking good. This is my sixth one."
"Concerning." Bruce hummed, pressing a kiss to Duke's temple.
"Glad to be leaving." Cass sighed, carrying a sleeping Damian in her arms. "Should've just gone on patrol."
"It's for charity, Princess. Gotta show Gotham and these kids that we care." Bruce reached back and took a moment to run his fingers through Damian's gelled hair that simply wouldn't hold for the entire night. "But... I'll keep that in mind for next time," Bruce said, getting a small smile from the young woman.
"Kelly started Judo classes last week, and I gave her tips." Stephanie grins, her smile vicious as she cackles. "Nobody's gonna be messing with her any time soon."
"Nothing too dangerous and life-threatening, I hope." Bruce grinned back, indulging her with a high-five plus a fist bump.
"I heard people talking about Clark acting weird and smiling at nothing." Dick ran up and jumped on Clark's back, putting the alpha in a headlock and beaming down at him. "Just like at home for the past week, huh, weirdo?"
"From the chandelier?" Clark raises an eyebrow.
"Where else?"
"Mom, if someone tells you that I took pictures of the mayor and his secretary making out on the balcony, don't believe them. I'm an innocent little boy, remember that." Tim grabs Bruce's hand before looking around the room in suspicion and darting behind Clark to hide.
Clark and Bruce simply looked at each other but didn't comment.
"Ma, can you text Alfred to have something ready for me? These burgers were subpar at best; I'm fuckin' starving." Jason decided to take up Bruce's other side, letting out a small whine and giving Bruce puppy-dog eyes with a small pout just to amp up his patheticness factor.
"Of course you're still starving, you fucking behemoth. Everyone, look at fatass over here, still not satisfied after stuffing four burgers down his gullet."
"What the fuck?!" Jason screeched.
"Hey... I'm still hungry too..." Clark pouted, getting blank stares from all of the bats.
"Oh, the bottomless pit is feeling bottomless, how shocking."
"Of course you are."
"Tell us something we don't know, Clark."
"Is the only thing on your mind food?"
"I'm honestly surprised you didn't clear out the buffet table."
"Top ten phrases I've heard from Clark; I'm hungry is way up there."
"Fatass: the original."
"Probably ate Ma and Pa Kent out of house and home."
"Saw him gnawing on a steel pillar a few days ago; he might actually eat our fucking home."
"Alien genes have him eating literally everything."
"Grocery bills have fucking quadrupled since he and Bruce got together."
"Careful, Jason, he might eat all your food the moment your back is turned. He'll probably use his super speed too."
Clark let out an offended noise. "Wait, why are we all piling on me? I thought we were having a good time." Clark whined and turned to his husband with a pout. "Do you see how mean the children are to me? I'm just a little peckish."
"Jason gets it from you, stupid alpha." Bruce sighed and shook his head, but Clark could easily tell that all of them were hiding grins from him and barely stopping themselves from bursting into laughter.
Clark took a moment to take in the warm atmosphere around their family. He almost forgot the news he had to deliver to his mate.
——
"So... what was the reason for stopping me from drinking?" Clark blinked, buttoning up the rest of his sleep shirt as he turned to Bruce, who was just staring at him with a blank expression. "And don't say it's because you know I don't like alcohol. We both know I can handle my liquor if need be."
Clark let out a wince and floated over to where his husband was standing with a suspicious expression. He landed softly and watched as Bruce's expression gave way to something more fragile and vulnerable, melting Clark's heart immediately.
"You've been acting weird all week... please talk to me before we have a huge misunderstanding."
Clark nodded and let out a short chuckle. "I-I know... I know... I just..." Clark took in a deep breath. "Honestly, I was under the impression that you knew the entire time and were trying to surprise me eventually-"
"Surprise you? Surprise you with what, Kal?"
"Surprise me with the joy that you're..." Clark let out a wet little laugh, already tearing up and successfully making Bruce panic even more somehow.
"What?! Clark spit it out already!"
“Darlin’… you’re pregnant.”
Bruce’s mouth dropped open in shock as he stared up at his husband with wide eyes, disbelief clearly painted on his face. The omega floundered, his mouth opening and closing as he grabbed Clark's arms to steady himself.
“I’m- huh?”
Absolute Batman #22 (2026) variant cover by Nick Dragotta
Canon never mentions it but Bruce, who has lived in a house with kids of all ages, has:
definitely been woken in the middle of the night to be told by one of the kids saying m that they threw up or had an accident
been told something disturbing like "you're old and going to die soon" or "there's a lady standing in that corner who says she knows you" while the kid is falling asleep in their dark, very empty room.
held a tissue while one of the kids blew their nose
stepped on discarded toys or tripped on sneakers left on the stairs.
had a heart attack like event any time the kids ran across a busy street or fell over or swore in front of other adults
Special thanks to my friend who saw the sketch and said I need to make him arch his back even more
So, I lurk in some writer subreddits, and a frequent topic of discussion is prose: what constitutes good prose, how do you write it, how do you improve it, etc. And yesterday I stumbled across one topic about the difference between good descriptive prose, and purple prose. OP asks people to share some of their favourite authors who they think write beautiful prose without tipping into purple. No problem; people are happy to oblige.
One person says that Steinbeck is one of their favourite authors for prose, and then they share an example of what they would consider purple prose. It is so violetly awful that I think the poster must have written it themselves as a kind of parody of purple prose. Other people assumed the same.
But as it turns out, they are quoting from a book written by a YouTuber whose channel ia dedicated to talking about writing (namely, their own writing, which is genius, but often not comprehensible to the drooling plebs).
Naturally, I read the free sample of their book in awe and horror, and I'd like to share some screenshots with you. If you also have trouble defining or understanding what purple prose is, it's this.
Yes, every single fucking page is written like this.
Reading some more of the preview for this book, and I realise this is by far not the biggest problem, but I'm begging this guy to just use 'shadow' instead of 'umbra'. I promise I will not accuse you of being a philistine.
'Noctilucent orbs'. Even fanfic written by a 14-year-old wouldn't dare.
The author is a man in his 30s, btw.
*throws this in the face of everyone who has ever accused me of writing purple prose*
Do yourself a favour and read through the tags and comments. They are amazing.
