#1 Bruce Wayne Defender

I don’t do arguments online, I just block. Bruce Wayne solos all your favs DC stands for Disregard Cannon!! Don’t like??? Leave!!!

[brucedefender4eva]

I love it when you guys leave comments by the way ( ^ω^ )

Doesn’t matter how long the post has been up or whatever, I like reading your comments even if I don’t reply lol

So… you know… you can if you want

If I don’t like your comment I will be blocking you, you are not owed a response from me and I do not have to be nice to you. Feel free to block me first before it gets to that point.

We all have free will, so remember that

Feel free to make any of my silly ideas into fanfics, fanart, or whatever. I love seeing it!

[brucedefender4eva]

Me thinks, if someone just killed the Joker and didn’t say anything, Bruce would be fine with it. Maybe not fine fine, but he's not gonna go crazy or anything

It’s not like Bruce is advocating for the Joker to stay alive. He just doesn’t want to be the person to kill him

And it’s not like it’s just the Batfamily that’s been personally victimized by the Joker. Almost everyone has, especially the citizens of Gotham

It’d be pretty selfish to kill the Joker solely based on what he’s done to your family specifically. Whichhhhh, I think, is another reason why he hasn’t. Batman, at his core, is not a selfish man. He is one of the most selfless people ever, and it is a huge part of his identity and how he continues to fight as Batman

I think he’d be devastated or angry that someone out there might have turned into a murderer for the Joker; he doesn't wish for anyone to go down that path. But, it's not like he's gonna mourn the Joker

He will mourn the man the Joker was before he went crazy, mourn who he could’ve become if only he had tried harder to rehabilitate him, but he will never mourn the man himself. He knows the Joker is evil, and he is very glad he’s gone forever

Maybe he wouldn’t outright celebrate, but he would certainly be in a better mood and happy that Gotham is one step closer to being a safer city for all the people living in it

[brucedefender4eva]

Jason tried to start up another fight about how Bruce should rid himself of his morals and kill the Joker for him

And instead of standing there and taking it, or having another pointless fight that he doesn't have the energy for

He just covers his ears with his hands, starts saying “La la la” really loudly, and walks away with his eyes closed

Jason is so stunned at this move that he doesn’t bring up the Joker for six entire blissful months

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce has never understood why other parents complain about how difficult their kids are when they’re sick, because the batkids actually turn out to be nicer to him when they’re sick

They’re so sweet and docile, listening to his every word and obediently taking their medicine, looking up at Bruce with watery red eyes and awaiting praise

The only thing they request is Bruce’s attention and lots and lots of cuddles

He doesn’t know it, but that’s only for Bruce. Being sick is just an excuse to act sweet to him without getting embarrassed

Bruce had to go to a meeting at the company for a bit, and called Clark to come take care of his kids. He went over what meds to take at what time and who likes what blanket, but other than that, there wasn’t really any briefing. He didn't think he had any reason to

To this day, Clark talks about that time as if he were fighting Darkside himself

Dick wouldn’t sit down for anything. No matter what Clark bribed him with, the moment he turned his back, Dick was up and moving, despite having thrown up five seconds ago. He was also bothering everyone and talking over whatever show or movie all the kids had finally agreed upon. He was trying to land a flip while also doing his best not to throw up. It did not work. Clark almost threw up cleaning it before throwing a blanket over him when he finally collapsed

Jason wouldn’t even look at Clark. And anytime he did it was with utter disgust that truly hurt Clark’s feelings, even if the younger man was sniffling with a bright red nose. He's always been standoffish with Clark since he was a kid, but Clark thought he got over his jealousy after he explained he wasn't trying to steal Bruce's attention. He has not, he's just good at hiding it. Clark threw a blanket over him and decided to deal with it later

Cassandra lunged at him the moment he tried to put a cold compress on her forehead. He wasn't expecting it, so he barely dodged, even with his superspeed. She let out a low growl, and Clark seriously didn't know what to do with that kind of hostility. He kinda just threw a blanket over her and hoped for the best while she dozed off in Bruce’s favorite chair. He didn't dare disturb her unless it was time for her to take her medicine

Tim turned the brightness of all his devices to the max, even though it made him dizzy and gag, because he claimed he couldn’t see through his watery eyes. It didn’t help that he had to be kept separate from his other siblings so he didn’t get worse. He kept trying to sneak off to be with everyone, and Clark couldn’t let him, but he got so sad thinking about it, so he divided the living room where they were all staying in half with pillows, so Tim could still be in the room but not too close to anyone. He then threw a blanket over him and moved his devices away

Steph, on the other hand, was trying to sneak over to see Tim, which was bad. Logically, he knew they all understood Tim was vulnerable, but being sick seemed to devolve their thinking processes. She also continued asking for food, and when Clark brought it over, she’d gag and push it away. She then asked Clark to make something, and when he presented it to her, she gagged so hard she threw up, so Clark also threw a blanket over her head

Duke, while the calmest, was not easy to handle either. He would just stare. Clark expected that from any other child under Bruce’s wing, but not Duke. Duke would turn himself invisible to stare at Clark, but Clark got goosebumps all over his skin nonetheless. Super hearing can only do so much when the person sneaking around you is trained by Batman himself. He threw a blanket over Duke and prayed he didn't remove it

Damian insisted on having all his pets near him at all times, then got scared his sickness would transfer over to them and cried so hard he threw up. Clark deposited him in Cassandra’s lap after cleaning him up, just so he could have some comfort, and gave him his phone so he could watch all the videos he wanted of the cows on the farm. He then threw an animal print blanket over him

And all of them, yes, all, would randomly burst into tears and call out for Bruce. Each time, he would have to deliver the devastating news that he still wasn’t back, then be subjected to all seven glares, which was a lot to handle. He wanted to fly into the attic and hide, but he promised Bruce he would try his best, and he was bound by moral obligation

Yes, Clark tries to appeal to the masses and children by wearing bright colors, but he’s never claimed to be good at handling children. In fact, his parents would say he’s the opposite

He can handle it for short amounts of time, but carrying them and having to interact with them for an extended period of time? Fuck no. He's never had to clean up or make throw up as in that moment. He will not do it again

When Bruce comes back, all his kids are absolute angels again, if not a little more pushy, so they can cling to him without Clark being there. They whine and tug Bruce into the living room so they can pile on top of him (Tim has a mask on) and bury him under their combined weight

Bruce simply doesn’t believe a word of what Clark says. Those are his babies. And even if they did do that… whatever

[brucedefender4eva]

To expand on the thing I mentioned before (I don’t remember what post, but I think it was about Dick being possessive)

Dick hides from his siblings that Bruce is really good at cooking, just so he can have it all to himself. He will actively tell them lies, like how eating something Bruce made has given him food poisoning when that only happened because he snuck into the kitchen when Bruce was cooking and ate something raw

Bruce is oblivious to this tidbit and just thinks his kids prefer it if he doesn’t make any food. It’s not like he cooks by himself all that often anyway, so it doesn’t matter to him. Cooking is a chore in his eyes, and he just doesn’t like to do it; he's got better things to do

Dick doesn’t care; he is unashamed of the fact that he is manipulating his siblings and his Dad. He’s a little surprised it’s gone unnoticed for as long as it has, but he’ll take it

There’s been a lot of close calls and slip-ups over the years, but Dick has held it together very well. Panic will only alert his siblings to the fact that something is up, and if that happens, he'll spiral

Not to say that his other children haven’t had his food, they just don’t know that Bruce is the one who made it. They think it’s extremely fancy food Bruce bought

If DIck had his way, he would keep this part of Bruce all to himself to the end of time. Maybe it's a little twisted, but Dick enjoys the feeling of it being only him and Bruce, just like when he was younger. He likes to think he knows more of Bruce than anyone else in their family

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce gets dementia

Damian is utterly distraught because he realizes his Baba was present at all of his other kids’ weddings but won’t be for his. It's not fair, it's just not fair

He barely keeps himself from crying when Bruce stays silent as he gets walked into the venue, still only halfway done, and questions where he was and why there were so many people

Damian has to be pulled away from his Baba to get ready, while Bruce gets led to a quiet place to relax and not be put under any stress

One thing Damian has never compromised on is having a big reveal with Bruce. He wants his Baba to be the first person to see him fully dressed up in his wedding garments

He sits beside Bruce and just holds his hand, gazing out at the vast, opulent scenery of the wedding venue, softly talking about anything and everything just to fill the air

Then, Bruce turns to his baby boy, a familiar sparkle in his bright blue eyes, and he smiles

"Oh, habibi... Damian, you look so pretty..." Bruce rumbled softly, putting his other hand on top of Damian's and squeezing. "My baby, my sweet baby, so pretty for your wedding..." his face crinkles into that ever-familiar smile that Bruce would give him, something he hadn't seen in so long

And Damian bursts into tears because his Baba remembered.

And Bruce is able to slowly walk Damian down the aisle, just as he had with all his other kids. Bruce stays aware for the entire wedding, and Damian barely leaves his side, unable to bear the thought of not being there every second Baba can remember him

Damian makes sure Bruce is in every picture and video

It's a good reminder because Bruce wakes up the next day, confused about why this little boy is crying while holding onto him

[brucedefender4eva]

Saw that one Twitter post

When Clark calls Bruce, he’s using all the pet names he has in his arsenal. Whenever it's time for Clark's daily Bruce call at work, everyone runs away so they're not subjected to his corny nicknames and die of embarrassment

Hi, pumpkin! Hi, darling! Hi, honey bunny! Hi marshmellow! Hi, my Prince Charming! And so on. Just the cheesiest, cringiest, most heartwarming pet names you can imagine. Clark's words are practically dripping with adoration

Bruce will answer the phone with a simple “Speak.” His face is completely blank and emotionless, while his voice is deadpan. He is unfazed by any and every pet name Clark doesn't say directly to his face.

Everyone tells Bruce he should be kinder, but he truly doesn’t see the point in beating around the bush with Clark. They just don't understand their relationship

If he’s answering the phone as Brucie, he’ll do a bunch of pleasantries to keep up a certain image, but with Clark, he doesn’t have to pretend, and he can be as blunt as he wants, and Clark still understands that all his words are filled with love

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce gets hit with a spell, and it lowers his inhibitions and whatnot.

Now, it’s nothing crazy. He’s just speaking his mind and saying random stuff. It’s actually kind of cute how he compliments them in between his word vomit of wherever his mind trails off to.

“I need to finish signing those papers for the marketing team- Diana’s curls look really pretty today- I don’t remember if I ate breakfast- oh, it’s Barry, I love Barry, hi Barry- I need to finish working on those Arrow prototypes for Ollie and sneak them into his base- I have a headache, I wanna take a nap-”

It’s cute, the League likes it. Bruce doesn’t often speak his mind in ways that aren’t points for self-improvement on the field. But hearing that Bruce actually likes it when they crowd into his space and given him physical affection, or that he enjoys Arthur talking about his underwater escapades, or that J’onn is one of the very few people he feels safe with in his mind, and that yes, he was the one to steal Clark’s slice of apple pie and blame it on Hal with no trace of guilt in his voice

He's even initiating his own physical affection. He's always held back under the pretense of being professional and focusing on the world-ending catastrophes always happening, but with his inhibitions gone, he's cuddling into Oliver's side, allowing Hal to hang off his arm, pressing a kiss to Dinah's cheek, nuzzling under Clark's chin like a cat

Then, after a few hours of the League monopolizing Bruce's time and soaking up his affection, Dick walks in to take him home, and Bruce starts crying, really hard. He’s just starts babbling about how much he fucking loves his baby and how he's missed him so much, even though they had breakfast together that morning

With each kid that he sees, he starts crying even harder. They genuinely have to have only one or two of them with him at a time, or he’ll cry so hard that he will throw up. Bruce's face is all puffy, red, and splotchy, but he somehow makes it look cute

Even though Bruce has expressed how he sees them as family, Stephanie, Duke, Barbara, etc., are a little shocked and teary-eyed at how Bruce keeps reiterating how he loves them and points out little changes they've made that no one else has noticed. He points out how Steph has been getting better with her kicks, how Duke slightly changed his cornrow pattern, how Babs changed the cushion in her wheelchair, and how he's secretly been supplying her high-end cushions without her noticing, and so much more for everyone he knows

Jason gets the biggest reaction, which was to be expected, but all of the kids get intense crying sessions, where Bruce word vomits about how much he adores them and how cute they look at the moment

Damian gets the second biggest reaction, where Bruce just cries about how much he wishes he could've seen Damian grow up and how he's so proud of how Damian's grown into such a kind and compassionate little human being.

Damian is the only kid not actually allowed to leave Bruce alone because he will continuously ask about where he is until he sees him again. He's got Damian on his lap, cuddling him closely because he needs to be touching his baby, while the rest of the kids rotate into the room every so often, so Bruce doesn't get sound and start mumbling how he believes he's a horrible person and doesn't deserve any of them

When the spell wears off, Bruce locks himself in his room out of embarrassment for an entire day afterward. He won't take back anything of what he said, but he's so embarrassed that he had no control over his words and actions

Even when he comes out, his blush is still noticeable, and he gets all grumpy and grumbly when they start to tease him, but he's happy everyone knows how much he cares about them

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce calls him Ollie; we all know that. It’s completely normal cause he’s called him that for as long as he could remember. It's second nature for him and for Ollie to call him Brucie affectionately. It's what they do

But then one day, someone makes a sly comment on how childish and immature it is for a grown man to call another grown man that nickname

And Bruce, he actually gets embarrassed and self-conscious

He’s never thought about it that way, but yeah, it is kinda childish cause he came up with it when he was a child

So, he does his best to stop. He gets stuck in his head and thinks maybe Oliver is too nice to tell him to stop with such a cutesy nickname. It’s not like he doesn’t just call him Oliver already, but now he’s only calling him Oliver and stops himself from saying Ollie

Oliver notices immediately

He’s fucking livid. Who the fuck made his Bruce self-conscious about their relationship? He needs to find this person and beat them up immediately

But Bruce won’t tell him anything, cause of course he wouldn’t. He wants Oliver to drop it, but the Queens don't play about their Bruce

So, Oliver has Roy infiltrate the manor under the guise of hanging out with Dick or something. Nothing unusual, Roy's been coming over to the manor since he was called Speedy, wearing that stupid yellow hat, and running around with him and Dinah on rooftops

Bruce has always loved Roy, but doesn't think Roy would care about something so inconsequential, so he lets down his guard a little but doesn't fully tell him everything

Dinah also does her own reconnaissance and comes over from their monthly wine, cake, and complain about Oliver time. She butters him up even more, and the wine really loosens his lips

They find out who it is after Bruce lets it slip accidentally, and they're on that person like a fucking dog. The three of them find the guy in under 30 minutes and scare them so bad that they move out of Gotham that day

Bruce never finds out what they did, but after a lot of reassurance, he starts becoming comfortable with calling Oliver Ollie once again

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce tugged him into a hug, ignoring the condescending ‘aw’ responding through the room from his older children, and simply held his pup. Damian melted into his hold, purring softly at the first proper hug from Bruce he's gotten since moving to the manor.

Then Bruce pulled away suddenly and quickly, a strange expression on his face, causing the room to still.

“Ummi?” Damian's voice wavered, wondering if he somehow wasn't acting like a pup correctly, and the omega had suddenly changed his mind.

Bruce didn’t respond, simply tilting his head to the side as he stared off into the distance, his mind going a million miles per hour.

Then, he fully removed his hands from Damian, tugged the neckline of his sweater, and grimaced as he looked down at his chest. Weird, he's never done that before. Maybe the hug accidentally put pressure on a bruise or a scar?

“You alright, Bruce?” Dick asked haltingly, taking a step forward, his brow furrowed as he looked at the strange expression on his face.

“That’s your ‘I’m not in pain, but I’m extremely physically uncomfortable’ face.” Tim chimed in, stepping closer and bumping his hip against Damian, and checking in on him. "You're not even hiding it from us, so it must be bad."

“Mm, I’m fine… I just, I have to…” Bruce pursed his lips together and scrunched his nose, a small flush on his cheeks. “I'll have to order a nursing pump...”

Jason blinked, looking shocked. "What..." Jason shook his head. "I'm sorry, did we hear that right?"

"I guess... being this close to Damian triggered something, and my body believes that Damian is still a pup." Bruce crossed his arms over his chest and looked at his very visibly surprised children with a deadpan expression. "All of you need to stop staring at me like that. Now."

[brucedefender4eva]

Sometimes it is very obvious that the Flash is Bruce’s favorite Justice League member

“Dad, why does it smell like chili cheese fries in here?” Dick wrinkled his nose as he stepped out of the elevator, looking around the Batcave in confusion.

“Barry wanted them for lunch.”

Dick raised an eyebrow, but waited for Bruce to continue. When he didn’t, the young man sighed and crossed his arms. “Why was the Flash having lunch with you?”

“New case. Needed a forensic examination, and he got hungry.”

"... but you hate the smell..."

"But he was hungry?"

——

"Spooky, I've got this Lantern meeting or something, seriously came out of nowhere, and I was wondering if you wanted to help a guy out and take my monitor duty?" Hal clasped his hands together and pouted, only succeeding in making Bruce grimace.

"Hal, you should know I have a busy schedule," Bruce grunted, tucking his arms underneath his cape and covering his entire body. "Fine, adequate coverage, or inform the Corps you cannot make it."

Hal sighed and threw his head back with a low groan. "Jeez, fine. I need to find someone who can handle Barry's yapping." He muttered, turning to go beg another hero to switch monitor duty.

"Wait." Bruce grabbed Hal's shoulder. "It's with Barry? I guess I can cover for you this one time."

"... Bruce, your favoritism is showing."

"Shut up."

——

"Okay, bye, Bruce!" Barry closed the door of Bruce's study, turning around to see Jason standing there with a raised eyebrow. "Oh, hi Jason. I'm just headin' out now."

"Have you been here all day? I didn't hear a single word from the study."

"Yup."

“But the two of you were there for six hours… he didn’t say a single word?” Jason crossed his arms.

“I know, right?” Barry’s grin stretched across his face. “He trusts me so much!” Barry glanced down at his watch, which Bruce had bought for him, and grimaced. "Shit, I'm gonna be late. See you when I see you!"

Jason closed his eyes as a gust of air rushed past him. Jason shook his head and simply turned away.

——

Tim tilted his head and frowned. "Dad, is that a science pun t-shirt?"

"Yes, Barry gifted it to me."

"So... now you wear it as a sleep shirt?"

Bruce nodded, sliding half of the omelet he was making onto Tim's plate. "Mhmm, it would be rude not to wear it. And, it's high quality, so it's soft and doesn't break out my skin. Eat, I put bacon."

Tim took a bite and hummed happily. "Last time I tried to buy you a shirt with a pun, you said no." He pointed his fork at Bruce accusingly.

"No, I didn't?"

"Okay, yeah, not verbally, but your face was very obviously disgusted at the very sight of it."

All Bruce did was shrug.

——

"Thank you for your help, Barry."

"Hey, it's no prob-" Bruce pressed a kiss to Barry's cheek before turning and walking away.

"Holy shit." Barry breathed, his face bright red.

[brucedefender4eva]

The general public does believe that Bruce Wayne decided to split into two, and that's how Cassandra Wayne came to be. Is that his daughter, or is that just a smaller, younger girl version of Bruce Wayne?

Bruce and Cass fucking love it. Yes, this is his daughter. Yes, this is her Dad. They would merge into one person if possible; they're halfway there

When Cass comes to galas with him, they always wear matching outfits; it's adorable. Whether it's Cass matching Bruce with a dress or wearing her own suit, they're basically the same person. Or Bruce wearing a dress, I don't wanna leave him out

That's just as Bruce Wayne and Cassandra Wayne, when they're Batman and Black Bat, they take twinning to a whole new level. It's scary

There are two shadow blobs in the corner that you can't tell where one of them starts and the other stops. They're lethal cuties. They can kill you with extreme ease and are extremely dangerous, but they never will because they are good people with strong morals.

[brucedefender4eva]

So, some people are saying that this post of mine is racist

And I just want to say that it was never my intention to come off as racist. It’s a fairly popular joke in the fandom, and I just wanted to make my own

I didn’t think it mattered how Tim lost his spleen, I wasn’t blaming Ra for it, just that he had it because funny or whatever

That’s it

It’s not because he’s Arabic that I portrayed him as ‘evil’. He’s already a supervillain in the DC universe and considered ‘creepy’ due to his ambitions and the extremist ways in which he wants to go about enforcing the ‘greater good’ in his eyes. I didn't make him a bad guy because of his ethnicity; he already is one, that is a fact. I just thought it would be funny if he somehow acquired Tim’s spleen

On those posts, no one has ever said it was racist, and I’ve never seen anything about it, so I assumed it was fine. Maybe I should've dug into it more; that's on me, but I only post for fun and when something pops into my head

I’m not gonna be removing the post cause I did work hard on coming up with it, and the majority of people find it funny. The focus was not on Tim or Ra, it’s about Bruce, as is everything else on this page

The people who did call me racist are blocked cause I don’t need that in my life, and the way you worded shit was rude as fuck, but yeah. Sorry that I offended anyone, I never want to come off as racist or perpetuate racist ideas in fandom, I’ll make sure to never write, or very sparingly, about the al Ghul’s again.

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce starts buying Clark high-end hoodies and sweaters without telling him

The only reason why he does this is that he loves stealing his boyfriend’s clothes. He’s never been the smaller one in the relationship, and he’s fully taking advantage of all the dating habits he never got to indulge in before

However, the cheap fabric of Clark’s hoodie rubs against his skin harshly, and he hates how it feels. Sue him, he loves being able to afford high-quality clothing

He knows Clark would never be willing to accept him buying expensive clothes, and if he does, it won’t be without a fight and Clark swearing he’ll make it up to him later. Bruce doesn't wanna go through the whole push and pull, so he makes the executive decision to not say anything

It’s one of the few secrets that he keeps from his boyfriend. Clark can obviously tell the difference, but Bruce lies about the price. He’ll tell him it’s only a few hundred when it’s actually a few thousand or so

[brucedefender4eva]

Shh, any canon portrayals be damned, I don’t care how it actually is you should know this by now

Imagine if all the bats in their respective teams and associates do their best to be steadfast and reliable. This means that there’s no joking around, rarely any smiles, lectures rather than jokes, and overall, they can be described with the word stoic. They emulate Batman to the best of their abilities

Now, everyone knows they’re connected to Batman, trained by him, and there's a small inkling that they may have been raised by him for a short period of time, no concrete proof on that last one

They have no idea

The batkids know that they can relax and show more of their true personality when Dad is around. They don't have to focus on being leaders or making sure they don't die because they're often surrounded by people with superpowers that could possibly hurt them. Dad is there to protect them now

They’re so bright, happy, smiling, and talkative. They’re hanging off of Batman’s arms and back, freely pouting when he doesn’t give them enough praise, rummaging through his utility belt, stealing things from his hands. They’ve never seen them like this

[brucedefender4eva]

Bruce, who has extensive nerve damage all over his body and an insanely high pain tolerance, finds bumps and bruises all over his body without realizing when he gained them. It's always the small things that slip under his radar.

He’ll be reading a book in his study, and suddenly he notices a burn mark on his hand that he can’t remember getting. Yeah, he was in the kitchen earlier helping Alfred get stuff out of the oven, but he didn’t feel anything when he accidentally touched the hot pan.

He’ll be feeling a little dizzy after chasing Damian through the woods behind the manor, attributing his lightheadedness and weakness to overexertion since he and Damian were having so much fun. Turns out a thorn caught his pants and ripped down the side of his leg. He’s been bleeding profusely for a while and only noticed when Damian worriedly pointed it out.

No one else notices it for a long while, because why would Bruce ever feel like bringing this up to anyone around him, but slowly they start to pay more attention. Bruce doesn't enjoy that his kids can point out the fact that he's hurt before he bothers to take inventory of himself.

The kids start taking a page out of Bruce's book and carry around more bandages, not just for themselves. Bruce always has stuff on him, cause his kids are chaos junkies, but he deliberately chooses not to use them on himself when he gets hurt.

When Jason finds out that small tidbit, he almost cusses Bruce out, but Dick smacks him in the back of his head and asks him how that was gonna help the situation.

So yes, now Bruce reluctantly lets his kids cover him in Band-Aids whenever he gets even the smallest cuts or bruises.

Dick is the most dramatic when he puts bandages on, giving Bruce a loud, exaggerated kiss every time. Cass decides to follow in the footsteps of giving a kiss, but more sincerely, and asks Bruce to take care of himself. Jason tosses him a Band-Aid (specially made Red Hood themed) and nags him to pay attention before walking away, later nonchalantly trying to check if Bruce actually put the Band-Aid on.

Tim chooses the ugliest and worst Band-Aids he can find, and when Bruce jokingly complained, he found out Tim actually thought they were cute and got pouty for an hour until Bruce apologized. Stephanie exclusively has dinosaur Band-Aids specifically for him; she does not allow anyone else to use them.

Duke has all kinds of cartoons on his Band-Aids that Bruce has never heard of, but patiently listens to Duke rant and rave about the characters any day. Damian used to only use plain Band-Aids till Steph introduced him to the world of cute animal ones, and now he makes Bruce pick out which animal he wants.

Alfred uses normal Band-Aids, and all the kids boo him.

[brucedefender4eva]

The Batfam is in the process of moving some things around in the Batcave, and of course, they're really heavy. All of them are out of breath, and this close to just giving up and storming upstairs

"Bruce... this is... fucking torture..." Duke huffs, body strewn out over and unmoving, Steph face down on the ground. "You're gonna kill me... you'll kill all of us..."

Bruce lets out his own huff, arms burning as he fans an overheated Damian lying limp in his lap. It's a testament to how bad things are going if Damian has given up on maintaining his dignity and allows himself to be coddled.

"Wait..." Dick looks up from the ground. "Why... why don't we call Clark?"

Bruce winces, looking away from all the expectant gazes of his children. "Can't." He bites out, hoping they'll drop it. They don't.

"Can't or won't?" Jason narrows his eyes suspiciously.

Bruce groans. "Nosey ass kids. Why did I decide to have so many damn kids?"

"Yes, yes, regret comes in late in life." Cass agrees, scooting over and laying her head on his shoulder. "Why can't we call Clark? He always comes when you call."

Bruce lets out another grumble.

"Dad." Tim deadpans, peeling his back off the floor and sitting up. "In words we can all hear, please?"

"He's mad at me." Bruce rolls his eyes. "It's only cause he's being a little bitch." Bruce huffed before grimacing. "Don't repeat that, Habibi."

"Too late." Damian mumbles, eyes still closed.

"Focus, B man, what did you do that made Superman mad at you?" Duke asked, rolling onto the floor as Stephanie pushed him off to grab her water bottle.

"It can't be anything serious since you're not brooding around the house and shit." Jason narrows his eyes further. Actually, his eyes are closed. He just closed his eyes and face-planted onto the chair he was leaning against.

“You're right, it’s fuckin’ stupid.”

“Bruce.” Stephanie deadpanned, gesturing for him to just get on with it.

Bruce hummed and let out a soft sigh. "I accidentally called Oliver my best friend. We've literally known each other since we were kids, and it was just a slip of the tongue."

Cass turned her head and blinked at him. "That's it?"

"Told you it was stupid."

"Oh my gosh, I forgot how possessive he can get over that title." Dick groaned, massaging his temples. "You guys get into the dumbest arguments."

"So he's just being petty then?" Tim hummed.

A gust of wind blew through the cave, giving the bats a nice breeze on their sweaty skin. "I'm not being petty! It's simply a coincidence! I don't even care that much!" Superman, in the flesh, floated a few feet off the ground in his civilian clothing, arms crossed over his chest.

"... you were just listening in to our conversation?"

Clark floated backwards, away from Stephanie, who was very clearly giving off danger vibes. "I just... I just happened to tune in when ya'll were slandering me."

"Baba." Damian tugged on Bruce's sleeve. "We need to get the kryptonite."

"Hey!"

"Now that you're fucking here, you can move all this shit by yourself, Superman," Jason grunted, slowly dragging himself off the floor and heading to the elevator, prompting the rest of the batkids to follow suit, grumbling under their breath and cursing out Clark.

"B! You're not actually gonna leave me here all alone to move this stuff! Are you?"Clark pouted, making puppy dog eyes as he stared down at Bruce.

Unfortunately for him, Bruce was basically immune, and too tired from moving things to show sympathy.

Still holding his youngest as he pushed himself off the floor, he gave Clark a very 'Bruce trying to be nice during a meeting, but he actually lost his patience a long time ago.' smile and gave him a small pat on the shoulder. "I thought you said you weren't petty and it didn't affect you, Superman? Help a best friend out, hm?"

Clark simply pouted as he watched all of the Batfamily abandon him in the cave to move the heavy machinery, which he could easily move in half a second, feeling utterly betrayed.