ryu jitae | 22 | ivory hand | escort the angel "i'm scared to get close, and i hate being alone. i long for that feeling to not feel at all. the higher i get, the lower i sink. i can't drown my demons, they know to swim."
at this point, there really probably shouldâve been a special place in the cafe reserved just for jitae for the amount of time he actually spent in there over anywhere else. it was among his top places to spend time in, usually reading, but on the odd occasion; sleeping. like he was today. sometimes, switching between lux and minsu, others taking over his head and body for different lengths of time, it took it out of him both mentally and physically. and with everything going on right now.. even more so. it tired him out and after some time spent in the cafe that morning reading, jitae had nodded off a little while ago, coffee still half full on the table next to where his head had fallen to rest against the book heâd been reading. but it was long cold by now. still, he wasnât so sure how long jitaeâd let himself drift off for before some movement nearby was waking up the sleepy kid.
many a time he wondered if the heavy feeling he got after sunday service was reason enough for him to question if he was still worthy for his religion. and many a time he found himself questioning if he could even leave this life he lead after he exacted retribution on his father. after that, what else? was a constant thought in his head. in any case, heâd just finished sunday service and was just about to go get lunch when he found himself literally knocked on the ground and a thud was heard. âowâ!â he had groaned in pain before looking at the person who knocked into him. âi hope youâre fine because i think my spine isnât.â
minsu wasnât really sure what he was actually doing here or why he had to be awake right now, but well.. here he was. awake. grumpy-- as always. and he just wanted to sleep again. probably why minsu was making his way back slowly to the hotel so he could just sleep instead. he wasnât actually sure what time heâd slept as well, or what time it even was right now but he couldnât even be bothered figuring that out.. which would be easy, if minsu actually cared enough. still, too lost in his thoughts and half stomping his way along, the ivory hand male didnât even notice anyone else in front of him until he felt the contact and heard everything that followed. âsorry man, my bad.â he still sounded grouchy a little anyway, but he help out his hand to help the guy up. âspine might be bruised, but youâll survive.â
so iâm gonna do this while iâm here and try my replies properly later, but this is luxâs revamp-- and tbh i donât think any of you know, but lux was a revamp of a chara i already had so iâve fused them together and kept luxâs background and then the aspects of my old character i wanted back were his dissociative identity disorder, which was a major thing for him. so under the cut then iâll explain the main things there to do with that and how it applies to his background-- but please, please read this page either way, because it is really important to his character and understand him.
also, please like this post if you would like to plot with him, because i am kind of desperate for plots on him since iâd need to rework all his existing plots anyway.
dissociative identity disorder (more commonly, and previously known as âmultiple personality disorderâ) is a condition in which the identity of a person has been fragmented into two or more distinct personalities - those with this disorder have often developed it from previous trauma or severe abuse.
jitae: host personality - innocent, naive, shy, skittish, sweet, playful; heâs pretty much a sweetheart and as innocent as a child in some ways. very easy to get on with even though he can tend to get lost in his own head sometimes and he gets scared easily. jitae is the dominant personality, only just really, so she still holds control for the most part though minsu can overpower him quite easily as jitae is the weaker of the two, and when minsu first formed, jitae was practically nonexistent because minsu had dominance in order to protect him. he is also the youngest, is age appearing to be more so around 18/19.
minsu: protector/aggressive/dangerous personality - cautious, protective, aggressive, violent, guarded, confident, snarky, dangerous; a 180 of jitae and was the first to develop, brought out in order to protect jitae - however it doesnât make him rude or anything, itâs just looking after him. minsu is the one that can protect himself despite never having had much fighting experience himself (he took it from jitaeâs prior training), itâs just how he developed and he suffered through everything that jitaeâs mind couldnât. minsu comes out when jitae (or lux) feels threatened, is threatened or heâs scared; he takes over to protect him essentially: is sub-dominant to jitae, the two kind of fight for dominance. minsu is also the oldest, appearing to be more so around age 25/26.
lux: prostitute/sex personality - confident, flirty, shameless, sly, sneaky, playful, charming; this was the third personality to develop after jitae got force involved in working for various clubs and organisations as a stripper and escort - heâs there so that he doesnât break down when working and so he can effectively do his job. and lux does know that is the reason he was developed, so in a way he can be seen as a manifestation of everyone whoâs told him he was made for sex (and yes that is an angst for him). but he is the least dominant personality and he only really appears when he has to work, or jitae and minsu are asleep/no one else is conscious at the moment and he just kind of takes over. he is just as protective of jitae as minsu though, but lux canât deal with confrontation, so heâs like jitae in that way. and he is the middle child and actual age of jitae at 22.
basically when iâm playing him, itâll be in the tags which alter it is, and itâll be kinda obvious from me writing their name in a reply anyway
and if youâve read the did page youâll understand everything about that anywayÂ
but basically jitae is the host and identity the other two developed from
his background hasnât changed-- he was still sold at age 8 by his mother, and he still lived with the gang and was cared for so well by them
and then at 15 his father figure was killed and minsu developed when the new leader took interest in jitae and wanted him as a lover, that was how he developed and it was vv quick bcos of the trauma it caused
lux developed quickly after as well like over a few months when he was forced into prostitution and yeaÂ
so over that whole period of time until he was 20 and got out, minsu was the dominant alter, and lux was sub-dominant as he came out for work and stuff but jitae was non-existent, like he wasnât even near consciousness so thereâs 5 years of his life he doesnât remember, or want to remember, but itâs the reason his ageing kind of stunted and why his mindset it more around his late teens than early twenties reallyÂ
and yea, now after a couple years of being in the ih, jitae is dominant but minsu is sub-dominant and he still takes over a lot depending on situations and stuff and lux just comes out when he can squeeze into consciousness or heâs working tbh
and yea thatâs all i got for that instalment of kat does a revamp anyway
kang areum thought herself lucky to be in the gang of the ivory hand. that she was put in a gang of all females, staying with each other through thick and thin and finding the friendship that she had so desperately wished to have when she was in high school. and she may not spend as much time in central than most, areum never failed to catch up on some of her closest friends in there.
and it was why she knew about what happened with lux. it was concerning when she heard about lux walking in front of a moving bus and got himself hit on purpose, as if to take away his own life because of some dumbass. god, she didnât like men at all. and when she heard that lux was in her area, she had left her post to her most trustedâjust for a little whileâso she could go meet her friend. even so, areum was worried that in the time that she took to walk to where lux was would have the worst case scenario happening and it was her conscience and her head on the line. it was when she turned the corner and saw her friend did she finally breathe a sigh of relief. âlux!â
lux wasnât fully allowed to wander on his own yet, mostly because he was still wasnât very stable both probably in the mental sense and physical sense given that he was still on crutches for his leg, and his chest was still aching sometimes when he was moving too much. but with the trust of eunha and the other members, heâd at least been taken along to the area that he knew areum was in today, wanting to visit her given that he hadnât really gotten to since the whole incident happened anyway. so when he saw her, lux smiled a little, glad at least that someone had told her he was there anyway otherwise he had a feeling heâd be trying to walk even further than he wanted to. but he offered her a smile when his name was called. "noona,â he shifted, making his way slowly to meet her half way.
It wasnât like she hated them together; but she was antsy. She didnât want Lux to end up like her, having his heart broken time and time again by users, people who wanted her either for information, her body, or her money. She didnât want him to feel out  of place, like those were the only good things about him and it was for those reasons that she was so protective over him. It worried her, that his gang had the audacity to do this to them and yet he went on smiling with Lux like nothing had ever happened.  He had to know they were being framed, so was was he acting like what happened didnât happened. but she also saw something in the way the two looked at each other, how he manged to even bow to her as he leftâ That had Eunhaâs usual self pausing, looking between the two. As he leans into her touch, she sighs lightly  shaking her head, âIâm just glad youâre here and alive.â
lux didnât actually know what had went down with the wildings and the ivory hand. no one had told him yet, and maybe if he knew that then heâd have been more wary about things-- but right now, he just focused on eunha and that her presence at least comforted him even more.. knowing that she wasnât angry or mad at him for anything. or if she was, she wasnât showing it now, and he was grateful. he just wanted to know she was there. it was why he leaned into her touch and let himself just stay like that for a moment. âi.. iâm still sorry--â he whispered a little, looking up at her again, sadness and apology probably written on her face. âi didnât.. i didnât mean to scare you-- i didnât know.. i donât remember. i donât know why--â
Eunhaâs eyes flicker in between the two, arms folded across her chest as she gives the taller male a stern and harsh look. Whether they were dating or not, wasnât her biggest issue. But she had a lot of question she now had to fish for answers for. Rubied color lips part as the elder boy gives the other a soft âokayâ and 'byeâ before brushing past her. If Eunha didnât know any better, she probably wouldâve shouldered him at this point. She wonders if Lux had heard about the Ivory hand situation; and how he would feel about it knowing his.. boyfriend(?)âs gang had been apart of it. Once theyâre alone together, she sits on the side of his bed, running her fingers through his hair before lightly rubbing his back, âLux.. Why didnât you call me? You know Iâm always here for you.â The twenty four year old wasnât angry at him for hsi actions,  but she was disappointed in him. She knew that things got hard  and that.. it may seem to be the only solution, but she didnât understand the rationality behind it. Even if he was upset, she didnât think he was the type to disappear without saying something.
lux caught the look she was giving kwang, and it made him want to kind of sink back into the bed even further than he already was. it kind of worried him, and he thought back to what the elder male had been saying about fighting in front of a patient being a bad thing.. so really, he probably didn't have to worry about them arguing in front of him right now. but he still worried about that a lot. he didnât want to see either of them fighting. but he smiled softly and nodded when kwang spoke, before watching him leave. luxâs attention turned back to eunha then as she came over, closing his eyes a little and leaning into her touch. it was soothing. âi..i.. i donât know?â he opened his eyes then and looked up at her, apology in his eyes. âi canât remember.. i donât-- i-i donât know what happened.. or why.. iâm s-sorry--â
hospital was a place sera often tried to avoid, in which she believed most would as well, but she had her own reason. it reminded sera of her father. it wasnât like she was trying to forget her family ( not in the million years ) but she tended to avoid things that would remind her of them. she found it confusing, to have felt like this. she wished to be found yet she ran when they came for her, and now she didnât even know what she really wanted. âiâm sure you will. just listen to the doctor and youâll be fine in no time,â she reassured, another smile appeared on her lips. her eyes stared back at lux upon hearing his question. âiâve been wondering about the same thing too. i guess it got something to do with them being born cute? so they kinda look cute in everything,â she mused, letting out a chuckle afterwards. âwell, it can be fun.â she paused to look at him. âif youâre a masochist. but who in the world would enjoy being in pain anyways? whoever likes it must be crazy,â she shook her head gently at the thought.Â
he smiled softly, nodding because he definitely planned on doing what the doctors told him, and following the recovery plan they had because he kind of wanted to get out of here as soon as he could. he wanted things to go back to normal, his life to go back to normal-- âmhm.. the recovery process is apparently easy, but they just want to keep me in to watch me mostly. they only moved me to the psych ward a couple days ago anyway.â it was kind of scary being under watch, but he could at least understand where they were coming from. âmm.. maybe, but i still think thatâs weird. doesnât everyone go through phases of not looking cute?â lux didnât really think he was cute or anything special anyway, but he supposed everyone had different views on themselves. âah, yea-- i canât understand that.. s-some of my clients are though.â
If she could have came any faster, she probably would have. It seemed that everything in her life had  somehow fallen into shambles and she had no idea where exactly to start patching things up first; But Lux was always her priority. So she pushed her break up and familial issues aside and threw on her smallest pairs of heels and the most casual outfit she owned, and walked out of her apartment bare faced and hair thrown up in a messy bun. For those who knew Eunha, leaving the house without  at least a BB cream, lip tint and eyeliner were things she never did. But here she was, storming through the hospital like she damn near owned it. The woman at the counter was getting on her nerves, and if it wasnât for the fact that it was a hospital and it was crawling with security, she probably wouldâve shot the woman in the face by now. After her insisting that visiting hours were almost up and  that sheâd have to wait until tomorrow and Eunha telling her that wasnât going to happen, she finally snatched the room number an began her descent down the hall way sliding open the door to seeâ definitely not what she was expecting.âKnock it off, Iâm here. Leave.â She said to the other, eyes narrowing down to small slits as the other jumped away from Lux. âCome on, visiting hours are almost over and I want to talk to him.â
lux was well.. probably too focused on the kiss, how he felt and how different everything suddenly was that he didnât even hear the door opening. not until her voice reached him, making both him and kwang jump apparently, and luxâs eyes widening a little, almost panicked anyway. but it was just the fact that he hadnât expected anyone to suddenly enter. seeing eunha though, he kind of wanted to smile at the fact she was there now.. but he also felt a little worried sheâd be mad at him for all of this.. so instead lux was quiet as he moved the oxygen mask back over his face. honestly, he didnât really want kwang to have to levae now that she was here, but he did know that he could just call him later considering that heâd be leaving for a few days-- and lux did want to see eunha now.. apologise for apparently doing this. so when she told him to leave, the younger looked up at him, quietly, âiâll.. iâll talk to you later,â his voice was muffled again by the mask, but he offered a small smile before his innocent, apologetic eyes were back on the female, almost scared of meeting her eyes.
I could not tell you if I loved you the first moment I saw you, or if it was the second or third or fourth. But I remember the first moment I looked at you walking toward me and realized that somehow the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you.
Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Prince
(via wordsnquotes)
mornings with you taste like breaking
in reverse. my favorite kind of blooming.
hereâs a fact: you sound like streetlights
and salvation. hereâs another: i know
you can burn me but i still need the light.
the best part of me is when iâm with you.
