Life at Stage 4

Just a place to share my thoughts and just be myself after being diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.

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[gr8asholio]

Big news! Every 3 months I have to have a CT on my chest, abdomen and pelvis and a full body bone scan. I have been agonizing over it for weeks now as the last one i had showed that my first treatment was no longer working. It worked at first and then stopped working after about a month or two. So I started this new medication called Lynparza as well as my Lupron shots to stop all estrogen production so my cancer won't spread. My doctor personally called me to tell me the results of my scans. NO NEW GROWTH and my breast tumor has shrank by about half. It was about 4 cm and now it's about 2 cm. My body seems to also be trying to repair itself. So far, my new meds are working! I sobbed my heart out on the phone. I think I had a panic attack from all the pent up stress. Hopefully it keeps working. There is a pretty big side effect with this medication. I recognize and understand it. I accept it. I feel it is absolutely worth the risk as do my doctors. IF I am on this medication for 20 or 30 years I could end up with leukemia because of it. I have stage 4 cancer. If I live 20 or 30 years because of this medicine, I'd say that's a win. I never thought I'd root for a medicine that can give me cancer, but here we are. I just hope my scans continue to show no new growth and that I'm around for a long time.

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I promised to write every day and I immediately broke that promise. Not off to a great start. It's been a long day today. Started off arguing with my boyfriend over dumb stuff. We both have a lot on our shoulders right now and it just gets to us sometimes. We apologized pretty quickly, but it still takes a lot out of us both for different reasons.

I went to my appointment and met my new oncologist. My first impression is that I like him. He seems more open than my last one. More interested in getting my take on things. More personable too. I'm trusting him with my life so it makes me more comfortable when it's obvious he cares about me as a person.

One thing I'm still trying to keep in mind and learn to deal with is how this affects the people around me. I'm not the only one stressed out and afraid. I think my boyfriend is really going through it right now. He's the only one working. He feels he has to take care of me. That's a lot to put on someone. As afraid and overwhelmed as I am, I definitely need to take the time to be supportive of him as well.

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Your daily dose of cat memes

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Wholesome❤️ When my cat won't stop winding around my wheelchair she'll stop sideways in front of me and I pick her up with my feet and move her like I'm a forklift. She loves the "kitty forklift". It also counts as physical therapy so... beep beep beep..

[gr8asholio]

This is my first official post. I guess I'll start with the basics. This blog is a space for me to share what it's like to be me. It's also a part of my therapeutic process. I'll start by giving a rough overview of some of the things I may talk about.

I was diagnosed January 21, 2023 with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer at 36 years old. Since then my life has been dedicated entirely to my health and well being. I went from working 40 hours a week and standing on my own two feet one day, to being disabled and in a wheelchair almost overnight.

It's been an interesting experience. No one in my life reacted the way I thought they would. I was questioning my boyfriend's love for me before my diagnosis. That's laughable now. He's been amazing. I thought I had so many family members that loved me enough to stand by me. That too is laughable. My own mother will get an entire post to herself, I assure you. Her reaction was so bad that I haven't spoken to her in 5 months. Everyone I thought was my "ride or dies" up and VACATED my life with the exception of very few and even they aren't really around much or even trying to stay in contact. They just don't seem to notice I'm still here unless I call them and make them notice me. It's wild.

The people who have proved they are in my corner for the long haul though... they're amazing people. There are 3. My boyfriend and his parents. They have only known me 5 years. His mother talks to me almost every single day. They all do so much for me. They love me so much. It's humbling. I'll be writing a post very soon about them specifically. I just need to get my thoughts together.

I may even write posts about my illness itself or even weird side effects that you don't think of until it happens and what to do about some of them. I may talk about my mental and physical health. It may not be pretty. This is cancer. It's an ugly, hateful illness. I promise it won't be awful here either. I do try to keep a positive attitude and lean on the humor in every situation.

If this sounds interesting to you or you're just curious, then by all means, welcome and read on. I'll try to write something real once every day. No promises on how long it will be. The rest will just be random stuff that I like or found funny.

~Ash

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[gr8asholio]

Just let me do it 🤦🏼‍♀️

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