To Get Better @gra-n0-la - Tumblr Blog

pinkpegasus-deactivated20211102

Im scared I’m faking my ED without knowing it. What if I’m just making it up. Maybe I’m just forcing it.

Sometimes I’m binging, sometimes I’m restricting, sometimes I eat normally but still have ED thoughts, sometimes I have ortho tendencies, sometimes I’m addicted to exercising, sometimes I purge.

I wish I could just restrict and lose weight consistently instead of yoyoing

I hate when I’m hungry.... and I watch food videos on YouTube •-•

recovering-witch

Do you beat yourself up for not being able to restrict "as well" as you used to? Or because in the past you were able to force yourself to work out obsessively and now you just can't? Or because you used to be the best liar ever and now you suck at it? Do you consider yourself a failure because right now you're struggling with intrusive thoughts but cannot bring yourself to perform the disordered behaviors that used to do the trick to keep your mind at some sort of ease? Do you sometimes feel like you were faking your ED all along because you don't look nor consistently act like you do struggle with an ED anymore? Do you consider yourself too big, too lazy, too indulgent, too weak to have an ED? Do you feel like you don't get to feel scared of food or gaining weight or losing control now that everyone assumes you're "fixed" and "healthy"?

Because I do.

I hate how there are people out there who haven’t eaten in DAYS because of this virus, and yet I’m over here purging my food. I hate myself.

ossanhasong-deactivated20210123

When you resist buying trigger food all day just to get home and binge anyway with food you don't even really like

mentallyillmemes

recoveringminds1stepatatime

When one of your illnesses has been quiet for a while then it suddenly pops back up again

hazelwilsonworld

“Skipping breakfast and lunch is easy. The rest of the day is like hell.”

That’s true as HELL

I had a scary dream, but the part that stuck with me was this skinny looking girl saying “102lbs” in front of my family and she pointed at me...... what does this mean?

I hate having this gross feeling when I eat.

I was telling my sister some advice about exercising and she goes

“You’re telling us not to do cardio everyday, but yet you used to do it everyday?”

Yeah, because I have an eating disorder that caused me to do a ridiculous amounts of exercise.

My whole family is doing their own versions of “diets”

I’m about to UNO flip and go back to my old habits

Lowkey thinking about cancelling my meal plan or getting the lowest option. More money for me.

Anyone else in the college mindset of

“maybe I should not have a meal plan at all? 🤔”