Gracebella Sinclair

3. studying law. drink shit get lit. 🔥

[selection-oc-admins]

Prince chosen tonight!

It is scheduled that the prince will be chosen tonight sometime after 9pm EST. If you are working on an application and need extra time don’t hesitate to ask. We are flexible on time and it will NOT be held against you!

[gracebella-sinclair]

“oh i’m so- oh.” I paused and looked up at Asht- King Ashton.

“It’s you.” I sighed with a bit of a bitter tone. Twenty years later and you’re still bitter, really Gracey?

“Gracebella. I heard you were coming back.” Ashton replied.

“Ah yeah for the new selected. I’ve heard rumors you’ve aged horrible, glad I can now confirm them true.” I spat at him.

“I’d prefer we didn’t fight, Gracey.” He replied, trying to avoid my venom.

“Right. Don’t call me that King Ashton, I’d prefer you refer to me as Ms.Sinclair. Anyways, the only reason I came, aside from Yanely wishing to come for some reason, is that my daughter seems to find you greatly impressive for one reason or another. She wants to meet you if that’s alright.” I explained as my daughter samantha had made a beeline over to us once she saw me bump into him and was now hiding behind me. I didn’t want them to talk but I couldn’t bare to see Samantha so sad.

“Of course.” He allowed causing Samantha to let out a giddy laugh.

“Um! Hi! I’m Samantha Sinclair i-it’s a pleasure to meet y-you sir…I mean! King Ashton!” She introduced with a shaky voice and held her hand out for him to shake.

Ashton took her hand and shook it to her deep excitement. “It’s nice to meet you Samantha.” He said. Just then I thought I heard a painfully loud noise and looked towards the window. However I suppose it was just me.

“How old are you?” Ashton asked.

“I turned 20 last month, I’ve gotten to be so old now yet I still have got no clue what I’m doing.” She laughed as I tuned back in. Fuck. I would have stopped her Ashton didn’t need to know her age. Stupid noise.

“Well… what are you thinking you like?” He asked as he seemed to be thinking about something.

“I’m not really sure. I don’t take after my mother sadly so me memory is about that of a fish. Mo- i mean Yanely tried teaching me how to do gymnastics since i’m pretty tall again unlike my shorty mom.” She paused to laugh. Yes, very funny Samantha you’re 5’11 super hilarious.

“I’m not really good at anything and i don’t really like anything that I’m good enough at to use as a profession. I like soccer but i’m too much of a klutz.” She added with a nervous laugh.

“Maybe we could play sometime while you’re here. I know my younger brother has been itching to play.” He suggested. No no no no I’ll be stopping you there. Too close to my daughter.

“Hah maybe, my mom doesn’t want me to stay here too long, I had to fight her to let me come, she doesn’t like me being around too many people she says they’re dang-” samantha started to say but was cut off by me.

“Samantha doesn’t have the best social skills and got in many fights with people as a child for being too blunt, simply trying to avoid that.” I explained.

“I see. I’m sure a quick game with Cody, Winter, the kids and I doesn’t pose too much of a threat. What do you think, Grace- Ms. Sinclair.” He almost said my name, good correction.

“maybe not winter, as she once said I have claws the same goes for her. I wouldn’t want her to be too competitive against my little sammy.” I paused to think once more. It’d seem petty if I didn’t let her. Plus Samantha would likely cause a scene.

“But I suppose it wouldn’t hurt too much.” I added with a sigh.

“yay! We live by the beach so I especially don’t get to play often since it’s hard to play soccer in sand. Anyways, my mother told me once that apparently my fath-” er used to play soccer. I’ll be stopping you right there Samantha. You know we don’t talk about him

“I think that’s enough soccer talk, didn’t you have something you wanted to ask King ashton?” I prompted.

“Ah right! I was wondering how you never mess up when you talk on the television, like is there some trick? I always used to panic during presentations in school, and i still have issues with job interviews and not stuttering.” I asked.

Ashton laughed “Practice makes perfect I guess. I’ve always been decent at talking to people, but the key is to just keep doing it.” He answered.

“yeah decent.” I scoffed dryly.

“mom! That’s mean.” Samantha said growing embarrassed. Ah right celebrity crush, should be nicer.

“not mean, honest. Anyways I think you should go and go to bed sweetheart you get crabby when you don’t get enough sleep.” I suggested hoping she’d leave. She didn’t need Ashton’s influence. She was so sweet and pure, even with me as her mother she probably doesn’t even know how to swear.

“I’m 20 years old I can monitor my own sleep, thank you very much.” She replied smugly.

“fine.” I gave in not caring to fight with her right now.

“Maybe I should leave you two alone?” Ashton suggested causing Samantha to look incredibly depressed. Fine I’ll leave then. See how well you do having a conversation with him by yourself.

“no it’s fine. However I’d like to excuse myself being Winter is here and I haven’t seen my snowh- friend in ages.” I excused and made my way across the room, however was sure to hiss “if you’re mean to her your head will be on a stick in the morning.” as I passed Ashton.

After a few moments Samantha came back to me. “Mom, he wants to talk to you alone.” distress filled me immediately. No its probably nothing, maybe she told him how much I talk shit about him.

Once we walked back over to him Samanth excused herself to go to the snack table.

“What?” I asked using impatience to hide my fear.

“We need to have a conversation.” Ashton said sternly.

“About what? The fighting? Since I agreed not to so there isn’t much else to talk about.” I asked trying to now seem nonchalant.

“When is Samantha’s birthday?” He asked. no

“Why do you want to know?” I asked but berated myself for my voice shaking for even one minute, already thinking of every law I could use to defend her. He couldn’t take her away.

“She’s twenty.” He replied. A month older than Haiden. She’d have to have been conceived before Ashton’s selection ended. No let’s go with what we’ve planned.

“Yeah so? adoption’s a thing.” I replied putting up my act again.

“She looks like you.” He replied.

“Maybe I chose a kid who did.” God I shouldn’t have said maybe, how is he supposed to believe this if even I don’t.

“Gracebella. Is she my daughter?” He asked no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no don’t do it

“No she’s not… You are the person who… assisted, in her creation, but you are not her father and she is not your daughter.” I let out. God well she’s sure to be killed, kidnapped, or locked away from me forever now.

Shock hit him first then,“Where the FUCK did you get the idea that you could keep this from me?” He yelled at me.

“Gracebella do you have any idea what this means?” He asked, yes I do. Which is exactly why I can’t let you take her.

“It means nothing. Clearly I can keep this from you as I have for twenty years. Her blood relation means nothing. You did not raise her, she is not yours. You have no legal or personal claim to her.” I replied preparing my legal argument next.

“You had no right. My ASS I have no claim. She is technically the rightful heir of Illéa!” Ashton yelled. Technically she wouldn’t live long enough to be the heir. But Ashton wouldn’t kill her he’d probably have her legally legitimized too, perhaps he doesn’t know he can though, and I have the upper hand with legal experience.

“No she is not. It’s not your name on her birth certificate, and her last name is not Schreave. She is legally not the heir of Illéa, and you are legally not her father.” I said. That would only stall though, he could hire a lawyer and change her birth certificate after a paternity test.

“Why? Why keep her from me? Why do you hate me so much?” he asked.

“I don’t hate you, I didn’t do this out of hate. I don’t want to have a child as an heir. I work hard and I have a legacy of being able get people to transfer their castes, i constantly speak about the freedom to chose your own life, what kind of person would I be if i said those things and then chained my child to this life. Sure I may have started off by hiding her in rage, but that was just because you already had so much going on, not to mention it’d be very much legal for you to kill her as she was born out of marriage.” I defended.

He sighed “I wish I’d known.” He said.

“Why? So you could take her away from me and either hide her away or force her into a life of unhappiness?” I hissed.

“So I could know her. You know better than anyone that I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone. But I wish I’d been able to talk to her, to know my daughter.” He replied.

“Well she’s not your daughter. She’s my daughter, you’ve already got plenty of kids: haiden, eloise, elaine. Samantha is mine and you can’t have her and never could have. In fact I’d like to send her home early so she won’t have to talk to you ever again.” I replied and crossed my arms.

“I am your superior, Gracebella. Or have you forgotten? It is complete within my power to keep her here, at the palace. I could even demand a paternity test. The second she is linked to me, you forfeit all claim to her. I am your King, Gracebella. It would do you well to remember that fact.” He threatened. I bit the inside of my cheek as I thought.

“You wouldn’t be able to do that, as her biological and legal mother I have the right to claim her regardless of the father unless there is significant reason such as abuse or neglect. And Ashton, I doubt you remember this but after you eliminated me I was able to entirely vanish, I could easily do that again and then you wouldn’t be able to do squat, you can say something all you want but if you can’t act on it there’s no point.” I threatened back, god I want to push him he’s so annoying.

“Think about Samantha, Gracey. She doesn’t deserve this.” He tried to reason.

“You’re right. She doesn’t deserve to have to live entirely hidden, that’s why i’ll only make her if you force me. But she doesn’t deserve to be forced into the life you want her to be in just so you can bond with a girl you don’t know, and don’t call me Gracey.” I replied.

“I don’t want this life for her. But I want to know what she’s like! I want to talk to her.” He argued.

“Does she know?” he asked.

“No, she doesn’t and it’s going to stay this way. She’s happy as she is now, what you want will just make her confused.” I replied now trying to reason with him. If he told her it’d be game over.

“Gracebella, please…” He begged.

“Please what? You told me to think about what’s best for her now you do the same. Do you really think what you want would be good for her or make her happy?” I argued against him.

“I think she deserves to know the truth.” He said.

“Well I don’t think so, and I’m her mother so that’s that.” I said running out of arguments.

“How is this good for her? Don’t you think she’s ever wondered?” He asked.

“Yeah she did, and I told her her father was an asshole golfer from clermont. At least one aspect was accurate.” I mumbled the last part.

“I know we’ve had our issues Gracebella, but this is low, even for you.” Ashton hissed. That hurt I already said I’m not doing this for me.

“Again I’m not doing because I hate you. I’m doing this to protect Samantha.” I replied coldly.

“This is not protecting her!” He yelled.

“Yes it is! I’m protecting her from the stress and the aspects of living as you had to. I’m protecting her from the people who would wish her dead for being illegitimate, and I’m protecting her from all the other dangerous in your life.” I listed.

“You won’t even let me talk to her!” he yelled. “Because you’re going to tell her and who knows what she’ll do once she knows.” I defended.

“I won’t. If you let me talk to her, if you let me get to know her, I swear to you, Gracebella, I won’t tell her anything.” He pleaded. I grinded my teeth as I thought. There was no good reason to deny that request.

“Fine. But you have to do it in a discreet way. Find a good reason to talk to her and I want to be present when you talk.” I bargained.

“Tomorrow. I’ll invite her to play soccer with us tomorrow.” Ashton suggested, that’s it. After that he won’t see her again and we can go back to our happy normal life.

“Fine. Who are all of the others playing I want to know who’s going to be around her.” I asked.

“Cody, maybe Haiden, though he hasn’t played in years.” He said. Prince Haiden, I didn’t trust a single cell in his body. He’s much too similar to Alizé. The twins were better.

“ Do you really think Samantha and Haiden should hang out? Couldn’t you see that going horribly wrong?” I suggested hoping he’d catch that I meant Haiden finding out.

“Hasn’t it already gone horribly wrong? Did you really think I wouldn’t put the pieces together?” He asked.

“No I didn’t think you would. I didn’t see a reason why she would say her age or why you asked and if that happened I could say adoption and change the topic.” I defended. I’m not a moron.

“Give me a little credit, Gracebella. I’m not that daft.” He replied.

“I don’t know you’re old and have a crappy memory and I was hoping she wouldn’t talk as much as she did.” I grumbled.

“We’re basically the same age.” well, I’m at least a year younger.

“Yeah but like I have and had a good memory and you haven’t and don’t.” I insulted.

“It was basic math. Doesn’t have much to do with my memory.” Ashton replied.

“But maybe you can’t remember how long ago the selection was or the specific month I was eliminated.” I suggested.

“I think about it all the time, you know. The Selection.” Ashton said.

“Why? Shouldn’t you be happily married and at peace only focusing on your country?” I asked.

“I am happily married. I know I made the right choice. I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I hadn’t chosen Alizé. But by not choosing all of you, I lost friends. I thought we were friends, once.” He said. Right, friends.

“Yeah I’m sureeeee you saw me as a friend, not anything more than just someone to fuck around with.” I replied with more than just a hint of sarcasm.

“No matter how many times I tell you you that whatever you think I felt for you is wrong, you’ll never believe me.” Ashton sighed. He’s still such a freaking liar.

“It’s not my fault that you chose to do with me what you did. I believe what I believe off of facts, the actions that you did. Not off of what I want to believe.” I retorted.

“You know it never would have worked out between us, Gracebella. You would have hated it here. None of that means that I didn’t love you.” He seems to think I’m bitter I didn’t win. At first though the idea of forgiveness for what he did to me came to my mind. But he’s not really sorry, he doesn’t deserve it. And me being bitter? That’s not it. I’m perfectly happy and love Yanely. I would never want to change that. What hurt me was the way he was able to act like he enjoyed me and wanted to spend time with me. That he’d lay in bed with me one day talking about how wrong the world is, then the next be throwing me away like a piece of trash. He could have at least told me first that he was going to get rid of me rather than just listing it aloud and not even telling me without me hunting him down. It made me feel used and hurt, and he couldn’t even try to understand how I felt.

talking about this made me vulnerable and I hated it, well he wasn’t going to get away with hurting me, if he wanted to get yelled at a second time he’d get it. Lucky for him though Samantha came back. She mumbled something to me, I think it was a question involving the roof? Maybe she wants to go up for some fresh air.

“Yes.” I replied hoping that would fit with the situation. What is wrong with my tonight? Maybe I need a new medication.

I turned to look at Samantha as she left but saw her leaving with Haiden.

“wait, what did she ask?” I asked Ashton trying to catch up. He smirked before saying

“Seems it’s a little too late for you to try and keep her and Haiden apart.” He said. Haiden and her hanging out on the roof. It just screamed danger.

“I don’t think it’s very appropriate for your son to be going up on the roof, what if someone tried to break in that way?” I suggested trying to reason with Ashton. Though really I shouldn’t Ashton was the one who would get drunk with me, talked about doing drugs, and rode terrifying roller coasters back in my risky days. He probably couldn’t see any harm in them being on the roof.

“He’s a good kid, Gracebella. Cut him a little slack.” Ashton replied, no I’m not worried about Haiden hurting her, she’d beat his ass

“Fine I suppose. He seems weak though, and with issues with rebels lately, i mean they killed that one selected Azalea. Is it legitimately safe for them to be up there?” I asked.

“They’re fine.” He said. Not very assuring. I sighed and decided I’d just have to go and watch them. First I’d have to get out of this conversation with Ashton.

“Don’t tell Alizé about this, or anyone else for this matter. More people than I would like already know but as of now it’s only me, you, winter, yanely, and cillia and that’s it.” I added almost forgetting. That bitch would dig my grave and push me in it.

“I’m not going to keep this from my wife. Liz and I don’t have secrets.” Ew Liz. That nickname is meant for cute people not for bitches. We tried to resolve things but we didn’t have the time, so if she still hates me good for her the feelings mutual.

“Alizé already hates me. Adding that on she’d probably take it out on Samantha.” I reasoned.

“We’ve all grown up. She won’t do anything, but I will not keep this from her.” right, maybe everyone but you.

“Fine. If she does do something though I will be printing out a card with I told you so on it.” I replied stubbornly.

“Have a little faith in people, jeez.” Ashton said.

“I have faith in people, I don’t have faith in Alizé. Regardless of how much time has past I make my judgements off of my experiences and my experiences with her are not pleasant ones. Maybe that’ll change but that depends on her actions.” I defended.

“Loosen up a bit, would ya? We’re all here for a party, are we not?” He said. Oh there he is the Ashton who can never take anything seriously.

“Right. Well then I’ll go talk to someone I enjoy like Yanely. Have a nice rest of your day.” I said and turned around. I’d have to find my way to the roof next. Cillia led me there once or twice.

“I’m sure I will.” He grumbed.

[haidenschreave]

Challenge 4 | Birthday Ball and a Visit from the Former Selected

Due to some time constraints, I’ll be publishing this challenge before I publish eliminations. They’ll hopefully be up soon, but in the mean time, we’ll get a head start on the next challenge:This challenge will count against you in the Selection, or for you, and is not optional. You can use anything to fulfill this challenge (edits, gifs, fics, etc.)

Prompt: This week you’ll be attending a ball in Prince Haiden’s honor for his 20th birthday. Along with that, we’re expecting a visit from 7 of the Elite from the last Selection, so you may speak with them as well.

How are you feeling as a member of the Elite?

What did you do at the party?

Did you speak to any of the former Selected? Why or why not?

How much further do you expect to come in this competition?

The former Selected that will be attending are as follows:

@avalonbrooks

@winter-havilliard

@yanely-genovious

@roxanawatelovesbritishliterature

@gracebella-sinclair

@cillia-elizabeth-rountree

@lady-cornemuseur-prinz

You will have one (1) week to complete this task, and there will be more to follow. This challenge will close Wednesday, March 22nd

[gracebella-sinclair]

I like socializing

[yanely-genovious]

I’m here as well if you like drinking and philosophical debates.

[gracebella-sinclair]

I think they're too young to be drinking, they're just children like little sammy. Your influence could be bad on them.

[gracebella-sinclair]

Hi guys!

I reaally love people, plus I went through this thing like you, and i've got the sweetest daughter keeping me fresh and up to date on the daily swaggy-slang ;)

[haidenschreave]

Challenge 4 | Birthday Ball and a Visit from the Former Selected

Due to some time constraints, I’ll be publishing this challenge before I publish eliminations. They’ll hopefully be up soon, but in the mean time, we’ll get a head start on the next challenge:This challenge will count against you in the Selection, or for you, and is not optional. You can use anything to fulfill this challenge (edits, gifs, fics, etc.)

Prompt: This week you’ll be attending a ball in Prince Haiden’s honor for his 20th birthday. Along with that, we’re expecting a visit from 7 of the Elite from the last Selection, so you may speak with them as well.

How are you feeling as a member of the Elite?

What did you do at the party?

Did you speak to any of the former Selected? Why or why not?

How much further do you expect to come in this competition?

The former Selected that will be attending are as follows:

@avalonbrooks

@winter-havilliard

@yanely-genovious

@roxanawatelovesbritishliterature

@gracebella-sinclair

@cillia-elizabeth-rountree

@lady-cornemuseur-prinz

You will have one (1) week to complete this task, and there will be more to follow. This challenge will close Wednesday, March 22nd

[gracebella-sinclair]

I like socializing

[haidenschreave]

Your dad was a slut from what I heard. Trying to slut shame him huh???

What are you talking about? I’d hardly call my father a slut.

[gracebella-sinclair]

@ashtonschreave

[readingslumps]

this is basically the crown in a buzzfeed article

[gracebella-sinclair]

@yanely-genovious @yanely-genovious @yanely-genovious @yanely-genovious 😍😍😘😘😘❤❤❤ @ladycambianiscovar @lady-cornemuseur-prinz @velvetwriter-selectionoc @winter-havilliard @cillia-elizabeth-rountree @avalonbrooks @ladyanj @roxanawatelovesbritishliterature @ladyhollygwen @ladyalizemabo @scarlettviliana @ashtonschreave

[gracebella-sinclair]

Gracebella Sinclair: Falling From Grace

IT’S LESS THAN 5K WORDS IT’S ONLY LIKE 3K SO READ THIS BITCH YOU WHORES.

“That’s not it, gracey. you have every right to ask why. You’d be a great Queen gracey, but it’s not what you should be doing. you should be going to court and helping to change the problems in our country, hands on. I tried to be okay with keeping you here, but i’m not.” what the fuck, what the fuck , what the fuck, What the fuck?, no no no no, didn’t he see what kind of reasoning that was? It was stupid, there had to be a better reason. That’s not something you just decide, you talk about it first, something inspires that choice. It doesn’t just pop up.

“Like I’m going to be able to change much, I’m a useless girl. I’ll never be listened to, it doesn’t matter what I want. You might have thought I had to go to change things but that’s one of the big reasons I wanted to stay, I genuinely like you Ashton, that’s something I didn’t think I’d be able to do again after all that happened, I knew I’d be able to change things if I could be Queen, not be useless like I’m always going to be. Is that genuinely the real reason you eliminated me or is it because you think I’m awful, do you just think I’m a worthless piece of ass like everyone else? I’m just a stupid slut who you wanted to toss aside now that it was getting to be ‘serious’?” I hissed almost taking a step back from him, but then took a step forward, I wasn’t going to look weak.

“Gracey, if you keep thinking of yourself like that, you’ll force that opinion on other people. And if you don’t even try to change the world, you never will.” No no no! So stupid!

“I can try but I will fail. You can try to walk on the sun but you’ll fail, there are some things that are certain to fail. I cannot succeeded in changing anything because I’m useless, and mentally ruined, and I can’t even focus enough to make a guy like me apparently I suppose I don’t need that in life though, but still I can barely think properly, and I have to keep track of some moron to pay him off, and keep making sure a bunch of children can somehow switch to being threes which is hard enough when they’re even a four let alone some of the eights who are hoping they can cling to me. Realistically I’ll go bankrupt, fail as a lawyer, and end up a failure like my father!” I yelled tapping my foot.

“It’s not my job to pick you up when you’re down gracey. yeah, you’ve had a shit life for the most part, and people suck and the world sucks and life isn’t fair. you already know all of that, we all do. so stop backing away from becoming more because you’re afraid you’ll trip. do what you want, roll with the punches. suck it up and live your life, Gracey.” He said. How. Dare. He.

“I know it’s not your job to deal with me! It’s not anyone’s just to deal with me! That’s not what I want from you! It’s just so irritating. I’m not backing away from fear I’m backing a away from reality, if you had a death sentence you wouldn’t say, oh stop trying to avoid being executed of fear. And I don’t have a life to live! I have literally no control over anything, I don’t even want to be a lawyer for God’s sake! It was a stupid choice I made when I was what 7? 8? Because I have no control over anything in my life, I can’t take control over anything I can’t live anything because I’m just a puppet, Ashton!” I yelled, I knew it’d be way for him to refute that. Just spin it on how he’s always known his fate, about how he didn’t even get to pick what he wanted to do. At least I had 7 or 8 years of freedom.

“Then cut the strings. stop acting like a child and grow up gracey. if you would just open your eyes, you’d see a very different world from the one you assume you live in. Being queen wouldn’t change the way you see the world, or yourself.” like he knows anything about me, he hasn’t seen shit about me. He doesn’t know a thing.

“I don’t assume I live in anything, clearly it’s a good reason you eliminated me because you know nothing about me. And yes it would have, it would have given me some control! And you’re saying to cut the cords how do you suppose I do that, toss my years of education out the window, ignore my family, and I don’t know hit my head upside a wall so I can’t remember anything?! You can’t just cut off your past Ashton.” I yelled back at him, my reasoning was solid in this, but what was the point of arguing, it’s not like he could take back eliminating me. It’s not like he could give me back my happiness.

“Jesus, why are you so pissed gracey? you’re just making this worse for yourself.” Ashton grumbled.

“Don’t call me Gracey!” He didn’t have the right to call me that. “Don’t I have a right to be pissy? It has taken me so long to trust people, let alone actually love someone again, I feel betrayed, though I know that I shouldn’t because you have every right to not love me back, but I am not like the previous girls who may have been able to conceal their feelings and just smile off with a bat of their eye, I actually have feelings, and I actually really really liked you Ashton!” I pleaded.

“I know.” He replied calming. Gosh he was so annoying!

“UGHS! no you don’t know, you have no idea how I feel, and you have no idea what I want, you don’t know anything!” I yelled then pushed him back. For a moment I feared he would have me dragged away, but he seemed to respond with more anger back.

“Stop it. stop WHINING all the time. GROW UP, Gracebella!” Ashton yelled at me. Why was he only so horrible to you once you were eliminated? Why was he such a liar?

“Fine, good day!” I yelled before stomping away. I had more important things to do. I had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye to Yanely, then to Winter. Then I’d pack up and who knows what. How could I ever think he’d love me, this was just a waste of time. No one should love me.

“I just got eliminated.” I mumbled to Yanely, we were still fighting, maybe she didn’t even want to see me.

“I know.” she replied, I bet she’s happy I’ll be leaving her.

“I should have seen it coming, no one could ever love someone like me.” No one should either. I’ll just end up disappointing them in the end.

“That’s not true. Don’t ever say that. Ashton was just not the right person. It’s okay.” Yanely said trying to comfort me to my surprise.

“No one’s the right person, and it’s about time that I learn that they aren’t the wrong people, I’m the wrong person. I’m unlovable. I’m whiny, and pissy, and rude, and used, and worthless.” I said now cracking a bit, letting Yanely see passed my shield of a pissy crybaby.

“Hey, don’t let a couple relationship failures get in the way of you finding happiness.” she said, she was trying to reason with me, but she didn’t understand, there was no hope for me.

“I don’t deserve happiness, I’ll only cause misery for my partner. I should just die.” I admitted bluntly.

“No, fucking stop it, Gracey. Don’t say that.” Yanely replied harshly.

“But it’s true. I’m a bother to everyone, you hate me, winter hates me, Ashton hates me, my mother hates me, my father hates me, clearly I’m just an awful person.” it was about time I saw it, it was only reality. It was also time I admitted the truth, that I showed the world how useless I truly am. That I show those who once had admired me, that those who remember everything are destined to fall, the life of a human is too much to remember. The pains of a human are too much to remember. I need to break my ties then find Cillia, Cillia will accept my crazy, and I need acceptance. After all, falls from grace are never elegant.

“No, Gracey, no one hates you here. Ashton doesn’t hate you, Winter doesn’t hate you, I… I don’t hate you.” lies, everyone does. Except maybe Cillia, but that’s just because she barely knows me. She will soon.

“Yes you do! You hate me! You think I’m rude, you even wished I would suffocate!” I cried and pressed my forehead onto her shoulder hiding my face.

“I was upset! I was irrational and—and it was wrong of me to say that. I’m sorry.” Yanely apologized.

“It’s fine, you weren’t wrong, I deserved it, I’m stuck up, and as Ashton said you should live life, I shouldn’t stop you from doing what you want. Maybe if I were more impulsive I’d be a better person.” I person Ashton would want to keep, a person who wouldn’t be hated by everyone including herself.

“No, you shouldn’t change yourself. You’re perfect.” Yanely replied and rested her hand on the back of my head.

“You’re not horrendous. Don’t say that about yourself.” she tried to argue, it was only the truth, as truthful as saying I had she had dark brown hair.

“It’s just the truth.” I replied speaking honestly.

“It’s not something you can present in a courtroom.” she stated and took a pause for a moment, mentally preparing her next line.

“You are perfect, beyond a reasonable doubt.” She added, that made me smile. A lawyer lingo joke.

I leaned up and gave her a tight hug, taking in her smell for probably the last time. Saying goodbye to Yanely felt so bittersweet, but it was also painful. Probably because we were such close friends.

“I am going to miss you so much Yanely. Even though we just met less than a year ago I already feel too close to you. A world without you seems more painful than the elimination itself. I suppose that’s why friends matter more than boys apparently.” I lamented before pulling away from our hug.

“Hoes before bros. And you’ll always be a hoe.” she replied to which I smirked as we held eye contact, my blue eyes gazing into a pair of similar ones.

Next was Winter.

“I just got eliminated.” I sighed starting the conversation the same as with Yanely, but with significantly

“Me too apparently.” she replied a tad bit sarcastically. Of course an elimination was different for her. She wouldn’t be affected, she’d stay for Cody.

“At least you get to stay here, at least you get to be with the person you love.” I sighed trying not to sound jealous or bitter, but I was. Not jealous of Cody, but jealous of her and Cody’s relationship, as complicated as it was it was simple.

“You will too. Clearly Ashton wasn’t the one- good riddance to.” Winter replied jokingly. I understood she was trying to be funny and light but I wasn’t what I needed at the moment.

“No I don’t, I don’t deserve love, I’ll just become a nun or something.” I said ignoring my needs and trying to make the conversation a little lighter as well before a plummeted it into depression.

“Honey, I think you and I both know the convent isn’t for you. And of course you deserve love. Everyone does.” She replied taking note of the first part of my last comment.

“I could do it, or I could just jump off a cliff and already get to my inevitable end.” I said ignoring my argument about not deserving love and just going straight to suicide.

“I’ll kill you first.” Winter replied bitterly as she crossed her arms.

“Thank you, please do. No wait that’d be assisting in suicide which is a crime.” Can’t have her ending up with her brother.

“Gracey…” Winter replied a bit awkwardly, no, I can’t have our last conversation be awkward.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. Invite me to your wedding. I bet it’ll be lovely.” I said before giving her a tight hug, probably the last one I’ll give her. She can’t invite a corpse to a wedding anyways. “I’ll miss you.” I added before turning to walk to my roo- my old guest room, I had a couple of things to grab before I could leave. I wanted to say goodbye to Tiffany anyways.

“knock knock?” I said from the open door as Tiffany was already inside folding my blankets.

“Oh…Gracey, you don’t have to knock it’s your own room.” Tiffany said and set down her work.

“Technically not, especially now.” I replied as I stepped into the room, I walked to the desk and got my duffle bag starting to put empty pill bottles and pictures, stationery, the little things I brought up.

“I could throw those away for you?” She offered about the pill bottles.

“No it’s fine, I like to keep them, weird thing I hoard.” I replied.

“You know, none of us expected you would be next, the servants I mean. Lady Roxana, and Lady Winter were expected. But we did not think you would come next. You seemed to have an actual relationship with him.” Tiffany said quietly as she folded the sheets.

“It’s alright, apparently he doesn’t want me to waste my time here.” I said not wanting to go into further detail of my confrontation of him.

A moment of silence followed, only the shuffling of our cleaning being heard, removing every trace I was ever hear.

“Would you like your dresses? I’m sure you could take some home, they’re made specifically for you after all, and as a three you may have the occasion to wear one, especially if you do as why I think you’re being eliminated and become a famous mind.” Tiffany suggested.

“No thank you, I’m sure you could find a better use for them. Besides I’m giving up on being a lawyer.” I said.

“what why?” She replied quickly.

“I just don’t see a point to it anymore. My father always said I should have been a scientist anyways.” I replied giving her false hope I would move into a different area of study. Maybe he was right. If I had been a scientist, none of this would have happened. I would have gotten my letter a different day, maybe I would already even be in a relationship right now, I could be happy right now, maybe out of three country on some great global study, instead I’m here. At least I won’t be alive much longer.

“Pardon me, Ms.Sinclair?” I heard Nancy say from the door. Ms. Sinclair, I suppose that was a more fitting name for now. I was just an average ms. After all. Maybe I should have gotten a doctored. That would make me sound cooler. Oh well, can’t change it now. Instead I didn’t even make it to graduation, I missed it for the selection. Oh well. At least I had a place to live for a while, Jessica had offered to let me live with her and her boyfriend for awhile. I won’t need that for long. I’m slipping.

“yes?” I responded to Mrs. Nancy before turning to face her. She had a small bag.

“this has some of your belongings from before you got here, you phone, a change of clothes, other such stuff.” she said before handing it to me.

“Have a good like Ms.Sinclair.” she added before quickly turning and leaving. Must be awkward to see her failures. I then turned and stepped into the bathroom and pulled out my normal clothing.

I didn’t like jeans, but I didn’t feel like wearing a skirt, neither a dress, so I was thankful when I pulled out some black shorts, and a white tee-shirt. It was simple. It’s what I wanted.

“Tiffany!” I yelled from the bathroom.

“um, yes Gracey?” She replied sounding close to the door.

“Can you please bring me something a drink? A final goodbye gift?” I asked knowing she’d know what I meant.

A couple hours after cleaning in drinking I used my cell phone to call the Angeles Faith Jailhouse.

“Hey Cillia, what jail are you in? I just got eliminated I’ll pay your bail, let’s go to a bar.” I suggested, though I knew fully well what jail she was in. Fuck money, I could pay her bail if I didn’t let Jason hold me down. Fuck Jason. I’ll be the eliminated who went down in flames.

“I don’t know you’re the one who knows these things. And sure, but can we bring the fiend?” She asked. I thought for a moment about if we really should bring the fiend or not. But I suppose it can’t hurt, why is he even still in jail?

“Sure, we can bring the fiend, I’ll figure it out. Just make sure he’s not crying again.” I replied permitting her request.

“Nah he’s chill right now.” Cillia replied.

“Good, I’ll see you then.” I replied before quickly hanging up. Leaving the palace wasn’t as suspenseful as I thought. Just had to go through a few guards to make sure I wasn’t stealing anything. It’s not like I needed to though, I was a three, a rich three at that.

They offered us cars to take us to the airport, but I ignored them and called a taxi myself, only saying I was planning on saying in the city for awhile when asked. I mean, I guess that’s where they’d find my body.

“Where to, princess?” the driver asked as I slid into the back seat. The nickname stung a bit.

“Um, the Angeles Faith Jailhous- wait no, take me to the nearest mall first.” I asked.

“what are you planning on shopping off your heartbreak?” He teased.

“Sir, do you know which of the selected I am, my name is Gracebella Sinclair, I’m the drama Queen of this thing, and if you’ve read anything about me you should know I used to be a party girl, and I’m now without reigns.” I replied as I laid down not bothering to buckle in.

“So where to?” He asked once more.

“Nearest mall, did I stutter?” I nearly hissed.

“wait outside for me, I’ll be back once quickly. You can keep your meter going during that time.” I added before my phone rung. The ring sounded so stranger after the months without it.

“Yes?” I answered.

“Grace, darling, I heard you weren’t coming home, what are you doing?” My mother asked trying to sound calm. My chaotic behavior came from her, that’s what I think at least, then again, my birth mother killed herself as well.

“You said it was better to be a politician in Angeles, right? Well I’ve decided to move here!” I said acting happy, I noticed the taxi driver roll his eyes. He probably had been able to see that it was a lie.

“Good, you’re finally being obedient! Look to take down the current representative for Angeles, he’s an unelected official, I’ve also heard rumors he cheats on his wife all the time, he’s an easy kill.” My mother replied.

“I’ll be sure to do that!” I replied in a peppy voice.

“I’m going out with some friends to celebrate though, so I’ll call you back later tonight from my hotel room?” I suggested. Invite me to the wedding, a scientist, a politician, the lies were starting to gather. At least I was honest to Yanely.

“Sure, take your time, Grace.” My mother, I could hear her impatience in her voice.

“bye, I love you, mother.” I replied before hanging up the phone.

“Hey, Mr. Driver, where can I get cheap weed in this city?” I asked leaning forward, my breasts spilling out off the top.

“Send a nude to this number, it’s mine, and i’ll get you some, sweetcheeks.” He said and slid a small sticky note back with a number.

“Mkay, I will once I get the weed then.” I replied.

“nude first.” the taxi driver replied, I leaned forward more squishing my boobs up more, but not fully letting them out.

“A distracted driver is no good, weed first, then nude, or no nude.” I ended the conversation with and crossed my arms over my chest, as well as crossed my left leg over my right.

“Fine.” He agreed reluctantly.

“Good boy.” I replied a bit in a teasing manner.

“Oh I need enough for like a party too, like say 30 people. I’ll pay you as much as you need, I have cash on me now.” I added. A party for me later tonight. I could already see the headline.

Ex-Selected Gracebella Sinclair overdoses __ hours after being eliminated!

Gasp! Yeah right I’m sure plenty of others have done it before. Everyone who knows me will believe it with ease. It’s better this way.

After shopping for some clothing for the fiend and cillia I finally got around to picking them up.

Once they open their jail cells I toss the bags of their new clothing at them, “come on dumbasses. I have a lot to drink off.” I stated as they climbed from the gross hell of the jail.

Cillia glared at me after looking at the clothing. “Is there anything wrong with i don’t know normal clothes?” She asked.

“No you’re either a slut or a princess, tonight we’re sluts, we’re done with being princesses.” I said rejecting her complaint.

Cillia then turned to a bathroom walking away to change.

“Slut clothing it is.” Cillia sighed.

“I see no problem with those clothes, thanks Gracey.” Magnus, also replied. At least he seemed grateful.

“Don’t call me that, fiend.” I replied. That nickname had grown distasteful.

“what else am I supposed to call you?” He asked.

“Just Grac- no Bella. Bella’s better.” I said changing my mind and picking a new nickname.

“ok then, thanks Grace.” Magnus added still using the wrong name. A bit slow isn’t he.

“can we leave now I’m done with this place?” Cillia asked wanting to be free of the jail.

“Bella, I prefer Bella now, and yes Cillia we can. And since I finally have my phone back I will search for the nearest bar? Do you want me to find some whores for you both two, or will you just be sleeping with each other? I’m sure the other prisoners have heard plenty of your porno.” I asked wondering what I should plan for the night.

Cillia’s face went hot red with not embarrassment, but rage, she tapped her foot slightly and crossed her arms stiffly, “I personally won’t be sleeping with anyone.” she snarked. Party pooper.

“Oh please, I don’t want your cheeks that red unless it’s an alcohol flush, what about weed? We’ve got to have some bit of fun? If not with hookers and lapdances, then we may as well get on drugs.” I suggested not really caring I was in a prison at the moment. Cillia rolled her eyes in response to my suggestion, “Drugs? Really? But if it’s drugs or strippers then I guess drugs.” Cillia agreed. Might as well show her that I’m picking a good way to go out.

“Fuck yes. I haven’t smoked in over a year. Maybe we should just stick to edibles though.” I suggested, after all it wasn’t like they had done anything.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about, honestly. This is your party.” she said.

“Hahaha, yeah, party….” I said thinking off to what was to come tonight. We talked for a bit longer before getting back in the taxi. Cillia seemed reluctant to my drinking plan, whereas Magnus seemed neutral.

Then after a while of drinking and chatting I slipped out. Now it was time to get my taxi, rent a room, and take the other bags of drugs, and die. I couldn’t do it though. My hands were shaking and I bumped into someone.

“Hey, Lady watch it!” He hissed. I leaned over and just kissed him. It took me half a second to know what kind of person he was, he was dressed to fuck, the way he spoke to me showed he had no regard for women for anything but sex, but even his attention mattered to me, I needed something, anything.

And that’s how it was, every night for two months, I didn’t talk to people, I dropped off the radar from everyone, I dyed my hair, Gracebella Sinclair died no- technically she went missing. No one could find me, that’s how I wanted it.

That was until I went to the doctor. I had been feeling sick for the past month, Jessica was the only one who knew where I was, and when the police had asked once my mother filed a missing person report, she lied for me. She had covered for me after Jason, she knew how I crashed. If anything was keeping me alive it was her.

She had noticed I hadn’t been too peachy lately, so she dragged me to the doctors office, she paid him to keep quiet too.

“You’re pregnant.” He said giving me my answer bluntly.

“what? But that doesn’t make sense? I’ve always been on the pill and I use protection, and I very rarely let guys even finish inside.” I said the last part being a bit of an exaggeration.

“Ms.Sinclair, you’re about two or three months in, if there is any chance that this child is the Prince’s we will have to do a paternity test, and I’m afraid you know the consequences if it is.” The doctor warned.

“I lied in the interviews, I never had sex, I say with 100% certainty that this child is not Prince Ashton’s.” I said with no hesitation my voice not breaking for a moment. Another lie. My stack had grown. It was fully possibly this child would have Ashton’s blood in it, but it would never be Ashton’s. The father didn’t matter to me. This baby was mine. Ashton had a wife now anyways, he didn’t need my child. More specifically he didn’t need to kill one. He could ruin plenty of other children’s lives with his awful parenting. They’ll probably never understand he loves them and kill themselves.

“Will it be okay, I know my recent health hasn’t been the best, have I hurt it too far?” I asked now concerned I had already killed it myself.

“Well, I’m not going to call the cops on you, but it’s very clear you’ve been smoking and drinking plenty, you also look underweight, and exhausted. So I’m going to recommend you go cold turkey on the drugs and drinking. I’m also going to recommend you some over the the top medications, as well as prescription drugs that will not hurt the baby, and some pregnancy medications. Avoid caffeine to the best of your ability, and sleep plenty. You’re already a missing person so it’s not like you have many duties to attend to. Just stay home and try to act normal.” He recommended as he wrote down some medications on a paper, he then ripped it off his notepad and handed it to me.

This baby would live, and I would raise it to be the happiest child it could be. This baby is my reason to live.

[gracebella-sinclair]

Oh my gosh this is actually really sad to part with Gracey 😂😂😂😂

[ladycambianiscovar]

Prince Ashton’s Top 6 @ashtonschreave

Lady Alizé Mabo @ladyalizemabo

Lady Gracebella Sinclair @gracebella-sinclair

Lady Holly Borelli @ladyhollygwen

Lady Piper Prinz @lady-cornemuseur-prinz

Lady Roxana Wate @roxanawatelovesbritishliterature

Lady Yanely Genovious @yanely-genovious 

[gracebella-sinclair]

Family bonding time

“You’re not just doing this for Ashton, but also yourself, you’ll benefit from this.” I whispered to myself as I lay in agony in bed. After the events that had occurred on Cillia last night, I had decided to give up alcohol. Even if Ashton hadn’t said it was bad, I knew it was. A good Queen can’t get as drunk as I do. Sure a drink every once in awhile will be fine, but not until I am clean of this….addiction.

I had heard a rumor Prince Cody had said why each of the girls would make excellent Queen, and why they would not. With the exception of Alizé and Holly. I suppose those were the girls in the lead. Hearing that Holly was ahead made me feel like my insides were being ripped to shreds, and worse, hearing Alizé was better than me made me nearly want to drown myself in alcohol. But I realized I must to exactly the opposite of that.

He had said I had a tendency to act before thinking. At first I would have tried to defend myself, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was true. When had this even started though? I used to be calculate the pros and cons of everything, thinking through even the smallest of details. That’s when I realized, it’s the alcohol, I had given myself to the alcohol entirely, it skewed my judgment and made me act rashly. Now for the sake of Ashton, it was time to let go of the alcohol.

Though that wasn’t really the most easy thing to do. My head felt like it was spinning no matter how many pain medication pills I took.

“Pardon me, Gracey, we have just received word of a new challenge.” my maids Tiffany said which brightened my eyes. Yes! Something to distract me. And with each challenge was an elimination, a chance to see how close I am to Ashton, a challenge was a chance to prove how much I wanted him.

“Go on!” I said a bit too enthusiastically, I also had sat up too fast which made my head spin.

“Well, it states that for one week you will be having your family here.” Tiffany explained. I plummeted back down onto my pillows. Worthless. I couldn’t control my mother, I could show my love with my mother. Unless he’s eliminating those who come from bad families. God, I’m so dead. No no, Ashton wouldn’t be that shallow. He probably just wants to meet them, then will eliminated off of his feelings.

“Tiffany could you set my mother up with a plane ticket, tell her I’d love to invite her but I’m feeling a little under the weather.” I requested as I pulled the blankets back over myself read for a nap.

“um, yes, Gracey.” she said before I heard her footsteps leave excusing herself to go do the task at hand.

*********************************************

I awakened to the sound of Tiffany rushing through the room.

“Is everything alright?” I asked before sitting up.

“um yes, it’s just, your father is here, and he’s a lot more… savage, than I expected.” Tiffany said. OH MY FUCKING GOD. I bet she accidentally invited him. God I would never want him to meet Ashton, I don’t even see him as my father. How could he come? Doesn’t he know I hate him by now?

“I’ll handle him, which room is he in?” I asked getting up out of bed, but took a minute to regain my composure as my head began to pulse.

“I put him and your mother in the same room, it’s just-” she mumbled but was cut off by a gasp from me, she didn’t seem to see the issue with that. My eyes went wide.

“YOU WHAT?!” I shrieked Oh my God, it would be a miracle if I found them without their throats clawed out, killed at each other’s hands.

Rushing out of the room I didn’t even need to be told where they were, if they were still the same people they would already be screaming at each other now. Turning the corner I saw from my peripheral vision my mother sitting in a chair at the desk with her legs crossed.

Running into the room I closed the door. “Oh my goodness mother I am so sorry for being late to meet you.” I apologized walking over to her, ignoring the other in the room.

“I had my maids Tiffany send of your invitations, I had no idea she was going to invite, you.” I said with a bit of a hiss and turned to my father.

He wasn’t very well cleaned, it was clear that they tried but he’s so intent on staying coated in grime. There was one guard standing by the bed as well.

“Hello, Gracella.” My father said. I hated that name.

“Don’t call me that, I don’t like it.” I replied looking at the ground. I couldn’t stand him.

“Why not, it’s just your name?” He said, he knew the answer to that though. That was the name I had when I was stupid, naive, when I thought my father could love me, when I thought my mother was a righteous God, when I thought I deserved life; not my sister.

“Anyways, I can’t believe you let her sign up for this…this…low quality, porn, prostitution, show!” My father ranted rising to argue with my mother.

“Grace, let’s go get the room situation sorted out.” My mother said and put her hand on my shoulder sternly. She wasn’t too much taller than me now. But I couldn’t just leave my father alone. I didn’t trust him to not try and make a mess of things.

Opening the door I looked for a guard, maid, Butler or anyone who could assist us, but saw a Butler who I recognized. He had been with Yanely before. I assume he was her Tiffany.

“Pardon me! Could you please help my mother. She got put in a room with a stranger, I assume another one of the selected families. Can you please move her to another one?” I requested as the Butler finally came to us.

“um, I suppose so, we’ll just have to move her luggage for the week.” He said. He seemed a little taken back seeing my mother and I side by side. She wasn’t my biological mother after all. She was blonde and had brown eyes, and tan skin. I on the other hand was a brunette, with blue eyes and pale skin. However there was no way to prove we weren’t biologically related.

“Great, I didn’t unpack, I’ll just roll my stuff over to the new room.” My mother said and started to get her bags. I was thankful she hated him just as much as I did, if not more. I needed to talk to my father one on one though before I could leave him be.

Walking to the door I closed it behind my mother.

“Oh I sense a lecture coming from sweet little, Gracella.” He said each word coming out with thick malice. Good he was on the same page as me as well emotion wise.

“Samael, you’re going to stay in this room, you’re not going to talk to anyone, especially without me present, you’re going to go home early, and when people inevitably ask about our family, you’re going to act normal, you will never mention either of them, and you will be civilized, dress well, and look well, just happy person who wasn’t meant to be married to my mother. Got it?” I demanded. How my mother’s voice had slipped into my own, I don’t know. I didn’t like her either, I didn’t want to anything like her.

“Why would I do that?” He asked.

“Because I said so, and you know that regardless of if I become Queen, which I will, I have enough power on my own to make your life hell.” I threatened.

“they’ll bring your food to you.” I added after a moment of silence. I then turned on my heels to leave the room. Once I had a door closed I spotted a guard, I needed to be sure he would obey me.

“You there! Can you come here?” I asked to one of the patrolling guards.

“Um yes, Lady Gracebella?” He asked seemed a little confused at my stopping him. “So I won’t bother you with the details, but there’s a man in this room who is not allowed to leave. Please ensure that he doesn’t, Mr…” I paused for a moment looking for his name tag.

“Mr. Carmis.” I said before crossing my arms and heading back to my room. It was near dinner time and I’m sure my mother would want me there, I needed to fix the state of my stomach before then.

*********************************************

Thankfully dinner was uneventful. The families of the others girls seemed very sweet for the most part. Pipers family was..quirky? Holly’s seemed sweet. Her parents got a few compliments for their achievements, but I could tell they wanted to move on. If only my mother was like that with me, accepting that I wanted to move on. Winter’s mother seemed a little strict, her father seemed a little frightening at first as well, but later on you could tell he was a light hearted person. I didn’t make note of Alizé’s family.

I was still too embarrassed to even look her way. Apparently she wasn’t too upset about Cillia and I’s…..attack? I wasn’t sure what to call that night. Regardless it was completely uncalled for. I hope that once I am finally free from alcohol she’ll be able to forgive me. Normally one bottle of tequila wouldn’t have done that to me, but it wasn’t just one bottle. I was upset that day. My hatred of Alizé was at its peak. Even if I had won the magazine polls this time, they didn’t matter, they weren’t Ashton, I wanted Ashton. In the end there were some girls I wouldn’t mind winning over me, yes I would be heartbroken, and yes I can’t fully say I can take another heartbreak, but some girls I would never be able to respect as a Queen. And though I was trying to make things up to her I would never respect Alizé like a Queen.

Piper though, even Holly, I’d be able to live with them being the Queen. But not Alizé. Especially since I likely won’t be a three for long. All politicians that succeed are lawyers first. Some may be born into being a politician, but they aren’t likely to succeed because they aren’t used to the laws they’re working with as much as lawyers are. Many women aren’t able to break out of Law though, but I will. I’m destined too. But more so than that I am destined to become a Queen.

I’ve known for most of my life that I was going to be important. I never knew how, or at least at the start I didn’t; as my life progressed I learned, and my fate started becoming more and more clear. At first I thought it was my fate to become an inventor or an amazing doctor, and maybe it was, but I rejected that fate.

I wanted to find my father. I missed him, back when I was Gracella and I loved him. Back before I knew, before I learned it was his fault she died. It was his fault my mother and sister died, and almost myself.

Anyways, I wanted to find him so I decided to become a lawyer. I thought he still was one, no I didn’t. I knew he was a homeless, lifeless, cold man, but instead I chose to live in a fantasy where he was still my father, and he loved me, and he was a lawyer. He had been thrown out by my wicked mother, tossed aside so she could imprison me to a life of accomplishments but no heart.

After dinner we moved to a room that I hadn’t been in before, just when I thought that I had finally figured out the layout of the palace there was a whole other unexplored room.

My mother approached people left and right boasting, why did she seem to believe all conversations had to be about my achievements. I should have expected this though being she knows I’m not the type to brag about things like that.

I should just let her do the bragging for me, reporters will eat it up and turn it into something good. After speaking to Holly’s family I leaned up to my mother. “I’m going to go check on him.” I said excusing myself. I just needed to make sure he wasn’t planning anything. He was an ex-convict, wasn’t exactly the most trustable person.

I sighed a bit in relief as I saw the guard from earlier still there watching the door. I didn’t bother knocking on the door, and thankfully I did not regret not knocking. My father simply lay in bed reading.

“Oh you’re back, did your mother have fun selling you, how high did the auction go for your soul? I assume pretty cheap.” He said before putting his book down.

“She isn’t selling me to people, and unlike you I don’t succumb to others easily, so even if my soul were up for sale it wouldn’t be cheap.” I replied bitterly and closed the door leaning against it.

“They would be alive if you had just taken a stand. Lamia needed hope, you could have been our hope if you had just stood with us, we needed you, Gracella.”

“I was just a child! You can’t blame me for not jumping on the activist train straight out of the womb, and don’t you dare blame their deaths on me. You’re the one with their blood on your hands. You told her that we should die, that the threes and the twos and the ones where the problem with society. Well when you tell that to someone who loves you they generally don’t take it well!” I yelled harshly back at him.

“So you’re finally admitting it was a suicide, good. Maybe then you’ll get over this ridiculous idea that you’re mother is the hero and I’m the villain. Maybe then you’ll listen to me for once in your life.” He said, I looked away digging my nails into my arm so hard I could draw blood.

“Look at me, Gracella!” He commanded.

“Stop it stop it stop it, stop! Why can’t you just get out of my life, I hate you! I’ll never be on your side, you killed my mother and sister, just leave me alone! Let me be happy for once in my life.” I yelled snapping at him.

“I’m never go to leave! Unlike her, my blood runs in you, I have the right to be in your life! I helped make you!” He said standing up now and pulling my chin up to look at him.

“You don’t have a right to anything about me, I’m not in your custody, you didn’t raise me, and I don’t even see you as my father.” I hissed before turning on my heels to leave.

“You know, maybe we should have done a DNA test, even if you came from Lamia, you’re not a drop similar to her.” He spat, he knew where to hurt me, and he had torn down my defenses so easily. I needed a moment.

Closing the door behind me I heard his book thud against the door. ‘God I wish I had alcohol.’ I thought to myself as I rushed to my room going the shortest way I knew. As I approached my room I heard rapid French being spoke around the corner.

I suppose someone’s fighting with Alizé. I hadn’t practiced my French in a while but I was still able to keep up listening in on the conversation. It was Alizé and some stranger, I suppose he was one of the visitors of France. It was actually a pretty smart move to have them come around the time of the families, it showed unity. Four points to the Queen and King for thinking of that.

“I told you, I’m not here for you, I will never be. I don’t want to talk to you ever again, and you know it.” The man spoke, ouch.

“taisez-vous. (shut up)” I grumbled, a bit to them, but mostly to myself. I’m the one who needed to shut up. Shut up about your father, no, shut up about Samael, he doesn’t matter. You don’t need his respect. You don’t need his validation.

Turning on my heels I headed up the stairs. My nails had drawn blood after all, and I didn’t particularly want to run into Alizé in this state. I didn’t think I’d be able to make a comeback if she attacked me. I’m not sure why she seems so insistent on blaming her issues on me.

I never did anything to her.

Yet every time she has an issue she tries to blame it on me. Like I told the people to vote her as meanest, like I chose to win best future Queen, or Ashton’s favourite in the public view, like I told them to say she would take Illéa into France, like I picked for Ashton to bring me to Angeles way back when, like I chose to overhear her call me unstable, like she was just some victim being attacked.

But she was no victim, she was just a mean cold girl. She seemed to believe that she was little miss perfect when she was full of flaws. Her irrational anger that arrives in an instant for one thing. It made her so petty, her confused idea of what makes a good Queen, she seems to believe just an idea and determination makes a Queen. It’s not, being voted best to be Queen wasn’t because I am seen as determined or an idea generator, it’s because I’m known. People in the academic word at least know my name.

A good Queen has a good background, she’s also a leader, and from what I saw on the German project Alizé was not a leader, she does the minimum and calls it a day, she’s weak, she can’t take insults that would hurt her core, that’s why I don’t give them, she doesn’t think before talking, that’s why I even had the chance to call her unstable. Though I was the one who apparently couldn’t hold my

I hadn’t done a thing to her. She called me mean things, I was hurt so I cried to my friends. Apparently she saw that as an attack. If she wanted to go to war then I would, but I don’t understand how her images of what happened are so twisted she still sees herself as a blameless victim.

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to take it much longer, unlike her I cared if people were repulsed by me, and though she clearly didn’t I liked to be civil. He rude glares, and sneers nearly pushed me to my wits end. I was so happy when we called a truce. But apparently she will always hate me for doing nothing to her. I suppose some people are just so full of rage, so confused about themselves, that they needed something..or in this case someone to blame it on.

Once I went upstairs I walked around to the staircase on the opposite end. My small detour seeming meaningless but allowing me to avoid walking between the Alizé mess. I wouldn’t want to be around her while she was so unstable.

Though as I made my way to the next staircase I accidently bumped right into Ashton. This wasn’t a good time. I had shown him as much as I was willing to show him about my weakness, even if we do get married, he doesn’t need to see me like this. I folded my hands behind my back, attempting to make the movement look natural, hiding the cut from my nails on my arm.

“oops, hi, Ashton!” I said a bit breathlessly. Even in my current state looking up at him took my breath away. I thought I had gotten over that but I suppose the alcohol was numbing me.

“whatcha got there?” He asked noticing my hands folded behind my back. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. I’m not ready for this, but maybe he should know. If I am going to marry him maybe he should know at the very least my birth name? No, it didn’t matter, it wasn’t my name now. Telling him would just cause unnecessary confusion. I fidgeted for a moment, one of my nervous habits coming out again. I needed to kill this instinct, it made me weak.

“I don’t necessarily have anything….” I paused for a moment needling more time. But it’s not like I could have much more, it was a conversation not a text message. I then lightly pressed my forehead on his chest lightly headbutting it, another one of my nervous ticks. Hiding my face, it was out I fear I would cry.

“it’s a long story, but in short my father accidentally got invited, I have been having bad headaches so I got my maid Tiffany to invite family, I forgot to mention I don’t count my father as family. And if you can recall we don’t particularly get along. So I went to talk to him and it wasn’t pleasant, but it’s not like I could be as aggressive as I wanted too so I dug my nails into my arm, and it appears I drew blood.” I explained trying to be as blunt and flat toned as possible. I don’t know why, it’s not like Ashton hadn’t seen me cry before, we literally had sex multiple times, that was about as weak and powerless as I could get.

I moved my arms back in their natural place and folded my hands in front of me, now no longer caring about the blood. “I wasn’t planning on bumping into you, so I thought I might be able to get away without anyone noticing. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I don’t particularly like being seen as weak.” I joked a bit about my own insecurity. I don’t know if I was born like this, or if it’s because of him, of Jason stripping any ounce of pride from me in my weakest state.

He then grabbed my arm looking at myself given wound. “Are you okay? did you go see the doctor?” He asked which made me laugh a bit on the inside. Why would I need a doctor for such a small wound. Yanely didn’t even need a doctor when she punched a mirror.

“I don’t think that’s really necessary, it’s just a small cut from my nails, it’s not like it’ll get infected or anything. But I appreciate the concern. I’ll just put a bandaid on and wear gloves. I always keep a first aid kit with me anyways so there’s one in my room, so I don’t really have to see a doctor anyways. Plus I’d rather not have to explain why they’re there to a stranger. I like to keep my family personal.” I explained hoping he would understand.

“okay…” He muttered. Gosh, here is it, lack of comfort Ashton. At least I didn’t need comfort. I needed control.

“I’m sorry if that’s awkward for you. I’ve heard from Yanely that you don’t do the ‘comfort’ thing very well, I didn’t really want to talk to you about my past anyways. It’s just extra baggage. So I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. I was avoiding Alizé by coming upstairs to go around her, so I wasn’t specifically looking for you which is why I panicked and hid it when I bumped into you, I’m sorry for making you feel awkward.” I apologized. I knew he didn’t like this topic.

“I’m great with comfort what are you talking about?” He said still looking a bit awkward.

“It’s alright, you tried that’s more than enough.” I said ignoring his denial. He sighed and sat down.

“I don’t know how to help. I wish I could do more.” He said. I wish I could do more too. I wish I could have saved my sister, I wish I had stabbing Jason with a knife rather than cutting his fruit with it, I wish I had stood up to my father as a child. I wish I could make both my mother and father understand that I’m not important, my memory makes me no different than any other person, I wish I could have been their daughter, not their tool.

“I don’t need help, what’s past is past, I can handle my father I’ll just send him away. What would be nice is a hug.” I suggested, hoping he would feel better if he felt like he was helping, and maybe a hug would help. Ashton did seem to be able to send my negative emotions away with a glance.

“i can do that.” He said before pulling my too him, giving me a hug and resting his head on top of my hair.

A hug was a good suggestion, it worked. Almost to the extent I felt like I was melting. I had previously said my weakest state was in sex, I lied. My weakest state is now, I’m not sure why, but I feel raw, I feel naked to him.

“I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to go through too.” I replied, I knew Ashton had gone through things, and he was probably stressed as we narrowed down the elite, soon it would be six, likely less. It must be so stressing to him.

“Don’t be, I can handle it.” He said, which made me frown. Well that wasn’t right.

“Even if you can handle it, it doesn’t mean you can’t feel upset about it, you deserve to be upset about stress, or any other struggles you have caused be relationships or work just as everyone else does.” I said trying to reason with him, getting an awkward smile out of him in response.

“Not really. people dream of having a life like mine, and i’ll admit, it’s pretty perfect.” He said. Again wrong. He’s lying if he’s saying it’s perfect, maybe just lying to me but I pray he’s not lying to himself as well.

“The grass is always greener on the other side, just because some people want your life, doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to complain. There are issues in everyone’s life. I like to tell people that before I help them move to being a three, I mentioned on the service project that I actually run a little side project for transferring people to other castes. Hopefully soon it’ll actually make income and be able to support more people. But anyways, I like to tell people the negatives of being a three before they transfer, since most of the jobs in three castes come with a lot of stress, since lawyers and doctors can ruin or literally end someone’s life. But there are negative parts to all castes, and some might be worse than others such as with sevens and eights, but it doesn’t change the fact that all of them have faults. Even being a one.” I said using my project as an example.

He smiled in response. Grinning a bit to myself that he seemed a little less awkward I leaned forward and gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

“I’m sure all of us don’t help with it either, especially me with the drama I’ve brought. I suppose the Alizé thing wasn’t really my fault though, but I didn’t particularly help, if you even have heard of our..disagreement.” I said trying to roughly describe the argument.

“i’m trying to stay out of it.” He replied, seemed like a wise choice. Alizé and I are both aggressive in nature, our fighting probably looked a little more threatening than it felt, best to stay away from.

“Good you should, Alizé is a great person and that drama for the most part is entirely relating to our personalities just not mashing very well. We’ve both been described as driven and determined people, so I’m guessing our stronger attitudes don’t do well together.” I said hoping to defend her a bit, even if I didn’t really like Alizé, doesn’t mean he had too, she seemed to like him too, I wasn’t mean enough to try and destroy her chance, though it did hurt to endorse her.

“i think if you two took the time, you could actually be quite fond of one another.” He suggested. I can’t imagine being friends with her.

“We tried actually, but she just seemed awkward around me, and I can’t really get passed the fact that I don’t trust her. It’s not hard for people to get my trust but it’s very easy for them to lose it, and the fact that she talked badly about me behind my back makes me not trust her. I don’t think she’s a bad person though I can understand why you like her she’s friendlyish, and…such, but I personally can’t trust her thus I can’t come to a friendship with her.” I explained hoping he would understand my reasons and drop it.

“You talk badly behind her back.” He said. I then spoke without thinking,

“Because she did first.” I said defensively and cringed a bit on the inside. That was an awful reason. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. So why was I acting so rude to Alizé. Maybe it’s just jealous and I’m using her betrayal as an excuse.

“You don’t fight fire with fire, gracey.”Ashton reasoned, different saying than I would have used, but still same point. But one could also say yes you fight it with water, which is what I was doing, being worse to her than she was to me.

I sighed before replying, knowing I had to be civil and reasonable on this one. “That is true, but at least I try not to talk behind her back, I only did it to Yanely and normally when I was very drunk, which I am no longer doing. She wasn’t drunk, and she did it in the open, and at least I try to see the positive aspects of her, she just sees me as awful apparently. We’re in a truce now though so maybe I’ll eventually talk to her.” I said decided to say that I might talk to her to make Ashton feel better.

“I’d like you to try.” He suggested, Ughs. I can’t say no to him. Not because he’s a prince, or because I think not saying no will win him, I can’t say no to him because it’s such a reasonable request.

“Fine, I will try again for you. We could talk about being able to speak French or something, there aren’t very many topics for us to talk on though other than that.” I joked a bit, being with both spoke French. Though in truth I couldn’t think of much else to say to her.

“There’s more to everyone, thank you.” He said. I highly doubt there’s more to her than what I’ve seen, she seems to be an open book.

“I could apologize to her for attempting to destroy her makeup. Granted again I was very very drunk, it was the night Cillia left so we had decided to get drunk before she had to go, and I suppose when you put drunk and Cillia’s crazy together you end up with that.” I joked.

“that’s a start.” He said.

“I failed though she walked in on us apparently, for once I can’t recall something, that whole nights really a blank until after I woke up from a nap.” I explained, I barely could remember anything of that experience, it was chilling.

“So that’s where the no drinking came from?” He asked, that inspired it but I’ve needed to stop for awhile now. Alcohol did nothing for me but make things worse.

“Yes, I’m awfully ashamed of it, and being I’m not used to forgetting things I find it terrifying to have a blank in my mind where I wasn’t asleep, so I’d rather just stop and not have to deal with that anymore. Besides I used to be very very well behaved till Jessica introduced me to drinking.” I said, I wasn’t exactly sure how to explain how I felt, it wasn’t a fear of forgetting, it was almost traumatizing but not fully. It’s like if you suddenly were unable to walk for me. You won’t die if you can’t walk but it’s very different. I rely so much on my memory the idea of losing it kills me.

“Well I think you’re fine either way.” He replied, no he misunderstood why I was stopping.

“My personality may be fine, but I am actually pretty terrified of forgetting things, when I was younger and had less control over my emotions I forgot something. I was 7 and I forgot what color my sheets were at a trip when I was three, I still remember most of the trip, but anyways I started sobbing when I realized I forgot it. My memory isn’t perfect and noticing the imperfections are actually very shocking. And since alcohol just makes it worse it’s the most efficient way to stop from forgetting things.” I explained hoping he would understand a bit more, but it was difficult to explain since he didn’t have my mind.

“sounds smart.” gosh dangit Ashton, back at it again with the two to a single word answers.

“It would have been smarter to never start. I knew it could cause memory difficulties but I wanted to impress a guy when I was 16, he was a drug dealer Jessica knew, and I was surrounded by older people and I thought if I did what they did they’d accept me.” I explained.

“You don’t have to here.” He said which made me smile.

“I’m glad for that, this is one of the first places where I’m mostly surrounded by people close to my age. Winter is even younger than I am. I decided before I entered that I wouldn’t do what I did with him with you. I wasn’t going to change myself to be someone you’d like, and so far I’ve stayed true to that, even though you’d be worth the change, I’d like to stay myself this time.” I explained. My world had turned upside down for Jason. I moved from taking shots to doing shots.

“Well i’m honored to see the real Gracey.” He replied which made me smile.

“I’m very glad you don’t seem to hate her. I’m glad you call me Gracey too. At first I offered my many nicknames to people to pick from. My mother calls me grace, and my father calls me Gracella, Gracella actually was my birth name. I changed it legally when I was twelve. I don’t like being called it. But anyways, I’ve always preferred the name Gracey, so I’m glad it stuck as opposed to my others.” I explained letting him in a bit more about my names.

“I like any of your names.” He said, it was nice that he seemed to acknowledge me.

“Have you ever gotten a nickname that stuck? Ash, ash-ash, one could even call you ton.” I asked wondering what names he had been called. He laughed.

“Mostly just Ash.” He replied. I wanted to kiss his cheek but refrained, as natural as it felt we were still in a conversation.

“Ash-sass, ash-cash, ash-trash. Most of the names that fit to be a second part smoothly are rather rude, Ash.” I commented pointing it out. At least I had Gracey-lacey that was kind of cute.

“Not my fault, I didn’t name myself.” He defended.

“You could have, I did. I did mine for a dedication to my sister. I don’t like saying I have one to strangers, but I had a sister, she drowned with my mother in a car accident by the ocean. I like your name though, you shouldn’t change it.” I replied giving my unasked feedback.

“I don’t hate it.” He replied.

“Are you neutral on your name then? Most people are.” I asked wondering if he had an opinion on it then.

“Yeah I guess so.” He replied, there is was again, his replies with little thought, I’ll just have to get his attention then, make sure he isn’t bored.

“I think it’s a cute name. You pull it off, it has a sexy but mature feel to it.” I complimented.

He then raised an eyebrow, “My name has a feel?” He asked correcting my statement.

“You know like how some words sound like pleasant, and some words sound mucky. Vocabulary was and still is an art, words and names have feelings associated with them.” I said the correct literary term for what I was saying slipping my mind at the moment, there it was again, an imperfection in my memory.

“Alright then.” He replied, gosh why was he so anti emotional today. Normally even if my flirting sucked he’d play along. He was acting like Yanely and not in a good way.

“I’ll take it my attempted flirting has now failed then, oh well, it was worth a try. Maybe instead I’ll just say that you directly are sexy.” I joked hoping he would like that and enjoy the conversation more.

“That works.” He replied which made me frown. He’s still being unenthusiastic, maybe I’ll just try one more thing, then leave so that way it can’t get any worse.

“I guess that isn’t flirting as much as it is just fact.” I said playfully hoping he would laugh or smile, or just respond slightly like I was hoping. I wonder why he’s so upset, I wish I could get him to talk to me, but I already gave him the chance to complain and he didn’t take it, if he would rather not unload on me I’d do as much as I can to try and lighten his mood. I wasn’t going to force him to talk when he didn’t want too though.

“I think it’s both.” He replied, so haughty, a little closed off still, but I’m getting somewhere, I won’t give up on him.

I forced a laugh trying to keep the playful mood, I’ve always been a wonderful actor though, he wouldn’t be able to tell I was analysing him, opposed to just having a playful conversation. “Confident much? Well it’s deserved confidence.” I teased.

He winked playfully in response.

“Though if I were to pick who were sexier between us two, it’d beee….a draw.” I said wanting to make it a competition, curse my competitive nature.

He chuckled a bit, “Alright.” He replied.

“What do you think is attractive about me?” I asked wanting to hear him praise me.

“everything you know exactly how attractive I find you.” He said with a smirk.

“Trueee, but I like hearing you say it. It boosts my already too inflated ego.” I replied, Ashton and I were similar in that sense. Our egos were both probably as long as it is to go to the moon and back, and as wide as planet earth.

“so self centered.” he joked.

Our conversation then went on a bit longer before I excused myself to my room. I needed to go find my abandoned mother after all.

*********************************************

I stopped by my rooms and picked up some gloves going to my elbows, best for people not to see and ask questions.

“God I look like a mess, how did Ashton not mention this?” I sighed to myself as I looked in the mirror, everything about me screamed upset. My hair was too tightly in a bun, fixing the first issue I let it down and brushed it out. My dress was also to intimidating, I felt overdone. Switching out of it I changed into a light yellow dress, it was more of a sundress which probably wouldn’t have been appropriate for the weather if I hadn’t found a small white shawl to wear over it.

The white gloves matched as well, I felt a bit like Daisy Buchanan as I looked in the mirror, a small doll in her white and yellow colors, hiding her feelings under clothing.

In the corner of my mirror a picture caught my attention, it was from when I was little, a family photo of me, my sister, my mother, my other mother: Lamia, and my father. There was a small note underneath it.

‘Dear Gracella, Do you miss them? Do you feel their wet blood sticking to your hands? Every time you lay in water do you remember your sister’s dead body floating next to your own? Do you think about your mother the one you couldn’t take the time to give some hope too. It’s your fault that they’re dead, you know it, and I know it. Sincerely, Samael.’

I let out a small scream from frustration and ripped up both the note paper and the picture.

‘it’s not my fault it’s not my fault it’s not my fault!’ I thought as I pushed the scraps of paper into the trash.

“Let’s just get to the social gathering, and get over this.” I said angrily to myself as I stood up. I then started to stomp back to the room where we had been previously.

Once I arrived back at the room I entered to see no one was there. I wonder where they went, well no matter. I’ll just sit for a bit. Taking a seat in a chair close to the window I began to daydream, the gardens were rather pretty. But just as I found a moment of peace it was interrupted by someone entering. Quickly I turned to see who it was, it appeared to be Holly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” She apologized. You can do this, just be kind and she’ll leave.

“it’s fine.” I replied, that came out much harsher than intended. I moved my hands to my lap balling them up into fists, my palms now protected from my nails with gloves.

“Are you okay?” Holly asked, why should she care. She’s just going to take Ashton from me, she’ll be the one hurting me if she wins one day.

“Just peachy.” I replied, gosh I’m such an asshole, can’t I just be peppy and friendly like always? Why am I snapping at her like this?

“I take it you’re angry at your mother?” Holly asked. I was confused at first, why would I be angry at my mother? It took me a moment to realize she probably guessed from how I was acting earlier with my mother. She didn’t need to know it was my father.

“I notice things.” she added, deciding to play dumb I nodded my head, I suppose to someone who’s never had a lick of sadness in their life, my discomfort with my mother would seem serious. Since Holly seemed to enjoy comforting people I would let her play therapist for the time being.

“I don’t know what’s happened between you and your mother, but I can tell you this much. You seem like a really strong and capable person, and from what I’ve seen of your mother, you’re 10 times the person she is. You’re smart, beautiful, kind. What else could someone ask for in a daughter? If she can’t see that then she’s the one to blame. Not you. Just… remember that whenever you feel like ripping your hair out,” Holly said. I appreciated her compliments, I had been told before by cambia and Holly now that I was kind, yet I can’t see myself as such. I only see what people like Alizé, and my father see, a dumb little girl.

“Holly?” I spoke up as she turned to leave, my voice shook a bit. I hadn’t noticed that her words had affected me till I heard my own voice.

“Yes?” She asked, I paused for a moment, I thought of a response, a denial, something to refute her thoughts of me, but instead I only left silence before mumbling two words.

“Thank you,” I managed to mutter. Once Holly left I realized I needed to follow her to find my mother again, so keeping a few paces back I watched and followed as they went to the theater.

The theater would always have a happy place in my mind, after all Ashton and I had our second time in there. I wonder who’s sitting where we made love. I hope it’s Alizé.

*********************************************

Once the small movie they had played was over I walked with my mother to her room planning on dropping her off then heading to bed, but I soon felt her hand on my own stopping me from leaving.

“Grace, we need to talk.” she said softly, my brows furrowed a bit wondering what she could want.

“Of course, what is it, mother?” I asked sitting down in a chair.

“I need to cancel your trust fund.” she said, shock poured over me, why would she do that? I needed that money for my cinderella project, without funding the entire project falls apart.

“why?” I asked, my voice saturated with anguish.

“Jason has started making threats, he’s learning what can happen to you if he tells, he’s requesting payment for his silence. As you know I’m old and I’m not making as much as I used too, I need some of your money, however, since you’re not working you currently aren’t making money, thus I need your trust fund.” she explained.

“let him tell! It won’t do anything to me. He can’t prove what happened, and even if he did it’d just take us both down, him for rape, and me for being well…impure. It’s not in his occupational interest to attack me.” I explained.

“Do you know he has no proof? He could have taken pictures while you slept.” my mother asked.

“well I mean, I can’t be sure, I was asleep after all! How do you expect me to know? Mother we can’t keep letting him win like this, I deserve justice, we should fight against him!” I suggested.

“Don’t be an idiot, Gracella!” She yelled back at me using my name for once.

“You wouldn’t stand a chance, they’d arrest you before you could even let any evidence slip, before you could even make an opening statement, you’d be thrown in jail to rot being a known little slut. Even if you feel safe now under Prince Ashton’s protection, you are a fool if you think this safety will last. Don’t throw away your life for justice.” she said.

“but I can’t just give up on their lives other mother, please. I’ve already put so much work into it, I can’t let it go, I can’t let them go. There has to be something I can do, anything.” I begged.

“There’s only one thing you can do, hope Prince Ashton can overlook your personality and marry you. That’s the only way you can save them, Grace.” My mother said. Great, now I had a motive other than my feelings to be here…sarcasm.

Maybe there wasn’t an issue with that though, I did love Ashton, I had told him before even. I wasn’t planning on losing to begin with, but now there was an added stress, if I fail, I fail everyone who I’ve promised a new life, I fail their hopes.

If I take too long I’ll fail, the organization will run out of money, money makes the entire thing stay together, without funding everything falls apart. I recently gave them some money for their 5th payment, they’d be expecting a 6th in two months. So now I have two months to win this thing, to win it for myself, and to win it for them.

*********************************************

The next morning I went straight to my father, he was going to leave right away. I had worked it out with Mrs.Nancy and she had spoken to those she needed too.

But as I walked I saw Yanely having a tantrum in the hallway and frowned. Goodness, she needed to get a grip soon.

“Ummm, yan-yan? You okay there?” I called out from a distance.

She then pushed over a potted plant, “No,” She grumbled.

“Um, do you want to talk about it?” I offered as she caused destruction in the hall.

She then took off her heel and began to shred a painting with the bottom of it, “Not particularly.” She hissed.

I then moved closer and gently put my hand on her arm. “chill.” I said hoping she would listen to me. Yanely then pulled away and tossed her shoes to the other side of the room.

“I will NOT chill. My mother is here commanding my every move, my brother his dead while I have to stare at his old fiancée, and I have to look at Ashton’s face every day and wonder what the hell I’m doing here when I have no chance. So no, I will NOT chill!” she screamed.

“You need to chill, your feelings don’t matter to people, all you’re doing is tearing up the place and acting like a child, suck it up.” I replied sternly.

“I’m acting like a child? Let’s not forget that you can’t have a civil conversation with Alizé because she called you unstable, even though Ashton’s asked you to. You act like a pissy 9-year-old 99% of the time! And think back to when your sister died. Did you chill? Did you have a few moments of bad judgement where you just couldn’t take it? Did you have days where your mother wasn’t there when you needed her most? Think back and think real good because I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done. I am Yanely Genovious and I will. Not. Chill.” she spat, gosh she’s so stupid. She’s ignorant and hateful.

“I can have a chill conversation with her and I will, and when my sister died, I didn’t care. I. Moved. On. And you need too as well, life doesn’t let people mourn. I delt with it by myself, I didn’t have my mother, or my father, or any siblings, no one was there for me so I moved the fuck on. You’re the one throwing a tantrum and you need to chill.” I replied with the same ferocity.

“Just leave me the fuck alone. I’m sorry you have no shred of emotion for anyone, but that’s not my fault. I don’t fucking need you.” Yanely sassed.

“Fuck off Yanely, I’m trying to help you!” I said sternly before I heard footsteps coming, it would not be good is Yanely was caught at the sight of this hallway decor slaughter. I hadn’t found any secret rooms in this hall yet, but there was a similar painting on this hall. So maybe there was another secret room in the same location.

Quickly I pulled at the fabric on the wall amazed at the fact it was a secret room and shoved Yanely in before getting in myself. We would just have to hide for now.

“I don’t need your help. Get me out of here!” Yanely whined, gosh she could be such a little brat.

“What if someone sees you acting like this?! Ashton would probably send you home for vandalism! Then how do you think your mother would react?” I asked knowing I could use her mother’s reaction against her.

“I don’t fucking care. Let them send me to the butchering block for all I care.” Yanely grumbled. Of course she cared, she’s just lying to herself.

“Yanely no! And you can’t get out on your own, it took me awhile to figure out how to get out. You’re going to sit here till you calm down.” I hissed hoping she would listen to me. In general I was fairly good at commanding people to listen to me, however those who met my temper were a bit harder to manage.

“I’m not a fucking 3-year-old. I’m an adult and I can and will make my own choices. So let me out now.” she argued. Nope, not good enough.

“I will when you stop acting like a three year old.” I replied back mocking a bit. In all honesty though I had no clue how to open the door. I assume it’s the same way the other one works. But I can’t let her know, she has to think I’m on top here.

“I am not acting like a 3-year-old!” she replied only proving my point, she then banged her fist on the door. “Goddamnit!” she growled.

“Yes you are, adults don’t push over vases and rip things to shreds when they’re upset!” I reasoned.

“WELL, MAYBE THIS ADULT DOES!” She yelled angrily at me. That argument doesn’t even make sense. It’s like using an ‘otherkin’ as an excuse for vandalism. Such as saying I’m otherkin as a dog so it’s okay for me to piss on your shit.

“That doesn’t even make sense! Adults don’t act like that and you can’t deny it, you’re not acting like an adult so you can’t say “maybe this adult does!” You’re just acting like a child!” I replied pointing out her flaws. She should be thankful she wasn’t born a three. Than again she’d be excellent at teacher the beginners class of being a bitch.

“How old are you, like 16? Don’t tell me what adults do when you’re basically a child yourself.” she replied back, that infuriated me. I had spent my life around those older than me, I had don’t everything to become one of them. I even knew how 25 year olds, who were more adult than either Yanely and I acted. And they did not act like Yanely was. “I’m not 16! I’m eighteen, and I might be younger but I act ten times more mature!” I replied.

“Come on, Gracey. All you do is bitch.” I was taken aback by that statement. I don’t bitch that much! Who was she to judge that? I can’t even remember the last thing I bitched about.

“I bitch less than you.” I replied back, being honesty, it was like every word that came out of Yanely’s mouth was a bitchy comment. The hypocrite.

“True, but at least I bitch about adult things!” she argued.

“I bitch about adult things!” I defended.

“Like what?” She asked which caught me.

“I don’t know, I don’t bitch often.” I replied not having a good enough response.

“You literally bitch about everything. You bitch about the carpet, you bitch about the lights, I’ve heard you bitch about pencils. You’re the bitchiest bitcher I’ve ever seen.” she said which again took me back, what was she even talking about? I don’t write in pencil I’m trained to write in pen. Liar.

“Those are lies, you seem to be confusing yourself with me.” I retorted wondering if she was drunk.

“For a girl who says she forgets nothing doesn’t seem to have a firm grasp on reality.” She replied. ’and for a girl who acts like she’s made of stone, you sure are a whiny little bitch.’ I insulted back in my head.

“I don’t forget anything, you’re just being psychotic due to depression.” I said going for a scientific reason this time.

“I’m not depressed.”

“Liar.” I replied back with no hesitation.

“Stop talking like Ashton, God!” Yanely grumbled. Talking like Ashton, what in the world did she mean, how was I anything like Ashton?

“It’s true, I think the way Ashton talks is reasonable, if all he’s doing that you dislike is pointing out the obvious truth.” I explained, if she was just upset that he was being honest with her, she had no right to be.

“You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” she snapped back.

“Neither do you.” I hissed back.

“I know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not ‘instable’.” she insulted, but that couldn’t hurt me now, I had already accepted that name.

“You’re more unstable than me, at least I could admit I was a bit. You act like you’re so mature and calm and collects but really you spend all of your time sobbing and breaking things, you’re an open book, you have no defenses, you’re whiny and act like the most victimized person on the world.” I replied chewing her out now, sharing my honest opinion.

“I admit I can be unstable sometimes, but maybe think about yourself once in awhile? I know, I break things, I hurt people, I hurt myself. And I do act victimized, I’ll admit, but that’s because I fucking am. At least I acknowledge what went wrong instead of fucking closing the door and never think about it. At least I’m not a fucking robot like you are.” she snarled back at me.

“I’m not a robot okay! If that’s how you’ll see me then fine, but I do have feelings! I might have been raised to repress but it doesn’t mean that I’m not affected. And I try to acknowledge what went wrong, I even tried making friends when I got to Lawschool! I may have been a robot in the past but I’m not now. And even if you are a victim you don’t have the right to act like everything that goes wrong was a personal attack on you.” I responded, she had hit a nerve with the robot comment.

“I’m not fucking saying that. I know everything is not a personal attack on me, and I can’t believe you of all people would insinuate that.” she replied, I was glad I had hurt her. She hurt me.

“I’m saying that because it’s how you act!” I replied being honest, I’m sure everyone would agree with me on that.

“Get me out of here, you bitch, before I make you.” She threatened. Oh no, however will she make me. Let’s find out.

“You can’t make me. I’m not letting you out till you calm down.” I stated.

“I’m fucking calm, but keep me here much longer and I won’t be anymore.” yeah right, she’s calm, totally believable.

“You aren’t calm, if you were calm you could have a civil conversation with me, without cursing.” I replied being as straightforward as I could.

“You know I curse no matter the situation.” she said trying to reason her way out of this.

“Yes but you use curse words lightly, now you’re spitting them.” I pointed out.

“Maybe I just fucking want to. Open the Goddamn door!” she demanded. I pursed my lip slightly knowing I’d have to let her out. She’d only get madder in here.

“Fine. But if you start breaking things again I’ll lock you back up.” I warned and hoped she’d heed it. I didn’t want to be locked in a room with her again.

“Try me. You’re just a short, little girl that doesn’t realize what she’s saying half the time.” she insulted.

“I always know what I’m saying, I’ve studied it, just because you don’t like doesn’t mean it’s not true. And I’m not short, I’m average, you’re just tall.” I replied defending my height.

“5'2 is not average.” Yanely replied.

“Yes it is.” I insisted.

“It is not.” yanely replied.

“Is too.” I retorted acting a bit like a child now.

“Right.” Yanely said sarcastically.

“Ughs.” I groaned knowing I had lost this one.

“Open the door.” Yanely said, I had already agreed to open it, so I suppose I had too now. Approaching the door I decided to try opening it like the last. Push up and out a couple of times and it’d open.

“There.” I said as the door creaked open.

“If anyone asks, it’s Tomato’s fault.” Yanely defended.

“Gosh I can’t blame a dog, I’ll say I tripped.” I replied not wanting Tomato to get in trouble.

“Everyone would believe that.” Yanely replied sarcastically. But it could happen, say I had tripped on the stool holding the vase, knocked over the vase, tried to catch myself on the wall, and skidded my heels on the painting.

“I mean maybe they would.” I said.

“They definitely would. I should go. My mother is probably looking for me.” Yanely said excusing herself.

I then walked off headed for my father’s room.

Not bothering to knock once I got there I waltzed in.

“I’m here to watch you leave!” I said happily.

“Learn to knock, Gracella.” He grumbled, he clearly was not a morning person. I barely remembered his morning habits. I felt a pang in my chest as I remembered waking up to blueberry pancakes with my sister; no, times are different now,

“I don’t have to learn to knock because not everyone is bothered by busting in, plus you’ll be gone soon anyways, thus I won’t have to deal with your pet peeves.” I said happily. It felt like a Christmas miracle that he was leaving already.

“Grace, I will never understand you. You and your mother. You both stand aside, ignoring the flaws of society, ignoring what you could do to help the world. You prefer to play it safe and it’s stupid. You need to stand up for your beliefs not stand to the side.” He said putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Father, I am not you. I was not raised by you, I do not care about you, and I do not share your beliefs. You are aggressive and rotten and cruel and selfish. Your opinions are shit, I will never stand for them. I stand or what I believe in, just because it isn’t the same as what you believe in doesn’t mean I don’t do it. Like how I believe that you should be leaving, now.” I spat attacking him. He only scoffed as his luggage began to be taken away. I smirked as I watched him leave. Good.

*********************************************

Later that day I decided to fulfill my goal and talk to Alizé. It took tons of courage but I finally found her in the hallway.

Alizé didn’t turn out to be too awful. We made chocolate cupcakes. I started off apologizing to her, I needed too after all, after that fateful night.

The ball was coming though, so our time was cut short. Our maids needed to dress us after all, and the chefs needed the kitchen.

The ball was the final blast of the families visits, they would leave the next morning, thank God for that. I’d be back to peace. I had managed to last the week this far without a drop of alcohol.

Once the ball came though, it started off surprisingly nice. That is until I bumped into Winter and her mother, Cody of course was tagging along.

“Oh, Gracey. I’d like to introduce you to my mother.” Winter said. Right away I smiled and held out my hand.

“Oh that’d be wonderful!” I said happily with a wide smile.

“Hello, dear. I’m Reyna.” Her mother said, she seemed nice so far.

“Hi I’m Gracebella, it’s a plea-” I started but was cut off by my mother.

“Fiona Sinclair, her mother. I heard your daughter is a three was well, are you planning on putting her in law school, of course my baby’s almost done with it and she’s only a year older than yours, but still, is yours planning on being a lawyer?” She asked going right into her mom fights. She hated the girls who were also threes. A blush graced my cheeks as I fidgeted awkwardly knowing what was coming.

“Um. Yes actually. My little Winter has always wanted to be a lawyer. Just like her father.” Her mother replied, that’s sweet. I wanted to be a lawyer for my father too. Until I realized he was a total asshole.

“How much has she been studying for her tests, I assume she’s not in college yet, where is she planning on going. My Grace went to the best in the country.” she bragged, there it was. Her horrendous bragging.

“Winter was about to be a senior in high school. She hadn’t decided on a college yet. There were too many to choose from.” she said, thank goodness her mother didn’t take the bait and fight mine. Next I’d just have to pray that for once my mother’s sharp senses would be dull. But as I watched Cody mouth things to winter I knew that was a dream that would never come true. My mother was too sharp to not notice.

“My daughter knew where she was going since she was eight.” My mother bragged.

“You let an eight year old choose a college?” her mother asked, to which mine just rolled her eyes with a smug look.

“No of course not, I picked it for her.” my mother replied as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Wouldn’t want to let her too far off the leash, am I right?” Her mother replied, sarcasm saturating her voice.

“Of course not, otherwise she’d go to an awful school and end up in a ditch.” mine replied ignoring her sarcastic tone of voice.

Her mother pursed her lips “I see. But why are you focusing more on her career rather than the selection. Don’t think she can win?” her mother said which hurt me more than it should have.

“She can win with ease, if you haven’t noticed Prince Ashton clearly loves her, plenty more than yours at least. I’m focused on her career because I wasn’t relying on her to be selected, though now that she’s here she’d make an excellent Queen.” My mother defended.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. My daughter is still here, as well. In fact, she’s the favorite and she was on the front cover of the Gossipel.” Winter’s mother bragged.

“Oh yes the magazine for sluts, it’s only appropriate she’s on the cover, I heard she’s even getting with the other prince.” my mother said now attacking Cody and Winter. Cody and Winter stiffened at her comment.

“Puh-lease, Prince Ashton is obviously in love with my daughter. She deserves only the best.” Her mother replied.

“Why is Ashton automatically considered the best?” Winter said, and in the moment winter was distracting her mother I stepped on her foot, lightly enough that it wouldn’t hurt, but enough for her to know it was on purpose.

“I think my mother and I need to go back to my room, one of my Bobby pins appear to be falling out.” I said trying to find a way to escape.

“I’m not a maid, Grace.” My mother scoffed.

“Could have fooled me.” Her mother commented, in raging my mother. Though she only let it show for a moment.

“Well, no wonder your daughter is so sloppy, she comes from a pig like you.” My mother insulted back.

Cody then stepped up to speak, “Excuse me miss, but no one likes a hypocrite. But wait, a hypocrite means both parties are doing the same things. However, you are the only pig here.” Cody replied, gosh Cody you are digging your own grave. My mother is an excellent lawyer. She knows how to get people to admit things regardless of if they want to, or even if they did it. If she decided to attack you it’d be over.

“Excuse you, my daughter will probably be married to your brother and I highly doubt when she is Queen she’ll stand for your insults at me.” I couldn’t take that comment, the secondhand embarrassment and shame filled me. Even if I would be the Queen I would never brag about it like that or use it to crush my friends, I couldn’t control myself this time and elbowed my mother in the side. Winter then lurched forward and grabbed Cody’s arm pulling him back. “he’s sorry.” Winter said for Cody. To who I’m not sure.

“I don’t apologize to witches, Win.” Cody growled.

“It’s fine winter, she’s even worse than me at holding her tongue.” I replied to try and calm the conversation down a bit. I would rather they insult me then attack each other.

My mother ignored my second escape route now. “why are you so defensive over her Prince Cody, is it because you love her?” she taunted.

“How dare you! You shall not accuse my daughter of treason.” Her mother said getting loud now, people were starting to notice us more and more. Winter looked struck with fear, and cody…well..Cody looked like he was ready and would enjoy ripping my mother’s head off.

“Well it’s true isn’t that right, Grace?” my mother asked. Why did she have to bring me more into this?

I sighed to give myself a chance to gather my thoughts, then I would lie. I hope she wouldn’t noticed I used the sigh to think.“Of course it’s not true mother, Winter is loyal to Ashton and would never betray him like that.” I said. I knew the words would hurt them. No one likes to be scene as a traitor, but I had to, that’s what my mother needed to hear, and cody and winter clearly could not handle themselves at the moment. Cody in fact stiffened almost immediately. I’ll find a time later to apologize.

“See even your own daughter understands.” Her mother replied. I felt a bit insulted by the ‘even’ part of her statement but held it in for the time being.

“Yup, see mother you’re just confused. Maybe you should go take a nap before continuing your social endeavors.” I suggested hoping she’d agree with me and leave this conversation.

“I don’t need sleep, Grace, I just need them to admit their relationship because it’s true. You might be a good liar but not to me.” she said and pinched my cheek. Ouch. And I was an excellent liar, though I hadn’t needed to lie about things recently I was a little insulted by her response. I was a trained liar! Most lawyers become politicians anyways so they give you lessons as a lawyer to be one. Since it’s easy to topple a daddy’s boy who hasn’t actually studied the law, in supporting the making of a law, or even in parks and recreation, you need to know the legal limits of stuff, such as for parks they would need to know that each child needs 100square feet to run. So you have to multiple C(the amount of kids)*100 to get the size of your park. And that changes from province to province.

“There is no relationship.” Cody stated firmly. “Liar liar pants on fire!” My mother hissed, oh so it’s not genetic that sometimes I have childish replies. It’s learned, great, means I can change it.

“What do you want me to say? That I’m desperately and hopelessly in love with her? That I can hardly breathe when she’s around- when she isn’t? That my jealously can consume me if someone glances in her direction? Because she’s perfect, and everyone should be in love with her- everyone probably is. But they can’t be. That’s my job and my job alone. What else do you want to hear? She’s my best friend, she’s the only one I and will always love? That she’s lovelier than the moon itself or the season she’s named after- even in the morning when she can’t be bothered? That it pained me not to be able to kiss her and tell her I love her because she might not feel the same way? That I still can’t do that whenever I want because she could be taken from me? That it kills me to know that her life and reputation is on the line every time she’s with me? That the vultures that are the press could ruin her life because of me? I can’t do that to her. I’d never let it happen. She’s everything to me. Everything… Is that what you want to hear?” Cody poured out, loud enough that eyes turned.

Goodness, Cody, and you said I was the one who spoke without thinking.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear.” she said and gave winter’s mother a smirk. Giving her I told you so smirk she so often does after winning a trial.

“mother!” I hissed. Just then fireworks exploded outside of the palace. I wonder what’s that about. But as I turned back to finish this mess of a conversation Cody and Winter had run off. Alright I think I’m about done with this ball.

“Mother, come with me.” I said angrily and took her hand dragging her to opposite way that I assume winter and cody left, taking her downstairs to the bedrooms.

“You’re done with the ball for tonight, you feel sick.” I explained planning out the story I would say when they asked where she was. Once I got to her room I closed the door. Found another guard and made sure she would stay put.

Once I was back in the ballroom I sighed and watched the girls dance around the floor. I needed Ashton, I needed his comfort, as awkward as it could be, his presence alone was enough to comfort me. I needed to hear his voice and see his smile. And once more I needed him, just in the past challenge I had the same feeling. It seems our moments of distance were becoming harsher and harsher to handle.

Once I spotted him I smiled widely and was prepared to approach him, till I saw his dancing partner. Alizé. I didn’t hate her, but I certainly still didn’t like her, no, I didn’t like her with ashton. I didn’t like anyone with ashton. I had been trying to say it was the girl I didn’t like, but I didn’t like Alizé being with Ashton, they felt too close. I felt we were on equal level. I felt she was my real opponent. All of us act like this isn’t a competition but we can all feel it inside. We all know that we’re fighting. Even Yanely and I could probably be at each other’s throats if we talked more about Ashton.

‘He was going to chose Alizé.’ The thought came into me head. No. No. No. He would never pick Alizé when he could have me. I’m better. I’m not weak like she is, I am more driven than she is, I am nicer than she is, I’m friendlier than she is, I am better at everything than she is, and Ashton is mine.

[ladycambianiscovar]

@the-gossipel @gracebella-sinclair

(I saw this video on The Tonight Show’s Youtube channel and I had to and please ignore my crappy photoshop skills)

[gracebella-sinclair]

OH MY GOD 😂😂😂😂😂

[ashtonschreave-blog]

Grashton

thx for the input 

[gracebella-sinclair]

It is not Grashton, we went over this in the women's room. Ashella is much better.

Yanely + Ashton= Ashely Piper + Ashton= Pipton me + Ashton= Ashella Roxana + Ashton= Ashana Holly + Ashton= Hoton Alizé + Ashton= Ashtozé

[psych2go]

If you like more of this, follow @psych2go​

[gracebella-sinclair]

@yanely-genovious @cillia-elizabeth-rountree @winter-havilliard it's us

[kaliforhnia]

Tell him you’re excited to have his last name and then marry his brother

[tardis-mind-palace]

This is some Shakespeare level shade

[starving-armrest]

Waste his time 1596

[gracebella-sinclair]

@winter-havilliard

[twopartsbitter]

if u were a gifted/talented child who grew into an anxious adult w fragile self worth and a perfectionist streak that makes u abandon things if ur not good at them immediately clap ur hands

[spookyloop]

[gracebella-sinclair]

😂

[gracebella-sinclair]

Challenge #4

‘I’m going to get arrested, why am I doing this?’ I thought to myself as my heart pulsed. Being the obedient eight year old girl I was, running away was not really my most comfortable space, especially after curfew. But I miss him, my father, he always smelled of pine, his loud laugh which once had echoed in my house was gone, the removal of mother’s kind lullabies and games she would play with us before bed, and my sister’s hands playing patty cake with my own. The noises that we’re all so often heard in my home, replaced by the sound of my constant writing and studying, the in and outs of my private tutors. My father wasn’t able to take this change, his legal works had come to a stop and he now had left the house where my other mother and I stayed. But she was cold, unlike the mother I loved, my other mother was brutal, she saw no need for side enjoyments, or the small pleasures of life. She seemed to believe that life wasn’t to live; life was to work.

I’m not sure how she even came to be a part of this family, she was nothing like my true mother, she didn’t enjoy songs, she didn’t laugh or smile, she wasn’t enthusiastic like my father, I doubt they truly loved my other mother.

The house my father had chosen to stay in was very small; he had always said that you didn’t need money to be happy but….this? It was even in a bad neighborhood, filled with vile sevens and eights. It was their God chosen destiny to be poor, my father didn’t have to live among them.

After the car accident, my father didn’t work. My other mother constantly fought with him. Apparently my mother wasn’t the happiest before the accident, they blamed her ‘depression’ as they called it for the accident. They don’t know what happened, they weren’t there, I was. Besides my mother would never have taken Isabel and I with her if she was going to commit ‘suicide’. The accident was purely an accident.

They decided it was suicide. She had been depressed about something lately, she had bad self esteem or something, whatever they had decided to list as the reason. They were wrong though, she would never do that.

Regardless my father didn’t recover. He stopped working all together, and finally once he got tired off all of the fighting, he ran away, leaving me with her. Of course I was a little mad at him for leaving me with her, I could easily blame him and say any hope of happiness was stripped from me when he left, only replaced by the bitter feeling of textbooks, but I know too well that any happiness I had was stripped away from me the minute that they died.

The small wooden steps to the cottage creaked as I walked up them, I would finally get to see him again. It had taken forever to hunt him down and find him. He was very good at hiding when he didn’t want to be found. I knocked on the door and braced myself, I wasn’t sure how he would reply to seeing me. Would he be upset that I had looked for him when he seemed to want to stay hidden, would he be happy to see me after these months of nothing, would he be worried that I walked all the way here in the miss of the night?

But once the door opened and my father hugged me, I didn’t care what he thought, I was just happy to be in his arms. He smelled like home. The smell of pine, honey, and a little bit of liquor, of course I was supposed to ignore that part though.

“Daddy, I’m so happy to see you! I’ve missed you so much!” I cried happily locking my arms tightly around his chest.

“Oh, my little girl, I’ve missed you too.” He said calmly and put his hand on the top of my head ruffling my hair.

“Come on inside, sweetie.” He said leading me inside his home, my new home, away from that monster mother. It wasn’t very bright inside, all of the lights being flipped off. But there was a small fire going in the fireplace giving the small house warmth and light.

“Sweetie, I don’t want to sound like I’m asking you to leave, because I’m not, but why are you here? I’m sure your mother didn’t approve of this.” He asked calmly, taking my jacket and putting it on the edge of a chair he had in the corner of the small room.

“she doesn’t know I’m here and I’d like to keep it that way. Father I just hate her, she doesn’t care about me or love me, all we do is work and study and I can’t take it anymore, I want to be happy again.” I explained and plopped on the ground in front of the fireplace.

“Alright sweetie, but just for a few days, then I’ll call your mom and we can talk about what to do from here if you really aren’t happy there.” He said before getting up.

“I’ll make us some tea.” He said then walked off behind a corner. He was scared of her, scared of what she could do. She had ‘custody’ over me for some reason. It’s not because she deserves it or cares about me, she probably just bribed the judge. She always gets her way, it’s not fair.

“Hey, sweetie?” My father asked from the other room, he sounded worried about what he would say next. I wonder why, I still don’t know.

“Yes, father?” I asked rocking back and forth a bit on the ground with my knees to my chest.

“Would you mind tutoring one of my neighbors tomorrow morning, I know you’re very smart and she’s only a six so she doesn’t get much schooling, they’re willing to pay for your time too.” He asked. That’s when I realized it, my father was less than a six, and from the looks of it he didn’t seem to have any supplies to be a seven, so he must be almost an eight now. I didn’t need the money, but he did.

“Sure, I’d love to help them out.” I said faking ignorance still, acting like I’d be helping them. Sixes could afford schooling, they didn’t need a tutor, father must have mentioned me before and begged, or maybe he’s acting like he’s still at home with her, and mother, and my sister? Either way he was the one being helped here.

Her name is Beatrice Vilaria, she’s only two years younger than me. She has dark black hair and blue eyes. She reminded me a bit of a raven. She was also extremely smart. I had always wondered how people could tell I was smart when I was doing such easy work? Wouldn’t they see it just as easy as I did, not worth an accomplishment? Now I know how. Beatrice was doing work I was doing about three years younger than her, but she was working so much faster than most of my accelerated peers at the time.

She was magnificent, and a six.

Why would God give her such a fate, it wasn’t fair, such a wasted skill. One day I’ll find a way to save her. She doesn’t deserve to be a six, she should be a three.

And I made her one.

————————————————–

I heard my maids wondering about my room, picking up dresses, getting makeup, but kept my eyes closed pretending to still be asleep, I wasn’t ready to wake up from this dream. It was a good one for once, but the past was past, and I had to deal with today. When I sat up one of my maids jumped from my sudden moment.

“Are you alright?” Tiffany asked.

Putting my hand to my head I felt the world spinning, cursed nap, cursed brain, I hated when I dreamed of my past, as sweet as I like to believe that memory was, my memory is too refined, it was far to realistic. I bet when time travel is invented they’ll send me first since I’m already far too used to going back and forth. Occasionally though there are some things even I can’t remember, my mother’s smell, my sister’s laugh. Though I know I’ll never forget her scream.

“um yes, I’m just going to the restroom real quick before getting ready for dinner.” I said getting up to go to the bathroom. I hope Ashton’s at dinner tonight, he’s been very busy with work, he told us that he’d have to put us all on hold for a week or so. It’s only expected he is going to be King one day he must have countless responsibilities to attend to. But I still can’t help but to want to cuddle next to him again, to hear his laugh.

I also can’t help but worry that some other girl is playing around with him; the jealousy startled me at first, it made me worry I would turn into a jealous crazed witch, thankfully that was not the case. Yanely and I did have yet another fight though. She was sleeping with him too. I couldn’t stand the thought that her also sleeping with him made me less interesting, maybe he preferred how she did it? Also the thought of her running her hands up his body just aggravated me to an unbelievable extent, he was mine. No we were sharing him which I had to remind myself. I had to act sweet like it didn’t bother me, it’d be selfish to act anything other than that.

Locking the bathroom door behind me I took a deep breath in. The tile was cold on my feet in the bathroom. It got colder much faster here. In Clermont the cold doesn’t come until late November and it’s only slightly chilly then. But right now it was already fairly cold in November. Maybe it’ll even snow? I used to like the ½ inch of snow we’d get in Clermont. Even if just for a day I’d make slush snowmen, and play around in the melting dirt colored snow. Here it might snow more. It doesn’t rain nearly as much though, it makes sense since Angeles used to be a desert, but I miss thunderstorms, they were calming.

I turned the water on running it as I looked at myself in the mirror. God I hate my nose, my cheeks are so fat too, I wish my appearance was as amazing as my brain, maybe Ashton would love me more like that. No no no, don’t go back to your old habits, you’ll ruin everything, if Ashton doesn’t love you as you are then he doesn’t matter to you.

I splashed the cold water onto my face and stared into the mirror. I used to stare into the mirror all the time, analyze every imperfection of myself, I was sixteen then, I thought I was such an adult.

———————————————————

Black was such a boring color. Sure it looked good on everyone, at least it wasn’t say beige, beige looks awful on everyone, so at least whoever decided business attire tried a little. But still a very boring color. I wasn’t sure what to wear for my first day of classes. This was Law School so I assumed that you were supposed to dress as a lawyer would.

I had spent months begging my mother to let me spend this year at a dorm, if my grades suffered or if I didn’t like it I could come back home, but this year I could try it. Keyword try. My dorm was split up so I had a room with a door and a lock, then there was a living room combined with a kitchen, and my roommate’s room, separated from the living room by another lockable door. Thankfully hers was always locked and I couldn’t hear much of the moaning over my music. I didn’t particularly care to hear whatever activities they were engaging in on the other side of it. Sex out of wedlock was illegal and shouldn’t be done. It especially should not be done by a lawyer herself. Ughs, she should be thankful that I cared too much for her friendship to report her to the authorities. I needed a friend here, and I strongly needed for my trial roommate not to hate me.

I slid into my small black pumps and into the living room, where I saw for one of the first times my roommate, she had very fluffy curly blonde hair and perfect makeup, she also was not dressed like a lawyer causing my cheeks to flush. So, you do not dress like a lawyer.

“Uhhhhh.. hi. Jen-Jennifer?” I asked guessing her name, I barely remembered it started with a J. She only scoffed at me before walking out the door, probably on her way for her first class. I wonder how old she is? I suppose though I should change. After all she looked nothing like a lawyer, and was clearly superior to me in social knowledge if she was confident enough to scoff. If not I admire her confidence enough to follow after her in not dressing like a lawyer.

Walking back into my room I locked the door, but was soon distracted from my wardrobe change by The Report. Prince Ashton looked stupid, he wasn’t dressed well enough for his age, he looked childish. They were talking about him and his hopefully bright future.

“I bet I’m smarter than him.” I scoffed before getting to cleaning up my dorm, I had made a mess of it this morning looking for lawyer looking clothing, now I had to clean it up and look for normal looking clothing.

Sometimes I despised the idea of being a lawyer, we were supposed to clean up the King and Queen’s messes, their flaws in the laws they place. But we were also there to enforce them so I suppose we weren’t entirely babysitters. I wonder if Prince Ashton will be a dictator and toss us aside. He wouldn’t need lawyers to just have people killed for being disobedient. Though when I met him before he didn’t seem vile.

The time I met the prince was a story I had bragged about for weeks as a 6 year old. My father and mother were so proud that I had been invited to the palace for a special program located where the report was normally set. It was about the future minds of Illéa or something. But regardless they had given out a test and a packet to study from. I made the second highest score in the country on that test. With the study guide it was easy, just read it, memorized, say it, memorize, re write it, done. I was still a little bitter I only placed second, if I ever met the person who beat me I’d pound their face into the ground, verbally of course. Maybe not when I was six though, i couldn’t guarantee their safety then.

Anyways once I was there Prince Ashton of course was also there. He was of very clearly going to be one of the future minds of Illéa. He never said a word to me, my mother and father wouldn’t let me approach him either, but I watched him the whole time in awe. I felt like he was a God and I was blessed to get to see him. Anyways I stayed obedient and acted cute for the camera, since they didn’t want to hear actually intellectual things, they just wanted to see cute kids.

Looking through my clothes I picked up a black mini skirt with suspenders, a white button up, a black cardigan, and slide on some tights underneath. Then I slid on some while flats. Flats always made me feel short so they weren’t always my shoe of choice, but I was going for a little more formal than my roommate, but less formal than lawyer formal.

I was late to class my first day, wonderful. Walking to my class at a quick pace hoping the door was in the back of the room so my entrance wouldn’t be too noticeable, I happened to not notice the wet floor sign. Falling back to the marble floor I heard a loud thunk of my head hitting the ground.

“Oh my God, miss are you alright?” A janitor asked rushing over to me. She looked oddly similar.

“Oh yes, I’m sorry, I’ve just been in such a rush to get to class, I’m shamefully a bit late.” I laughed before noticing my spilled coffee.

“Oh no I’m so sorry!” I apologized knowing I’d be making her job much harder now.

“here let me help.” I offered getting up and walking over to her mop.

“No you really shouldn’t, I could get in trouble-”

“I’m just helping really, people these days should learn to clean up after themselves, really it was my fault I’ll do it missss-” I said cutting her off and taking a moment to find her name tag.

“-Beatrice.” I said then felt my eyes go wide remembering the girl I had tutored.

“BEATRICE!!” I yelled happily dropping the mop and hugging her tightly, she seemed a little embarrassed though not remembering me well I suppose.

“um, I’m sorry do I know you?” She asked nervously.

“Oh god, sorry.” I said pulling away from the hug.

“But yes yes you do, I’m Gracebella Sinclair, I tutored you when we were little, your family tried to help out my father.” I explained hoping she would remember me.

“Oh my gosh yes, Gracey! I can’t believe I forgot! Funny that we were the ones helping you though.” She added for a bit of negative humor. After all she believed she had ‘helped’ me the eight, and my father and now I was at Law School and she was our janitor.

“well my mother actually is the one who pays, my father is still broke and honestly I think he deserves to stay that way.” I said.

“Your mother? Your father told us she had died in a car accident.” she said sounding puzzled. Well, that wasn’t a complete lie.

“No no, I had two mothers, my parents are divorced.” I said spinning a lie of my own. She would imply one was a step mother probably the one who died. In actuality they were both my parents, none divorced until after we lost them.

“oh, well I shouldn’t be keeping you any longer, you have classes, and I have floors.” she said trying to stay lighthearted. But I could tell she was slightly jealous. This was unfair. As I said when I was eight though, I will find a way around the castes to save her and people who are meant to be in another one, I just need to time to get the money. It was rather expensive to raise someone’s caste, especially from one so low. It starts off easier though, I could probably transfer her to a five right now, maybe even push a four, but if I did that I wouldn’t have any money to feed myself, or push her to a three. I’d figure it out though.

“I’ll talk to you later.” I said giving her another tight hug, she smelled so relaxing.

All eyes were on my as I tried to slide into my class, already thirty minutes late on the first day.

“Where were you?” the professor asked.

“I slept in.” I answered as my face flushed darkly.

“Sit down, one of your peers will fill you in.” she said. I slide my feet as I walked causing the small shuffling sound to be made in the near silent room. Looking around I saw no empty seats, wonderful. After gazing for a moment behind the tall desk wall things I found one seat, it was even next to my roommate, I suppose we had a class together. I almost lost one of my flats as I walked up the steps to the seat next to Jennifer.

Her feet were aggressively placed in the chair next to her though as I approached it and she gave a small glare. Little bitch. I then lifted my foot up, rested my heel on her ankles and kicked her feet off my chair. I can’t wait to have better grades than her all year.

“Hey, good job on being fashionably late at least.” a guy from behind me whispered. I turned around and to eyes went wide in shock, oh. My. God. Jason Dalengard just talked to me. I had run into him during my schooling every once in awhile. If there was such a thing as a childhood crush he was my die hard one. He was good at things like sports so people in school liked him, and in general he was a social and sweet person. I suppose he ended up in law somehow as well.

“um t-thank you.” I stuttered before facing back to the front of the class and trying to focus. But I couldn’t, I also could pursue Jason though, after all i was only sixteen and he was twenty-five maybe? This was an advance legal class that final years in law school took, so he would be however old most were when graduating. Where as I was a first year skip grade student. But one day I’ll make him mine.

“Hey, my name’s Jessica, not Jennifer, and if you’re going to drool over a man twice your age I’d prefer for you to sit elsewhere.”she sassed.

“I was planning on it anyways. Most people wouldn’t want to hear your bawdy stories all year anyways, they aren’t funny.” I said guessing she would be the type to talk like that.

“I wouldn’t want to sit with such a prude either.” she said before spinning her pencil between two of her fingers.

I was glad we seemed to have a mutual agreement that we wouldn’t be friends, I needed to focus my mind on other things, such as my grades…and saving Beatrice.

One the bell rang I almost ran to go see Beatrice again, I wanted to invite her over for dinner, we could watch movies and talk about ideas for my goal to make her into a three. I’m not sure how she’d feel about it, but I wanted to try.

“B!” I yelled seeing her back walking away.

“Um!” she mumbled in surprise as I came running at her. Her face was very red from the attention she got. It made sense, sixes were supposed to work and not be seen, my calling her out like this probably easily flustered her. Once I got to her I took her arm walking her down the hallway away from her cleaning supplies.

“I need to talk to you, the world is run in such an awful way. Everyone is born with a dream right, and there’s always a very clear way to get it. Like if you want to be an artist you practice drawing, right? But the castes cause a flaw in this idea. They make it so that you cannot get what you want. It holds you down, crushes your dreams, and makes you try and be thankful that you’re at least not an eight, and if you’re an eight thankful you’re not in jail right. Some people will be able to reach the top like me, the rest will end up..well..like you.” I said pausing for a moment.

“I think we should look for a way around this. I mean you’re so smart, too smart to be mopping floors. So come over to my dorm tonight, we’ll come up with an idea. We’ll get around the caste system. Find a loophole, or create an escape route for people in the wrong caste. Or a way for them to escape their lives. Maybe even if we can make it better we can give the lower castes allowance too. Since some people need to clean the floors, and some people just aren’t right for the jobs in higher castes, so why not pay those people more for doing the work no one else wants too. Doesn’t that just make sense?” I asked as we turned the corner. She seemed a little confused and desperate to get back to her work.

“um I’m not sure if that would be appropriate.” she said quietly. God how had she gotten so mousey.

“It’ll be fine. Just come to this dorm, at 5pm later. I’ll get pizza and we can draft ideas then watch a movie or something, I don’t mind sharing my bed for it!” I said and scribbled down my building.

Everything was a hierarchy in Illéa, the dorms were no exception. We took a test at the start of the year that sorted us based off of our scores. My dorm, dorm Alpha was the smartest dorm, then Beta and so on.

“I’m not sure I can just walk into the Alpha Dorm like that, won’t I get kicked out on sight, or more likely shot at?” She asked joking a bit at the last part.

“Pleaseeeeee. I’ll make cookies if you come, or better yet cupcakes!” I said excited to get to bake a bit.

“Alright fine, I’ll see you then.” she gave in. I couldn’t help but to let a wide smirk claim my face.

*4pm later that day.*

“What are you doing?” Jessica asked as she leaned in my door way, she had been watching my scramble around setting the oven up, getting the cookie dough ready, and now doing the final touches on cleaning my room.

“I invited a friend over.” I replied, I wasn’t exactly gleeful to be talking to Jessica, but it’s not like I could avoid her, she lived with me.

“Really, is it a boy? Should I play some music like you did all summer?” She asked. What she was implying made my cheeks flush, I wanted to hit her stupid face as she snickered at my embarrassment.

“No, I’m not a criminal like you. It’s a girl she works for the school, we were friends when we were little.” I said as I fluffed my pillows.

“works for the school?” Jessica asked as she bit her bottom lip holding in laughter.

“Is the youngest girl at the school friends with the old ladies working for the school?” She asked.

Ughs, I didn’t even want to dignify that with a good response.

“No.” I said reluctantly. BEEP BEEP. Oh my timer, the oven’s done preheating. Walking to the doorway I pushed past Jessica, making my way to the kitchen. She then let out a horrified gasp.

“You did not invite a six to our home!” She yelped sounding absolutely repulsed.

“Yes I did, her name is Beatrice, she’s very smart actually. We’re going to watch movies and eat cookies.” I said leaving out the part about brainstorming her escape.

“Oh my god, do you not care about your social life at all, or mine for that matter. Imagine what will happen if people hear about a six coming in and out of my home. No, cancel with her, or go to her house, a six is not stepping a foot in here, unless they’re here to clean.” She pouted as I started to hum to a beat of a pop song that I was playing in my head.

“Nope, she’s coming here, she should be here in about an hour.” I said.

“fine.” she grumbled before walking away to her room slamming in locking the door.

Once the cookies were done I heard the first doorbell, the pizza guy was here. I wasn’t sure what kind of pizza Beatrice liked so I got pepperoni, hawaiian, and cheese. I figured she wouldn’t mind taking the leftovers anyways. Soon after the pizza guy came, she arrived. She looked so nervous.

“Beatrice! I’m so happy you came.” I said and pulled her in. She seemed amazed by my small dorm room. Poor girl.

“common, let’s put down your stuff in my room and we’ll move the pizza and cookies to my room as well, that way my roommate can’t steal any from us.” I said.

It took us thirty minutes of silence to give up. We had no ideas, we also decided that Beatrice was too excited to be at a sleepover to really help. So we gave up and started running a movie.

But soon our movie was interested by a loud banging, at first I thought it was just Jessica and another one of her boy toys, but once I cracked the door open and peeked out I knew what had happened. Jessica had retaliated against me by bringing one of her parties of sin here.

“what’s that?” Beatrice asked, to which I groaned not wanting to have to burden her with my feud.

“My roommate Jessica has randomly decided to start a party, probably because I told her I was planning on having a quiet sleepover.” I complained.

“Really, why not go chew her out then? I don’t mind if you step out for a moment, just don’t desert me in this land of threes.” she said pleading to me a bit at the last part.

“Good idea, you’re getting a bit of the spunk I remember back.” I complimented then went through my drawers. I only owned one party dress. A friend dared me to buy it as a joke in high school so I did. It was a black skintight dress with purple flowers, the top had a low cut showing most of my boobs.

“Oh my God, Gracey where are your clothes?” Beatrice asked as she saw me change into the dress.

“hush, I must blend in with the sluts in order to find the whore Queen.” I joked getting a small giggle out of her.

It was easier said than done. My dorm always felt so small but with all these people it suddenly felt like an endless labyrinth.

“Pardon me, have you seen Jessica?” I asked to one guy who I had bumped into.

“Yeah, last I saw she was talking to Jason Dalengard in the kitchen, pumpkin.” He said, he had such an awful accent and such a bad tone of voice. Once I turned to go to the kitchen I felt his hand hit my ass. Ughs men can be so repulsive.

Once I got to the kitchen I saw her and Jason, when I had heard she was with him a felt a small pang of jealousy, but now that I saw the small bag of white powder he handed over to Jessica I was repulsed. I stormed straight up to her.

“what in the wor-”

“Oh right, here it’s your boy toy for tonight, ditch the six, I’m sure he’d love to pop your cherry, since I’m sure someone like you is still a virgin.” she scoffed interrupting me, leaving me speechless and flustered as she got away. Jason only laughed in response.

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite. I’m sorry that Jess seems to be picking on you, she has a twisted sense of humor.” Jason apologized.

“were you selling drugs?” I asked sounding a bit more angry than I meant too.

“Why do you want some?” He asked.

“no why would I want something so-” I started but felt him lean down, pressing his lips into mine. Oh my God, what is going on?

“um excuse me, what was that?” I asked as he pulled away.

“Nothing serious, I’m just a tad bit drunk, and frankly you’re hot and you turn me on, you have a very refreshing and pure vibe, I want to be the one to taint it.” He whispered into my ear pinning me against the fridge.

“my room is just next door, we could slip out there.” He said, God, why do you test me like this?

“As much as I’d love to, I actually have a guest here who I must attend to. A female guest, so your male ego can still be fed by ‘tainting’ me later.” I said with a smirk. Oh my lord did I just flirt?

“well, I’ll be waiting then.” He replied before turning and walking away, leaving me breathless against the fridge.

Running back into my room I closer and locked the door and flopped myself onto the bed.

“Was everything alright?” Beatrice asked, seeming confused by my sudden outburst.

“No, but I got an idea. What if the way to get around the castes isn’t to look for one, it’s to take full advantage of the way we already have?” I asked. This had sounded obvious, but while I was thinking of a mass reorganization I entirely forgot about it.

“What if, we just get a loan or something, or even if I just cut down my spending and put most of my money into this, we could start a program that pays for people’s schooling and transfers them to the caste of their desire?” I asked.

“And, we’ll start with you.” I said sitting up and facing her, trying to get Jason out of my mind.

“me? That’s impossible, it’s far to lat-”

“you’ll be a three, I guarantee I will support you to be one.”

———————————————————–

And I did, but it took awhile. My father eventually got arrested, it was just a petty theft but it was enough to have his money transferred over to me. He actually had about the same he had as a three. I was very confused at first, how had he maintained his money, why was he stealing if he could afford to pay? What was he stealing? Why was his case so rushed and isolated? Why had he fallen so low by choice?

It didn’t matter, with that and the money I had begged my mother for, and the pay I got for an internship under one of my professors, I had enough to raise Beatrice’s caste and start her back on education, along with that I had enough leftover to start a program that made more money, and helped people. I called it a cinderella project of sorts. I would find teachers willing to take extra time to tutor, myself included, and pushed them through education paying them an allowance to which by the end of the program would be enough for them to raise their castes.

Hopefully raise them enough to be a three. There was one situation where a girl named Lilac only had enough to be a four, I was a bit desperate at the time so I appeared so. My roommate whose name is actually Jessica, not Jennifer, helped me. It had taken awhile, but I admired her confidence, and she was smart, she respected me in the same way so we eventually put our disagreements past us and became friends. She helped me when Jason turned rotten, and she offered some money and to buy food for the dorm which helped me save enough to being Liliac to a three.

Of course this is all hypothetical, none of them are old enough yet to be lawyers. Before they are I will either be Queen and guarantee they have a happy life and that they are not judged by their pasts and denied work, or they will work for me at my own personal firm. Normally I would intern for someone and start from the bottom. But I don’t need to, I’m already recognized enough in the legal society that I’ll get hired regardless of who I’m working under. So, why not be my own boss?

I turned the water off and dried my face off with a towel. “I’ll be out in a moment.” I said to my maids before walking out back to my room.

As the maids prettied me up in front of the mirror, putting an olive green dress on me I let a sigh leave my lips,

“I hope Ashton’s at dinner.” I muttered. My maids jumped in glee a bit. They seemed overly excited anytime I said anything about Ashton. They were like little fangirls. I’d work more on my challenge after dinner though, they’d be happy that I was working on it. They had been a bit worried I had lost interest in Ashton from my lack of activity on their challenges. But Ms.Nancy simply hadn’t given out any in awhile. I wonder what I should do though. It might be fun to do something relating to my cinderella project.

“Pardon me, earth to Gracebella?” Tiffany said trying to bring me out of my thoughts.

“yes?” I asked seeming a bit confused. About what I’m even more confused about.

“we’re done dressing you, you can head to the dining room now.” Tiffany explained. Oh yes, dinner. Being done being dressed. Right. I wish Ashton was with me to undress me. I missed so much about him, talking to him of course, and seeing him, but our more sexual pass times were also deeply missed.

———————————————————–

Ashton wasn’t at dinner. He’s probably still busy working. Prince Cody was though. He and Winter were annoying. Even if they’re trying to ‘keep it on the downlow’ they suck at it. Winter’s life is at stake and they both know it. They could at least try to act like they’re just acquaintances and stop having eye sex.

But God I really needed to think of something to do with this challenge. After dinner I walked to the women’s room, most girls had gone to their room after dinner so I was mostly alone in the room when suddenly Alizé approached me.

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?” She asked.

“Sure!” I said with a smile hoping she wasn’t here to fight, I really wasn’t in the mood to deal with a bitch.

“I know we haven’t exactly been on the best of terms, and I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I said you were instable. I meant to tell you earlier that I didn’t actually dislike you, but…” she said with a shrug. Wow. That was such a half assed apology. She basically just said, I’m sorry, I was gonna make up but jk. Ughs.

“I appreciate that you’re trying to apologize, and I will try to accept your apology, but I’m not sure I’d really like to be friends with you, the fact that this fight started the way it did tells me a bit about you, it tells me that you say what comes to your mind with little thought, and in some cases it’s great, talking your mind can be a really good thing, I’m just not sure i would like to be friends with someone whom has shown they can easily say things without taking for account another person’s feelings. And I’m sorry if anything I have said has offended you, I know from personal experience that the walls here are thin so you may have overheard me say some nasty things about you, that’s something pretty awful about me when I’m hurt I kind of forget common courtesy. But thank you again for apologizing.” I said trying not to offend her. I tried to turn her negative trait to something positive but she really didn’t have the positive aspects. There’s a difference between saying whatever you want without regard for others feelings, and speaking your mind

“Okay. You’re probably right when you say I’m usually speaking my mind, and I get why that was wrong coming from me. I accept your apology for saying these things about me, but that doesn’t mean you have to accept mine too. I just want you to know I don’t want to fight with you. Thank you for apologizing, too.” She replied, at least she was trying to be humble about this.

“I have an idea, how about since I probably shouldn’t base everything I know of you from one experience so how about we do something together to try and get to know each other, after all normally the selected become closer friends even once they leave, so how about we try doing something together so we can better see how we are. I mean Ashton kept both of us till now so there must be some positive qualities in each other that I’m sure we could see in a friendship way.” I said, I didn’t really want to spend time with her. But I figured this was better than just letting her go on and rage about how I was so rude for not wanting to be friends with a girl like her.

“Why not? I mean… I probably wouldn’t use Ashton’s opinion to judge you, but you’re right. We should just try to get along at least.” she replied agreeing with my idea. Her part about using Ashton’s opinion made me feel a little insulted. I was implying that we may see similar traits in a platonic way, such as lady holly is friendly to him, but she’s also pretty friendly in general. But the way she said that made me feel like she was saying Ashton’s opinion of me was just sex.

“Let’s see, what kinds of things interest you? I personally have a small side project but I don’t know what your career as a three is and if it’s not similar to mine you’d probably find my side project extraordinarily boring to hear about, so what side things do you do for fun?” I said thinking of my cinderella project.

“You want to be a lawyer right? If I’m honest my plans aren’t so definite, or so organised. At the moment I’m working on a history side project in college, and I plan on focusing on Africa. The plan always was to return to France one day, and maybe be a teacher. You can tell me about your project if you want to.” how old was she again. Assuming she’s like eighteen she should really know what to do. I knew what I was doing when I was seven. Even without my skill controlling my fate, she should at least have some idea of what she’s doing. I guess she does a bit with being a teacher. But she still seems very disorganized.

“I wouldn’t want to bore you with it so I’ll keep it short, I’m basically doing a cinderella project with a couple of kids from the lower castes, I’m funding their education and paying for them to move up to being threes, they’re all very sweet kids and education is such an important thing so I decided to do that, Bridget actually got int- oh yeah short and sweet.” I paused laughing for a moment. “Anyways did you move from France? I speak French but I’ve never gotten to go, sadly.” I said, I did speak French along with plenty of other languages. Learning other languages is surprisingly easy if you remember everything.

“Oh I forgot to say, it relates to my future job since I’m paying for them to become lawyers if they desire then they will have a guaranteed career under me at my firm.” I said trying to relate it back so she didn’t just think i was bragging.

“That sounds like an amazing project! Working with children is amazing most of the time I think. And yeah, my whole family except for my parents and my sister is in France.” she said. That sounded great, an excuse to go to France.

“I think it’ll be fun, Bridget was a friend’s younger sister whom I babysat when I was younger occasionally, long story to explain how I ended up babysitting two Sixes, but Bridget loved working on my schoolwork with me so I started saving up and being a lawyer makes a lot, especially since I actually finished college at age 15 and started law school at 16, so I really have had plenty of time to save up and it’s very easy for me to get work due to my academic speed looking nice, and I don’t have any siblings or anyone really to take care of so I started that little project. Do you think it’s fun being in France? I’ve heard it’s a lovely country aesthetically.” I said moving onto France not wanting to talk about myself too much.

“About the children… you know our week project? Avalon and I met some kids in Angeles and took them to a school that’s usually reserved for sixes, they are all so sweet and determined, first of all. It’s so good to see them making something out of their lives that makes them happy. One of them wants to be a doctor and I’m fully convinced she will make it. I really admire them, because if I was to suffer like they did, would I have the strength like they do?” She paused. A doctor, a doctor. That’s it. That’s what I can do. My challenge can be to expand the program! It’d help so many children who want to be more than just lawyers, I can find companies willing to accept them, and people to help donate and fund the program, it’d be marvellous. But for now I’d have to repress my inspiration and finish this conversation.

“Well I can only speak of France personally because every time I’m there I’m having a wonderful time with my cousins who are amazing, but I think it’s a beautiful country. But what I love most about it is the language.” She added.

“I think I’m going to try and make my side project bigger one day, once they all graduate and work under me I could try and get donations and work with kids who want to be more than just lawyers, I picked lawyers because I’d be able to make sure they succeeded, but I’d like to branch out and give them a chance to grow up to be things other than a lawyer, like helping the kid you met to be a doctor. This country is just so dependent on wealth it allows for silly mistakes, like the child you met could grow up to be a grand doctor but because they’re not rich they may never make it. And the French language is lovely, I learned it along with Italian, German, Japanese, Russian, and Chinese in grade school. Personally I found it pointless to be learning languages of countries that weren’t around anymore like China since that’s new Asia, but I’m glad I did since people do still speak them, I was just very bratty as a child since I had to learn every second of the day, my mother took the possibility of being a genius due to my memory capabilities to mean I had to be one, not really focusing on thee, I ‘could’ aspect of it.” I said before pausing for a moment of breath.

“Thus I know more languages than I can count, and the most random facts since I just studied everything before I knew I was going to be a lawyer.” I concluded.

“I have no idea if I would want a memory like that… You already thought this through a thousand times I guess, but isn’t it also a burden to be remembering everything so well? But I’d love to learn more languages, I only know the ones I use, so English, French and Kanuri.” She replied. Yes it is a burden I said feeling myself dropping back into my memory once more.

———————————————————–

“Jason, I changed my mind, I don’t want to do this.” I mumbled as I tried to roll over off of his waist but felt his hand tight on my thigh.

“Jason let go of me!” I demanded as I managed to get off of him now next to him on the bed. He smelled awful. The stench of alcohol and cigarettes in the room. He then leaned over and pushed me down onto the bed gripping my wrists so tight I felt they would break.

“Please Jason.” I cried out in a soft breath as I felt him force my shirt off, his hands looser on my wrists. I could have run, I could have fought. Why wasn’t I stronger? Why did I just lay there? Why was I so pathetic I remember the next morning when I got up.

I wanted to spit in his face. Burn his clothes, rip up his school work. Anything to hurt him, but instead I made pancakes. I got in the kitchen and made breakfast, because that was how this was supposed to be right? I was supposed to wake up, make breakfast, and we’d cuddle in bed together.

I couldn’t eat pancakes again till I was seventeen.

When I walked back into the room to cuddle and eat breakfast I could barely move. My wrists were bruised, my mind was sprained, and my heart was broken. I was broken.

“I’ll be right back, I promised Jessica I’d remind her to do her homework in the morning.” I said getting up with my phone. Locking the bathroom door I turned on the water and opened my phone, I then dialed the one number I didn’t want to.

“Hi, mom?” I asked.

“Yes, have you decided to come back home?” She asked.

“No, I think I was just raped, mother.” I said and felt the tears starting to come.

My mother sighed before replying, “okay sweetie, break up with him, we’ll get you some more medication, and I’ll deal with everything else. Just don’t tell another soul.” she said, this was wrong why was she saying this, I know she wanted me to succeed and be happy but this wouldn’t help me do either.

“No, mother. I don’t agree that. Increase my sleeping meds, I’ll handle everything else. I’m not breaking up with him.” I said before hanging up on her. I must have misunderstood. Maybe Jason had misheard me, maybe he hadn’t heard me say no, maybe he regretted it. It wasn’t his fault, I won’t break up with him over something so silly.

“Hey, Jason, can I talk to you?” I asked after walking back to his room.

“Sure, baby.” He said.

“Last night, did you hear me say no?” I asked, he seemed to grimace.

“Well I did, but you seemed to like it so much, and you made me pancakes this morning so I figured you also didn’t see anything wrong in what I did.” He said then got up and walked over to me as I felt the tears start to drip down my cheeks.

“Hey, come on baby, I need you. You’re the only one like me, get rid of those tears.” He said before pulling my hands out of my face and tugging my chin up to look at him.

“What the fuck did you do to me?” I asked angrily. I knew what he did, I was just too much in denial to admit it.

“It’s okay, baby, I love you. Forgive me, I’ll worship you.” He said and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

“No.” I cried as I tried to back away from him, he gripped my shoulders tightly in response and forced me against his body pushing a kiss onto me.

“No! Leave me alone! I hate you!” I screamed as I tried to get away from him but felt the sting of his hand hit my cheek leaving a red mark on my face.

No not now, I can’t seem weak in front of Alizé.

———————————————————–

“It is a bit of a burden, if it were only academic it’d be great, but instead you’d stuck with remembering experiences as well, some of which that make me as you said 'unstable’ I’d very much like to forget, though I can’t.” I said trying to joke about her rudeness.

“I feel like it’d be rude to say I get what you mean, because what I’ve been through probably isn’t half as bad, but I know the feeling of wanting to forget something so badly.” She replied.

“It’s alright, no one’s suffering is any worse than another’s they’re just different, so I’m not offended and can understand as well that even people with normal memories have some things they’d like to forget.” I said.

I should get back to work on my challenge. We’ll have to present them, so I should write a paper about its help and memorize a speech then present that. ———————————————————– Oh Crabcakes! I completely had forgotten to tell Yanely about the assignment. She had locked herself in her room recently, I assumed she was sick. Walking to her room I opened the door without knocking and invited myself in.

“Hi sicky, I’m here to inform you of our next challenge.” I said as I walked over to her bed and sat down at the foot of it. I had a fairly good immune system so I wasn’t afraid of getting sick.

Yanely didn’t look over to me, or even seem to react to my introduction. “Nick is dead.” she mumbled.

The took me back a bit, I knew her brother had been drafted, but I figured her would be fine. He was a two after all, he should be perfectly supplies with medicine.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I mumbled, I knew how it felt to lose a sibling, so I felt I should have some grand advice to give her, but nothing came to my head.

“I don’t want to stay here. I want to go home.” Yanely said, that would probably be good for her, but there’s a very strong chance she’d regret it, and I should stop her from making choices she’d regret. After all you can grieve in a palace just as easily as her home.

“Yanely, you need to push through this, going home won’t do anything but crush your chances of happiness.” Her happiness with Ashton, she had told me in one of our fights that she loved him, she shouldn’t give that up, she should cling to his support in these times.

Yanely started to tear up, “I can’t. I want to go home. I want to be there when his body is buried. I just can’t do this anymore.” She cried, I wonder if Ashton would let her go, but I wanted to go with her if that was the case. I couldn’t lose anyone else. I needed to make sure Yanely wasn’t going to kill herself.

“How do you know he is dead? He could still be alive.” I asked, I knew that giving false hope was an awful thing to do, but if he was just injured he may not be dead, and some hope might help Yanely recover, at least for awhile.

“They said he took a bullet to the chest and they lost him. How am I supposed to take it?” She spat. Yes, that does sound like he died.

“I don’t know, after my sister died I thought about quitting, just quitting everything, but it was better to push through with everything, it helps you push through the grieving process to try not to change your daily lifestyle.” I said, yes just after I let her die, I tried to quit. Yes accidents happen, my mother drove off the edge of a cliff into the ocean, my sister hit her head and was knocked unconscious, I could have saved her, unbuckled her from the car, and swam her to the sore, but there was so much blood, I was so frightened, I panicked and I let her die. And thus my phobia of swimming in the ocean developed. The sand was my saviour, but the ocean held the blood and the knowledge that I abandoned her.

“I don’t care. I just want to go home and see my family. I want to see my mother.” Her mother? why would she want to see her mother, I thought she was like me and hated her.

“Isn’t your mother an asshole though, wouldn’t you rather stay here with your friends?” I asked.

“She needs support too. I just want to go back. Ashton doesn’t even like me.” Yanely reasoned.

“If he didn’t like you, you wouldn’t be here, and I like you, are my best friend, please don’t go.” I begged now, I knew it was selfish, but if she thought about it, really thought about how her family would respond, she would realize it would be better to stay here.

“What’s here for me? He’s obviously picking Alizé. I can’t take another heartbreak.” I felt a pang of pain in my own heart. No no no no, he wasn’t going to pick her, she was rude and selfish, and thoughtless. He couldn’t, I loved him.

“He might not pick her, and I’m here for you. What friends do you have back home? I know most twos are forced to be friends with dumb socialites and I can’t see you enjoying having to listen to them gossip and chatter while you grieve.” I said, the first part maybe in denial, I didn’t want Alizé to win. I wanted to, I loved him, I wanted him to be mine forever, though I couldn’t say this to Yanely, she loved him too.

“I don’t have any friends there anymore. I don’t think I ever did.” She replied. I used to know that feeling. When all i cared about was my studies. While I didn’t remember Beatrice, when all I had were my classes, the years flying by me in a blur. Every chance at socializing being skipped, I didn’t think I needed it.

“So wouldn’t you want to stay here more than, where there are people to support you?” I said, we were her friends now after all, Yanely, Cillia, Winter, and I.

“No. Yes! I don’t know okay. I want to be with my family, but I almost feel like my mom would turn me out for leaving.” thank God, she’s not certain about leaving now.

“Just stay here, I have medication that can help you feel less, and maybe the selection will be a distraction.” I suggested, I then however noticed the pool of blood developing on her sheet, the blood dripping from her hand. Looking around I wanted to find the source, probably something glass, self harm is only worth it if it cuts.

“I don’t want anything. Please just leave.” yanely asked, though by not she’s was like a toddler, and I was ignoring her. She was grieving she wasn’t in her right mind. She didn’t know what was best for herself. Looking around I saw the source of the cut. The mirror on top of her desk, the corner was broken like she had smashed it with her palm. At least it wasn’t a window, that would have been harder to explain.

“Hold on, I’ll be right back.” I said excusing myself to go to my room. I had packed a small first aid kit with me when I came here, I figured I’d probably hurt myself at sometime while I was here.

Once I walked back into her room I put on spandex gloves to my hands wouldn’t get blood on them. “give me your hand.” I said and held her wrist, I started to remove the bloody shards of mirror from her hand and put it in a small bag.

“I hate you.” She grumbled as I cleaned her wound.

“Thanks, love you too.” I said as I took a cotton ball and dipped it in disinfectant to start to clean her hand.

“I’m not leaving.” She decided as I started to wrap up her hand.

“Good, should we tell your maids that you accidentally threw a book at the mirror of something?” I said thinking of an idea to help shut up questions.

“That might be best. I don’t really want Ashton to know I broke my hand slamming a mirror.” She said which made me smile, at least she still cared about what Ashton thought about her.

“Hey, maybe the mirror deserved it.” I joked dryly.

“It kept staring at me, reminding me I’m not good enough.” she replied, I knew the feeling of not being good enough, no. Not being the best, and being told it.

“You’ll get used to it, I spent about a year never looking at photographs of my sister, I couldn’t stand looking at the one of us who was truly supposed to be destined for greatness. In time the mirror won’t be as taunting.” Yes, I had the memory, but she could create. It’s not those who recite greatness who really are great, it’s the ones who create it, and I was not one of those. She was though, she was imaginative, and inspirational, but she was the one we lost.

I changed my name to remember her. She hadn’t lived long enough for her name to go down in history, but it went down in mine. Originally I was born with the name Gracella Elizabeth Sinclair, after she died I added the B, legally changing my name to Gracebella, after Isabel.

“I have so much bad luck now. How could any man want me like this?” She asked. Ashton seemed to like her broken aspects, I doubt he would mind another crack in her.

“I’m sure some will, and the mirror smashing doesn’t give too much bad luck, once I smashed a mirror and got a free cake a couple hours after.” I said not specifying Ashton as the man, since I’m sure men other than Ashton won’t mind as well.

She laughed, “Because you’re Gracey. You’re sweet and innocent and… I’m not. Nobody besides you and our group likes me. Ashton’s just using me for my ass.” she said. Gosh she had everything all wrong. Her prescription of herself was entirely off the mark.

“Plenty of people like you, you might be a bit more guarded than most, but that doesn’t mean you’re any worse. Once people take the time to know you I’m sure they’d love you, and those who don’t, well, they don’t deserve you anyways. And if you really feel like Ashton’s just using you for your ass talk to him about it.” I explained hoping she would see the positives in her, or at least feel a little better.

“I don’t think he’d understand. He’d think I’m telling him he’s a horrible person and shit.” she paused.

“I hate myself for becoming attached.” she added.

“I’ve talked to him about it before, and communication is the key to a relationship, just be honest about how you feel.” I said, I felt a bit awkward saying that I had talked to him about it, I’m sure she didn’t want to think about the fact that we did the same things with him, just as I didnt. But I didn’t want her to be sad so I did try to give the best advice I could. I wasn’t going to sabotage my friend.

“I want to, but I don’t want to mess up everything.” No wonder Yanely wasn’t happy with her relationship, that’s not how you handle one.

“It won’t mess anything up, besides a relationship where you just act happy and 'normal’ isn’t a relationship, it’s acting. Take your time though, you don’t have to talk to him till you’re ready, I’m sure he’ll understand.” I explained hoping she’d accept my words.

“All we ever do is talk politics or fight or sleep together. What kind of future is that?” She asked.

“Why not try something diffrent, play a board game together, or watch a movie or something?” I asked, she seemed to be in the belief that you needed to have sex for him to love her, and that she was ruining her relationship from it.

But just as you can have sex without love, you can have love without sex. What she seemed to need was a bit more of love without sex, then she’d be happy.

“Strip poker? Already done. Movie? That’s how we did it the first time.” she replied shooting down my ideas.

“Why not something more innocent like you could ask to take a walk outside, talk about his interests like films or soccer?” I suggested.

“I don’t know, Gracey. Where is he anyway? I haven’t seen him in forever.” she complained, oh yeah she had been locked in her room, so she had missed him saying he was going to be busy with work for awhile.

“I think he’s working, at least that gives you time to recover from your brother.” I said trying to help her see the positives of him being gone. She then leaned her head onto my shoulder.

“What’s the project?” She asked changing the subject.

“We have to make a program to help the future of Illéa.” I said, roughly summarizing it. “Oh great.” she sighed, I’m guessing she wasn’t really in the best ‘help fix the country’ mood.

“Maybe you can talk about getting unbreakable mirrors?” I suggested trying to make the conversation at least slightly more lighthearted.

“God knows this country can’t take any more bad luck.” she replied. I would argue against her not everything was bad, but right now everything probably was for her.

“True, and it’d be effective in preventing children from harming themselves.” I said avoiding that fight.

“I tried to kill myself when I was 16.” she replied, a bit random but not totally, and not very surprising either.

“Why?” I asked, I knew Yanely hadn’t had the brightest pasts but I wondered specifically what caused her to want to go out that way.

“I couldn’t do it anymore. I told you about the… sex. I didn’t know there was another way. The first time it was slow, peaceful, and that’s why it didn’t work. The second time… I just wanted to die.” She replied.

“I’m sorry that happened. Suicide never crossed my mind, I never saw it as a choice. My mother raised me to survive not feel after all, but I think if I had allowed myself to feel more I would have tried, maybe succeeded, I hated my life after all, I missed my mother and my sister, I didn’t have any friends, I was just exhausted. But I didn’t see quitting as an option. Anyways, I’m glad you didn’t, you deserve to live.” I said. Yanely had been through so much, she deserved the chance to find happiness, and suicide took that away.

“I was never told not to. Suicide is actually quite common among Twos, but you usually don’t see it because we like our privacy. It’s usually by pills or drowning, something that’ll make you look pretty in a casket. But now I realize it was stupid. I couldn’t do that to my brother, no matter how much I hated my life. I’m glad I’m here now-” she got cut off by her own coughing. “You should leave. I don’t want to get you sick.” she finished.

“I don’t mind, my immune system is pretty good anyways. Lawyers are pretty high up there too, especially criminal justice lawyers. The stress from having to defend a murderer, or send someone innocent to jail, or let someone guilty free, can drive people insane, I happen to be fairly good at ignoring it and shutting off, but I know people who have broken and gone that way from stress, especially if it’s later proven you made a mistake and another person becomes a victim as a result.” I explained. There was one case I had helped with. I was interning under a professor, she had genuinely been fooled by our client. I saw it clear he was a criminal, but she threw herself into a passionate defense for him.

He got off free of charges and innocent. Two weeks later he was arrested, caught red handed shooting an elementary school where his mother taught at. My professor’s body was found, overdosed on Xanax and some alcohol.

“I can imagine. But, oh God,” Yanely said being cut off from needing to vomit. Leaning over I started to rub Yanely’s back knowing that helped with vomiting for the same way it did burping.

“Are you pregnant or something, I think you should go to the infirmary, once you’re done vomiting. You can use me for physical support.” I suggested, the pregnant part being a joke. Yanely waved me off though.

“I’m not pregnant. I’m fine. I’d just rather be alone.” she said.

“Alright then, but if you need me send a maid and I’ll come down here right away.” I said before getting up and walking away. Heading back to my room to go over my notes. ———————————————————– “I have already laid out the foundations of this program and placed them in action. It’d cause a peaceful solution to a lot of unrest that happens between the castes, and overall help Illéa by bringing the people with the right skills to the right jobs.” I said handing out a paper outlining my plans.

“There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people born into the wrong castes, they could have the brains to be a three but be stuck as a six,” Beatrice.

“Or even worse be an eight with the potential to be a two in athletic skills. They program if properly expanded will allow people to explore the opportunity to have a peaceful transition between the castes. The only negative outcome I could think of is that there may be people who fail in their castes and go back to being their previous caste. However the solution for that is simple.” I paused for a moment of breath.

“They either pay back the money, or they go to jail. Most people don’t fail though, seeing from personal experience I have only had one girl drop out. For further measures there can be countless tests done deepening on the caste they plan on moving into to test if they really are a fit for the jobs in that caste or not. Such as for the project I’m already running we have a test over basic writing and reading skills. This test will vary depending on which caste they’d like to go to. Citizens also must be over age fourteen to apply as well, since they will need to be at a time where they will be able to better decide their future, since many people change their minds over what they want between ages…say five to eighteen. There are probably many career goals they want to achieve at that point. But if we lower it down to just fourteen to eighteen, there is a much smaller chance that they will change their mind. Besides there are more than one career per caste, so their future won’t be so set in stone just from a caste transfer, this will allow a much lower chance of people dropping out. In conclusion a program to better support and allow the switching of castes would be a fantastic addition to Illéa because, it would help low income families afford the transfer, give more opportunities to the right people, and allow people who would otherwise never receive schooling or even a chance to learn their true skill, a chance.” I said and held my breath for a moment. It didn’t matter if they agreed with me or not, I’d start the program expansion if I was eliminated and if I stayed Queen. But I was still nervous for their judgments. Besides Ashton was here. It was the first time I had seen him in almost two weeks. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, though that’d be highly inappropriate.

“We can implement this idea by having local centers in each of the provinces. These centers will be easy for all citizens to reach so they will be able to get more information about each of the castes and which caste they may like to switch to, once this happens they will be given an allowance to pay for their education to properly do the work of another caste, if anyone spends this money on anything but their education that will be illegal.” I said starting to pace a bit while I presented. Gosh I needed to fix my pacing habit. It was bad in court too.

“Thank you, that will be all.” The Queen said. God, I could totally hug him right now, he’s so close. But I simply sighed, turned on my heels and left. I’m sure all this built up time waiting to see him will give us some great sex once I see him again.

Once I was in the hall though I saw Holly, she looked so nervous. She was a three though, didn’t most jobs threes had entail public speech?

“waiting to present?” I asked, I had assumed she was nervous about presenting, but maybe she had already gone and was worried about something else.

“Yeah, I’m next. The last one for today it seems.” she said and smiled a bit, but I could tell she didn’t like me. A few of the girls had distanced themselves from me after what Ashton and I like to do was revealed, Holly was one of them. I was very sad to lose Holly too. We had talked a bit in The Women’s Room, before I even had Yanely even we had talked. She helped me come up with the girls night idea and seemed so sweet. I would love to be friends with her, but I suppose I lost that chance when I slept with her future husband.

“I’m sure you’ll be alright, everyone has done well so far, I don’t see why you’d be any different.” I said, though something still could go wrong with hers, but she seemed pretty put together, and normally the people who are more anxious are the ones who either fall flat on their face, or they exceed expectations, and I assumed the latter of Holly.

“That’s kind of you, thanks.” She replied. I then smiled, nodded my head and excused myself. I couldn’t take this anymore I needed to see Ashton, I needed to smell him, to hear his laugh, to see his smile, I needed him. I needed him because I loved him. I wasn’t worried about the crown like most would assume. The mother who loved me, and my father were both activist, I knew lots of smart people as well, I knew what to do. I knew what I could change, and I knew what the people wanted, being Queen never scared me. It was Ashton who scared me more than anything.

I was so afraid, afraid he would be like Jason, afraid he would be abandoning like my father, afraid he would be some other awful thing entirely. But he wasn’t. He is sweet, and funny, and compassionate, and caring, and I love him.

Walking down the hall, my targeted destination not fully decided I looked out the window and saw a sight that made my blood boil. Holly kissing Ashton. Dammit! Why couldn’t I have caught him first after the presentations, why did I say screw appropriate and just hug him in front of his mother. It wasn’t fair, why couldn’t I be more devious and give Yanely bad advice, why couldn’t I just throw away everything to get what my heart wants.

I know the answer, it’s simply because that’s not how I was raised. I was not raised to follow instinct, unless it came to instinct over if someone was guilty. Otherwise I was raised to survive, to be a people pleaser. Being a people pleaser meant not making a scene in front of the Queen, being a people pleaser meant not betraying my friends, since all lies come undone eventually. I wasn’t raised like Holly. As much as I tried to be I wasn’t as trusting to herself as she was. Though I put on a hell of a mask, it wasn’t my nature.

No, I’m not going to mope about this, I’m not going to let myself. Instead, I’ll give into my nature for a night, and be like an animal, I’ll claim him in the best way I know, sex. It’ll be better sex than Yanely’s, I’ll kiss him better than Holly, then in the morning we’ll talk, he’ll think about how in love with me he is as we lay together and the sun rises. I’ll play this game fairly, and just simply be better than the others. Simply be more loved than them. For once I would get love.

I knew he wouldn’t be in his room yet but I didn’t care. I walked up to the third floor and plopped myself down right outside the front of his door. I would wait however long it took, I just needed to see him. I felt a bit like a dog sitting at the door though, which did make my cheeks flush as people walked by, but waiting in his room might seem like I was crossing boundaries, so instead I chose the front of his door.

I hope he comes soon, and I hope the other girls hear more about me, I hope they learn about my past, I hope some stupid magazine finds out about all of my accomplishments, I want them to be afraid of the fact that I would make an excellent Queen. I want them to be an awe of me like I was when Beatrice revealed her talent, I want them to see me as I saw Jessica, someone whos confidence should be admired and feared; and I want them to be afraid of the fact that I know that I love Ashton, and I will take him from them.