GrandmaYay

I live with my grandma who has dementia.

[grandmayay]

GrandmaYay- 7/6/1937 - 6/6/2017

My grandmother passed away this afternoon. My mother and I spent the morning getting her house ready to sell. Then my mom and stepdad went to the nursing home to discuss plans for my gram's hospice care. She passed away while they were there with her. Dementia was awful. Her decline was so fast these past couple of months. I hope that the two and a half years that I cared for her at home helped her in some way. It was difficult, but I hope that she was happy and comfortable at home while I was here with her. And I guess that now I have nothing else to write in this blog. It was about my grandmother and caring for her, and now that is over. But I will leave the blog up as is. If anyone ever has any questions, or just wants to talk with someone else who has been a caregiver for someone with dementia, or just to vent about their own experiences, feel free to send me a message and I will talk with you. Goodbye for now. And goodbye, GrandmaYay. We miss you already.

[grandmayay]

06/04/2017

Went and saw Gram today. She was back in her bed, sleeping the whole time we were there. She was hooked up to oxygen. The nurses said she seemed slightly more responsive than yesterday. They are also trying to keep her hydrated but she is losing her ability to swallow. She actually looked pretty good considering that she just had a stroke. She had a good color to her face. She's also off of antibiotics from the illness she had last week and her fever is gone. She seemed peaceful as she slept. We still talked to her a bit, because you never know what she will hear even though she doesn't seem awake. My mom told her that if she was done fighting then she understands, that she doesn't have to hang on if she is worried about us. We reminded her that we are taking good care of her animals and that we are all ok too. And I told her that if she still felt like fighting that that is ok too and we are here for her for as long as she needs us. It seems that she probably doesn't have much longer now. At least she looks peaceful and comfortable.

[grandmayay]

06/03/2017

We went and saw Gram yesterday. Her eyes were open and she was out of bed, sitting in a recliner in the group room. But she didn't look at us at all, and didn't talk to us. She looked so thin and frail. Her skin was all dry. I'm not even sure she noticed we were there. It was so sad. Today, my mom got a call that my grandmother had a stroke today. They mentioned hospice care. They said they can still manage her care in the nursing home. I'm just really sad right now. We knew this was coming. None of us were ever very close to my grandmother. But it's still sad and hard to see. I just hope that my grandmother won't be in any pain as her condition deteriorates. :(

[grandmayay]

05/30/2017

My gram's fever is gone today and she's been eating a little more. The doctor thinks she will probably get through this. What a relief.

[grandmayay]

05/29/2017

My mom got a call today that my grandmother has a respiratory infection and that the doctor isn't sure if she will pull through. I just came back from spending two hours with her, and two of my sisters rushed to the nursing home to visit with her. Gram was sleeping or mostly sleeping the whole time. She would crack one eye open a little bit occasionally, and she mumbled a little bit at one point. She was holding my mom's hand for a while and still has a really good grip. She also has a bit of a fever. They have started thickening her liquids for her to drink them. I know that's something that they do in the later stages of dementia when people have trouble eating and drinking, so it was sad to know that they are doing this with her now. My daughter picked out a stuffed horse toy to give her. Gram held it by the hoof and seemed to like how soft it is. We aren't sure what is going to happen next, but at least she seemed somewhat at peace today as she rested.

[grandmayay]

05/28/2017

Went to see Gram today. She looks so thin and frail. Her legs (which used to look pretty awesome until quite recently) now look like twigs. It's hard to see. She was really tired today too, but at least she talked to us a little. In other news, her house will be sold soon so we have a dumpster to start cleaning out her house. I feel really bad about having to throw out her stuff, but she won't ever be coming back here, and she isn't missing any of her things. It's still hard to do though.

[grandmayay]

05/14/2017

I saw my grandmother a week ago, and she mostly just talked about goats and dogs but didn't make too much sense. I haven't been to see her this week because my daughter has a cold again. Hopefully I'll be able to go next week. My mom had been trying to visit her nearly every day when she first went, but she realized that Gram doesn't recognize her any more, and sometimes visits get her riled up. So she is still visiting at least once a week, but not as often as before. The nursing home called my mom to update her that my gram had to get a nebulizer treatment. Which is great of them to keep her updated, except that they called her at midnight, when it wasn't any sort of emergency. I think she told them to not call her at weird hours unless it is an emergency. My Gram's brother and his wife finally did come up and visited her last weekend. I didn't get to see them though. All I heard was that Gram didn't recognize them. :(

[grandmayay]

04/20/2017

We all finally got over our colds and went to see my grandmother last Friday (and we are planning on seeing her tomorrow too). This last visit was exciting because we got to bring her dog to visit!

The dog was so excited to see her mom that she squeaked and wagged for about 20 minutes and was just really cute. I wish I could say my grandmother was as excited. She did smile at her dog and pet her a couple of times but quickly lost interest and tried to wander away. I am pretty sure she didn’t even realize that the dog was hers. But it did make her smile at least so we will have to bring the dog by more often.

In other exciting news, my grandmother’s little brother and his wife are coming up this way in two weeks and want to visit her! She asks about her brother sometimes so I am happy about this. I just really hope that she will recognize him when he comes.

[grandmayay]

I had to go back to the doctor on Monday and now I am coming down with a cold so I haven't seen my Gram in a while. :( My mom had a good visit with the lawyer about the financial stuff and the selling of the house, and she got Gram's funeral prepaid so when the time comes, things will be taken care of more easily. My mother has been rushing around trying to accumulate 5 years old my Grandmother's bank statements and things like that. I had to send away for a copy of her birth certificate too. My mom has five huge binders full of Gram stuff. She says she wishes the lawyer had warned us earlier that we would need all of this stuff so that her records would have been easier to acquire and more complete. I don't know about you, but I don't generally keep 5 years of bank statements around. What we have learned is that as soon as a family member is diagnosed with dementia, start saving all of that stuff! You don't know for sure if you will need it all but better safe than sorry!

[grandmayay]

04/02/2017

Great news from the nursing home. They adjusted my grandmother's meds, she isn't agitated as much, isn't violent/combative, wanders less, and she is even occasionally cracking sarcastic jokes! They say they like her a lot now that she has settled down. I am so happy! I have been so worried about her lately so I am glad things are going better for her. I've only been able to visit her once in the past week. My husband got a cold so we couldn't go, then I had a medical procedure which involved a day of fasting and preparation ahead of time, and now my daughter has a cold. But we were able to see her a while yesterday. I am not sure she recognized us, and she wanted to wander and look for invisible dogs, but we did get her to sit down for a few minutes. Also, my pastor said he wanted to go visit her, which is very nice of him. I hope things will continue to go well!

[grandmayay]

03/21/2017

My mom just came from visiting my grandmother, and she was informed that the nursing home might have to kick my grandmother out. Apparently she is agitated all day long, shoves other residents, and even hit one of the workers. They have been trying to adjust her medication so that she won't be so angry/restless/anxious/agitated, but not turn her into a zombie who sleeps all day. (This was supposed to happen at the psych ward at the hospital, but before it could, her insurance company said they wouldn't cover her stay any longer). Anyway, they put her on a new medication today which seemed to help, but it's only been a day. I really hope this helps her. She can't come home, she can't stay at the hospital, and now she might have to leave the nursing home- and we don't know where she will go if that happens. My mom is understandably stressed out, and the rest of us are all worried too. I don't like the idea of her being on so much medicine that she sleeps most of the time, but I like it even less that she is hitting and shoving anyone who crosses her path. :( I hope this all gets straightened out soon. :(

[grandmayay]

03/20/2017

My grandmother has been in the nursing home for 5 days now. Mostly she's been wandering around a lot and keeping them very busy. They are trying to find a good medication that will reduce her anxiety (which makes her wander even more) but not make her sleep all day. I hope they figure it out. We brought her some pictures, her stuffed animals, some warm blankets, and her tv to make her room more comfortable for her. I'm not sure she even realizes, but I still think that somewhere deep inside, she appreciates it. I've gone to see her three times already, and I'm not sure she's noticed me any of those times. Granted, I was there with my mom, my kiddo, and sometimes my husband. We are never sure how she will be when we see her. The first visit, she had hurt her hand trying to take off the weighted belt they put on her to steady her. The second time, she was sleeping the whole time and had to be fed because she was too tired to feed herself. The third time, she was super restless, wandered all around, and sat on my mom. The nursing home is not too bad, considering it wasn't the one we had chosen. She is in a specific dementia wing, so everyone there is going through the same thing. It's fairly quiet there, and it doesn't smell bad like some nursing homes I have been to. And they have a little pet bird on their floor. We also found out that as long as the dog has her current rabies paperwork (she does), we will be able to take her in to visit my Gram! I just hope she will settle in there nicely and maybe even be happy there eventually.

[grandmayay]

03/15/2017

The hospital called my mom on Monday, and they said that Gram’s insurance wouldn’t cover her being in the hospital any longer. They said that she had to go to a nursing home today, even though she wasn’t as stabilized as they wanted her. And the nursing home that we have been on the waiting list for since about Christmas still doesn’t have a space available.

So now she is getting sent to a different nursing home that we haven’t even visited previously to see how it is. And they require us to pay a month up front before she even moves in. It’s $10,000!!

At this rate, she will have gone through the small amount on money she has left in just a few months. :( And the house will be sold or taken by the state to pay for her care.

I know she needs proper care and this is best for her, and proper care costs money, but this is really a lot of money and it’s sad that money that she worked so long to save will be gone so quickly, and the house she had for 35 years, the one that I lived in as an infant, will be gone.

This whole situation is just really sad.

We also just had a blizzard yesterday, but my grandmother doesn’t have a coat or shoes with her (because her things tend to go missing in the hospital), so I hope the hospital kept her warm enough when they transported her to the nursing home.

My mom is going there tonight to sign some paperwork so hopefully I will hear an update on Gram shortly. I went through her drawers looking for several outfits for her so she will be more comfortable in the nursing home. I also have to find out what else I should bring for her. I know she would love to have pictures of her dogs in her room, and her fuzzy pink blanket.

Hopefully I will get to go see her again on Friday!

UPDATE: She is safely at the nursing home, and has a helper only watching her until she gets settled in. She was a little confused at first but was okay with it. We are going on Saturday to make her room feel more homey. She's allowed to have pets there, so I don't know if we will bring her dog there permanently or just to visit, but either way I am sure she will be thrilled to see her dog.

[grandmayay]

03/09/2017

I went with my mom and my kiddo to see my grandmother at the hospital tonight. She is still too weak to walk and she's in a wheelchair. But she wasn't coughing and her hand bruising is starting to go away, so that's good. She wasn't angry, if anything she seemed happy to see us. She even asked me for a kiss when we left, which is not at all like her. At home, I've started the long process of going through all of her stuff. I cleaned out some stuff in her desk, mostly throwing away junk mail and catalogs. I also found her baby book (and found out her baby nickname was Pudgie 😊), her high school yearbook, some photos, and $3.40 in change. I also found pieces of dog food in there, which was not at all surprising. Going through her stuff is a little sad. It's weird knowing she's still around but won't be coming home again, and I feel bad for going through her things. But it has to be done eventually, so I am doing a little every day.

[grandmayay]

03/06/2017

My mother went to visit my grandmother in the hospital. Apparently she now has a cough and is too unsteady to get up and walk at all. That's a big change from all of the wandering she was doing just a few days ago. She also doesn't seem to recognize any of us any more. My mom also talked to the social worker, who said that once my Gram is a little more stabilized, she can be moved to a nursing home. This is all really sad but it seems like this was the right time to put her in the hospital. Her dog is snuggling with me right now. The dog doesn't seem as sad and lost as last time Gram was in the hospital. I think the dog knows that something is wrong with her.

[grandmayay]

3/5/2017

My grandmother has been at the hospital for a week now. I visited her on Wednesday, and she seemed to be in good spirits. She ate a lot of her dinner, joked around a little bit, and said something about the "school" (nursing home) that she will be going to in the near future. I saw her again on Friday. She was tired in the middle of the afternoon. When we first arrived, she was wandering through the halls and didn't respond when I said hello to her. Once the nurse brought her back to her room, she took her pants off in front of all of us, said there were a bunch of men trying to kill her, and then fell asleep. My mom saw her a few other times as well. Gram was particularly agitated yesterday. The hospital staff said that they couldn't get her to stop wandering around all day long. She wants to go home but she doesn't remember where she lives, who she lives with, or what her house looks like. I imagine she is probably scared because she has no idea what is going on and wants to feel safe. She got bruises on her hands a few days after she was in the hospital that no one seems to know how she got. First she said she got into a fight, and another time she said men were trying to kill her and she had to fight back. Knowing her, she probably hurt herself getting into something she shouldn't have, and she is mentioning bad guys because she used to watch too many crime dramas. I don't think the staff there are doing anything to hurt her intentionally, but I did take pictures of her bruises just in case. You can never be too careful, especially when it's with someone with dementia who can't speak up for themselves! Toward the end of the week, her hands were looking a bit better and the bruise she had on her leg from cutting it here is pretty much gone. Anyway, it is almost certain that she won't be returning home ever again. My family is still living here to keep an eye on the house and take care of the animals until the house has to be sold to pay for my Gram's care. It's been a week since she's been out of the house and although I am still tired, I am feeling more like my old self again!

[dementia-by-day]