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Psychotic Little Drama Gremlin
Every story needs its hero. And its villain. And its monster.― Amie Kaufman, Jay Kristoff, Obsidio I tried not to have any beef with the other woman. It’s so cliche for two women to be at each other’s throats over some man’s bad behavior. All I wanted to be was strangers. Look, I’ve made my own mistakes. There are so many choices I am not proud of. I can’t condemn anyone for their past. I’m not…
Curses & Cures
She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.― Charles Bukowski After I got home from our breakup, to my bed, which would never again be our bed, I remembered how to sleep alone. And with sleep came dreams. At first, the dreams themselves were sweet. It was waking up that hurt. Ojalá que he always has a hangnail that snags briefly, but painfully, on things. Those first few weeks, I…
Such Pretty Red Flags
Don’t let mixed signals fool you. Indecision is a decision.Nitya Prakash I didn’t see it coming, not the breakup, certainly not the cheating or the end of what I believed was going to be a lifelong friendship. I didn’t see it coming, but I probably should have. When he shows up he’s perfect. I had convinced myself that that was all that counted. Our time together was always wonderful. All those…
Not a Lobster
Sometimes, I don’t know what haunts me more. The memories of you… or the happy person I used to be.– Ranata Suzuki I trusted That Man so completely. I told him all of my fears and nightmares. He, in turn, made them all come true as if it were a honey-do list. As thoroughly devastating as his actions have been, I don’t think there was any malice on his part, just carelessness. He didn’t want to…
Not a Lobster
Sometimes, I don’t know what haunts me more. The memories of you… or the happy person I used to be.– Ranata Suzuki I trusted That Man so completely. I told him all of my fears and nightmares. He, in turn, made them all come true as if it were a honey-do list. As thoroughly devastating as his actions have been, I don’t think there was any malice on his part, just carelessness. He didn’t want to…
Such Pretty Red Flags
Don’t let mixed signals fool you. Indecision is a decision.Nitya Prakash I didn’t see it coming, not the breakup, certainly not the cheating or the end of what I believed was going to be a lifelong friendship. I didn’t see it coming, but I probably should have. When he shows up he’s perfect. I had convinced myself that that was all that counted. Our time together was always wonderful. All those…
Curses & Cures
She’s mad, but she’s magic. There’s no lie in her fire.― Charles Bukowski After I got home from our breakup, to my bed, which would never again be our bed, I remembered how to sleep alone. And with sleep came dreams. At first, the dreams themselves were sweet. It was waking up that hurt. Ojalá que he always has a hangnail that snags briefly, but painfully, on things. Those first few weeks, I…
Psychotic Little Drama Gremlin
Every story needs its hero. And its villain. And its monster.― Amie Kaufman, Jay Kristoff, Obsidio I tried not to have any beef with the other woman. It’s so cliche for two women to be at each other’s throats over some man’s bad behavior. All I wanted to be was strangers. Look, I’ve made my own mistakes. There are so many choices I am not proud of. I can’t condemn anyone for their past. I’m not…
I've Lost a Friend
A bosom friend–an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul. I’ve dreamed of meeting her all my life. I never really supposed I would, but so many of my loveliest dreams have come true all at once that perhaps this one will, too. L. M. MontgomeryAnne of Green Gables Writing a hurtful email was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it. I apologized and we…
A Woman Scorned
If it’s what you truly want… I can wear her skin over mine. Her hair over mine. Her hands as gloves. Her teeth as confetti. Her scalp, a cap. Her sternum, my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us. Immortalized… you and your perfect girl.Warsan ShireAnger, adapted for the visual album, Lemonade, by Beyoncé I did it all out of order. First I forgave him, then I got angry,…
Boundary Issues
That was how dishonesty and betrayal started, not in big lies but in small secretsAmy Tan There was an Irishman at our work who used to call everyone “Darlin.” This is not an Irish thing. This is an Irishman used to tending bar in the States, being full-tilt charming for tips until it became a permanent part of his personality thing. It is, in fact, incredibly endearing to be called Darlin’ with…
The Fatal Blow
I tried to make a home out of you, but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing. Unknown women wander the hallways at night. Where do you go when you go quiet? […] The past and the future merge to meet us here. What luck. What a fucking curse.– Warsan ShireIntuition, adapted for the visual album, Lemonade, by Beyoncé That should have been the whole story. It should have ended there,…
So What Happens Now?
There’s no single answer that will solve all our future problems. There’s no magic bullet. Instead there are thousands of answers—at least. You can be one of them if you choose to be.Octavia E. Butler, A Few Rules for Predicting the Future: An Essay I’ve long espoused that in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Ferris is a gender swapped Manic Pixie Dream Girl. MPDGs are never the main characters. The…
Saudade Summer
No llores porque ya se terminó, sonríe porque sucedió.Translation: Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.– probably not Gabriel García Márquez I hate the melodrama of breakups. Why does the end of a relationship feel so much like grieving a death? Why does grieving a death feel so much like dying? Every breakup I’ve ever had has been a gift. This one was no different. I mean,…
Miles From Nowhere
So, even though you have broken my heart yet again, I wanted to say in another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you. – Waymond Wang, Everything, Everywhere, All at Once I had been looking forward to that trip to the desert almost as much as I had been to my trip to Portugal. Then all at once, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I wasn’t expecting to return to the…
The Last Night
The Heart wants what it wants – or else it does not careEmily Dickinson I want to say that I felt small and fragile like a child, but I never felt those things as a child. I had to be broken a few times before I understood how being fragile feels. He was sleeping peacefully next to me. He still looked the same as he had when he was the man who loved me, who had made me feel so safe, protected.…
BDE
So I try to say goodbye, my friendI’d like to leave you with something warmBut never have I been a blue calm seaI have always been a stormFleetwood Mac, Storms My daughter had her first stalker in high school. This seems to be an unfortunate rite of passage for girls. We’re taught to be sweet, to be kind, and to prioritize other people’s comfort over our own. She befriended the loner that…
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