why is it that at 16 I was obsessed with a whole group of American youtubers who were a few years older than me & now, ten years later, I’m obsessed with a group of UK youtubers who are basically the same age as me
I didn’t expect my life to be so full of youtubers if I’m honest
why is it that internet crushes on fictional men is so easy and fun and makes my heart all fuzzy and having irl crushes makes me sweat and overthink and makes me want to rip my heart out
pairing: Xaden Riorson x F!Reader (x Bohdi Durran)
Summary: Part 2 of two is better than one. As a first-year, you can’t decide which cousin you want more…Bodhi or Xaden. They make the decision for you.
When sparring sessions end and you finish your hellish classes on dragon training for the day, the respite that night brings is heavenly.
You spend most of the evening in your bathing chamber, washing. You clear the blood from under your fingernails, soak in the feeling of the warm water running against fresh bruises, and let the tension unknot from your shoulders.
But the one thing you couldn’t cleanse was your mind.
All evening thoughts of Bohdi taunted you. All the things he said on the may replaying like a dream. The way Xaden winked at you. Feeling flustered and not being able to do anything about it.
It was all outright painful.
You had wanted to talk to your best friend about it, her room was next to yours, but somehow you couldn’t pluck up the courage to mention Bodhi’s vulgar words to you. Would she even understand that you felt compelled to Xaden too?
Everybody knew those relic adorned boys were trouble.
It’s late into the night as you lay on top of your bed in your nightgown, tossing this way and that as you read a book about dragon lore, your mind continually drifting.
You’ve read the same sentence at least four times as your mind wanders - the confusion you feel is unbearable, but the desire you feel is even worse.
Sure, there was probably a handsome enough fellow first-year you could seduce into bed, but that’s not what you wanted.
“I’m glad I’ve found someone who appreciates a little bit of danger.”
Nayala is in your head even when you don’t want her to be. You were going to have to work on that.
“And I’m glad I’ve found a dragon who respects my privacy,” you quip back, “oh wait…”
You hear the deep laughter reverberate through the bond.
“I doubt you’ll get much of that tonight, my child.”
Unexplainably, right on cue, there’s a light knocking at your door.
At first you’re not sure what the noise is, but then the sound registers and you grab a dagger from your nightstand.
You’ve heard about people getting surprise attacks during challenges, and with Nayala’s ominous caution, you can’t be too careful.
“You’re safe, I think.” Nayala offers you some not-so assuring comfort.
You lower the dagger to your side but keep a firm grip as you open the door.
It takes a while for your eyes to adjust to the darkness. There’s a figure stood outside, tall and ominous.
They take a step forward into your room, into the shine from your mage light, and your heart jumps to your throat.
Xaden looks menacing during the day, but at night he’s outright deadly.
You take a few steps back.
He’s not in amour or leathers, but a plain black top and black pants that suggest these are his bed clothes. He’s also barefoot.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Xaden?” You don’t care about your tone, you’re utterly confused.
He tuts at you, shaking his head slightly. “Such a rude way to talk to your Section Leader.”
With a flick of his wrist, your door gently closes behind him, and you hear the distinct noise of the latch. Another flick of the wrist comes and you feel a wave of energy you’ve only ever read about - a sound shield.
You raise the dagger you’ve been holding and wonder if this is how you die.
Xaden’s lips tilt up in a smirk. “You can put that down, I’m not going to hurt you.”
You don’t move an inch, heart pumping so fast you can practically hear it. What in the gods names was going on?
The shadow-wielder sighs and takes two steps closer to you, causing you to step back once again and bump into the foot of your bed.
His eyes rake over you, slow and intentional. Yet he has that look of boredom on his face that you can never figure out.
“I would never hurt anyone in such an unfair fight. After all, you’re hardly dressed for the occasion.”
He nods towards you and you suddenly remember the nightgown. Oh, that’s humiliating.
Embarrassment, confusion, and a hint of frustration causes you to put the dagger back on your nightstand. You cross your arms over your chest, trying to ignore how exposed you truly feel.
This whole situation is too bizarre for you to not hear what he has to say, whatever it may be about.
You stand firm where you are, chin raised defiantly against him, “What couldn’t wait till morning?”
Xaden takes his time answering, his eyes trailing every corner of your room as if trying to know you better just from looking at the trinkets you have displayed.
His eyes glance over the book you were reading, before he moves to perch on the edge of your desk, his arm muscles flexing as he places his hands behind him. He looks so leisurely you could almost imagine this was a regular occurrence.
The thought of Xaden regularly being in your room makes your pulse jump even higher.
“Are you gonna tell me what that was earlier?” He asks.
His left eyebrow is coxed up, expectant and judging all at once. His onyx eyes gleam in the dark light of your room.
He’s terrifyingly beautiful, and you have no idea what he’s talking about.
“Is this some sort of test? An exercise I don’t know about?”
Xaden huffs out a laugh and looks to the ceiling to shake his head. It shows his perfect jawline. “What would you like me to test you on, cadet? What test could I possibly give you that would mean being here, now?”
You don’t know what to say. You don’t know why he’s here. Your head’s a mess. Ever since being on the mat with Bodhi you- oh. Bodhi.
Xaden must register your slight shift of expression. He nods once, as if he already knows what you’re going to say.
“This is about Bodhi.”
You shift your stance, tired feet aching from the day, yearning to be in bed. Yet here you were, standing off against Xaden fucking Riorson while he leant against your desk like he belonged there.
“Yes, it is.” Xaden pushes off your desk and turns so his back is towards you. He starts flicking through the books piled there. “Do you want him?”
“What? Why would you think that?”
Xaden’s shoulders shrug. “You tell me.”
His fingers move across the pages, and you’re painfully reminded how every part of him seems designed to be worshipped.
Bodhi is gorgeous, but Xaden is on another level. One that makes him scary, and being around him makes you tense.
“No.”
You barely say the word when Xaden slams the book shut. He spins on his heels and gives you a look that makes you want to wither away on the spot.
“Please don’t lie to me.” There’s something in his tone that feels like ice. His gaze is penetrating and you don’t know whether to run or fall into those pools of onyx. “I saw you both on the mat earlier.”
“Okay.” Your arms unwind themselves from across your chest and you find yourself digging your nails into your palms. “Maybe.”
You bite out the confession because you don’t know what else to do.
He’s locked the door with magic, thrown a sound shield up so no one can hear you, and he’s standing in front of you with a hardened authority.
It’s your room but somehow Xaden is in complete control.
He takes another step towards you and your heels tip backwards as if you’re going to fall onto the bed. With impressive speed, an arm is wrapped around you and you latch onto Xaden so you don’t stumble backwards.
Your face is in his chest and he speaks over your head. “I’ve got you.”
His arm is wrapped around your waist with his hand on the small of your back. Your own hand has found one of his large, strong biceps.
“Why Bodhi?”
You try to push away from him, to look up at him at least. But he’s got you here, perhaps right where he wants you.
And in truth, it’s easier to answer him when those gorgeous eyes aren’t staring into your soul.
Even with your heart in your mouth, even with your pulse jumping, even with the uneven pace of your breath. You answer.
“Everything about him is perfect. Like the way his biceps flex when he’s training.”
Xaden flexes the bicep your holding, and you can’t help the rush of feeling that travels straight to your core.
“His eyes, his hair, how everything he does is just brilliant and beautiful.” You keep talking, because you’re losing yourself in Xaden’s scent, and while he’s holding you the world doesn’t feel real.
None of this feels real, as if what you’re saying doesn’t exist outside of his grip.
“His abs.”
Xaden’s other hand finds yours, and he pushes your hand under the fabric of his shirt, finding his abs. You can feel the muscle there, feel the warm and smooth skin.
You want to melt.
“Xaden, please.”
He pulls back then, only slightly. He makes a small, frustrated noise.
He unwraps himself from you and lets your hands drop away from his body. But you’re still toe to toe, and you look up at him.
You feel your face flush. “I’m sorry.”
Although you’re not sure what you’re apologising for. For talking this way about his cousin? For touching him inappropriately, even if he caused it? For feeling a burning hot ball of yearning deep inside of you?
You manage to meet his gaze, and once again you can’t read his expression.
There’s a hardness there, but with no ice this time. It’s something more, like determination. Like a predator hunting its prey.
“How long have you wanted him?”
One hand comes up to caress your cheek, and he swipes a thumb over the soft skin there.
Everything feels like electric.
“I’m not sure.” You feel like you can’t breathe. “Nearly as long as I’ve wanted you.”
Xaden seizes the opportunity before you can regret what you’ve said. He scoops you up into his arms and places you on the bed, pushing your book onto the floor, all the while taking you into a breath-taking kiss.
He’s suddenly on top of you, in the same way Bodhi was on the mat, kissing you with a dizzying passion.
And you let him.
You let him grope and kiss and squeeze and lick.
You let him grind as his cock pushes against you, thin fabric doing a terrible job at holding him back.
You let him pull off the nightgown as you fumble for his shirt, unsuccessfully.
“Lay back.” His eyes are full of fire. “I’ve got it.”
And so you do as you’re told, suddenly naked below him as he yanks off his shirt with one arm and kicks off pants that springs free his painfully hard dick.
You swear, because you’ve never seen something so gorgeous. Or so big.
He’s drinking you in too, and swipes one finger between already slick folds, taking it into his mouth just to taste you.
You were gone from the moment you saw him, soaked and craving him, but the sight of Xaden like this drives you wild.
“Please.” You moan.
A wicked smirk spreads across his face, “Since you asked so nicely, cadet.”
He lines up to your entrance and sighs, “I’ve been imagining what this would be like.”
Xaden pushes into you then, and you gasp. He’s slow and gentle, and it’s nothing like you thought he’d be.
His eyes close as he slides all the way inside you and you grab onto him as he stretches you out. He begins to pick up the pace bit by bit, and every time a wave of pleasure rolls through you.
You always knew Xaden would know how to fuck, but his dick is far better than you could have ever imagined. And the sight of him on top of you? It’s enough to get you fuck-drunk, quick.
Soon you’re squirming underneath him as he hits the right spot again and again.
“Xaden.” His name slips out of your mouth, barely a whisper, and he stills.
You open hazy eyes to see him motionless above you. His jaw flexes as his hips fight to move. “Don’t call me that.”
“What?” You’re not sure if you heard him right, and with his cock still deep inside of you, it’s hard to concentrate.
His eyes are alive with something you’ve never seen before, and you can tell he’s focusing on staying still. “If you want me to keep going, you’re going to have to pretend.”
You involuntarily clench around him as he sits inside of you, and he tightly grasps one hand around your forearm.
“Pretend what?” Your voice shakes.
Xaden dips down to press a deep kiss to your swollen lips, and your tongue meets his for a second before he pulls away again. “Pretend I’m him.”
He continues then, ploughing into you with a pace and depth that drives you crazy.
But it’s his words that send you over the edge, because in the midst of complete ecstasy and pleasure, you know exactly what he means.
“Bodhi.” You moan, locking eyes with Xaden, and he moans for the first time - deep and gutteral.
“Good girl.” He sighs into you, as if he’s finally enjoying himself too.
And you wonder what kind of person wants to be called by their cousin’s name during sex. You wonder what type of person Xaden is to want to be his cousin so badly. To be softer, to be gentle, to be loved. To not carry around the weight of who he is, and what he is.
To see this glimpse of Xaden, to see the expression on his face as he fucks you, pressing kisses to any skin he can latch onto, opens up a floodgate of need inside of you. You want him.
You wrap your legs around his torso and pull him impossibly closer. The tip of his cock meets your cervix. “Bodhi!”
The shriek fills the room and suddenly you understand the sound shield. Fucking asshole knew what he was doing.
You yell out Bodhi’s name again and again as Xaden drills into you.
“Fuck, those screams. So fucking sexy.” His voice is strained and gravelly, and you know neither of you are going to last like this much longer.
Your bodies are pressed so tightly together you don’t know where Xaden ends and you start. His grip on you is firm and you’re sure that you’ll have extra bruises by morning but you don’t care.
You moan out Bodhi’s name like a prayer, filling Xaden’s ears with your sweet moans and yelps, alternating every time he switches up the pace to make you last that little bit longer.
Bodhi. Bodhi. Bodhi.
When you close your eyes you can imagine him on top of you, just like he was on the sparring mat.
And for a split second you don’t know who’s inside of you. You’re so blissed out, so fucking dumb from the pleasure, that you don’t care.
Then a hand wraps around your throat and your eyes shoot open to find piercing black hair and eyes. Xaden.
His name becomes a silent prayer in your head as he stares down at you. It’s so intense it almost feels like he’s in your head, seeing right through your thoughts.
“You ready gorgeous? Let me hear those screams.”
He chokes you out as you give your body to him completely. He’s fast and hard and thick and powerful and you can’t tell when your eyes are open or closed because shadows have started to fill the room.
They caress you and hold you and soon you’re sure your screams are too loud for the sound shield.
“Bodhi- fuck. Please! Bodhi, I’m gonna-.”
You go limp as Xaden releases deep within you with a shuddering moan, but you’re too busy reeling from your own high to take too much notice.
Wave after wave hits you and you’re not sure which way is up and what air is yours, or what’s his.
You’re both panting like you’ve finished the Gauntlet. And Xaden collapses above you, his forehead coming down to press against yours, and the shadows beginning to ebb.
“You’re really something.” He sighs, slowly moving himself away from you. As he removes himself, the absence is of him is upsetting, and you already crave more.
“I could say the same about you.” Your words are a whisper - voice ruined and shaky.
Xaden stands from the bed, grabbing his clothes and pulling them back on. He stands by your chest of drawers and opens one at random, producing a towel as if he had known that was where they lived.
He was making a habit of acting as though he belonged here with you.
“Here, so you can clean yourself up.” Xaden passes you the towel, and as your haze begins to clear you feel absolutely dumbfounded at the whole situation.
There was absolutely no way you were going to explain this to your best friend. Or Nayala.
“I hope I’ve warmed you up enough.” Xaden says as he starts walking towards your door.
“For what?” You ask, and Xaden stops mid-stride.
He turns to look at you over his shoulder, a shit-eating grin on his face like he’s finally letting you in on a secret, “For Bodhi, he’s been waiting for his turn.”
And when Xaden opens the door, his cousin is there. Bodhi is dressed similarly, and he steps into the room as Xaden leaves.
The two boys exchange a look, smug and knowing and your mind simply can’t keep up.
“Make sure the sound shield holds,” Xaden says, “she’s a screamer.”
Bodhi stares hungrily at your naked, already fucked out body, and you know that it won’t be the Challenges or a dragon that will kill you, but these boys will be the death of you.
Pairing: Bodhi Durran x F!Reader (x Xaden Riorson)
Summary: As a first-year, you can’t decide which cousin you want more…Bodhi or Xaden. A practice challenge on the sparring mat makes your decision for you.
Warnings/tags: no actual porn (that’s for part 2 teehee), but heavy on the horny, flirting, eye-fucking, just smutty goodness. With plot too.
Word Count: 2K
A/N: you can find part 2 here, which I promise will not disappoint if this leaves you wanting more!
___
Making it through Parapet had been easy in comparison to actually being a cadet in the Rider’s Quadrant.
All you had worried about before Conscription Day was making it across that death-trap, but you had survived. Miraculously. And the aftermath?
Even more terrifying.
You had joined Fourth Wing, and had been placed into Tail Section which was lead by Xaden Riorson.
In a short space of time you’d made friends, sure, but you had also made enemies too.
You had survived the first of the challenges, Gauntlet and Presentation Day. You had not only survived Threshing, but had bonded to a dragon that had changed your world forever. Nayala. A dangerous, yet gorgeous green swordtail.
And now it's mid January - you’ve been a cadet for six months and it has taken every piece of your energy and strength to keep going.
Today is the third day of sparring training before the challenges continue, and your body is aching to its bones.
This is going to be the death of me, you think to yourself for the millionth time as you wait to be paired for your second match.
The first had been against a second-year girl from your section, one who wasn’t exactly friendly with you, or anybody, and had a particularly violent streak.
Despite it only being a training session, she had tried to break your wrist and had failed. You’d managed to make her tap out after fifteen minutes of struggle.
“Do not die today.” The voice of your dragon floods through your bond and you almost jump. You weren’t used to that yet. “That would be most inconvenient to me.”
“Noted.” You reply, slowly learning that your old and grouchy dragon preferred her rider to be less whiny.
You absentmindedly flex your wrists as you watch the other matches.
There are other first-years on the mat right now, some of them paired with second-years who dance circles around the newcomers. There’s a patch of blood on one mat and you watch someone from Claw Flame limp towards the door.
And the mat in front of you holds a display like no other.
Tail Section first-year Bodhi, with his cousin and your Section Leader Xaden, are sparring... shirtless.
They’re not even in a match, they’re just doing it to pass time before their next session is called, punching at each other for fun. The unbelievable stamina on those men.
Practically all the girls who aren’t currently sparring are watching them with hungry eyes, dry throats, and terribly inappropriate thoughts.
Yourself included.
You watch as they strike and dodge in tandem, sweat glistening off their bodies in a way that makes their rebellion relics shimmer.
They’re both drop-dead gorgeous, and you wonder what the heck is in their genes.
Bodhi is unbelievably good at everything, and has come away unscathed by practically every challenge and every hurdle thrown at him so far this year.
His beauty is infuriating. You'll never know how someone could be that gorgeous and deadly at the same time.
But then there’s Xaden.
On a whole new level, the second-year is damn terrifying.
He’s handsome, strong, sarcastic, intelligent, and most definitely chiselled by the gods. He’s everything Bodhi is, but darker.
His eyes are onyx, his hair is a shade blacker than his cousin’s, his face is more brooding, and his personality is just as lethal as the shadows you’ve seen him wield.
As they fight together on the mat you can’t decide which one you’re attracted to the most.
“Have both.” Nayala’s voice is anything but teasing.
This isn’t the first time she’s made comments on your love life, and you wonder if you’ve bonded the only dragon interested in the sex lives of twenty-something year olds. “Human lives are terribly short, why just have one?”
You start to reply but she butts in again - “War Games start soon. It would be a shame if you died without getting a taste.”
“Please, respectfully, be quiet. I wouldn’t get a taste of either of them unless they handed me their dicks on a plate. I need to concentrate.”
You wonder if she’ll retaliate, ask you what exactly you’re concentrating on, or tell you to stop being so vulgar. Instead, you basically feel her dramatic eye-roll through the bond.
Xaden and Bodhi finish play-sparring with each other as Professor Emetterio calls out the next matches.
He reels off a few names before calling out the last pairing.
Bodhi, and you.
“Fuck.” You mutter under your breath as you look at him on the mat.
His eyes find yours and he rakes over your body, no doubt assessing you for weaknesses.
You try to keep your back straight and your chin up. This would be hard work.
“Good luck.” Your best friend beside you whispers and you give a small smile.
Zihnal, don’t fail me now.
Xaden clears off the mat in front of you and a small gathering edges their way to the mat.
You shake out your body and watch as Bodhi rolls his neck.
Gods, he’s not even going to put his shirt back on.
“Okay cadets,” Emetterio yells, “keep it hand-to-hand for now. Keep it clean. Fight!”
You half expect Bodhi to lunge straight for you, but he doesn’t. Instead he inches his way towards you with fists raised, and you both end up slowly circling each other.
He’s obviously strong, well-trained, and probably knows how to kill you in ways you haven’t even thought of.
But everyone has a weakness. You just have to figure out his.
You breathe in fully, and prepare to work harder than any other match before. Even if it’s just a training session, you want to prove to yourself that you can do it. That you can get in at least a few punches.
“Come on then.” Bodhi goads with a beautiful smirk. “Let me see what you’ve-”
You don’t let him finish.
Instead, you push towards him, landing a punch to his rib before spinning and getting behind him. You kick out the back of his knee and send Bodhi stumbling.
He spins, eyes alight with amusement. “Playing dirty. I like it.”
There’s a shit-eating grin on his face, as if he didn’t even feel your hits.
And then he goes for you.
The next few minutes are spent frantically trying to dodge his blows, and doing so unsuccessfully. He nearly pushes you to the edge of the mat twice.
Once, you catch eye contact with Xaden as you fight to stay on the mat, your toes inches from slipping off and touching his boots. He winks.
You have to pivot harshly to get yourself back in the middle of the mat.
There’s a moment of to-and-fro, a moment where you think you might have the upper hand with your speed, when he lands a foot to the stomach and sends you reeling.
You suck in air as the pair of you come back into a lull, both waiting to strike, “Fuck, you’re good.”
He laughs, the act making his hard abs shake. “Of course I am. Have you met my family?”
Bodhi’s cockiness earns a huffed laugh from Xaden, and he glances his cousin’s way.
There.
That’s the weakness you’re looking for.
You go back to circling each other with slow, intentional steps.
Bodhi is glistening with his shirt off, and the curls around his forehead are damp. His eyes seem to drink in every slight movement of your body.
And you can’t wait to wipe that smug smirk from his lips.
“I have met your family. And although you look like Xaden, and you fight like him, you’re not him.”
For a split second his weight shifts to rock on his heels, as if your words have caught him off guard.
You seize the opportunity.
Feigning a punch to his left, Bodhi follows your movement, and you duck right under his swinging arm and pivot on your heels, sending one of your legs out with all your force to sweep him off his feet.
You move again as he tips and crashes onto his back. You waste no time in straddling him, squeezing your thighs against his side as you scramble to pin his hands down.
If you can’t push him off the mat, he’s going to have to tap out.
Bodhi’s eyes are wild beneath you as your limbs are a tangle for domination.
“Xaden is strong like a rock.” You bite out, “But you’re weak.”
The wild look in his eyes grows and he practically looks feral. A ripped laugh escapes his lips, and with a surge of force he gains control.
He flips the two of you over and your back finds the mat with a hard thud.
Bodhi is now over you, his body in between your legs and one, strong forearm trapping one of your arms across your front. His other hand pins your other arm. You squirm beneath him, frantically trying to break free.
“Did you just call me weak? You think I’m soft?” He says through gritted teeth.
Curls dangle in front of those wild eyes and sweat from his brow drips onto your face.
Bodhi brings his face unbearably close to yours as your bodies fight to breathe the same, hot air.
He lowers his voice, “Around you I’m anything but soft.”
He proves his point by pinning down your squirming body with the pressure of his hips, and you’re met with a hard bulge between your thighs.
Holy fucking Amari.
Your mind goes blank and you can’t do anything but stare up at Bodhi, your breathing wrecked and your heart racing.
He presses harder, and you still beneath him, your breath hitching as he pushes himself against you.
Even through both of your leathers he feels big.
“Now who’s weak?” He asks, his tongue darting out lick his bottom lip. “You better tap out or people are gonna get suspicious that you like my weight on top of you.”
Bodhi’s words force you out of your shock and you try to wiggle free, but it only makes the friction worse, like the more you move the harder he pushes.
You manage to free your arm from his grip, and you use all your strength to push him, but any luck you had before is gone.
“Fuck you.” You breathe out, and he moves then, bringing his now free hand to curl around your neck.
He squeezes gently with his fingertips - not crushing your windpipe or choking you, but slowly restricting your oxygen.
The sensation, combined with the pressure between your legs, leaves your mind reeling.
“Is that what you want?” Bodhi whispers, “do you want me to fuck you?”
His dark eyes search your face, his shirtless torso pressing into you. You can hear people yelling at you to tap out and you half-heartedly keep trying to push him away.
“Yes.” Your mind feels numb for a split second and the word tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop it.
Bodhi grins wide then and springs off from you, leaving you to collapse into the mat, gaining your oxygen back.
You stare up at the ceiling trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.
Bodhi looks down at you with a hunger, “I yield.”
He disappears from your line of view, and when you finally stand up it’s like everyone has already forgotten about your match.
It’s so loud in there you realise no one would’ve been able to hear you, and there’s so much commotion from the different matches that your inappropriate position didn’t seem to bat an eyelid.
But that doesn’t stop your heart pounding and your core feeling like molten lava.
Seriously what just fucking happened?!
“I think he handed you his appendage on a plate.” Nayala answers, a mix of humour and pride in her voice.
You don’t bother to respond.
And when you look around the room your eyes finally land on Xaden.
He’s still stood at the corner of the mat, watching you with his arms crossed and his eyes bored.
Xaden glances to where Bodhi’s stood then back at you. He raises an eyebrow at you, and the corner of his mouth quirks up before turning away.
guys I'm crashing out, I told myself I wouldn't write any more fics but then I saw Jordan Li in that slutty let's read tee and suddenly I can't think about anything else
omfg I've been on tumblr 11 years. shout out to 15 year old me for making an account i guess? very grateful for all the love I've received over the years for my fics <3
i finally caught up on gen v season 2 and I swear I'm the only one who absolutely loves Jordan's hair when they're a dude... like derek luh is the only man that could pull that fuckass bob off
