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Women that are book influencers and only read YA (Young Adult) actively promote the continuous efforts of infantilizing women. In this essay I will…

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“I wish magic was real”

Newsflash *magic is real*, we harnessed energy that can kill us and made it light up our houses.

We all have goddamn crystal balls in our pockets, we spend most of the day staring into it and it slowly eats away our souls.

Shit, even *necromancy is real*. What’s powering your car? That’s right corpses from millions of years ago. They’re also pretty fucking angry about it since they literally poison the air we breathe.

Don’t even get me started on evil wizards in ivory towers, that’s literally everybody in Silicon Valley.

So yeah magic is real and so is the price we’re paying for it.

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Silco would have loved that Sevika ended up being a councilor for Zaun. She was literally his second in command.

I’ve seen some posts saying that he would hate the ending. Nah. A free city is one thing, but we all know my man loved a high seat.

That motherfuckers corpse is doing happy cartwheels in that water.

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Karlach: That’s a cute top you got there…

Halsin: Ehm, I’m not wearing…

Astarion: Thank you darling! I know I’m beautiful but a little reminder never hurts.

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Astarion: I like your new pants!

Halsin: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Astarion: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Halsin: Oh I didn’t expect you to participate in free clothing exchanges! I always assumed you succumbed to capitalist beauty ideas and only buy designer.

Astarion: I don’t even know what to say…

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Anybody else has a little brain worm telling them to ship Astarion with Geralt?

No?

Just me?

Alright I’ll see myself out.

But please…

Just think of all the ✨sass✨ !!

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Astarion: So what’s your type darling?

Halsin: Morally grey divas with sticky fingers, good hair and less brain wrinkles than most people.

Astarion: Eugh, well now I know it cannot be me. If I find out my brain has wrinkles, I’ll step into the sun.

Halsin: You don’t have to worry about that, not at all…

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Come read my disgustingly sweet Halstarion first kiss fic!

Maybe it’s the first time somebody is holding you like this, without the intention to go too far. How scary must that be, my heart, to place your trust upon me like this.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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Astarion (bathing in a lake naked with only his legs in): This is way too fucking cold.

Halsin (emerging from the water like that one hippo in Madagascar)

Astarion (sitting down rapidly)

Halsin: Now don’t take this wrong please, but isn’t the water too cold for your undead body?

Astarion (under his breath while glancing down): Apparently it’s not fucking cold enough for this god forsaken body.

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*Tav and Astarion returning to camp looking crispy AF*

Gale: Let me guess, you didn’t listen to the librarian.

Tav: …

Gale: I hope you learned a lesson!

Tav: Reading books makes you explosive.

Gale: I mean, in a way that is exactly what happened to me.

Astarion holding the Necromancy of Thay at an arms length: I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS IF YOU EXPLODE IN MY FACE…

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"Oak father forgive me. I am falling in love with the texture of his face..."

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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Halsin: If you tried I bet you could wildshape and maybe you would be able to walk in the sun again. I could teach you.

Astarion: I thought about it, but then I realized that there’s a very high possibility that I’d turn into an albino vampire bat and my ego simply wouldn’t be able to take that.

Halsin: Understandable, have a nice day.

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Literally posting from the lab listening to War Pigs for the 10000 time.