Lalala... @greenishyellowish - Tumblr Blog

the second you

I think that I understand it now. Why I still doubts you. Why the things you do are not 100%. There's something that you couldn't let go. A someone actually. I don't know what happened or how serious it is but u do know that it takes up a major part of your heart. Which is why that even though I could feel something from you, but it isn't 100% genuine. You're not ready yet for me. You couldn't let it go. And I don't know if I'll wait for you. I don't know if I can wait for you. Please, if you want to have me, do something. Commit and let the past go. I guess that the reason you still can't let it go after 2 years is because I'm not the right one for you.

#the second you

The second you

I think I've learned a lot of things today. I have been thinking since you stopped replying me yesterday while i was watching Chucky with Jiahui. I even slept at her place. It was a precious moment for me, both a comfortable kind of moment and also an unforgettable one. Unforgettable not because it was a good one, unforgettable because of what you did to me; or actually, what you didn't do. You ignored me; and not for the first time. It was since that moment that i began contemplating, rethinking and doubting everything between us. I had to clear up my mind of this 'relationship concept" between us and see us un new, different light. This is the second time. It was slower compared to the first time. I was cautious. But the end result was the same. This same feeling like the first time. Only this time, it's mixed with feelings of disappointment- in both myself and you- anger and also a greater sadness than before; minus the anxiety and nervousness mostly because I am tired. Tired of expecting too much, tired of thinking too much, tired of evaluating what my existence means to you. The way it started was weird. I initiated it. I made the first move- out of spite. It started with a crush; a cute, giddy kinda feeling crush. The purest form of joy and happiness from just seeing someone from a distance. THINGS TOOK A DIFFERENT TURN FROM THIS MOMENT ONWARD BECAUSE HE IS JUST THAT STUPID AND FOOLISH AND NAIVE OMG. HE HAS BEEN SLEEPING UNTIL NOW. But that didn't change the fact that he ignored me. he posted videos and moments in social media. There's just no escaping it. This was supposed to be a very long rant but "he' happened and interrupted my train of thoughts so....

#the second you

What a mess of a world we're in when we always have to remind ourselves that we're perfect in our own ways when we are actually flawed with imperfections. Why can't we just accept that we're imperfect?

I thought that by starting over at someplace new, everything would change. That I can be the person that I want to be. But I was wrong. New friends,new surroundings. Different people, different customs, different norms. You need to learn their slang, their sense of humour, the way they love and the way they talk just to fit it. And it's tiring. Not having a clue on what person they're talking about. No idea of what incident that they are talking about. Always feeling left out because you have no idea about what they're talking because those memories were created before your presence. You can only talk about the here and now but when they talk about something that happened before you were there, you would be left clueless of what they're talking about. I long for someone that I can call home. I want to love and I want to be loved. To establish contact, to be able to be myself with him. No longer feeling like an outsider. Isolated, excluded, ignored. I'm waiting for you to appear. I hope that you're worth the wait. Please come to me. I'm hurting.

#me

If you don't feel like doing something, then don't do it. If you don't feel like talking, don't. If you don't find a joke funny, you don't have to take a laugh. If you don't feel like going somewhere, don't. If you aren't up to dovanything, don't. Don't be a people pleaser. Be yourself, no matter how difficult it is. Learn to say no and let others learn how to handle you.

#quote #me #just a piece of my mind #wish I could do it #be yourself