The Useless Blathering of an INFP

None of this will solve the world's problems, but I think about it nonetheless.

[greenleer]

I love receiving messages from strangers that were intended for other people. Today I received an email from Alex Greenlee. Apparently, he meant to email his mother about a bed.

I've never met Alex.  However, after receiving his initial email, I was immediately able to infer two points of fact about him:  First, Alex's mother has a bed that needs to be unloaded.  Second, Alex does not know his mother's email address. Our conversation (up to this point) looks like this.

[greenleer]

On INFP Clichés

Nothing says "I'm an INFP" like starting a blog about being an INFP.

[greenleer]

On The Goonies, Racism, and Blueberry Coffee

I was wearing my Goonies t-shirt this morning when I walked to 7-11 for a blueberry coffee. The woman behind the counter saw me, and said "Never say die!" I chuckled, and she asked me if I watch The Walking Dead. I explained how my girlfriend and I power-watch entire seasons in a single sitting. Then she said something really bizarre. "You know the guy who played Data in The Goonies is the same guy who plays Glen in The Walking Dead."

At first, I just assumed she was really bad at math and estimating ages. My initial suspicions seemed plausible considering that, despite that a person needs to only be 18 to buy cigarettes, they will ask for identification if you look younger than 30. I can only assume the management in charge of establishing this policy has a history as a carnival midway hustler. If 7-11 has entrusted their employees to determine whether or not a person appears to be 30, then clearly, they should be able to determine if that person is 18. But I digress.

I said to her "How old do you think Glen is on that show?" She said "I don't know, maybe around 25-ish." Then I told her, "You realize that The Goonies is almost 30 years old." To which she replied "Yeah, but Asians age well." I told her that I had never considered that, and said "You know, now that you think of it, I think he might have played Sulu on Star Trek too." She looked at me strangely and said "That's racist."

I never laughed so hard in my life.

[greenleer]

On Passive Aggression

My dryer is an asshole. It buzzes to let me know my clothes have finished the drying cycle. I appreciate that. However, if I don't immediately come running, it very passive aggressively continues to sound another buzzing alarm. Hey, asshole, I get it. I'll be there when I'm done with this taxidermy project. But aside from the general impatience, the biggest insult is that when I finally make my way down to the dryer, the clothes are still damp. So, like I said, my dryer is an asshole.

[greenleer]

A Change of Scenery

I'm not a "prepper". I don't have a bug out bag. I haven't considered the myriad of potential cataclysmic events that would necessitate a SHTF plan. However, the idea of chucking it all, and buying 10 acres in a remote corner of the country is becoming increasingly appealing. If good fences make good neighbors, then a 467-foot buffer of undeveloped and inhospitable terrain makes even better neighbors.

Ideally, I'd like to find a parcel of land that is owner-financed, and accented by an active volcano, or a menacing-looking tower that houses the soul of the of the chief lieutenant of the first Dark Lord, Morgoth. I'm convinced this would cut down on solicitations to join the neighborhood watch, and annoying knocks at the door for cups of sugar. Sadly, landwatch.com does not seem to have any listings in Mordor.

[greenleer]

ROBOTS OR DINOSAURS?

Robot dinosaurs.

[greenleer]

Sorry, It's Sold Out

A while back, I went to see True Grit at the Chase Park Plaza with my girlfriend.  We were waiting in line, and some girl on her cell phone invited two other dudes to cut in front of us.  I let them know I thought that was kind of bullshit, but didn't make a big deal out of it.  So they get to the ticket counter, and the following is a near verbatim conversation they had with the box office agent:

 Guy 1: Hi, we need 2 for Black Swan.

Box Office: For the 9:00 or the 7:10?

Guy 2: 7:10.

Box Office:  Sorry, that show is sold out.

Cell Phone Girl:  No, we already have their seats saved.

Box Office:  Oh, did you buy tickets online?

Cell Phone Girl: No.

Box Office:  Well, the show is sold out.

Cell Phone Girl:  Yeah, I just didn't know they were going to be this late.  But it's ok, we already have their seats saved.

Box Office:  How do you have their seats saved if they don't have tickets?

Cell Phone Girl:  I mean, nobody has come down and told us they already had those seats.

Box Office:  All of the available tickets for the show have been sold.  There are no more tickets available.

Cell Phone Girl:  Right, but nobody has come and tried to claim those seats.

Box Office:  I'm not sure what you mean.  There's no assigned seating. People could be in line for popcorn or in the bathroom.  But eventually, someone who has paid for a ticket is going to be entitled to the seats you're currently saving.

Cell Phone Girl:  Ok, well can we just get them tickets for the back or something?

Box Office:  Again, there are no more seats available for this show.  It is sold out.  If they don't have a ticket yet, they're not going to be able to get in.

Cell Phone Girl:  So it's sold out?

Box Office: Was I not clear about that?

Cell Phone Girl:  So what are our options?

Box Office:  You can see the 7:10 show without them, or you can all go to the 9:00 show.

Cell Phone Girl: (to the guys)  Well, she's saying it's sold out.

Box Office:  It is sold out.

Cell Phone Girl and her two buddies finally get out of line and it's our turn to buy tickets.

Box Office:  Can I help you.

Me: (loud enough for Cell Phone Girl to hear me) Two for Black Swan, please.

I was pretty sure that Cell Phone Girl hadn't heard my girlfriend ask for tickets to True Grit.  My plan was to make Cell Phone Girl think that we had successfully gotten tickets to Black Swan, thereby causing Cell Phone Girl to lose her shit right there in the Chase Park Plaza.  In my head it played out beautifully.  She would yell "hey, how did they get tickets" and I would respond "we had someone saving our seats".  Unfortunately, my ruse was unsuccessful.  My girlfriend hit me, and told me to stop being an asshole.  Cell Phone Girl gave me a dirty look, and I laughed my ass off.

After the show, as we walking out, I noticed that the 9:10 show had also sold out.  I can only hope that Cell Phone Girl was unable to get tickets again.

As a side note, when did ASICS oust Saucony as the official "hipster" shoe?

[greenleer]

Montana is Attempting to Corner The Market On Crazy

For your reading pleasure, here are some of the major pieces of legislation that have been put forward by the Tea Party Republicans who are now in control of the legislature.  These are real bills, and they are currently taking priority in the Montana legislature.

To read the full text of each of these bills, you can look them up at the Montana State Legislature Page.

http://laws.leg.mt.gov/laws11/law0203w$.startup

Enjoy.

1.  Legalize hunting with hand-thrown spear (Senate Bill 112)

2.  Create fully-armed militia in every town (House Bill 278)

3.  Allow legislators to carry weapons in the Capitol (Senate Bill 279)

4.  Create an 11 person panel with authority to nullify all federal laws (House Bill 382)

5   Allow guns in schools (House Bill 558)

6.  Eliminate educational requirements for persons seeking job of State Superintendent of Schools (HB 154)

7.  Lift nuclear ban for purpose of building a nuclear reactor in the Flathead Valley (House Bill 326)

8.  Withdraw the United States of America from the United Nations (Senate Joint Resolution 2)

9.  Eliminate all state incentives for developing wind power (House Bill 244)

10. Omit Barak Obama’s name from the 2012, ballot because his father was born outside of America (House Bill 205)(this guy was on CNN this week)

11. Compulsory marriage counseling for people seeking a divorce (House Bill 438)

12. Give sheriffs authority over the federal government in terror investigations (Senate Bill 114)

13. Legalize hunting with silencers (House Bill 174)

14. Lift the prohibition on carrying concealed weapons in bars, churches and banks (House Bill 384)

15. Eliminate law that requires landlords to install carbon monoxide detectors (House Bill 354)

16. Require the federal government to prove in court that the National Parks were lawfully aquired. (House Bill 506)

17. Officially designate the “Code of the West” as the “Code of Montana” (Senate Bill 216)

18.  Declare that global warming is good. (House Bill 549)

[greenleer]

My overtly sanctimonious attitude about music patronage

Several years ago, I was a part of a small minority of people who thought it was pretty uncool to burn CDs for friends and download pirated music. This was long before iTunes, back when having a CD burner in your computer was pretty rare.  I got flamed on discussion forums and entered into futile debates on a fairly regular basis. I simply didn't think it was cool. Sure it was illegal, but the ins and outs of intellectual property rights never factored into my decision.  I never bought into the hyperbolic theft analogies.  I don't think that downloading music is like stealing a car.  It's more like walking into a bakery, farting on all the cupcakes, and then giving the finger to the baker.  At any rate, downloading music or burning CD for friends never sat right with me.

 So now that you've listened to this self-indulgent backstory, lamenting music piracy, I'm going to say something that might shock you. Based on the traditional free-market concept of supply and demand, it's completely ridiculous to think that digitally recorded and distributed music has any market value as a commodity.  Forget it.  It doesn't exist.  It's nonsensical to argue otherwise.  So how do we value music?  In a word: Sentimentally.  But I don't mean this in a derogatory sense.  Sentimental value is quite powerful and carries tremendous weight.  I pay for music because I like it.  It has personal value to me.  So I pay for music as a demonstration of patronage because I respect the artist and appreciate the effort they make for my personal enjoyment.

 Consider your average local band.  They're most likely broke.  There's a popular cop-out amongst lazy, self-absorbed scenesters that "it's all about getting the music out there, not making money".  Ignoring the romanticized bohemian aesthetic, I agree with this to some extent.  I think musicians should be focused on making great music, not money.  But just because it's not about making money, doesn't mean that these thigns don't cost money.  In short, when we talk about "supporting" local music, we're not just talking about a pat on the back, or liking their Facebook page, we're also talking about money.  I know it sounds crass, but just like everything else, making records costs money.  Expecting the musicians to cover these costs without your support is selfish at best, and contributes to the eventual demise of the band at worst.

Long before publishing rights became a viable business model, the arts were funded throughpatronage.  This model makes far more sense. Digital distribution has reduced music to a vapor commodity with absolutely no market value. Supply is infinite, so demand is irrelevant. Anyone trying to sell music as though it were Twinkies or car tires is abjectly fucked.  If your music is online, people are getting it for free.  It's a reality that most musicians already accept as a fact. A patronage system bypasses this concept.  Instead of making heavy speculative investments in production costs, and then completely slitting your own wrists by trying to market it online, it's far smarter to crowd-source your funding with help from people who are genuinely interested in seeing your projects succeed.  At the very least, the artists are able to gauge the level of public interest in their art.  And now we have Kickstarter, a system that models itself after the pledge drive concept, where bands can raise money to cover recording, pressing and distribution costs from people who are interested in the bands music.  I know people have criticized this process as simply begging for money.  However, it's been my experience that the people who don't like the Kickstarter program are usually the same people asking "is there a free digital download version somewhere?"

 In a perfect world, all my favorite small and unknown bands would be able to quit their day jobs and just be musicians. They wouldn't have to worry about schlepping coffee or booze to pay the bills.  They wouldn't have to worry about cancelling their tours because the drummer couldn't get time off from Kinkos.  They could just be musicians...as their job.  I'm not talking about rockstars living in some sort of Malibu luxury home.  Just your average working Joe who happens to be a musician as his job.  When musicians spend their time, effort and money creating a great record for you, it's pretty fucking crass to demonstrate your appreciation by asking for a handouts.

[greenleer]

Sometimes You Eat the Bear, But Mostly the Bear Just Eats Elderberries

I spent some time thinking about the old cliche regarding the dietary exchange rates between people and bears, and decided to do some research.

 God, I love Wikipedia!  The greatest thing about Wikipedia, is that when you do a Google search for "how many people get eaten by bears each year", the top search result is a Wikipedia entry entitled "List of Fatal Bear Attacks in North America".  The information is surprisingly organized and detailed.

 According to the Wikipedia entry, since the year 2000, there have been 31 fatal bear attacks.  It's worth noting that among these fatalities was Tim Treadwell; a self-aggrandizing, moronic fuckmook claiming to be a bear conservationalist, who's efforts amounted to little more than poking bears in the face with a stick to see what would happen. Here's what happens:  you get eaten by a bear.  So really, there are only 30 that should count.

The ironic part about these fatal bear attacks is that the story generally ends with the bear being killed.  For the most part, this usually happens from a helicopter.  Apparently people love to exact their revenge on bears from helicopters. Although occasionally the bear is shot and beaten to death by a throng of angry villagers.  This actually happened when Anton Bear (seriously, that's his last name) was attacked, and mostly eaten, by a grizzly bear in July 1992.  So really the saying should go "Sometimes you eat the bear.  But even if the bear eats you, don't worry, we'll shoot it from a helicopter."

 I know when we hear about bears eating people, it can be a bit nerve racking. But all of these attacks happen in areas where signs like this get posted.  I particularly enjoy the disclaimer about how there's "no guarantee for your safety".  So it seems a bit unfair that we feel compelled to hunt down and kill bears for something as inane as, you know, being a bear.  It's not like these bears are walking around neighborhoods, cleverly posing as Jehovas Witnesses, and luring people out their homes only to eat them on their front porch.  Ironically, that pretty much sums up what we do to bears.

 Holy shit, bear hunting is crazy popular!  For the 2010 bear season in Oregon alone, over 32,000 hunters applied for bear hunting permits, resulting in over 1,200 successfully "harvested" bears. This is the functional equivelant of roughly 32,000 bears hiding outside a Starbucks in downtown Portland or on the UO campus in Eugene, and smacking the pretentious macchiatos out of the hands of about 1,200 hapless schmucks, and then field dressing them in the alley.

 I don't want to give the impression that I'm anti-hunting.  I'm not.  In fact, of all the types of hunting in America, bear hunting seems to be the most fair.  For example, if you shoot at a deer or an antalope and miss, barring some sort of sudden, massive pituitary gland disorder, you're most likely going to survive the encounter.  But if you shoot at a bear and miss, you're probably going to get eaten...and rightly so.  No, I'm not opposed to bear hunting.  However, I am opposed to this cliched statement about bears and people eating each other at a rate that seems to imply balance.  I'm pretty bad at math, but 1,200 bears in a single year (mind you, this is just Oregon) seems like a lot more than 30 people in 11 years.

 Without mincing words, we're eating the shit out of bears!

[greenleer]

I'm A Shitty Neighbor (But I'm Alright With That)

Earlier this evening, I came home from Taco Bell to find some dude in the parking lot trying to stuff a couch into the back of a U-Haul by himself.  Try as I might, I was unable to get from my car to the front door without having to make eye contact.  Our conversation went like this:

 -Hey, man.  Do you think you could give me a hand?

-Oh...uh, I'm...ya know...with the tacos.

-Just real quick.  All I need you to do is lift the back end while I push from the front.

-Are you fucking kidding me?

-What?  No, it will take 2 minutes.

-I don't care if it takes 2 seconds.  This is exactlly how Buffalo Bill managed to abduct that lady?

-Buffalo Bill?  You mean the cowboy?

-No, not the cowboy.  The guy in Silence of the Lambs.

-You mean the guy who ate people?

-Seriously?  No, that was Hannibal Lecter.  Buffalo Bill was that dude from Monk who tucked his junk behind his legs and then danced around to Goodbye Horses.

-Ohhhh...right.  It puts the lotion on its skin.

-Yeah.  So as much as I can appreciate your situation, I have no interest in allowing you to use my flesh as some sort of androgynous costume accessory.

-I have no idea what you just said.  But for real, Dude, that movie was fucked up.

-No kidding, right?  That shit gave me nightmares.

-Did you ever see that movie The 5th Sense?

-The 6th Sense?

-Yeah, yeah...with Bruce Willis.  Man, that was fucking crazy how it turns out he's dead and it's just that, like, the kid can see him and shit.

-Yeah, that was a good movie.

-M. Night Shyamalan.  That's my boy.

-Yeah, The 6th Sense was good.  But I think he started using that surprise ending at all costs schtick as a crutch.

-Right, right.  Like at the end of The Village where they were, like, living in a zoo or something.  That guy's a genius. 

-He's alright.

-I love all his movies.

-Seriously?  Even Lady in the Water?

-What?  Nah, I didn't see that one.  I bet it's off the hook, though.  Right?

-Sure.

-So are you going to help me with this couch or what?

-What?  No.  I thought we already established that.

-So you're just sitting here talking to me about movies for nothing?

-Yeah, I guess.  I should really go inside.  My tacos are getting cold.

-For real?

-It puts the lotion on its skin.

-Man, fuck you.

  the end.

[greenleer]

The Blue Pill Conundrum

Last night I had a dream that Morpheus broke into my apartment, and attempted to free my mind from The Matrix.  Our conversation went like this:

 -Hello, Ryan.

-Did I forget to lock my door?

-Have you ever had a dream, Ryan, that you were so sure was real?

-Are you in a German techno band or something?

-What you don't realize is that this world -- everything you experience -- is a fictional reality.

-Right.

-You're a slave to a highly sophiticated system that exists in your mind known as The Matrix.

-That is fucked up.

-I've come to offer you a way out of that slavery.

-Dude, you're like Abraham Lincoln!

-I'm going to offer you a choice.  You take the blue pill - you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

-Wait.  So if I take this red pill, I'm offered a way out of this false reality, and enter into a higher status of conciousness, free from mind-controlled slavery.  But if I take the blue pill -- what?  My life just goes on as it does every day?

-Exactly.

-Well that's kind of dumb, don't you think?

-I'm sorry?

-Well, like, I get the red pill.  But this blue pill sounds a little pointless.  I don't need to take a blue pill to go back to sleep and then wake up like nothing happened.  I do that every day without pills.  Some days better than others, but still. This blue pill seems a bit functionally useless.

-Perhaps I'm not explaining this correctly.  There are these robots called Scions...

-No, I get it.  It's all about the theatrics of choice.  But why not offer an alternative to the red pill that actually serves some sort of purpose.  You know, like an Advil...or Klonopin.

-You don't understand.  We belive you're the chosen one.

-Yeah, that's cool and all.  But seriously, this blue pill is purely aesthetic, yeah?  I mean, perhaps I am the chosen one.  In which case, fuck yeah, I'm taking the shit out of that red pill so I can learn some kung-fu and crazy bullet-dodging skills.  Or maybe I'm just a dude who enjoys the rainbow of fruit flavor in some Skittles.

-Skittles?

-You could even just offer the red pill as a straight yes or no option, since the blue pill doesn't actually "do" anything in a pharmacological sense.  I mean, really, it's pretty much the same thing.

-What the red pill offers...

-Yeah, enough about the red pill.  I get it.  It's pretty obvious what the red pill does.  But let's say I don't want to take the red pill. Am I somehow obligated to take the blue pill?  What if I don't want to take any of your pills? What if I simply say fuck you and your pills, and then go back to bed?  Would I experience anything different than what the blue pill has to offer?

-Well...uh...I'm not completely...is this apartment 203?

-No.  This is 302.

-Ah, shit.  Sorry.  We're in the wrong apartment.

-No worries.  But seriously.  This blue pill...

-It's just for show -- purely dramatic symbolism.

-I knew it!

  the end.

[greenleer]

Short Bio

Ryan Greenlee was born on a pirate ship and raised by wolves. He left his canine family at the age of 9 and was quoted as saying "I have opposable thumbs, bitches.  I'm outta here!".  In 1936, he invented the can coozie and promptly donated the patent to the public domain.  There is an unconfirmed rumor that Ryan has 2 spleens.  It is also unconfirmed, yet widely speculated, that Ryan himself started this rumor.  In his spare time he enjoys collecting used band-aids and being suspicious of bears.

[greenleer]

Sequal vs. Remake: A Dichotomous Key For Unambitious Writers

Let's face it; writing an original story is hard.  If you're anything like me, you're far too busy updating your YouPorn bookmarks to worry about things like exposition, climax and resolution.  This is where remakes and sequals come in.

However, as a writer, you owe it to yourself to ask these questions before you put your apathy into action:

1. Has this story already been told?

a) Yes - See #2

b) No - Stop immediately.  This is going to be way too much work. 

2. Can I tell this story better than before?

a) Yes - Do a remake.

b) No - See #3

3. Can I [insert goal metric here . "Make shitloads of money", "acquire more Twiter followers", "get mentioned in LA-Foodie.com", etc.] by telling the same story, regardless of quality?

a) Yes - Do a remake.

b) No - See #4

4. Is there any way to continue this story regardless of how much suspension of one's disbelief would be required to facilitate the plausibility of this story's continuance?

a) Yes - Do a sequal.

b) No - Stop immediately.  This is going to be way too much work.

[greenleer]

The Plot of Grimm, Episode 1, Drunkenly Explained to Me By My Friend, Matt

Note:  Assume this entire story is being conveyed to you in a shit hole dive bar, after several beers.

So this dude is hanging out, and his cancer-ridden grandmother shows up, and she's like "Dude, you're a Grimm".  And he's like "What?!"  And she's like "Seriously.  Check it out.  I'm totally going to stab this vampire in the heart with my sword cain." And he freaks out, but she's like "Have you ever noticed you see stuff?"  He's like "Yeah."  She says "Well that shit is real, and we're Grimms.  We fight that stuff.  But don't worry.  Check out my pimp-ass gypsy camper full of potions and shit."  And then she's like "So when I die, you're going to become crazy powerful.  It's sort of like the Highlander.  There can be only one."  So he's all "That's cool."

Then he meets this dude, and the dude's like "Hey you're a Grimm.  Well, I'm a werewolf, and you Grimms killed off all my ancestors.  But it's totally cool because I'm, like, rehabilitated and shit.  All I do is hang out, drink beers, and fix clocks and shit.  I'll totally hang out with you and solve mysteries."

So then this troll...you can't hurt him because he's got that analgesic or something.  So they punch him and he doesn't give a shit.  They like shoot him with guns and shit.  It's fucking awesome.

Seriously dude, you don't have a TV?

[greenleer]

Why Marty McFly will never truly ever be able to go "Home" again

There's been a lot of Back To The Future chatter amongst several of my FBBFFs lately, which got me thinking about the reality of Marty McFly's experience with time travel.  You may have noticed that I'm a bit obsessed with higher order spacial dimensions and the quantum mechanics that govern them.  I'm not going to pretend to understand the math that's used to define them, but I think I understand the basic concepts from a theoretical perspective.  Based on this rudimentary understanding, I'm pretty sure that once Marty went back in time, he was, by influence of observation, continually entering into alternate 4th dimensional spaces that exist simultaneously within alternate 5D space.  Furthermore, I think it's impossible for Marty to ever return to the original 4th dimensional space in which he existed before he started fucking about with time travel.

  To start off, I don't actually believe that the 4th dimension is "time", at least not in the conventional sense.  It was easier for me to conceptualize the 4th dimension when it was explained to me as infinitely adjacent and contiguous "freeze frames" of 3D spaces. When 3D objects move through the 3rd dimension we use time. But this is the same for 4D objects moving through the 4th dimension.  Movement through any spacial dimension requires "time".  So it's improper to assume that 5D objects would require leverage from a lower order dimension to move through their own space.  This is similar to saying that 3D objects require the leverage of 2D space to move about.  It doesn't make sense.  This is why time is relevant.  It's the imposition required for objects to move within their spacial dimensions, and extends relevantly across all higher order spacial dimensions.  So when I refer to time, I'm referring to movement of objects through their spacial dimension, not the 4th dimension specifically.

  So Marty McFly is a 3D object.  His reality is based on his 3D perspective of his particular 3D space within a 4D space.  A 4D object could observe Marty's entire 4th dimensional reality by using time to move around it, just as we can use time to move around 3D space to experience the realities of other 3D objects.  The Delorean artificially mimics the abilities of 4D objects by allowing Marty to move to ajcacent 3D spaces.  The problem is that Marty isn't actually capable of observing these adjacencies the way 4D objects can.  He can only experience a single 3D space at any given time.  The biggest disadvantage that Marty has against actual 4D observation is the ability to compare and contrast multiple 3D spaces within the 4th dimension.  The implications make for great movies, but this is precisely why Mary can never go home again.

  Let's identify Hill Valley, 1985 as a 3D space call 3D30 and Hill Valley, 1955 is 3D1, with continually adjacent 3D spaces in between. When Marty travels to 3D1, he didn't move adjacently, he skipped over several 3D spaces.  Unlike actual 4D objects, who can see these adjacencies, Marty has no way to observe 3D spaces 2 through 29 as he moved from 3D30. Furthermore, the original version of 3D1 did not include Marty.  Marty's existence in 3D1, by default, has corrupted the reality of 3D1, and by function of observation, Marty has moved in a 5th dimensional direction to an alternate 4D space, where it's possible for Marty to have existed in 3D1. Doc Brown explains this concept later in the BTTF2.  But in my opinion, he makes two mistakes. First, he implies their influence on a particular 4D space could have been avoided despite having observed it, or that it doesn't already exist to begin with.  And second, he implies that simply by going back and "fixing" a mistake, they can return to their original 4D space.

  So what has Marty actually done?  Well, instead of actually moving through a single 4th dimensional space, Marty is clumsily behaving like a 5D object. The biggest difference being that when he synthetically moves through 4D space, the influence of his observation creates alternate 4D spaces for his 3D perspective.  A 5th dimensional object has the ability to look at 4D objects and see all 4 dimensions instantaneously, the way we're able to see length and width instantaneously.  In other words, rather than moving through the 4th dimension to see the adjacency of 3D spaces, a 5th dimensional object sees the entirety of a 4th dimensional object without having to utilize time.  A 5th dimensional object is capable of moving through 5th dimension spaces, comprised of adjacent 4D spaces.  This is what Marty is actually doing.  It's literally impossible for Marty to actually enter a 3D space that previously existed without him, without moving to an alternate 4D space for this new 3D space to exist with him.

  In other words, Marty isn't just moving along various points on a line that starts with A and ends with B.  Every time, Marty travels through "time", what he's literally doing is branching off to entirely different 5th dimensional realites.  And it's impossible for him to return to the original 5D reality in which he existed for at least two reasons. First, he's not a true 5D object.  Marty's movement to various 5D spaces is incidentally imposed on him, not a function of his ability to navigate higher order spacial dimensions.  Second, his influence on every 4D space that he enters, permanently influences it.  But in the end, this actually works to Marty's benefit.  So hooray for Marty!

  The End