I know the horrors of child abuse. (My mom once told me I reminded her of Flo from the Progressive commercials.)
Xuebing Du
Not today Justin
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Sweet Seals For You, Always
DEAR READER
YOU ARE THE REASON
Mike Driver

Love Begins

Janaina Medeiros

tannertan36
Three Goblin Art
Jules of Nature
Peter Solarz
trying on a metaphor
Monterey Bay Aquarium
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
🪼
Stranger Things
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@greydelisle
I know the horrors of child abuse. (My mom once told me I reminded her of Flo from the Progressive commercials.)
Snow White is lucky the 7 dwarves didn't have Sharpies.
Gramma saw so many dog strollers in LA that she walked up to a young couple, looked in their stroller and said, "Is that a dog or a baby?"
This place wasn't hard to find.
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I only call extremely resilient, feel-good people who are capable of incredible things "pussies".
"No offense, Mom....but I'll probably end up with a blonde." - My 7 year-old
I was discussing the Malaysian Airlines pilot at work and another actor rolled her eyes and said, "Ugh! Not another show about an airline!"
Cool patchouli oil. Please don't hug me.
I keep trying to tap out the people in Tap Out clothes but they won't leave.
Kiss me! I'm Fire-ish!
(I work the floor at an independently-owned menswear store. The owner, my boss, spends a lot of time at the shop, and tries to keep prices as low as possible to help our city’s large homeless population get good job interview clothes. A clearly homeless man is wandering around the store. The other patrons are giving him looks.)
Customer: “Excuse me, sir?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am?”
Customer: “I think you may want to call security. That… bum over there, he keeps feeling the suits and muttering to himself. I’m just sure he’s planning to steal one.”
Me: “Well, ma’am, I think that’s quite unlikely.”
Customer: “Oh, come on, you know how they are! I mean, I’d keep an eye on him even if he wasn’t homeless!”
(The homeless man in question happens to be Hispanic.)
Me: “We don’t discriminate here, ma’am.”
Customer: “Well, I’m sure the owner would want to hear about this!”
(I give in and call him over. The customer explains her concerns. As a black man, my boss isn’t happy with her racism, but agrees to talk to the homeless man.)
Owner: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding what you need?”
Homeless Man: “Well, not really. I’m hoping for something versatile in a dark or navy wool, but most of the options in my size are cut American style instead of European, which fits me a little better. Not to mention they’re all pinstriped, which I really don’t have the build for, you know?”
Owner: “I… yes, I understand. I think we may have some options over here, if you’ll follow me. How did you know all that?”
Homeless Man: “Back before I lost my job, I used to be really into this stuff. I’m not looking for anything fancy, just something I can use to look good for a job interview later today.”
(My boss helps him find something he likes, and comes to the counter with him. The suit is priced at $87.)
Homeless Man: *digging in his pockets* “Hang on, I think I’ve got enough.”
Owner: *to me* “Take my card. I’m buying it for him.” *to the homeless man* “Here. The suit’s yours, on one condition. After your interview today, you come back and apply for a job here too. Got it?”
Homeless Man: “I… oh my God, thank you. Thank you so much.”
(Two years later, that formerly-homeless man is my manager, and has a little girl with his new wife—the owner’s sister.)
The infinite patience of dogs.
I like to mop the grease off my pizza with a napkin and then wring it out into my mouth.
If a tree falls in the forest, can we stay at a hotel?