Haikyuu Roleplay... Stuff

English//Lit//Para/Multi-Para//

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Yummy.

[Trigger Warning, eating disorder]

(also this is very old so it might be really really bad)

Kenma got home and slammed the door, when he figured no one was home, he allowed his breathing to become louder, he took off his coat, jacket and shirt, kicking off his shoes, he went to the fridge as tears formed in his eyes and a few began to fall, he grabbed some pie, ice cream, muffins, soda and dark chocolate, taking it all upstairs and putting it on the bathroom floor, he closed the door and locked it, sitting by the toilet and forcing himself to eat, he wasn't hungry at all so after one bite he already felt sick, he curled up and started to cry as he ate, people’s words buzzing in his brain

 “ you're so skinny” “ oh i'm sorry, you have such a feminine figure” “see you should eat more, this is why you're so skinny” “ why don't you eat something”

he could even feel their fingers jabbing into his stomach “ so skinny…” next thing he knew he was hovering over the toilet, looking down at the disgusting crap he just puked up, he flushed the toilet and continued to eat, it hurt to be sick with no liquid in his stomach, he started to chug the soda, almost choking on it as he gagged again, spilling it down his front, he covered his mouth, trying to force it down, he gagged again, soda spurted out the gaps in his fingers and he moved his hand quickly as he puked into the toilet again, panting hard

“ you've got to be hungry” “ you need to eat” “why wont you just eat something” “ i made that for you you little shit now you better fucking eat it!!”

he groaned a little at the last one, the sound of his mom's voice echoing in his ears, he shoved a muffin in his mouth, gross brown-ish puke dripped from his chin onto his chest, his mind was a haze, when he ran out of food and soda he got up, not bothering to wipe himself off he got up and looked at himself in the mirror, the sight of himself made him gag a little, his throat was burning,  “ YOU SKINNY LITTLE PRICK!!!” he screamed, tears flowing from his eyes, he had food all around his mouth from where he just stuffed his face, he could still taste all the flavours congealed in his mouth, in a fit of madness he cracked a smile and unlocked the door, running downstairs and grabbing more ice cream, yoghurts, cola, they had no other drinks so he just grabbed the milk and a bag of crisps, taking it all back up to the bathroom and locking the door again, he dumped everything in the sink and watched himself stuff his face, using his hand to scoop the yogurt out and stuff it in his face, watching it drip down and run down his torso

“ i just want you to eat” “your medicine wont work if you don't eat” “ just eat something? For me?” “please just eat…”

he laughed through his tears and licked the yogurt off his hand, going for the crisps next, giving the ice cream time to soften up, he used the same hand to shovel crisps into his mouth, crumbs getting stuck to his face and getting everywhere, the conflicting tastes and textures made him gag but he forced himself to keep it down, finishing the crisps and downing a load of milk, managing to keep it down a little longer as he grabbed the spoon from the other pot of ice cream and shoveled more into his mouth, watching his sad, pained expression as he did so, he could see the sad, worried or even angry faces of people as their words rang in his ears, it was so loud in his ears he was getting a headache, he gagged again, covering his mouth with both hands, not letting himself be sick until milk spurted at the mirror through his nose, he turned and puked violently into the toilet, starting to feel dizzy, he downed the whole bottle of cola that was dripping a little with milk and downed the rest of the milk,  he was sick one last time before passing out on the floor, surrounded by rubbish and covered in food and his own sick.

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Heartbreak Cafe.

The cafe was unusually lifeless today due to the storm passing over head. There was still the quiet conversations drifting around with the occasional clinking of cutlery on plates or of cups on saucers. One omnipresent sound that seemed to echo through the whole building was the muffled crashing of sheets of rain against the building, sometimes accompanied by the aggressive growling of thunder which made the whole building feel frighteningly fragile. On a day like today it was so quiet that the second floor was almost entirely empty.

However, there was one person there, a regular, curled up in a burgundy leather chair by the window, holding his coffee close to him. The brown haired male was watching the lifeless streets being bombarded with with thick sheets of rain, the occasional car shooting down the road, the slash of the tires on the wet road tore through the consistent rumbled of rain sending water shooing up behind them. A brightly coloured umbrella ran from a shop across the street over to the cafe and Oikawa turned to check none of the workers were in the room, He loved all of the workers there, constantly tipping generously and bringing extra plates to the counter as he was on his way out and the workers had come to love him too; they always knew what he would order and there various spots he would sit; they saw him on good days and bad days but today he didn't want any of them to see him like this, he was a complete wreck.

Tears were running down his cheeks along with the raindrops on the window and he was trying to hold back any sounds that might indicate that he was crying, he didn't want to- no he was too embarrassed to tall anyone that his first crush and first boyfriend had left him. Just thinking about it hurt him deep in his chest. What hurt the most was how nice Hajime had been about it, he hadn't been rude or harsh, there was no drama or arguments, he had actually been very articulate about why he felt like it was the best for the both of them and had been incredibly kind about it, he knew that Hajime had truly loved him.

Tooru looked down in painful silence at his phone which was switched off beside his saucer and put his coffee mug down. He knew that if he was inactive for too long then people would figure something was up, the last thing he wanted was for people to go after Iwaizumi for leaving him. He took a deep breath and turned on his phone...

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Hot Summer Night.

It was a sweltering summer night. The empty city streets were bathed in the rich orange glow of the old street lamps. The punishing sun had killed every small patch of greenery that dotted the sidewalk, leaving behind scorched yellow remains crawling out of the cracks. almost all the windows were wide open, attracting moths and other night time insects to come and flutter in the muted glow beaming through each one, the city had not experienced such a heatwave in a long time and it seemed to be hitting the community hard

Akaashi was making his way home alone, lost in thought. He had been spending time with Bokuto all afternoon since bokuto had been complaining about being lonely and according to him everyone else was busy, he knew that it was not true but he understood why he wanted to see him so badly, Bokuto had finished his exams and was already on summer break, whereas Akaashi had to stay in school until the end of the academic year and so he had been spending all of his time revising for his end of year exams and had not been able to spend any time with Bokuto, they had texted on a couple of occasions but usually after revising Akaashi had gone straight to bed since balancing everything would only exhaust him if he did not. While they had been together, a question that had harassed him for a long line in the past had come up once again, a question that no matter how long he thought about it never had an answer. and the more the question surfaced in his mind, the more he felt the need for an answer.

For a long time he had managed to convince himself that Bokuto's feelings for him were purely platonic, in a best friend way like with Kuroo because while he knew that bokuto did not have many boundaries when it came to expressing his affection he did have different ways of interacting with people based on how much he liked them. for example he was a lot rougher with Kuroo than with other people that he considered to be his friends, playing pranks on him and arguing with him because he felt that Kuroo knew him well enough and wouldnt take it the wrong way like some people had in the past however he treated Keiji very differently as he would constantly ask him for approval even though he was younger and was no where near the ace position which Bokuto valued so highly, most of the time when he had his mood swings he would usually push Keiji away as if he didnt deserve him and he listened to Keiji a lot more and while he didnt have any problems with that it did strike him as odd, as bokuto wasnt one to treat his friends differently. Akaashi knew, however,  that if he were to address his suspicions it could very easily end in embarrassment and that there were a couple of girls in Bokuto’s year that, dispite barely knowing anything of his personality, were all over him, and now that they were all out of school they would probably attempt to ask him out or get closer to him, and anyway, he didnt even know if Bokuto was gay and honestly, he wasnt sure if he himself was gay, and while his parents were in no way homophobic, there were no gay people in his family and the thought of coming out or, coming home with a boyfriend made him a little nervous. He had always tried to suppress anything more than feelings of friendship for people as he knew that at their age relationships would never last and he hoped that these feelings would pass just as quickly as they had arisen. Almost walking past his own house, Akaashi snapped out of his train of thought and walked quickly inside, the familiar smell of home hit him, overwhelming his senses and relaxing him, he took a second before putting his shoes to the side and wandering into the kitchen for a cold drink, checking  his phone as he did so...   

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Bath.

[trigger warning- implicit rape and self harm]

Kenma came home very late, he used his spare key to get in and quietly closed the door, assuming keiji was asleep, he limped up the stairs and shuffled into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, he slowly stripped and looked down in disgust  at the mess of cum in his boxers, he shuddered and hugged himself, going over to the bath, taking a look at himself in the mirror, tears were streaming from his puffy red eyes and he just looked like an emotional wreck, he even caught a glimpse of pain in his eyes. Wait.. is that? oh god... There was a love bite on his neck. He frowned deeply as more tears flowed from his eyes, he  let out a quiet sob, beginning to run a quick, cold bath, getting in before it was even fully run and started cleaning himself up, his ass still hurt like hell and was bleeding like a bitch. His head was pounding, a little dizzy from the panic attack he had on the way home as he caught people staring. he grabbed the soap and a clean sponge and started cleaning his genitals and ass, scrubbing with the rough side of the sponge until the skin became red raw, until he noticed spots of blood start to appear "oh shit.." he whispered, knowing it was going to become a friction burn or something he quickly washed it all off, wondering where keiji left his wound treatment stuff for his cuts. He still felt so dirty, he scrubbed the rest of his body as he filled the rest of the tub, laying back and letting out a soft gasp as the icy cold  water hit his skin, instantly getting  goosebumps. He started massaging his scalp and running his fingers through his hair before reaching for his shampoo After washing his hair with his favourite strawberry shampoo he noticed that he was aching, and had been since it finally ended,  he needed keiji, he needed his warm, protective embrace, he still felt like the absolute scum of the earth, he would never be able to go outside again, ever, what if someone recognised him?? he knew everyone had heard him moan on that bus, it was eating him alive inside He couldn't sit here anymore, listening to his own thoughts. he got out and pulled the plug, grabbing a towel and drying off his hair, not bothering to brush it, he then wrapped himself up in the towel and picked up his clothes, taking them downstairs and putting them in the wash before going up to the bedroom, praying keiji was asleep, still limping slightly, the love bite prominent on his neck.

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Cutting.

[Trigger warning, self harm]

13%... It's been charging for three hours and it started on 15%. Kenma let out a long sigh as he stalked all his "friends" on his catfish account, well they are his friends, he loves them and... They say they love him too... But after a couple days the texts would stop and they wouldn't speak again but ken never forgot about them, he read their posts, he saw the best friend tags with his name nowhere to be seen, he knew he couldn't be mad at them, he couldn't expect to be at the front of their minds 24/7.

But it hurt, he knew they had so many people in their lives, all of them far better than him with bonds far stronger, he felt horrible for even feeling jealous, he pulled his duvet up a little , the cold seeping in, chilling him to the bone, his head was starting to gently throb and his eyes ached from where his mum had left the light on, he closed his eyes tight, giving them a hard rub as he put his phone down and sat up, he felt the cold air sink it's teeth into his back, a shiver shot down his spine, he flung the duvet off, the downy hair on his skinny legs standing on end, goosebumps rising up under his skin.

Stumbling as he got out of bed, he made his way to the bathroom, giving himself a dead stare in the mirror, his eyes were red from crying but the dark circles around his eyes were still visible and he was skinny as ever, he grabbed a hairband and shoved his hair into a shitty pig tail before reaching into the cup that held the toothbrushes and toothpaste, working his fingers to the bottom and pulling out a large shard of broken phone screen, he quickly disinfected it in some detol and rinsed it off, taking his clothes off and sitting down in the bath

. He wanted to cry as he looked down at his disgustingly skinny body, it was so pale and fragile, made his job easier, he fiddled with the shard as he slowly felt his emotions fill him up, his arms tensed hard, the last part of his sanity trying to resist his whole arm tensed, his hand shaking violently, and then him mind went numb and his hand broke free, dragging the shard through his soft, tender skin, ripping through it , his heart seemed to tense and rise up in his chest, his stomach tightened his body was rejecting it, his mind revelling in it, warm tears began to trail down his face...

After one cut came another and another, deep cuts running down his legs and across his ankles, when he ran out of room on one limb he would move to the next, he didn't know when he started but he found himself hyperventilating as he went from his legs to his arms, taking quick, sharp breaths of the harsh, cold air, it burned his throat and made his head go light, he couldn't tell if it was the cuts or the breathing but he started to feel faint, slashing up both of his arms, he took one hard swipe at his wrist and everything went black....

Everything went black.

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Cold November

It's was late November and everyone was wrapped up in 3 or more layers of clothing to stay warm in the blistering cold, everyone except Kenma. Kenma was wearing his pajamas and an oversized jacket with no shoes and nothing else to keep him warm, he just didn't have the time. Today had been horrible, his mum had been mad at him ever since he got out of bed, eventually after many drinks things got messy, very messy. Ken was shivering, his body aching and painful as he power walked down to the shop. He was panting hard from the mad dash to get out of the house, wishing he had at least put some shoes on. His feet, hands and face were bright red and burning in the cold. His feet were stinging from the rough ground but he pushed on, it wasn't that much further to  get to the shops. Once ken reached the shop he sat on the floor and pulled his knees up to his chest, he brought his hood down a little more and kept his eyes down so no one would see his face, not wanting anyone to recognise him. He looked like a child to most passers by, a few people asked him if he was lost or if he wanted help, he just shook his head, his body slowly going numb from the cold.