was it possible that the same magic that had brought them here - that had stripped salazar of all his magic - had also managed to wipe this one memory from godric’s mind. somehow both a blessing and a curse to not remember that fateful evening, salazar frowned, exhaling. he could let godric live on blissfully without truly knowing what had happened, but it wasn’t fair to either of them. “you told me to leave,” he answered softly, feeling himself dragged back to that moment, despite his best intentions of putting it all behind him. or at least, repressing it so that it wasn’t something that haunted him day after day. salazar closed his eyes, shaking his head, feeling the cold rain and the icy look that godric had given him as if it were yesterday. “we had fought. i mean, we had fought before, but it was nothing like that. we were talking one evening, and you thought i’d said something horrible. it was a misunderstanding, but we argued. and it just kept getting worse and worse. i wasn’t sure what to do anymore. so i told you i was going to leave unless you wanted me to stay,” salazar pointed out, running a hand over his face. the one thing that this new reality had brought him was just more and more reminders about how what he said had ruined everything. between his relationships with godric and his friendships with helga and rowena - not to mention the death and destruction that had happened in his name - it overwhelming. “but you told me to leave, godric. so i did.”
the emotions that were coming back to the surface were dizzying, all of the hurt and sadness flooding back to the surface despite his best intentions to not think about that moment. salazar swallowed hard, trying not to lose his composure. and then - don’t leave me. please. pressing his lips together, the words hit him square in the chest, threatening to knock the breath right out of him. salazar realized that in every reality, in every life that he lived, he didn’t deserve someone who was as kind or as loving as godric was. and now more than ever, he didn’t deserve someone to speak to him like that. like he mattered. like he wasn’t a bad person. he reached forward and grabbed onto godric, fingers holding on tightly to his jacket - as if at any moment, this could be ripped away from him. “don’t let me go,” he answered. “i’ve lost everything, godric. my magic, my reputation - don’t make me have to lose you. i don’t know if i can survive that again.” it was instinctive, his hands reaching forward and taking godric’s face in his hands. a moment passed, before he kissed him. as if through that, he could say everything that he couldn’t find the words for.
For once, Godric listened. It wasn’t him just looking at him, pretending to listen when really his mind was somewhere else. He could almost remember it all as he spoke. The cold sensation of the raindrops falling on his skin, the pain, but how he had been trying not to let it show. And the words that had broken him, shattered him down into pieces. The ones he had said himself out of anger, almost betrayal. Please, leave. Letting his eyes shut as his mind went over it, he was hoping for it all to stop. For it all to go, for himself not to start remembering any part of it. Not what had happened then, nor even after. People asking him where he was, and him answering he was just gone, with this cold and icy voice when images of himself crying down in their chamber of secrets still came back, because he missed him, because his scent was gone and it wouldn’t ever come back. Because like everything else, he had fucked it all up, but this. This whole thing and Salazar, it had been the single best thing in his life, and he knew he would never get better.
He felt him grabbing onto him and it was when he opened back his eyes. To face him, the one he had lost without even remembering how, without remembering why, and still it was as painful as if he did. Because his mind blocked it out, but his heart remembered. “Don’t go.” He murmured again, as he moved his hands on Salazar’s for half a second, as he listened to his words. He didn’t really know what made this all so painful, but so satisfying at the same time. He was in the arms of the man he loved, able to touch him, kiss him and talk to him, which he hadn’t been able for the last few months, which was the best part of it all. But he still had this fear of losing him, again apparently. “I’m not letting you go. Not ever.” It was a simple answer to everything he had said, and the contact of his lips against his made Godric’s eyes flutter shut. The warmth, softness of the contact was what he had missed the most, and all the love that he could feel just with it. He left seconds pass before he broke the contact himself, pulling away just for a few inches, placing his hands in his lover’s neck, without opening back his eyes. “I love you.” He only murmured. He loved him, it was all he needed to say, every time, every day, maybe every seconds if he could. And it was the reason why he would never let him go. He loved him.
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