There is nothing wrong with having all these sorts of feelings within us.
After all, if it's there, you cannot unfeel it.
In that sense, all our feelings are valid.
So it's ok to feel the way we're feeling.
But
not all feelings are right. They are valid, but some should not be acted upon.
Some feelings come from a place of entitlement, inappropriate desires, or vile intentions. But no one would really know what we really feel inside unless we share them. They're personal, and no person can dictate another to feel in a certain way.
It's ok to feel negative, even evil. So long as they stay as feelings.
Because when you act on these valid yet "wrong" feelings,
you are ruining relationships,
you are destroying homes,
you are squashing dreams and hopes,
you have closed doors to a brighter future.
Some act on their feelings knowing the consequences of their actions.
But there are those who never knew nor realized that by acting upon their feelings,
they have transgressed themselves.
May Allah guide us to always choose to act and to do what's right regardless of what we're feeling.
It wasn't the first time that someone had asked. So I wasn't bothered. I knew that my father would never marry me off - not while I’m still in school. But this one was a bit persistent, and eventually, became too stubborn.
Well, he could try. But just like those who came before him, he too would be rejected.
That was something I was most certainly sure of.
Besides, who was he? The proposal came out of nowhere from one the family knew nothing about. No one knew him.
Outsiders hinted at a possible love story situation, but you’d be more likely to see a blue moon than to find me in that kind of relationship. That's not my way of life. I didn't know him. I’ve never heard of him nor had I ever even seen him. If it were up to me alone, and it wasn't, he would’ve been rejected from day one.
He knew that, so he courted my family instead.
And just like that, the wind shifted. My family began singing his praises within earshot as if it would do a thing to convince me. I put my foot forward. He's not the only stubborn one around here. I would prove to be a competition. I would not be married to a stranger. In fact, I would not be married at all. What followed was an almost two-year-long battle of wills.
Why me?
Unlike him - who was a complete stranger to me - I was not entirely unknown to him. Of course, I expected at least that much, or why would he be forcing himself where he wasn't wanted. Why try your hardest?
He’d seen me in passing at school. He was a senior. Apparently, he’d heard of ‘rumors’ about me rejecting boys from school. At college, he’d occasionally seen me, just passing by.
But I still wonder
how that was enough to convince himself to pursue my hand in marriage.
After all, aside from seeing me just passing by, we knew nothing about each other.
I know it wasn't something like love at first sight. But it makes me ponder of the mysterious inner workings of fate. We never knew - we might never know - how
sometimes little things, insignificant actions, uneventful circumstances that we think nothing of - or perhaps just by existing - can leave a profound impact on others that they would forever remember and carry with them, shaping their memories and decisions in ways we can't foresee.
It has been years since I went somewhere together with my siblings, and on our way to our destination, much of our time was spent arguing and debating. Each of us was shouting to be heard, voices overlapping and drowning each other out.
But it warms my heart that we were just like before.
As if I had not moved from home. I do not feel disconnected as I thought I would feel.
We are still what we were.
But a little bit considerate, a little bit mature.
We argued with our usual chaos, loud enough that a stranger might think it would surely not going to end well. But once everything had been said and we'd circled around the topic long enough, we'd start another topic with calm voices as if we weren't just shouting a second ago. We'd move to other topics, and, yes, "arguments" could always flare up, but that's just how it is.
