I miss you, Cedar. I hope you are doing well up there. I hope you are warm. I hope it’s raining for you. I hope you are comfortable. I hope you are happier.
I’m 20 today, little tree man.
I remember 13 walking around **** ***** during the fair when we were looking for *** and ******. How angry we were that they disappeared like that. I remember the way you laughed. I don’t know that I can ever forget it. I remember the way that your hair smelled like patchouli and your shirt smelled like lavender because your mama made her own detergent.
I remember being a barefooted kid with a bloody nose in summer camp when you gave me your button up because my shirt was already covered.
I miss being small with you. I miss your smile. I miss watching you grow. I wonder who you would be now.
I still can’t help but wish it were me and not you. I understand why you did it, but it still makes my heart feel so sad that it was you. You had so much love to get and give. You were just a kid. You’re supposed to be 19 this year.
God I miss you.
