all of my fics are 18+ ONLY and some may contain NONCON/DUBCON
please read the warnings provided for each fic
marvel masterlist
stranger things masterlist
misc. fandom fics
old flames
(divorced!lee bodecker x single mom!female reader)
fluffy smut, oneshot, ~6,100 words
sometimes the calls lee got sent on were nothing but trouble, but other times...
~ ♡ ~
appetite
(incubus!sanji x female reader)
soft!dark!fic, oneshot, ~3,100 words)
sanji just can’t help himself, it’s in his nature
~ ♡ ~
please and thank you
(heat x female reader)
smut, oneshot, ~4,000 words
heat needs some middle-of-the-night infirmary sex to make up for risking his life (he was happy to do it)
pairing: fem!bucky barnes x female reader
summary: bucky sees someone that makes her want to not be an aloof, painfully single masc with a staring problem, and they’re all the better and worse for it
warnings and contents: 18+ ONLY, rough sex, vaginal sex, oral sex, vaginal fingering, strap-on sex, double penetration, scissoring, butt plug, face-sitting, thigh riding, making out, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, squirting, dirty talk, praise kink, pet names (sweetheart, princess, baby), angst, fluff, cisfem!bucky, lesbian!bucky, bisexual!reader, bucky uses she/they pronouns and some masculine terminology, reader’s a sapphic virgin god bless her, pleasure dom!bucky, sub!reader, veryyyyy subtle piss kink if you squint
word count: ~13,500
author’s note: (said with one hour left) happy pride, y’all!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love all you little rainbow babies that may find this and take the time to read it and the ones that don’t do either of those things, too!!!! i’m so, so happy to share this beautiful ugly scary playground of a world with you♡♡♡ also i haven’t edited this yet and stayed up all night finishing it so just... go slowly...and if you see mistakes rn...no u don’t...
! PLEASE READ AND HEED THE WARNINGS !
18+ only - do not repost - minors and ai dni - thank u
Sunday
She swapped her purse over to her other shoulder after securing her wallet back inside it, eyes flittering around the crowd for where to go next. A bead of sweat ran down the back of her neck, sun overhead and body heat of those around her causing her to reach for her water more than she was expecting to. She was trying to be smart, though, the fear of not being able to find a bathroom easily at the back of her mind. Someone bumped into her on her right, turning to her with wide eyes.
“I’m so sorry!” he gasped, placing a hand on the shoulder he’d collided with.
“No, no, it’s okay!”
His eyes ran over her, causing her to grow self-conscious before he spoke again.
“You look so cute,” he beamed, “You should go get some paint done! They’re doing some right over there.”
She followed his finger where it was pointing at a small folding table, a crowd of people surrounding it. “Do I just walk up?”
He nodded with a small laugh. “Yes, girl, they’ll take care of you.”
“Okay, thank you!”
“Of course,” he drawled, starting to step back over toward the group he was with. “Have fun today!”
“You, too!”
She was gripping her purse strap, grinning so hard her cheeks hurt when she walked up to the table. There was a bit of a line, everyone in it chatting with someone else as she stepped into it. She let her eyes search over the people in front of her, admiring the thought put into some of their outfits, the little pins and patches adorning vests and shorts. Her eyes fell back down to her own clothing, realization suddenly hitting her that maybe that’s why the guy had looked her over and sent her to get painted. Her toes curled inside her shoes.
Another body knocking into hers caused her to look back up quickly.
“Sorry.”
The apology was short and mumbled, person not even looking over as they continued through the crowd to the table.
“You’re fucking late, Barnes! I’m dying here!”
“Yeah, yeah...”
She couldn’t help but stare, maybe a little more than she should have, watching as this Barnes person reached up to pull the backwards cap from their head and run their fingers through their hair. The action made their cropped denim shirt lift further, drawing her gaze to where their tank top sat just above their hips. It exposed a dark trail of hair and leather straps peeking over the waistband of their jeans. The heat under her skin suddenly pooled out hotter across her face, rushing even behind her eyes when she looked up to find the other’s already on her. They stared at one another for a moment, Barnes giving her a slow once over.
“You waiting?” they called.
She nodded.
They waved a hand vaguely. “I can do you.”
Fist still tight around her purse, she swallowed the lump in her throat and walked over.
“What do you want?” they asked, sliding over a book with pictures of different designs.
“Um...” She could feel another bead of sweat rushing down her neck, pretending to adjust her purse to try and wipe it away discreetly. Her teeth had begun to chew at the inside of her cheek unconsciously as she looked over the pages in front of her, worrying she was taking too long. “The flowers are cute.”
“What flag?”
She still didn’t look up yet, pointing a finger to the one she wanted. “Bi flag. Please.”
“You got Buck out here painting? Oh, you’re desperate!”
At the commotion, she looked up to see a man slapping his hands to Buck’s shoulders, earning a roll of eyes before he carried on. She looked at them with a little hesitation.
“I can do it,” Buck snorted, “Sam’s just an asshole.”
“Oh.”
“Where do you want it?”
She felt the urge to swallow again, trying not to make it too obvious. “W-what are my options?”
Buck scratched at their cheek, the quickest and faintest grin flashing on their lips. “People mainly do face. I’ve done arms or hands... A couple chests.”
A knuckle poked out to graze at her exposed skin just above her top, shiver passing through her despite the suffocating heat. “Face. Let’s do face. Please.”
“Alright.”
Buck stepped over to snatch the colors they needed from the pile in the center of the table, pointing to a chair around their side of it that she shuffled over to sit on. They reached for her chin with their silver arm, metal catching the sun at just the right angle to make her squint for a second.
“Right here?” they asked, running their flesh thumb over the apple of her cheek.
“M-maybe like... here.” Her own finger felt softer by comparison when she brushed it higher up, closer to the outer edge of her eye.
“How big you want it?”
God, this was a humiliation ritual.
“Doesn’t have to be too big. Just... Just so you can fe- see it.”
“Okay.”
If she didn’t know better, she’d swear she heard a slight chuckle in their response.
She sat as still as she could, unsure where to focus her eyes as the thin paintbrush slid over her skin. Buck drew in closer a few times, their silver hand going under her jaw, fingers against her neck and thumb just below her chin, to tilt her head slightly.
“Don’t wanna mess up your makeup,” they stated, quietly so only she could hear.
Her instinct was to nod, firm hold on her making it impossible. So she attempted to hum an acknowledgement, mortified when it came out as a weak squeal. Her eyes shut tightly.
After a few more moments, Buck sat back from her, grabbing a hand mirror off the table and holding it up for her. “Good?”
The little flower was cute, blossoming pink, purple, and blue atop her cheek. “Yes,” she beamed, “thank you.”
“Tweaked the colors a little bit so they’d stand out more against your skin.”
And they did, more vibrant than she was expecting. “It looks perfect. Thank you.” Buck just shrugged. “Um, how much?”
“Huh?” When she pulled her wallet from her purse, Buck shook their head. “No, it’s free, sweetheart. We just do it for fun.”
“Oh.” She tried to fight the shiver from how the endearment had sounded rolling off their tongue. “Thank you.”
They laughed softly. “You’re welcome.”
She was stuck for a moment, staring up at the other from where she was still seated, too focused on trying not to look at their hips that were right at her eyeline. It wasn’t until their eyes shifted over to the line of people and back to her that she caught herself. “Sorry! I’ll- Thanks!”
Just about to merge back into the crowd, she jumped a little when a hand wrapped around her elbow gently.
“You here by yourself?”
Her eyebrows twitched up sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”
Buck smiled at her in an equally shy manner. “I was gonna ask if you wanna help out.” They motioned to the table. “We could use it.”
Trying not to give away how much the hand still wrapped around her elbow was making her want to tremble like an eleven-year-old chihuahua, she forced a normal smile. “Sure!”
She got set up right beside Buck, slowly coming out of her shell more and more with each person she spoke with. Everyone was so kind, complimenting her shirt or her makeup or the keychains on her purse. Some kids came through, wanting a simple rainbow on their cheeks or the backs of their hands. Her own cheeks were aching, her own hands having stopped shaking somewhere along the way.
“The flower is so cute!”
The voice came from just beside her as she took a break to sip at her water, one of the other people from the group of friends running the table. She smiled as she said, “Thank you! Buck did it.”
“Bucky.”
Her eyes went to them. “What?”
“It’s Bucky, not Buck.”
“Oh... I’m sorry, I heard your friend say it earlier and thought- Sorry.”
Bucky shook their head. “No, it’s fine. I just prefer Bucky.” They smirked a little. “Like I said, Sam’s an asshole.”
She giggled behind her water bottle, fingertips tracing along the edge of one of the stickers on it. Bucky looked at her with an expectant quirk in their brow. So she offered her own name, taking another huge sip of her water immediately after.
Checking her phone, she saw it had been almost an hour since she first walked over. Another group had came up to the table, everyone she’d come to know greeting them and starting to pack up the few things they brought with them.
“You’re leaving?” she asked, watching with a knot in her stomach as Bucky stood up and stretched their arms over their head.
“Yeah, we’re gonna walk for a bit. You should come.”
“Okay.”
As soon as she stood, she regretted how much time she’d spent sipping at her water. It was a relief when Bucky spoke up again.
“I’m gonna pee before we go.”
The small group nodded as they continued to talk amongst each other.
“Can I come?” she asked, getting a raised eyebrow in response. “I-I mean so I can go, too. I drank, like, almost all of my water.”
Bucky laughed. “Yeah, c’mon.”
They guided her down a block to a Chinese restaurant, stepping forward to open the door for her. She thanked them as she stepped through. Bucky nodded to the guy behind the counter, pointing toward the back and getting a wave of his hand.
“It’s in the back,” they pointed, ghosting their knuckles at her back to guide her into the cluttered office space. “Go ahead.”
Again, they opened the door for her, allowing her to use the single restroom first. She took care of her business, staring at herself in the cloudy mirror as she washed her hands. The heat hadn’t done as much of a number on her as she thought, little flower on her cheek also holding up nicely. Her mind began to race a little as she turned to inspect her backside. Part of her was expecting to emerge from the bathroom and find that Bucky was nowhere to be found, the pitstop nothing more than an excuse to ditch her and get back to their friends. So when she let out a heavy breath and opened the door to find them leaning on the opposite wall, scrolling aimlessly on their phone, she couldn’t fight her grin.
“All yours,” she chirped, swapping places with Bucky as they slipped into the bathroom.
There were texts from her friend waiting for her, asking how everything was going. Ones from her mother asking the same, each referring to different things. Her friend knew exactly where she was. Her mother thought she was merely visiting her friend. It took a second to respond to the latter, her response to the former still unfinished when Bucky stepped out of the bathroom.
“You said you’re out of water?” they asked, still adjusting the straps around their hips.
She looked back to her phone quickly as she nodded.
“Here...”
Knuckles finding her back again, she typed as fast as she could, angling the phone awkwardly to keep her texts private while Bucky lead her over to the side of the counter.
“Gimme your bottle,” they said, holding out their hand for her to slip the pink-coated steel into so they could twist the cap off. They turned to the guy behind the counter then, him already looking at the pair. “Top her off.”
The guy chuckled, taking the bottle and looking over his shoulder at her. “Water?”
“Yes, please,” she nodded, watching him grab a pitcher and use it to fill her bottle.
He was smirking when he stepped back over to the two of them. “Been a while since you brought a date in, Barnes.”
They didn’t say anything, instead raising their middle finger and taking the bottle back to hand to her with its cap. The guy cackled loudly before going back to the customers waiting in line.
“Sorry,” Bucky mumbled.
She shook her head as she twisted the cap back on, eagerly taking a sip once it was on.
The noises of the street exploded once they stepped outside again, rush of heat hitting her in sync with it. Bucky’s friends had been waiting, all of them moving together and continuing their conversations as they walked down the sprawl of vendors. She stayed off to the side, quietly listening in and laughing when someone told a joke. Bucky stayed at her side, even when she stopped to look at the different booths here and there. She was calculated about the things she decided to buy, knowing a discreet sticker would stand out less than a full-sized flag.
“Where are you from?” Bucky asked when the two of them were slowly catching back up to the group. When she answered, they laughed softly. “Never heard of it.”
“Yeah, it’s... small.”
Bucky nodded, waiting a beat before offering, “I get it. I grew up in this tiny little town outside Indianapolis. Shelbyville.”
“Never heard of it.”
They laughed again. “Yeah, it’s small.”
Her teeth sank into the inside of her cheek again, smile scrunched to one side. She’d shuffled her purse from side to side a few times, trying to disperse the weight of it evenly enough that she wouldn’t be whining over it later. Bucky must have noticed at some point, waiting until she moved it to her left side again to speak.
“Y’want me to carry that for you?”
She looked at them, squinting slightly as she teased, “You’re not going to run off with it, are you?”
“Depends. There something worth taking in it?”
Crossing her arms, she pretended to think. “Mm... A couple maxi pads, water bottle, maybe some old receipts, a debit card that you’d be embarrassed to bring to an ATM.”
Bucky sucked at their teeth. “Tempting, but... too hot out for me to wanna get in a foot chase.”
Giggling, she took her purse strap in her hold, sliding it down to offer it out to Bucky. “Thank you.”
They dropped it onto their left shoulder, placing their hand on hers to squeeze at the muscle. “Better?”
Her gaze fell away quickly as she hoped Bucky couldn’t feel the shiver that shook through her. “Yeah,” she breathed, feeling goosebumps finally break out across her skin when the hand on her shoulder slid down her arm before falling away. “Can I actually grab my water real quick? Sorry.”
Bucky simply handed her the water bottle, watching her as she sucked down more than a few sips.
Someone from the group, Sam, walked back toward them, grinning as he asked, “We doing the parade or going straight back to Nat’s?”
Bucky looked at her, waiting for her to decide for them. “I’d like to see the parade,” she smiled.
Sam pumped his fist before jogging back over to give the rest of the group the news.
“Who’s Nat?” she asked once they were alone again.
Bucky pointed ahead, “Redhead. She’s got a little cafe not far from here, and we usually head over there after everything wraps up.”
“Sounds fun,” she tried, following everyone’s lead and splitting off from the main stretch of vendors and toward the parade a few blocks over.
Bucky caught her attempt, grinning as they cooed, “You’re invited.”
She didn’t bother trying to fight her smile.
It was only a few moments before everyone was merging into the crowd gathered on the sidewalks for the main parade, Bucky helping her nudge their way through as many people as they could. She hung close to them, hoping she wasn’t overstepping. It was just overwhelming at first, loud music and cheers, bodies moving in all directions.
“Here,” Bucky pointed, guiding her to a crosswalk signal. “Can see better if you hop up.”
She let them help her up onto the narrow base, hands finding her waist to keep her steady as she gripped the pole and looked out to the parade. She expected to grow even more nervous, what with the uneven metal beneath her feet and the unfamiliar hold around her waist. But something happened as she watched the crowd of people make their way through the street. The electricity from bright smiles and vibrant colors shot through her, hypnotizing her as she felt something sting at her eyes. Someone beside her followed her lead and stepped up on the other side of the pole, their hands bumping as the other woman found purchase. They shared a smile and a quick giggle, eyes drifting back to the parade as they continued to beam. The sting at her eyes grew into a warmth, rushing down over her cheek when she blinked.
Her throat was tight when she stepped back to climb her way down, Bucky helping her once again.
“Y’okay?” they asked, looking over her shimmering eyes.
“Yeah,” she breathed, unsteady and followed by an awkward laugh. “I don’t know what happened.”
Bucky stared at her, watching as she tried to dab at her face without disturbing her makeup. “Here,” they offered, fisting the hem of their tank to pull it up and dry under her eyes carefully.
“Thank you,” she sighed, noticing the spot of mascara that now stained the tank when Bucky let it snap back to their stomach.
“It’s a lot your first time,” they said quietly, “Not like back home.”
She snorted a laugh. “No. Not like back home at all.” When she looked up to find soft eyes staring back at her, she managed a small smile. “How’s my little flower holding up?”
“Good,” Bucky nodded.
By the time the group began moving to the cafe, they’d all picked up little flags somewhere along the way. She kept her pink, purple, and blue one in her hold the entire way, watching as Bucky tucked their one of shades of pink and orange into the strap sitting snuggly on their right hip.
The cafe was cute, lots of plants and local art hung up on the walls. She told Nat as much, making the redhead beam with pride. Bucky set her purse down gently on a short booth against the wall before sitting in the seat directly next to it. Everyone congregated around them, eventually snacking on the pastries and sandwiches that Nat had brought out to them. It was nice to see how close they all were with one another, speaking freely about their lives because everyone else already knew. But there was a loneliness that lingered in her chest at the display, too.
She noticed how Bucky was quiet even amongst their friends. She also came to learn that Nat was their ex through the few comments people had made.
It was after someone had made a joke, swearing to give Bucky head if they fixed a leaky faucet, that the redhead stepped up behind them and swung her arms around Bucky’s neck comfortably. “No,” she drawled, “Bucky doesn’t like getting head.”
Metal fingers pried the wrists from their neck gently. “Not the way you give it.”
Nat scoffed at that, moving to sit between Sam and a blond, Steve. “I give it just fine, baby, you just never wanted to bottom for me. And now look at you. Spending all day cooped up at home reading yuri.”
Everyone busted out laughing as Bucky simply shrugged and made an unbothered sort of expression, one eyebrow ticking up briefly. “A price I’m willing to pay.”
The woman beside them looked at Bucky shyly, a smile breaking from where her teeth had pinned her lips.
It settled after a few moments, Bucky slumping back against the booth and discreetly snaking an arm along the top of it behind her. She kept her composure, sipping at the iced tea that was given to her. She then made the mistake of making eye contact with Sam, a mirthful look on his face before she could look away.
The attention was on her after that, questions about where she was from, what she did for work, if she needed help getting away from the broody butch at her side. She shook her head at the last one, nudging Bucky’s knee with her own under the table.
“How long are you here for?”
She looked up to Steve, catching him looking away from Bucky at the end of his question. “Just two more days. I fly home Wednesday morning.”
Which earned her a cooed, “Aw.” from everyone.
“I know,” she laughed, “I’m just as heartbroken.”
“Move here!” Nat gushed, also briefly glancing at Bucky. “My sister’s roommate is moving when their lease is up in a few months, she’d take you in.”
Bucky set their phone down at that, ceasing their scrolling. “She’s not living with Yelena,” they said sternly, “She spends half her time boxing in the living room and the other half burning down the kitchen.”
Nat scoffed. “Don’t listen to Bucky, she’s dramatic. That was one time because she fell asleep with pasta on the stove, and everyone was fine.”
The woman beside Bucky laughed. “It’s okay,” she smiled, “I’ve gotta get my ducks in a row back home anyway.”
“Offer’s there is all I’m saying.”
She nodded, taking another sip of her tea.
It was hours that they all sat there, her muscles melting a little so she was finally pressed against the back of the booth, Bucky’s arm grazing across her shoulders and their fingers playing idly with the knotted straps of her top. She didn’t stop them. And only when they made a move to leave did she finally think about it herself.
“I gotta get home and feed Alpine before she rips another cabinet off the walls.”
“That’s your own damn fault for not just tightening the hinges,” Sam rolled his eyes.
“No,” Bucky huffed, “my daughter is just that fuckin’ strong, Wilson.”
“Whatever you gotta tell yourself to sleep at night.”
She laughed as she stood up, sliding her purse up onto her shoulder.
“And where will you be heading off to?”
Eyes were on her when she looked up, Nat smirking at her from the head of the table. “Oh, um... My friend and I are probably gonna grab dinner. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten.”
“I see...”
She looked at the redhead in confusion before everyone said their goodbyes.
Her and Bucky stepped out onto the sidewalk together, Bucky holding the door again. “Where are you staying?” they asked, safely out of earshot of their friends.
“With my friend. She has a place right in Tudor City.”
“Wow,” Bucky laughed, “fancy.”
She laughed, shuffling her feet. “Yeah, must be nice.”
“Very.” A moment passed. “You taking the train back up or...?”
“Bus.”
“I’ll wait with you.”
So the two of them made their way over a few blocks, back toward where they started the day, to stand at the bus stop together. She was nervously picking at the threading along her purse strap while they waited, watching as Bucky reached into the breast pocket of their denim shirt and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter. They offered her one, placing it between their lips when she declined it. She watched as it sparked to life, smoke puffing from Bucky’s nose. They looked her over as they pocketed the lighter again, blowing smoke from the corner of their mouth.
“Two more days, huh?” they asked.
She nodded weakly, toes curling in her shoes. “Two more days.”
Nodding back, Bucky took another drag. “Any plans?”
“My friend works from home tomorrow, so we’ll probably just hang out and watch Love Island or something. Tuesday she’s in-person, so I’m kinda on my own for the day.”
Bucky nodded again, looking down to their boots as another cloud of smoke left them.
She was expecting them to ask to see her again, completely deflating when they didn’t. And then the bus was pulling up against the sidewalk, engine roaring and brakes squealing. Her fist tightened around her purse strap. “Thanks for today.” She wanted to say more, to explain what it had meant to be included amongst such a close group of friends when she felt so isolated at the start of the day. But she stayed silent, lingering a moment to give Bucky time to say something in response.
They didn’t.
She turned to the bus doors, stepping through them and getting all the way to the top of the few steps before a hand found her elbow.
“Wait,” Bucky pleaded.
She turned back.
“There’s a library by Prospect Park, the north side. Is ten too early?”
Helpless but to let the smile wanting to beam across her face do just that, she shook her head. “No, no, that’s perfect.”
Bucky nodded, small smile of their own tugging at their lips as they slid their hand down her arm and stepped back from the bus.
She was frozen a moment, staring at the other as they sucked at their cigarette. The driver behind her cleared his throat, snapping her out of the haze she had fallen into. “Sorry,” she breathed, quickly tapping her phone and making to find a spot. Bucky was still standing there when she took a seat by a window near the back, waving back at her when she raised a hand shyly.
Tuesday
It was even hotter than Sunday as she sat on the steps to the library, hand shielding her phone screen to check the time. Again. Only a minute had passed, still ten minutes before they planned to meet. But maybe she’d misheard, and she was at the wrong library. Or maybe she was supposed to be at another side of the library. Or maybe Bucky had been making the plans for Monday. Or maybe-
“Hey.”
Her heart stopped when she looked up, a shadow falling over her. “Hi!” she chirped as she stood up quickly.
Bucky smiled back at her, pulling a hand from their pocket as they motioned over her. “You look nice.”
She looked down to her outfit, taking the hem of her blouse in between her fingers to rub it gently. “Thank you.” Eyes slowly working their way up Bucky’s form, she swallowed at the fitted tee that showed off their biceps, flesh one equally as impressive as its metallic counterpart. “You do, too.” They were smirking when she looked up.
“Thanks.” A moment passed between the two of them before Bucky spoke up again. “I, uh... I got us tickets for the zoo, in case you wanted to go. We don’t have to, I just thought maybe... Yeah.”
Her chest suddenly felt tight. “The zoo would be fun.”
“Okay, good.”
The timing was perfect, walk over just long enough for them to arrive right on time for opening and their tickets. She went straight for the sea lions, stepping right up to watch them zip around underwater and poke their heads out to stare back at the building crowd. A couple of them came up to the edge of the pool, slapping their flippers onto it to prop themselves up.
“Have you seen those videos of the ones that, like, stick their tongues out and make all kinds of stupid faces and everything?” she laughed, looking to Bucky.
They laughed back at her. “I have, yeah. They come up on all my feeds, I can’t escape them.”
“Mine, too!” she giggled, turning back to the sea lions. “But I also like every video I see of them, so... My own fault.”
Bucky laughed again, pressing closer to her as the crowd grew.
She could smell the cologne they wore, leaning in on instinct to savor it.
The pair made their way through all the small zoo had to offer, her taking pictures of the different animals she found cute and shying away as a goat ate greedily from her hand in the petting area. They made small talk, biting into grins that grew too wide every time their eyes caught. She had felt knuckles play against her at some point, testing to see if it was safe for a palm to press into her through her blouse. She didn’t stop it, having to duck her head to hide her breathy laugh when it finally spread out across her lower back.
At the end of their visit, no more animals left to see, they wandered through the small gift shop. She was turning over a little sea lion plushie in her hands, smoothing out its synthetic down. Bucky laughed at the sight.
“I’ll get it for you if you want it,” they offered.
She shook her head. “No, you got the tickets and everything.”
They fixed her with a playfully stern look. “Do you want it or not?” When she simply scrunched her smile to one side, coyly looking away, they took it from her hands. “C’mon.”
She let them pay, refusing a bag so she could carry the stuffed toy tucked in her arm.
There was a worry at the back of her neck. That once they left, the day would wrap up and she would be left to think of it for the rest of her life. Maybe she was dramatic. Maybe Bucky had the same worry, she thought, watching their throat bob around a harsh swallow as they reached for their lighter in their pocket.
She waited until the cigarette was lit before she spoke. “I don’t wanna go back to my friend’s place yet.”
Bucky blew out heavily, making sure the wind was blowing away from her. “I’m not far from here.”
Staring at the cigarette where it sat between their lips, she nodded. “Okay.”
She followed Bucky through the streets, mind running a mile a minute thinking about what could be coming her way. Whatever it was, she wanted it. If they just sat on a couch and watched YouTube videos for six hours, she’d be happy. Over the moon, in fact. But the thought of maybe something more happening, of getting to see the rest of the leather straps that had sat around their hips two days prior... That had a heat curling in her stomach. One that was hardly tamed by the ice cream they grabbed from a truck on the way. It only grew, sparking like the cheap pink lighter that Bucky carried as she watched them fight against the summer temperatures to keep their chocolate with chocolate sprinkles from melting down their arm. Her own vanilla with rainbow sprinkles had bested her in her distracted state, a silver hand full of napkins wiping from her elbow up to her wrist to try and help.
Bucky’s apartment was cozy, full of warm colors and cat toys littered across the floor. They had homemade shelving up in the living room, made of stained wood and cinderblocks, that housed various little trinkets and books. Notebooks, a lot of notebooks. And a small collection of Badtz-Maru plushies. It made her hold in a giggle, the resemblance almost uncanny. The kitchen had dishes strewn across the counters. Or at least it did until they frantically started piling them in the sink.
“Wasn’t thinking I’d get this far.”
She laughed at that, continuing to look around the tight space. Candy was in no short supply, packages of cookies sitting out for easy access and individually wrapped chocolate bars stacked on top of the fridge. Some little caramel things she didn’t recognize.
Bucky had stepped closer, watching her take in their space. “I like sweet things,” they said lowly, smirking when she looked at them.
She laughed but only to cover the flutter that sank down from her stomach and in between her thighs, the two of them drifting closer and closer until she felt a hand brushing up her arm.
“We don’t have to do anything,” Bucky whispered, stepping closer when she only melted under their touch. “But I really fucking want to.”
Maybe it was the power of being in a city other than her own, an unfamiliar apartment instead of the home she grew up in... But she was suddenly bold enough to push forward and capture the lips she’d spent an indecent amount of time staring at. Bucky hummed when she did, hand no longer lingering at the edges of her arm and instead moving to slide onto her waist. They both tasted like a mix between sour and sweet from their ice cream, her toes curling within her boots at the rush of want that flooded her.
Bucky caused her to whine when they pulled back, cheeks already flushed as they panted, “Have you ever...?” She shook her head timidly. Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut. “Fuck...”
“I’m sorry, it’s just... hard where I am.”
“No,” they cooed, taking her waist with their left hand so the right could cup her cheek. “No, sweetheart, I get it, I just... I’m realizing we’re gonna have to figure out what you like when I wanna just take you apart.”
She buckled at that, rasping, “Th-that sounds like something I’d like.”
Bucky grinned, stroking her cheek. “We’ll see.” They knew better than to push too hard too soon, taking a step back to slide her purse from her shoulder and set it on their counter along with the little plush sea lion. “How long do I have you?”
“As long as you want, I guess,” she swallowed, still partially lightheaded. “My friend gets off at five, but I don’t necessarily have to be back by then.”
“Five whole hours?” Bucky beamed, “Or more?”
“If you’re lucky,” she laughed.
“Fuck, I should have asked Sam my horoscope this morning.”
She laughed again, tilting her chin down coyly.
Bucky fought a groan at the display, pushing their hair back from their face. “Wanna sit down?” When she nodded, they took up her hand, guiding her into the living room toward the couch. She stopped just before sitting down.
“Oh! Your kitty!”
Looking to where she was staring at the ball of white basking in a bed under the bit of sunlight allowed in under the curtains, Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Alpine.”
“I think Sam was wrong, she definitely looks stacked.”
“Thank you!” Bucky beamed, “She’s a killer, Sam is just jealous.”
“Totally.”
When they finally sat, Bucky watched her go to curl her legs up, stopping as she looked down to her boots. She tugged at the laces and slid them off carefully before getting comfortable, eyes watching where Bucky’s thighs spread out in a similar display of comfort.
“You want some music or anything?” they asked.
She shook her head, confessing, “No, it’s... I kinda think it’s cringe.”
“Thank god, so do I.”
So they filled the silence with more small talk, speaking low to each other at first, but slowly getting more into what they discussed. She got on the topic of animes she liked, naturally transitioning to mangas and then manhwas, her eyes lighting up as she remembered the comment Nat had made about Bucky reading yuri. She started talking about a comic that just came out from an artist she really liked. Which led into Bucky asking her to show them. Which led to her nervously tapping through her phone and timidly leaning in to show them.
“Oh, I see,” Bucky purred, tilting the phone to get a better look at the explicit drawings of girls engaging in what history would call ‘gals being pals.’
“Whatever!” she whined, prying her phone back. “You’re no better from what I heard.”
“I’m not,” Bucky chuckled, “That’s why I said I see.”
“Well, anyway. The comic is really good, and that artist has some other good ones, too.”
“Can you send them to me?” A not-so-subtle attempt to get her number.
“Yeah, here.”
Her phone found its way back into Bucky’s palm, new message screen open with the link already pasted into the text bar. They typed in their number, hitting send and feeling their phone vibrate against their thigh.
They talked some more, closer than they were previously since she didn’t pull back. Something over Bucky’s shoulder caught her attention, a curious look coming across her face.
“Knight’s armor?” she asked, causing the other to whip their head around to the helmet and chest piece beside their bedroom door.
“Yeah,” they chuckled, “We go to a lot of ren faires, and that’s the easiest way for me to not have to talk as much.”
“I kind of need to see pictures of this. Just for proof, y’know?”
Bucky snorted, lifting their hips to dig out their phone anyway. It didn’t take long to find, most of their camera roll full of a certain white cat or selfies that Sam snuck when they weren’t looking. “Here,” they said, handing their phone over.
She took it and stared at the picture. Bucky. In tights and out-of-place combat boots. Chest plate and one sleeve of matching armor, other exposed to display their silver arm. A long sword hanging off their hip and chestnut tresses peeking out from beneath their helmet.
“And here’s without the helmet,” Bucky said, grinning at how focused she was on the pictures.
“Right, right...” Her fingers moved on their own to zoom in, forgetting the object of her desires was right beside her, watching the whole thing. When she pinched back out, she scrolled over with her thumb, mouth falling open at what popped up.
“Whoa!” Bucky shrieked, snatching their phone away. “Why are you scrolling through like a fuckin’ boomer?!”
“S-sorry,” she stuttered, image of the clear thirst trap of Bucky in their armor still burned across her vision.
Bucky just laughed, trying to wipe away the heat behind their face. “You’re a little pervert,” they teased, watching her simply shrug her shoulder innocently. They let their gaze fall all across her face, not missing the way she took in a sharp breath at the attention. They licked their lips, beckoning her closer with a curl of their fingers.
She moved instantly, rising to her knees to throw one over Bucky’s hips. They caught her around the waist, hands greedily digging into the loose cotton of her blouse in search of supple flesh. Their lips came together softly, moving as gently as her hands did to curl around Bucky’s shoulders. Her fingers played at the neckline of their shirt, tracing along the skin just beneath it and creeping up into their hair.
“I like how you touch me,” they breathed, sliding a hand around to her back. “So gentle...” It made them almost dizzy, a deeper desire than lust pooling warmly throughout their body. She was just so... sweet. Nervous in all the best ways and playful in all the others. A moan came out breathy and satisfied from the back of Bucky’s throat.
Her thighs shook, victim to the static collecting under her skin with each pass of Bucky’s hands over it. She wanted to sit herself down and test the push of her hips into theirs, see if the bunching of their jeans felt as good against her center as she imagined it would. Bucky must have sensed her mounting want as they drew their lips away to suction them to her jaw.
“Mm... what d’you want, sweetheart?” they purred, moving down to nip at her neck.
Her stomach was so tight with arousal, she feared she might be sick for a moment, gripping onto Bucky hard enough to make her knuckles ache. Her mind was failing her, too many inputs feeding into it at once.
“Tell me what you like,” they tried, pecking at the soft skin of her throat. “We can kiss...” To prove their point, they brought their lips back to hers, prying them open gently so their breaths could mix. Nice and slow, just enough to have the girl in their hold shivering before they pulled back again. “I can touch you... here.” A palm slid around from her back, finding her breast through her blouse as Bucky grinned at the sigh she let out. “Or here...” Their knuckles dragged down her front, tapping at her mound over the matching bloomers to her blouse once they reached it. “Hm? Here?” Palm flattening again, they pushed it between her thighs to cup her heat, sliding back and rubbing gently at her to earn a whine of approval. Then they pushed back further, a smirk curling at their lips as they dug their fingers between her cheeks. “Or even here.”
She moaned, bowing forward under the touch.
“You like that one, huh?” Bucky chuckled, watching her face pinch around a desperate sort of sound just before it pushed in to kiss them more. They took the lead, guiding her lips through languid drags and teasing swipes of tongue. Their hand was still between her legs, feeling when her thighs attempted to squeeze around their wrist. “Whatever you want,” they panted, “Whatever you want, I’ll give you.”
“Everything,” she gasped, “I-I want everything.”
“Everything?” Bucky echoed, grinning against her lips. “Everything in five hours... That would be quite a feat.”
“Please,” she tried weakly.
Bucky just cooed gently at her, silver palm keeping her steady as flesh rubbed at her again. “I wanna take my time with you, though. Why don’t we start simple?”
“Simple?”
“Yeah, let’s just have you ride my thigh a little first.”
Feeling denim push at the inside of her legs, she took the hint and moved to straddle just one of Bucky’s. They guided her down onto it, removing their hand from between hers. She didn’t wait, hips beginning to rock as soon as they felt something firm beneath them. Bucky didn’t seem to mind, pulling back to stare at her face as she started a rhythm.
“There... good girl.”
A ragged moan.
“Mm, yeah, good girl,” they rasped, planting their right palm on her hip, down to the juncture of her thigh. “Feels good, huh?”
“Yes,” she sighed, vision already beginning to grow clouded. She was damp, had been damp for hours, slick soaking into the fabric of her panties and providing a delicious friction with each pass of her hips.
“You wanna cum like this?” Bucky asked, “Wanna make a mess on my thigh?”
She just nodded, all she could muster as she grew eager, using her hold on Bucky’s shoulders as leverage to rock down with more force.
“I can feel you, princess, so warm against me. Are you wet for me, too? Hm?” Another nod, her lips parted around a choked moan. “I can’t wait to see. Can’t wait to lay you out on my bed and watch you cry ’cause it feels so good.”
“Fu- fuck...”
She shook, bearing down around nothing as she came with enough force to make her eyes squeeze shut. It was embarrassing, took quick, so needy. She didn’t care.
“Good girl,” Bucky cooed, rubbing at her hip. “That’s it, breathe for me.”
She did so, forcing out a deep breath and taking another in as her hips finally came to a stop. “Bucky,” she whimpered.
“I’m here, sweet girl.” To show her, they pushed her into them, pressing their lips together softly.
There was still a slight tremble to hers as they began to move slowly. The kisses were as good as the orgasm, something about the way Bucky took their time with her and teased her with grazes of their tongue instead of shoving it straight into her mouth. She was already close to starting her hips up again after only a few moments.
“Y-you said-” She paused to swallow. “You said you didn’t like the way Nat...”
“Yeah?” Bucky rasped.
“Show me how you like it, then. I-I wanna try.”
“Fuck...” There was hesitance in their gaze as it drank her in. Not for lack of desire, no. But because they knew they couldn’t throw her into it as quickly as maybe both of them wished. “Why don’t you just... start simple. See how you like it first.”
“Okay,” she nodded shakily.
“Okay,” Bucky echoed. “Catch your breath first, sweetheart, you’re still buzzing.”
“Sorry.”
“No, that’s a good thing,” they beamed, “I like that you’re so sensitive, it’s hot.”
She ducked her head, pushing forward so Bucky could wrap their arms around her and hold her in a gentle hug as she calmed. She could almost fall asleep on the muscular shoulder, contented sigh leaving her when hands began soothing at her back. Fighting it, she turned her head to kiss at sharp jaw and heated cheek, both of them humming when their lips found each other again.
Without a word, she dropped to Bucky’s chin, then to their neck, knees sliding back on the couch to the very edge of the cushion.
“Yeah?” Bucky asked, staring at her with a hand on her cheek.
“Yeah.”
“Here.”
A sturdy metal arm wrapped around her waist, other plucking a throw pillow from beside them to set it on the floor between Bucky’s feet. She took in a breath when they settled back and looked at her heatedly. Keeping her eyes on them, she slid further until there was nothing left and then sank onto her knees on the pillow. Her instincts were to reach for Bucky’s belt on her own, an undeniable heat curling inside her when she watched them take the leather and buckle in their hold and unlatch it slowly.
It fell to either side, thick fingers working at the button and zipper of their jeans next. And then all that was left was fabric. Denim that she pulled down easily to the tops of boots and boxer briefs that she did the same with. Wispy hairs tickled under her palms as she sat staring at the patch of much thicker, denser strands. She could feel Bucky’s eyes on her, trying to assess the thoughts behind her own. The truth was that there were none. Nothing but salacious images and screams to move echoed around her skull.
So she leaned in, Bucky’s hips canting closer to the edge for better access. The wiry hairs tickled at her lips at first, smoothing out the more she pushed into them. A deep scent rushed over her, natural and musky, faintly artificial like a soap or lotion. She breathed out heavily, eyes finally falling completely shut as she parted her lips and used her tongue to part the ones in front of her.
Bucky did the same, sighing out at the sight before them. She was doing so well so far, exactly how they liked. No fingers, no theatrics, just pure desire to submit and make her partner feel good.
“Fuck, that’s it, baby...”
She’d moved slowly, giving herself enough time to adjust to the new sensations, nothing but instinct guiding her to the stiff bud her tongue poked at. It drifted down curiously, picking up a tang that was new on her tastebuds but familiar, too, from nights alone in her room. She moaned, couldn’t hold it in, prying her lips between Bucky’s to find more of that taste before circling it around their clit.
“Right there, princess. Stay right there.”
So she did, fingers dropping from thighs to grip at the bunch of clothing caught around Bucky’s ankles. Her lips latched around the bud, tongue tapping at it while she gave a cautious suck.
Bucky placed a hand to her neck, sliding it around back so they could guide her gently. She was already doing so well, just needed that little lit of encouragement.
The palm at her nape gave a little push, her mind taking it as a command to go harder. Her next suck was just that, another moan leaving her. She loved it, she was completely delirious with it, she didn’t want to stop.
Bucky’s metal hand was gripping into the couch, fabric straining under the sheer strength of it. They were trying to keep their composure and not get lost in the heady pleasure of not just her lips but the sight of her on her knees, lashes fanning out across her cheeks and brows furrowed in concentration and her own pleasure.
“Good fucking girl,” they gritted, fingertips digging into her neck and thumb soothing at her throat. Their head fell back with a thud, eyes still trained on her to watch her work them over. Her eyes fluttered open to check if she was still doing good, even after receiving praise barely a moment before. “Keep going, baby, you’re doing so well.”
She all but purred under it, eyes wanting to roll back from the words alone. They only exemplified her desire to work harder, to try and give Bucky what they had given to her.
Bucky got lost in it, in the heat that seeped out from their center and the gentle suckling that came from it. Those soft, devoted eyes gazing up at them... They almost missed the jolt of pleasure that would surely lead into another. Almost succumbed to it when the second felt even better. “Fuck! That’s good, sweetheart, that’s good. Come here.”
She let the hand around her neck guide her back, tongue swiping over her lips greedily just before Bucky’s found them. It was theirs that trembled then, a shaky breath hitting across her cheeks from their nose.
“You make me fucking crazy,” they panted, finally letting their tongues meet in more than just a coy brush. She tasted like them, reached up to wrap her arms around their shoulders and allow herself to be pulled back up onto the couch.
“Was I good?”
“You were perfect,” Bucky chuckled, nipping at her lip. “I like to get a bit rougher, but that was un-fucking-real as is.”
She preened under the praise, grinning through kisses.
“I need a smoke already,” Bucky laughed, getting her to do the same. “Would that be alright? If we take a quick break?”
A whine was about to come out of her throat before her stomach rumbled and cut it off.
Bucky laughed again, rubbing at her back. “Grab a snack, sweetheart. You’re gonna need it.”
She searched through their cabinets and fridge as they snuck out onto the fire escape to smoke. Usually she’d be thinking about what she ate, how it would taste on her tongue afterwards or if just the sight of it on her plate would turn someone else off. But she was comfortable moving through Bucky’s apartment, nibbling on her assortment of chips and Babybel cheeses and a peanut butter sandwich. Oh, and half a pickle.
“Girl dinner?” Bucky asked, smirking at her when they climbed back into the living room.
She nodded, covering her mouth as she mumbled, “I made you some, too.”
There was another plate of similar composition on Bucky’s coffee table, a genuine smile pulling across their face as they took it up. “Looks delicious,” they hummed, bending down to kiss her before falling back on the couch.
They ate together in relative silence, gulping down the tea she poured for them like they’d just finished a marathon. Bucky took their dishes to the sink and went about trying to clear some of the others out and into the dishwasher while they were there. Arms snaking around their waist had a smirk tugging at their lips.
“Bedroom?” they asked, “Or are you sick of me?”
“I said everything, didn’t I?”
Bucky cocked their head. “Getting mouthy, huh?”
She shrugged.
Bucky snorted a laugh. “Need the bathroom first?”
She seemed to think it over for a moment, shaking her head eventually.
“Mind if I do?” Another shake of her head. And then she was following after Bucky all the way up to the bathroom door. “What’s the matter, princess, you wanna watch? Didn’t think you’d be into that.”
“Can’t a girl just get a little clingy?” she pouted, quickly turning into a grin when Bucky cupped her face to kiss her.
“Of course she can.”
They let her hover as they went, winking in her direction just to watch her hide her face and shy away. Cutting the faucet off, they reached for their mouthwash and tossed back a mouthful to swish.
“Oh,” she whispered, “should I...?”
Bucky hummed in question, tossing her head back to gargle before spitting. “What?”
“Well, since we ate... Should I also...?”
Shaking their head, Bucky wiped at their mouth. “No, I don’t care about that, I’m just gonna...” They looked down, motioning to her hips. “If you want, I mean.”
Without a word, she reached for the mouthwash, taking some for herself. She didn’t even pat her mouth dry before bringing their lips together, Bucky cupping her neck when she did. “I’m not waiting until after to kiss you again.”
Grinning, Bucky hummed, “That’s smart. Good strategy. ’Cause I plan on being down there a while.”
And they were not lying, not even exaggerating. They kept her locked in the throes of ecstasy for what felt like hours, very well could have been with the blackout curtains in their bedroom keeping her oblivious to time. On her back, on her stomach, face pressed into the sheets and hips lifted into the air so Bucky could lap at her greedily. They pumped their fingers into her at that angle, making her shake and scream into the sheets, the decision not to relieve herself biting her in the ass at that moment. But, fuck, it felt so good. Having Bucky’s hands grip at her possessively, mouth pulling orgasms from her like it was second nature.
“I messed up your makeup, pretty girl,” they teased after pulling her head up to kiss her breathless after they’d already ripped all the air from her lungs a second before. “One more.”
God, she didn’t know if she could. Allowed herself to be set over Bucky’s face anyway, their sharp crystalline eyes staring up at her. She had to grip the headboard to keep from collapsing, muscles tensed like she was in permanent orgasm as their skilled tongue lapped through her slit just to make more of a mess of her. It wasn’t until her next one actually hit that she realized just what the woman under her had done to her nerves.
“Fuck!” she cried, unable to control herself any longer and feeling a hot burst of liquid erupt from her.
Bucky’s hands gripped her ass tighter, pulling her closer as they hummed against her. “Mm, that’s it, that’s my good fucking girl.”
Her thighs were shaking so hard she was sure it was only Bucky keeping her upright, knew it was Bucky flipping her onto her back in the blink of an eye. They stayed eye level with her pussy, staring in awe at the thick stream that was oozing from her entrance.
“You’re so fucking wet, oh, my god.” They couldn’t help themselves, leaning in for another taste even as she clamped her thighs. “Okay,” they panted, “Okay, okay, okay.”
Crawling up her body, they left slick kisses in a trail straight to her mouth, humming in response to her moan when she tasted herself soaked into Bucky’s skin. They dropped onto their side, pulling her with them to hold onto her as she tried through choked swallows to catch her breath. She could barely kiss back, just pecking at first until her soul started creeping back into her body and she was able to cling onto Bucky and slot her lips into theirs. Slow again, after the world had spun so fast she thought she’d fly off of it.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nodded dazedly.
“Can I put a plug in your ass?” At her groan, Bucky tried, “You seemed into it on the couch, I just thought I’d ask.”
“Yes,” she strained, “Yes, you can- Yes, just yes.”
Sliding back from her carefully, Bucky stepped to the dresser at the end of their bed, digging through the bottom drawer for just what they needed. “Just a little one, okay?”
Nodding, she looked down to watch the woman approaching her again, bottle of lube and bright yellow plug in hand.
“Can you get back on your knees for me, sweetheart?”
She wasn’t sure at first, took her time rising back up. But she was half slumped onto the mattress anyway, face in Bucky’s pillow and knees knocked together to shield her aching core.
“Good girl,” Bucky cooed, lining the pointed tip up at her tight entrance after getting it soaked in lube. She clenched under the touch, hips pushing back on their own. “That’s it, nice and slow...” They draped over her back as they pushed in slowly, cooing into her ear as she took it. Their hips nudged against their hand, thrusting the plug in and out shallowly a few times before really pushing forward. She nearly sobbed under them. “Yeah, suck it in... There you go, baby.”
Her hands were fisted in the sheets, thighs once again squeezing together as tight as they could under the constant pressure inside her. Bucky shushed her gently as they rolled her onto her side again, wiping their hands off with a wet wipe before joining her. She burrowed into their arms, wrapping her own around their shoulders.
“Feel good?”
“Mhm,” she nodded, returning their kisses.
Hands grabbed at her back, at every inch of skin they could reach, falling to her ass to force her against the thigh that had slipped between hers. Bucky watched as she let her head fall back, lips parted in a constant stream of moans and pants, eyes nearly unfocused, and brows no longer even knitted after so much pleasure had strung them together they snapped.
“You’re so beautiful,” Bucky breathed, feeling her smear across their thigh without layers of fabric between them.
“B-Bucky, please...”
It made them push her onto her back again, legs forcing hers into the positions they needed to be in so Bucky could mount her and grind them together where they needed it most.
“God, yes!”
Bare, silken flesh slid against a downy of deep brown, Bucky lifting her leg up and onto their shoulder with a lingering kiss to her calf. They thrusted down into her, watching as she gripped at the sheets to no relief, hands growing frantic for something to cling to. They found her own breasts, squeezing at them and massaging the aching peaks atop them. Bucky was in awe, mouth parted and little breathy grunts leaving it.
Until they couldn’t take it anymore. If they weren’t inside her within the minute, something inside them was going to break.
She squinted through bleary eyes when the friction was gone from her, core clenching around nothing but causing the plug to push deeper and make her whimper. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she watched Bucky get their strap secured around their thighs and hips, cock already secured to it.
“Good?” they asked, giving it a stroke with their metal fist. She nodded dumbly, stuck just staring. “Just enough that you can feel it, right, sweetheart?”
Her cheeks were ablaze, knowing they caught her slip-up before painting her face, knowing they were holding onto it for this exact moment. Knowing she had said it didn’t have to be too big, when the cock staring at her didn’t fit that bill at all.
“I’ve got smaller ones, if you want,” they offered softly, coming to stroke at her cheek.
“No,” she shook her head, still staring. “I want it.”
“Yeah?” Bucky crawled onto the bed when she nodded, pushing her legs up as they went until they were bent beautifully and her toes were curling in anticipation. They dropped down then, hovering a breath away to stare into her eyes up close. “You want my cock, sweetheart?”
“Yes, please. Want it so bad, Bucky.”
“I know you do,” they cooed, dropping to kiss at her cheek. “You wanted it the second you saw me in line, huh?”
Fuck, she was so caught. In every way possible, Bucky had caught her.
“You looked so cute standing there all quiet and shy.” A kiss to her other cheek. “So polite. Saying please over and over, thanking me for every little thing. Such good manners, such a good little girl for me.”
“Y-yes, Bucky,” she whined, feeling the plug move back and forth with each clench of her muscles. They went taut when something began poking at her slit.
“Get me all wet for you, baby,” Bucky purred, staring down at how she made the head of their cock glisten with a simple pass through her. “That’s it...”
The head slipped in, making her eyes roll back before it was pulled away again. “Please, please, I need it so, so bad.”
“I know you do.” Again it went in. And out. “You’re gonna tell me if it’s too much, right? If the plug gets uncomfortable or you’re too full, right?”
“Yes, yes, I-I’ll tell you.”
“Promise?” Bucky drawled.
“Yes, I promise!”
“Good girl.”
Then it went in again. It kept going in. Until she thought there was no more left, and then it went some more.
“Oh, my god,” she gasped, wheezed, forced out through a slack jaw.
Bucky stared down at her, biting their lip at the sight of her coming undone beneath them. The best feeling in the world, made even better by the fact that it was her. Her, who Bucky had only known for a matter of collective hours. Fuck, they were done for.
It started slow, deep, focused thrusts to ease her open and get the toy drenched in her. A curling long lingering in her stomach started to twist again, hands finding the backs of her thighs as Bucky watched her open up for them. Their eyes quickly went to hers when they started a pace. Experimental at first, testing each push in to see how it made her face twitch. When she sucked in a breath, they knew they had her.
Fists planted on either side of her waist, a rhythmic, quiet clapping beginning to sound between them. Her hands once again tried to find something to cling to, coming upon firm muscle and solid metal that she tugged on until Bucky gave in and dropped even closer to her. Once their lips touched, that was it. Quiet clapping turned to thunderous slaps, the tape still plastered to Bucky’s chest brushing against her stiff nipples, making her arch up into the friction. Fingers found their way to her mouth, pushing in easily through her endless moans. She sucked them on instinct, still continuing to moan around them as Bucky stared down at her.
“Like being stuffed in every hole, princess? Hm? Like showing me what a good girl you are?”
She nodded, unable to voice her confirmation. Bucky’s fingers played around her tongue, cock stroking at her sweet spot just right to have her gasping around the digits.
It gave Bucky a mark to hit every time, arms winding around their neck to claw at their back and tug at their hair. They pulled from her mouth to hear her beg mindlessly. And so a fist could run down to press into her lower stomach.
“That’s it, baby, cum. Cum on my cock like a good little girl.” She moaned from the very bottom of her chest, body trying to curl and protect itself from the force of what was coming. “Come on, baby, come on. Gimme what I want, soak my fuckin’ cock.”
Fireworks burst across her eyelids, ears ringing for a split second before a rush came over them. She was so full, so unbelievable full, babbling incoherently to be even fuller.
“Please, Bucky, please, please, please. Oh, my g- oh, my god, please! Fuck, please!”
“Give it to me,” they sneered, fucking into her deep enough to knock the wind from her each time.
“Fu- ah- fuck,” she sobbed, feeling everything in her snap and burst into a million different sparks that lit fires all across her. First in her core, rushing immediately into her stomach and thighs until it had traveled all over and she was squeezing her thighs hopelessly around the wall of muscle between them.
“Oh, yeah,” Bucky goaded, “Soak my bed, baby, that’s it.”
Fuck, she was. The hot rush of it pooling over her ass and splash of it against Bucky’s relentless hips bouncing onto her stomach.
“Oh, my god!”
Bucky was determined. To kill her or give her pleasure like she’d never known, she wasn’t sure there was any difference at that point. Not when strong hands were suddenly grabbing for her and shoving her onto her knees, holding her up when she began to fall. Their cock sank back into her, solid chest over her soaked back as they forced a hand between her cinched thighs.
“Please, Bucky, I- fuck! I can’t, I can’t, I can’t-”
“Mm, I think you can, princess.”
Their hips hit against the base of the plug with each thrust, effectively fucking her in both holes and causing her to scream into the dimly lit bedroom. Christ, their neighbors, their fucking neighbors...
“Let them hear,” Bucky panted, “Let them hear how good I fuck you.”
Had she said it out loud? Whatever, it didn’t matter. Bucky had either heard her or read her mind, and she didn’t know which one was more humiliating. Which one made her walls flutter more.
The hand between her thighs was stiff, fighting against every ounce of strength she had in her legs to keep it out. It still managed to get to her clit, circling the raw nerves until she felt hot tears spilling over her cheeks.
“Fucking... please!” she gritted, teeth grinding to an almost painful degree.
“Please what?”
She didn’t even know, gave up trying to figure out. Every pound of the hips behind hers set off sparks in her that she couldn’t discern were pain or pleasure. It was this raw kind of feeling... Overstimulation, maybe. Metal fingertips tweaking at her nipple making her tug at the sheets so hard the fitted one snapped free.
Another empty plea was about to rip its way out of her throat when suddenly something white was right in her face, blue eyes staring at her as a meow broke through the cacophony of debauchery.
“Shit!” Bucky hissed, stilling their hips and prying off of her back. Still buried to the hilt. “Fuck, what time is it?”
She was useless, gasping into the sheets she was finally able to collapse into.
“I’m so sorry, are you alright?”
She barely managed to swallow, voice taking a few tries before she squeaked out, “Yeah.”
“Are you sure?” Lips landed between her shoulder blades, hands soothing over her hips. She only nodded, nothing left in her to do much else. “Let me just feed her real quick, I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“How...” Oh, it was pointless.
Bucky chuckled, “It’s almost seven already.”
Seven fucking hours. Literally.
“I’ll be right back, sweetheart. Hold still...”
She did, no choice but to do exactly that, as Bucky slowly pulled out of her and placed another kiss at the base of her spine. Then the bed shook a few times, footsteps sounding alongside eager paws.
“Why would you do that?” She heard Bucky ask playfully. “Why would you interrupt your daddy like that, huh? Were you starving? C’mon, Pinocchio, let’s eat.”
It was a miracle she could wheeze out a laugh, the sound of water running and excited meows coming from the kitchen making her smile weakly. Her hips had collapsed without Bucky’s support, a shaky hand reaching back to try and grip onto the base of the plug. There wasn’t even enough strength in her fingers to grab onto it. So she just laid there, heart hammering and breath ever so slowly leveling to something akin to normal. Her eyes shut on their own, body melting further and further into the mattress until she heard a door close.
“Here, baby,” Bucky offered, sitting on the bed beside her limp form to pull her onto her side and up enough to take the water in their other hand. “There you go, easy.”
She gulped at it, more desperate for it than she realized, nearly taking the entire glass down before the sight in front of her made her snort into it and choke as a result.
“What?” Bucky fretted, patting her back as she coughed between laughs.
“S-sorry,” she sputtered, “Just... You wearing that while feeding your cat is fucking crazy.”
Following her gaze, Bucky looked down to the strap still around their hips and the toy still connected to it, glistening with a layer of clear arousal and streaks of milky white. They busted out laughing, too.
“I was in fight or flight, fucking cat scared the shit out of me.”
“I wouldn’t even recognize being scared in that moment if I had been.”
“Yeah?” Bucky smirked, setting the empty glass on their nightstand when she finished off its contents, droplet of water rolling down her chin. “Why, something happen then, or...?”
She snorted, flopping back down onto the bed. Her face turned into the pillow. “How have we been fucking for seven hours?”
“It was more like five or so,” Bucky countered, unashamed as they reached out to squeeze at her thigh and ass.
“Take that out, please,” she breathed.
“Uncomfortable?”
“No, just...” Her thought died, metal fingers slipping between her cheeks to push at the plug.
“Then why take it out? You’re not tapping out, are you?”
One eye emerged from the pillow, locking onto Bucky with a warning that quickly became a plea as the plug prodded deeper with each push.
“One more,” Bucky bargained, “One more before you go.”
Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, eyes going hooded under the dull tease of pressure from through her inner wall. “Yes, please.”
Bucky let her stay just as she was, hips flat to the mattress and torso angled slightly back at them. They sank back in easily, both of them moaning airily. A hand pressed into hers, fingers slotting together as metal snaked under her to hold her close. It was too much. The overstimulation back, the heat of Bucky’s chest blanketing her, the way they began to pepper kisses across her shoulder and cheek as they murmured to her about how beautiful she was.
The first tear was falling before she could even feel it form, a stunted sob following it.
“Sh,” Bucky cooed, biting back their own surge of emotion. “Sh, baby, just feel me. Be here with me.”
She nodded, breaking her hand from their grasp to twist her wrist so they were palm to palm. Another kiss fell on her cheek, lips dragging down to the corner of her mouth. Hips bounced off of her ass, once again targeting the spot inside her that had her seeing stars. She moaned, no longer trying to fight the spell Bucky had over her body.
Bucky panted through the thin space between their lips and her skin, staring down at the way tears dripped off her lashes and onto their pillow. The base of their cock was nudging at their clit with each thrust, pulling quiet moans from them just as they did her.
“Please...” That time she knew what she was asking for, squeezing her eyes in hopes it would be true when she opened them.
“I know, baby,” Bucky sighed, “I know.”
Faster, the creak of the bed finally audible without her screams. Her lips fell open, moan catching on the emotion that had welled in the back of her throat. Just as messy and desperate as their joining. Bucky’s hand squeezing hers prompted her to do the same, other burning across sheets to find the silver fingers under her.
“Cum for me, baby. Please.”
She clenched her stomach, chasing the feeling of rough knuckles digging into her. It worked, or maybe the memory worked, ripping a moan from her as she began to spasm helplessly.
Bucky held onto her, eyes trained on her as a rupture started in their own core. It drove them to pound down into her harder, prolonging both of their releases until neither one of them could make any sound more than a weak groan. And Bucky kept going even then, savoring the way she seized up under them and tugged at their hands.
“Fuck, Bucky, fuck...” It was so good, so painfully good, had her feeling more wet heat pool beneath her hips and sated enough not to care.
“That’s my girl... That’s my girl.”
Not a good girl, not a sweet girl or a pretty girl. Simply theirs.
“Yours,” she whined, still feeling the aftershocks shooting throughout her as hips finally stilled against her own.
“You’re so perfect,” Bucky hummed, capturing her lips through unsteady breaths.
She tried to twist into them more, stopped by the ache in her limbs and the hold on her body. Bucky listened to her squeak of frustration and sought to fix it, pulling their hips back to slip from her and fall down gently in front of her. They both just laid there, holding one another and catching their breath, her fingers dancing over Bucky’s cheeks and nose, down to the little dimple in their chin. Bucky did the same with their eyes, fingers too preoccupied writing out words on her back that they hoped she couldn’t decipher.
When they saw tears starting to reform in her eyes, they smiled sadly. “I know,” they whispered, “It’s okay. It’s a lot your first time.”
“Fuck you,” she snorted between sniffles.
Bucky gave her a squeeze.
She shook her head, not believing that it was over, pushing forward to capture the lips she was sure she’d crave the rest of her life. Maybe she got a little dramatic after... um... five... No, six! Six? Whatever number of orgasm. Bucky had just wrecked her nervous system in the best possible way, that was all.
They held each other another hour until Bucky crawled out of the bed to bring her more water and at least two damp cloths. She didn’t count, taking slow, even sips from her glass as Bucky finally pulled the plug from her and cleaned her up. Surely, she still looked a mess, nothing but maybe a bottle of micellar water able to possibly rid her of the evidence of what she’d gotten up to before stepping back into her friend’s apartment. Maybe a gallon.
Bucky dressed first, wetting their fingers and running them through their hair before they went to help her back into her clothes. They eased her panties up slowly, placing them over her gently. And the same with her bloomers. Her blouse, her socks, her boots that Bucky laced up and tied off with secure double knots. She felt like a princess, eyes fluttering when lips pressed to her forehead.
“Ready?”
“Yeah,” she lied, clutching the sea lion to her chest.
Bucky took the train with her, making sure she got where she was going. They were just outside her friend’s building, staring at one another, neither of them wanting to say it.
“Text me when you leave tomorrow,” they ordered, “And when the plane lands and everything.”
“Okay.”
More staring. Finally Bucky sighed and grabbed her face. Her own hand went to their waist, trying to memorize the feel of firm yet soft flesh under it. Bucky’s dropped to her hips, squeezing them in a claim and a promise. She brought her arms up to link around Bucky’s neck, squishing the sea lion in the process. Her fingers went up into their hair, twirling the soft strands and tracing down to their nape where they let out a happy hum.
“I like that,” they murmured.
“I know.”
So she did it again, teasing her tongue over Bucky’s lips like they’d done so much to her.
Just stay. She could just stay.
She couldn’t.
“Hope this place has an elevator.”
She snorted at the comment, accepting that it was happening. “I’d be sleeping in the lobby if it didn’t. No way I’d make it up stairs, I barely got up and down the subway with you basically carrying me.”
“You’ll sleep like a rock,” Bucky grinned, tracing her cheek with their thumb then their knuckles.
“I’ll come back,” she whispered, trying to convince herself maybe more than Bucky.
“I’ll be here.”
One more kiss. One more. One more.
She waved shyly from the door to the building and again at the one inside it. Once more just before she disappeared around a corner.
And Bucky went home, walked home, going through the rest of their smokes and into a bodega to get more. They stood in their doorway a moment after walking in, slumped down on their couch where a throw pillow was still on the floor and her scent was lingering in the cushions. Their phone buzzed against their thigh.
It was a link to a reel, dumbass sea lion popping up on their screen when they clicked it. They chuckled at it, smile lingering but eventually falling.
Two Months Later
Her mother had grown curious about her sudden demeanor, the way she laughed at her phone more often and hid away in her room more than usual. She managed to play it off like she’d found some new game to keep her occupied, but more than a few times she caught the skeptical look on her mother’s face. But then she could curl under the covers and talk about the new manhwa that’d just come out, or zoom in on the reflection in a little white cat’s eyes to catch its owner faintly within them. And everything just seemed so simple.
Six Months Later
She didn’t blame either of them. It was just distance and maybe some kind of resentment that left their text thread dry. She was too much of a coward for phone calls, petrified that somehow just the sound of Bucky’s voice would give them away. And there were only so many things to talk about in a day. But it stung as she scrolled through the little bubbles, all the way up until the link to a comic was the only thing left.
Humiliation kept her from sending anything more. She didn’t think about what had stopped Bucky.
Eleven Months Later
That ache was killing her, ripping her apart from the inside out. She turned to apps and bars a town over, chasing after this feeling that never came. Not with a date, not with a kiss, not with wandering hands in the backseats of old Subarus. She was just crushed under the weight of loss and dread that somehow, someway, someone was going to find out about where she’d been going in pursuit of the fleeting happiness she felt for only a few hours.
One Year Later
Cheeks stained with tears and a looming awkwardness in her house, she looked through classified listings, searching for one that she knew wasn’t buried in the sea of ads.
Two Years Later
It wasn’t quite suffocating, but just shy of it. The sway of the train spiking her nerves further as she texted with her friend. She’d gotten on the wrong one, not used to the system yet even after being there well over a month. What was supposed to take her over to Grand Central, and right by her friend, had instead taken her down into Williamsburg. A bead of sweat ran down her neck from nothing more than anxiety alone.
She swayed as the train came to a stop, still staring down at her phone as her friend tried to guide her through getting on the right one through spotty service and frantic texts. She wasn’t looking, yelped when she crashed into a solid build trying to step out onto the platform. Her phone was knocked out of her hands, falling at the pair of combat boots in front of her own Mary Janes.
“Sorry!” she squeaked, bending down to pick up her cell but stopping when the other person beat her to it.
Following them as they rose back to their full height, she found herself frozen, eyes blown wide as they stared at crystalline ones and chestnut tresses that were the tiniest bit shorter than she remembered. Bucky did the same, looking over her outfit and the hints of pink, purple, and blue that were carefully placed throughout it. They looked back up to her face after a moment, holding out her phone for her to take.
She did so wordlessly, not caring to check for cracks.
A small smile threatened to pull at Bucky’s lips. “Hey,” they croaked.
She didn’t fight hers or the sting that was starting in her eyes. “Hi.”
pairing: bucky barnes x female reader
chapter summary: bucky has some visitors
chapter warnings and contents: heavy angst, implied/referenced sexual assault, ptsd, nightmares, menstruation, blood
word count: ~10,000
author’s note: your second distance bonus fact is that i originally gave bucky his comic brown eyes, but changed it at the last minute :) so i almost bought him brown contacts pls i’m literally shaking. also jumpscare: no more lapslock in the fic itself :o
! PLEASE READ AND HEED THE WARNINGS !
18+ only - do not repost - minors and ai dni - thank u
read more of ‘distance’
Again.
The hiss of frozen steam rushing out around him. Another careful recitation of his orders before he was even fully thawed.
Again.
The face underneath him contorting with pain, tears welling as he was instructed to keep going.
Again.
Again.
Again.
The sob on his lips was half choked, gasped into the darkness as he sat up.
Again, he had found himself waking from a nightmare that was equal parts his memory and his present.
And when he wiped the sweat from his forehead and reached to find the subject of his terror, to confirm that she was peaceful and safe beside him, the only thing he found was a scrunched comforter and a dark patch in her sheets at about waist-high.
Bucky’s blood went cold, his feet catching in the bedding when he tried to flee and causing him to stumble out and onto the carpet. It stung under his palm, at the heels of his feet where they scrambled to push him up against the wall. He felt his lips moving but couldn’t hear his own voice as his heart began thudding in his ears. There was a prick of nerves in his soles when he tried to stand, like the kind that happened when the earth slipped out from under them too quickly. It seared up his legs and straight into his spine, his back skidding across wood paneling until he was close enough to the door to fall out of it if he turned.
“Shit! You scared me!”
On instinct, he had reached out to grab for what he’d run into, sweaty palm latched onto the sleeve of a sweatshirt that felt familiar.
“I tried not to wake you.”
The ringing in his ears was beginning to fade, vision slowly focusing back in just in time to see the woman before him go almost sheepish under his gaze.
“Sorry, I... I-I can’t predict it well, it’s not... consistent.”
Hold tightening and brows furrowing, he looked her over. Only briefly, only enough to make sure she was really standing before him on her own two feet.
“I know it’s sort of gross, I’m gonna change the sheets now that you’re awake, but it might have gone through to the mattress.”
“Are you hurt?” he hissed, “Did... did I...”
His initial question had already caused her to look at him curiously, the way his voice trailed off into nothingness making her finally take in the way his skin was more than glistening with sweat. He was drenched, hair stuck to his face where it was flushed a splotchy crimson.
“Are you alright?”
“Are you hurt?” he strained, clinging to her tighter and yet taking a step back.
Her head shook, hand that wasn’t holding a damp cloth coming to wrap around his elbow. “No, Bucky, I’m fine. I mean, the cramps were bad enough to wake me up, but I’m not... I’m not hurt.”
“Cramps?” he fretted.
“Yeah...” When her embarrassed confusion didn’t erase the worried confusion on his face, she motioned vaguely to her lower half, drawing his gaze down to her change of underwear. “Cramps.”
It took Bucky two, three, four blinks of his eyes to finally see her panties were gone, in their place, a pair of boxer briefs not dissimilar to his own. And then it dawned on him. The blood on her sheets, the awkward explanations, cramps, new underwear.
“Christ,” he heaved, lips quivering before he clamped them shut to swallow harshly. His hand fell away from her, pressing to his forehead and wiping at his damp strands. “Of course, yeah. Sorry, I- I’m a fucking idiot.”
“No, you’re not.” A moment passed. “You are soaking wet, though. Are you alright?”
Tentatively finding her gaze, he nodded and forced himself to swallow again. “Yeah, just... bad dream again.”
Her fingers danced at his forearm, only moving to wrap around his wrist when he didn’t flinch away. “I’m sorry.”
Yeah. He was, too.
In the silence, she tried to lighten the mood hanging heavy in the air. “Well, now you’ve really seen it all. Dirty sheets and men’s boxers.”
Bucky forced the corner of his mouth into a smile, meeting her gaze again to try and sell it to her. He could tell she wasn’t buying it by the way her thumb began to soothe across the back of his hand. “I’m alright,” he sighed, sensing her skepticism before she could voice it. “Really. Just need a minute.”
With a nod, she squeezed his hand and stepped around him to start stripping the bed.
It was almost painful how tightly he clamped his eyes shut, the action making him dizzy once he opened them again. He was still trying to shake off the hum of anxiety that had buzzed him awake. It was beginning to twist into something heavier, something that almost made him crumble to the floor. But he was determined to push through it, lugging himself over to her bed where she was separating out the stained sheets.
“It’s okay, I got it.”
“It’s fine,” he shrugged, “It’s just... blood.”
She was quiet after he said it, still hesitating to let him take the sheets from her hold.
“Want them in the wash?”
She took a step forward. “I can do it, Bucky, really. I’ve gotta rinse them out first, just- I’ll do it.”
Bucky shook his head. “I’ll bring ’em in there and grab new ones. Do what you gotta do here.” His chin jutted toward her mattress and the few drops that had seeped into it.
Reluctantly, she let him walk out with the wad of sheets, skin ready to melt off her face before she forced herself to turn to the bed again.
Her bathroom light was already on when he stepped into the hall, door wide open and leaving the familiar pair of panties on her sink on display. His eyes were boring into them as he set the sheets down on the vanity beside them, damp from where she’d rinsed them, but still painted a pale crimson. All he could see was her face, the version of it contorted with pain instead of pleasure, the tears that had spilled past her lashes from the same.
He was falling forward before he could stop himself, hand reaching for the counter at the last second. The ringing was back, droning under the echo of a scream that he knew had been real at one point as he hunched and stared down at her soiled garments. They doubled, spinning around and fading in and out. And the next thing he knew, he was slamming backwards into the corner of wall separating the linen closet and her shower, ass hitting the floor with a heavy thud.
The sound made her jump from where she was scrubbing at her mattress, a call of his name falling from her lips reflexively. She didn’t wait for a response before running to him.
“What happened?!” she cried, dropping to her knees beside him and cupping the back of his head to feel for blood. His hair was so wet from sweat, she had to pull her hold away and check it under the light, nothing but a clear sheen on it. Before her opposite hand could make it to his cheek, he took hold of it, grabbing at it for dear life as he curled into her with a sob. Again, she tried, “What’s wrong?! What happened?”
“I’m sorry,” he whimpered through his shaky cries, trying to bury himself in the small crook of her neck.
Her arms were around him in a breath, pulling him in to try and appease how desperately he seemed to want to push into her. “It’s okay,” she cooed, “It’s okay, I’m here.”
When his sobs only grew louder, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning back to try and look at him, try and find an answer for what she could do in the frenzy of his gaze. It was locked over her shoulder, her neck nearly snapping as she looked in its direction. Her sheets. More specifically, the blood stain on them. Keeping one arm secure around him, she reached back to push them out into the hall and shut the door behind them.
“Bucky, look at me.”
It took her hands forcefully guiding their foreheads together, nowhere for his eyes to look but at hers. When they met, she felt her own beginning to sting at the sight of his so glassy and terrified.
“I didn’t- they- I couldn’t stop it! I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t... God, forgive me!”
The rawness in his voice, the way he shrunk back into her midway through his babbling, stunned her in place. She couldn’t move for the first few moments after, eyes set on a random place in her bathroom, wide and unmoving. It wasn’t until a particularly wet and pained sob left him that she snapped back together, her arms locking around him once more to try and stitch him back up the same.
“Sh, I’m here.” Because she couldn’t think of anything else to say in an attempt to soothe him. “I’m here.”
Each breath was a gasp as Bucky continued to heave, his eyes useless behind the wall of tears even if he dared to open them. He could feel her sweatshirt growing damp beneath his face, couldn’t find the strength to pry himself off of it. Her hold on him wasn’t enough. It was too much. He reached around to grab onto her back, palm instinctively pushing under her clothes to get to bare skin.
“Breathe, Bucky.”
She was warmer than usual, didn’t flinch when his fingertips dug into her flesh in a wave of tension that permeated throughout his body.
“In... and out.”
Her ribs expanded and retracted under his hold a few times before he could feel his own trying to match their pace. It was shaky at first, nothing more than puttering and hiccups that barely took in air. A slight pressure at his back coaxed it into a shallower rhythm, her hand pushing and releasing from him to mimic his lungs.
“There. It’s over. It’s over.”
The bathroom light was harsh against his eyes when they opened, wet lashes fluttering a few times before he adjusted. In the wake of adrenaline and anxiety, the layer of sweat on him grew sticky, a second skin that sat over his own like a weighted reminder. It was uncomfortable, but not enough for him to try and pull away from her touch.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped into her neck, voice foreign to his own ears after his cries.
He could feel her head shake, the hand that had guided him through his heaving staying put while the other sought out his cheek. It loosened him from his place atop her shoulder, fingertips prying his hair off of his cheek to tuck behind his ear. His eyes were still afraid to meet hers, the visions of them in his mind still fresh, still real enough for him to fear finding them before him.
“Was I in it again?”
Guilt winding its way through his features, he nodded, swallowing down the thorns in his throat.
“It was just a dream,” she stressed, “I’m here. I’m safe. You didn’t hurt me.”
Not yet.
Her thumb coming to wipe under his eye caused him to list into the touch, a hitch in his breath making his brows to furrow with embarrassment when she rested her palm on his cheek just how he wanted.
He looked so pitiful under her hold, small and meek despite his broad and powerful frame. Remnants of tears and a bit of snot still clung to his face, lips beginning to dry out as he breathed through them. Even with all his enhancements, he could still crumble, could still find himself stuffed up after a body-wracking cry.
“I’m sorry,” he echoed.
In place of a head shake, she leaned in, lingering close to make sure he wouldn’t pull away. When he didn’t, she closed the distance and planted her lips to his forehead, feeling his hand shift to fist in her sweatshirt. They lingered there, collecting salt from his skin, until she felt him melt slightly in her grasp.
“What do you need?”
He needed the last twenty years back. He needed his mind to not be so plagued with visions of actions carried out by his own hands but not by his own will. He needed to not want to shrink out of existence every time his eyes met hers and there was nothing but understanding behind her gaze. He needed to feel worthy of having it fall on him at all.
“I-I don’t know...”
She trailed her eyes over him again, taking in the twitch to his brows and the way his lips still trembled slightly. A bead of sweat ran down from behind his ear, slowing as it approached his chest and got lost in his skin.
“Maybe a shower would feel good,” she suggested.
Bucky sat a moment longer, not necessarily wanting to break from her embrace, but with each passing second his skin grew clammier under the stagnant air of the bathroom. So he nodded, and nodded again when she pressed him for confirmation. He let her shuffle around him to turn the faucet on, pipes groaning when she switched it to the shower head. The end of her sleeve was wet when she pulled her arm back through the curtain and wiped her hand on her chest.
“Want me to get in with you?”
Shaking his head, Bucky swallowed thickly in anticipation of standing again. When she pushed herself back onto her haunches, he finally looked up at her face. It was even and patient, a small smile pulling at her features as she waited. Her gasp was barely audible over the hiss of the water when he pushed in to kiss her. Nothing more than a press of their lips, motionless yet weighted, full of things he was too afraid and unprepared to say. Her hands came to rest on his shoulders, fingers featherlight where they skimmed across his skin to his neck.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed, their lips still touching.
“Bucky,” she sighed, nuzzling their noses.
His throat felt raw again when he swallowed. “I know.”
Moving her hands up to press her thumbs into his jaw, she guided his head back from hers enough for them to lock eyes. “Come on, let’s get you in the shower.” Everything else could wait.
She was careful to hold his gaze as she let her hands fall, one taking his to help him to his feet with her. He was still as sturdy as ever when he did, muscle not failing him when he needed it despite the weakness in his eyes. Like that of a nervous animal. It made her all the more determined to make sure he never so much as even tried to look over his shoulder to where her panties were still draped over the edge of the sink.
“Too warm?” she asked, moving their hands through the curtain and under the stream.
“No, it’s fine.”
Nodding, she let go of his hand to let him shove his boxers from his hips. And under the cover of him stepping into the tub, she snatched her garment off the sink and balled it tightly in her fist. “I’ll finish making the bed,” she spoke through the small gap in the curtain, his eyes peering through it. “Take your time, okay? I’ll be right outside if you need anything.”
The urge to apologize again sat thickly at the back of his throat, barely managing to be swallowed down.
He waited until he heard her step out into the hall, bathroom door left cracked, before he sunk down onto the floor of the tub. His shoulders slumped and head bowed, he let the water rush over him and pour onto his face, taking the remnants of tears and anything else with it. He didn’t let himself soak in it too long, not wanting to waste her water like he would his own, and reached for her shampoo once his eyes were wiped clear.
Before he brought it to his head, he held it for a moment, thumb running over the corner of the label where it was peeling slightly. It moved up to the cap, pressing in to pop it open as he brought it to his nose. A wash of memories fell over him. Good ones. Ones of her on his porch as the wind picked up. Of her on her own porch and his face digging into his pillow in search of her. They were perfect and innocent, everything he wasn’t, and the contrast made fresh tears begin to sting at his eyes. For one reason or another, they burned more than his last.
Her bottom lip was raw, her tongue pulling copper into her mouth more than a few times when she licked at it. But she couldn’t stop picking at skin that didn’t want to be peeled off, eyes staring into the aged linoleum of her kitchen as the washing machine thudded quietly. She’d heard the shower cut off a few minutes ago, stuck waiting for another sound of movement from him to figure out her next move.
It came when the floor just outside the bathroom popped like it always did, her eyes shooting up to wait for him to turn the corner. She almost laughed affectionately when he did. Just this mountain of a man, sopping wet and pitiful, holding up the pink towel around his hips in a tight fist.
“Here,” she cooed, padding over to grab the boxers and sweatshirt that had found their way from his dresser to hers somewhere throughout the week.
He moved in a way that was almost clinical, unashamed to shed the towel in the middle of the hall. Which, she supposed he had no reason to be shy, but it was a little unnerving how silent he was as he moved. She took the towel from where he’d set it on the small counter beside her dryer, holding it open in offering to dry him off. He stepped into it with his eyes still cast down to the floor, his shoulders stiff when she began patting him off.
“Wait here a second,” she said before slipping into her bathroom to retrieve a comb.
He was still in the same spot when she stepped back out, pliant when she took his hand to guide him onto her dining chair. With the towel around his shoulders, she combed through his hair carefully, watching the excess water trickle off the ends and into the cotton beneath them.
“There.”
Bucky felt like a child, like he was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet in his childhood bathroom, his mother brushing through his hair as if it wouldn’t be sticking up in eight different directions come morning. He guessed maybe it was his fault when he remained silent that his sweatshirt was being held open and offered out to him like a child, too. But he slipped his arm in regardless, the other sleeve already pulled inside so it wouldn’t bother him. It smelled like her detergent and somehow felt softer than he remembered.
“Better?” she asked, smiling softly at him when he looked up from the guidance of her palm under his chin. His beard tickled at her skin as he nodded. “Good. Here...”
He watched her as she shuffled around, grabbing a glass from the cabinet beside the sink and filling it with ice and water. It was a sweet gesture just like all the others that night, her hand rubbing at his back as he drank the chilled water. But he couldn’t stop from thinking that she shouldn’t have to be making it. Was this just their new routine? Was this how she was doomed to spend her nights and mornings? Waking to him in a panic and having to soothe and care for him like a frightened child? Use up the kindness in her heart piecing him back together and bankrupting herself for the rest of the day? She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve any of it.
“Sorry,” he whispered around the rim of the glass. And before she could chide him, “For making you do all this in the middle of the night.”
“I would have been up anyway.”
He winced slightly at the way she shrugged off his inconvenience, hiding it behind another sip.
The washing machine finishing pulled her away, metal clicking and thudding as she switched everything over to the dryer.
“Bed is made,” she tried as she stepped back over to him. “If you wanna lay down again.”
A drop of water that his lip had missed ran down the side of the glass and into the knuckle of his thumb. “Yeah,” he nodded.
All his commotion hadn’t disturbed any of the cats, all of them still somewhere in her bedroom curled up and passed out.
“You shouldn’t be having to take care of me,” Bucky frowned as she pulled back her covers for him. “’Specially not when you’re...”
She laughed softly, just happy to hear him speak, see him sinking down into his pillow. “I’ll live. Not my first rodeo.”
“You’re in pain?” he asked, turning to face her.
“I took some ibuprofen before, I’ll be fine.”
Bucky nodded, holding in his sigh of relief at the feel of a fresh pillowcase on his cheek. He could feel her staring at him as his own eyes searched for something to latch onto. Not anything malicious or critical, just... observational. Maybe slightly sympathetic, but more like she had something she wanted to say. When he forced his gaze to hers, she reached out to push his hair back again.
“Can I touch you?”
“Yeah,” he breathed.
The sheets rustled as she slid through them, thankful when he adjusted with her so her arms could wind around his neck. He nuzzled quickly into her chest, arm digging under her to wrap around her waist. She’d changed sweatshirts after he sobbed into her other one, put on soft pajama pants to keep her comfortable and warm through the night. His fingertips ghosted over them before his palm gravitated to its favorite spot on her back, flush to her skin.
“Mm,” she hummed, “that feels good.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded, drawing meaningless patterns into his shoulder blades. “You’re warm.” His thumb started to stroke at her gently when she spoke. The ache of exhaustion pulled at her eyelids, tempting them to shut as she stared at the slats of her bedroom wall. It almost took her before she craned her neck down to kiss his hairline, still damp and smelling of her. “I feel safe with you, Bucky. I trust you.”
His eyes had already been shut, relieved after the strain they’d been under to find complete darkness in the crook of her neck. So the warmth of tears pooling in them felt good in a way, like the water had soothing over his raw throat. She fixed her head upright again, chin tucked onto his crown as his hand pushed into the base of her spine to draw her closer. He hiccuped an inhale, breathing it out slowly and evenly before he took in another.
Her words had blanketed him, not as though they had suddenly rid him of anxiety or doubt or hatred for himself, but as though he could get through the night with them wrapped around him and everything beyond that wasn’t his problem in that moment. So he let them cling to him, let her rub at his back until her hands went slack and her breathing grew deeper. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed to sleep through the night, to not wake them up again until the sun was high in the sky and they were both warm and boneless in its rays.
Someone must have heard him for once because the next thing he knew there was movement all around him and his eyelids were glowing red instead of pitch black. He still felt tired, the kind that was more in his head than his bones, but he was just thankful to not have sweat soaking through his clothes and into the sheets.
“What time is it?” he croaked, clearing his throat of sleep after hearing the quality of his voice.
“I don’t know, I can’t see the clock.”
Because she was still holding him. Not the same as she was when they fell asleep, her one hand was resting on his side from where she had leaned back from him slightly. His hand was still under her sweatshirt, knuckles brushing her skin where they had curled naturally in their lax state.
“Did you feed them?”
“I haven’t left you,” she said.
It prompted him to pull back from her chest a bit, just enough to squint down to see the three silhouettes sitting eagerly at their feet. Snorting, he retreated back to the warm safety of her.
“You were snoring so loud, I didn’t wanna disturb you.”
“‘Loud’?” he groaned, “You should have woken me up.”
The arm under him curled, squeezing him to her as she laughed breathily, “No, it wasn’t really that loud. And it was sweet. I was just happy you were sleeping, I wouldn’t have cared if you sounded like a bear.”
He was happy, too, wished the haze of waking up could last forever so his mind couldn’t wander back to the state he was in last night. It’d been years since someone else had seen him like that, not since he was at the clinic trying to get his head sorted out. He’d never even let Sam see him in such a state. The echo of his own frantic babbling on her bathroom floor was suddenly ringing in his ears.
“You can go back to sleep if you want, I’ll feed them.”
“No,” he sighed, “I’ll... I wanna get up.”
They did so slowly, working themselves first into sitting positions and petting their respective cats as they swarmed in to beg for breakfast. She cooed at him when Alpine came up close and used his chest as leverage to nudge his chin.
“Usually it’s her job to patch me up after a night like that.”
“You have a very noble job, your majesty.”
The cat in question let out a rumbly noise in acknowledgement, earning a chuckle from both of them.
Bucky remained in bed when she got up to head into the bathroom, his palm reaching out to smooth over the sheets where she had been laying. No stains, just the repeating print of dainty flowers and her leftover body heat.
Shoulder to shoulder they worked to serve up breakfast that was more early lunch, Bucky deciding to ask for help getting the can open instead of figuring out a way to do it without the setup in his own home. He asked about coffee as she wiped her counters down, agreeing to tea when she had nothing else to offer. She brought it over to him as he was sitting on her couch, fist clenched tight the more he began to replay the nightmare.
“Do you wanna tell me about it?” she asked quietly, fingers rubbing at the nape of his neck.
Bucky considered it a moment, a very, very brief moment. But with a turn of his head slightly away from her, shoulders curling to make himself smaller, he whimpered out, “No.”
He couldn’t see her nod, so she leaned closer to rest her chin on his shoulder.
She knew he was hurting, inflicting more pain on himself than his brain alone ever could. The desperation in his cries the night before had given her some insight to just how barbaric his nightmares truly must be, and it broke her apart from the inside out. Knowing she couldn’t do anything more than hold him, couldn’t force her reassurance to really permeate the wall of self-loathing he had put up... It was devastating. A degrading, helpless kind of feeling that brought her back to a place she found herself in so often when she was small. They were similar in that way, she supposed.
They sat there most of the day, drone of the television keeping the silence from consuming them. He let her pull him against her at some point, his back pressed to her chest so she could hold him and soothe her hands over his own chest. His body was a natural heating pad, his weight on her a welcome comfort. Each time she had to make her way to the bathroom, she returned with food that he mindlessly nibbled at. More than a few times, she heard soft snores leaving him, looking down to confirm that he had fallen into a shallow slumber.
Dinner was leftovers, eaten in their same spots on the couch. He melted back into the cushions afterwards, hand rubbing across his stomach as hers found his nape again. That well of nerves in her stomach was chased away when he leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek, nudging his nose against the flesh so she would meet his lips with hers.
“Thank you,” he whispered against them.
She only nodded, smoothing her hand across to his shoulder as she pecked at him again, other coming to cup his face gently.
Tires crunching over snow outside caught her attention but not so much as to pull her away from him until two car doors shut close enough for both of them to perk up. Her hand left his shoulder to pull at her blinds behind them, plastic parting to two men walking up to his porch.
“What the hell?”
“Who’s that?” she asked, looking back as Bucky stood up from the couch.
“M-my friend I always talk about...” His eyes fell to his legs. “Where are my jeans?”
Pushing herself up from the couch, she stepped around him and nodded, “On the rocker, hold on.”
Bucky’s hand was shaking as he looked out her storm door, an incredulous huff leaving his lips at the sight of Sam cupping his hands over his face where he was pressing it against the window, trying to peer into Bucky’s trailer when his knocks went unanswered.
“Here.”
It had never been so hard to get pants on than it was in that moment, his boots equally so.
She watched him practically sprint out of her house and porch, tucking herself closer to her dining table to try and stay somewhat hidden. Both men had turned when they heard doors shutting, one jumping down the few steps of Bucky’s porch to meet him in the snow. They latched onto each other, Bucky clearly gripping the other tightly, overjoyed to see him. A loud, playful laugh echoed through the park. It made her smile, even if there was a twinge of jealousy in her stomach.
At her feet, Alpine had come to investigate the commotion, white paws planted on the glass of the storm door, eyes wide and curious of the scene unfolding outside. She felt her own shoot open when Bucky suddenly turned to face her through the door, two other sets of eyes on her when he did.
“Let her out!” he called, “It’s alright.”
Trying not to make it too obvious that she was overthinking her pajamas, she stepped into her rain boots and pushed open her storm door before stepping out to do the same with her screen door. Alpine had run through both, hopping through the remainder of snow and up to the man at Bucky’s side who was eagerly waiting to scoop the cat up.
“There’s my favorite Barnes!” he laughed.
A smile had spread across her lips, faltering when she looked to Bucky and saw him already looking at her, waving her over once their eyes met. She shivered with a little more than winter chill.
“And you must be my second favorite Barnes’ favorite neighbor.”
Her laugh was shaky not unlike her hand when she took the one offered to her, name spilling off her lips with a glance Bucky’s way.
“Oh, I know. Sam Wilson.”
“I know,” she echoed, crossing her arms after he dropped her hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“And I know it’s all been good.”
“It has,” she smiled.
Bucky was eager to catch her eye again, his hand aching to reach out for her when he saw how shy she had gone. She hadn’t been so nervous when she met Becca, but he also hadn’t talked his sister up as much as Sam. He could almost roll his eyes thinking about what his friend would have to say if he knew that.
“And what about me?”
They all turned to the other man as he walked up to them, Bucky’s eyes actually rolling before they caught the shock on her face.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” John laughed, attempting to offer his hand out to her.
She didn’t take it at first, still staring at the man before her in bewilderment. Eventually, she snapped out of it, shaking her head and his hand at the same time. “No, no, I just... I recognize you, I- I used to see you on... tv and stuff.”
John shocked his friends by going almost shy, ashamed, his gaze falling away as he mumbled, “Yeah, well...”
Her eyes fled to Bucky’s, and he could read it on her face. That she was thinking about the times she’d seen John on tv, and thus was thinking about Bucky and where he was all those times. He tried his best to offer her a smile of reassurance, knew it came off more sad.
“You mind if we kidnap him?” Sam asked, looking between the two of them.
“No,” she said quickly, “No, of course not.”
Bucky was still staring at her, just her, willing her to understand. Her smile said she did, a coyness in it when he stepped closer. Things were heavy between them, wrinkled and desperate to be ironed out, but all he could do in the moment was let out a sigh and duck in for a kiss. Her hand found his, giving a reassuring squeeze.
Obnoxious whistling signaled him to pull away, his eyes opening to see her turning her head into her shoulder shyly.
“Alright, knock it off, assholes.” His friends laughed at him, but he was only focused on her, the way her eyes met his timidly. “We’ll talk later.” It was meant to be a promise, but sounded more like a question the longer it hung there.
“Always.”
More cooing from beside them. Bucky rolled his eyes and caused her to giggle.
“Okay,” he said.
“Okay,” she nodded. When she let go of his hand, she finally glanced to the other men. “Nice to meet you both.”
“Don’t do Walker any favors.”
“Ha ha,” John deadpanned.
She gave them a small laugh before turning back to her house, knowing Bucky’s eyes were on her until she disappeared behind her door.
“You dirty dog,” Sam grinned, scratching at Alpine’s chin.
Bucky let out a heavy breath as he turned to him. “Don’t start...”
“Yeah, yeah. Let our asses in this house before me and my niece freeze.”
It was... strange stepping into his home with company on his heels, Bucky glancing around his space to see the state he left it in. The usual disarray, but nothing offensive.
“About as lifeless and boring as I expected,” John noted, comfortable enough to flop himself onto the couch.
“Why the hell is he here?” Bucky grimaced, “Why are both of you here?”
Sam was already halfway to the bedroom, Bucky not far behind him, Alpine finally wiggling from his hold to run back into the living room. “Hm... Smells... manly.”
Bucky scoffed. “Why wouldn’t it?”
“So she doesn’t sleep over here?”
At his question, Bucky rolled his eyes, watching as his friend paced around looking for something to tease him over. He was quite confident the search would come up empty.
“What’s this?” Sam asked, plucking something off the nightstand.
“That’s-”
“I knew it!” With a tuck and roll across the mattress, Sam managed to dodge the hand flying out trying to take the cd from him, eyes scanning over it giddily. “Buck nasty!”
“Knock it off.”
“Whatta Man?” Sam beamed, glancing up to watch Bucky go sheepish. “And you’re comin’ outta her house?! I knew you two were bumpin’ uglies! You’re a dog, Buck.”
Taking advantage of how Sam focused back in on the cd, Bucky charged over and snatched it out of his hands, clutching it protectively to his chest. “I said knock it off.” Sam held his hands up in surrender. “What’s going on? You didn’t come all this way just to give me shit.”
The bed creaked as Sam dropped down on the end of it, his backpack shed from his shoulders and tossed onto the floor between his feet. “Wanted to check in before the big day, make sure you’re not having second thoughts.” He bent forward to dig through his bag. “And give you something. Other than shit, that is.”
Bucky rolled his eyes again, setting the cd on his bookcase beside his toy cars. When he turned back, Sam was back on his feet, holding out his palm. Bucky looked to it, frozen and breathless for a beat, his own hand hesitating before reaching out. The silver was dull between his fingers, lettering not as sharp as it had once been all those years ago.
“Joaquin pulled through,” Sam stated quietly.
A lump was forming in his throat as he stared at the name under his thumb. Steven G Rogers. Most likely all that was left of him. “Thank you.”
Sam watched as Bucky’s eyes grew shimmery and his face went sour. “There was nothing we could have done, Buck.”
Smiling sadly at him, Bucky nodded, “I know.” His fist closed around the metal tag as he turned again to lay it on his bookcase with the other items beginning to litter it. “It’s weird, you know. We only knew each other a couple years, but it felt like forever.”
“Time moved differently in there.”
“Yeah.”
“Use it as a good luck charm for Tuesday.”
Bucky laughed. “I will.”
“So you’re still going?”
“Yeah.”
“Good,” Sam grinned, throwing an arm around his friend and squeezing at his neck before they padded back out into the kitchen.
“Ow! Barnes, your cat is as hot and cold as you are!”
At John’s voice, Bucky groaned petulantly. He didn’t particularly want to encourage his cat to befriend John, but he also didn’t particularly want to deal with anymore hissing or whines from the blond. “Alpine, safe.” She jumped from where she was arching her back at John, moving to eye him from the coffee table instead. “Why exactly did he have to come?”
Retracting his hand from where he was offering it out, John looked over to the other two men with a sarcastic grin. “I’m the bad news.”
That had Bucky’s brows knitting, his eyes once again finding Sam and the somewhat guilty look on his face. It turned sympathetic as he pulled from his backpack again, this time producing a folder with several paperclips secured at the top of it.
“What do you make of this?”
Bucky glanced at him one more time before he took the folder, boot kicking out his dining chair so he could drop onto it and spread the contents of the folder out on his table.
The page on the inside was a bunch of jumbled information: chemical formulas he couldn’t read and coordinates for places that didn’t mean anything to him. They seemed to be scrawled down frantically, different lines and arrows connecting something from one side of the paper to the other. Bucky looked over them a few times, but couldn’t make sense of them no matter how long he studied them.
The opposite side of the folder had pictures, some clear and thick like they had been developed from film, others blurry and grouped together on another sheet of copy paper. Just buildings at first, hallways, rooms... More things Bucky didn’t recognize. Then white sheets lining a dark corridor that he realized were bodies when he looked closer. Lab rooms, hospital beds. One photograph of an industrial chair with thick metal restraints, broken and bent in all directions.
His fingers curled into a fist atop the folder, eyes shooting away quickly. “Where the hell did you get this?”
“Joaquin came through,” John echoed.
Bucky fixed his eyes on Sam, shooting up from his chair to bite, “What is this?!”
“I recognized that kind of chair. That’s what they had you in.”
Shaking his head, Bucky felt his heart begin to pound. Why would they show this to him? Why would they bring him a folder of nothing but bad memories and torment for him to relive? As if he wasn’t getting enough of that from his own mind.
“That chemical mumbo jumbo is our serum,” John called, “Well, our serum on meth. Kinda.”
His head shook more, beginning to turn frantic as he realized what he was looking at. “No, no, they- that was the fuckin’ deal. We keep our mouths shut, they never do this shit again.” He looked to John for confirmation, getting nothing but a hollow shrug.
“Fool us once,” he said, a sarcastic, angry look on his face.
Snarling, Bucky shoved the folder away from him, the pages flapping as they got caught under the foot of a little stuffed bear. “How many?” he grated.
“We don’t know,” Sam stated, voice even and cautious. “I’ve got Joaquin looking into it, but I don’t want him moving too quick.”
His brain couldn’t keep up with the volume of thoughts firing off in it. He could feel a headache forming at the back of his neck, branching out like knives through his skull and into his temples. This was always how it went, he knew it. He knew everything in his life was too good to be true. It was only a matter of time before things started slipping through his fingers like sand, and that time had finally come.
“Then fuck their agreement,” he hissed, turning back to John. “We’ll go public, we’ll go on every news outlet that’ll put us on.”
“Can’t do that, Buck.”
Sam’s hand landed on his shoulder, drawing his gaze.
“We need to be smart here. They got nothing stopping them from cleaning house.”
The implications for anyone they had in the experiment currently... Bucky knew what they’d do, what they never had any issue doing without heat on them. But all he could think about was some... kid, not dissimilar to him or Steve or John for that matter. Scared and lonely, going through the same hell he had to relive every day of his life.
“You don’t get it!” he shouted, hearing how ragged his breathing had become as his pained eyes met Sam’s.
“I do. I’ve been down this road before, remember?” The agony he went through trying to find answers about his friends, how many years it took, the guilt he carried for taking so long. “It won’t be like last time, I’ve got help, people we can trust.”
“The kid’s good, Bucky,” John piped up, “He’s slick and fast enough to get that much.”
Bucky’s eyes glanced back at the folder, the contents inside staring back at him. But nothing would ever be fast enough. Not if they had some other kid at their mercy. And not when he had this hanging over his head now. It would consume him, take over his thoughts until he had none left to spare the rest of his waking hours. It would follow him into sleep, melding together with the already haunting images that filled his dreams until that was all he was again. A husk of the soldier, sleepwalking through his freedom like he hadn’t regained it at all.
“This isn’t your mess,” Sam started, watching his friend’s eyes glaze over. “They catch you sniffing around and it’s over, so you need to stay your ass right here and wait it out. I know that’s gonna be tough, but... We’ll get them.” His hand came to squeeze at Bucky’s shoulder again, drawing his gaze.
He stared into Sam’s eyes, jaw beginning to ache from how hard he was clenching it. It hurt to relax it, to surrender to the way he’d come to trust the gaze in front of him completely. A strained sigh left him, chair buckling under his weight when he sank back onto it.
“Why the fuck is this all happening?” he breathed out helplessly.
“It’s gonna be okay, Buck.”
It felt like that’s all he’d been hearing for years, but it never quite came true.
He knew that Sam was right, that he needed to stay away from this and not force some burden upon himself to save the day when he was barely managing to keep it together each day. So what was left for him? Sit back and wait, helpless as he’s ever been? And then what? He had foolishly thought this was all over once he was out, so how could he ever be sure it was?
“I didn’t come here and tell you this to make your head fly off again,” Sam sighed, “I just knew if I didn’t tell you, you’d hit me with that disappointed dad look.” On cue, Bucky looked up at him. “That one right there.”
Bucky blew out, half exasperated, half attempting to laugh at his friend. “No, I know, I just... There goes the other shoe, I guess.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
Sam studied him a moment, watching his eyes dance around aimlessly to avoid having to look at anyone. “Mhm... Well, you’ve got us for the rest of the weekend. C’mon, show us around town.”
“There’s not much to show,” Bucky said, still weighed down by the pit in his stomach.
“They got a bar?” John asked, finally earning the privilege of scratching Alpine’s neck.
“Yeah.”
“We’ll grab a drink,” Sam nodded, nudging at Bucky to encourage him. “Ask the missus if she wants to tag along.”
“No, she’s... That’s not her scene, and she wasn’t feeling great.”
“A likely story.” Taking a step toward the door, Sam shrugged, “I could always go ask her myself.”
Bucky shot up. “No. Christ. I’ll- I’ll call her and ask, alright?”
He ignored the triumphant pump of Sam’s fist to move for the telephone. Once it began ringing, he tugged at the cord, stretching it the few feet to his bedroom and under the door so he could shut it.
“Hello?”
Her voice stunned him a moment, like it had been years since he’d last heard it instead of the mere minutes it had really been. “Hey, sweetheart.”
“Why are you calling me?” she cooed, “I thought you’d be busy with your friends.”
“I am. They wanna... go grab drinks. Sam wanted me to invite you.”
“Does that mean you don’t want me to come?” There was nothing accusatory in her tone, it was purely playful.
“Not at all, I just know you were... With your... cramps and all.”
She laughed at his stammering. “I am feeling pretty lousy, I can’t lie.”
“Then don’t worry about it,” he pressed, “We’ll probably be there a while, so if you’re feeling up to it... It’s right by the shop, just a little further down that road on the right.”
“I’ll see how I’m feeling.”
“Of course.” The line grew quiet as he sat there, heaviness in his bones. He swallowed as an urge came over him. “Can you do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
His face curled into the handset, a pathetic attempt to find her warmth in it. “Come to the window? Your bedroom one. I... It’d do me some good seeing your face right now.”
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” he lied. “Just wanna see you.”
There was some static before she sighed his name and went silent for a moment. “I don’t think the cord is gonna reach that far. I- I’m setting the phone down, but I’m going, okay?”
“Okay.”
He could hear it when she set it down somewhere, only a few seconds passing before her blinds started to roll up. She was in different pajamas as if she had showered, one of her shirts that he had admitted to liking clinging to her like a soft, cotton second skin. He wished he had called her cell so he could tell her how beautiful she looked and get to see her go bashful. Instead, he was left to press his forehead to the windowpane and watch as she undoubtedly let out a giggle at him. Her head cocked sweetly, smile just as saccharine before she motioned back out into the hall. He held his finger up to signal for one more minute, earning another laugh from her that he couldn’t hear. It felt too final to let her go just yet.
Sighing, he nodded for her to go grab the phone again.
“Better?”
“Yes,” he smiled, “Thank you, sweetheart. For everything.”
“Stop it,” she whined, “You’re making me sad.”
“I don’t want you to be sad.”
“I don’t want you to be sad, either.”
He chuckled to himself, pressing the phone tighter to his ear. “I know you don’t. Don’t push yourself, alright? If you feel up to it, the offer’s there.”
“Alright. Have fun either way, will you? I know you must be excited to see Sam.”
“I’ll try,” he said. “Night, sweetheart.”
“Night, Bucky.”
He waited to hear her line click off before his arm fell to his side limply. The empty line tone had begun to sound, droning on as he stood there, still staring across to her window as it glowed yellow. He could see her bed, the sheets still rustled from when they’d crawled out of them. A sigh left him as he head for his bedroom door.
“And?” Sam chirped.
“I don’t think she’s gonna make it, she’s not feeling great and she’s already showered for the night...”
“Yeah, yeah, you just want her all to yourself.”
He only shook his head.
The bar was decently busy for a Saturday in the middle of winter, a few people littered around each part. Some at tables, others chatting around the pool table, a couple at the bar itself, watching reruns of old sitcoms and complaining about the workweek. It was a small relief when John beelined for the pool table, jumping in with the other guys playing easily enough. Sam sat them at the bar, right at the end away from the others.
They were quiet the first few minutes they got there, ordering their beers and waiting for them to arrive before they fell into small talk. Bucky asked about Sarah and the boys, how everything was going in D.C., what the drive up was like with John in the car. Sam answered and fell into questions of his own. Just little ones at first. How Becca and the baby were, how things were going at the shop, why Bucky never picks up the damn phone anymore. Bucky was barely entertaining it all as is, felt himself tense when the last question led to Sam fixing him with a knowing look.
“So,” he smirked.
“So what?” Bucky huffed.
“C’mon, man, don’t gimme that shit. When did you two shack up?”
Shaking his head, Bucky took another sip of his beer and swished it around in his mouth to keep from answering right away. “Monday,” he finally stated, licking the drop off his lips after.
Sam’s eyebrows raised. “This past Monday?” He got a nod in response, prompting him to grab Bucky and shake him playfully. “Buck nasty!”
Grimacing, Bucky shrugged him off, setting his shoulders at the sound of the door opening and the feel of eyes on them. “Enough. Seriously.”
“Look at you. In love and still an asshole.”
“I’m not-” He bit his tongue, jaw clenching as he ducked his head.
On a good day, he wouldn’t want to talk about any of this, but especially not on one where he had already been in his own head before the added weight of the information Sam had brought. He was angry and tired and growing more and more frustrated at how unbothered his friend seemed to be about it all.
“You’re not what?” Sam asked, “In love?” When he got no answer, he scoffed. “Yeah, right. I saw that mixtape. That was pure cheese. You two have had some small town When Harry Met Sally shit going on or something.” More silence, prompting him to glance at Bucky. “It’s a movie about-”
“I know what it is,” Bucky snapped, “We’ve watched it.”
“So what the hell is the problem?”
His head shook again, a twitch curling his lip. “Me. As always.”
“Here we go...”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
Sam stared at him, sighing as he rolled his eyes lightly. “I didn’t bring us to a bar to help you throw a pity party for yourself.”
“It’s no fuckin’ party.”
They sat in silence again a moment, sipping at their beers in two different manners. Bucky avoiding conversation and Sam playing psychological warfare to make Bucky want to engage in conversation. And it worked just like it always did.
“I’m having nightmares,” he finally admitted, “Bad ones. About her. While I’m in bed next to her. Just a matter of time before I wake up with my hand around her throat or... some other sick shit.” All he got from Sam was a blank look. “I knew I had no business getting involved with her. I fucking knew it. The second we met, I had this awful feeling that this shit was going to happen.”
“What was going to happen?” Sam deadpanned, not wanting to feed into his friend’s self-loathing.
“That I’d start to like her. Or worse, that she’d start to like me. Or even worse, we’d start to like each other. I’m too fucked up for this, I shouldn’t be in a relationship. I can’t even handle my own shit, and she’s-” He caught himself, huffing to try and push the thoughts from his head and the words from his mouth.
“She’s what?”
Bucky’s fist tightened around his beer, the glass squealing beneath his palm. “She’s got her own shit, too, she’s complicated and... fragile. I-I don’t know if I can deal with it all on top of myself. Especially now.” Especially with the news Sam had brought with him.
“And there he goes. Locking himself away again.”
That made Bucky’s blood turn hot. “What the hell am I supposed to do, huh? Ignore everything wrong with me, everything wrong with her? Just play pretend forever? Shove our trailers together and live a nice, quiet life, clocking in every morning and eating dinner with my family every night?”
“Why couldn’t you?”
He shook his head. “We probably couldn’t even have kids.”
The words were bitter on his tongue as he spit them. They were directed at himself, at the feelings he harbored inside himself that it was a failure on his part if the doubts in his mind were true and he was somehow less of a man because of them.
Silence flooded between them again, nothing to listen to but the chatter of the bar and the door opening and closing again. Bucky glanced over his shoulder at it before going back to his beer.
When more than a few minutes had passed and Sam still hadn’t said anything, Bucky found himself scoffing. “Thanks for coming, man, great talk. Hey, great visit.” He raised his beer as if he wanted a toast between them, sarcastic, sneering smile on his lips.
Sam didn’t look at him. “You don’t wanna know what I have to say.”
It made Bucky wince if only for a second. Because he knew he was spiraling, voicing all the rancid thoughts swarming his head that no one else was meant to hear.
“But fuck you,” Sam hissed, finally looking at him. “You’ve pissed me off, and I’m gonna say it. All you wanna do is make yourself miserable. You can’t stomach the thought of yourself being happy after all the shit they had you doing. Well, grow the fuck up. You think you’re irredeemable? So disappear. Cut everyone off and go back to the soldier if that’s who you really are. Sounds like they’re recruiting again anyway.”
It was a cheap shot even for the roughness he was going for. There was no shock when Bucky suddenly had him by the collar of his shirt, a snarl on his lips as he got in Sam’s face.
“Yeah, there he is,” he goaded, “C’mon, let him out.”
Bucky’s nostrils flared, teeth peeking out from behind his curled lip. And Sam just watched, calm and collected, as his blue eyes flickered through a million emotions at once, going from blind rage to anguish. Fear to disappointment. Shimmering with tears before he finally let go and sunk back onto his stool, head in hand.
Sam fixed his shirt, glancing around to make sure no one was about to approach them. His palm went to Bucky’s shoulders, splaying out comfortingly. “That’s not you, Buck,” he spoke gently. “It never was. You just want it to be so you can keep punishing yourself.” When he felt the man beneath his hold begin to shake, he sighed softly. “C’mon.”
Bucky let himself be hauled up and out into the frigid air, the little strength left in him dissolving and causing him to drop down onto the curb. His elbow found his knee, forehead the heel of his palm. “I don’t wanna hurt her,” he finally said, quiet and shaky through his tears. “I’ll never live with myself if I do.”
Another sigh left Sam as he sat down beside him. “All that time you spent in the clinic, all those months with me and Sarah, the boys, everybody... You never hurt anyone. It’s not in you.”
His sobs were shallow, nothing compared to the choked, wrecked ones that had seized his lungs the night before. His eyes were still sore from the exertion and the tears and the lack of sleep, causing them to burn even more when they filled again.
He wiped at his face petulantly, chuckling weakly, “Fuck.” The clap to his back echoed in the empty street. “Why is everything going so wrong? Why now?”
“That’s life, kid.”
And damn it all, if he didn’t feel a thousand pounds lighter just letting himself cry it out, alternating between soft hiccups and choked sobs he couldn’t muster the strength to try and keep in. His tears were almost soothing on his cheeks, catching the chill of the air against the heat of his skin. The sleeve of his jacket was rough as it scratched at his nose, sniffles leaving him between each wipe.
“This fuckin’ appointment isn’t helping,” he cursed almost playfully.
Sam huffed a laugh, palm still steady against his friend’s back. “You tell her about it?” A timid shake of Bucky’s head had him groaning into the night. “Oh, my god.”
“I didn’t want to worry her!” he whined, “She’d be all panicked and everything... I figured I’d wait until after I’ve been. Just... see what they say first. Who knows, they might tell me I fucked myself up too bad, and they can’t go in anymore. Them I’m stuck with this jagged mess.” His hand motioned vaguely at his left shoulder.
“I think you should tell her anyway,” Sam proclaimed, getting a devious grin on his face. “Tell her and then fall madly, hopelessly in love with her and shove your trailers together and make sweet, sweet love every night for the rest of your complicated lives.”
“I hate you,” Bucky grinned, trying to force it off his face at his friend’s cackle.
tysm for the tag @winteryn <3 this is my first tag game and im so here for it!
*slow burn or love at first sight
fake dating or secret dating
*enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers
there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence
hurt/comfort or amnesia
fantasy au or modern au
*mutual pining or domestic bliss
*smut or fluff
canon-compliant or fix-it
reincarnation or character death
one-shot or multi-chapter
kid fic or road trip fic
arranged marriage or accidental marriage
high-school romance or middle-age romance
time travel or isolated together
*neighbors or roommates
sci-fi au or magic au
body swap or gender bend
angst or crack
apocalyptic or mundane
ones with stars could be both, but for the sake of picking one i highlighted my preferred one.
tags (this is no pressure, just want to see what you all think, and if you've already been tagged, now it's a double-dog dare!): @fckmebarnes, @starling-in-the-sky, @smorgaswhored, @pinksplace, @groubee, @metal-armed-muse, @spookygothicbih
slow burn or love at first sight
fake dating or secret dating
enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers
there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence
hurt/comfort or amnesia
fantasy au or modern au
mutual pining or domestic bliss
smut or fluff fluffy smut!!!
canon-compliant or fix-it
reincarnation or character death
one-shot or multi-chapter
kid fic or road trip fic
arranged marriage or accidental marriage
high-school romance or middle-age romance
time travel or isolated together
neighbors or roommates
sci-fi au or magic au
body swap or gender bend (wink)
angst or crack
apocalyptic or mundane
i’ll tag a couple sillies, but absolutely no presh<3 @wheresthewater @designatedself-shipper & anyone else that wants to do it!!
pairing: bucky barnes x female reader
chapter summary: reality sinks in harder than bucky expected it to
chapter warnings and contents: 18+ ONLY, angst, fluff, nightmare, roleplaying
word count: ~8,150
author’s note: i don’t usually like putting personal stuff in the notes on these, but i wanted to let you all know i’ve been having really awful flareups recently and that’s partly why this story has gotten so inconsistent. i have a few months of scary big girl appointments and procedures and everything ahead of me, so it might stay a lil inconsistent for the time being, but i won’t ever abandon these two!! i’m with y’all ’til the end of the line :’) i’ll update when i can, and thank you all so much for your patience and support♡♡♡ as a lil bonus, i’ll be putting some behind the scenes kinda stuff in future notes!! and the first one is that in the original draft for this fic, bucky was supposed to have a second job as a janitor at the elementary school reader works at!!
! PLEASE READ AND HEED THE WARNINGS !
18+ only - do not repost - minors and ai dni - thank u
read more of ‘distance’
“go slower! it might not be completely frozen still!”
laughing under his breath, bucky let his next step fall harder, a puff of snow billowing up around his boot as it hit the ice beneath it.
“bucky, seriously! be careful!”
“it’s rock solid,” he grinned, glancing over his shoulder briefly before he continued forward across the lake.
his eyes squinted against the cold, zeroing in on the headstones he could make out in the distance. that’s where they were going. to see his parents.
“bucky, wait for me!”
he listened, halting his steps as his breath puffed out in thick plumes. he waited, and waited some more, growing impatient with each passing second.
“sweetheart, hurry up! it’s gonna be dark soon!”
when no response came, he turned around to find the landscape empty, no sign of her across the white expanse of the lake. he called out for her, looking into the trees to either side of him. nothing. the ice felt unsteady when he took a step toward where she had been behind him, only growing shakier the closer he got until it finally opened up to a crack, water sloshing over the jagged edges of frozen lake.
he was sinking into the water before he could even think, eyes frantic and burning agains the cold as he searched through the obsidian. further and further he went, watching as the sliver of light from where he had jumped in disappeared with each kick of his legs. his lungs began to burn, crying out for air in the depths. it all seemed hopeless, nothing but an endless black to every side of him, until a small break of light appeared over his head.
looking up, he could see hands wiping away at the snow that covered the ice. a face appeared in the cloudy window, voice muffled as they called out for him. and it was so familiar, he began to draw closer to it, arms swinging out to propel him to the surface. he was so close, was just about to make out who was on the other side when suddenly the light was gone, a figure floating by and blocking it out entirely. he reached for the body, recognizing her from the feel under his palms alone.
pulling her into him, the light broke through again, granting him a flash of her face where it was frozen in fear.
a shout of agony ripped up his throat, silent against the water when it rushed into his lungs. and then he was staring at a textured ceiling, his hand fisted in the thick of a comforter as he tried to catch his breath against the phantom constriction of water.
his heart was pounding, thudding in his ears almost as if he were still submerged. it felt like he was frozen beneath the ice, head heavy when he tried to turn it to his side. where he found her, fast asleep and safe, face soft with the serenity of slumber. his scream must not have managed to break through his dream, allowing her to remain sleeping while he fought against his own mind.
bucky couldn’t bring himself to reach out and touch her despite how desperately he wished to. just to feel her, solid and warm, under his palm. know that she was truly safe and everything had been a sick coalescence of his life and the things in it that were closest to him. so he was left to soothe himself on his own, tongue heavy when he tried to swallow. there was still a lingering burn in his throat, residual from how vivid his nightmare had been.
it was nothing more than hope, a dream, that he had found peace in one corner of his life and it would permeate throughout the rest. even in the security of her bed, a breath away from her embrace, his past could still find him and tear him apart from the inside out.
she slept with her television on, he came to learn. it was still on, blue glow of the screen flashing around the room until it was overtaken by the blues of morning light faintly beginning to pierce through her curtains.
when her alarm went off, he didn’t flinch from where he was stuck sinking further and further into his own head. she roused beside him, reaching a hand out to snooze the chatter of the morning radio dj before nuzzling back into her pillow. bucky was still too nervous to touch her.
almost as if the memory of the night before suddenly sprang into her mind, she opened her eyes, finding him where he was already watching her.
“morning,” she sighed, wiping at her face shyly.
“morning.”
the monotony of his voice caused her pause, a sickly feeling beginning to form in her stomach. “did you sleep okay?”
bucky gave a hollow nod. “mhm.”
it was enough to turn the feeling into a pit. the thought of him regretting their intimacy, of him pulling away again now that they had finally gotten so close... it was too much to take so early in the morning.
her alarm going off again saved her from the worried rambling she felt building on her tongue.
giving him one final look, she sat up to shut the alarm off completely, a moment passing before she fully stood up.
over the hiss of her bathroom faucet, she could hear him moving about her bedroom. softly, as if he was hesitating his movements. her mouth was full with the froth of toothpaste when she heard a knock at the door beside her.
when she opened it, he was standing there, eyes only passing over her fleetingly.
“i’m gonna go,” he croaked, attempting to clear his throat of the rasp.
“oh. yeah, yeah, okay. i’ll see you later?”
just a nod, that’s all he gave her before he started up the short hall toward her kitchen.
she waited, chest growing tighter with each breath, until she heard the small thud of the front door to slump against her vanity. if there was more time, she would have succumbed to the urge crawling up her spine and spent the morning losing herself in doubt and fighting back tears.
but there wasn’t any. she had to feed the cats and get dressed and make her way to the school. she had to put on a brave face and ignore the lead weight settling into her gut as fluorescent lights buzzed overhead and reminded her of him standing beneath them with a shy smile and an affectionate gaze. maybe she was overreacting. maybe this was how it always was. morning-after-awkwardness and all that. he had allowed her to be vulnerable in the moments after, and maybe he simply needed the same grace.
it still stung to get home and not find him waiting on her porch.
the contrast was strange. only a matter of days, but her house suddenly felt empty and cold without him taking up space on her couch. it felt awkward to eat alone and settle in for a surf through television channels when only a couple months before it had been all she knew.
she grew antsy, finally huffing as she sat up on her knees and turned around to her window, fingers prying at the blinds to glare across their yards. his lights were on, a subtle flickering under the yellow glow letting her know his own tv was on. biting into the inside of her cheek, she thought carefully about her next move for all of ten seconds before she was up and shoving her feet into whatever shoes were closest.
bucky was expecting it when a knock came at his door, his back already pried off of his couch so he could sit forward in anticipation of it. his palm was clammy when he reached for the knob, a guilty look on his face when it peeked around the edge of wood.
“was it too far?” she asked almost immediately, only hesitating when she initially saw the furrow of his brows. “if it was, i’m sorry, i- we can slow back down, or-”
“no,” he sighed, stepping back to let her into his home. “no, it’s not about last night... i mean, it is, but not that.” when her face just scrunched further in confusion, he took in a breath and ran his fingers through the side of his hair.
“you look exhausted.”
that managed to pull a small smile onto his lips. finding her gaze again, he confessed, “i had a nightmare.”
“last night?”
“yeah,” he winced, staring down at his floor.
from his reaction, she assumed she’d made an appearance in it again. and she was sympathetic, really, but her sympathy didn’t exactly soothe the pang of rejection she’d been left with all day.
“everything else has been so perfect,” he breathed, “i guess i thought that part of my life would be too.”
“the first time we ever spoke was after you had a nightmare,” she stressed, trying to duck into his line of sight. “i didn’t run then.”
when he gave in and locked eyes with her, she tried a smile, making his own creep back over his face. “no. you didn’t.”
but she also didn’t have to see into his head, live through the haunting images that plagued his rest and lingered when he woke. she didn’t have to grow sick with the fear of them coming true.
“bucky,” she whispered, reaching for his hand where it was balled into a fist.
he jerked away on instinct, skin pricking when he felt how cold hers was from the chill of the air outside. all he could see was her face, stuck in the wail of terror it had been in before he rose to consciousness that morning.
“bucky.”
it came firmer, just solid enough to have him snapping out of the paralysis he was slipping into and sighing before he leaned into her. she caught him as best she could, planting one foot behind her to bear his weight and wrap her arms around him.
“i’m sorry,” he croaked, burying his face in her neck and snaking his hand around to her back. she was warm there. warm and soft and full of life as she began to soothe her palms over his shoulders.
“it’s okay.”
he grimaced at her words, at the way she comforted him when he didn’t deserve as much.
“here,” she guided, keeping her hold on him as she stepped toward his couch.
they sunk onto the cushions still clinging to one another, his hand curling further around her to settle onto her lower back, slipping down and under her shirt in search of bare skin. her own came to cradle his nape, fingertips slowly scratching through the short hairs there as he steadied his breathing.
“do... do you think maybe it was because of what we did?” she kept her voice low, trying not to overwhelm him further. “i know you said it wasn’t about that, but maybe it just... was too much?”
bucky focused on the feel of her peach fuzz rustling under the pads of his fingers, how smooth and soft her skin was beneath it. “i don’t know.”
it was the truth. he still didn’t have control over certain corners of his brain, and that was a fact he had to reckon with. there was so much he had yet to experience, whether something from his old life or something brand new to him entirely, and he didn’t know how those things would affect him until they did. so maybe it was the way they had touched each other, the way they pried one another open so heatedly, that had sent his mind into a free fall. but...
“i liked it.”
her eyes flitted around his living room, the sound of his voice coming softly enough for her to doubt it at first. it was safe to assume he meant the intimacy they shared and not the nightmare that had him hiding away for the better part of the past twenty-four hours.
“i liked it, too,” she whispered, settling back slightly to force his face out of the crook of her neck. he fought it. “i also like knowing you still like me.”
bucky’s ribs constricted around his heart.
pulling back, he looked at the timidity on her face, the insecurity that he had allowed to bloom across her features.
“i don’t know if you noticed, but i kinda like you,” she joked weakly, “a lot.”
“sweetheart,” he breathed, using his hold to pull her closer so his lips could fall onto her forehead. her fingers fisted in his shirt. “i like you. i’ll always like you.” his chin bumped against her glasses when he moved to look at her again, causing them both to laugh breathily while she fixed them. he set his gaze on her with sincerity. “it’s me i’ve got a problem with.”
her eyes squinted at him, furrow tugging at her brows. “i don’t like you talking about my man like that.”
to make her point, she recoiled from him, crossing her arms across her chest to really sell the huff of annoyance she let out.
bucky was baffled for a moment, lips parting as her own twitched with a smirk. he mirrored it.
“your man, huh?” he echoed.
she nodded, “yes. who i’m very fond and protective of, thank you very much.”
he shook his head. “your man has a few hundred screws loose.”
“and i knew that when i chose him.”
there was no backhand to the statement, no indication that she had chosen him despite who he was.
“i want you now. i want you like this.”
the sentiment hadn’t escaped him in the heat of the moment it was uttered in, but it crashed into him even harder in the current one.
when he didn’t carry on with their banter, she peeked at him from the corners of her eyes, doing a double take when she saw how his had begun to shimmer. her hands reached for him again. “i’m just teasing you, i’m-”
her babbling got swept up in his kiss, a squeak hitting off the back of her throat when his hold on her grew desperate, fisting at her skin and clothing until they couldn’t possibly get any closer.
his eyes were still closed when he pulled back with a pant, hers flying open to stare at him.
“you’re just...” whatever he was trying to say lost against a stunted groan, leading into another bruising kiss that she floundered to keep up with.
they both let out hums of satisfaction, relieved to have the heaviness between them evaporated if only for the moment. he must have been smoking, the scent curling into her senses the same way the taste of beer on his tongue did. she pried for it, pushing into him with a heavy sigh that he matched with his surrender. he allowed her to press him back into the cushions so she could climb onto his lap. where his hand moved to settle on her hip, she caught it, fingers digging into his palm before they locked with his own and spread his arm out along the back of the couch. her other traced along his shoulders, going from metal to flesh as she drew in impossibly close.
bucky felt his nerves slightly heightened, the faintest presence of embarrassment from trying to keep up with her movements. the tilt of her head like practiced footwork against his awkward shuffling, a clash of noses akin to letting his shoe catch on her gown.
in the split second their lips disconnected to readjust, his tongue began to form an apology. one she didn’t allow him to speak, whether knowingly or unknowingly, when she nudged her forehead against his and forced their eyes onto each other.
“where do you wanna stay tonight?” she asked, just breathless enough for him to swallow harshly at the sound of her voice.
almost guiltily, he let his eyes fall shut again to mutter, “i think here. just...”
“that’s okay.”
a kiss fell onto his cheek.
“i don’t mind.”
another to his nose.
still humiliated to an extent, he looked up at her sadly.
she giggled at him almost sympathetically. “it’s okay,” she stressed, pushing his hair back again. “really. we’re not roommates. your name’s not on my mortgage, either.”
chuckling breathily, he winced, “ouch.”
“i’ve got enough freeloaders over there,” she chided, both of them looking over to where alpine was sprawled across the other end of the couch, dead asleep with a belly of fur on display.
they laughed, bucky stealing one last kiss before the weight of her was gone from his lap. their hands were still clasped, allowing him to bring hers up to his lips. she nudged his chin like he was always doing to hers when they were stood at his door. he let the touch encourage a smile across his face, eyes watching her where she trudged back to her home through the slowly melting snow.
he could still feel her lips against his, sighed when he let his fingertips trace over where they had been on his cheek. it was easy to forget all the turmoil he’d worked himself into when she was right there invading his senses. not so much once she was gone.
a long night and a short sleep before he was back at the shop, forcing laughter at tom’s rambling and smiles at cranky customers. he’d promised to stay a little later to make up for the snow day they’d taken, waving his boss off when he got challenged on the offer. keeping his hand busy was a welcome distraction to the flurry of thoughts whipping around his head.
he wasn’t like that before... everything. he’d had a week of clinging to his mother’s leg at the preschool drop-off and that was it. from then on, he was sure of himself and confident in his movements. star of the football team, top of his class, basking in the praise and good things that were granted to him. effortlessly so.
but now, in the aftermath of his service, he wasn’t sure how to embrace such things. the flirting had been one thing, daunting enough when he thought too hard about it. and then came wordless confessions, sharing a bed, the declaration of belonging to one another after a kind of intimacy that was fresh to them. all of which made his chest ready to burst with joy.
and that was why it stung so bad to be waiting for the other shoe to drop. to be looking over his shoulder in search of the looming dread that he couldn’t see with his eyes but felt in his bones. it’s just how his life went now. bad with the good, over and over.
he just hoped he could keep up appearances enough to not scare her off on his own.
“we’re closed,” he called from under the hood of the old truck he was looking at, rolling his eyes when the footsteps approaching him continued.
“guess i’m shit out of luck then, huh?”
at her voice, he peered around to see her leaning against the driver’s door. “what are you doing here?” he grinned.
her face went sour with a playful scoff. “that’s a hell of a way to talk to a customer.”
bucky’s brows furrowed, one quirking when she made a face at him like she was urging him along to do something. blinking, he caught up just in time to stop her from huffing in frustration at her failed attempt. “oh, i see,” he laughed, straightening his face when she glared at him. “sorry about that, miss. been a long day. how can i help you?”
she nodded quickly, approving of his act thus far. “i need to get my... tires rotated.”
bucky smirked. “your tires, huh?”
she nodded again, slower as she played into her role.
the garage was empty on the other side, all the other cars parked outside and ready to get picked up the next day. so he jerked his chin in the direction of the empty side. “alright. pull up over here, i’ll take a look at it.”
it wasn’t exactly protocol to have the customers drive their own cars up, but she didn’t seem to mind the stray from reality for her little show. bucky’s eyes had caught the clock when she stepped out. quarter after eight. guess he’d lost track of time.
when she rolled up in front of him, he rounded her car to pop open her door for her, earning a remark about ‘great customer service’ that made him chuckle through his act. really, though, he had been approaching her so he could lean in and catch her ear.
“just to be clear... i’m not actually supposed to be doing anything, right?”
“right,” she giggled.
“okay.”
pressing her lips together to contain her smile, she shook her head and stepped away from him. to busy herself, she paced along the walls, reading through the various newspaper clippings and awards from the local radio station. what bucky chose to occupy himself with was his own business. although, she couldn’t help but to glance over her shoulder at him, finding him crouched on the floor pretending to twist a wrench in the general direction of her front tire. a laugh bubbled up her throat, but she fought to keep it inside as she turned back.
“these are some good tires you got,” he tried, still finding the whole setup a little silly.
choosing to lean against a tool cart, elbows propped up behind her, she looked back to him just as he moved to the other side of her car. “they were a christmas gift.”
“some gift,” bucky whistled, twisting the wrench through the air again. “whoever got ’em for you must really care about you.”
“yes, i think he does.”
meeting her gaze over the hood of her car, he forced his face to stay stoic as he asked, “husband?”
she grinned before catching herself. “mm... neighbor, actually.”
“neighbor?” he chirped, raising his brows. “wow. wish i had a neighbor like that.”
“don’t like yours?”
he shrugged, standing back up to step toward her. “not too familiar with any of them.” the wrench made a quiet, metallic thud when he set it on the cart behind her, hand lingering so he could stay as close as he was. “i got one i don’t mind, though.”
her fists tightened briefly, a wave of excitement suddenly rushing through her at just what they were doing, what he was going along with. “what makes that one so special?”
half of his mouth curled into a smirk as he shrugged again. “she makes me food sometimes. listens when i need to get stuff off my chest.”
“sounds like she might like you.”
“it’s crossed my mind.”
he didn’t miss the way her eyes fell to his lips as he spoke, nor the way they shot back up and allowed him to watch as her pupils shrunk again under the sharp light overhead.
“you’re all set here,” he nodded, stepping back to regain some show of formality.
“thanks for squeezing me in after closing.”
“my pleasure.” and without missing a beat, he said, “it’s a hundred. after hours fee.”
stepping back over to her car, she made a show of reaching across to her passenger seat for her purse, feeling a sense of déjà vu come over her. “oh, shoot,” she pouted after digging around for a moment, hands pushing aside her wallet several times. “i seem to have forgotten my wallet.”
bucky couldn’t help the dopey grin that came across his face. “that so?”
she bit into her cheek as she looked up to him again, tossing her purse back over onto the seat before she stepped up to him. “is there maybe... some other way i could pay you?”
as she spoke, she batted her lashes at him, bucky’s throat bobbing around his swallow when her fingers came up to toy with the zipper of his coveralls.
he crumbled for a moment, breathing out, “i gotta wash up first, sweetheart.”
to make his point, he held up his hand to her, fingers flexed to show off the grime from the day’s work. before it could fall out of her sight, she grabbed it, keeping it in place as she let go of his zipper to reach for her own. it whirred as she opened her coat, his eyes following the movement.
“don’t,” she whispered.
bucky’s tongue felt heavy when he looked back to her. “don’t?”
shaking her head, she forced herself to hold his gaze, watching as he did the same once she began drawing his hand in to press it against her breast.
she had nothing on but a simple long sleeve shirt, paper thin and doing barely anything to keep him from feeling her through it. his brain was going a mile a minute, thinking of her coming home from work and getting comfortable for the evening. alone on her couch, waiting for him. until she grew too impatient and concocted the plan he found himself caught up in.
with a grunt, he forced his hand to her waist and spun them so she was shielded from the street.
“what are you up to?” he rasped, lips drawing closer to hers.
her hands found the tool cart again, shoulders scrunching up to frame her face as she grinned at him. “i felt like we left things... unfinished last night.”
a sharp laugh left his nose, head hanging between them before he looked back up to her. “you need to work on your euphemisms.”
“i never claimed to be a poet.”
“mhm.”
with a roll of her eyes, she reached forward to curl her fingers into the belt loops of his coveralls, tugging on them gently. “can i tell you something?”
bucky nodded, prompting her to tug on him again until he craned his neck down so she could whisper.
“i should have said i left you unfinished.” when he leaned back just enough to look her straight in the eyes, she continued, “not me.”
she could almost see the gears in his head spinning before a heaviness fell over his gaze, turning it sharp and piercing. his fingers on her waist curled tighter into her flesh, making her own go slack just as he pushed his palm across her back to her opposite hip. there he took hold of her jeans, using the leverage to spin her and send her grasping for purchase on the smooth metal of his tool cart.
breath coming faster, she sighed at the press of his cheek to hers, his chest encasing her back.
there was a moment where bucky felt this tug, this urge to give himself over to the baser instincts crawling up his spine. he became lost in it, muscles moving on their own, guiding his hand to the button of her jeans. they curled him further around her, a sting so cold it nearly burned stopping him in his tracks.
he managed to bite back his wince, masking it under a harsh exhale that she listed into him in response to.
his shoulder, the mangled one that he had trained himself not to rely on any longer, searing with pain from how he had attempted to wrap an arm around her that hadn’t existed for years. it was but another reminder of the way things had changed. the ways he had changed.
“are you okay?”
she spoke softly, resting her hand over his equally so, fingertips tracing along his knuckles as she waited for an answer. he couldn’t give her one.
“we don’t have to,” she said, “this was...” a quiet laugh. “kind of a crazy idea.”
it was too much to admit what had stopped him, even if he knew she would offer him nothing but an understanding smile. instead, he found himself falling back from her, watching as she turned to face him again with a look of worry.
before she could ask him again if he was okay, he put on his best innocent smile. “i should take you on a date first,” he settled on. “this isn’t right.”
one of her brows quirked at him.
“not- i didn’t mean it’s not right what we’re doing or... done. just that... i don’t know. i like taking a girl out first.” his eyes fell away a moment. “or i used to, at least.”
taking his hand in hers, she hesitated at the way he tried to pull it back at first, smile faltering.
“i’m filthy,” he lied, covering his initial reaction to her touch.
she swallowed harshly enough to hear it pound against her eardrums. “wanna go to the movies?”
“now?” he asked, watching her nod. “i-i gotta feed alpine. she’s probably already planning my demise.”
that same pit from the day before was growing in her stomach, accompanied by a searing along the top of her skin. it was too much. whether he would admit it or not, she knew it was. she’d gotten too familiar with him too quickly and turned him off from her. showing up at his work and trying to get in his pants... what the hell was she thinking?
bucky felt his teeth ready to crack from how hard his jaw was clenched. “what do people wear to the movies nowadays?”
her eyes met his again, starting to regain some of the light that had faded from them.
“um... clothes?” she laughed. “when you said you enlisted in eighty-four, would that be 1884 by chance?”
he had to laugh with her, fingers entwining with hers to her delight.
“i wouldn’t care if we went in our pjs,” she beamed, “but then you might fall asleep...”
“okay, i get it,” he huffed, “i’m old and you’re a comedian.”
her smile only grew. it was their friday movie night after all. their first as a couple.
“i’ll meet you back at the park, just let me close up.”
nodding, she gave his hand a firm squeeze and leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth.
bucky watched her go with his smile holding firm, managing to wait until she rounded the side of the shop to curl over on himself and let out the painted grunt he’d been wanting to let out. it happened every now and then, mostly when he had just woken up and was still foggy with sleep, that he would jerk in just the wrong way to have a nerve ending firing off from whatever piece of metal was fused to it haphazardly. the pain was it’s own kind of torment, mental anguish it triggered the worst of it. there was an added sting to it that time. one that had him wishing he could have really wrapped himself around her and held her as she shook under his touch.
she was still in the same clothes that she had come by the shop in when he knocked on her door. alpine was fed, he was showered, and she was still watching him with that hint of trepidation that anyone else might miss.
“what are we going to see?” he asked after they were both strapped into her car.
“this penguin movie that came out a couple months ago. some of the kids at school keep talking about it, so i’m curious.”
“it’s a kids movie?”
she hesitated a moment. “yeah... is that okay?”
“yeah,” he chuckled, “as long as it’s not some slasher, i’m fine with anything.”
“no slashers. got it.”
the theater was decently full, to be expected of a friday night, and bucky took the pressure of people in line behind them to pay for their tickets without her arguing against it. but she still couldn’t help herself as they stepped past the ticketing booth.
“that’s really annoying, you know.”
his mouth curled into a lazy smirk, shoulder shrugging while he shoved his wallet back in his pocket. “cry about it.”
she squinted at him but didn’t push the issue further.
“you can get me some snacks,” he offered, motioning to the concession stand.
handing over his ticket, she placed hers in one hand and grabbed onto his elbow with the other. “we’re not getting snacks.”
“that my punishment?” he grinned, allowing her to pull him along. “you run a tight ship.”
her only response was a mischievous smile that she wiped off her face as they approached the kid checking tickets.
“last one on the right,” they droned.
they were the only ones in the theater when they walked in, movie toward the end of its run and every kid in the town having already come to see it. she went along when he asked to sit in the back, the two of them plopping down in the center of the row. under the cover of dimmed lights and an empty auditorium, bucky watched as she began digging through her purse.
pulling out the first plastic bag, she popped it open and handed it to him, watching as he took it curiously before laughing. while he studied its contents, she pulled something else from her purse and handed it over as well, getting a bark of laughter from him for it.
“you’re trouble,” he hummed, setting his bag of snacks aside so he could place the beer bottle between his legs and pop the top off.
“if we get busted, i’ll need you to take the fall for me.”
he nodded around his first sip, setting the bottle into the cup holder between them. “i can do that. tom’ll let me keep working for him with a record.”
there was just enough time for him to catch her smile before the lights went out entirely and they turned their gazes to the screen.
bucky hadn’t been sure what exactly to expect, but he found himself chuckling at the movie before the atmosphere grew tense. more than a few times, he looked over to find her biting into her cheek and steadying her breaths to keep the tears rimming her lashes from spilling over. he knew it would happen when he did, but he couldn’t stop himself from setting his beer aside to wrap his arm around her, triggering the dam to break over her cheeks. she let him wrap his hand around her bicep and rub at it gently as she cried, his whisper to ask if she was okay getting a nod in response.
it wasn’t until the credits began to roll and the lights came back on that she let out a heavy sigh.
“i didn’t really mean for you to cry, sweetheart,” he teased, trying to lift her spirits with a callback to her annoyance over him paying for their tickets.
she didn’t meet his quiet laughter, not entirely. when he drew closer to wipe at her cheeks, arm still wound around her, she leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.
“it’s just sad,” she sniffled, voice small and shaky. “we’re failing this planet and everything on it. each other...”
bucky exhaled against her forehead, lips ghosting her skin where it was heated with emotion. it had stunned him a bit, too, how heavy the messaging was, but she clearly was taking it harder than he was. when another hiccup rocked her form, he cupped his hand under her chin and guided her to look up at him, thumb soothing across her jaw.
“there’s still time,” he cooed, “there’s always time.”
staring at him, she felt her lip tremble again before she stuttered out a breath and fought against the arm rest between them to fall into him. “sorry,” she mumbled, “i’ve been feeling... moody lately.”
bucky only shook his head, running his knuckles over her cheek and letting his hand fall back to her bicep. “i like that you care so much.”
he held her through it, feeling his chest grow heavier with each passing moment. it had already been a hard day, a hard few days if he was honest, and now the crushing weight of the vulnerability of the woman in his hold was doing exactly that. crushing him.
it wasn’t a question whether or not he was staying over at her house for the night. he’d have to be a monster to leave her standing there in her kitchen with heavy eyes and wet lashes. he pressed a long kiss to her forehead and watched her shuffle into her bathroom before he went to grab alpine. the shower was running when he came back, his shoulders stiff as he locked up for the night and padded into her bedroom.
only a small lamp on her desk lit the room before he turned her tv on, his clothes peeling off him like lead weights that he left in a heap on his side of the bed. his side of the bed. that was a new thought. it was the same side as he slept on at home, naturally gravitating toward the spot closest to the door. and judging by which side she kept her nightstand on, he assumed he wasn’t displacing her. they just seemed to fit in those ways, the ways that would otherwise go unnoticed in one’s everyday life. but once there was another taking up space, they became so glaringly obvious it was almost hard to remember a time they were unconscious.
she was silent when she stepped into the room, wrapped in a towel as she dug through dresser drawers. his thumb scratched over the back panel of her tv remote, eyes tracing over her form when she draped the towel on a hook hanging from the back of her door. they stayed on her, following the drag of cotton up her legs and the snap of elastic around her hips. her hand as it reached to shut off the lamp. the bed creaked slightly when she finally crawled in beside him, settling onto her back so her own eyes could find the tv screen.
bucky moved slowly to place the remote on her stomach, her hands taking it as his snaked under her neck and onto her bicep once more. the sweatshirt she had put on was thinner than her coat, easier to feel through where he rubbed at her gently. there were a million and one thoughts in her head, he could see them pulling her brows tighter and forcing her lips into a pout. he knew the feeling. too well. how would hers differ from his? how would they compare?
movement at the end of the bed caught his eye, her cat slowly creeping closer to them.
“he wants to lay on my chest,” she said, moving her hands higher so she could pat her chest in encouragement.
“should i move?” bucky asked.
“no, it’ll freak him out.”
so he stayed put, watching as the cat walked up cautiously and stared at him a moment. another pat to her chest finally calmed his tiny nerves enough for him to step up and come to lay mere inches from her face.
a gentle rumble started, growing into a purr the likes of which he hadn’t heard since alpine was nothing more than a handful of white fur. it made a smile break out across his face as he watched her rake her fingers across her cat’s face, scratching at his nose and cheeks and lulling him into a state of comfort that had him stretching his legs out and onto her neck. her fingers moved to stroke up and down his legs, purring coming to a head before he suddenly got up and moved to her desk chair.
“that’s what he does most nights,” she sighed, “gets his pets and then goes off somewhere else.”
bucky was still smiling, his thumb still rubbing across worn stitches adorning her skin. “that was sweet. you’ve got a real special connection.”
“until he leaves me for the desk chair.”
he laughed breathily, rolling onto his side to lean in and kiss her forehead.
“i call him chairman meow.”
it caught him so suddenly he didn’t have enough time to pull away before he snorted, breath puffing out across her skin. he pulled her closer, relieved when she curled into him.
before she even moved, she knew it would be a mistake to look at him, the fear confirmed when she did. moody had been an understatement in regards to how she felt the past few days. unbalanced and overly sensitive, constantly on edge with a feeling of needing to do something or be somewhere but no real direction. so when her hand came up to push his hair back and cup his cheek, she got swept away in the sight of him.
each line etched into his face, the way the hairs of his beard crossed over one another, snapping back after her thumb traced through them. she took in every detail individually and then altogether, wondering what his face would have looked like in the window between the adolescence she saw in photographs and the man before her. it made her chest grow tighter, the reality that there was no record of him for so long. no glossy pictures to cut into scrapbook shapes, candid ones that captured the infancy of his adulthood as those around him would have seen it. and if there did exist any documentation of him during such a time, she hoped to never have to see it.
bucky watched as her eyes began to shimmer again, her lashes fluttering shut before she drew closer. he accepted her kiss, held onto her securely enough to let her know he knew. he had come to learn, specifically throughout the day, that she used intimacy to connect back to him when she felt something growing between them that felt hollow.
it was somehow humiliating and relieving to realize that he had caught on to her insecurity. humiliating because she was ashamed of the instinct, would normally get a sense of dread in her stomach when she found herself offering herself over to someone in hopes of keeping them interested. relieving when that dread didn’t come and a burst of want formed in its place instead. as much as her head wanted to find its way to that dark place it always fled to, her body had come to trust the safety it found in his presence.
her thighs clenched as their breathing grew heavier, panted between smacks of their lips that echoed in the quiet. his hand splaying across her back did her in, a final smack sounding before she pulled away to nudge her nose into his.
“you’ve taken me on a date now,” she whispered, thumb finding the corner of his mouth to feel it curl into a smirk.
“i have...”
so she forced her free hand between them, aiming for his boxers, halted when he ripped his own from around her to grab it. her eyes found his, worry meeting assertion.
“like before,” he rasped, staring into her gaze as it flickered with thought until she picked up on his instruction.
she felt her face flood with heat, skin pricking with goosebumps under the brush of sheets where she rolled through them, coming to settle with her back to his chest again. like before.
bucky forced his palm under her waist, shifting closer so there wasn’t even enough room for air between them. his chin hooked over her shoulder, lips brushing her ear as he breathed, “i wanna make you feel good.” the backs of her knees pressed to his, legs fully flush together. “can i?”
her mouth fell open as she nodded, breaths puffing past them as his fingers brushed the waistband of her panties. they slipped in effortlessly, moving with just as much ease to part her so his middle could push between her and find where she had guided him to the night before last. he’d paid attention, she found, back arching under his touch and hips pressing into his.
a grunt sounded from him, muffled against her sweatshirt where his lips had been resting, eyes watching her carefully. the more her brows furrowed, the more she curled forward, forcing him to follow after her until he was almost draped over her, hand trapped between her thighs the tighter they clamped together. sliding his middle finger down, he groaned at the feel of her growing damper, swirling it around to coat his fingertip and drag it back up to her clit.
“this how you were last night?” he swallowed, chasing after her to pepper kisses to her jaw. “hm?”
the moan she had been trying to hold in slipped out at the sound of his voice. even just the sound of his breathing made her shiver, the rock of her hips back into his forcing quiet grunts from his lips. she could feel him, firm and straining against her backside through nothing but two layers of thin fabric. it made her mind flash with images of his head thrown back, an ache in her jaw before warmth flooded her throat.
another moan gasped out of her as her one hand found his forearm and the other fisted in her sheets. the touch was grounding at first, a way for her to anchor herself to him under the mounting pressure, but it grew into a hungry guidance. his fingers slipped lower, knuckles now rubbing at her bud so he could press into her with more force, encouraging the way she was rocking her ass back into him.
“bucky,” she huffed, shaking when he groaned in reply.
the heat behind her eyes was almost unbearable, rivaled only by the one growing in her core. it seared and pulsed, spreading just far enough to have her clenching up in anticipation before it shrunk back into a concentrated burn. one pump of his hand hit at just the right angle, the seam of his boxers hooking against his tip and making him jerk behind her.
“f-fuck, baby...”
the desperate, wet sound of his voice set off the spark within her, grip on him and her sheets tightening enough to have her knuckles aching with the force. his lips fell to her neck, pulling her skin between them to feel the vibration of her moan and taste the dew of sweat.
her eyes were squeezed shut, static and bursts of blue and red filling the black space. with another clench of her stomach, seizing up her entire body, she released the tension within her, breath coming slow and heavy as aftershocks broke out beneath her skin.
“y’okay?” he whispered, letting his lips ghost across the patch of her neck they’d just abused.
she nodded, couldn’t muster the strength to do much else as she continued to try and steady her labored breaths.
bucky grinned against her, finally stilling his fingers to grant her some mercy. “i liked that little squeak you made at the end there.”
if she could, she would have groaned, but the sound came out weak and strained as she turned to bury her face in her pillow, a futile attempt to escape his laughter.
he began pulling his hand from her panties, trying his best not to wipe his fingers on her, but failing at the very end. her stomach jumped under the brush of liquid silk against it, another forceful sigh leaving her when he settled his palm on her thigh and held onto her through the flood of emotion crashing through her.
bucky couldn’t see the tears spilling past her lashes, but he knew they had fallen when she released her bed sheets to wipe at them. her pulse was racing under his lips, hammering at her throat relentlessly.
one bend of her knee to relieve the stiffness in her limbs had her pressing back into him again, the unmistakeable outline of him still as firm and prominent against her. but again, he stopped her when she went to reach for him.
“relax,” he cooed, “just relax.”
he spoke to the both of them. that’s all they had to do was relax into the care of each other and let whatever had come before then fade into the background. it could be so simple if they could, if their lives up until that point suddenly became moot and they were allowed to just be with one another. and there was a moment, a brief moment where he felt her grow heavier in his hold and the sound of a car door shutting outside roused him from a slumber he hadn’t realized he fell into. a moment where he thought maybe they could have that simplicity.
thinking about living the dream and distance and how bemused distance!Bucky would be if, after a long day at the garage, walked in to not only see his mii wearing similar overalls to the ones he’s wearing but that the neighbor’s mii is inexplicably dressed like a 🚗...
Also, have there been any updates on your babii? Has she said her first word yet?
this is unfortunately (for bucky) canon in distance lore now
little mii baby moved away for mii college (aka the game nerfed babies and i let her go off and travel when she grew up🥲) but here’s some miibolts and mii content to make up for it🩷
first and foremost... alpine has arrived on the island!!!!!! i don’t have a white cat outfit for her yet so she’s getting to live her best life as a tiger for now🙂↕️
in romance news... yelena has gone from breaking bob’s heart to being in love with nami from one piece to falling for megan thee stallion on a walk one night. her greed sickens me. ava and hugh morris now have crushes on her as well. and bob and walker have mutual crushes on each other.
various miibolts and mii shenanigans
and we went on a couple trips together [walker has yet to move in..but it’s kind of funnier that he wasn’t invited (buckii planned the trips)]
and showed our appreciation for buckii
the youths scrolling on their ’puters while buckii watches tv and void..does whatever he does
thinking about living the dream and distance and how bemused distance!Bucky would be if, after a long day at the garage, walked in to not only see his mii wearing similar overalls to the ones he’s wearing but that the neighbor’s mii is inexplicably dressed like a 🚗...
Also, have there been any updates on your babii? Has she said her first word yet?
this is unfortunately (for bucky) canon in distance lore now
little mii baby moved away for mii college (aka the game nerfed babies and i let her go off and travel when she grew up🥲) but here’s some miibolts and mii content to make up for it🩷
first and foremost... alpine has arrived on the island!!!!!! i don’t have a white cat outfit for her yet so she’s getting to live her best life as a tiger for now🙂↕️
in romance news... yelena has gone from breaking bob’s heart to being in love with nami from one piece to falling for megan thee stallion on a walk one night. her greed sickens me. ava and hugh morris now have crushes on her as well. and bob and walker have mutual crushes on each other.
various miibolts and mii shenanigans
and we went on a couple trips together [walker has yet to move in..but it’s kind of funnier that he wasn’t invited (buckii planned the trips)]
and showed our appreciation for buckii
the youths scrolling on their ’puters while buckii watches tv and void..does whatever he does
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
izzy806
2087
prguitarman
