No squirts here i'm afraid

[strxnged]

yessss smelt that ore white baby

[badassdemonsword]

she sucked me through my Helmeppos

[milquetoaast]

source

[klapollo]

if youre in the US (especially the northeast + michigan) i would avoid bagged salads/greens and generally wash your produce very thoroughly unless you want the diarrhea parasite

[klapollo]

Outbreak of diarrhea-causing parasite grows to more than 1,000 cases

Michigan is experiencing its largest outbreak of a parasitic infection that causes severe diarrhea. Nearly 1,000 people have been diagnosed

this is not life-threatening, but also who wants weeks of diarrhea and a fucking parasite in them lol. if you suspect you've already had this and it's passed, i would see a doctor. you might need an antiparasitic anyway. if you're actively sick, see a doctor and they might be able to prescribe medication to help you get over it faster.

try to avoid eating raw vegetables, scrub fruit with a produce brush and rinse thoroughly with water. again, don't bother with premade greens or bagged salads. if you buy lettuce, remove the outer 2-3 layers of leaves.

there are UNVERIFIED rumors that the greens have been linked to a company that sources to taco bell. some locations have been actively pulling fresh ingredients like lettuce, avocado, and pico de gallo to mitigate the threat, so i would avoid any products from them just in case. considering how vast supply chains are, i'd be wary of any fast food greens in general for now.

[bwooomscratches]

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them

[themysteriousmurasamecastle]

we want to entertain one billion people a day and to achieve that goal we’re going to fire every single game developer we’ve ever hired 😍😍😍

[zoctopode]

can you imagine being a parent in the pokemon world and your kid comes home with one of those straight up basically human pokemon. i know those motherfuckers can talk.

its morning. i see my childs Throh getting some oj from the fridge. 'morning', i say. he doesnt catch himself in time and says 'morning' back. he freezes and we both stare at each other knowingly. 'throh,' he says, but its too fucking late

[antigoneprogone]

[scoffs] You couldn't PAY me to jack off to Brian Griffin! [remembers the state of the economy] Well, you could, but it would have to be a four figure amount. [remembers to be honest to myself] Three figures. [remembers not to devalue my own labor] Four figures.

[mangonetics]

She took the sprockets to my steam machine she doin too much

[twosmall]

i didnt oil my wingnut i just swooped and geared up

[4917]

ok

[badassdemonsword]

she sucked me through my Helmeppos

[speedlimit15]

When youre a kid youre like wtf adults are making themselves sick with poisons and when youre an adult youre like i need more poisons ASAP

[speedlimit15]

Of all the tags on this post this is the one that worries me most

[mlarayoukai]

my that

[mlarayoukai]

you had to trade the this to get the that btw

[shillelagh]

[shillelagh]

[shillelagh]

[joculine]

[shillelagh]

[joculine]

[shillelagh]

[joculine]

[shillelagh]

[joculine]

[joculine]

[imsobadatnicknames2]

[imsobadatnicknames2]

She ravenously consumed and devoured until all that remained was a barren, lifeless expanse

[laserwalnut]

Strong as fuck ice piggy

[sylphchild]

i take my tomestone to ishgard and show it to a sickly brume child and i say theres this band called imagine dragons do u wanna listen and he stares shellshocked off into the distance and says i dont have to imagine them

[glouphert]