i have a regimen i want you to follow. try it for 30 days, and share the results with me! i’ll happily review the results here after you’ve fattened yourself up for me. make sure you take before & after images and measurements, so i know how much your body has changed under my care.
my regimen:
wake up:
- start your morning off with a pint of heavy cream (1,600 calories) before you have your breakfast, coffee, etc for all 30 days
- buy boost shakes and drink 3 shakes per day, every day for all 30 days
- make sure you reach over 10,000 calories at least 10 days during the month, reach over 15,000 calories at least 5 days during the month, and reach 20,000 or more calories at least once during the month
- incorporate 2 more meals into your day. if you eat 3 meals typically, insert another meal in between your breakfast and lunch, and in between lunch and dinner. do this at least 3x a week.
- track how many calories you’re burning everyday (using apple fitness, or some other fitness app) and make sure you’re consuming at least 300 calories MORE than what you’re burning for the day, every day for all 30 days.
- double your B’s: bread, butter, & brownies!
- every 7 days you should go through a loaf of white bread, 4 sticks (1 box) of butter, and a box of brownies. you should prioritize eating all of these in excess.
for optimal performance points from me during your review, try to follow this calorie intake guide:
day 1: 10,000
day 2-10: 5,000
day 11: 10,000
day 12: 7,000
day 13-15: 15,000
day 16: 5,000
day 17-18: 15,000
day 19: 8,000
day 20-25: 10,000
day 26-29: 6,000
day 30: 20,000
i look forward to seeing your results! you wouldn’t want to disappoint me, would you?

















