[grownrage-blog]

those of you letting me write octavia while i continue to fight to get her voice down are the real mvps

[grownrage-blog]

blooems‌,  bellamy.

@grownrage​ ,   sc.

he wanted to believe that she could change.    there’s a part of him that’s hidden way   too deep    within him that believes octavia   —-  his sister  —-  was still there. but bellamy didn’t know who    blodreina    was,   and he didn’t want to know.   still,  it was him who woke her up from the cyro pod,  though he was gone as quick as he had came.   it wasn’t until she was finally awake and the news broke about the new planet where he was left alone with her.   he doesn’t say anything,   knowing she’ll have   plenty to say   for the both of them.

‘   i’m surprised you even bothered to wake me. ’     she isn’t looking at him,   unfocused gaze locked on some fixed point in the distance.   octavia knows he’ll never understand the choices she made,   and she won’t try to explain them.   desperation has a funny way of changing you,   making you do things you can’t atone.     ‘   let me guess   ----  you aren’t letting me go down to the new planet,  either.   too much of a risk.   ’  

[grownrage-blog]

yujtombom·,   lincoln.

@grownrage gets spirit!lincoln cause i guess i have no chill

          his spirit was always TRIKRU. but his heart belonged to her. perhaps that is why she is who he gravitates towards. he did not know it would be this literal. that some piece of him would be left to wander the earth, unseen and unheard. watching, listening, only able to observe as the world falls apart. as she falls apart. she is strong, she always has been. it’s why he LOVED her. it’s why he still does. he cannot be there to guide her but at least he can watch over her. he can see the moments she hides from everyone else, he can see octavia when everyone else only sees blodreina. 

even if she never sees him. 

he stands in the middle of her chambers, something in him ACHING as he watches her. she is alone. it didn’t start out that way. but it’s how it has ended up. is that the price of being a leader?  lips press together into a displeased frown, grieved at how USELESS this form of his is.  “  i wish you didn’t have to do this alone. ai bluma.  ”  

eat or die.   she can still feel the weight of the gun in her hand,   the tremble to her finger as it pressed against the trigger.   the revulsion in her own stomach as it threatened to revolt against its contents,   the bitter taste of bile as she swallowed it down.   the blood of her people drips from her hands,   stains her skin crimson red  ----  but this is what a leader does,  isn’t it?   dies inside so her people might live.   ( nevermind the fact she never wanted to be a leader anyway ).

no matter how hard she scrubs,   the metaphorical stain of her sins remains.    another reminder of who she is,  of the monster she’s become.   palms slam into the counter and she turns,   ready to call for gaia or indra.   instead,  she finds him:     her great love,   her first glimpse at what others might call home.    hands curling into fists at her side,   she gives a slow shake of her head.    ‘   that’s not possible, ’    she grits out,    tone low and laden with anger  ---  at herself,  at her mind,  for finding one more way to torture what minuscule pieces of octavia remain.     ‘   you’re dead. ’  

[grownrage-blog]

let’s start this off with a small starter / plotting call.   i’m in the process of watching the show through again so i can take notes on octavia,  so these starters will be heavily seasons one-two and seasons five-six based.  my writing always thrives when it’s in a plotted verse,  so i may just go ahead and reach out if you like this.   ♥     

[grownrage-blog]

#tbt to season two when kane had the audacity to ask octavia to be a spy / look out for “her people” after those same people stole her youth : ) by forcing her to live in secret : ) by punishing her throughout her entire life for just : ) being born !! : ) 

[grownrage-blog]

let’s start this off with a small starter / plotting call.   i’m in the process of watching the show through again so i can take notes on octavia,  so these starters will be heavily seasons one-two and seasons five-six based.  my writing always thrives when it’s in a plotted verse,  so i may just go ahead and reach out if you like this.   ♥     

[grownrage-blog]

how many times does octavia have to say she isn’t a leader for people to believe her?

honestly i understand people don’t like her s5 arc but like ?? she was forced into this role?  forced to become this person??  how many times did her people screw her over and yet claim her the second they needed someone to fight a battle for them?  octavia has been alone her whole life, apart from bellamy.  literally her whole life.   she comes down to earth and continues to be ostracized and screwed over for the sake of “her people.”  she does something for Herself (becomes a warrior, learns from indra, tries to separate herself from the sky people),  and lol those same people take advantage of her again.  we’re shocked, y’all.  we’re shocked.  anyway so she’s down in the bunker with like -2 people she trusts,  and is expected to unite a whole group of people who have spent years & years hating each other.  oh, and they’re also in a food crisis with literally no options.  yeah, octavia breaks and does some intense stuff, but ????  LOOK AT WHAT SHE’S BEEN THROUGH,  LOOK WHAT SHE’S SEEN,  LOOK AT HER OPTIONS !!!!!  this situation would bring out the most desperate version of all of us,  and ya girl did everything she could to at least save some of those people.  she made mistakes,  but she also had some help along the way.

[grownrage-blog]

i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.     i am the monster you created.

[lucybaird]

[grownrage-blog]

call me your sister.