growthling

[growthling]

having a crush is fun. i thought that part of me was frozen for a while 

[growthling]

Social Anxiety

This was written at a really scary time of my life when I truly felt like I just wanted to fold into the ground and disappear for a bit. Just a second, an hour, a week? A time when I can close my eyes and switch my brain off so I can get a vacation away from my own thoughts. And yes it is tough and shitty but it will always get better again. As long as you speak up about your feelings and be your own number-one supporter. It worked for me (and I still have shitty days) maybe it will work for you? 

Anxiety?

What is it, crawling of words and thoughts under your skin? 

Or is it a loop that you can’t quite escape. 

A hamster wheel with cage doors on both sides. 

But you can stop it, I think. 

I’ve heard of a thing called 

Growth 

and it gives me a glimmer of something to hope for. 

Something to work hard for, to muster up the courage to get out of bed with a sigh. 

And not a sigh weighted down in blues and greys but a light excitement instead. 

For the day, the moment, the slight pauses in conversations all hold an immense and powerful space for a thing called 

Opportunity. 

If you believe in yourself you can stop running.

And soon the wheel will stop turning and you might find yourself hopping off into a new found world. 

One so much better, honest and raw than before. 

[growthling]

What is this blog nonsense about?

So I have recently come across a lot of changes that have been brewing and I thought that I would try and fabricate my thoughts and lessons into words. 

I have faced a lot! And haven't we all? So what better way to heal and grow than to share your findings or maybe exchange some with another fellow “growthling”.  

What is a growthling? To be honest it is the only username I could get that matched my blog’s purpose- which was to share thoughts and habits of growth in order to become a more fulfilled human being. 

What sparked this interest in wanting one word, GROWTH. 

I had hit a real shitty dark blob in my path and I so desperately wanted to get out of it. That horrible thing called social anxiety and depression had hit. We were enemies then but I think we’ve made peace now. I felt stuck, trapped into panicky tears and fleeing footsteps. I was alone and I had no feeling of love around me (despite it being overwhelmingly present may I add). 

So after leaving to go home early (because I had cried in the bathroom for at least an hour because eye contact and talking had gotten too much), I decided I wanted to change the position I was in. 

And I am definitely not a guru. I fail over and over again. But I have learned how to use my failures to my advantage and to not only remove my fear of that failure but to crave the lesson learned from it.