Here We Go

i just wanted to document my experience, I guess

[finnmarn]

!!Mild Spoilers!!

"I am a wanderer, they have called me the pilgrim under the stars, the man in black, the king of night, I wait at the crossroads and I bide my time, I am ever ready and always near, and I have held my breath since the dawning of the world. "

What an absolutey masterful introduction from Mr.Mulligan and another reason this show has rotted my mind from the inside out.

[infinityonhighvevo]

yeah yeah yeah mortifying ordeal of being known and all that but sometimes a friend mentions something about you that you didn’t think was noticeable and it feels like your heart is being cradled in their hands

[marinella-ela]

[bearotonin-international]

snoofing wet beast

[thegenderal]

PEOPLE ARE DRAWING MODERN AUS OF PRINCESS MONONOKE? CUTE TEEHEE WE HAVE AN APARTMENT AND TWO DOGS AUS OF PRINCESS MONONOKE? You are insane. San would be in Jail

[thegenderal]

Shes not living in some cute apartment wearing miniskirts with two fluffy dogs San is an ecoterrorist making clothing out of shopping bags and bailing twine and builds pipe bombs in her free time

[thegenderal]

Ashitaka meets her when she tries to blow up the car of the dignitary hes shadowing & saw her for the first time when she was getting arrested and spat a bloody tooth into a cops face and fell in love on the spot. They are not living a cute life

[thegenderal]

Shes texting him photos of gangrenous wounds at 3 am like “is this infected?” And he’s replying “yeah sweetness it is ❤️ thats not on you is it?” And shes like of course not and hes like “okay good just checking love you!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️” and she responds with like two kissy emojis and a bomb. People are texting ashitaka like he’s having some sort of psychotic break.

Like “you cant be going out with a girl you met THREE DAYS AGO man HELLO?” “i proposed!” “YOU PROPOSED?” “and she said yes :)”

[thegenderal]

“I just love how driven she is :)”

“Ashitaka she is an ecoterrorist”

[guesswewillsee]

Hwhew boy I forgot what it feels like to fall out of time but I am unemployed and back on my bullshit and it is a slow approaching drone of just feeling fuckin crazy

[guesswewillsee]

Hey look I made a junk journal at my friend's house and it was dope

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Thirty

Transfem/new ground

People consider the earth feminine

Because she is fertile

Because we walk upon her back

Because she is under the sky

Because she feeds us

Because we come from her.

It's mostly about taking.

I come home to the earth

Place my hand against the trees and breathe

There's a reason they talk about divine femininity

There's a reason we use the word grounding for the sensation of finally moving back into your body in a way that doesn't sting

My specific flavour of femininity is one of the best things about me

I don't believe in a god but when I'm leaning against the moss I think it might be holy

I don't need any more than this

I never ever need more than this

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Nine

Transmasc/journey

There's a reason metamorphosis is found dotted throughout nature

It is natural to change in order to live better

The world is full of beings outgrowing old skins to find new ones they can live in

Time changes everything

We were never meant to be static

Lean into it

Grow and shift

Change however you need to live

You deserve to exist

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Eight

Bigender/superheroes

There's an obsession with the person with two identities

No one wants to watch a superhero movie unless they get to see them be slowly torn apart

Everyone wants consequences and decisions and ultimatums

Perhaps that's why I prefer werewolf films

A way to ease out of strict binary

Into something more grey

More fluid

A place where you can just exist exactly as you are

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Seven

Genderflux/fantasy

If you notice me in the corner

Fading in and out of your periphery

Just know that whenever I am gone I am finding new worlds to call home

And I am seeing it all

And if/when I return

This will be just as much home as it has always been

The sapphics love a woman with a sword

For obvious reasons

We love reading about the princess who fought her own battles

Who got to be more than a trophy for a man

We love women who are dragons

We love femme gods who are not kind

We love a woman with a spine

And I thought about trying to find some subversive take

Some caution

But I

Love women

And I love a woman with a sword

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Six

Questions/folklore

Sometimes stories are all you have

And sometimes you have to become a story

Sometimes we have to undo ourselves out of the literal and into the literature and become changelings and strange things

Sometimes we have to become warnings

Sometimes we have to become so scary that nothing and nobody ever wants to touch us again

So many hands only want to be violent.

Sometimes I just want to be a character

Unwind the third dimension off my body and slip into paper

Sometimes I just want to be words

A foot note

Scenery

The real world is so draining

There's power in stories

Passed down through generations

We've always struggled with those

Sometimes the world turns us into stories

Often monsters

And with time

Martyrs

So now we try to tell our own stories

As best we can

Try not to sell out

Try to stay real even as we weave ourselves into our own fictions

The thing I love about questions

Is that they are

By their nature

Asked.

A form of reaching out in search of knowing more

I love to learn more

I love to share what I know

Queerness

Is unthinkably vast

And so beautiful

How could I ever be content with missing even a drop of it

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Five

Complicated/pronouns

We all know it's not about grammar.

We have all scrubbed recited phrases from our tongues

We know that they do not care

We have heard the awkward laughter

The shock

The inability to understand that just because they are asked the question it doesn't mean that it's for them

We all know that they hate when their dog is misgendered

And are offended when you mix their ms mrs miss

That they aren't willing to put the work in

But looking like a bigot is somewhat out of vogue this summer

So until it's back and bigger than ever

We'll keep having conversations about grammar

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty Four

Sunset/fireworks

I love the sky

I always have

Sunsets make my heart hurt

They might be the most beautiful ending in the world

Many sunsets

By the way

Are pansexual

So am I

I trace the blues pink and yellows with my finger

One eye closed

And I finally escape into the sky

I used to love fireworks

But then I got a dog

And now it doesn't matter how pretty the lights are

Or the fact that the shhhhh crackle as they fall lifts the weight of a decade off my shoulders

I can't love anything that hurts her

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty-Three

Green carnations/building

There's a reason queerness is so colourful

And there's a reason they always picked flowers

Soft petals

Flimsy

Beautiful

A way of learning to love things that rarely get to stick around for very long

I daydream about the infrastructure

Of a queer home

On a queer street

In a queer neighbourhood

But all the stories I know about places like that

Were set in unthinkable struggle and hardship

And I feel guilty

Because a part of me still longs for community that is isn't behind screens

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty-Two

Violets/unknown

Purple is my favourite colour,

Actually.

I don't have many favourite things they make my brain fizz with the vastness of options and futility of ranking,

But I do have a favourite colour-

Purple.

It's by chance that lavender and violets and pansies all have a tendency to lean that way

Pretty gay

'Violets do best in full sun'

Beautiful things are meant to be seen,

Maybe.

'Violets are one of the cheeriest little flowers to grace the landscape'

Pretty little bursts of colour amidst the green

The metaphor writes itself, really

I could tell you about their delicacy

I could tell you about how they are perennials but treated as annuals

Perennial: lasting or existing for a long or apparently infinite time; enduring or continually reccuring

Annual: living only for a year or less

It writes itself:

Violets are near infinite,

But the gardeners only care for the blooms

And so when the flowers are going or have gone

They reach into the earth

And dig them all up

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty-One

Polari/written in code

I've always loved words

Thought in words

Struggled in words

Coped with words

Written my way out with words

Or simply written my existence into another skin if only to keep me company in the darkness of my own mind

I don't need to know it to love it.

To understand that it was a refuge of words and there was safety in the cautious curls of tongues and lips

I know intimately what it means to have a language

Mine is poetry

I hide in metaphors and turn myself into art because art is untouchable

And theirs is a mystery to me

And a part of me wants to keep it that way

To keep them safe

To promise them that this will always be their refuge

Long after there is anyone still here to speak it

Some types of injustice are so thick in your mouth that you can't even lift your tongue to speak on it

The weight of things that have already been done

There is no going back on this

No posthumous anything

I could cry forever for what they did to you

They used you

I don't know how to make this pretty

I have no more poetry

I don't want to make this beautiful

I want it to feel raw I want it to feel unfinished

I want it to feel like a waste

I want to regret it

I don't want anyone to get anything out of it but bone deep sorrow and anger and helplessness and hopelessness

I'm so sorry

[guesswewillsee]

Pridewrite Day Twenty

Camp/subculture

I am trying to find the words

There is something to the phrase

'Limp wrist'

Hand folded over like a dead fish

The word limp

Evokes frailty

It makes me think of someone running away

Or trying to

I am chasing down thoughts of the aftermath of violence

There's something there

The fixing of smudged lipstick

Clothes all skewiff

Limp wrist

Is he

You know?

I feel myself leaning in

Like a child at some show

It is not that I want them to perform

It's that their mere existence is the most captivating thing I've seen all day all week all month

I just want

I am a passing queer

Passing (derogatory)

I am grateful for the safety but when I see them in their flamboyant glory

Their so much gender but never gendered ease

I understand why nature is full of such bright colours

I feel myself come alive on the sheer proximity

There is nothing more beautiful to me than unrelenting unapologetic unhidden overly comfortable second skin

Queerness