I just need someplace to vent. I have so much on my mind, but no one to let it all out to. So, I figured tumblr is the place to do it. This is all rather pathetic and quite pointless to even be bothered by, but every time I'm alone for so long, it all seems to just build up from one thought onto the other. I can't help but finding myself in complete disgust with who and how I am as a person now. I feel so pathetic and weak for letting so much bother me. I get so upset because I've met so many guys and have tried sparking up some time of anything with them, but I'm always stood up and constantly dropped after a week. I'm ignored and can't grasp why. I imagine it's that I'm clingy, but I know I'm not. I keep myself from texting too often or coming off too strong. So, I figure it's just because I look unappealing. Except, I hear quite often that I'm not. I just don't get what I do. And I let that get to me. It drives me insane, the not knowing. Which then brings me to think about how it seems to have happened quite often in my life with anyone I'm dear to, the whole dropping me like dead weight. With my mother, who I still don't know what it was to make her not feel so strongly of her own children that she could simply abandon us without a hint of what was going on, where she was. I mean, was it us? Me? Was it that bad here? I'm always flooded with the thought that it's all me. What else could drive her away. Wouldn't it make sense, that it's me. Since those guys, my mother, they're not the only ones who just drop me. My supposed best friends walked out of my life as if we had never known each other. Nothing had gone on between us, no bonding. Nothing. It has to be me. Am I just destined to be lonesome forever? I shouldn't be too concerned though, if I were optimistic and all. I could just look at it as a time for me to focus solely on myself. That's why it keeps happening. Cause I'm suppose to be focusing on myself, bettering my life, getting everything together. But it's the worst feeling, being so alone. I'm away from my only best friend constantly and everyone I work with aren't really friends of mine. I don't have anyone. It's such a terrible feeling of emptiness. It's a strange feeling I get every time I realize how alone I am. It's hard to pull myself back to a normal reality when I get in that lost daze of loneliness. Like it's some black hole sucking me in; a bottomless pit. It must be me. My pathetic, disgusting self that keeps people from being close to me or even wanting to stay in my life for that matter. I even hate myself for some of the shit I can pull. I can understand, but can't. It makes sense, then it doesn't. It's so contradicting. I just wish I had someone who'd stay for once. Who would want to stay.
vaporwave
origamiaround
pixelskylines
tangentwithtanner
prguitarman
