SURVIVOR

your voice 𝕖𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕖𝕤 in the back of my mind

[guiltgilded]

pandorafancourt‌:

She was beaming, leaning close as she listened to Xanthus discuss Wendy. “That sounds like something,” Pandora mused quietly, a gleeful and mischievous edge in her tone. “I can’t believe you’ve been pining over someone for years and I have yet to hear about it like this. That’s it, we’re going to have to make sure she gets the hint if she hasn’t already.” A grin as she leaned further back. “Believe it or not, I can be a damn good wingwoman.”

The question shot back at her made Pandora’s grin turn a bit more sheepish. She looked away, shaking her head. “If you mean whether or not I can have sex right now-” Pandora offered, looking back at him. “Yes, I can.” Her voice lowered, though there was no one around. “My parents forced a checkup on me during winter break after you left…” Her lips pursed. She hadn’t told anyone about the checkup yet either. “I know what I can and cannot do for a while.” 

“Well - I don’t -”

Xanthus whined, frowning, and played with a bracelet on his wrist. “I don’t wanna like, manipulate her into being with me. You know? I feel like she woulda said something by now if she was interested in me, so... I just want it to be natural. Maybe she’s not into guys really?” And then he shrugged, trying to not get his hopes up too much but also trying not to be a huge downer.

He kept his voice low when they talked about her, partially covering his mouth with his hand. “That’s good to hear.” A little chuckled escaped his lips. “If you want me to point you towards any blokes, I know loads... Although, so many of ‘em are gettin’ paired off, y’know? Arranged marriages? I’m glad my parents never subscribed to any of that...” His blue eyes raised slightly to meet hers.

[guiltgilded]

isaac-buchanan‌:

“Also because there is no someone else, right?” Isaac tried again, remembering that Xanthus didn’t actually tell him whether there’s another dealer on campus earlier. He made sure to ask with no menace in his voice, however. Threatening his best client was not the best way to do business. 

Isaac shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The conversation was threatening to become more personal and Isaac didn’t go for that thing. Especially with his clients. While he wasn’t completely ice-cold, especially to Xanthus’ circumstances, he’d rather not have to deal with it. He’s not the best person to talk about this stuff anyway. “I know,” he replied. While he tried to go for being comforting, it just sounded dismissive. “You don’t have to talk about it.” Really he didn’t. “But listen… It might be good for you… if you find someone to take those with. If you don’t have one already.”

“Yes. Of course there’s no one else!” Xanthus insisted. He was a bit annoyed by how worried Isaac was about having some competition at the school, and now he was certain that he’d never utter the name of another dealer to the boy. It was too dangerous.

He put his hands between his knees and stared down at them, eyebrows kitted together as he listened to Isaac’s suggestion. It wasn’t a bad idea to talk to someone, especially with how vulnerable he’d felt after speaking about the tragedy to Pandora. Truthfully, he was overcome with guilt every night, and he could barely get through the day without self-medicating. Although the boy might’ve thought he sounded dismissive, Xanthus took his words with the best of intentions. “I don’t want to take them alone, you know...” His eyes rose to meet Isaac’s. “I just... Even I don’t have enough friends to find someone to join me every night. I’d ask you, but... I know you’d say no.”

[guiltgilded]

pandorafancourt‌:

“’M teeeasing,” she said with a smile and playful flick of his long, blonde hair. “Fine.” The truth was, Pandora hasn’t all that worried about studying very hard. Grades had always been easy enough for her to achieve and she was also adamant that whatever Xanthus did, he would have a great future ahead of him outside of Hogwarts.

Pandora hazel eyes were wide with interest and bright with glee. Her lips curled up in a wide grin. “Wendy Slinkhard? The Hufflepuff? The one that’s really good at Herbology?” She leaned closer and narrowed her eyes with a look of slight and playful mischief. “… Do I sense a crush, Xan? Or is this another fun little escapade?” She started to chuckle lightly. Pandora was no stranger to Xanthus’ stories and hedonistic habits, nor did she shy away from hearing about them. To a much lesser extent, Pandora had the same sort of reckless fun and Xenophilius had never been the type. 

It was easy to get Xanthus to perk up, and as soon as Pandora allowed him to close his book, he was immediately full of energy again. Wow, it was as if he had never even started studying!

“A crush? Panda, I have been flattened by the weight of how much I’ve fancied that girl for years. I’ve done absolutely nothing with her... If you count holding hands, I guess that’s something?” Xanthus covered his face and laughed, almost embarrassed by how long it’d taken him to get this far with her. At times, he wondered if she even realized he liked her at all... He could be surprisingly blunt, and yet, here they still were. 

“What about you?” He threw the question back at her, ocean-blue eyes peeking out from behind his fingers. “Up to anything interesting? Or is it too soon for that? Or...? Can you even...? Should you, because...?” The poor boy had no idea if she should even have sex while being pregnant, but he was careful not to shout her secret to the common room.

[guiltgilded]

bertram--aubrey‌:

Bertram ‘s face started feeling warm as he felt the blood rush to his head after Xanthus calling him cute. He was sure that Xanthus meant it in a patronizing way. Or at least, the way that someone might call pugs “cute”. Maybe it was a pity compliment. But he can’t help but feel flustered all the same. Xanthus’ determination definitely contributed to his nerves which caused him to knock the folder off the table.

Bertram started picking up the flurry of photographs when he reached for a particular photo of Xanthus. His fingers have already picked up and brought it closer for him to see before his brain fully registered what he was seeing. It was a picture of Xanthus. Shirtless. His biceps were noticeable as the Ravenclaw posed for the camera. Bertram’s mind raced to the events that morning and the redness of his face worsened. In a panic, Bertram dropped the photo before Xanthus could fully grab it, causing it to fall on the floor once more. “Sorry! I - uh, No! I don’t want to look. I’m sureyoudidn’t… wantmetoseethem…” Bertram started rushing through his words as he hurriedly stood up. The picture was probably meant for a lover. Bertram felt like he just violated Xanthus and yet, his mind still wanted to take another peek. “Maybe I should go…”

“Well -”

Xanthus finally managed to get a hold of the picture that Bertram had dropped several times by now, and he looked at it with great scrutiny. Sure, it was a little embarrassing, but it was a good picture and he’d be proud to show it off! “My hair’s a little messy, but otherwise I think it’s a nice - oh, you don’t want to see it anyway?”

He glanced up as the boy stood, tilting his head. Few people around the campus had yet to see Xanthus shirtless, so he couldn’t fathom why Bertram was so put off by the idea. Maybe he didn’t like men at all? What a shame! He was nervous and a little shy, but he seemed like a sweetheart. 

It only took him a minute to grab the rest of the photos and stack them up, sliding them back into his portfolio. “Sorry - I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable,” said Xanthus, truly apologetic as he fastened the portfolio closed. “Let me know if I’m ever making you feel weird, okay? I know I can push people’s buttons, but... I don’t want to hurt anybody.”

[guiltgilded]

isaac-buchanan‌:

Isaac looked at him unimpressed. He never understood those who felt the need to shag like rodents with no tomorrow, much less those who boasted about it as if it was an achievement to be proud about. Isaac was no virgin himself, but he’d rather keep bedroom matters where they belonged. In the bedroom. Isaac reached for the coins and counted them underneath the moonlight. Xanthus paid him a couple galleons more and Isaac returned the excess. May no one ever say that he wasn’t fair to his customers. “This should be enough.”

Isaac turned his head to watch the other guy join him by the parapet and studied his face. He learned very early on to take whatever Isaac said with a grain of salt. The Slytherin never saw the other boy as a friend nor did he ever wanted to make him into one and Isaac made it pretty clear early on that their relationship was purely about business. While Xanthus’ statement of his loyalty was appreciated, there was no way to guarantee that that would be the case indefinitely. Isaac allowed himself to smile at Xanthus’ words. “That you do, mate. Because I’ve never given you reason no to, have I?”

Isaac was always strictly business with Xanthus, and to be completely honest, it got on his nerves. For how often they saw each other, he desperately wanted to be closer to the other boy than just business partners, bus Isaac was so aloof and distant that he was never able to drive the nails into their friendship coffin. A metaphor like that surely explained how Isaac felt about the situation as well.

“Of course. Your stuff is pure and convenient - why would I buy from anyone else?” And although Xanthus definitely wouldn’t buy from another source as long as Isaac was around, there was another reason why he might slow his roll. “I mean... I know I’ve been buying a lot lately, and I dunno if I’m gonna keep that up forever, but for now... While I... You know...”

[guiltgilded]

pandorafancourt‌:

Pandora turned the page, already looking to start them both on the next paragraph. She had an extra sheet of parchment if they went a little over on their note-taking but she fulled expected that Xanthus would be patient enough to at least finish another chapter. But she was wrong. When she looked up and realized, once more, that this was Xanthus and certainly not Xenophilius she was talking to - Pandora smiled. It had been the first time such a realization hit her without overwhelming grief. The grief came, as it always did, but she could begin to control it at least a little. It helped that she would have gone to the ends of the Earth for the friend before her.

“You lazy shit,” she teased him with playful exasperation. Pandora shut the book. “You’re exactly as smart as him, you’re just distracted.” She crossed her arms over the table and eyed Xanthus expectantly. “Well? What is it this time? Some hot plaything you’re thinking about? Someone or something clearly more important than your fast approaching exams…”

“It’s not that I’m lazy,” said Xanthus with a little huff, lifting his head and resting it on his palms. “I’m just no good at transfiguration. I wanted to drop it, but Flitwick said I wouldn’t have enough courses to graduate if I did...” If he had it his way, the only classes he’d have to attend would be Herbology, Divination, and Care of Magical Creatures, but unfortunately there was no way in hell that three courses would be enough to warrant a diploma.

Although he really was self-conscious about his lack of academic prowess, Pandora’s lighthearted teasing still put a smile on his face. His cheeks went pink and he rolled his eyes, glancing off to the side. “Oh, just about anything’s more interesting than exams... I’ve got a date with Wendy Slinkhard tomorrow, you know. It’s Valentine’s Day and her birthday. Pretty hard to concentrate with that on my mind - it’s taken me bloody years to ask her out!”

[guiltgilded]

The Chains That Control Us || 13.02.78

Ravenclaw common room, 4:58pm

“... The three most common complications during advanced transfiguration are partial transfiguration...”

Xanthus balanced his quill on the pad of his index finger, the slim feather wiggling around and eventually falling as he caught it in his palm.

“... Transfiguration of animate beings into inanimate objects can be accomplished, but should be reversed with three days, or else...”

His gaze roamed across the room and he spotted a ‘friend’ perched in a window seat, who blushed and turned away after he wiggled his brows at him.

“... Before attempting this spell, it is important to take the proper precautions in order to protect yourself from potential backfires...”

A long, deep sigh left him and he dropped his quill into his book, flopping his head into the pages as well. It had only been an hour of torturous studying, but Pandora had already exhausted all of his energy for schoolwork. Xanthus rolled his head to the side to look over at her with puppy-dog eyes.

“Can’t we take a little break? I’m just not as smart as Xeno was...”

@pandorafancourt

[guiltgilded]

cheesyfrazer‌:

She tried to clamp her mouth shut to stop the coughing but another forced its way to the back of her throat, her hand automatically snapping to cover her mouth before she could take the joint back from Xanthus. “Is it supposed to–” she pulled a face and put her hand on her chest, though the smoke had now ceased to irritate her.

He made it look so easy, so cool, and Brie wanted to try and copy the way he had somehow held the smoke in without choking before he blew it out, slowly, purposefully. “Only if I don’t feel it in a few minutes?” she asked, half wondering how she was supposed to know if enough time had passed and half wanting another go now to figure out if she had made some mistake.

Xanthus’ eyebrows rose when she had her little coughing fit, and he reached over to rub her back in soothing circles. “It hurts a little at first,” he said with a shrug, taking another puff and making sure to blow the smoke away from her this time. “You get used to it, just like everyone does with cigs.”

In no time, his worries melted way, and he threw an arm over her shoulders as he leaned back and gazed at the night sky. “Yeah, give it a few minutes. It’s like - have you ever heard of someone taking an edible, and then eating like three more because they don’t feel it right away? And then they quantum shit themselves into another dimension or something? Well, smoke hits you faster than that, but it’s still best to take it easy, especially since this is your first time. Have you ever had other drugs, or is this your first time getting high?”

[guiltgilded]

unafraiidoftoil‌:

Excitement filled her insides, making her feel light and weighted all at the same time. Her birthday always made her quite excited, if she were being honest, because it meant another year older and Valentine’s Day. The world dressed in pink and red and hearts all around her. For someone as foolish and silly as Wendy Slinkhard, having a Valentine’s Day birthday is easily the best thing. And she got to spend it with one of her best friends, having asked her for lunch that day in Hogsmeade, what could go wrong?

Not once did it cross her mind that this would be a real date, one that would be filled with some level of romance, not when it came to Xan. He’s one of her best friends and always felt completely oblivious when it came to feelings that were a little more than platonic – whether ones she felt or ones that someone else felt for her. Wendy dressed normally, all the way to her dirty trainers and still a bit of dirt on her hands from her plants needing a little extra soil. As she neared the meeting place, spotting Xan instantly, she felt her smile widen at the sight of him. He always dressed so smart, so elegant and sometimes it made her wonder why she didn’t put extra work into her appearance.

“Merlin, Xan, don’t you look great,” she greeted, almost reaching out to feel the fabric of his robes but deciding against it. “You always look great though, that’s why you’re the one I go to for fashion advice.” She joked, eyes peering down to what he had in his hands, her whole face brightening up as she smiled even wider. “Is that for me?”

Oh boy oh boy, he had really overdressed this time. It was truly as bad as it could possibly be - maybe Wendy didn’t want to walk around in her nice clothes? Or perhaps she’d been running late and had needed to get some work done at the greenhouses? Either way, Xanthus’ eyes still lit up as she came to his side, and he pulled her into a hug with a little spin, lifting her off of her feet before carefully placing her back on the ground.

“I wanted to look my best for your special day! But it’s not about me, anyway - it’s about you! Happy birthday, Wendy!” Xanthus said with all of the enthusiasm in the world, his cheeks already hurting from smiling too much. He chuckled and twirled the small bag around his finger, tutting at her. “It might be for youuu... You’ll just have to wait and see... ‘Cuz we’ve got lots of stuff to do first besides open presents! Oh shit, I kinda just gave it away, yeah this is for you.” He snorted at himself, facepalming, and then hid the bag away somewhere in the abyss of his robes.

Xanthus held out one of his hands for her to tug her along towards Madame Puddifoot’s, where he’d gotten them a reservation despite how hugely popular the tea shop was on Valentine’s day. “First, let’s have some food, and then we can do some window shopping and hang out!”

[guiltgilded]

Chatterbox || 07.01.78

[guiltgilded]

berthjorkins‌:

“Hmmm.” She considered what he was trying to tell her, nothing much sticking inside her brain much. Narcissistic? No empathy? Didn’t really match the opinion that she had of him but everyone was at value to their own opinion. While with anyone else she might have vehemently tried to deny these names in protecting Gilderoy’s reputation with Xan she felt different. She didn’t want to rock the boat and well, did it really matter in the long run if the three of them weren’t besties? “I’ll write it down as noted, I mean he does love mirrors as you say. And sometimes I feel like he isn’t listening to me but I still like him.”

She giggled at his last point, pulling him into a big bear hug. As much as a bear hug that Bertha could give to a giant that was a foot taller than her. “Yes but it’s okay if you’re not okay for a little while. Take some time to heal and if you ever want to go on an exciting adventure I’ve got a bunch. I actually need to go on a recon mission to the greenhouse, heard there might be some secrets there.”

There was nothing Xanthus could do but shrug. “Whatever floats your boat, sister,” he said, stuffing the last big of sausage in his mouth to clean his plate. He downed the rest of his juice and stifled a burp as Bertha pulled him into a hug, causing him to laugh and wrap his arms around her. After a little squeeze, he let go and smiled, tilting his head.

“The greenhouse?” Xanthus’ eyes went wide and his hands reached up to rub his slightly-scruffy chin. Although he knew there was nothing to actually be scared of, every time he heard that someone was going down to the greenhouses, his favourite girl in the world came to mind. He cleared his throat, one of his hands forming into a fist around his fork. “I’d stay away from greenhouse number three... Although, if you do find any secrets there, let me know. I’m still looking to get my hands on whoever messed with Wendy.”

[guiltgilded]

isaac-buchanan‌:

Isaac simply nodded in acknowledgment. He would very much appreciate if Xanthus wouldn’t try anything with him, drug-induced or otherwise. Even if men weren’t his cup of tea, the Slytherin knows that there’s more than one way to life. In his line of business, men sleeping with men were definitely not the strangest thing in the world. “Other people have used this on others when on the pull. Not sure if you’re that kinda person but… that’s one use of mandrakes.”

Isaac crossed his arms and watched Xanthus stack his payment, counting in his head has the Ravenclaw stacked one coin on top of the other. “I know a guy. Not on campus.” He crossed his arms. The last time someone else tried to deal on campus, threatening to take his buyers, it hadn’t ended well for them. “There isn’t,” he said. “And if there is, I trust that you’ll tell me.”

“Well - I don’t really need to do that. If I wanna shag, I’ve got at least a dozen friends that’ll saddle right the fuck up.” Weird flex, Xanthus, but okay. He counted out the coins again before placing them carefully into Isaac’s palm, tilting his head. “That should be enough? I don’t know how expensive the mandrakes are, so...” A little jingle of his coin pouch as he put it back into his pocket signaled that he’d be willing to part with a bit more money if necessary.

And then he stood, walking over to the parapet and resting his hands on the stone as he looked out at the castle grounds. “Oh, you know I’ve only got eyes for you,” he teased, shooting a quick glance over his shoulder. Although he did feel loyal to Isaac, he would never snitch to him if he found that another student was dealing. The best case scenario there would be to tell the poor student that he’d better cut it out if he wanted to keep all of his fingers, and to feign ignorance if Isaac brought it up. “Besides, you give me the best prices around here anyway. I appreciate that - I spend a looot of money on you, mate.”

[guiltgilded]

bertram--aubrey‌:

Bertram almost froze. He didn’t even notice that Xanthus offered the seat beside him. Did he hear the other boy correctly? “Cute? …You think so?”  Bertram did hear the other boy’s words. Normally, it would have made him as red as a tomato, fanning himself like an 18th-century prude. But the fear of being under the spotlight trumped any giddy feeling that threatened to bubble inside him. “I don’t know,” Bertram said, almost sadly. “Maybe you can put Charity then! She probably deserves it more!” Instead of sitting, Bertram reached for the stack of photos from the recital, hoping to see pictures of Charity when he accidentally knocked the accordion folder unto the floor. “God! I’m so sorry.” Bertram quickly went on his knees to pick up any fallen photos on the floor.

Xanthus beamed up at Bertram, nodding enthusiastically. “You’re cute as a button!” But he quickly got back down to business, pouting at the boy and shaking his head. “Bert, you deserve it just as much as anyone else,” he said, pursing his lips and then furrowing his brow as he reached for a stack of photos that he’d previously submitted to the paper, shuffling through them. “You know, I don’t think you’ve had your picture in the paper ever. Certainly not since I’ve been part of the club, at least... So, it’s your turn, buddy.”

Just moments after he made his final decision, a few dozen prints fluttered to the floor and Xanthus quickly crouched down to help gather them. “Oh - haha! No worries,” he assured Bertram, but upon further inspection of the photos he was picking up, his freckled cheeks went slightly pink. He reached out for the ones the other boy was holding - in particular, one of him flexing while shirtless, winking and holding up a peace sign. “Shiiit, whoops, gimme those... I mean, you can look if you really wanna, haha, they’re uh... For a friend...”

[guiltgilded]

isaac-buchanan‌:

The Slytherin allowed himself a half-smirk as he reached for the bag of weed in his pocket and passed it to Xanthus as well. He normally would demand payment first but he trusted the Ravenclaw. They have had many transactions and not once have Xanthus given him any reason to believe that he’d shortchange him. As usual, Isaac simply listened to Xanthus’ tangents and said nothing in return.

Isaac took a mental note to possibly return the PCP. Xanthus refusing down a drug was often a good sign that no one else in the castle would buy them. “Mandies, ludes, soaps…” Any decent businessmen should know their own products. He asked his cousin to send everything that he needed to know about it. “Could take it with weed or alcohol.”

“Haven’t tried it.” Isaac shrugged. And he doesn’t think that he’ll ever will, if he were being honest. “’Was told it’s like if ecstasy was a downer. Gives you euphoria. Lucid hypnosis. You might want to watch who you’re around with because you’d probably say yes if they want to fuck.” Isaac listed it off just like he would recite a grocery list. “A few hours give or take.” Isaac looked over to the other boy, reminding himself of his built. “Might be a little bit less for you though, but it’s still worth the coin.” 

Xanthus quickly pocketed his weed and took out his coin bag, plopping it into his lap to show that he would be more than happy to pay as soon as he finalized his choices. He kept staring at the little vial as Isaac explained the drugs effects, a smile pulling at the corners of his lips until he looked up and barked a laugh.

“That sounds perfect. I’ll let you know when I’m taking it so that I don’t frisky with you, but damn, anyone else is fair game.” He waggled a finger at the boy, grinning, and slipped the vial into his pocket before loosening the drawstring on his coin pouch. If only his parents knew where the extra allowance they were sending him was going...

He searched for galleons and started making a little stack next to him on the bench. “You’ve always got something new and spiffy up your sleeve... Where do you find out about these things if you’re not usin’? If there another dealer on campus?”

[guiltgilded]

@bertram--aubrey

[guiltgilded]

bertram--aubrey‌:

Bertram stood awkwardly in the room as he watched Xanthus walk into the room and reach for his an accordion folder before settling on a table. Curious, Bertram walked over to stand behind him, looking at the photos over Xanthus’ shoulder. There he was. Looking flustered but at the same time, excited for the show. The photos looked great and Xanthus actually made him kinda cute… “They’re all amazing,” Bertram remarked. 

But a couple of good photos isn’t enough to rid him of his insecurities. “What are these for again? For the paper? Does it have to show me so… prominently?” He reached for the back of his head and scratched, a habit he had formed whenever he was trying to get away with something. Bertram turned to look at the accordion folder. “Why not use someone else’s photos? Like… Maybe Gilderoy?” Gilderoy seemed like the better choice anyway, being the President of the Frog Choir. Plus, Bertram would hate being at the receiving end of his stares when he learned that the Gryffindor made the paper and not him.

“As much as I like Gilderoy, he’s already in every issue we release! I don’t think it’s fair that other people get overlooked just to stroke his ego... Besides, see how cute you are right here?” Xanthus pointed to the picture in the middle, a particularly handsome portrait of Bertram smiling and looking at something off-camera. “It’d be a shame not to publish this for everyone to see!”

He turned to look over his shoulder, patting the seat next to him for the boy to sit down. If Bertram truly couldn’t bear to see his picture in the paper, he wouldn’t force it, but Xanthus partially just wanted to see the look on Gilderoy’s face when he realized his photo had been passed up - for a much more genuine one, too. “The picture will go next to an article about the choir’s concert, and we’ve already got a quote from Gil in there anyway. I wanna diversify a little bit!”

[guiltgilded]

You Are the Sunshine After the Rain  || 14.02.79

Hogsmeade entrance, 10:59am

It had taken years to build up the courage, but finally he was going on a date with Wendy Slinkhard. On her birthday and Valentine’s Day, no less! There was no possible way for it to be more romantic, and Xanthus was absolutely giddy with excitement, dressed to impress in purple silk robes. He’d even recruited the help of Gilderoy to make sure that his hair was perfectly styled, braided like viking royalty with ribbons woven throughout.

Okay. Maybe he was a little over the top, but it wasn’t unheard of for Xanthus to show up to a date dressed to the nines, he just hoped that Wendy wouldn’t find it too strange.

For once, he was punctual, arriving one minute before they were scheduled to meet up for lunch and some window shopping. He rocked back and forth on his heels, whistling and watching the path as he fidgeted with a small bag he’d brought for her.

@unafraiidoftoil

[guiltgilded]

isaac-buchanan‌:

Isaac heard him first before he saw him. He turned his head first, just to make sure it really was Xanthus and not some fourth-year looking for a place to rendezvous with their lover. He nodded in acknowledgment as Xanthus squeezed his shoulder. Of course, he was on time. Isaac was no bloody amateur. Isaac turned towards the Ravenclaw, elbows propped against the parapet as he leaned on it. “Not gonna need a refill of your usual then?” he asked. Inside his right pocket, he had a bag filled with an ounce of weed, just in case. 

Isaac had anticipated that request. That’s why other than the usual stock he has been receiving from his cousin, he added a few more things to the list. He even asked if there were new strains or new pills they wanted to test out. Now, Isaac’s stock was more diverse than ever. “Some shrooms. Acid.” Isaac reached inside his left pocket and fished out the smallest vial he had. “They call these ‘mandrakes’ if you want to try. A downer.” Isaac offered it to Xanthus to give him a closer look. “’ Have some Angel dust too.”

Xanthus chuckled and shook his head. “Oh no, I definitely need the weed. The day I stop getting my usual is the day I die... Or maybe the day I have a kid, I dunno, depends on how well my life is going by then.” It also depends how uptight the mother is, but we won’t talk about that right now.

He leaned back on the parapet, looking up at Isaac and scrunching up his nose. “I don’t like PCP... It makes me irritable, and then I end up punching through walls.” With strength like his, losing the ability to feel pain made any inkling of a violent outburst into something dangerous for himself and everyone around him. 

“I could take some shrooms... And uh, mandrakes? What else is it called?” Xanthus reached out to hold the vial, examining it in the low light. “I like downers. Have you tried it? What’s it like, and how long does it last for?”