Terrence Eubanks and Cory Braxton had been friends since kindergarten. They met when Terrence dropped his cupcake on the floor and Cory offered him half of his. That seemed to be the perfect representation of their friendship; when one has a problem or loses something, the other is right there to solve that problem or replace what’s been lost. When they had a disagreement or argued about something, it was easily resolved and then forgotten. But then came the biggest challenge to their relationship: the actual possibility of a relationship. It all began with an unexpected and completely spontaneous sexual encounter in Terrence’s bedroom one night. The next morning, the two of them had to face the consequences of their actions.
“You see my boxers anywhere?” Cory asked as he searched Terrence’s room for his clothes.
“They’re over by the closet,” Terrence revealed, pointing to the area where the Skittles themed boxers were lying. He stared at Cory’s nude body as Cory bent down to pick up the boxers and put them on. “You might wanna climb down the tree because I don’t think my parents have left for work yet.”
“I was gonna do that anyway.”
As bad as Terrence wanted to say more, his mouth wouldn’t say what his mind wanted it to say. He wanted to ask his best friend was everything cool between them. He wanted to know how Cory felt about what they did the night before. They’d spent the night with each other hundreds of times over the course of their thirteen year long friendship, but never had they done what they did and then proceed to hold each other all night long. Was everything cool between them after that? To Terrence, it seemed like he was the only one stressing over it.
“See you at school, man.”
“Cory, hold up.” He climbed out his bed, still naked from head to toe. “Are we…good?”
“Last night was…it was kinda wild, man. I’m surprised we didn’t wake my parents or my little brother and sister. I just don’t want this to effect…”
“Bro, we’re good. We’re still homeboys, no matter what. Now put your damn clothes on.” He laughed and playfully pushed Terrence back. “I’ll see you at school.”
After grabbing his jacket and putting it on, Cory climbed out of the window and climbed down the tree to leave. He thought about the night before as he rode his bike down the street and out of the Bridgewood subdivision where Terrence lived. As conflicted as it all was in his mind, he didn’t regret what went down between him and Terrence the night before. He didn’t regret play wrestling with his friend and he definitely didn’t feel ashamed that his dick got hard while wrestling with his friend. When he kissed Terrence, he knew Terrence would kiss him back.
For Terrence, it was slightly different. He wasn’t ashamed about what they did either, but he was more worried about what it would do to their friendship. They’d always been there for each other and he didn’t want that to change. He also didn’t want people to look at them and automatically know that they’d spent the night sucking each other, rimming each other, kissing and cuddling. He’d been curious about his sexuality since age fourteen but wasn’t out and didn’t plan on being out anytime soon.
“What were you doing in your room last night?” Mrs. Eubanks asked him as she entered the kitchen. “I heard a lot of bumping.”
“I was testing new tricks on my skateboard,” he lied. “I didn’t keep you and dad up, did I?”
“No. I only heard it when I got up to go to the bathroom.” She stepped over to the coffeemaker and started to make some coffee just as Mr. Eubanks was entering the kitchen.
“My buddy Roy is coming over this afternoon,” he said to Terrence. “So make sure you come straight here after school. He’s going to have brochures and all the info you’ll need.”
“I thought we were going to talk about it first, dad. I’m still not sure if I want to be a Marine.”
“Son, you need discipline. You’ll also learn a lot of life lessons while serving this country. I wouldn’t be the man I am if I hadn’t joined the Marines. Besides, my father was a Marine and I’m his firstborn son. You’re my firstborn son and you need to follow the tradition.”
“I don’t know if you noticed but our country is at war. What happens if I get deployed?”
“Then you’ll serve this country and fight for what it stands for. Don’t you love this country?”
“Terrence, that’s enough,” Mrs. Eubanks chimed in. “Don’t argue with your father.”
“I’m not arguing with him,” he explained. “I’m just not joining the Marines and nothing he says will make me change my mind.”
“Boy, what did you just say?”
“I said I’m not joining the Marines. You can’t make me. I’m eighteen and you can’t make me do anything.”
Mr. Eubanks balled his fists and took a step towards him before saying, “You talk back to me one more time and your ass will be on that floor picking up your goddamn teeth! Have your narrow ass back at this house before five this afternoon. Do you understand me?”
“Harold, calm down,” said Mrs. Eubanks.
“Woman, I am talking to my son. Stay out of this.”
“Why do you have to talk to mama like that? See, the Marines did nothing but make you bitter and angry. Or are we still pretending like you didn’t have a drinking problem up until two years ago?” Mr. Eubanks stepped up to him but he didn’t back down.
“You’re older but you’re not big enough to take your old man. Boy, I will snap you in half before you can even call out for help. You’re going to be in this house this afternoon and you’re going to listen to everything Roy and I have to say. Do you understand me?”
Terrence looked down at the floor for a second and then back up into his father’s eyes. He sighed before reluctantly giving in and replying, “Yes, sir.”
“Now get to school before you’re late.”
He quickly left the kitchen and grabbed his skateboard and backpack from the living room before heading out of the house. As he made his way to Hilton-McAdams High, he tried to block the hatred he starting to feel for his father out of his mind. When his dad used to drink, he’d take out his frustrations on Terrence or Mrs. Eubanks. Things changed when his dad went away to rehab for a few months but it was never like it was before the drinking. The tension was still there and everyone in the house feared Mr. Eubanks. But Terrence was fed up with being afraid of someone he was supposed to love. His fear was turning more and more into hatred each day.
“You coming to the park after school?” Terrence’s friend Ethan asked him as they played on their skateboards in the senior courtyard at school. “That new ramp they put up looks awesome, man.”
“I can’t. I have to get home after school for something.”
“Dang, that’s too bad. All the skater chicks from the prep school across town are gonna be there, and you know they’re wilder than the bitches here.”
Cory appeared out of nowhere and shoved Ethan and said, “Outta the way, white boy.”
“Why do you always do that?” Ethan asked him.
“Step off, white boy. Get lost.” He waited for Ethan to walk away before turning to Terrence and asking, “Why do you keep hanging with that cracker? You fuck him in the ass or something?”
“Cory, I’m not in the mood for this shit.”
“I’m just fucking with you, bro.” He laughed but stopped when he noticed how stressed Terrence seemed. “Yo, what’s the matter? You’re not trippin’ over what went down last night, are you?”
“I’m not talking to you about that in public, Cory. That ain’t even why I’m pissed off.”
“I’ll talk to you about it later.”
“But I’m not gonna see you until lunch.”
“Then we’ll talk about it at lunch. Meet me on the steps in the back of the library. Nobody will be around out there during lunch.” The bell rang and they walked away from each other to head to first period.
During his classes, Terrence’s focus was on his problems at home. He knew there would be no way his dad would see his point of view. Thoughts of running away had always been on his mind but they were as strong as they’d ever been that day. The only reason he hadn’t run away was because he didn’t want to upset his mom and young siblings; especially his siblings because they looked up to him. There had to be a way, he thought. There just had to be a way for him and his dad to reach some middle ground, because he knew that if things kept going the way there were going then he’d end up running away and never coming back.
Right before his lunch block, he got called to the guidance office. He didn’t want to miss Cory, so he hurried to the office as fast as he could. The twelfth grade guidance counselor, Mr. Pruitt, was talking with another student so Terrence had to wait until they were finished. When they were finally finished and the student left, Mr. Pruitt called Terrence into his office. Terrence walked in and sat down across from him. He had no idea why he was called there and hoped he wasn’t in trouble. That was the last thing he needed.
“Terrence,” said Mr. Pruitt, looking over the top of his glasses at Terrence, “I have good news for you.”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Terrence said with relief. “What is it?”
“You won the Sandra Hilton-McAdams Essayist of Tomorrow competition.”
“What? Are you serious?” For the first time that morning, he smiled.
“Yes, your essay ‘Endless River’ was chosen by me and the other judges. You’ll get to read your essay in front of the school and the mayor next Friday. More importantly, you have earned the scholarship. The full ride scholarship will be applied towards your tuition and room and board at the university you will be enrolled in next fall. Congratulations.” He stood up and extended his hand to shake Terrence’s hand and Terrence stood up and shook it.
“Thank you, sir. I wasn’t expecting my essay to win when I submitted it.”
“Our vote was unanimous. Not only was your essay full of insight, it was put together in such a stylistic and professional manner. I must know, what exactly is the meaning behind the river metaphor?”
“It’s actually something very personal to me that I’m not yet willing to share. I really wanted people who read it to come to their own conclusions as to what the metaphor means. I also wanted them to put themselves in my shoes and think of what’s their river.”
“That is fascinating. I cannot wait for you to read the essay in front of the students here. I think they’ll enjoy it as much as I and the judges who voted for it have. Well, I won’t take any more minutes out of your lunch break so you’re free to go.”
“Thanks again, Mr. Pruitt. I really needed something good to happen to me today. Now I’m really looking forward to my college acceptance letters.”
“I bet you are. Have a nice day, Terrence.”
“You too, Mr. Pruitt.” He left the office and made it halfway to the cafeteria before he remembered he was supposed to meet up with Cory. He ran back towards the library and exited the building through the side doors. He made his way around to the back of the library and was relieved to see Cory sitting on the steps waiting for him. “Sorry man, I got held up in the guidance office.”
“Guidance office?” asked Cory. “What were you doing there?”
“I’ll tell you about it later. First, I need to talk to you about…”
“Last night. I know, man; it’s been on my mind, too.”
“No, that’s not what I wanna talk about. My dad is still bugging the shit out of me about joining the Marines. I have to go straight home after school today to talk to one of his Marine recruiter friends.”
“He’s not playing around, huh?”
“Nope. I don’t want to be in the Marines. I’ve never wanted to be a part of it. I only said I did because I wanted to please my dad and my grandpa.”
“There’s only one thing you can do, Terry. You gotta tell him no.”
“He’s not going to take no for an answer.”
“What can he do? If he hits you then you can have him locked up.”
“Nah, fuck that. If he hits me then I’m hitting his ass back. I’m not gonna let it go back to how it was.”
“I wanted to kill him for how he used to put his hands on you and your mama. I still don’t like him now.”
“He’s been different since he quit drinking two years ago but that anger is still in his voice. I hear it every time he’s mad at me or at mama. I don’t want Kayla and Kendall to see that side of him. They were toddlers when dad went into rehab. All they know is him being sober.” He shook his head and sat down on the steps beside Cory. “I just wish things could go back to how they were.”
“It was never bad between us. At least you could say that.”
“Yeah, that’s what my essay was about.”
“The school essay competition, remember?”
“Oh yeah. You submitted an essay to that thing?”
“You got the scholarship?”
“Dang bro, that’s what’s up.” He put his arm around Terrence and without thinking about it, he kissed Terrence’s lips. Terrence kissed him back but then quickly stopped.
“Not here, man. We can get caught.”
“My bad, Terry. I wasn’t even thinking.”
“You need to start thinking. Nobody can know…what’s going on between us.”
“I said it was my bad, Terry. Damn. I don’t know why you’re trippin’. It ain’t like you get any pussy no way.” He laughed.
They began to playfully shove each other and play wrestle. That turned into them holding hands. Before either of them could realize it, they were kissing again. Every few seconds they would stop to make sure no one was around. Cory placed his hand on Terrence’s crotch and Terrence placed his hand on Cory’s. They both became aroused so they quickly stopped before it went too far. After kissing one more time, they stood up and headed to the cafeteria to eat some lunch before their lunch block was over.
As much as he didn’t want to, Terrence went straight home after school and met with his dad’s Marine friend, Roy. While he understood all of the opportunities the Marines would provide to him and how important the Marines were to his family’s legacy, he still didn’t feel the benefits were worth the sacrifices he’d have to make. He tried to be objective and hear everything Roy had to say but it just wasn’t enough to persuade him. When Roy left, Terrence went upstairs to his room to do homework but before he could begin, Mr. Eubanks knocked on the door and walked in.
“So, what’s your choice?” he asked Terrence with an accomplished smile on his face.
“I have a lot of respect for the Marines, dad. I really do. And I am proud of your service to the country. You know that I’ve always looked up to you and grandpa, and I wouldn’t be where I am without you guys. But I just found out today that I’m getting a full ride scholarship to any university I want to go to. I’m taking that scholarship, dad. I’m going to college after I graduate, not the Marines.”
“This is his doing, isn’t it?”
“That damn Cory. He’s the one who turned you against the Marines. I’m tired of that no good lowlife…”
“Don’t talk about him that way.”
“He has a negative influence on you, son. He always has.”
“Dad, leave him out of this.”
“What kind of a hold does that loser have on you? Please don’t tell me he’s turned you queer.” When he said that, Terrence punched him. He stumbled back for a second before catching himself. He tasted the blood coming from his lips and then as if a light switched flipped on in his brain, he wrapped his hands around Terrence’s neck and began to choke him. “You fucked up now, boy!”
They struggled back and forth for a while before Terrence kneed his dad in the testicles. When his dad let go of his neck to reach down and grab himself, Terrence punched him in the eye as hard as he could. Mr. Eubanks reacted with a punch to Terrence’s nose, causing Terrence to fly back onto his bed. Hearing the commotion, Mrs. Eubanks ran in.
“What is going on in here?” she asked. “Harold, what are you doing?”
“He hit me,” Mr. Eubanks explained. “That ungrateful piece of shit punched me!”
“Ungrateful?” Terrence asked him. “Just because I don’t want to be a Marine, I’m ungrateful? I’ve never taken anything you’ve done for me for granted! I had a lot of respect for you before today, dad! Now, I’m done. I’m fucking done!”
“Terrence,” Mrs. Eubanks called out while grabbing his arm. “Sweetie, calm down. Let me clean you up, honey.”
“No, ma. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend like everything is okay when it isn’t. Dad claimed he’d changed after rehab but he hasn’t changed that much. He’s still controlling and he’s still an asshole!”
“What did you just say?” asked Mr. Eubanks. “Boy, I will…”
“You’ll what? Get punched again? I’m not scared of you, old man.”
“I got your old man, boy!”
“Then bring it the fuck on!”
“No!” shouted Mrs. Eubanks as she got in between them. “Both of you need to stop this right now! We need to sit down and talk about this like adults.”
“He’s not an adult, Tamara. He’s a child.”
“I’m eighteen! I am not a child anymore and I will not be a child for you. I don’t have to live by your rules and I don’t have to live here. I’m moving out.”
“Wait, no. Sweetie, please just come with mama so we can talk about this.”
“Ma, I’m sorry but this isn’t right and you know it. He’s still the same man who used to get drunk and smack us around when things didn’t go his way. The anger is still there even though he gave up drinking. We deserve better than that. I deserve better than that.”
“Harold, please apologize so we can move on from this. Our son is about to run away from home.”
“If he wants to go then let him go. I’m not about to beg some punk to stay in my home.”
Terrence shook his head before saying, “You know what dad, you’re right about one thing. Cory and I are more than just best friends now. We’re boyfriends. We’re in love with each other and we’re going off to college together.”
“I knew it. I knew you let that son of a bitch turn you gay. I fucking knew it!”
“No, he didn’t turn me gay. I was always gay. And Cory was always there for me when you would go crazy and hit me. He was right there with an ice pack for my swollen face or there to hold me when I cried. He has loved me more than you ever could. I would’ve ran away a long ass time ago had it not been for mama and the twins. And I don’t want to leave them here with you but I gotta get out of this house. I’m going to lose my mind if I stay here any longer.” He took a deep breath before concluding, “So I need you two to leave my room so I can pack some stuff.”
“Make it quick,” said Mr. Eubanks before leaving the room.
“Terrence, think about this,” Mrs. Eubanks pleaded with tears in her eyes. “We just need to talk this out.”
“Talking can’t resolve this, mama. I’m sorry. I love you but I need to be in a better environment than this. I’m going away to college later this year and I need to be happy about that, not resentful because I’m not doing what dad wants me to do.” He wiped blood from his nose. “If I stay here, more of this is going to happen and that’s not good for any of us.”
“Where are you going, to Cory’s?”
“Then I’ll stop by there tonight and check on you. Do you want me to talk it over with Cory’s mother?”
“No, that’s okay. I can handle it.”
“I really don’t want you to leave, sweetie.”
“I know, mama. And I didn’t want this to happen. Dad did this, not me.”
“Your father loves you. He just won’t allow himself to say it. You know how he is.”
“I’m not going to beg for his love and acceptance, ma. I love and respect myself too much for that. I have to go. I love you mama, but I have to go.”
He hugged his mother and kissed her cheek before she left his bedroom. Immediately after she left, he went over to his closet and pulled out a few pairs of jeans and some jackets and shoes. He then went over to his dresser and took out some shirts, underwear and socks. He packed everything into his luggage and a few duffle bags and then called a taxi service to come pick him up. When it arrived, he went downstairs to see his mother sitting on the sofa with his little brother and sister, Kayla and Kendall.
“Ma, why are they down here?” Terrence asked. “I’m about to leave.”
“I couldn’t let you leave without saying goodbye to them. You know how much they love you.”
“Please don’t go,” said Kendall, leaping off the sofa and running over to Terrence. “I don’t want you to go, Terry.”
“Me either,” said Kayla, running over to him. They both hugged Terrence.
“I’m going to come back to see you guys. I’m your big brother and I love y’all so much. You guys know that I love you, don’t you?” They looked up at him and nodded. “Then you know that I’ll be back to check up on you. I’m leaving because I have to. You two just keep going to school and doing what mama and dad tell you to, okay?”
“Yes,” they replied in unison.
“And you look out for each other. Always remember that it’s important for you two to look out for each other. I love you.” He kissed the tops of their heads.
“Love you, too,” they told him in unison.
He tried to pull away from them but they wouldn’t let go of him. That’s when he couldn’t hold his composure anymore. He broke down and began to cry. He looked to his mother and said, “Ma, please come get them. I can’t…I need to go now.”
His mother came over and grabbed the twins, pulling them away from Terrence. They both started crying as Terrence made his way to the door. He looked back at them one last time and blew a kiss at them before leaving with his belongings. He cried for most of the taxi ride Cory’s house but by the time he arrived there, he’d calmed down. Cory was shocked to see Terrence’s bruised face but was relieved that Terrence had come to him.
“You can stay here for as long as you need man,” he said to Terrence as they lied on Cory’s bed together. “You know my mama won’t have a problem with you staying here. Hell, she’s gonna be happy because she’ll have another person to cook for other than my greedy ass. And I’ll make some space in my closet and dressers for your stuff.”
“Thanks, Cory.” He looked into Cory’s eyes. “I told my dad about us.”
“Yeah. He kept talking mad shit about you and after I clocked his ass, I told him that me and you were boyfriends.”
“He was pissed but I think he’s more pissed because I’m not joining the Marines.”
“What about your mama? Did you tell her, too?”
“Yeah, I told her. She didn’t seem to have a problem with it. I think she’s always known.”
“Moms usually do.” He grabbed Terrence’s hand and intertwined his fingers with Terrence’s. “I’m gonna get a tattoo of your name on my arm.”
“You don’t have to do that, Cory.”
“I want it. I want people to know that I’m with you and you’re with me. I don’t care what they got to say. Last night was one of the best nights of my life.”
Terrence laughed and joked, “Yeah because you got to bust a nut with someone else instead of by yourself.”
“Nah, because I got to do something special with the only person on this world who knows me better than I know myself. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember, Terry. I’m happy that we’re gonna be more than just best friends now. I love you, man.”
“I love you more.” He smiled and kissed Cory. He then began to think about his essay and pulled away from the kiss. “I almost forgot.”
“My essay.” He climbed down from Cory’s high bed and went over to his backpack. He took the essay out of one of his folders and handed it to Cory. “Read it.”
“You want me to read this long ass essay now?”
“Man, you are buggin’.” He laughed and sat on the edge of his bed and began to read the essay. It took him a few minutes but once he was finished reading, he looked back into Terrence’s eyes and said, “Wow. So you’re gonna read this in front of the whole school?”
“And you don’t care if people realize you’re talking about us?”
When he asked that, Terrence froze. He had indeed written his essay about his friendship with Cory but didn’t think anyone would put it together. Cory only read the essay once and automatically knew it was about their friendship. Terrence stared at him and asked, “How did you know it was about us?”
“Because I know you, Terry.”
“Well, you’re right. As I wrote it, I used the river as a metaphor for our friendship. But the endless part isn’t about our friendship being long-lasting; it’s about the possibilities. I don’t know how long you’ve been attracted to me, but I’ve been attracted to you since we hit puberty. I always thought we had a possibility of being more than just good friends. And last night when you kissed me, it was like I’d reached the end of some important journey.”
“That’s how it felt for me, too.”
“But there’s still something I gotta know, man. Back in kindergarten, what made you give me half of your cupcake when you saw me drop mine? Just the day before that, I remember you refusing to share toys with a little girl in our class.”
“I honestly didn’t understand it then. It was like a natural reaction. I just remember seeing how upset you were when you dropped yours. You were about to cry and I didn’t want to see you cry because I knew it would make me cry.” He laughed a little. “I cared about your feelings even though I barely knew you then. It just happened and I couldn’t stop it, even if I wanted to. I guess it was meant to be.”
“Yeah man, I can definitely agree with that. It was meant to be.”
Neither of them were sure how everything would turn out, but they knew they’d experience everything together. Terrence looked forward to going away to college later that year with Cory. He couldn’t wait to share a dorm with him and meet new people that will hopefully respect their relationship. As for Cory, he was just happy and proud to call Terrence his boyfriend. They had a strong connection and now that they were boyfriends, the connection would only get stronger. Both of them were relieved to know they’d passed possibly the biggest test to their friendship. Like the river Terrence wrote about in his essay, their connection was endless.
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
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