This video is just right on time. I had a meeting with my friend Aidx and we talked about the usual stuff of “friends not seeing a long time and we’re both on a strange place”. Before I met up with him at the metro station, I had a commitment for a job interview and I chickened out because – I feel like I can’t handle this stuff even if I’m doing a part of it for a long time. Here I am, in a foreign land, trying to fit in, looking for jobs – and got rejected for countless times.
These feelings of anxiety rose up again and I can’t breathe. Paradoxically, I turned to smoking – It does help me to breathe, riiight…
When I saw this feed on fb, I said “wow Thandie Newton – the mission impossible hot girl is telling a story on TED”, then I watched the title of the video, “ Embracing otherness, embracing myself ” – I was lost. I couldn’t get it. Then I clicked the link and listened – after 2 minutes, I still couldn’t get it. Why do you have to let go of “self”?? I’m quite slow at these kind of topic, my mind is running on 77 tabs and my RAM on my brain is only 2GB, so yes, I need to close all the other tabs. Listening… until, I was about to cry… I could totally relate to what she is saying. There are others like me who see the entirety of life every second of the day and it’s quite heavy to bear. And I see that as a dysfunctional part of me. I am trying to fit in right now and it’s not easy. Why am I not like this? or like that? I’m being too hard on myself that I find the title of the video so “negative”. I feel like I always judge myself on what others might see in me and “embracing otherness” is quite not right, right? Until I got the message.
The “essence” of being. My essence. What is it?
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