Update on where i've been... *TW Mention of death*
I want to start by apologising for leaving rather abruptly and not following through with my last requests post. I promise i will eventually get around to them but right now i am not in the right state of mind to be doing any kind of writing.
Shortly after my last post my younger brother passed away suddenly and very unexpectedly, he was only 24. It has been a hard adjustment to not have him around, he was absolutely and undeniably my best friend and although I have had to farewell loved ones before and am no stranger to the process of grief, the loss of him has taken me on a journey of grief that was very foreign to me and unlike any other grieving process i've been through.
I am going to continue to take some time away from the internet and writing to focus on myself and my mental health, finding my way to a new normal and then i promise i will be back and will finish all of the requests i have sitting in my inbox.
In the mean time feel free to send in more requests! I hope that this space will eventually be a safe place for me to be able to escape reality and distract my brain when I am in a better place.
HELLO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. I am hoping to do one (or two) requests each week as a bonus to other writing I am working on. Perhaps you’ll be kind enough to send a request through??!
Thank you for all your continued support! Especially on the last piece i wrote. I APPRECIATE YOU ALL - xx gxccistyless
1. Give me a chance.
2: I don’t love you anymore.
3: Don’t leave me…
4: I never meant to hurt you.
5: Please don’t hurt me like this.
6: Why did you spare me?
7: I’m sick.
8: I’m dying.
9: I came to say goodbye.
10: He’s dead because of you.
11. I love you, please don’t go.
12. How could you ask me that?
13. It’s late. Shouldn’t you be asleep?
14. This isn’t goodbye.
15. Who hurt you?
16. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.
17. Who cares about what they think?
18. Just breathe, okay?
19. We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.
20. Despite what you think, I am completely capable of taking care of myself.
21. I’ve got you.
22. You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!
23. Bite me.
24. If you insist.
25. You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.
26. You’re mine. I don’t share.
27. You’re blushing.
28. Well this is awkward.
29. I can’t believe you don’t like Disney movies.
30. You’re lucky you’re cute.
31. Im too sober for this.
32. Oh god, I need a drink.
33. I’m so in love with you.
34. I wish we could stay like this forever.
35: Will you marry me?
36: I’m pregnant.
37: You’re special to me.
38: I’m going to keep you safe.
39: Do you trust me?
40: Can I kiss you right now?
41: You’re cute when you’re angry.
42: Lets have a baby.
43: We’d make such a cute couple.
44: I want to take care of you.
45: Can we cuddle?
46: It’s lonely here without you.
47: I can’t stand the thought of loosing you.
48: Is that my shirt?
49: I want to protect you.
50: They’re going to love you, don’t worry!
51: Oh, are you ticklish?
52: Stop hogging all the blankets!
53. Get your hands off of me!
54. Don’t you dare touch _______!
55. I’m not gonna make it.
56. I’m not ready to say goodbye.
57. Please don’t go.
58. You came for me.
59. Oh boy this is definitely going on Snapchat!
60. I thought you were dead!
62. You broke my heart.
63. I won’t stop until I find ______.
64. But…you were dead. I saw you die.
65. I need my shirt back. How about you take it off.
66. Where’s the best place to hide a dead body?
67. Did they touch you or hurt you? Who was it? Are you okay?
68. Come over here and make me.
69. I almost lost you.
70. Don’t you dare throw that snowba—goddammit!
71. Don’t ever leave my sight again.
72. I thought I lost you. / I never thought I’d see you again.
73. This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.
74. I can’t believe you talked me into this.
75. Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English.
76. And you wonder why you’re still single.
77. My middle finger salutes you.
78. Why do you assume we’re a couple? It might be because you’ve been snuggling on the couch for an hour, might not be.
79. Person 1 - Can i kill him? Person 2 - No. Person 1 - Just a little bit?
80. Person 1- I love you. Person 2 - Ew, gross. Person 1 - We’re married!
81. It’s not a double date, we’re just third and fourth wheeling.
The one where he royally fucks up. Y/n is friends with Harry and has been for a long time, but he hurts her in the worst way possible. TRIGGER WARNINGS: mention of attempted suicide.
When Harry first wrote the song he had never intended for it to see the light of day and he had most certainly never intended to hurt you. Sometimes he finds himself writing songs as a form of therapy and sometimes as a gentle reminder of memories he never wants to let go of, this song was a creation born for both of those reasons. You had been his lifelong friend and had seen each other through all different seasons of life, he had been your friend first and then somewhere along the line he had begun to feel something more toward you, but he had a complicated life and he didn’t want to throw you into the circus of it all, he liked that when he went home he was just Harry to you and not Harry Styles the celebrity. Truthfully somewhere along the way, your feelings toward him had also began to be something more but you were unaware of the way he had felt about you and so you never acted on it
A week after his stepfathers funeral and almost a year to the day since your own mothers’ death you found yourselves in his backyard slightly intoxicated. Harry had a rough time figuring out his emotions and would often turn to writing, it gave him a way to put everything into words. You on the other hand did everything in your power to hide yours. Six drinks in however, you had both been able to open up, Harry sharing his struggles, his fears and his worries and for the first time ever you were sharing yours too.
You had known him before he was anyone to be known, and although his life had become quite the circus, the two of you still remained close. When you heard the news about his stepfather, he asked if you would come and you were quick to oblige dropping everything to head to be with him for the week. It was your last night there after what had been a long week and Harry had decided they should have a few drinks and just relax and let off some steam. He told you about how in awe of you he was, how you’d handled your mums death so gracefully and had remained so well put together afterwards, he hoped he’d be able to do the same and be as strong as you had been. Harry’s words eat at you, he grows concerned that his comments had upset you when your head falls toward the ground, you can feel the tears welling in your eyes.
He’s a bit taken back, he was only trying to compliment you, show you how much you inspire him. You wipes the tears that have now begun pooling on your cheeks and then sharw with him something you hadn’t dared talk about to anyone since it happened I tried to kill myself, Harry. It all went down shortly after your mothers death when everyone who was significant in your life had dispersed out of their small town after the funeral and back to their jobs. Your brother had found you and managed revive you. Between a short stay in the ICU, ten days in a ward and then a stay in the psych ward you had been in the hospital for weeks afterward. Harry shakes his head at your revelation, this couldn’t be true, he would have known. It’s true Harry, I didn’t expect you to know though. You had barely enough time to be here for the funeral I didn’t even see you that day that’s his quick you came and went, and then you were on tour... it’s okay that you didn’t know, I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Harry didn’t know what to say or how to feel, he just brings you a little closer to him and grips you a little tighter, thankful that you’re still here. Harry was sure that if anything had happened to you that Anne would have told him. At this point you are really intoxicated and Harry is starting to feel the effects of the alcohol heading closer to the point of recklessness. The two of you call it a night.
You left town the next day to head back to London, you had recently taken a job in the city and were able to afford rent there which finally got you out of this small town and kept you busy, the two of you returned to normal life and never talked about it any further. But still the conversation played on his mind, how you has been in your darkest moment and he hadn’t been there. How he had barely had enough time to be there for his closest friend when her mother had just passed, how he had failed to check up on you in the weeks that followed, how you could have actually died.
When he finally got back to writing, his conversation with you was one of the first things he wrote about. It was one of the first pieces that he wrote beginning to end, he never intended for it to get further than him and a guitar and a recording on his phone, something he might play to you someday, but then one night whilst he was high he accidentally showed it to his engineer who immediately fell in love with it. His engineer convinced him to just see the song through, told him it wouldn’t have to be in the final cut for the album but that it deserved to be finished properly, so Harry obliged and he finished the song in its entirety.
The album was close to being finished, his label telling him they just needed one or two more songs that were slower in tempo and had more emotion you know like a tear jerker were Jeff’s exact words. Harry you should show him that untitled one we had been working on at the beginning Harry silently curses his engineer in his mind, he’s reluctant to play the song to Jeff but he does it anyway. Jeff loves the song says that it should be the second single, the public will eat it right up. Once again Harry reluctantly agrees.
He knows that one way or the other you are going to hear this song and you are going to know that it is about you, and specifically about that night when you had shared your darkest secret with him. Harry wanted to be the one to play the song for you, he thought it would be best coming from him in a controlled environment and he most certainly didn’t want you to hear it for the first time at his launch party or on the radio. The week that he intended to drive home to show you, your father suddenly passed, it didn’t seem like a good time and he didn’t want to cause you any more grief than you were already going through. He tried again two weeks later but you had been in such good spirits, he didn’t want to ruin your time together by making you upset.
The original plan was that he would drive back to his mum’s the day after his listening party and play it for you before it would be released to the public. The listening party was only going to be intimate and was due to be held two days before the release of the album, and since you had to work and wouldn’t be there he didn’t see anything wrong with the plan. Except this is Harry and almost nothing goes to plan. Gemma and Anne who are unaware of the song arranged for you to have a ticket, to surprise Harry on one of his biggest nights. He doesn’t see you till he comes out into the room and it’s already too late they’re already about to press play on the album, he thought he felt nervously sick before but now seeing you here in the room he feels even worse.
Everything was going smoothly and everyone seemed to be enjoying the songs as they continued to go through each of them, Harry introducing them and talking a bit about them before hand, when he gets to track 5 his throat dries up and he feels as if he can’t talk. He doesn’t give this song an introduction just pressing play. The song is halfway through the first verse when you begin to realise this song that you are listening to in a room full of people who don’t know you (minus Anne and Gemma and Harry of course) is about you, is about that night by the fire where things got a little too deep and dark and emotional. You stare at him waiting for him to make eye contact with you, but he never does, he’s too scared to lift his head and have your eyes meet. He knows he will look up to undoubtedly find you crying and that he has let you down and right now he can’t think about it too much, he needs to push through the last eight tracks. You excuse yourself quietly, telling Gemma you aren’t feeling well before the chorus even hits and slip out the back exit.
Harry knows that he has royally fucked up. He tries calling you when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom, it goes straight to voicemail a few times and then after that your number doesn’t even dial at all. He has disappointed you, he’s disappointed himself. When he gets back out and spots his mother and sister the anger and disappointment is all over their faces too. The car ride back to his house is silent, Anne taking in deep breaths so that she won’t scream in front of the lovely driver Harry’s management had hired to get them home. When they finally make it through the door and they are by themselves she absolutely lets him have a piece of her mind. You should have asked her permission before putting out something like that. Harry tries to reason with Anne, explaining he had no choice when he knows deep down that he did, explaining that he tried to show you the song but he couldn’t catch you at the right time. It’s Gemma’s turn to chime in now There was no right time Harry, should have never been on the album in the first place. Gemma was right, but it was done now the only thing he could do would be to try and salvage things with you as best he could. But you wouldn’t take his calls, didn’t respond to his texts and truthfully he had no idea where to start looking for you.
The following morning when Anne had calmed down some, she had found Harry sleeping on the sofa still in the clothes from last night gripping his phone on his chest, she knows he must have fallen asleep there as he desperately tried all night to get in touch with you. When he woke up he told her everything from beginning to end, he knew that song shouldn’t have been on the album and she knew that there was nothing he could do now to change the fact that it was.
Whilst you weren’t replying to Harry’s texts or answering his calls you had no intentions of doing the same to Anne. The first time Anne rings you, it goes to voicemail. Anne leaves you a lovely message, tells you she’d love to see you before she leaves London to head back home. Only when you know that it is her calling, you send her a quick text back to explain that you are okay and that you have escaped for the week back home to Holmes Chapel, but would love to see her regardless.
It had been too long since you had last seen Anne. You think it may have been at the funeral, or in the days after, but your weekends have been busy and you hardly make it home. Even when you do make it home, recently your weekends had been filled with looking after your sick father and your brother who even at 24 years old was unable to do anything for himself. Regardless of how long it had been since you last saw Anne, she held a special place in your heart. Her and your own mother had been close and Anne had been there for you in the months after losing her, she came every day that she was allowed to see you in the hospital, to make sure you knew you were loved. She promised to never tell Harry, you made her promise. You didn’t want to worry him and you didn’t want to distract or burden him, you somehow still worried for everyone else even though you were the one struggling. It’s almost noon when she arrived at your house in Holmes Chapel on Sunday. At this point Harry’s album had been out for 24 hours and had shot straight to the top of the charts. Even though you were angry at him, you were still proud.
Anne brings you in tight for a hug as soon as you open the door. You are relieved that she has come by herself, not having decided yet if you ever want to talk to or see Harry ever again. Once tea is drunk and scones have been had Anne flips out her phone. Y/n love, have you had a chance to listen to Harry’s album... in full? She knows it’s a tough ask, especially because of the song. I haven’t, no. I hear it’s doing wonderful though... he must be so happy. You secretly hope that this conversation is nearing its end, not wanting to talk about Harry anymore. He’s not doing the greatest love Anne pauses for a moment. She knows she shouldn’t get involved, but she has loved you like a second daughter since you and Harry were young and has always secretly hoped the two of you would end up together. I know he shouldn’t have put the song on the album, but my wonderful numbskulled son really didn’t know you were going to be there at the party and apparently he had been trying for weeks to share it with you but between your dad and then you having really good days he didn’t want to mess it up... I know it might be hard for you, but if I’m being honest, it’s one of my favourite songs. Will you try to listen to it? Because she is like a second mother to you and because you don’t want to let her down or cause her any pain, you agree. She hugs you extra tight when she leaves and makes you promise to visit when you’re back in town again next.
You fulfil your promise to Anne listening to the song two nights later after making your way back to London and having five too many wines. It was hard for you to listen to, but when you finish it the first time you instantly want to listen again and suddenly it’s on repeat and you instantly regret leaving before the chorus. In between sobs you manage to dial Harry’s number, the phone barely ringing before he answers. Y/n? Ello? You there? He hears your muffled sobs on the other end, where are you? Are you back in London? Please tell me where you are? You tell him your address and twenty minutes later there are some light taps on your apartment door. When he comes in you’re still sobbing and the song is still playing. He puts out his arms and wraps them around you and you sob, the two of you standing there whilst the song plays three times over. It’s a beautiful song you manage to somehow get words out between sobs and laboured breathing I mean it’s okay, it wasn’t supposed to make the album, but it’s there and there’s nothing I can do and I’m going to be sorry for the rest of our lives. Somehow the two of you make it to the couch. You share with him your anger and frustrations and thoughts about everything, how he’s broken your trust, how you’re scared to tell him anything anymore, how you’re angry that his team made YOU sign and NDA but he’s free to write songs about your disclosures and how that isn’t fair. He agrees that it isn’t fair, and he apologises again and again over and over until you can’t take it anymore.
It takes you some time to trust Harry again after this. He has his lawyers draw up an NDA for him to sign, with a promise that you can sue him if he ever discloses anything private about you ever again.
Here is the last part of fine line - the divorce series.
You can read part one here and part two here
I would LOVE to write some one shots based on Harry and Eliza. Feel free to send in requests!!
That night after he left Eliza’s Harry went home and sits in his shower for 45 minutes, he thought about going to the pub and then he thought about going to the liquor store to get a bottle of bourbon to drink it in its entirety all in an attempt to try and forget about the fact that he had just kissed Eliza. Harry decides against it, he calls his sponsor instead, his sponsor came to lend an ear and help him get through the night, without liquor. He and his sponsor had become close, he could trust his sponsor to be there for him without feeling the need to worry about his personal struggles with alcohol being leaked to the press.
Two weeks later he found himself at a social gathering at his sponsors house, a family garden party of sorts, alcohol free of course, and that’s where he first met Olivia Dane. He and Olivia seemed to have an instant connection, no awkward spots in their conversations, no awkward silences where he felt the need to fill time with rambling. Conversation flowed freely. He left that night not having a single drop of alcohol, and with her number in his phone. One week later they were out to dinner ams six weeks after that had her on his arm down the red carpet.
Eliza and Harry never discussed the kiss. For him it was something he was able to freely move passed, for her it was so much more. The kiss lingered on her mind for weeks and weeks she had so many unanswered questions, questions she knew she might never have answers to. The two had reverted back to old ways, going through third parties to organise Harry spending time with Koa and Lennon. Eliza didn’t love the idea of not having any contact with Harry, especially because they had just started going to therapy and she was really hoping that this would be the turning point in their co-parenting attempt. She was happy that their children had their father back though, every child deserves happy and healthy parents was her fundamental belief. That’s truly all she has ever wanted for Harry, for him to be happy and healthy. With Harry out of the picture for her, she spent more time getting closer to her now partner Andrew. She never spoke a word of the kiss.
harrystyles . MINE .
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The post took Eliza by surprise. She saw it on a Sunday morning as she was lazing in bed. She wanted to be happy for him, she wanted him to love and to be loved, but she still wanted him to love her. It was selfish of her, and she was aware of this. Selfish because she has and still was seeing someone else, so why shouldn’t he be able to do the same. But that kiss still lingered in the back of her mind.
She would come to find out some hours later that at some point during the day Harry had unfollowed her on all social media platforms. This hurt her more than it should have, Andrew copping the brunt of her anger, leading them to a huge argument where he had accused her of still being in love with Harry. I can’t be in this relationship with you Eliza, this isn’t healthy. You still love him and that’s okay, but let’s be honest here you can’t love him and still have me. He was right. They ended things that night.
Harry was thinking about introducing Olivia to his kids. It had been on his mind for a while, probably from the second week he had known her. Him co-parenting with Eliza made it harder for him to see Olivia on weekends. He had just gotten into such a good schedule with having the kids again he didn’t want to cancel visits, but he also didn’t want to lay in bed alone at night when they were asleep. Olivia didn’t fancy children very much, her opinion of children didn’t change just because they were linked to the man she was sleeping with. Harry waited three months before he organised a brunch date where she would meet the children.
Anne had gone to Elizas to pick up the children just as she had been all this time. Koa had fallen ill and Eliza had almost canceled their visit but she had caught wind that the kids would be meeting Olivia and decided against canceling, but packing everything from his prescription medication to his favourite lovey just to be safe, writing out a note giving perfectly clear descriptions about the contents of the bag and their uses.
Olivia rolled her eyes and complained about said bag and note she seems so dramatic over a damn cold were her exact words. Harry didn’t say anything in return letting her comment slide. It was moments like this that he would come to later regret, letting things slide was in his opinion the way people got into bad behaviours, but he loved her and didn’t want to royally fuck this day up over a comment before it had even really started.
He seemed to think that the brunch went well, Olivia on the other hand was less than enthused. Koa had spilt his yoghurt, Lennon her orange juice, children were crying and there was snot everywhere. Despite her distaste for the children of the man she loved, she smiled through it. But really all she could think about was ways to get Harry to herself next weekend, child (and snot) free. She somehow managed it and the following weekend, an hour before Harry was scheduled to have the kids, he canceled. Something about a surprise weekend in Paris that had been sprung on him at the last minute was the reasoning Eliza had gotten off of Anne.
oliviadane you had me at bonjour ❤️
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Harry’s visits with the children had become few and far between by late September. Fallon’s anniversary was fast approaching and Eliza was not coping. Anne, who had stayed in contact with her and loved her like a second daughter picked up on it. Eliza was out of sorts, and rightfully so. She had a lot on her plate between the twins and mentally trying to process the upcoming date. Harry on the other hand was off in a different country every week. Brushing off the responsibilities of parenthood had yet again come so easy to him, Eliza wasn’t surprised at this point. Old habits die hard. Anne had let her concerns about Eliza known to Gemma who went to visit to see for herself. Eliza was a mess, Anne had not been lying. Gemma gave Harry and absolute ear bashing on the phone, told him how much of a disappointment he was to her and their mother, how his kids would resent him some day, how he should be ashamed of himself. Gemmas words must have hit a nerve, or at least talked some sense into him. The following week Harry had done a complete 180 again and the visits with the children, much to Olivia’s dismay, were back on schedule.
It started with small incidents at first. Koa coming home crying, Lennon expressing her disinterest in going to her fathers house for weekend visits. The weekend before Fallon’s anniversary was the last straw. Koa was screaming and crying as Anne’s car pulled away from Eliza’s house. Eliza could hear his blood curdling shrieks from down the road as she stood frozen in her driveway watching her babies drive away. She hated sending them to him when they were in such a state but she couldn’t figure out what the sudden change had been, they had always loved spending time with their dad until suddenly the didn’t.
Harry came home from the studio at around lunchtime. His mum had brought the kids some hours earlier and Olivia had been with them for the few hours that they had been there. Harry did not expect to come home to two screaming, crying, hyperventilating children. How long have they been crying? Olivia rolled her eyes and told him they hadn’t shut up since they had gotten there, adding in that they had given her a splitting headache and she was very happy he was home because now they were his problem.
Harry knew in that moment that he would have to break up with her. Her small comments about his children and the mother of his children needed to stop, he thought that once she got used to the idea of having the kids around and spending more time with them to get to know them a little better that the comments would stop, but they didn’t. He couldn’t change her, her hatred for children was so deep seeded there was no flipping this situation. He thought that perhaps they could spend one last night together and that he would break it off in the morning once the children had left, but then he noticed the bruises on the children’s arms. When he asked Lennon what had happened she simply pointed to Olivia and that was enough to send him into a fit. Olivia had her bags packed and was out of the house by nightfall.
Elizas doorbell rang at approximately 7.45pm. She found Harry on her doorstep childless. She panicked thinking something had happened to the twins at first and he must have seen it in her face because he just about jumped at the chance to tell her that his mother was watching them. This had been the first time since the kiss that the two had seen each other. She pulls the door open more than it had been and lets him stroll through. She makes him a coffee whilst she makes herself a tea and then he tells her everything. She wants to press charges, to hunt this lady down and give her a bruising. Harry tells her that the children need her to be with them at home and not in a jail cell, she decides for once that Harry may have the better judgement here and settles down with Harry promising to never bring her, or any other woman, around their kids every again.
The following weekend, the family of four had an afternoon picnic at Fallon’s grave. It was nothing special, Eliza and Harry both cried the whole time, holding each other extra tight. It had been a rough year for the both of them, they had come so far yet here they found themselves back where they belonged the most... in each other’s arms, surrounded by all their children.
With Olivia gone, Koa and Lennon relaxed and seemed to be once again enjoying their time with Harry. Truth be told, she had been enjoying time with Harry too. He became a regular for breakfasts at Eliza’s, and then when the kids were at kindy he became a regular for lunch, and then dinner and then a regular in her bed. This has been over the course of a few months, Eliza made boundaries very early on and part of her stipulations were that they needed to have weekly therapy and not put too much pressure on themselves. In true Harry and Eliza style, the two didn’t take things too slow.
Harry and Eliza remarried in a causal courthouse ceremony in late January, his mum and Gemma were their witnesses. They went to a swanky restaurant to celebrate with the most expensive Sunday roast dinner Harry has ever had in his life. Harry surprised the public with the news, they had somehow managed to keep the rekindling of their relationship under wraps and the media and fans lost their minds in unison. The pair were a hot topic for days.
harrystyles Eliza Ray Styles, I am so lucky that you agreed to marry me twice in one lifetime. I don’t deserve you, but I will love you until the day I die. Love you, wife.
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A few weeks later, it was their turn to be surprised with news that they were once again expecting. Both Harry and Eliza were secretly relieved to only see one baby on the screen at the first appointment. Eliza decided to keep this pregnancy to herself, Harry had no tours and no press junkets and no radio interviews and the pair were both able to fully enjoy the pregnancy. Eliza went into labour in the early out of October 3rd, what would have been Fallon’s 6th birthday, and gave birth and home in the water just six hours later. They once again found themselves trending for days after the announcement of the birth of their son.
elizastyles for the last nine months, we have been holding the news of this little blessing very close to our hearts. One month ago, Jairus Cohen Styles arrived three weeks early, happy and healthy, and shares a birthday with his Angel sister Fallon Noel. Our family is complete. We are both tired and in love ❤️
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In case you missed part one you can find it here. Feedback always appreciated in any form. Feel free to message me if you have any questions!!
Trigger warnings for this include; mentions of death, drug and alcohol abuse.
It’s ten passed twelve when Eliza opens her eyes for the first time, she hadn’t slept a good nights sleep since Fallon’s diagnosis but last night she didn’t wake not once.They had her funeral yesterday, she doesn’t remember much, she thinks this is probably partially why she was able to sleep so well, knowing that Fallon was finally resting at her forever home. Harry helped to organise the funeral and had been more available to both her and their other two children in the lead up to it and insisted in paying for it in full. But yesterday was too much for him, he left somewhere between the wake and the kids’ bed time and Eliza hadn’t heard from him since.
Harry woke up in his apartment for the first time in weeks, he’d be living at Eliza’s in the spare room from the time when things got to be too much for Eliza to handle on her own. He missed his bed and the peace and quiet, but he’d never allow himself to say those words out loud.
Right in between losing her and laying her to rest, they celebrated her birthday. Gemma thought it would be a good idea to acknowledge the day instead of pushing it to the side, Harry just kind of wanted to push through and try and get through the day, but Eliza liked the idea of being able to blow out a candle for Fallon and so to appease his ex-wife’s needs and support her through her grief, Harry bit his tongue And they did just that, celebrated her.
elizadoherty 4 years ago you made me a mama sweet angel baby Fallon. I miss you, thanks for changing my life 🕊
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The funeral came around quicker than he had anticipated, it kind of crept up on him. After today things would go back to the way they were before Fallon got sick snd Harry wasn’t sure if he was ready for that. He wasn’t ready to be away from Koa and Lennon, or even Eliza for that matter. Everyone was so wrapped up in supporting Eliza on the day, they had forgot that Harry had lost a child too. So distracted by Eliza, no one noticed Harry when he slipped out in the middle of her wake, no one but Eliza.
There was no communication between the two in the weeks that followed, he locked himself in the studio with only a select few people and she was trying to get back to somewhat of a normal routine with the twins. He was making good progress with an album, it wasn’t as upbeat as previous albums had been but it just reflected what he was going through and how he was feeling. With no communication and his lack of interest in their other two children Eliza goes ahead and books a court date to finalise their divorce. Harry is leaving the studio when he gets words of the court date being set, he heads straight to the bar.
Harry is on his sixth drink when he finally gets a hold of Eliza. I miss you he tells her We just lost — we just — how can you even be thinking about finalising our divorce. She cries and that’s when he knows he’s fucked up. Eliza don’t cry, I’m sorry, I’m such a fuck up, it should have been me, not her... Eliza knows she should hang up the phone, call Gemma let her deal with him and go back to bed. Instead she asks Harry for his location, calls a sitter and by the time she heads to the bar its almost 10pm.
Eliza finds Harry in the corner booth, away from prying eyes and away from windows with his back toward the rest of the people in the pub. By now he’s lost count of how many drinks he’s consumed. She orders herself a scotch on the rocks. The bartender looks between her and Harry and wonders what they must be going through to have lead them here tonight. They sit in silence mostly, Harry throwing back three drinks in the time it tasked Eliza to finish the one she ordered herself when she first got here. The bartender draws a line in the sand and cuts Harry off, he pays for his long bar tab remembering to ask the bartender to include Elizas scotch on the rocks and then he goes to leave.
Harry makes it all the way to his car before realising he cannot find his keys. When he reaches the bar door she’s standing out front her arms crossed over her chest,p. You didn’t think I’d let you drive home in your state did you? My children have already buried their sister this year, I’m not about to let them bury their father too. The words Eliza said to drunk Harry would play on sober minded Harry in the weeks to come. She half carries him to her car and takes him home with her. For the first time since they split, he sleeps in the same bed as her it’s only so I know if you stop breathing and to make sure you don’t choke on your own vomit. Eliza watches Harry breathe for the rest of the night, much like she watched Fallon take breaths in and out until she took her last, the only difference here is that Harry never stops breathing. Somewhere between 4am and 7am she doses off and Harry slips out of her sheets and out her back door before she’s awake. Eliza canceled their court date again, realising that perhaps Harry needed time to grieve before they started to go down this path.
harrystyles ALBUM . IS. COMPLETE, Coming to you soon, happy holidays. All the love, H xx
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Harry finished writing his album just before Christmas, it was literally the fastest album he’s ever been able to write. After all this time and experience, he knew the people he needed in his space to get the job done. A lot of the songs were sad, and Eliza knew that some songs would be about her and she fully expected some songs to be about Fallon, so when he turned up at her place to show her the demo she was surprised to find no songs about their angel daughter. Eliza, that’s sick that you’d think I’d cash in on — no why would I — I can’t believe you would think that. He was angry, didn’t see she was coming from a good place and not trying to attack him. She didn’t think it would be a bad thing if he had written songs about Fallon, she was growing concerned about his abilities to deal with the loss of their daughter... he couldn’t even say her name.
He was trying to be more consciences to spend more time with Koa and Lennon. With the album complete it was only a matter of time before his management would undoubtedly have him on the road and all over the globe. Truthfully he was dreading it. He spent most afternoons putting the children to bed before bedding back to his house. He noticed things about her that were different in the Fallon aftermath. She was lonely at night, and when Koa and Lennon were out with him of an afternoon she had not so much to do. She had already organised the bookshelf, and the kitchen. Harry knew what the perfect Christmas gift would be to keep her busy.
Whilst she had redecorated the lounge and her bedroom. Fallon’s room remained untouched, the door closed and the room just the way their almost four year old had left it the day she left for the hospital and never come home. Sometimes when he would finish putting the twins to bed and when Eliza was sleeping on the couch, he would sneak into Fallon’s room and sob. Being in her room was the only time he allowed himself to feel anything.
elizadoherty Happy holidays from the Doherty-Styles household, wrangling two and half year old twins into a photo is hard work and this mama couldn’t get it done. Please enjoy a photo of our delicious cookie “nomies” that are absolutely not store bought. 😝🎅🏻🎄🤶🏻
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harrystyles ELIZA X OLIVE. Merry Christmas.
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Harry’s album came out the week of Christmas. With the new year there would be lots of changes coming for both him, Eliza and their two children. He would be off on tour, first to the states then, back home for a UK stint, followed by the rest of Europe, then to South America wrapping up with Australia, New Zealand and a few dates across Asia. He wouldn’t be home for more than two days in the next nine months. This bothered Eliza. Partly because she wanted him to be home so they could finalise the divorce, partly because she wouldn’t have his help with the twins and mostly because he had already lost one child, had he not noticed the importance of having quality time with his children. She had already been annoyed by the fact that he had bought a dog into her home and gifted it to her for Christmas, she didn’t have time for a dog.. she would barely have time for herself and the two kids he was leaving behind to go on tour, and he though a doh would be a good idea?
Her thoughts all come to a head in the middle of an argument on New Years Eve. We need to finalise the divorce, we both deserve to move on. He didn’t want to move on, he liked being able to come by see her, and the kids and still be able to know she was legally still his wife. You don’t care about me and the kids, you’re not even going to see them for the next nine months, don’t tell me you care. He was mad, not because she was right but because he wanted to see them but didn’t know how to ask her to join him on tour with them. I never wanted to divorce you. You’re the one who filed for divorce Eliza. It’s Eliza’s turn to be mad. Well there was no hope for our marriage, we hadn’t had sex in months, you were sleeping on the couch, what the fuck kind of marriage is that. It wasn’t a healthy argument for the tel of them to be having, especially with the twins in the next room. I was a drug addict Eliza, I was also an alcoholic, I couldn’t really walk up the stairs, that’s why I slept on the couch not because I didn’t love you. He had stormed out, the following day he had booked in with his lawyers to come back the last week of February for their court date and two days after that he was back on tour.
harrystyles USA thank you for being the perfect start to this tour, you were all so beautiful! I’ll be back soon. All the love, H xx.
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January rolled by faster than she would like to admit. Harry was back in London briefly to see the twins, Anne picked them up and took them to him as per his request. His birthday was tomorrow, Eliza offered for him to keep them for the weekend whilst he was in town, but he had other plans and declined her offer. She’s trying to give you time with your children. Anne nagged him, but her words fell on deaf ears. He had plans to drink his way through his birthday and not be able to recall any of it.
He woke in the morning to a voicemail from her. Harry, happy — well i know it’s not happy really — but happy birthday. I’m sorry about the divorce papers, I was... reaaaaalllyyy dumb. Anyway, see ya. She had been drinking, she could never hold her liquor. He remembers back to a time pre marriage and pre children when she would go out and have a few too many cocktails and call him from the bar, he remembers driving to fetch her, pulling over on the side of the road because his driving would be too much for her stomach to handle. He thinks about the way he used to hold her when she was too tired to walk and then the way he’d hold her in bed as her breath would steady and she’d finally succumb to the effects of the alcohol and sleep. God he loved her.
elizadoherty HBD to my #1 (And only) bb daddy, @harrystyles, you’re a great dad, friend and I’m so glad I get to raise my babies with you. Here’s a throwback to when we were younger and when you had less wrinkles, old man.
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He made a mental note to return her the favour of nice words on social media when her birthday would roll around come summer. They were younger and happier in that photo. He wouldn’t wish his kids away, but he does wish he could go back to being that happy, young and carefree guy in the photo.
After his birthday, things continued to go downhill for the two of them and their co-parenting endeavour. It started when he was photographed leaving a nightclub with a random girl on his arm the night of his birthday and things escalated when a week before their court date she had been photographed with someone new. This was the first time since the two of them had started dating all those years ago that they had been photographed with someone else.
TMZ
Harry Styles ex-wife, Eliza Doherty, spotted out with new mystery beau shopping over the weekend.
It was the comments left the photo that sent Eliza into a rage. “Where are her kids?” “Spending all of Harry’s alimony I guess” that’s all the end of their marriage was to the public? Just about money? Never mind the emotional turmoil either of them had gone through, the sleepless nights the days where she wouldn’t know if he would make it home. The public didn’t understand, and never would, what it wad to be like Eliza Styles.
On top of the public ridicule, Harry of course had to get his two cents worth in. I don’t want you bringing random guys around the twins. It was a harmless comment and something she would surely say to him if she didn’t have manners or any kind of belief that he would be responsible with who he introduced their children to. Focus on yourself, Harry. And less on who I’m bringing home..
TMZ
reports of Harry Styles and ex-wife, Eliza Doherty, heading into court today to finalise their divorce after almost a year snd a half. He wore a black shirt and a cross earring for the occasion.
Harry was trending on twitter and the photo and article from TMZ were attached to every tweet. Most people agreed he didn’t look himself. Everyone agreed it was inappropriate to take the photo and then post it to the masses but here it was for everyone to see. Eliza shook her head and put her phone away, soon enough she’d be in the same room as him for the first time since New Year’s Eve.
She had never been more scared to see him, hadn’t heard from him personally for the entire first leg of his tour, which even when they were having problems was odd. Perhaps he was still angry, she had moved passed the anger stage and into the sad stage pretty quickly, it had been like this throughout their entire relationship. She would get over things quickly whilst he would hold onto things for days and days at one time. Harry knew based off of her voicemail that she had been ready to move passed the argument on New Year’s Eve, and he was almost on the same page as her and then they argued about partners and children and things had again been sour since.
As soon as the time drew closer she began to feel like she couldn’t breathe. Like she might collapse at any second and never wake up again, like someone had taken all the air out of her lungs and out of this building. She used to enjoy the way her heart would skip a beat and the way her lungs would lose all the air when he entered her orbit, but now the feeling made her sick to her stomach. For the first time in a long time she couldn’t stand the thought of being in the same room as him.
Part of him didn’t want to be here. This was partially to do with the fact that last night he had drank his body weight in alcohol, was very hungover and couldn’t think straight, but it was mostly to do with the fact that he couldn’t stand to see her cry and knew there was a good chance with the way they left things off that he might be the reason for her tears.
He reeked of vodka and scotch and tequila and definitely weed, at least that’s all the things that Eliza could smell as he sat across from her. He was using again, or drinking again at the very least. It made her sad, he had worked so hard to get to a good place. Perhaps this was his way of coping, his way of dealing with Fallon dying. His way of forgetting about his problems. It wasn’t healthy, she’d make a note to talk to Gemma and Anne when she got back to the kids later in the afternoon.
He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all since the last time she saw him some five weeks ago now — which would make sense because she hadn’t slept properly in that long either. His shirt was creased and it was a mess, he looked unkempt which was a rare sight. Mismatched socks, untucked shirt, the pants he was wearing just as creased as his shirt was. His hair was longer than usual— he was letting it grow again... was this even any of her business anymore? — It probably wasn’t but she still examined him from head to toe, He’s wearing his shades inside, what an asshole she thinks. He was almost unrecognisable. He was most definitely no longer her Harry. She didn’t care make eye contact with him, and he extended the same courtesy not that he had much of s choice in the matter.
Mr Styles is offering Ms Doherty 50% of all his assets, as of this time that part has not changed.
Ms. Doherty would be happy to only 25%, your honour. She feels it’s adequate enough to provide for the children, she has a job and doesn’t require 50%.
Mr Styles insists in the 50%, even 25% of it were to go into a fund for the children.
Her lawyer looks to her for approval, even though she really doesn’t need Harry’s money, she doesn’t want to argue with him.
Mr Styles would like joint custody of their two children, Koa Everett Styles and Lennon River Styles.
Your honour, Mrs Doherty requests that the father of her children submits to drug and alcohol tests and has supervised visitations until he can get himself — uh well... clean.
The judge rules in her favour, Harry has to pass three tests in a row for both drugs and alcohol before he can come anywhere near the twins. The rest esd pretty straight forward and not much different to what they had already signed on, she got the house and would receive child support on top of the 50% of the money they made from the time they first got married. Harry doesn’t see his children till two days before their third birthdays, almost three months after the court hearing. It had taken him three months but this time he swore to keep clean.
elizadoherty happy three my miracle babes, there are no words 🥺
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A month after the twins’ birthday it’s Eliza who changes the agreement for supervision required to him being allowed to do visits at their house. Both the twins and Harry would be much more comfortable and if would give her more of a chance to observe him with them before she lets them stay with him overnight. He’s the one who suggests they go to therapy. He tells her it might help, and that he’s willing to try anything so long as she is too.
The first session back in therapy goes well, they haven’t done one together since just after the twins were born. They mostly discuss how to co-parent better and how to communicate with each other, the therapist warns to discuss Fallon and Harry practically has a panic attack at the mention of her name. When he instantly gets up and walks out on the session it’s just you and the therapist and 20 minutes left on the timer. I don’t think he’s ready to talk about her yet. It’s a sensitive topic for him. It hasn’t quite been a year yet since she passed. He won’t even talk about her with me and that was out daughter.
When Eliza gets home, Harry is on her doorstep. He’s sober, but crying and hyperventilating. She sits next to him and just hugs him not really knowing what to do. Eliza prays that her boyfriend, Andrew, doesn’t come over today. Her prayers are answered Eliza and Harry are left on their own. He cries for a long period of time before the head inside her house, Eliza is silently grateful that Anne offered to take the kids to Holmes Chapel for the week. Where did we go wrong? We should have been better and communicating. I was depressed when I couldn’t tour straight away and then you let me go and honestly this is going to sound fucking terrible but I didn’t want to come home. So many confessions spill from his lips in a short space of time. Then Eliza starts. I just wanted you to be okay, you were struggling, I know you were depressed. I keep thinking about it, I don’t remember the last time we kissed or had sex, maybe it was before the twins were even born, we should have made more time. When she stops he’s not crying anymore he’s just staring at her with his eyebrows furrowed and then he does the unimaginable he kisses her. Not just a regular peck, his hands on the back of her head and her hands are on his chest and for just a moment they’re back in 2019 and they’re newly engaged and their wold is perfect. And then he pulls away, apologises and leaves and they are back to being divorced, estranged people who happen to share two children together.
Omggggg Fallon 🙁🙁🙁 loved that story already it’s so sad tho!!
It is sad 😭😭 but I really wanted to set up scene for future chapter, it was really hard two write fall on our in the first part, but she makes appearances in flashbacks in the chapters ahead!!
TRIGGER WARNINGS; MENTION OF PP DEPRESSION, ABUSE OF DRUGS AND ALCOHOL, CANCER AND DEATH.
Get to know Harry and Eliza, how they met, their love story, the family they built and the lead up to as well as the demise of their marriage. In the chapters that will follow Harry and Eliza will try to manage their way through the ups and downs of divorce, grief, co-parenting, well as where they fit with each other post end of marriage.
There’s an old saying that goes something like “theres a fine line between love and hate” and for a long time Eliza could never understand how this could be true, how loving someone and then hating someone could be something that happened so quickly. But over the last six months she had come to learn that just as easily as a relationship can be loving and peaceful, it can also be filled with hate and can become quite tumultuous.
Eliza Doherty met Harry Styles in the spring of 2014, he was still very much in a boyband and yet he was still nowhere near the peak of his career. She was on a bicycle ride on her own way too long after the sun had set and with absolutely no one else in sight when she turned a corner and his car had appeared out of nowhere. He hit the brakes and swerved and she tried her best to stop, both of these choices probably saved her life, but nonetheless she had still be thrown off of her bike and onto the road. She swore she was fine, insisted that she didn’t need to go the hospital, was adamant that he didn’t need to sign anything and that she would be okay to walk home, but that did not bode well with Harry especially because his car had absolutely flattened her bike and so she found herself in a car with Harry Styles driving her home just before midnight on a Friday. He insisted on walking her in, checking her pupils would dilate under his iPhones flashlight and insisted on coming around the following day to check on her. He kept his word and was on her doorstep the following morning at 8am.
Eliza made them breakfast even though he insisted on taking her out to eat, she absolutely refused to be caught up in the media chaos that would surely ensue if the two of them were spotted together, Harry was silently grateful that she had been able to use her head even after she’d just been thrown on the ground off of her bicycle by his car. He hadn’t really slept and his brain could hardly function yet she had run through his head all night. Harry Styles had just almost killed the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. She made her famous choc-chip pancakes, they made her think of home. The conversation between the two flowed freely, as if they had known each other a lifetime. Before either of them knew it the sun was going down, he ordered and paid for Chinese for dinner and the two had been friends ever since.
For a long time they were just friends, not just friends but best friends. Eliza watched him go in and out of countless meaningless relationships that wouldn’t last more than a couple of weeks. She rubbed his back when he would turn up to her house drunk at 3am and expel all the contents of his stomach into her toilet bowl, she let him snuggle his face into her neck as he would tell her each time how much he loved her and how she was probably the one, and then in the morning when she would wake up and he would be gone she would continue on as if none of it had happened. He liked the arrangement the two of them had going on, he liked being able to hold her at night and being able to leave in the morning and never having to talk about it. Eliza also stood by him as he slept his way through the London scene and when he was finally done experimenting and was finally ready to face his feelings she stood by him as his girlfriend.
He was her first love, and what she thought would be her last. He had come into her life in the most unconventional of ways and she had loved him from day one, even more on the days when he couldn’t love himself. They dated for five years before he made an honest man out of himself, got down on one knee and asked her to cook him choc-chip pancakes every morning for the rest of her life. A week later, after they had been photographed whilst at a dinner, she had forgotten to take off her ring. Their faces were plastered on the front cover of almost every magazine with rumours spreading of their engagement, choosing to keep it between the two of them and their closest friends and families, neither Harry or Eliza confirmed the engagement. They were married in the summer of 2020, a small affair mid-pandemic with the nearest and dearest. It was quaint and everything the two of them ever dreamed of, but above all it was private with news of the wedding not getting out until Harry announced it on his Instagram some six months later.
harrystyles ELIZA RAY STYLES . JUL 17
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Soon after the wedding, and the announcement of said wedding rumours were once again circulating. Both their friends and family as well as their fans all began to wonder when the newlyweds would add to their family. Harry and Eliza thought about it, they talked about their life and their future and what they had planned by but as of right now a baby wasn’t a part of their immediate future. This was partially because there was still a pandemic... Eliza worried enough about bringing a child into the world pre-pandemic she didn’t want to even think about the fears she would face bringing one into the world in the middle of one. It was also partially because, even though Harry’s tour was postponed, he had decided to rekindle his career in acting and had taken on a few roles. Whilst they dreamed of becoming parents some day it wasn’t in their plans right now, or so they had thought... you know that old saying “We make plans, god laughs”. Eliza couldn’t help but think of that saying when Valentine’s Day morning rolled round and she was staring at those two pink lines. She was pregnant. She was both excited but nervous, Harry swears that he had known before even she did, something about her wanting to eat olives for breakfast, lunch and dinner gave it away. Because the media had taken away the opportunity to announce their engagement and Harry had been the one to announce their nuptials, she felt it was only fair that she be the one to announce they were expecting.
elizastyles little babe due in the fall 🕊🍁
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Soon enough the summer of 2021 had rolled around, Eliza was seven months pregnant and getting bigger by the day and they were celebrating a year of wedded bliss. Filming had stopped giving Harry some time to slow down before the baby would arrive in September and giving Eliza someone to run errands for her as leaving the house in the middle of a heatwave became a task she was quite unwilling to do. Harry loved her and would do anything for her and it was because he loved her and would do anything for her that he found himself in a robe at a petrol station and 3am getting her a slurpee five times in a week. And it was because he loved her and would do just about anything for her that he didn’t complain when she’d ask him to to get her a cheese pizza with only cheese sauce and black olives half hour before the pizza shop was due to close and 20 minutes after he had already laid himself in bed and called it a day.
Harry’s love for Eliza grew as he watched her get closer and closer to becoming a mother. It had been a long 9 months, filled with sickness, tears, backaches, more tears, stretch marks, foot rubs and a huge god awful pregnancy pillow that took up half his side of the bed. He knew she was going to rock this gig, just how she rocked at being a wife. Eliza was three days overdue and nesting like it was no ones business, Harry didn’t dare leave one crumb behind or a pillow out of place out of fear of being castrated. It would be another two days until their little babe would decide to join them. Harry was once again reminded of how strong his wife could be. Labouring through the night at home on her own whilst she let him sleep, waking up to her at 5am screaming that her water had broken and driving her to The Lindo Wing in a panic. Elizas birth plan went out the window at some point, she was too far gone and unable to get the epidural. Harry found out just how strong his wife was. Their little girl joining them just 25 minutes after they were checked in.
harrystyles FALLON NOEL . OCT 3
Photo: Eliza Styles // @elizastyles
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She was rocking motherhood, just as Harry and everyone around had suspected she would. Harry stayed at home with his girls for as long as he could but it was time to get back on the road to do the other thing he loved. He was gone for weeks at a time and whilst Eliza had handled the first few weeks of motherhood like a superhero, being alone with an eight week old who wouldn’t sleep through the night or in her crib began to take its toll on her both physically and mentally.
Harry is sure that if he had been home he would have been able to pick up on the signs, see that she was struggling and that they would have gotten help straight away. Instead he was in New Zealand and it’s his mother who picks up on her out of character behaviour, She looks like she hasn’t slept since you left. All she did the whole time was cry. I don’t think she’s coping. That’s all the information he got out of his mother over the phone. He puts it down to just her being tired and having an eight week old to look after and doesn’t follow up with it. When he gets home the Eliza he left is not the Eliza he finds. His mother was right, something was amiss and the guilt he feels for staying on tour for a further six weeks whilst she was here dealing with this on her own eats at him. It took a lot of therapy and many many weeks for Harry’s Eliza to return. Once she was somewhat back to herself he returns to touring, this time taking both his girls on the road with him.
elizastyles happy one year fallon noel, I love being your mummy.
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Fallon celebrated her first birthday in Rome by stuffing a cannoli into her mouth with her tiny, but fat, hand. Although once she began walking her rolls began to flatten out, for a while there she was just all chunk. Harry and Eliza celebrated Fallons first birthday a little too well and were surprised to not only find out they were pregnant but also with twins. Eliza let Harry announce this time around.
harrystyles LITTLE BABE . THE SEQUEL . TIMES TWO . JULY
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Things were much different this pregnancy but much the same as her previous with Fallon. Harry still found himself getting her slurpees and pizza at unreasonable hours and she still cleaned the house from top to bottom every day before she lay in bed but this time she wasn’t overdue, in fact they didn’t make it to her due date. She was 36 weeks and one of the babes was getting to be too much on the smaller side and so the professionals decided that to give both the babes the best chance at life, it was time for them to make an entrance. Much like Fallon’s birth there was a lot of rushing around and panic, this time they found themselves in an operating theatre and Eliza got the spinal block she had begged for the first time around.
harrystyles KOA EVERETT . LENNON RIVER. JUNE 13
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Things were better this time around. Harry was prepared from the get go having booked Eliza in for therapy even though she mightn’t necessarily have needed it just as a precaution, he had no studio time booked and no tour planned. He had only time for his three girls and his little dude. For the first few weeks whilst the twins were in the NICU everything had been easy, Fallon had been taken care of with both his mum and sister taking shifts and the two of them would swap out each twin every day. When the twins came home though, Truth be told, It was a different story... three kids was a little more than Eliza or Harry could handle, it was all hands on deck, his mum and sister swapping out to stay on weekends and Harry and Eliza taking shifts to sleep each night. It soon dawned on him that his life had changed dramatically and that touring with his wife and kids had become a whole later harder and a whole lot more closer to impossible. With one child it was easy, they could share Fallon on planes. With two they could have managed but three was out of the question. They didn’t have enough hands.
Harry was itching to get back to the studio, there was too much noise at home for him to write, he missed being on tour and Eliza could see he was beginning to resent the kids. It was her idea for him to go back to the studio and then back on tour, and it was her idea that her and the kids should stay behind. He left three days after the twins first birthday.
elizastyles 365 days of loving my sweet koa everett and my sassy lennon river. happy one year to my surprise babes 💕
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She had thought about the way that he had always looked after her and loved her and she realised that she needed to do the same for him, the only way she could fix him was to let him be far away from home... at least that’s what she thought. Phone calls home became a rarity and even when he was home he was still unavailable. He treated their home like a hotel most nights, coming back to shower and sleep and then back to being social.
She felt a real shift in their relationship when he would come home and not even bother to sleep in their bed with her, instead taking up residence on the couch. Suddenly she couldn’t remember the last time they’d kissed or even had sex. Their relationship was definitely strained to say the least. And then the press started to write about him and the paparazzi started to follow him a little more than usual, every day would be a different photo but he’d be drunk or high in each of them. And then he began to not come home at all. Eliza would ring around for hours with no one able to give her a straight answer, she was worried. He would eventually make it home just after the sun would rise. She would pretend to be asleep and he’d pretend not to see her watching him as he walked in from the bedroom window.
She had tried so hard to keep him happy and to keep their family together. She had tried so hard to return the favour And look after him the way he had looked after her now that the tables were turned but she had quickly come to realise it is exhausting loving someone who doesn’t want to be loved, especially when she had three kids all under the age of 3 to also look after and love and even more so when she had to give twice the love and be both mum and dad.
The divorce papers were a shock to him to say the least, Harry knew he had been burning the candle at both ends and that he and Eliza had been distant lately but he’d never imagined her not being there when she came home, not seeing the children playing in the yard, not finding Lennon and Fallon dancing in the sprinkler whilst Eliza chased around Koa begging him to put some pants on before he got carpet burn from sliding on the grass. He hit the bottle a little too hard that night. His mum and sister found him unconscious on the lawn the following morning.
Eliza got the text from his Mum that afternoon, he was going to rehab. He wouldn’t be available to help with the children for a while but her and Gemma would come down and help if needed. Truth was she had been doing this on her own for quite some time. He hadn’t been helping since he left just after the twins first birthday. In fact having him around had just been one more person to feed and one more person to clean up after. Knowing that he wouldn’t be turning up high or drunk was a great relief for Eliza. Deep down Eliza still loves Harry.. she wants him to do better for himself, for her and for their children.
His mum found the divorce papers whilst he was in rehab. He had not told his mother or his sister what had led him to end up on the grass that fateful morning. His mother insisted he fix things and he had tried calling Eliza the following week six times, but his calls went unanswered as did his texts. He had texted her and told her he had decided to give her half of his assets as well as the house that she and the children were still living in and that he didn’t want to fight her for custody of the children. This hurt her the most. She cried for days when her lawyer told her she had been given sole custody uncontested.
She refused to set a date for the court hearing to split assets. Although the divorce papers had been signed for months, they had yet to be finalised, his management wanted both Harry and Eliza to be at the hearing and this meant he would have to finish his stint in rehab before that was possible.
elizadoherty one day I’ll get a photo of all three children looking at the camera, one day.
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It was a Tuesday afternoon when Eliza’s phone rang; it was Fallon’s school. They only called when it was urgent and as she picked up the phone she could feel her heart beating through her throat. Fallon was in the hospital. She’d had a seizure. Eliza races to the hospital calling Anne and Gemma on the way. Anne racing to be by her side and Gemma picking up the twins. Even though Eliza hadn’t spoken to him in a long time, and he had given up custody of the children, on occasion he did still see them and of late he was trying harder to be more consistent especially now that he was clean. Her fingers dialled his number out of instinct and he was there within the hour. It was leukaemia. A rare kind, but doctors were confident they had caught it fairly early, and that even though it was rare, it was one of the best to treat. Harry held Eliza’s hand under the table and they both cried silent tears. He didn’t think twice about ringing his therapist. He made an appointment for the both of them.
At first Fallon was doing great, he blood work looked good and she didn’t have a lot of nasty side effects. She spent most of her time at home where Eliza was able to administer her medications. Then suddenly and almost out of nowhere, Fallon wasn’t responding to the treatments anymore. The doctors continued to find medications they could try, remedies that might help. Eliza went crazy at home throwing out everything that wasn’t organic or cancer healing. Harry moved into the spare room to help take shifts. The two of you like ships in the night.
The bad news came on a rainy Friday at the children’s hospital, it was the beginning of the end. Fallon had spiked a fever and Eliza had ended up back in the hospital with her. This time she had earned herself a stay in the ICU. It was serious, they were in dire straights now. Eliza knew it was coming, she knew that no matter how much they tried to save her, Fallon was slowly slipping further and further out of her grip. It was more of a shock to Harry, to him she had been fine and responding and then suddenly she had a fever and then they were in the ICU and doctors were talking about life support. He regrets spending so much time drinking and doing drugs and not spending it with Fallon. They signed the papers on Sunday to turn off Fallon’s life support.
harrystyles our hearts are broken, our sweet Fallon Noel grew her angel wings early Monday morning after a short but brave fight with leukaemia. Three days shy of her fourth birthday, she wanted to be a Disney princess when she grew up.. now she gets to be one in the sky.
Liked by elizadoherty, gemmastyles and 36,368,379 others.
1- “Are you ok? You sound like you’ve been gargling glass.”
3- “For once, this isn’t actually my fault.”
7- “I’m not going to like what you’re about to tell me.... am I?”
He was almost five and a half thousand miles away in LA. In the last two weeks of his promo tour in the early hours of the morning he called. This wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to call, he would always do it on mornings when his schedule allowed. What was out of the ordinary however, was the way his voice sounded. His already deep and somewhat husky voice sounded lower and more rough. Something was off and although you knew how much he hated worrying you, you asked him anyway. “Harry... are you okay? You sound like.. Well like you’re been gargling glass”. You hear him sigh on the other end of the phone. “Is it that obvious... fuck” this followed by ten odd seconds of silence “I’m fine love. Just a sore throat, I’m looking after myself, don’t worry, I’m fine I promise” but you did worry, and he knew that, he could practically hear your mind racing through the phone. “And before you even get any ideas love, no you don’t have to fly out here I can bloody well look after myself..” “When did you start feeling this way?” There’s a pause again, followed by a heavy sigh. He knew once you got wind of him being ill you would pepper him with questions which was why he had tried so hard to cover it up. “it’s only been a few days love, I promise I’m fine” “Harry.. you shouldn’t push yourself so much, you’re working yourself —” he cuts you off “too hard, I know I know. Look in two weeks I’ll be home, I’ve seen the doctor twice already love, I’m PROMISE I’m looking after myself... and you really really don’t need to come here”.
The two of you continue to converse until you have managed to get yourself out of bed and just about ready to shower, you make him promise that he’s going straight to bed and that if his feeling much the same or any worse tomorrow that he’ll cancel, he refuses to promise you that he’ll cancel but he hangs up the phone and you don’t hear from him again until the following day. He sounds better, he tells you he’s feeling better although you are still worried and half tempted to hop onto a flight after lunch, you give him the benefit of the doubt and once again you’re up and getting ready for work.
He doesn’t call you for another two days, you’re kind of relieved by this. Mostly because after falling down the stairs two days earlier you found yourself in the hospital getting x-rays and a cast put on. This time it was you trying to prevent him from getting on a plane and jetting his way right to you. You knew that eventually he would find out and naturally he would be on the first plane home, but the thought of him canceling his promo tour in the states just to fly home to look after you, when you could manage perfectly fine on your own, made you feel worse than not having him here did. It was 9am when he called, usually he was an hour earlier at least. “Why aren’t you out of bed? Shouldn’t you be heading to work already?” You take a deep breath in, you had already made a list of key points to share with him when he would inevitably begin to lose his mind at your news, “No, I’m not working today, I have two weeks off”. This throws him, he doesn’t remember you mentioning taking time off work, in actual fact he remembers you telling him how busy you were at work. “you took time off work? I thought you were busy?” “I’m fine, but uh —” “i’m not going to to like what you’re about to tell me... am I?” You have two choices here, tell him the truth and ruin what little of his promo tour he has left, or brush him off, play it down and tell him later. You decide to go with the latter. “My boss just thought I’d be more productive working from home...” “oh okay, well I’ll let you get to work then, I should really get to sleep.. I have a 6am call time... I love you” “i love you Harry, sleep well my love”.
It was precisely 2.05pm when his name flashed across your phone screen. “Hellooooo my sleepy sunshine” “Hello Liar...” it had been all of five hours since you last spoke to him and somehow in that five hours you had managed to out yourself, you desperately wanted an açai bowl and even though you knew leaving the house meant that there was a risk you would be photographed, your desire to eat outweighed your disinterest in having a fight with your boyfriend who was five and a half thousand miles away. “how.. what...who..” “you’re trending on twitter... and caption with the photo reads “Harry Styles girlfriend of four years sporting a broken arm in cast and sling as she braves the cold and snow to grab an açai bowl” “Harry—” “So do you want to tell me what happened now or shall we wait to have this discussion for when I land tomorrow?” “HARRY don’t you dare fly home, this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you I knew I JUST KNEW you would want to cancel promo and I can’t do that to you.. I just I -” you didn’t realise you were holding back tears and now here they were.
You take a deep breath. “For once, this isn’t actually my fault, your stupid cat threw up in the hall at the top of the stairs and I didn’t see it and slipped and fell down the stairs... okay so maybe it is my fault and I know you tell me all the time to turn the light on in the hallway, I just forgot and I had my eyes closed and I wasn’t expecting to fall” there’s a long pause after you stop speaking, you check to see if the line is still connected, but then you hear him rustling in the background. “Harry...?” “I’ll be home tomorrow” “no Harry—” “I’m coming home to you..” “Harry just listen to —” “You could have killed yourself down those stairs —” “HARRY...” your breathing becomes laboured. Why does this boy never listen to you? “WILL YOU PLEASE JUST LISTEN TO ME.. I AM FINE.... I love you, I love that you want to look after me but I am a capable person and I can do it myself and if you come home, you’d be no help whatsoever AND if you cancel I won’t talk to you...”
He finds it ironic that just a couple of days ago you were begging him to cancel but now that the reasoning was you, you were begging him to stay. “Thats okay I didn’t plan to do a lot of talking...” you roll your eyes and then go in on one final attempt to keep him in the states “if you come home, you’re sleeping on the couch” he hates the couch more than he hates being away from you. You know you’ve won the argument when he lets out a heavy sigh. “fine, but when I do het home you’ll have to really really reaaaaalllyyy apologise for lying to me”. “deal”.
Can someone please direct me to where I can find The New York Series!!l? Because for the love of all things Harry, I cannot find it any where and I used to binge read it when I’d haven depressive episodes and quite frankly I’m going through some things now and I REALLY need it... help a gal out xox
Harry’s made it a habit to keep the ringer on; he’d hate to miss a call. In case it’s her. Eyes still closed, he fumbles across the empty stretch of bed and wraps fingers around the smart phone. Doesn’t even spare a peek as he answers.
“‘Lo?”
“Hey.”
His eyes peel open; he exhales. A voice he’s heard for years and it still manages to send shockwaves through him every time. Breathy, rasped, like she’s always got a tickle in her throat. It’s part of the reason she’s a star. Not just in his sky, either.
“Hi.” He’s wide awake now. Any piece of sleep now rolls away to be forgotten until tomorrow night. “Up late.”
“Speak for yourself.” She sounds exhausted. Has she been awake the entire night or asleep like him?
“Woke me up.” He informs her. Not like his sleep was peaceful anyways. He’s not sure the last night he got a good night’s rest. When he can sleep, he’s plagued with tosses, turns, and unmanageable dreams that won’t go away.
She apologizes in a soft tone. “You don’t have to answer every time I call, you know.”
11- “Excuse you, I can be as dramatic and ridiculous as I want, outside of work hours. You can’t stop me.”
It started out with you being a part of his touring team, you were his PA’s assistant and would organise all the things he needed in his dressing room, ensuring it was ready for him. Then his PA got pregnant and he needed someone to fill temporarily, that’s where you came in... “It’s only for three months tops till he can agree to someone else, the dude has interviewed six people in three days and didn’t like any of them!” So you said yes. But three months turned into six and six turned into a year and soon enough he was no longer hiring anyone else, his PA wasn’t coming back and he had, of his own accord, decided that he wouldn’t be looking for someone new to fill the position as you would be staying in it. You weren’t complaining though. You had grown close to Harry over the last 12 months, tending to his every need between the house of 9am and 5pm, and then enjoying his company after hours too.
He had grown to feel some type of way about you somewhere there in the first few months. He enjoyed spending time with you, he knew that much, but he was also well aware of the fact that he was a public figure and you were just a normal Californian girl, he didn’t want to throw your life into a loop. What he didn’t know was that you had grown to feel some type of way about him too. Neither of you knew how the other felt, he had convinced himself that you were into the coffee guy who would flirt with you each morning, and you had convinced yourself that he was into his new costar. So the two of you continued to suppress your feelings.
Gemma came to the set to visit, she was in town and staying with Harry which meant you didn’t have to go and hang out with him at night, even though it was a break and allowed you to catch up on some personal business, you did miss him.
She knew how Harry felt about you, in fact between the hours of 5pm and 9am he wouldn’t shut up about you, her only time of quiet would be when he eventually fell asleep. “Gemma, she’s so beautiful... Gemma, one day I will ask her out.... Gemma do you think she’s dating the coffee guy?.... Gemma do you think she likes me back?” Gemma had enough.
She asked you if you wanted to grab lunch whilst Harry was busy doing hair and makeup one day. It wasn’t out of the ordinary as the three of you would usually eat lunch together. She asks about your love life, you laugh in reply. “what love life, I spend my days looking after Harry and I spend my nights either sleeping or hanging out with Harry or doing both of those things at the same time. I don’t have time for a love life” Gemma nods and you continue to ramble until she cuts you off “maybe you and Harry should date” you laugh at first not really knowing how to reply... was she being serious? Or was it just sarcasm? “I don’t know why you think that’s so funny, you spend enough time together and you already bicker like a married couple” Gemma roles her eyes.
Gemma what are you talking about... I’m pretty sure Harry is dating Cecily or whatever her name is...” “what makes you think that!?” “dunno that’s just what the tabloids and the twitter are saying” again she rolls her eyes. “Y/n, has he spent any night in the last twelve months, apart from nights where I’m with him, away from you?” Come to think of it he hadn’t. After work he would either be at yours or you would be at his. You shake your head to reply no. “In the last twelve months has he had ANY dates?” Again you knew that he hadn’t, you were in charge of his calendar and truthfully the boy couldn’t make a reservation even if he wanted to. Gemma decided that the hints she was giving you were falling on deaf ears, much like the hints she had been dropping for Harry.
Somehow however, she had convinced both you and Harry to go on a blind date the following week, neither of you knowing the other was going to be there. Harry was planning on bailing on the date, not wanting to leave you on your own but somehow you had found the courage to text him on Saturday morning.
Y/n: hey sorry this is short notice, but I’m not feeling well and I don’t want to give you anything ahead of your performance next weekend, let’s make tacos another night!!
Harry: I can come and look after you! I’ll bring the tacos to you, you won’t have to do anything except for rest. Screw the tacos, I’ll make you some chicken soup....
This made you nervous, how would you turn him and his chicken soup down without a) telling him you were going on a date and b) hurting his feelings.
Y/n: Harry, I promise I’m okay... nothing a bit of sleep won’t fix... I’ll see you tomorrow if I’m feeling better!
Harry: okay :( but message me if you change your mind or you start to feel worse. I’m only a text away :)
Y/n: thank you Harry ❤️
Harry had gotten ready, driven to the ice skating rink where Gemma had told him to meet his date and parked in the car park. He had half a mind to turn around bail on this date and go and check on you. But he knew how much you hated too much attention and he didn’t want to push passed boundaries that you had set. So he got out of his car and made his way inside. You were already there, and as he walked up the stairs your eyes locked with each other. At first he was upset that you had lied and you were embarrassed to have been caught, but the two of you engage in conversation anyway.
“Feeling better I see?” He lifts his eyebrow at you. “I’m sorry I lied to you, I just didn’t know how to tell you that Gemma set me up on this blind date and I don’t even know if this is a thing and I —” halfway through your rambling you stop to see him smiling. “What are you smiling at, styles?” He’s realised his sisters plan as soon as the words fell out of your mouth. You’re yet to pick up on it. Just as his shout to reply to you, both of your phones buzz. It’s Gemma messaging in the group chat the three of you had.
Gemma: have the two of you suckers figured it out yet? You both like each other, you’re both single, she’s not dating the coffee guy and he doesn’t have the hots for Cecily... Enjoy your date! 😝😝
You’re cheeks are glowing red at this point. She’s exposed you, but at the same time she’s exposed him too. “Cmon then” he says as he reaches for your hand and the two of you walk into the rink. He pays, because well he’s a real gentlemen and even though he loves your feminist side, he refuses to let you spend a cent, after all... it is a date.
After five minutes on the ice rink, and Harry falling for the sixth time, you start to panic, even though he tried to play it off, skating was not his forte “Maybe we should just go home, you’re not very good at this and I don’t need to be ringing your manager tomorrow to tell them you’ve broken your leg and can’t perform next week” he giggles at your worrying expression and the way your whole forehead was creased during that entire sentence. “Calm down love, I think you’re being a but dramatic.. I’m not going to break my leg” you pout your lips and fold your arms “Excuse you, I can be as dramatic and ridiculous as I want, outside of work hours. You can’t stop me.” He giggles at you.. “You’re right, I’m not paying you to be here am I..... did my sister pay you? Is this a prank?” It’s you’re turn to laugh. You shake your head and the small but of panic that he felt is over “You’re sister was right, I do like you” your eyes focus on your feet, not daring to make eye contact with him. “yeah she was right, I have a thing for ya too...”
The night continued on, you two had a fabulous time. You continued to spend each night with Harry after that, just as you had been. Except now there were no doubts. You were dating each other, not the coffee guy and not the good looking costar. It was the beginning of something both of you had only ever dreamed of. Gemma never let either of you forget that she was the one who set you up, you were both thankful for her scheming and never let her forget how grateful either of you were.
