RADFEM ♀☾ WITCH - ANTIFA @gynarchy-matriarchy-blog - Tumblr Blog

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workmaninprogress

Dec. ‘16 // Dec. ‘17 // Dec. ‘18

I was definitely pushing about 180lbs in 2016 (pre t).

In 2017, I was probably about 160-70 (ten months on T).

This year the scale is hitting 150lbs (a year and ten months on T).

When I started hormones, I didn’t necessarily set out to lose weight. It’s just a happy correlation. I truly don’t know how much weight was lost because of HRT vs how much was lost because of depression and eating disorder. My ED doesn’t always come out to play, but when it does, it sticks around for months. I end up eating little to nothing. I’ve always struggled with food. Either too much or too little. Some people cope with their sadness by eating, but when I’m sad, eating is that last thing I want to do. I’ve learned to congratulate myself on whatever I eat. Even if it’s cheesecake for breakfast, cause hey, at least I ate breakfast.

Body positivity is a hard thing to feel when you’ve spent the majority of your life feeling out of place. However, I’m finally, finally feeling like this body is mine. I still have days that I look in the mirror, or at photos of myself, and I have no idea who I’m looking at. But those days are getting fewer and farther between.

I look forward to the day when I’m able to let my facial hair grow. I look forward to top surgery. I look forward to my body continuing to change and become more comfortable.

I’m forever fortunate to be able to transition, I’m reminded of that daily. It’s definitely easy to take this process for granted. And it’s easy to always get stuck only looking forward to the next step. This year, I hope to learn to be present and solid in my body while I’m living in it without stressing about what comes next.