Hacker's Jpeg Reviews

show us your strongest jpegs! we're here to rate them! - Hacker and Gray

[hackerjpegreviews]

Greetings Lightners and Darkners, and welcome to the first ever

Tumblr's strongest Jpeg Bracket!!!

One of the greatest/ only good things about Tumblr is how we play with jpegs like dolls, and that's why we want to find the strongest one on this hellsite.

And YOU gotta help us! I'm your host, the Hacker - keep it on the download.

And I'm your co-host, Gray- and this is definitely not an evil plan to take over the entire tri-state area.

And we need YOU to send us submissions - your STRONGEST JPEGS - to compete in this 64- bracket tournament!

Why 64? Because it's my second favorite number.

Wait, then which one is your favorite?

64DS.

Ah.

Our askbox should theoretically be open -

Theoretically?

So go ahead send us your jpegs! We won't judge unless you send us something stupid or lame or uncool <3

I hope that's just a snapcube rtfd reference...

Also! Please reblog for a bigger sample size - we don't wanna miss any great jpegs!

Some of our own strongest Jpegs are already in the bracket, as well as a few that were basically a given.

(A certain former skitty with powerful biceps may have already influenced these polls- pre-submitted entries are in the tags if you can't see them in the pic, by the way.)

So without further ado- let us begin!

[hackerjpegreviews]

You are in!

Solid jpeg, 4 of hearts/5 of spades

[modogoblin]

[hackerjpegreviews]

What the fuck

What happened to that poor pony? They almost seem ok with it but...

I think that this is a certified 'this is fine' moment.

See, I spent so much time mining bubsidion to prevent situations like this.

.2/goldfish; NOT CUTE. Get this pony some help.

I mean I would have give it a .3/goldfish for the pony's inherent cuteness, but actually you're right

.2/goldfish, NOT CUTE. That pony is clearly in pain

[hersheychocolateworld]

the fun part with me is that nobody can even tell what the bit is anymore

[trans-girls-who-eat-subway]

i want subway

[catgirldick]

Ive got a footlong right here, nya!

[greek-orthodox-priest]

hey does anyone here wanna get baptized

[heritage-blogs-heritage-posts]

heritage blog heritage post

[pokemonheritageposts]

dw i got this. someone put a pokemon on here so i can stay committed to the bit tho

[heritage-blogs-heritage-posts]

*tosses you a sylveon*

[pokemonheritageposts]

[firetextguy]

Hey how do you do that flaming text thing?

[pokemonheritageposts]

[vitriolic-angel]

Hey, @aceattorneyheritageposts

[hackerjpegreviews]

Now that right there is a good JPEG

Adorable, I give her a Stepladder/ladder<3

Solid dec 24/dec 25 JPEG right there

[fishing-lesbian-princess]

Do you think a png and a jpeg could on purposed kiss?

[dragon-champagne]

Absolutely not. JPEGs are disgusting and lossy. PNGs deserve so much more. Like a WEBP or BMP.

[fishing-lesbian-princess]

The fact that you think a fucking WEBP is better than the dependable JPEG shows your flawed opinion. You will never stop a PNG and a JPEG’s love

[grayceblacklight]

As the creator of hackers jpeg reviews, I can assure you that PNGs and JPEGs absolutely fuck

[hackerjpegreviews]

I can also confirm that BMPs are completely incapable of fucking. As for WEBPs, my friend Hacker has an announcement to make.

I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! WEBP IS A BITCH-ASS MOTHERFUCKER. HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING MINECRAP BUILD. THAT'S RIGHT, HE TOOK HIS TETRIS ASS DICK OUT AND PISSED ON IT! AND HE SAID HIS DICK WAS "THIS BIG" AND I SAID THAT'S DISGUSTING! SO I'M MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON TUMBLR DOT COM. WEBP, YOU GOT A SMALL DICK! IT'S THE SIZE OF THIS SMALL-NUT EXCEPT WAY SMALLER! AND GUESS WHAT, HERE'S WHAT JPEGS DICK LOOKS LIKE!

THAT'S RIGHT BABY, ALL POINT, NO QUILLS, NO COMPATIBLY ISSUES, LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BALLS AND A BONG!

WEBP FUCKED MY BUILD SO GUESS WHAT IM GONNA FUCK THE GAME! THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LASER PISS! EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA PISS ON MINECRAP, I'M GONNA GO HIGHER. I'M PISSING ON THE NET! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT SHADOWBAMA, I PISSED ON THE NET YOU IDIOT!!! YOU HAVE 21 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DRRRRROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING NET. NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

...in case you were wondering why we normally plan these posts ahead of time, he... Drank a lot of all ages appropriate battery acid to get through a 100% run of shadow the hedgehog.

[hackerjpegreviews]

Alright, now here's a good one;

Byleth's final jpeg, what do you think Gray?

I think that she looks quite Smashing.

Of course, most final smashes at fully animated cutscenes, so having a single jpeg on that level is quiet something

Yes, in fact Min Min requires a number of jpegs to reach the same effect. Although, I really wish they didn't make so many of the final smashes functionally identical.

I couldn't agree more. Apparently the reasoning behind it was making the final smashes "snappy so you can get right back into the action"

Wait, seriously? The cutscenes are what take you out of the action in the first place though!

My thoughts exactly, a good final smash should be part of the gameplay. There not really a reason that they can't flow in as smoothly as the rest of the gameplay.

I mean in brawl it was just captain falcon and it made sense, it wouldn't be a problem if there weren't so many of them.

Indeed, though I suppose that it's Ultimately beside the point. The fact that this Jpeg on its own stands as Byleth's final smash is quiet impressive.

Absolutely, it's a solid Roy/Boy at the very least.

Yeah, at least. I'd say that it's a full on Marth/grab range.

Heh, you're quite generous, but I can't say your wrong. Yeah, that sounds good- I think it's safe to say that this is a legendary jpeg.

[hackerjpegreviews]

Well well well, if it isn't the little jpeg that inspired this whole collab.

It's for good reason, cause that right there is what we in the business call the load bearing silver the hedgehog jpeg. Take a look:

Ooh he's so strong! Keeps the whole system running on his own. That's gotta be a solid tem/tem. Although I do seem to be getting déjà vu?

That's cuz something similar happened before, and on a higher profile at that. Cause something similar happened to little game called Team Fortress 2.

Oh of course! The load bearing coconut!

Yes, this is what keeps team fortress 2's legendary plate of spaghetti code together. An even more impressive task, and it came first to boot. And if that doesn't mean bonus points, I don't know what does.

I entirely agree, that's gotta be a downright incredible temmie/tem.

[hackerjpegreviews]

Hello there lightners, I'm the Hacker, keep it on the download.

And I'm Gray Blacklight, certified

non-supervillain!

Who certified that?

Liza Lots, real lawyer!

...

I'm just gonna pretend someone will get that reference. Anyway, I'm taking a break from working on my super smashing fighters mod, and figured I'd make a collab. So, welcome to Hacker's jpeg reviews!

It was gonna be called 'reviewing jpegs with a killer robot', but we don't wanna risk legal issues with Mettaton

We'd go straight to prime time turnabout, and I'm no Felix White

Oh sure, MY lawyer reference was obscure. Anyways, we're here to review some jpegs!

Yes, we want to find the strongest around, and we want your help to do it! So show us your strongest jpegs!

But please try to keep it pg. Nothing against nsfw, but I want to set a good example for my minions.

Yeah, there are certain things that will get you blocked, and be certain that all posts will be screenshotted to combat nfts

Environmentally friendly AND a crime? Now that is what I'm here for! <3

Other than that, we are happy to accept your submissions! Just send us an ask with any legandary Jpeg you got! Please, I only have like, 4 ideas.