Personal Thoughts 6.6.18
I treat you better when I think you hate me
Because I leave you alone
My breath is hot
My nose filled with snot
I leave the air exposed
-
To foul ideals and ideas
I store deep in my heart
Being vulnerable, for me
Is no art
-
It’s an explosion
An opening of Pandora’s stupid box
It’s allowing myself to be a bother
Allowing another opportunity
For my hear to further rot
-
Because truly
Truly
I am drowning
I have been for years
I’m not sure what will help me
So
I act as okay as possible
Out of love
Out of fear
-
Ultimately it comes down to
I don’t have anyone to hold me
Who sees who I really am
I thought I did
But I think they hate me now
And I don’t want to make them sad
-
Do I need to grow up?
Be okay on my own?
Maybe
Yes
But as someone with so much to give
It feels like a joke
-
Aren’t humans,
The mammals,
Social creatures?
When were our ancestors
Alone?
-
It doesn’t feel good
And I know my brain is fucked up
I get manic
Sometimes I really want to kill myself
But I won’t
I don’t
-
But for who?
All the people
Who can’t handle my truths?
What can I do
To save myself from drowning?
-
I write
I see a counselor
I do
I go
-
But all I want is someone
To hold me
Who doesn’t feel better
When left alone








