V

Will try my best not to creep you out

[halakaoink]

Hi

Can anyone talk to me please? Anyone.

[halakaoink]

I love how fast I catch up with things.

(God, this really feels so wrong and not me. But I need this) I love how I am able to put things together quickly, to analyze things at a more efficient rate. Although I may not have been gifted with much memorizing skills, at least I can say that I excel cognitively in problem-solving. Also, in catching new skills and learnings, I love how easily I can catch up especially in new-found passion. When there's a new lesson I'm interested in, I become so motivated that I extra-curricularly research even beyond what is in scope. Actually, this not only applies to academically related things, but also in social aspects. I seem to have a radar that's so strong that it can detect people who are uncomfortable or on the same spectrum. Likewise on the contrary, I can also sense people who are enjoying. I sense people. I see social cues, I have a self-generating in-head list of things to do and things not to do. I had a thought before that it is just part of me that's being a people pleaser, but giving myself time to think about it and having special people to tell me, I can see this doing of mine as an act of being considerate. I do not want people to feel uncomfortable, because I know exactly how it feels like. I love how I manage to adapt to people's personality and jive in with whatever craziness they get themselves involved in. Although there may be times when I get challenged in "being one" with them, I can still notice sides of me that gets every chance I get to have fun and lighten the mood. This is a gift from God. I am a gift from God. These pretentious tendencies aren't even pretences. These are the buried good sides of me who just want to become a better person for others, because after all, that's what we are here for. I love my imperfect yet progressive self. I believe that there's good in what I'm doing :)

[halakaoink]

I love how I deal with other people.

It may not be perfect, but it's okay. There are times when I can feel that people feel good around me, or I make them feel that they are welcome and that they are free to be themselves. There may be times though that I may seem intimidating, but I can say that once they know me, they don't hate to be with me. My most favorite part about this side of me is my openness to social circles, even to those who are less noticed by the majority. Maybe because I have had a bit of taste on how that feels. As what they say, it is in your brokenness that you learn to love. One of the things that I like too is how I manage to make people listen to me. I'm still not sure whether I love it or I despise it (because it adds up more to my insecurity of being too unapproachable) but I managed not to think about it too much. There are versions of me who do not have this pleasing personality, but seeing myself as many separate personas wouldn't really help me that much. I like hugging people, because somehow, touch reassures me that I am in connection with people. I am still part of their lives and they in mine. I love how, when people have problems, they can easily approach me (like how Pauline, Viena, and Aurbey did when they had the problem about the cheersquad). Not everyone may be ready to accept my love, but what truly matters in the end is that I love. Cliche as it can be, not everyone can understand and I am not here to please others. I love myself and I will not change myself just to please others.

[halakaoink]

I love my patience.

I love how sometimes, I manage to keep my cool. One perfect example? Just 10 seconds ago when I lost paragraphs of what I've written. God is telling me to wait because the best is yet to come.

[halakaoink]

I'm gonna try something new.

(I’m gonna skip the part where I fuzz about how long it was since I last posted and all because there are already millions of that in this blog.)

Everyday I will post a thing I love about myself. This should lift my spirits up a little, I guess.

I still haven’t decided what name I’ll give this challenge, though. Of course, for tracking and tagging purposes (enough with the sappy and corniness of it all). I hope I’ll be able to sustain this though!

(…)

I thought about giving it #ProjectNarci, but it doesn’t give me that eureka moment yet. Hmm still thinking…

(…)

I won’t overthink about it that much. I’ll just stick to the nature to this whole engagement. I’ll start of with my next post!

[halakaoink]

You are not a failure

Of anyone's standards. Not even His. Don't let anyone or anything think otherwise.

[halakaoink]

I am very much inspired indeed.

[halakaoink]

What 2016 taught me so far

Naantok na ako. I’m just trying to test myself out here if I still have that natural flowing train of thoughts when I blog even before. Here goes.

When you truly love someone, it is not about you anymore—it is now all about the other person.

It is when you let go of your own personal desires because you love that someone. You don’t love someone because of the thought of reciprocity. Kung mahal mo talagang tunay ang tao, wala kanang paki kung ano ang mangyayari sayo. Mahal mo eh, puta. Even if it involves letting go of that person, it is true love, because all that matters for you if that the one you love is happy. Your personal desire to be with that someone is not your priority, because what is will be your innermost desire for that someone to be free and happy, even if it means that you’re no longer part of that story.

True love brings out the best in you.

True love also brings out the real you. Now I tell you, if you’re in a relationship and one of you is hiding behind a wall of pretense: be careful. When you are truly in love, you want to become a better person, which involves being honest to your partner and most importantly to yourself. True love teaches us that integrity is that last inch of what is left of you, and true love embraces it.

In everything you do, remember why you started.

It’s better to do something out of personal desire and happiness rather than of obligation. In my next decisions, I always ask myself if does it add to my little pouch of things that make me happy. I know that happiness is not always what I get, but what is important if there’s anything that’s negative, these discomforts would make me grow.

Fuck society.

The best thing I’ve learned this year is to never be afraid anymore of rejection. What truly matters is not what others think of you. What matters is how you think of yourself and how you lift yourself up in this world of judgemental people. People will come and go, so let go of the people who are not willing to stay.

A little pain from the start can save a whole lot of pain down the road.

This quote I got long before from the movie Flipped, but only then it made a lot more sense when I personally experience this.

[pramisnamadeinchina]

Tangina ng mood ko.

Di ko rin maintindihan.

[halakaoink]

I decide to change my url.

From what will be previously walangpaki to what will then be roadtocarpediem.

I know, I know, sounds corny and rings a bell similar to those how-to-live-a-happy-life bullshark things. But I dunno, it does sound (and resound) much profoundly and meaningfully rather than apathetic crap that just means not giving a crap in this world, in which, I apparently do give a crap right now. It the most positive frame of crap. The world needs a lot of crap-givers though.

You know what I thought just now? It’s that ding ding, eureka! kind of moment right here. I have found the perfect URL: thegoodkindofcrap. Sweet.

[halakaoink]

Finding that Space to fill-in with stuff

It has rather been a pretty long ride along those neon-stringed cobwebbed concrete jungles, five-dimensional roller-coasters, three-legged footsteps in the sand, one-trip with one million grocery bags, and a barefoot-on-scorching asphalt-with-rainbows trip I have had since my last personal post. And I tell you, so much (no words seem to be not an understatement) has happened, has changed, and has erupted.

I can say that I have grown much as a person, and part of this whole growing-up think is apparently also realizing that I have still to grow much. I don’t even know if this previous sentence is grammatically correct, but that’s the point of it. There is still a lot to improve in life. I have gained much but not much yet. I don’t even know what point I want this blog post to emphasize on. Forgive me for my unstructured thoughts. Wala kay choice.

I am in love. Again. Yes, apparently. I broke up with my ex a month ago, and now I have my life-changing partner who I’m officially with for 25 days already. Time flies so fast when you’re living the life, right? Gahd, soupish. Tsk, soupish.

I am quite uncertain whether I want to rant, or give the most melodramatic speech, or perhaps the most motivational one. But, as always, here goes nothing.

As of the moment, (like literally, at this precise moment in time, 2:02 AM of 16 Mar 2016) I feel happy and good enough. It’s not one of those curl-myself-down-to-bed-trying-not-to-sob-but-horribly-failed kind of way to end the day. Right now, I feel inspired, to the point that I even have the time to blog it all out.

Next, I’ll post something about what I have learned this year. Stay tuned.

[halakaoink]

When I’m Inspired

I write.

And it’s been a long time since the last time I put into words what I have been feeling.

To cut to the chase, I am in love. Yes, I am in that vulnerable state when my all my emotions heavily rely on my organ-that-pumps-blood’s state of being. It’s that feeling, when I’m at a loss of words yet I still want to express the shit out of me, because the feeling is too much to contain.

My thoughts are incoherent. I can’t think straight. It’s too much. For once I allow myself to feel this dreaded emotion. I allow myself to be open for the possibilities to be hurt, even if I know it will hurt like hell, just to feel the soft bed sheets from heaven.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Fangki Borres is in love. For almost four months he has been, and will be until God knows when. The once cobwebbed stomach is now infiltrated with metamorphosed insects which results to fireworks everywhere in the body.

Everything really happens for a reason. If it weren’t for that last minute decision to go with my friends, I wouldn’t have met The One. It had led me to the conclusion that indeed, the Universe did really conspire to help me find The One. How am I so sure? I’m not-- and that’s the beauty of it.

I know what I’m doing. I’m ready to be hurt. I know I will be. I know too that it will be worth it.

[photography-cnl]

[halakaoink]

Day 2 Yolo hahahahahaha

I forgot what happened because internet got screwed up. I remember though that I sang out loud and I saw everyone at the computer lab looking at me. Ooh the embarassment. And that night we slept at VIP

[halakaoink]

Day 1 YOLO

For the first time after four months of passing by the campus, I finally found myself inside the Mindanao University of Science and Technology, the Google complex ng Cagayan de Oro. That wasn't the best part of the day. It was their Intramurals opening, which meant it was when they showcase their colleges' Cheerleading skills. Because #WeHaveJordan, we were able to go inside and have a good space to watch the Legends, our coach Arvin's team. Unsurprisingly, they bagged the gold and became the back-to-back champion. Yolo'd the day by going home late because I spent time with my iWiz friends featuring Sied. PS, I was so amazed by their theme for this year's Intramurals, which was the Game of Thrones. They really sticked to the theme and everything eventually fell through the right places.t

[halakaoink]

Owning the days

I always see signs everywhere, books, movies, even in music, that I should come to a stop and realize the value of every second given to me by God.

I am just one in a sea of many but that does not mean I cannot make a difference.

Being enlightened by this sudden awareness, I have decided to record all yolo-rific achievements I encounter in my everyday life. This may span from a very minimal detail to one life-changing, death-defying experience.

I shall not sleep until I made something different for the day.

Cheers for this challenge!

[halakaoink]

Brave

Halfway through the movie, I thought of just switching to another film. Still, I somehow chose not to, in the mere hopefulness and thought that Disney never disappointed me. As always, I was right—it was indeed a fairly good movie.

What reminded me of this movie was Frozen. They both had that taste of action that tells young ladies everywhere that NO, you don't need a Prince Charming to fight your battles for you, and, most importantly; NO, you can't marry someone you just met.

Although Frozen came inside through a different approach. It tricked the audience into believing that it was gonna be another Disney movie with a damsel-in-distress waiting for her you-know-who. Where in fact, three quarters way through the movie, the love that was being defined was the sisterhood between them.

Wait, this is supposed to be about Brave.

Brave, on the other hand, was about a daughter-and-child relationship and how their actions and intentions weren't just as fit. This movie depicts scenes just like how modern teenagers act nowadays.

Overall, the film was great, though it had something off right after watching it. Was it because of the absence of romance? Maybe, but that's what's not cliche about it, isn't it? Wouldn't that supposed to make the audience scream finally?  The plot was unquestionably interesting and, if it were a book, a certified page-turner, but still, I admit there was something off and bland about its overall impact.

Maybe a Disney movie without romance feels incomplete after all. Just like life.

I'm sorry if I was not able to go reflective on this. I just can't relate to this movie that much.