[halfbeloved]

Drawn by myself. Don't claim as your own. Don't post to other sites without my permission

[halfbeloved]

Drawn by myself. Don't claim as your own. Don't post to other sites without my permission

[halfbeloved]

Drawn by Myself. Don't claim as your own. Don't post to other sites without my permission

[halfbeloved]

Drawn by myself. Don't claim as your own. Don't post to other sites without my permission.

[halfloveless]

Ritsuka nodded, very solemn, at Soubi’s bid that he be lucky. He was sure he would need it. The scars looked as if they ran deep - they had the jagged, dented appearance of - Ritsuka swallowed, ears going flat and tail drooping behind him - the dented appearance of something that had been carved deeper and deer over and over until it the carver was satisfied.

"Don’t thank me yet, Soubi," Ritsuka cautioned, and his voice came out barely a whisper. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Thank me when I succeed."

BANG!

              “Ritsuka?!”

The sound startled Ritsuka into releasing Soubi’s hand, his body scrambling backwards until his calves hit his bed. Turning, reluctantly, he looked at his door where the sound of thudding footsteps coming up the stairs came from. “Ritsuka, come downstairs! I made your favourite!”    

Ritsuka glanced at Soubi and frowned. “You have to go,” he whispered, and his voice held an unusual urgency. “If she finds you in here -“

            “Ritsuka? Why aren’t answering me?!”      

A loud pounding sounded on the door and his mother’s voice became more shrill, less controlled. "What are you doing in there? RITSUKA?”

[halfbeloved]

Soubi just gave him a small smile. "I'm thanking you for the attempt... is that not wise..?" He questioned, about to embrace the boy when he heard the slamming and crying from Ritsuka's mother. 

He gave a small sigh, a look of slight irritation on his features at the interruption. She always seemed to know the best time to interrupt and make him the most annoyed didn't she..? However he gave a small smile towards Ritsuka again soon after. 

"Of course.." He whispered. "If you still have the phone I gave you, my number hasn't changed. Call any time... and I'll see you soon Ritsuka." He promised as he stood and silently made his way out the way he'd come inside in the first place. 

He paused only enough to glanced back at Ritsuka and give a small smile before leaving again. He really had missed him... and now it seemed he needed to return to the place that Seimei had left him while he was out of town... 

[halfloveless]

He could see the shock on Soubi’s face at his words and, could he see his own visage, he would see that his face mirrored Soubi’s surprise. 

Had he truly just declared that out loud? Was he really going to try and do this?

Glancing down at his hand, he looked a thin, almost imperceptible strip of white skin there and felt his conviction grow. That scar was less than a year old and already it blended in so well with his flesh that the jagged, lumpy glass cut it had been before was hardly more than a painful memory.

Nodding suddenly, he spoke. “Yes, it’s possible. And I’m going to do it. Soubi, I’m going to wipe every trace of what Seimei did to you from your body.”

It was a childish deceleration, one born of a fundamental misunderstanding about the extent of the harm his brother had done to the fighter. But still, in his innocence, he was determined to accomplish this thing for his friend. For his Soubi.

[halfbeloved]

Soubi watched the boy, his eyes taking on a curious look before he heard the declaration from him. Did he think he could..? Soubi couldn't help but smile at the thought, even though he wasn't sure if it was possible. So much had been done after all... and even if it was wiped from his body physically could he really say that they were gone from his heart..? 

The fighter hummed, closing his eyes for a moment before they opened again. "Well... I wish you the best of luck then Ritsuka." He thought the boy would need it. After all... this scar likely wasn't just any ordinary scar. This one wouldn't go away with time like some of Ritsuka's scars.

"Thank you... Ritsuka." He felt the need to thank the other at this point. Just the fact that Ritsuka cared enough for him still to want to attempt something like this... he thought he'd lost the boy after all. This proved that he hadn't quite lost him yet.  Perhaps there was still a chance to fix things with the sacrifice. 

[halfloveless]

    Ritsuka listened intently to every word Soubi said, and each one that took him closer to the answer he sought fell on his ears like a benediction. His fingers pulled away and he let his hand rest by his side, looking at Soubi with every inch of the determination he felt, he shook his head.

    “No. I don’t want you to hide things from me, Soubi, not ever. But if you don’t want them to be seen, then I want you to wrap them back up.” 

    Hesitantly, he reached over and lightly gripped one of Soubi’s hands, holding it in his own as he glanced back down at the scars. “Do you trust me, Soubi? Because there’s something -” he cut off, and his ears laid flat to his skull for a moment. 

    The gravity of what he was about to say weight heavily on his small shoulders, dragging him into doubt and fear. He could do so much damage with these words, not just to Soubi to but himself. And to Seimei.

    It was that last thought that solidified his resolution.

    “There’s something I want to do for you. Soubi…” he looked up at the Fighter and his eyes were heard with his conviction. “I’m going to get rid of these.” The hand that wasn’t gripping Soubi’s moved up and he touched lightly at the scars.

[halfbeloved]

Soubi blinked at that, his gaze softening as he looked at Ritsuka. ".. They don't make you uncomfortable..?" He was sure they did. They'd made almost everyone else he spoke to uncomfortable, it was why he wore the bandages most times. 

It was then that he turned his gaze to Ritsuka's hand that now clutched his for a moment, a slight look of surprise in his eyes that soon disappeared again. 

The question presented to him through Soubi for a loop. "Do I trust you..?" What an odd question to ask. He'd been sure from what had gone on so far that the question had been answered, but after thinking it through he supposed it wasn't so obvious after all. "I do, yes.. with everything I am I trust you.." 

If the question and the fact that Ritsuka didn't seem worried about just taking his hand like that hadn't blown Soubi off of his normally calm sense of judgement.. the next moment did. That look in Ritsuka's eyes, directed towards him for once... in a way that was meant to be positive and not getting something from him for once. He didn't think he'd ever seen such a look in anyone's eyes before, especially not Ritsuka's. 

Soubi was completely dumbfounded. He didn't know what to do, or to think. What could he do or think..? Soon afterwards Ritsuka's fingers were yet again against the scars, and it was only then that it was revealed what was going on in the boy's head. When he heard what had given Ritsuka such a look however, instead of removing the surprise it just made him even more stunned then before. 

"... Ritsuka..." He whispered then, his voice holding his surprise. "... I.. don't know if it's possible.." He managed to say, however soon afterwards he bowed his head slightly. ".. but.. I will not fight against your attempts... I wish you luck.." If it was what Ritsuka really wanted to do... who was he to even attempt to stop him..?

[halfloveless]

    Nodding, Ritsuka hugged the pillow closer and rested his chin on it. His ears flicked slightly at a sound from the door behind them but it turned out to be little more than the wind blowing his coat along it and soon his attention was focused solely on Soubi again.

    It was difficult not to return the smile Soubi aimed at him, so he settled for a scowl instead, pink cheeks lightened but still present. “I’m always honest with you,” he mumbled, though he was certain it wasn’t true. He was honest about a lot, but not everything. Not their friendship, for one, nor how… How Soubi brought out things in Ritsuka no one else had ever managed. 

   As he looked at the Fighter - not really his Fighter anymore, and that wasn’t something liked to dwell on - Ritsuka’s eyes fell to the still exposed scars on Soubi’s neck and chest. Silently, he rose to his feet and tossed the pillow aside, walking forwards to touch them again.

    This time, however, it was a study, not a lament, that had him feeling along the ridges. An idea has struck him - a wild one, that might not even work - but an idea nonetheless. 

    Before he began, however, he needed to know. Know if it was even worth pursuing. 

   ”Soubi? Do you… want these?” he asked, and his voice was hesitant, scared of what answer he might receive. As he asked, his forefinger brushed over the ‘B’ of Beloved, certainly the most deep of the… it was still hard to think of them as such… cuts.

[halfbeloved]

Soubi had heard the sound as well, tensing ever so slightly as his eyes glanced over toward the door. He was ready to move should it turn out to be his sacrifice's mother. He had no idea what was going on in Ritsuka's head, but he knew he'd always think of Ritsuka as his sacrifice now.. even with the events with Seimei. 

"Well, you certainly seem more honest with me then others." He allowed, not pushing for the fact that he knew Ritsuka would fight it if he did. He didn't wish for the fight between them any longer, he never had wished for the fight between them honestly. 

Deep in his thoughts, and temporarily forgetting that the bandages weren't currently there, he jumped slightly when he felt Ritsuka's fingers against the scars along his neck. 

His heart sank a bit at the question. Did he wants them..? The cuts had been there so long at this point, it was a weird thought to not have them there. Yet... Did he honestly want them..?

".... They are the only thing that truly binds me to Seimei..." He finally said, his words calm, slow as he thought his answer through. "... The only thing... that binds me to a man that... no longer has a need for my presence.." His eyes closed then, thinking of the fact that any time he went into battle with Ritsuka, he felt relieved... but the scar across his neck always burned fiercely.. as if trying to guilt him for his disloyalty. 

His mind was made up then as his eyes opened slightly. "... I have no need or desire for something that only brings pain where there should be none. In the end, it doesn't matter however. Such a scar, having been there so long... there is likely no chance it will fade. Does it upset you Ritsuka..? I could cover it up again... better then before..." 

[halfloveless]

    Carefully, he extracted himself from Soubi’s lap and crossed to his bed, sitting down and pulling a pillow into his lap to cover the loss of warmth from Soubi’s body. 

    Ritsuka was quiet for a long moment, clearly lost in thought, but when he spoke his words were weighed down with the conviction with which they were felt. “I guess… I guess I understand that. I felt something similar, but I thought it was just because you were… you were Seimei’s friend.”

    He blushed with shame at that.

    “I think I wanted to get close to you to feel close to him again. And it was like that for… for a long time. But now.” His small hands gripped one another in his lap and he frowned, deep. “Now I don’t like thinking about you and Seimei in the same thought. Now -” the blush that was born of shame deepened, turned into something else, “Now I like to think that you’re more mine. My friend more than his.”

    Ritsuka glanced up, nervous. “Is that okay?”

[halfbeloved]

Soubi listened in silence, considering the words spoken. He could understand why Ritsuka would have originally gotten close to him to be close to Seimei again. At the time.. Soubi probably would have done the same had he been in Ritsuka's position. 

He watched Ritsuka move to the bed, silent and in thought the entire time, and his heart gave a thud so loud he was sure that Ritsuka must have heard it from where he sat even though he knew that wasn't possible. 

A small smile lit up his face then as he gazed at Ritsuka from where he was still kneeling a bit. "Of course that's okay Ritsuka, and not because you're my sacrifice before you suggest that." He placed a hand over his own heart then, speaking calmly. "It's okay... because you're being honest with me... and of course you'd wish to be close to me for that reason at first... we hardly knew one another then." 

[halfbeloved]

Being the master of words that he is, Soubi can say almost anything he wants to and make it sound like the sweetest promise even if it's the most horrible of lies. This is especially the case when he's wanting to deceive someone that he's speaking to or he's unable to tell them something they want to know for some reason. 

However, the most unused form of this mastery of speech would be the one that most would do almost anything for. Soubi is the master of pillow talk. He knows almost exactly what to say, and when exactly to say it to get the best reactions from his partners. However he doesn't use it much if at all due to the fact of wanting only to be with Ritsuka. 

[halfloveless]

    Ritsuka listened, carefully, to every word that fell from Soubi’s lips. He did his best to take them into consideration, to look for, and find, the truth in them rather than rejecting Soubi’s emotional reality in lieu of his own.

    At length, he nodded. It was a careful action, slow and deliberately placed on a subconscious level to accurately illustrate his trepidation on the matter. 

    When he spoke, it was with pink cheeks but a fierce determination that shined through his violet eyes and hardened his baby-soft face. “I don’t like what happened to you. It’s terrible, and I would never want you to go through it. Ever. But…” He chewed on his bottom lip and his gaze dropped to their laps where he studied the wrinkles in their clothing with consternation. “I… I’m glad that we got to meet. Even though it’s brought me pain, too, it’s brought me a lot of happiness. The memories we made together -” his eyes flickered up to meet Soubi’s then back down immediately “they’ve been some of my favourites.”

    With Soubi’s next words, the consternation fled his face in lieu of petulant annoyance, despite the ruddy blush on his cheeks. “I love you, I love you, I love you, Ritsuka,” he mimicked, bitter. “You’ve been saying that since you met me! How can you love me since then?”

[halfbeloved]

Soubi felt his heart soften a bit at Ritsuka's words, carefully just holding the boy there now as he listened to Ritsuka as intently as the boy had done previously. 

"I don't believe I know many... if any at all that would wish to go through something like that Ritsuka... however it is a sacrifice I'm willing to make again if it would mean getting closer to you..." 

His smile seemed to almost widen a bit at the thought of the memories, both the ones that Ritsuka referred to when he spoke of his photos, and the ones in his heart of the boy that weren't kept for everyone to see. He didn't need the photos as a reminder, for he knew that they would always be there, and that's what mattered. 

However, when Ritsuka next spoke in that mocking, bitter tone, it caught Soubi off guard just a bit. He blinked slightly before unable to stop from chuckling. "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery you know Ritsuka." He answered, his head tilting to the side slightly. However, the question was one that he wasn't sure how to phrase. It hadn't quite been love at first sight or anything like that. He could have said that at least part of it was Seimei's doing... but that didn't quite seem right. 

How could he explain it in a way that Ritsuka could understand, when he himself couldn't quite understand..? "It's just a feeling. Since I set eyes on you.... something just.. clicked. " He didn't understand currently but he supposed that explanation might do for now. 

[bluexbutterflies-blog]

      “Maybe because I’m used to it. This is nothing new. not to me anyway.”

[halfbeloved]

Soubi gave another smile at that, however this one seemed forced. "I see. Perhaps then, I need to be around more often." If this was a normal thing... should he be protecting Ritsuka more then he was already..? 

[bluexbutterflies-blog]

     ”She’s made it quite clear I’m not her ‘little boy’ She’d scream, curse me, threaten to kill me, possibly beat me again. Yay.”

[halfbeloved]

".. You seem quite calm about this situation..." For once that smile left his face as his eyes closed in contemplation. 

[bluexbutterflies-blog]

      “….What you’re spending the night?”

[halfbeloved]

".. I had been considering it... However.. I can only imagine how loudly your mother would scream upon finding some strange man in her little boy's room." 

[halfloveless]

The feel of Soubi holding him, the clean scent of his shirt and hair, the warmth from his body all served to soothe the boy’s frazzled nerves. Slowly, so slowly, he pulled back enough to look Soubi in the eyes and shook his head. “But I am. I am sorry. That it happened, that it was… it was Seimei who-“

The fury was trying to return and yet it was tempered by a sudden, gentle kiss to his cheek. Ritsuka twisted his head, blushing bright red and closing his eyes tightly. 

His cheek was much less wet and much more warm as Soubi pulled away and he caught sight of his tears glistening on Soubi’s lips. It was mesmerizing. He watched those lips form words and each one made his chest clench harder and harder in protest.

"It won’t. I can’t be okay - how can you say that after what you’ve been thr- after what he put you through?”

But the wrath couldn’t burn, couldn’t flame bright and free because it was tempered by the gentle pecking at his face. So sweet, so kind, so familiar, so -

“Soubi! Stop!” He whined in protest, annoyed enough to pull away slightly though he sank back into Soubi immediately. “Why do you do that?” He demanded suddenly, and it was born of curiosity more than anger. “When we fight, during battles… why?”

[halfbeloved]

Soubi only smiled sweetly to Ritsuka as the younger pulled back to gaze at him. Seeing that he'd calmed more, the fighter allowed himself to be a bit calmer as well as he gazed at the boy in front of him. The fighter's heart ached to see how hurt Ritsuka was, however at hearing Ritsuka's first question, his eyes seemed to twinkle slightly. 

"How can I say that it'll be okay after what I've been through..? I honestly don't regret a moment of my life Ritsuka... it may have hurt at times.... but I got to meet you. The few memories I have that are happy... are more then enough to make up for any of the painful ones. Any moment I spend with you... that's enough to give me a reason to move forward." For once, the smile on his face was a normal one, he wasn't just using flowery words to calm Ritsuka, but speaking the truth. 

He continued to try and just be there, to calm Ritsuka. It may have been because of him that Ritsuka was upset.. but all this was stuff that he'd gotten over.. or at least accepted a while ago. Ritsuka was far more important. 

Soubi blinked, watching curiously as Ritsuka pulled away before sinking back into him almost immediately afterwards. He hummed, thinking about Ritsuka's question for a moment. 'Why..? I love you Ritsuka." He just smiled for a moment before he decided that for once, he'd give a little more information to go with it. "It keeps the anger from your face and thoughts as well." It also helped him to concentrate on the battle instead of worrying about Ritsuka, but he wasn't going to admit that out loud quite yet. 

[halfloveless]

The moment he was in Soubi’s arms he stiffened for the briefest moment then slumped, chest heaving and boneless, against his body. He wasn’t sure when he’d started crying but the tears were coming in earnest now. Hot streaks of salty water dripped silently down his nose and cheeks, pooling in Soubi’s shirt. He didn’t make a single sound until he spoke some minutes later.

"I’m sorry, Soubi," he whispered. It came out a sniffle. "I’m so sorry." 

Something was building in his chest, some heady experience he hadn’t felt before. It spread like wildfire through his body and it wasn’t until they began aching that Ritsuka realized he’s clenched his fists into Soubi’s shirt and was balling them so tightly they shook.

"I hate him," he declared suddenly, and it was venomous. "I hate him for doing that. I hate him."

Something burst within his chest and shoved the air from his lungs at the announcement, the last exhale of a long broken piece of childhood - the only one that remained. Whoever he was now, he was not who he was when he loved his brother. He was something new, something harder and more independent. Something wrathful.

[halfbeloved]

Soubi just allowed the boy to cry in his arms. He didn't even care that his shirt was soaked in tears or anything else for that matter. He was just worried for Ritsuka. He felt that he needed Ritsuka to be okay.. even after all this. 

His heart went out to Ritsuka.. ached for and with him. Soubi so desperately wished that it was different so Ritsuka didn't have to feel such pain. He shook his head, giving Ritsuka a small smile when the boy started to apologize. "You don't need to be sorry Ritsuka. You couldn't control something like that." After all... Ritsuka would have been maybe 7 at the time... how could he have even considered trying to stop his brother..? It would have been difficult to say the least if not impossible. 

Ritsuka's next words had surprised him again however, and unable to help it Soubi leaned in and kissed his cheek gently, kissing away some of the tears. "... Ritsuka.." However, that's where it stopped. For the first time in a long while, Soubi was at a loss for words. Ritsuka shouldn't hate his brother just because of something that happened to him. He couldn't help but feel touched though, touched that Ritsuka would care so much about him that that would be such a natural reaction to what had happened. 

"... Ritsuka.. everything is alright now. What's done is done... and I wouldn't have changed my past for anything... I don't regret going through that... not at all." He whispered as he kissed him now and then on the cheek. 

[halfloveless]

Heart pounding, Ritsuka waited for the response Soubi gave him, and upon receiving it felt as if he would be ill. Dread sat low and thick in Ritsuka’s stomach, aching and persistent in is presence. He drew his fingertips across the letters again, this time imagining someone cutting, carving the letters one by one into the pale, perfect flesh beneath the ragged scars.

Violet eyes flicked up to meet Soubi’s as the silence between the first answer to his questions and the second stretched on and on. In those eyes he found his answer.

He no longer felt sick, he was going to be sick because that hand carving the words into Soubi’s neck had turned into Seimei’s hand and his head was swimming so much that he could see the fat droplets of blood dripping from Soubi’s form in front of him even now and he could see the smile his brother wore, colder and more cruel and any that had ever been aimed at him -

Ritsuka’s stomach lurched wildly.

"How old were you?" The words were choked and harsh and it was him now, Ritsuka beneath the mercy of Seimei’s knife and his stomach was lurching and his head screaming a loud, silent noise that muffled his thoughts and made him panic and forget how to breathe - 

[halfbeloved]

Soubi watched the expressions on Ritsuka's face. his heart went out to him, and he hated that even if it was inadvertently he was the one to cause those reactions in the violet eyed boy in front of him. He allowed the other to run his fingers across the scar as much as he wanted, listening to the sounds around them as he did and watching Ritsuka's reactions. 

Seeing him go from looking like might be sick, to about ready to be sick was a horrifying thing for Soubi.. and the fighter swallowed hard as he found his mind wondering what thoughts the other could be having that would cause such a reaction. 

Soubi heard the question, and the answer immediately came to mind. However... Soubi could just see how bad of a reaction it would cause. With how panicky Ritsuka already seemed... Soubi was against answering this question. He knew, however, that if he didn't answer willingly at this point Ritsuka was likely to just order that he answer. The response to this was automatic as he pulled Ritsuka in close to hold him tight against him. 

His hand ran through Ritsuka's hair a bit before he sighed. "... I don't remember the exact age.... but... I was about 16.." He finally answered, making sure to hold Ritsuka close to him. He just hoped that this would be enough. He needed to be sure that Ritsuka wasn't going to panic too badly. He didn't wish to see that from Ritsuka.... not ever.