I remember exactly how it began.
you were in Thailand and you called me to tell me there’s this girl (ouch) that makes you feel so comfortable (by now I was frowning), you said you haven’t felt that way in a long time (I'm pretty sure my heart was torn in two in that moment). I was happy for you but I remember calling friend and crying over it.
“I’m going to lose my best friend again” I lied to her.
“I always feel like this when my best friend gets into a relationship, they will ditch me” I lied furthermore.
but back then I didn’t know I was lying. I kept telling myself “he’s just your best friend, that's it” and I drilled it deep into my head and even rehearsed my reaction if someone was to ask “are you guys a couple”.
I'd look in the mirror and say “ew no that's like incest” repeatedly until it sounded real. the day came and someone asked me, just like how I practiced it, I acted it.
but again, back then I didn’t know I was lying to myself.
it came up to a point where I even convinced myself and my friends that I had a crush on your best friend. it wasn't a lie that I found him attractive, but that was just it. I convinced myself that I really did like him despite knowing I didn’t.
if I were to be honest, I thought you were going to kiss me during New Years eve. call me crazy but I had an intuition that you were gonna kiss me. but came New Years eve, all we did was hug and my heart sighed but I was so happy that I was with you in that moment.
I hope in ten years to come, we will still be crazy about each other as we are now because baby, you make me so happy.
